Change of Directions
by Jstonedd
Summary: AU. Growing up in New York City, Rachel Berry turned out to be anything but just a small town girl. So when she gets sent to Lima to live with her birth mother, lives and hierarchies at McKinley High get turned upside down. Faberry. AN: Currently rewriting and beta-ing.
1. Chapter 1

**Change of Directions**

**Genre: Romance, Humor with a slight dash of Angst at appropiate times**

**Pairings: Faberry. Brittana. Puckleberry bromance, Pezberry sismance**

**Disclaimers: The usual. Don't own anything.**

**Summary: AU. Rachel grew up in New York instead of Lima and under this different circumstance, she's developed a more badass character. When she gets sent to Lima, so she can bond with her birth mother Shelby, lots of lives are changed on the way and maybe even some stupid school hiearchies.**

**AN: This is the first chapter of a long, exhausting ride. I hope you are prepared.**

* * *

><p>"Are you sure that you don't want me to drive you to you scho -"<p>

"Yeah, just give me your car keys," I interrupted her harsher than I had intended to, receiving a hurt look in return. I didn't mean to snap at her, but it was partially her fault that I was stuck in Lima now and that sucked, real hard. Out of all the places in the USA, my biological mother had to live in Lima, Ohio. That I could find it on Google Maps did surprise me a bit.

"Which one?" Shelby, my birth mom, asked. She held out two car keys. "The Range Rover or the Escalade?"

I arched my eyebrows at this. "Don't you have a car that doesn't scream 'Bust my windows'?"

Shelby drew her lips to a thin line in irritation, like I had asked her this question a thousand times.

"I've told you to attend Carmel High, where everyone drives Range Rovers!" she sighed, visbily annoyed. I rolled my eyes at this. We had discussed this over and over and I still didn't want to go to a school where she would be hanging around all day. It was enough if we saw each other from late afternoon to the next morning, I didn't need to encounter her in the school hallways, too.

"No, only the members of Vocal Adrenaline drive Range Rovers." I knew all about her very generous sponsors.

"Yes and the rest drives Escalades," Shelby replied like it was obvious, with her hands on her hips and a stern look plastered on her face, "McKinley High is a joke. A school that doesn't support musical education, I don't know what's wrong with the headmaster."

"I don't care. This school's nearer than Carmel and I'm only going there for a year, so what difference does it make? By the way, I'll take the motorcycle."

Before Shelby could block my way to the keys hanging on the wall, I reached around her and snatched the keys to her Ducati. When I had first seen the bike stand in her garage, I had rubbed my eyes twice and pinched myself. But then I had remembered that she used to be young, rich and foolish, too. And that was where our first and only resemblance could be found. And that precious baby was apparently a souvenir of Shelby's 'wild days'.

Grabbing my backpack off the floor with the other hand, I quickly skipped out of the house to stride in long paces to the garage.

"You are not old enough to drive and you don't even have a driving licence for this!" I heard Shelby shouting after me.

"Don't worry, I took yours," I yelled back, swinging one leg over the Ducati.

"What? You'll never pass for 35!"

Ignoring her and biting back a snide remark that she was no way just 35, I put on the matching black helmet which looked as badass as thebike. Keys in ignition, one swift kick and the motor was growling in a low, deep bass which vibrated through my whole body. I smoothly rolled out of the garage, not wanting to scratch the Range Rover parking next to it.

"And do you even know how to drive it?"

Startled, I saw Shelby waiting outside the garage with her arms crossed, a sceptical look on her face, which did have lots of resemblance to mine. She really was just the older version of me.

I pushed the tinted visor up, so she could see me smirking at her and I turned the engine off to hear her better. "Learned it from YouTube. Took me a few scratches and wounds to finally get it right, but our house in the suburbs of New York turned out to be useful after all."

Shelby looked unconvinced and didn't hesitate to doubtingly ask again, "And if the police stopped you? How do you explain the age difference between you and that photo on my driving licence?"

Now she was being downright pessimistic and I let her know that by rolling my eyes.

"First," I said, raising one gloved finger (I do care for safety cause I attract injuries like a magnet), "does Lima even have something like a police station? Second," I added another finger, "I'll just tell them that I had a face lift or something. And third," I quickly continued before Shelby could indignantly interrupt me, "I'll be too fast for them to catch me. Bye, have a good day!"

With that, I pushed my visor down, kicked the Ducati to life again and sped off. I didn't have to look into the sideview mirror to imagine a horrified Shelby standing there with her arms slack to her sides.

"One little sratch on my baby and I'll kill you!"

I barely could hear her in the fast increasing distance.

She'd get over it. She'd have to because things like that were going to happen more often now that I was here. I guess she needed to find a way to deal with it. After all, it was her wonderful idea to let my fathers send me to Lima to spend a whole – let me repeat it for dramatic effect - a _whole_ year in a hicktown. I really didn't mean to be rude, but - I was from New York City. You grew up with lots of self-confidence surrounding you, it was literrally in the air, in the subways, on the streets, in the cabs...

I stopped my train of thoughts when the building of McKinley High came into my view. I hadn't expected for the school to be so near Shelby's place. I drove behind the school to find an abandoned place to park the motorcycle. Maybe riding an expensive motorcycle to school wasn't such a good idea either, but at least it was smaller than a SUV and easier to hide behind some trash container.

Upon entering the school, the first sight to greet me were masses of blurry faces in the hallways, none of them acknowledging my existance. For now, it was a good thing. Nothing felt worse than being singled out as the new kid the moment your feet touched unknown school ground. And I intended to build a reputation that would let them quickly forget that I was just "the new kid".

I had to find the headmaster's office first, maybe that jock in his red and white letterman jacket holding a slushie cup could point me the way. But then he turned away and walked up to someone from behind and that someone was still taking out books out of his locker. That was when I understood what the jock had in mind after I had caught a glimpse of his sneering expression.

Not with me, son of a -, there was nothing I despised more than sneakily attacking someone from behind and not giving them a chance to defend themselves.

"Really, dip shit? Slushies from behind? You don't have balls or what?" I said loudly after I had walked up to his backside.

The jock turned around in surprise, obviously not used to being talked to like that. But when his beady little eyes landed on me, his expression changed back into his sneer, which I really wanted to wipe off his face. I knew I was two heads shorter than him and maybe the big height difference gave him a false sense of security and confidence, but I didn't let that bother me. The more he underestimated me, the more fatal for him.

"Do I know you?" he slowly said with a crooked smirk, looking around to see if there was a crowd to witness his power over the seemingly weak ones. Well, if they wanted to see someone get humiliated, they could have it.

"No, I don't think so," I replied sweetly, before hitting the bottom of his slushie cup, effectively knocking the icy content into his shocked face. The mix of ice and corn syrup was dripping off his face as well as his sneer. I think I slushied some of his ego along with it, because the small crowd he wanted to impress was impressed now, but not by him.

"But I bet you're gonna remember me now." I said, to add to his humiliation. Halfway wanting to leave, I turned back to him and saw him still trying to process what had happened. "Oh, and tell your mom I'm sorry that she's gotta wash your jacket now. Tell her to wash it twice, maybe that stench of misery will get out then."

Now that I had made my point, I turned to smugly stride away. I heard foot steps nearing me and for one second I thought it was the jock trying to pull some sneaky stunt from behind again, but these foot steps were too light to belong to a giant idiot.

I stopped walking so whoever that was could catch up with me.

"Excuse me?"

I turned around to see a thin, well dressed boy who embodied the stereotype of a gay man. And when I took a closer look, I recognized him as the almost-victim of the slushie attack. Guess I had saved his designer jacket.

"Are you new here?" he asked politely and even his voice was so cliche, high-pitched with a gay touch.

"Me, new? Nah. But you all are new to me. This school's new to me. Lima's new to me. I'm just same old me," I dryly said and I had tried real hard not to be ironic about it but it slipped out. This whole live-in-Lima-for-one-year thing was starting to get to me and now, after I had spent ten minutes in this lame school, I think I had seen enough. Even the supposed to be 'cool jock' couldn't come up with a better prank than slushie facials.

"It's okay, being the new kid is always hard, you just need time to adjust to here," the boy said with sympathy. "I'm Kurt Hummel, I actually wanted to thank you for saving me. Well, not really me, but my jacket. It's my favorite and it's unique, designed by -"

"- one of the gazillion designers who all claim to be unique." I stopped him before he could ramble. I knew fashion and I knew the trends, I was living in New York City for god's sake and you couldn't be not fashionable if you regularly paid attention to what the people wore on the streets or sometimes looked through a magazine.

The slightly hurt look on his face didn't go unnoticed by me and I felt bad for rudely cutting him off, when all he tried was being nice and making small talk. I gave him a small smile.

"What I tried to say, was, you're welcome. I'm sorry, didn't have such a good week. You're really okay."

That made him smile again. "Thanks. But I have to tell you though, you just messed with one of the biggest jocks in this school. His name's Karofsky."

My expression went slack at that and I pointed over my shoulder, my left eye twitching comically. "That giant idiot who doesn't even dare to put a single toe out of his closet?"

Kurt reacted quite astonished, which confirmed what I had said.

"Wow, how do you know?" he asked, intrigued.

"Yeah, the stench of misery..." I sighed with a dirty grin and Kurt took a second to follow, but then his eyes lit up and mirrored my smirking expression. I liked him. Even if he was the stereotype of gay, he wasn't afraid of showing it. And I learned that this meant a lot in Lima. Hell, it meant a lot in Ohio.

"Just to be sure," I quickly said, "are you -"

"Straddling the rainbow? Yes." I grinned at that. Straddling the rainbow. Couldn't have said it better myself, that guy was really starting to grow on me.

"Well, you could have been super metrosexual. Who knows. Why do we still label ourselves?" I said, shrugging and earning an admiring glance from Kurt.

"Yes, I am saying this all the time! People should stop categorizing us! Wait – is it only my watch or do we really have classes in two minutes?" he suddenly said, after his eyes had strayed to his watch, since he was gesturing wildly with his arms to make a point.

I shrugged my shoulders since I had no watch and this school was too poor to have a clock in every hallway. "Why don't you go to your class? I'll have to talk to the headma-"

"Ahh, what do we have here? A new kid! In McKinley High! I thought I had already scared all the parents with potential new students away from this school..."

A middle aged woman in a tracksuit was nearing us and I muttered out of the corner of my mouth to Kurt, "Who's that?"

But before he could reply, the woman with the crazed look was already standing in front of me.

"Who chained you by your brains and forced you to go to this school?" she lowly hissed. Seriously, I wasn't in the right mood to throw my sass at her like I would normally do in a confrontation, so I just raised my eyebrows unimpressed and replied in a bored tone, "No one. Came here voluntarily."

"Liar," she breathed heavily into my face, making me pull a grimace and take a few steps back.

"Who had you drugged, kidnapped and thrown into this school?"

Was she serious? I looked at Kurt for help but he shrugged helplessly.

It was time for a drastic measure. I pulled my backpack to me, opened it and stuck my arm in it, searching for my solution.

"I swear, if you pull out a gun, I will make you swallow your bullet first."

I ignored the madwoman and took out what I had searched for. That seemed to confuse her.

"What are these? Ecstacy? I don't have nerve buds to stimulate, I can't feel them. You can't bribe me," she said, crossing her arms.

I rolled my eyes and showed her the writing on the pill bottle I just took out.

"Painkillers. For horses. I always slip one of these into my teacher's coffee when he starts to become an agressive ass. Which means everyday."

That was when Kurt, who still hadn't gone to his first class, hesitantly rejoined our conversation.

"Er, I don't think that these painkillers are any good for humans..."

I looked at him thoughtfully. "You're right. But he's not human and," I turned to the madwoman again, "by the look in your soulless eyes, neither are you."

I had expected an outraged reaction or any reaction at all, but she only gave me a scanning look. Kurt cleared his throat.

"Just to be sure," he tentatively added and I grinned at the familiarity of this sentence, "you do know that death could be the result of overdose."

I chuckled at this, "Yeah, I know, one of the best side effects."

"And you don't think that your teacher is going to die if you keep doing that?"

I gave him an indignant look. "I hope so! I'm not stealing it monthly for nothing!"

Completely forgotten about the crazy woman in her tracksuit, we both startled when she suddenly exclaimed, "That is absolutely -"

"Disturbing?"

"_Amazing!_"

Even I didn't see that one coming; I didn't need someone holding a mirror to my face to imagine my dumbfounded expression. And my new gay friend, who seemed to have experience with that strange woman, just looked at her warily.

"Have we been listening to the same conversation?"

He got ignored by the short haired woman, whose eyes were now focused on me, scanning my face.

"Kid, where have you been all my life? If I weren't so sure that I never had sex with something male, I would have believed that you're the lost daughter I gave away the second my eggcell got inseminated! What's your name?"

Now I understood the wary look on Kurt's face and I was to hundred percents sure that I wore the same expression.

"Rachel. Rachel Berry."

"OK, Ray that is."

I didn't even make an attempt to protest. I just shared a confused look with Kurt. What was she going to do? Why the sudden change of her behaviour?

She suddenly put her arm around me and I was too tired to fight her.

"You know what, Ray, I have a wonderful feeling that this is the start of a new, sick and twisted friendship. Follow me. Hummel, go to class."

Kurt gave me a pitiful look before he left me alone with that crazy woman. How could he? I thought we were friends! At that moment, the school bell rang.

"What about me? Don't I have to go to class, too?" I cautiously asked her, but she waved it off. "Nah, you're with me, kid. No teacher hates his life so much to mess with me when I don't want to be messed with."

"And the headmaster?"

That made her only more amused.

"Psh, everyone knows that I am the one ruling this school. I'll cut his welcome speech short to the basics. Killing, stabbing and masturbating is not allowed on school grounds, the canteen lady is a transvestite, the food in the canteen is poisoned and the best thing about this sad school am I, Sue Sylvester, Coach of the Cheerleaders, Guinness world record holder for having the most trophies. Ever. And besides 251 trophies and medallions, I've collected three pinkies and one middle finger in separate jars."

I cringed at that. Really?

"Interesting." Not.

"I know! Cheerleading injuries. Maybe I should have given them their fingers back...their cartwheels are quite sloppy now. But if they think that this is hard, then they should wander around in desert for one week with only a bottle of motor oil filled with nails and grinded cockroaches in their backpacks."

This was quite tiring to listen to. "You didn't really experience this, did you?" I half asked, half stated it as a fact. I watched her expression still stay the same, hard and intimidating to anyone who didn't see through her like I did.

"No," she said shortly after a pause, "but it would've been hard."

I rolled my eyes. Again. I couldn't stay with her any longer or her madness would start to get to my mind.

"Coach Sylvester, while I really appreciate our new friendship, I have to find the headmaster. The real one."

Sylvester snarled at this. "Pah, you don't need him. He's as important as the rat's nest under my bed."

I ignored the urge to shudder in disgust and slowly replied, "I'd like to try my new painkillers on him, would that be alright? These pills are from Columbia."

Her expression changed at once. She smiled sadistically and patted me on my shoulder.

"I'm starting to doubt my non-pregnancy. Go, kid, do what I would have done, too, if the police didn't already suspect me to plan a lethal attack on Figgins."

I sighed in relief when I got away from her. Scary, I first thought, then, Lima did have police officers.


	2. Chapter 2

I came half an hour late for my Spanish class, but the teacher was really cool about it, since I was new and all. And it wasn't like the lessons had really started. When I interrupted him, he still seemed to be talking about general things, like what this year's main topics were about.

"Seems like we have a new student in our Spanish class this year," he said warmly and extended his arms to me in a welcoming motion. I simply nodded to him.

"I am Mr Schuester and what's your name?"

"Rachel Berry."

"And you're coming from?" he asked politely.

Suppressing a sigh, I shortly replied, "New York City."

I wasn't in the mood to tell him how wonderful it was there and how different it was from Lima, because that would make me jump on my motorcycle and ride all the way back to New York again. I wasn't whiny by any means, but it didn't mean that I wasn't allowed to miss my home.

"That's impressive," Mr Schuester said, genuinely interested, as he ran a hand through his curly hair, "so tell us how you found your way to Lima from New York."

I faced him with a blank expression. "I didn't. I was on the way to L.A, when my plane crashed."

Mr Schuester didn't know whether I had joked or not, since my face didn't show any sign of humor, whereas my new classmates took this as a permission to start whispering in hushed voices.

"I, erm, I don't kn -"

"I was kidding," I released him of his misery. "There are personal reasons why I'm here."

"Come on," some students in the back of the classroom groaned at the lack of details.

That annoyed the hell out of me because this was another thing I disliked much; if people were too nosy and wanted to know things which just weren't their business.

I directed a mocking sneer at them. "Feel free to visit me when I'm back in New York again. If you know how to get out of Lima."

That shut the rest of the class up as everybody understood the hidden message of it.

Mr Schuester cleared his throat behind me and I flashed him an innocent grin that was on the edge of turning into a smirk.

"Ms Berry, you can take a seat now."

I nodded and turned back to my class. There were two seats free. I didn't need to think twice about where to sit, because one seat was in the first row and I never sat in the first two rows. That was too near to the teacher, which meant I couldn't doze away or throw things at others from behind.

But sitting in the last row was like being in charge of the classroom, I had an overview of my classmates and no one could bother me from behind, whereas I could focus on teasing everyone if I felt annoyed by them.

I let my backpack drop to the floor, not bothering to unpack some paper and pen when I knew this class was going to end in a few minutes. And even if the lesson just began, I wouldn't write down notes anyway. Whether it was a reputation I had to maintain or my lazyness to indulge, I didn't really know, but I guessed it was a combination of them two.

I leaned back in my chair and stifled a yawn, stretching my arms with my eyes closed in the process. This was actually quite comfortable and I was so close to drifting off to sleep when I suddenly felt something light hit my forehead.

_What the -?_

My eyes instantly flew open just in time to see a paperball bouncing off the table, onto the ground.

_Foolish move, idiot, foolish move._

Narrowing my eyes, I slowly looked up to see who had dared to bother me. That was when I saw another, larger paper ball flying towards me, but I hadn't been in my former basketball team for no reason when I easily caught the crumpled paper ball mid air with my left hand. With the _left_ hand and I was a right-hander, just so you know.

Pressing the ball to half its size in my hand, I finally saw who was foolish enough to annoy me. It was surprisingly a girl, a pretty Latina to be more specific. But that scowl on her face costed her some points on the 'Hotness-scale', which I always used to rate girls.

Superficial much? Maybe. It was easier to be this shallow than be too deep. I figured if you were a shallow person, your problems would stay shallow as well and I had enough deep issues for the rest of my life. I was done getting hurt because I cared too much, because things mattered to me.

I smirked at the Latina and blew her a raspberry with my free hand, before I chucked the paper ball back at her with such precision and speed that she couldn't duck or turn around in time to avoid it hitting her between her eyes.

_Headshot, baby._

I watched her open her mouth in fury and I might have heard a string of M+ rated words, if the bell didn't choose exactly this time to ring, which made all the students shoot up from their seats and start talking, effectly drowning her voice.

Deciding to ignore her, I grabbed my backpack and trotted out of the classroom, trying to remember my next lesson, when a husky, female voice exclaimed behind me.

"You! Manhands!"

I didn't turn around because I wasn't sure if they meant me. I mean, whose name was Manhands? I glanced to my sides, seeing a few students picking up on speed as they nervously scurried away.

"Hey, you deaf or what, jackass?"

I felt a hand roughly grabbing my right shoulder and I was tempted to take it and unlock the arm from its shoulder, but then I reminded myself that it was just some annoying girl who wanted to prove her bitch status to me.

"What?" I sighed between my teeth as I turned around. It didn't really surprise me when I found myself facing the angry Latina from my Spanish class and it seemed like she had company. On each of her side was a hot blonde, which I would have found massively impressive if Latina Hugh Hefner wasn't so pissed at me right now.

But damn, the shorter blonde on her right side with those pretty hazel eyes was so gorgeous, never before had I seen a scowl look so good on such a beautiful face like hers. I felt like I could stare at her for hours without becoming tired of it.

Not exactly hiding that I was checking her out, she crossed her arms defensively and narrowed her eyes at me in a supposed to be threatening manner, which I just found utterly cute. I found it hard to pay mind to the furious girl snarling in my face, when the blonde's annoyed expression was so much sexier.

"You just chose the wrong person to mess with, bitch," she hissed angrily and I only nodded apatheticly, while my eyes were still trained on the blonde to her right, who stared back with a hard expression.

Oh, come on girl, this was no fun with you giving me the hard shell to crack. Not that I wouldn't crack it anyway, but it would take a lot more time. And I was an impatient girl who didn't have the time. Or wait, I did have the time, I was in Lima now where time ran so much slower.

" - bitch you don't mess with a Santana Lopez from Lima Heights, I will fucking cut you -"

My attention snapped back to the Latina, apparently called Santana, from 'Lima Heights'. Unimpressed, I arched my eyebrow.

"Yeah?" I challengingly retorted, "Didn't know you liked it bloody, that's a weird sex fetish."

Expecting her to lash out any moment, I took a step back just to be sure, but then the taller blonde on her left side stepped to her and placed a calming hand on her shoulder. "San, why did you never tell me you liked it bloody?"

Ah. Well, here it was. The best friend who was kind of oblivious of some things.

Santana's cheeks reddened, whether from anger or embarrassment, I couldn't differ. Maybe from both.

"S, the new loser isn't worth it. Let's go, you don't want to be late for Mr Simmons."

My eyes immediately darted back to the stunning blonde on Santana's right who had spoken up for the first time, her voice was so delicate like honey. And I didn't care if she just called me the 'new loser'; if I wanted to, I could be very oblivious of a few things, too.

I sometimes hated the superficial and shallow self I created, I easily got infatuated with hot girls even if I knew nothing about them. Even if she was a murderer or something equally cruel, I would still give her a chance to hop into my bed any time she wanted. But I found out that as quickly as my infatuations came, as quickly would they leave. I would find myself attracted to a girl for one week and after I had a date with her, I would lose interest in her as fast as I would lose interest three minutes into history class. I tried keeping longer relationships, I really did, but they always ended after the second or third time I cheated.

"This," Santana lowly hissed into my ear, as she went past me,"is not over."

I only chuckled at this and called after her, "I hope not, I haven't got laid yet."

Just as I had expected did she spin around, jumping forward to strangle me and she would have succeeded if her two friends didn't hold her back and force her to go on. Watching her struggle against her friends, I blew her a raspberry again and winked, before walking off into the opposite direction. Santana was still shouting and swearing. This time, I heard her string of insults, loud and uncensored. And I learned some new ones.

* * *

><p>I got through the next few lessons pretty fine, didn't mock anyone and I played all nice and charming.<p>

Now I had a small idea of how this school worked. It was easy, stupid and totally cliché. Jocks and cheerleader on top, the normal ones beneath them and the slightly different ones at the bottom. Come on, like every high school had to be that way. At my high school there was no thing like a status, I meant, yeah you did have one but more like: 'I'm the hot girl who can turn straight girls gay' or 'I am the prat who never calls the girls back after promising them to do so' and in this school, you either got one of these three labels: 'I'm hot', 'I'm a loser' and 'I'm invisible'. Pathetic.

It was lunch time. Since I never brought food from home to eat, I always ate in the canteen. Well, that was how things were when I had attended my old school. But after I hadn't been able to guess what that greenish looking meat in the McKinley Canteen was, I decided to skip lunch. I really didn't want to risk food poisoning and I made a mental note to myself: Bring a sandwhich from home now every day.

Trotting through the empty hallways, I was a little bit lost but I kind of liked this feeling of uncertainty. Not knowing where you were and at the same time knowing that you couldn't get lost no matter how far you went, that was comforting me.

In the distance, I suddenly heard faint voices singing. That made me curious. Why weren't they at lunch? Were they avoiding the gut-churning food, too?

My feet automatically took me to the source of the singing, the volume increasing while I was heading to the auditorium with opened doors. The auditorium was relatively large for such a mediocre school.

And there were four people on the stage, dancing, singing acapella and goofing around. That sight made something inside of me stir. They were so happy. And by the look of them all, they didn't seem to fit in the 'cool' crowd and yet, here they were, having pure fun without a care in the world.

And I was quite sure that one of them was Kurt, the only openly gay kid in this school. For now, because no knew I was gay yet.

He was happily jumping around, singing in his falsetto voice as he took the hands of a black girl who laughingly sang along with him.

That made me smile. No, I didn't become a sap, but who wouldn't be happy for them if they had found a place for themselves where they belonged to? I knew that I still hadn't found mine; I despised commitment too much to be tied to anything.

The sudden lack of music made me snap out of my trance. Their song was finished by now and they went together for a group hug which made my inner sap say 'awww'. I raised both of my hands and started to clap, first slowly, then louder in a steady rhythm.

"Rachel?"

I smiled at the high pitched voice. I walked towards the stage and jumped on it in one swift motion.

"You all are _awesome_."

Kurt, the black girl, a dude in a wheelchair and an asian gothic girl looked bashfully to the ground. It was like they rarely heard someone praising their talent. I frowned at that.

"You guys must be in a band or something, aren't you?" I asked, I was sure that otherwise their voices would be gone to waste if not used performing on stage.

"No," Kurt shook his head, "we're in Glee Club. It's a show choir."

Show choir? I imagined more musical numbers judging by the name. And everyone knew that musicals weren't as hot as mainstream or chart music for teenagers.

"But being in Glee Club is hard. Though we love what we do, we get nothing but negative reactions from the mass of the school. It's putting us at the bottom of the food chain."

It still bothered me to know this even though I had suspected an answer like that. How could everyone be so narrow-minded and shallow? If people could sing and were really, really good at it, how could you hate them for it? Envy and jealousy were traits we were born with, but it didn't justify the way that some people wanted to knock others down because of their talents.

"Are you the only ones in Glee?" I asked, halfway not wanting to hear the answer if it was 'yes'. But thankfully, Kurt replied, "No. I find it strange myself that half of the Glee Club members are actually on top of the social pyramid. We have four football players and three Cheerios."

"So why is Glee so uncool then?" I got more and more confused the more I heard.

"It just is. Because of us. The others have been teased about it, yeah, but that was it. They never got the full 'loser treatment' like us," Kurt replied, shrugging his shoulders.

I didn't know what made me angrier, the fact that they were getting shit from everyone everyday or the nonchalant way Kurt had said it like it was no big deal. Like they deserved it.

"Listen to me guys and when I say it, I mean it. And I won't repeat it because I'm too badass for that," I started, looking everyone of them into their eyes. "Those people have no life that's why they wanna ruin yours. It's simple, they just can't get over the fact that one day, you'll be out of Lima doing something big whereas their asses are still stuck here, watching your faces on TV, if they can afford one. Get it? You guys are wonderful. Keep doing what you love."

I startled when I suddenly felt two arms around me in a tight embrace. Of course, it was Kurt who was the first one to express his thanks in this warm, welcoming way. Then I felt hands on my shoulders and looked up the Asian and the black girl who had teary smiles. Another poke in my side and I looked down to receive a grateful smile from the guy in the wheelchair.

I really didn't do emotions most of the time but right now, it was okay because I actually made some people happy instead of making them cry. Which happened quite often.

"You know what? I'll join the Glee Club. And turn this whole school upside down."


	3. Chapter 3

Ah, never did the bell sound prettier. The familiar ringing announced the end of my last class and I instantly shot up from my seat. Walking out of the classroom, I knocked two annoying jocks out of my way when they weren't moving fast enough for me. They stumbled a bit and by the time they spinned around to see who had dared to push them, I was long gone down the hallway.

"Ray! Ray Bay! Rayban!"

_What_.

Impatiently, I quickly turned around, only to see a frowning Coach Sylvester approaching me with a megaphone.

"Yeah?"

"How was your day? Wait, don't tell me, it sucked. I know," she answered her own question, giving me a pitying look. "Today, I had a moment of failure, too."

"Yeah?" I offered halfheartedly, not bothering to tell her that I never failed at anything I did.

"Yes. You must know that I hide a very useful list under my toilet seat, titled 'Ten Ways to Kill Someone Without Leaving Fingerprints and Breadcrumbs', written by me, of course. But now I have to cross out number 3, 'C_arbon Monoxide Poisoning'_; this is not an option anymore."

I felt overwhelmed, not knowing to which extent Sue was being serious. She made a list of how to kill people without leaving a trace? "Are you serious?", I weakly asked, referring to her crazy murder list.

She straightened herself and tightened her grip on her megaphone, determination glowing in her narrowed eyes.

"Of course I am! Carbon monoxide poisoning is too mediocre for a Sue Sylvester! And it is too slow and too painless, I will probably end up strangling Schuester myself in his sleep. And this will leave fingerprints all over his throat! Naturally, I could wear gloves, but it wouldn't be nearly as satisfying as strangling him with my bare hands..."

To say I was weirded out by that information was an understatement. I took a small step back, to create some space between us and even though I didn't like to admit it, she scared me slightly. Her expression was hard and serious, but the things she said were so utterly crazy, I didn't know what to make of it. I had never encountered people like her before.

"Anyway, I am not here to discuss on how to kill Schuester and make it look like an accident, though you need to tell me more about the Columbian pills," Sue said, pointing with one finger at my bag slung over my right shoulder. Then she held up her megaphone and waved with it slightly.

"I have Cheerios to torture in ten minutes. But there is no insult and no punishment I haven't used by now and I was thinking that maybe you could assist me in drilling my squad," she casually said and if I didn't know it better, she was being nice to me and had just made a very tempting offer.

Hot, athletic girls in skimpy cheerleader outfits? _Check._

Let out frustration and be able to swear how I wanted? _Double_ c_heck_.

Having power over the popular Cheerios? _Triple_ _check_.

This was an offer I couldn't decline, which was why I found myself on the field five minutes later with my own megaphone in my right hand. As Coach Sylvester and I approached the girls who had been warming up until now, I felt all eyes curiously trained on me. I bet that they wondered why the new kid was here and why she got along so well with Sue Sylvester. And that on the first day of school.

"Alright, ladies, stop stretching your disgusting, fat legs and listen up!" Sylvester barked through the megaphone, even though it was completely unneccassary as the girls were only standing few feet away, "As I am sure that you've all gained at least a dozen pounds over the summer, I won't tolerate one milligram too many on the balance. That's why I'm gonna do it like the Egyptians did it. I will place the heaviest ones at the bottom of the pyramid to build a solid fundament."

A few girls exchanged horrified looks.

"Now since Nationals are only eight months away, I will have to drill you into perfect condition. And I will have assistance in making your life miserable because until now, you've only endured pain but I want to make you suffer, make you feel hell instead. Welcome my new assistant, Ray B."

I stepped out of her shadow and put on the best smirk I had.

"But, coach," a girl exclaimed angrily and to my delight, it was the Latina from my spanish class, Santana Lopez.

"No buts! All of you have to obey to her, even the most ridiculous demands are to be executed! Yes, Booby McGee, that means she can tell you to slap yourself with a gummy chicken, too!" Sue shouted, effectively shutting Santana up and drowning any other argument that was about to come. Then she turned to me and gave me a nod, a signal that it was my turn. My smirk only grew, when I saw some of the girls cautiously taking a step back to hide behind their fellows.

"Everyone line up in one row!" I barked into my megaphone, which magnified my voice impressively. The girls jumped at my harsh tone, then shuffled to fulfill my demand.

I let my eyes roam from face to face, giving everyone of them an intense gaze and I loved the satisfaction flowing through my body everytime a cheek reddened under my scrutinizing stare.

_There_. I found her. It was the pretty blond girl who had called me 'new loser' earlier when I had messed with her friend. My eyes lingered a few seconds longer on her and I knew that she could feel it, too, that's why her expression hardened at my not so subtle leering.

Even though my eyes had moved on, my thoughts were still stuck with her. She looked kind of cute now because she had pursed her lips, clearly wanting to show me that she wouldn't accept me as her new co-trainer, refusing to show me respect. She looked like a little girl trying to be mad at her parents because they didn't allow her candies.

After I was done sizing everyone up, I stepped back and raised the megaphone to my mouth again.

"Now, girls, flip me the bird. I know some of you have been wanting to do that for the last couple minutes."

"What?" several girls asked at once and even Sylvester was looking at me with a questioning look. I nodded to her, to show that I knew what I was doing. More or less.

"You heard me," I calmly said, this time without the megaphone. The girls were still exchanging confused and wary looks and I saw Santana sneer at me, thinking I'd gone mad. My smirk was full on back. She didn't know what she was getting herself into.

"I said, SHOW ME YOUR FUCKING MIDDLE FINGER! Or are you all too weak to lift one single finger?" I barked in a military voice and this time, I didn't need to use the megaphone to startle everyone to jump into action. At once, I saw dozens of hands flipping me the bird. I bit my lip not to laugh out loud at the weird sight.

"You!" I shouted, pointing to a raven haired girl, "Not enough force, raise your arm a bit, even a strict christian girl wouldn't feel insulted by it."

I heard a small disapproving sound and I had the distinct feeling that it was the gorgeous blonde who had huffed.

"And you!" I walked up to a brunette girl who was only one inch shorter than me but the height difference was enough to allow me towering over her in a frightening way.

"What's this?" I whispered, looking at her shaking hand. Now that my attention was directed on it, it got worse, it began to tremble with fear.

"How is this supposed to offend anyone? I can barely see it! Raise your chin, stick your chest out and flip me off like you mean it!"

I stayed in her personal space for two more seconds before I stepped back, not without hearing a shuddered sigh of relief.

I walked back to Sue, who had been silently watching the scene without any expression on her face.

"Is she usually at the bottom of the pyramid?" I asked her, when I was near enough for her to hear me.

Mild surprise flickered through her eyes for one millisecond. "Yes, how do you know?"

"Because she lacks of ambition. She doesn't have the passion to be a good cheerleader. More hiding behind a facade, basking in the glory of the Cheerios' successes, though she herself has never carried much for her team."

Sue and I turned our heads to her, knowing that what I had said was loud enough for the whole team to hear. The girl I was talking about seemed to get smaller and smaller with every passing second under our scrutinizing gaze. And by the looks of her teammates, what I had guessed wasn't that far away from the truth, because they nodded to themselves and sent small glares towards her.

To top it off, I continued, "That's why she was so hesitant to give me the finger, she isn't self-confident, she never accomplished something big by herself. And without having the pride and confidence to flip someone off, you can't be a cheerleader. I would say, get her off the squad if you know what's good for your team."

Sylvester gave me one last approving glance before she picked up her megaphone and shouted, "What are you waiting for? You heard what she said!"

I felt slightly guilty when the brunette took off crying, but I managed to control it. Guilt was one of the feelings that I had learned to lock up and throw it somewhere in the back of my head.

"Take off the uniform before you stain it with your tears!" Sue yelled after her without mercy. Everybody watched her tear her uniform off her body while running and crying at the same time. She did have a hot body though and I guess I had lost my chance with her.

The cheerleaders had gotten eerily quiet. They finally understood that this wasn't some sick or funny game anymore. Well, it was still funny. At least for me.

"Coach, these girls need flame throwers burning up their lazy asses. We have to ignite the spark, the passion that's crawled up their asses and died," I said. "Who are your three best cheerleaders?"

Sue didn't answer, she nodded to the team and three very familiar faces stepped out of the row which made me innerly want to laugh out of joy. Here they were, 'Lopez-from-the-block', her oblivious but cute companion and the totally gorgeous blonde who was still wearing her pouting expression. Okay, she didn't pout, she was scoffing at me but I couldn't find it anything else but endearing because of her attempts to dislike me. Anyone else would have taken this as a sign to back off, but this was my green light for a new challenge. And I loved challenges.

"Hey, _San,_" I whispered sweetly, when I stood only few inches apart from her face, stretching out her nickname given by her tall blonde friend. She growled back at me, ready to pounce at me any second if it weren't for Sue still watching us.

"And who's head cheerleader?" I asked, halfway expecting Santana to spit an obnoxious 'duh' into my face, when an irritated but silky voice on my right sighed 'me'. This was my unofficial permission to openly stare at the blonde with interest now, taking all the time I wanted to memorize her stunning features. Damn, had she a pretty face. It was fucking perfect.

"Stop perving on her," Santana lowly hissed into my face. My eyes darted back to her. "Sorry, honey, now you've got my attention all to yourself."

That was clearly not the answer she had been hoping for as I watched her expression go sour.

"You three, ten laps, now," I demanded, taking one step back so I was out of reach from Santana's twitching hands.

She and Head Cheerleader gasped in indignance and turned to Sue to complain, but she shook her head and nodded in my direction instead.

"But why?"

Ooh, gorgeous girl was pissed at me! _So. Hot. _Just look at the way she crossed her arms and her expression said 'Hell, no'. Hell, yes.

"The best always has to work the hardest," I easily said, shrugging my shoulders. "You do want to stay the best, don't you? If not, you can tell me so and I'll see if anyone else is willing to just run ten laps to become Head Cheerleader."

Some girls did actually look eager at this prospect which Hazel Eyes noticed and she huffed. Seemed like she had no other choice.

Groaning in disapproval, the three of them started to jog off.

"Wait!" I shouted, making them stop in their movements. I approached the tall blonde girl who was tightly holding Santana's hand, which made me innerly want to grin smugly. Tough Lopez did have a weakness after all.

"What's your name?" I asked the blonde nicely, feeling Santana's intense gaze on me. Oh my, someone was protective.

"B. But you can call me Brittany S. Pierce," the girl happily said, letting go of her friend's hand to offer me her hand to shake it, which didn't suit well with the Latina. It was kind of funny to be able to read her so easily.

"Okay." I chuckled, giving her a firm handshake, "you can run five laps."

"What?" Santana exclaimed, outraged with her hands on her hips. "Why?"

I sighed and wanted to shake my head, mumbling 'Oh Santana', did she really think that one worded questions could intimidate me?

I extended my left arm to motion to Brittany's legs, making sure that Santana looked at them and I suppressed a smirk when I saw eyes darkening. "Do you see that? These wonderful legs are the legs of a dancer, am I right?"

Brittany broadly smiled and eagerly nodded.

"And these killers don't need more training than they already have. Five laps are just a tickle to their muscles, to keep them warm but if you overdo it, they become manly."

I stepped closer to Santana so that the next words I uttered could only be heard by her. "And by the looks you've given her, I know that you don't want that."

Her eyes widened comically and I knew that she was about to deny everything.

"Zip! No word. Yes you know what I'm talking about. And yes, you do give her those looks. So stop denying it, run a few laps and work it out on your own, I'm sure that won't kill you. Actually, the tasks I'm about to give the rest of the team is much worse, you'll thank me later."

Santana's expression was priceless. She didn't know whether to be pissed or relieved, so a torn look got stuck on her face.

"Go, before it gets ugly," I said and that was all the motivation she needed before she took the hand of her dancer friend and dragged her along with her. The Head Cheerio just gave me a suspicious glance like she had an idea of what I had said to Santana, but she shook it off and darted after her friends who still had their hands joined while running. _So obvious._

I slowly turned around to face the other Cheerios with a broad smirk.

"So...we're going to form a line. And I want you to decide within the group who's going to stand behind who, because I want this line sorted by increasing talent. Get it? The most talented ones stand in the front. Have fun."

Silence. Every girl glanced at each other. Then everything happened at once just as I had expected.

"It's obvious that I will be the first one -" "No, I'm the most talented one -" "Bullshit, we all know that I'm too pretty to be hidden -" "Yeah, and that's why your boyfriend left you for me-" "WHAT? You bitch! Taste my fist!"

A full on bitch fight broke out. They started yelling at each other, grabbing tops and yanking hair...I already saw the first girl having a black eye and another girl who had gotten knocked down unconscious.

Sue stepped to me. "You provoked this. What if I can't train them on Wednesday because half of their limbs are missing?"

I remembered what she had once said. "They think that this is hard? Then they should try practicing without any limbs attached to their bodies."

And the Sue Sylvester I knew returned. A crooked smile appeared on her face again and she patted me on my shoulder. I had to be honest, at that moment, I had suppressed a proud grin.

"You really are Sue-sational. If only Quinn had your cruel and twisted mind."

"Who?"

"Quinn Fabray. The Head Cheerio."

My heart leapt at that. Finally, I knew the blonde's name without asking. I never asked for someone's name if I intended to pursue them. I didn't know why but it was just the way I worked. If I wanted a certain girl, I never asked anyone about her name or everyone would know what my plans were and tell/warn her right away. Certain disadvantages came with certain reputations. Besides that, it was always a plus if you already knew the name of the girl because that made her feel wanted and special. Like you had done some effort to get to know her.

Sue and I followed the massive bitch fight with huge interest; we were already betting on who would last the longest and the only thing missing was popcorn.

"Is this our new choreography?" a confused voice said behind me and I motioned Brittany to come to stand next to us while Sue was muttering under her breath, "Come on, a right to her nose, then a left to her chin...NO! Useless girl, I've bet one tracksuit on you! Stop crying or I'll personally scratch out your eye balls!"

I chuckled at this and whispered to Brittany, "No. This is their special warm up."

Brittany's face lit up in excitement. "Can I join? I'm not really warmed up yet."

I glanced at the two running figures out on the field, who still had five laps to run and my eyes tried to zoom in on Lopez. Messing with her was okay, but messing with her best friend and secret love seemed to be a bit risky for me. Though I was never afraid to play with fire and occasionally stick my whole hand in it, it didn't mean that I was stupid enough to pour oil on it.

I shook my head but offered her something better, "You can dance as long as you want to. Get your iPod and do what you can best."

Brittany squealed in delight, threw her arms around me and before I could realize what had happened, she had raced off in light speed to the dressing rooms. Only seconds later, she stormed out again with the earphones already in her ears and began dancing various styles. It was cute, really, and she was so good at it. The movements were so smooth. I wished that I could dance like that and learn some panties-dropping moves. But I guess I didn't need that since my looks were panties-dropping enough.

Cocky much, huh? No denying it.

"What, you call that fighting?" I startled, when Sue exclaimed angrily next to me, threateningly waving her fist, "Have you been fighting babies till now?"

I laid a calming hand on her shoulder when she attempted to get lost in the chaos, too, apparently trying to show what _real_ fighting looked like.

"You need both of your arms to strangle them on Wednesday," I said and I almost sounded serious if my eyes didn't catch the sight of a very entranced Brittany starting to vogue. That girl could warm up everybody's heart, no wonder how she got tough and bad Santana wrapped around her finger.

"What's going on here?" a demanding voice panted behind me and the small smile on my face expanded into a broad one. I only gave Head Cheerleader, Quinn, a small look over the shoulder and decided to ignore her, just to tease her. My smile turned into a smirk when I heard her stepping closer to me until she stood directly behind me.

"I asked you a question," she hissed, irritated at my lack of attention towards her. I slowly turned around, giving her a sweet smile, which made her frown deeper.

"I'm sorry, you were talking to me?" I said innocently. She growled at that.

"Yes, who else could I have been talking to?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Who knows. Thought it was a rhetorical question."

Quinn's left eye twitched dangerously but damn, did she look hot when she was angry. I couldn't bring myself to back away from her cause she looked so beautiful up close.

Suddenly, she took a step closer to me until our faces were only one inch apart. My heart skipped a beat and I held my breath when all I could see were her pink lips moving sensually. Wait, they were moving. She was saying something! Listen to her, dumbass!

"- in charge here doesn't mean you're king of anything. Don't act like you own this place, cause I can make your life hell and believe me, you won't last a day."

Oh, fierce. I inched a little bit closer to her, which made her flinch back. My infamous smirk was full on back. So what if she had me for one second? I was still king no matter what she said.

"Hm, I bet I can last longer than your boyfriend."

Her eyes widened at my innuendo and she backed away from me in disgust. It was a risky guess that she had a boyfriend but judging by her reaction, she did have one. I bet it was the quarterback of the football team, I mean, all the cliches had to be fulfilled.

"What? You dish it but you can't take it? What kind of a Head Cheerleader are you?" I arched my eyebrows cockily and silently challenged her to bite back. The blonde opened her mouth to retort and boy, did she look furious, if it hadn't been for Sue to start angrily yelling through her megaphone.

"Enough! Back off, girls! I said, back off and leave the unconscious ones alone, they're fine."

Quinn and I forgot about our little conversation, we both turned around to watch Sue walking up and down between the injured girls. They all had a black eye or two, a split up lip or a broken nose. Scratch marks were evident on every arm, some shirts were ripped open and all their hair was a mess from all the pulling and yanking...

"I honestly have to say that you all failed me," Sue shook her head to underline her point, "I expected broken bones. What do we have instead? Broken nails. You know what hurts more than physical pain? DISAPPOINTMENT!"

The Cheerios jumped at that, even I almost flinched. Almost.

"Everyone who hasn't at least one limb missing will run to the next Starbucks, get me a 'I'm sorry, I failed you'- coffee for me and Ray and then jump back on one leg! Without spilling one drop of coffee!"

"But...there is no Starbucks in Lima?" a girl piped up, then cowered under Sue's glare.

"That's right. But Cleveland has."

Sue's expression was the one of a pure maniac and no one dared to ask further, so they all jogged away and fled from her wrath. I wasn't very sure how serious she meant it with the coffee.

"Coach? Where are all the girls?"

Santana and Brittany came hand in hand and I wondered where they had been all the time when Quinn had been already finished with her ten rounds. I didn't want to know. Well, yes I did, but Santana wouldn't let me join them.

"Just getting coffee," I causally answered, shrugging.

"Training's over for you," Sue added, like me, not in the mood to explain in details. Only Quinn was looking rather incredulous between her coach and me, fishing for words to express her disbelief.

"I'm not expecting the first ones to arrive earlier than tomorrow afternoon, or arrive at all. Anyway, will you assist me again on Wednesday?" Sue asked me and I nodded. We shared a smirk and out of my eyes I saw Quinn and Santana dropping their jaws while Brittany seemed to be more interested in studying the sky.

"Ray, you did a good job today. You showed me new ways to train my Cheerios."

"_Torture's more likely,"_ I heard Quinn whisper to Santana which made me smirk more.

"So, I need to get back, there's some office damaging I need to do."

With that, she marched off, leaving me with the three cheerleaders alone. Oh.

"What was that, freak?" Santana immediately snarled, blocking my way back to the school building. I rolled my eyes and attempted to walk around her when I found Quinn standing in my way. Now that was more interesting.

"What do you want here?" the blonde hissed and for one second, I didn't understand what _she_ wanted when realization dawned on me.

"What do you think do I want here?" I said, teasing her since I honestly had no better answer. I couldn't tell her I was here assisting Sue to let out frustration, to ogle hot girls in skimpy outfits and to gain control over the popular Cheerios.

"Don't go smartass on me."

"Have I been?"

"Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"You know what I mean."

"Do I?"

"San, what are they talking about?"

We both abruptly stopped our short banter to face a confused Brittany.

"Come on, Quinn, you have better things to do than talking to that loser," Santana said in annoyance.

"Yeah, for example making out with that loser," I added mockingly, in the same annoyed tone as Santana. Again, Quinn couldn't take my blunt flirting, if you could call that, and scoffed before she turned around to strut towards the dressing rooms.

Brittany was happily skipping after her friend and Santana flipped me the bird after she had made sure that her blonde friend wasn't looking. I genuinely smiled at that.

Turning my megaphone on and placing it in front of my mouth, I shouted after her retreating back, "That was really good, Sanny. Lots of angry passion behind it, I wants more. Do you go all Lima Heights in bed, too?"

An infuriated shriek tore through the air, piercing my ears and making me close my eyes as I grimaced.

"That's it, bitch, I'mma fucking ends you!"

My eyes flew open and widened at the scary sight. Was she...? Yeah, she was definitely running towards me now. Oh gosh, run or fight, live or die? I didn't hit girls!

"Oomph!"

Huh? Where was she?

"San, you promised me not to beat up anyone on the first day of school!"

There she was, on the ground three feet away from me, knocked out dead by her blonde friend who had straddled her back. How had Brittany been able to run so fast and catch up with her fiery friend? That girl was the bomb. Too bad I was only interested in the other blonde who had already disappeared in the dressing rooms.

"Brit...how...why..." Santana could barely breathe out these words, still lying on the grass, unmoving.

Brittany seemed to realize that she might have seriously hurt her friend and began to freak out.

"No, San, I'm so, so sorry! I just didn't want you to beat up our new hot assistant! She was so nice to me. She let me dance!"

Brittany rolled off Santana and laid next to her and before I could genuinely begin to worry about the Latina's health, my expression went slack.

I should have known. The two of them had started to heavily make out, lying on top of each other in only matter of seconds. It was sort of cute, really, if it weren't the result of Santana's failed attempt to kill me.

Yeah, well, now that the Latina was distracted, I used the chance to run back to school. I brought the megaphone back to Sue's office, went to my locker to get my helmet and walked out of the school, seeing only few cars left in the parking lot.

"Deciding on wich car to steal?"

"Yes, that's why I have a motorcycle helmet with me, Ms Head Cheerio." I said ironically, turning around to face Quinn in a sundress instead of the cheerleader uniform. Taken aback by the change of outfit, my eyes unintentionally lingered on her body far longer than appropiate. If she noticed, she didn't show.

"I have a name, you know."

_I know._

"Me, too. But mine's not 'freak', 'loser' or 'smartass'. Unless you can't get mine right, I won't bother to learn yours."

It was all about maintaining control over the situation.

Quinn bit her lip like she wanted to say 'you have a point'. But never would she agree with me, her pride was at least as big as my ego. A wonder that we could stand so relatively close without her pride and my ego clashing. I almost expected being softly pushed away by an invisible force.

"We can make a deal," I offered and she raised her eyebrow at me. "I call you by your name and you call me by mine. Last name is enough."

She pretended to overthink this when I knew she was going to accept this offer. Then, she nodded slowly.

"Rachel Berry," I started first. I wasn't sure whether to offer her my hand or not but then I decided against it, wanting to save me from embarrassment in case she didn't take it. And it would have gone too fast anyway. We were supposed to dislike each other. Well, I knew that I was doing the total opposite of disliking her and I knew that she wasn't really hating me either.

"Quinn -" "Fabray," I finished for her. We stared at each other for a few silent seconds. Then I softly said "I know."

Her expression was really funny to look at, a mix of 'Why did you ask when you knew' and curiosity of what I was going to say next to explain this to her.

"What?" I said, shrugging, "You don't think that one of the first names I learn in this school is the name of the hottest girl here?"

Maybe that was a little lie but she didn't need to know that I had learned her name by accident, when I didn't care at all who the hottest girl in McKinley was.

Now don't get me wrong, I did have high standards when it came to looks, but for me, there was no _the_ hottest girl but the top 10 hot girls I would like to get down with. When it came to beauty, I had a wide tolerance range and many types.

But after thinking twice, Quinn did look like to be the prettiest girl in this lame school. The only good thing about this school maybe.

"I'm sorry?"

"What?" I snapped out of my daydream, looking at her in confusion.

"You just said, 'The only good thing about this school'," she said impatiently.

Did I just say that out loud? Might as well make the best out of it.

"Yeah, I did. I was talking about you," I smoothly said, acting like it was no big deal. It was always helpful to act like it was nothing, that it didn't bother you, so people had nothing to hold against you. Things that didn't matter to you couldn't hurt you.

That was why I was fully prepared, if Quinn decided to go all crazy on me, screaming and yelling about my gayness and outrageous audacity to flirt with her.

But this reaction never came. Instead, I got something better. Much, much better.

Her pale cheeks slowly gained color and my first thought was 'When is she about to explode?', when I realized that she was abashedly looking to the ground.

Oh! She was blushing! I wanted to let out my inner prick and grin smugly at this, which would've ruined the mood, but there was no need for that. My triumph was short lived, when Quinn's two best friends appeared behind her and Santana had already opened her mouth to insult me again. I raised my hand defensively.

"Santana, save it. Tell me what you want to say tomorrow, I'm kinda tired now," I sighed and strolled away without looking back once. Part of me groaned in frustration and asked me why I didn't take the chance and said something thought provoking or meaningful to Quinn before Santana interrupted us. Now I hadn't even said goodbye in a memorable way.

Slightly peeved, I roughly put on my helmet as I approached my motorcycle. What a day, I thought to myself, as I swung my leg over my bike and placed my hands on the handlebars. I kicked the motor to life and it roared out loud as if it had been awoken from a deep slumber. I carefully steered this monster past the dumpsters to the parking lot.

I watched Quinn and her friends getting into her car and I waited for her to start the engine. She steered her car out of the parking lot, only to stop at the first red light. Not wasting any time, I quickly accelerated and followed her, then stopped next to her on the driver's side. The blonde only spared me an uninterested gaze through the car window, probably thinking I was some rich dude trying to impress her.

I pushed the visor up and this quick motion of my hand caught her attention again. But this time, her gaze lingered on me, better, on my face. Her mouth opened slightly, tracing the words 'what the-'.

I winked at her before pushing the visor down again, just in time to see the light turn green. Without looking back, I sped off and even though nobody could see my face now, I wore one of my proud and smug expressions. I did manage to leave a memorable goodbye.

Surprising girls with something unexpected and totally badass was always a bonus point, because they would come back for more, wanting to learn more about you. Just in case you had more up your sleeve. And believe me, I had tons of wonderful things stored in my magic hat, waiting to be pulled out.

* * *

><p>"So, how was your day?"<p>

I chose not to answer straight away, focusing more on chewing my salad instead. Maybe if Shelby didn't try that hard to keep a conversation flowing with questions out of a textbook, it wouldn't be so awkward between us.

My silence was bothering Shelby, she had neglected her noodles and was continually sipping her wine now. Like her being in a drunken state made anything easier.

"It was – interesting," I finally said, wiping my mouth with a napkin. Raised eyebrows were my wordless answer.

"You were right. McKinley is lame."

This statement made Shelby release a breath, probably relieved that now there was something we had in common to talk about. She wanted to comment, but I cut her off before she had the chance to, because I knew what she was going to say.

"But I will stay," I firmly said, reaching for my glass of water. "And I will join the Glee Club."

I watched Shelby's expression change in slow motion and it was kind of amusing. At first she was surprised when I had said I wanted to stay, then she looked shocked to absolutely horrified and disgusted at my decision to join Glee.

"NO!" She exlaimed in utter indignation and hit the table to accentuate her point, almost knocking her glass of wine off the table. I didn't even try to say something to calm her down, I didn't feel like I owed her an explanation for anything. I continued to pierce lettuce leaves with my fork and then shove them into my mouth.

"Instead of attending Carmel High and joining the very respected Vocal Adrenaline, you choose to … to, argh, I can't even say that out loud. Don't you know that that..._club_ is a pure joke, they didn't even get placed in the Sectionals...Your talent will be gone to waste!"

The more Shelby said against the New Directions, the more did she make me want to join them. The only thing she had achieved until now was to confirm my decision to join the Glee Club in McKinley. Those kids were really talented and I knew to appreciate their talents even if my dear mother didn't. Just because the members of New Directions weren't barfing out money when they belted out the high f note, it didn't mean that they weren't good. They definitely had soul and heart.

"I - I feel betrayed," Shelby suddenly added, but that little display of emotion didn't touch me.

"I don't understand why you would feel betrayed," I neutrally answered, looking up from my dinner with a blank look. "For betrayal to exist, I must have broken your trust. But I don't rememer a mutual, trusting relationship going on between us."

And it stung. It stung because the bullet I had shot at her had grazed my own skin, too. I had risked myself getting wounded just because I had wanted to see her hurt.

For a former Broadway actress, she did little to control her emotions on her face. The pain I wanted to inflict on her was mirrored in her eyes that were getting misty.

"Is this how it's going to be?" she whispered, her fingers nervously playing with the stem of her wine glass. "Is this how it's going to be for the rest of the year, me trying to carry a conversation with you and you turning it into a fight?"

My grip around my fork tightened and I reminded myself to breath evenly. I forced myself to eat one more bite of my salad bowl, though my appetite was long gone. I just did it to calm myself down, before I used to this fork for other things than eating.

"This isn't the purpose of you coming to Lima."

And suddenly the green and fresh lettuce tasted bitter and foul on my tongue that I wanted nothing but to spit it out. I needed water to help me swallow it.

Avoiding Shelby's look, I reached for my glass of water when I realized it was empty. That didn't faze me, I grabbed Shelby's wine glass instead and downed the whole content before she could exclaim in indignation or rip it away from me.

"There is no purpose in anything I do," I hissed once I forcefully put down the glass. "There is no purpose in anything I am, or you wouldn't have given me up for adoption, right? If I was that kid that gave your life a meaning, a purpose, then I wouldn't be sitting here, turning your half-hearted conversations into fights, right?"

I was just twisting around her words. She was making it too easy for me.

I scooted backwards with my chair and stiffly stood up, not wanting to look at her in case that would bring out a rushed apology.

"I'm heading to my room," I emptily informed her though I didn't know why. There was no other place I could be going.

"No, please don't go, we can talk this out," Shelby suddenly said as she shot up from her chair, rounding the table to come closer to me.

I took a few steps back and didn't miss the hurt that flickered in her eyes. She stopped walking and stood still, frozen.

"Sometimes, it's not enough to just talk," I quietly said, taking another step back. "You need to show me. But I guess that chance is long gone. Seventeen years gone to be exact, when you missed out on the chance to show me how much you care by just staying with me."

Without taking a look at Shelby's face, I easily left the kitchen, left her. Left her the way she left me; with no warning and no chance to prevent it.


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter - introducing Puck :)**

* * *

><p>Day two. I could do this. Just another 363 days and I was back in New York.<p>

I was back in McKinley, it was Tuesday and I got here with the same motorcycle again. This time, I had parked the baby next to Quinn's car so I had a reason to see her after school when she allowed herself to drop the bitch act.

There were only few classes I had with her and it was only today that I had realized that she was in my spanish lesson, too. She was sitting between her Latina friend and the other ditzy blonde, all three of them in the second row. I was in the fourth and last row but I still had a good view of her very nice backside, because the kid who had sat in front of me yesterday had moved to another seat in the first row. Good.

And even though the seat behind the Unholy Trinity - as Sue had taught me to call them – was very desirable, I had managed to shoo everyone away who had even dared to look at this seat longingly. A very menacing glare and a cold sneer was enough to keep them away.

I knew they found it strange why I just didn't sit there myself, but I wanted to keep a healthy distance between Quinn and me where I couldn't reach out in trance and try to touch her hair or do something equally stupid. It didn't mean that I wanted to avoid her altogether though. So back off guys, she was my eye candy. The only thing that made this spanish lesson more bearable.

Mr Schuester was blabbing away with his mediocre spanish skills while half of the class attempted to follow. They scribbled down notes of grammatic rules and wrote down some new vocabularies but judging by their puzzled looks, none of them really understood what their teacher was trying to say.

I leaned back in my chair and chose to stare at Quinn's backside instead. Only moments later, like she could feel my eyes burning a hole into the back of her head, she slowly turned around in her seat.

I felt my smirk slip back into place just in time for her to catch me unabashedly staring at her. I didn't know why, but a frown immediately appeared on her face, like it was programmed to do so the moment she saw me. That did hurt some of my ego.

But anyway, I gave her a wink like her frown didn't faze me. She turned back around with an idignant huff, obviously not so amused at my not so secret advances on her. Whether it bothered her that it was me hitting on her or generally a girl, I didn't know, but I could guess that it was unfamiliar territory for her. You didn't hit on your same gender that openly in Lima.

My eyes thoughtfully darted to Santana who was throwing little paper scraps onto the dude's hair sitting in front of her. Well, she obviously had something going on with Brittany and both were Quinn's best friends, so homophobia couldn't be the reason why the blonde reacted so indignant to my blunt flirting.

I had to ask her. Genuinely. This sincere question could either add me some bonus points or completely ruin me but I had to try, normal methods of flirting weren't sufficient anymore for a special girl like that.

But wait – of course, there was still a quarterback boyfriend in the way, though I didn't believe he would be a big problem. Quinn didn't have to break up with him to be able to hook up with me. Just one night was enough and my interest in her would fade anyway after that, and she could handle it as a small, one time being mistake. No harm done, she could maintain her fake relationship for popularity reasons and I could find a new shell to crack, for entertainment reasons.

All was good. This was the perfect plan. Most of the fun was trying to get the girl anyway, sex was just the cherry on top.

The bell rang and cut Mr Schuester off in his sentence and no one bothered to stay in his seat and wait for him to continue what he had wanted to say. Everyone was rushing out of the classroom while Schuester desperately shouted after them to do their homework. And because I had been too slow with my movements, I found myself to be the last one in this classroom.

"Ms Berry?"

"Call me Rachel," I said, shouldering my backpack. He gave me a small smile.

"Rachel. Kurt told me that you wanted to join the Glee Club. Are you still interested?" he asked.

I simply nodded.

"Fantastic. We have a Glee meeting this afternoon. Actually, every Tuesday and Thursday. Just come to the choir room after school; you might have to perform something, but I don't think it will be a problem for you. Your mother is Shelby Corcoran after all."

The mention of my mother dampened my mood. She had been so against this decision and now, here was Mr Schuester being all nice about me wanting to join the Glee Club even though my mother was the Coach of Vocal Adrenaline. He didn't judge me. He didn't care, he was searching for talents. My heart warmed up to him a little bit. But only a bit, I found his curly hair and butt chin to be very distracting.

"Okay, till afternoon, then," I mumbled and strode out of the classroom. Not knowing where I was heading, my feet were blindly taking me somewhere until I rounded the next corner. Just in time to see Quinn standing alone at her locker, grabbing some books for her next lessons. This was my chance.

I walked up to her in grand strides and I swore, she had a sixth sense or something because after she had slammed her locker shut, she turned to me and crossed her arms, waiting for me to be in her hearing range.

My confident smile in place, I tried to approach her smoothly.

"Hey," I greeted her shortly. That was enough. Because if you said more, there was the chance that she could interrupt you with an irritated 'what' and that would bring me out of my concept of being smooth. And the blonde didn't look like in the mood for a nice small talk.

"What do you want?" Quinn impatiently asked. I looked into her hazel eyes and wanted to utter something cheesy like 'Your heart' but that would be an overkill, even for someone like me who thought that there was no pick up line too bold to be used.

"I won't bother you for long, I just want to ask you a question."

Quinn didn't expect that and her familiar arched eyebrows showed me that I had her full attention now.

"Do you feel uncomfortable when I hit on you?" I bluntly asked.

Several things happened at once – a small blush crept onto her cheeks and she bit her lower lip while the ground seemed to be so much more interesting than my face.

_Gotcha._

"I'm sorry if I stepped over any boundaries, I didn't know what I was thinking, coming on this strong," I decided to play the sorry card. And I really liked watching her cheeks gaining color, so I continued, "I get it that Lima's not really open minded. It's just that I can't help it, I have this habit of flirting with hot girls. Especially gorgeous blondes."

She kept biting her lower lip and it made me crazy because that drew my eyes to her mouth _all the time_ and I wanted to do nothing else but lean forwards and...Ray, her mouth was moving again...

" - Santana and Brittany, so no, I'm not bothered by, you know, homosexual people. I'm just not used to a girl hitting on me, especially not so directly and you remind me a lot of our school player, Puck. It's kind of disturbing to see a female version of him running around. Since he's been trying to get into my pants for, I don't know, forever."

It was the longest talk I ever had with her and she didn't insult me once. I told you it would work, this whole being sincere thing, girls loved the 'being honest' stuff, though it didn't necessarily apply to themselves.

_Wait – who had been trying to get into her pants before me?_

"I think it's rude of you to say that I'm his female version since I don't have any intentions of getting intimate with you," I casually answered, but her sceptical expression was back, even if she was still blushing.

"Really? What about yesterday, when you suggested us doing inappropiate things, _twice_?"

Damn, I forgot. I dished out innuendos all the time, they were deeply rooted in my speaking habits. Half of the stuff I said was usually suggestive.

"I didn't mean them." _Well, I kind of did mean them._ "I'm just a big flirt but I never mean any of the things I say. I'm sorry if it offended you but that's just a bad habit of mine."

I wanted to make this sound like a genuine confession, like a secret only she was in on, so that would give me more credit. I set up my smile to be small and bashful, and it partly worked. Quinn's stance wasn't stiff as before and she allowed her frown to disappear from her face.

"Well, it's...nice of you to come and clear up the misunderstandings, but don't think that we are friends now. Hold back your flirting, I don't need any rumors about me being gay."

She straightened her back and strutted away without leaving a goodbye. She got me staring after her, my eyes tracing her retreating form for as long as possible until she vanished around the corner.

So that was the real reason why she rejected my advances on her. If someone saw me flirting with her and she didn't clearly show that she was absolutely disgusted by it, then rumors questioning her sexuality would start to fly around. That was why she was relatively friendly to me yesterday after school, when no one was around anymore.

And I could understand her motives, really, because as often as I had already said it, Ohio was not known for being open minded to homosexuality. And taking Kurt for example, he was bullied for being openly gay but he had such a amicable personality. If only other people could see that past their homophobia.

Quinn didn't want to be associated with anything that could damage her popularity since being perfect was the only way to stay on top. I lowly growled at that thought. This school had a seriously fucked up system.

* * *

><p>It was lunch time and I sat with Kurt and his friends after he had introduced them to me. Like me, they all had brought their own lunch and now they were explaining the current system of this school to me.<p>

"No female basketball team?" I choked out in shock at this new information, pieces of my sandwhich getting stuck in my throat.

"No, only male sports clubs. Like football and ice hockey. But they suck, never won anything big. Whereas the Cheerios win everything that you can possibly win," Kurt enlightened me. I groaned and put my sandwhich down. "No basketball..." I mumbled and shook my head. The others chuckled lowly.

"Sooo, I've overheard some Cheerios gossiping about a new co-trainer. I thought Sylvester would never allow anyone else than her to torture the Cheerios," Mercedes threw into the round, hoping to start some gossip. I suppressed a smug grin.

"Really? Why would she need a new assistant, it's not like she's ever lost a competition before," Kurt mused and Artie shook his head.

"I'll never understand her," the spectacled boy mumbled into his lunch.

"Well, I think I know something about that new assistant," I casually remarked, which made four pairs of eyes dart to me.

"She's new in this school. Probably from New York. Just as crazy as Coach Sylvester and she's sitting with you guys right now," I said, smirking, not able to hold my smug expression back when I saw four jaws drop to the table.

"But...h-h-how -" Tina stuttered but she didn't get to finish her sentence when Mercedes suddenly exclaimed and pointed behind me, "Slushies!"

Maybe I wasn't that much of a smart thinker but I definitely had fast reactions and a perfect control of my body, even if the situation was panic worthy.

I quickly shot up and forcefully kicked my stool behind me, receiving the desired effect when I heard it colliding with someone; a pained yell echoed in the now silent canteen.

I turned around to see Karofsky on the floor holding his shin, groaning and pulling grimaces, lying in a slushie pool between two empty, super size slushie cups which were no doubt originally planned for me.

I stood next to his writhing body and looked down on him, staring into his beady eyes which were narrowed in pain. He looked away and tried to sit up, clutching his shin with one hand all the while, the other hand in the slushie pool to support himself.

"After how many times of being slushied by yourself will you finally learn that you don't mess with me? Stop doing this shit, sneaky attacks from behind are for the ballless. Right, you don't have any balls, I forgot." I looked down on him with the same sneer he had worn when he had tried to slushie Kurt yesterday.

The canteen was eerily quiet, everyone was on their feet, craning their necks to see what had happened. I kicked one empty slushie cup away, watching it bounce a few times before I faced Karofsky again, who hadn't moved. The humiliation lasting too heavy on him, he wasn't able to raise his head and bear it.

After a few seconds where nothing happened like time had stood still, something inside of me dropped, my triumphant smirk slowly faded and my expression morphed into a look of pity.

Karofsky looked seriously crushed and the crowd around us had started to whisper and snicker, slowly creating a buzz in the canteen. Why didn't he stand up? Why didn't he wipe the slushie off his jeans and shout at me, throw insults at my face? No threat, no reaction, no move. I would have even preferred a fight.

He was just sitting there in this pool of slushie, his head hung low, almost like he was waiting for the crowd to disappear from itself, so he could make his quiet exit without having to endure more humiliation by facing all the snickering students.

Why was guilt starting to stain my conscience? Why now?

"Come on, stand up," I suddenly said, then paused, shocked at my own soft voice and words. "Let's go to the bathroom, try to clean you up a bit."

Karofsky slowly looked up to me, his face contorted in confusion, hurt and anger. He didn't understand my sudden change of demanour towards him and believe me, I didn't completely understand it myself either. Maybe it was because I didn't want him to be humiliated in front of the whole student body. Yesterday was something different, only few witnessed the scene. It was what you could call embarrassing. But now, hundreds of gloating gazes were trained on him and I didn't think that anyone could take that.

This would cost me some badass points, but I wasn't heartless.

"Look, I'm sorry that I hurt your shin and your ego but you can't say that you were innocent either. How about we end this before it gets out of hand?"

I offered him my hand, but he didn't budge. I could feel my cheeks starting to heat up. But I didn't retract my hand, he just needed a push.

"I know," I suddenly said, so quiet and meaningful that only he could hear and understand it. His eyes widened in fear, but his fear was unfounded. I didn't plan to ever out him against his will. "And you should know and accept it, too. It feels a lot better than to toss slushies around."

He looked to my hand, then back to me again and I felt everyone in the canteen tense up, too. In the back of my mind I was yelling 'Screw you all', but I concentrated on looking sincere about my friendly offer.

Finally, he took my hand and I didn't even have the heart to pull a grimace when I tightened my grip around his cold, wet and sticky hand to pull him up.

Side by side, we silently walked towards the canteen door and the crowd in front us quickly parted, some of them stumbling over their own feet when I glared at them to move faster. We went to the next bathroom and I followed him into the men's room.

We didn't say one word throughout the whole process of washing his letterman jacket and wiping away chunks of ice off his jeans. I couldn't describe the athmosphere between us because it was neither awkward nor comfortable. We sort of cooperated; a silent agreement not to talk about this. Ever again probably. And I was fine with that, it was a compromise we both could live with.

After cleaning him up, we went to see the nurse and she gave him an ice bag for his wounded shin, which had developed some nasty looking bruises. I would lie if I said I hadn't felt guilty that moment.

And now we had come to this awkward situation where we were alone in the hallway and none of us knew what to say.

"Maybe I-"

"You should-"

We blurted out the same time and stopped. He nodded to me to let me speak first.

"You should go home and rest," I softly suggested.

"Yeah...I'll go home." Still awkward, he slowly turned to leave before he stopped in his movement.

"Erm, er – thanks," his voice was quiet and rough, and I had barely heard it, but it was enough for me. I gave him an encouraging smile.

"And – I'm sorry that I had tried to slushie you from behind. Not cool," he added. Now that was the part which took me by surprise because it was more than I would've ever expected.

"Truce?" he asked and I just dumbly nodded. This time, he was the one to stretch out his hand and I was the one who took it.

"Chrm, bye," he muttered and limped away, not waiting for a reply. I snapped out of my daze when the bell rang and the hallways began to fill with students again.

"That was badass, girl."

I whipped around to see a boy with a mohawk smirking at me. Was he hitting on me? Though he looked fairly badass with his hairdo and had a well-trained body, I just wasn't interested in boys.

"You are?" I asked, uninterested but still polite.

"Noah Puckerman but you can call me 'Puck'," he proudly stated.

So that was my supposed to be male version as Quinn had described him. Not bad, I could live with him being my male version.

Wait.

I narrowed my eyes at him. And that was the same guy who had been trying to get into Quinn's pants for like, forever. No, I was totally not okay with him being my male counterpart.

Puck didn't think that narrowed eyes were a good sign, but he tried to hit on me anyway.

"You know, that chair kicking thing was totally hot. Like it was from some Kung Fu movie. And when you led him out of the canteen to give him the rest, that was the moment I knew you are the one for me."

Remember what I had said about the 'no pick up line was too bold to be used'? I was wrong. There were actually limits which shouldn't be crossed.

"Cut the crap, I won't sleep with you and I didn't lead him out of the canteen to beat him up, I helped him to clean up," I said in a neutral voice and started to walk away, heading to my next class. But I heard Puck trailing behind me, which made me turn around again and he nearly ran into me. I poked into his shoulder with one single digit to create some distance between us and to underline my point.

"No chance. I'm gay," I stated bluntly and watched the change of expressions on his face. Surprised, disappointed, intrigued.

His smirk was back. "Will I sound like an asshole if I think that is hot?"

"A lot like an asshole, yes."

He didn't let that faze him. "We should definitely have a threesome."

"I'm gay, Noah. _Gay_," I repeated for better effect and I used his first name to bring him back from whatever trip he was on. "That means: Threesomes, yes. With a dude? No."

I thought he would finally get it but I just made things worse when I had said that. His eyebrows rose and he whistled suggestively.

"Can I watch then?"

I let out a frustrated sigh. And suddenly, everything happened so fast at the same time, like someone had pointed his flashlight to my face, blinding me with realization.

So that was how Quinn felt when I was constantly hitting on her, not giving her air to breathe. Every dirty suggestion was only fun for me but frustration to her. I finally understood that it wasn't that amusing to be hit on if you didn't want to be hit on by some horn dog.

"I was just kidding. You're still badass, though," Puck quickly said, thinking that my gloomy expression had something to do with his silly advances on me.

"So how did you learn to kick like that?" he asked, now more friendly than flirty and he seemed to be genuinely interested.

"What do you mean?" I asked in suspicion.

Puck mockingly scoffed. "You don't think that I can't recognize a ninja move when I see it? That strong kick comes out of the calf and without some training, you can't pull that stunt without straining your muscles."

Now I was impressed and honestly, if I were straight and had he approached me this way from the start, things wouldn't look too dark for him now.

I gave him a smile, showing him that I appreciated his compliment.

"Actually, I just used to be a basketball player. But jumping up all the time to shoot some hoops definitely prepares your calves for stunts like that," I chuckled and he grinned, pleased to get a nice reaction from me after all.

"That's totally hot. Hey, I really wanna know more 'bout you but I need to get to my Chemistry class now. I'm sorry," he said in an apologizing tone. "Don't wanna get partnered up with some freak when I'm late."

"Wait – Chemistry? With someone called Springer?" I asked, hopeful about the fact that I might finally share a class with someone I already knew and could talk with. Someone whose character was similar to mine.

"Yeah?" Puck answered questioningly before his eyes lit up in understanding. "You got Chemistry class with me?"

I nodded to confirm his question.

"Let's go, I've found my badass partner in crime now and I'm ready to blow up the lab this year."

When he had said 'blow up the lab', I found myself warming up to him and slowly accepting him as my worthy male version. Yep, I was now okay with him being my male counterpart. I knew I was changing my mind as often as my girlfriends.

Puck offered me his arm in a gentleman way and I laughingly accepted his nice gesture, moving in to him to link our arms together.

The smug look on his face matched mine when we entered the chemistry lab and saw all eyes dart to us, widening in disbelief. Puck's reputation was already well-known whereas mine was still in development, but I bet the scene during lunch had openend up everybody's eyes who had thought I was just some new kid in this school. I was _the_ new kid. I was going to change their damn school and their damn system with all the damn cliches.

Puck and I didn't even have to discuss about where we wanted to sit together, he just kept walking to the table in the middle of the last row with me following him. The table was already occupied, but seeing that Puck wasn't in the mood for compromises, the two nerdy looking boys jumped out of their seats, not waiting for my badass new friend to threaten them.

Puck pulled out a chair for me like a gentleman and I grinningly sat down.

"Why so gentleman like?" I chuckled, not oblivious to the incredulous stares I was receiving because of Puck's apparently unusual behaviour. He plopped down on the seat next to me and carelessly shrugged his shoulders.

"It's not like there was a girl before who deserved it," he stated like it was nothing and I swore, this was the first time I found my sexual orientation unpractical. Maybe he just knew how to dish out compliments to make a girl feel special, he was the biggest player in this school after all. For now.

"Er, I didn't mean to sound like that..." Puck quickly added when he misunderstood my pondering silence. "I know you don't roll like that and I'm totally fine with it, hell, I actually think it's super cool that you're out and all, but you know, no girl has ever-"

"It's okay," I laughingly interrupted his cute ramble, now I was convinced that he hadn't been playing. But that was actually a good method to gain someone's affection and I innerly noted this down in my mental memo. Might be useful for future advances on someone.

"Alright class, welcome back to another year of experimental fun!" the teacher, Mr Springer, announced cheerily and he received several raised eyebrows, including Puck's and mine. I hope that he meant that ironically.

"I'm sorry that I was ill yesterday but I will make it up to you guys. That's why we skip the usual speech about what this year's topics are and get straight to the point where we first do a revision of what we had learned last year!" Mr Springer said, still with a happy expression no one could understand.

Puck and I shared a look that plainly said, 'nope'.

"So what were last year's basic topics?"

No one raised his hand. Either they simply had no idea like Puck and me or they just didn't want to pull attention to themselves as a geek.

Mr Springer's face fell slightly but he still tried to encourage us to say something. "No one? But you must remember some things."

Puck lifted his hand which earned surprised glances from everyone in the room.

"Yes, Mr Puckerman?" the chemistry teacher warily asked.

"I remember setting afro-nerd's hair on fire," Puck said in a serious voice and even though I had expected things like that, I still chuckled along with the rest of the class except for one nerdy looking boy with an huge afro and glasses.

"So you admit that it wasn't an accident as you had claimed it!" he exclaimed in a squeaking voice which hurt my ears. Puck didn't hesitate to shoot an answer back.

"It was still an accident. If I had really wanted something to happen, I would have tried to set the whole of you on fire."

Now that shut the boy up and he slumped down in his seat to huff. I high-fived Puck under the table.

I had a feeling that I was going to learn as much chemistry as last year with him as my lab partner, which meant nada. And I was looking forward to it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Some Puckleberry bonding.**

* * *

><p>So, chemistry class with Puck made my day because we always had the same thing on our mind, we never had to verbalize our thoughts for once. We just shared a look and then we already knew what the other was thinking.<p>

For instance, he gave me a piece of chalk and I chucked it at afro-geek, I gave him an eraser and he knocked half of the test-tubes off the table. By the way, that was how we got our first detention this year. A new record for me, second day of new school semester, achievement unlocked.

The normal school day was over now and I remembered my audition for the Glee Club. Searching for the choir room took me some time because I got distracted by some Cheerios who were trying to get on my good side by flirting with me. They obviously tried to get a better treatment from me at the Cheerios' practice tomorrow afternoon by flattering my ego and even though I reciprocated their flirty advances, they better had not set their hopes too high. I was as hard and ruthless as Sue and I wasn't going to disappoint her. Training was still training, I didn't do exceptions.

I didn't bother knocking on the door to the choir room since I could see through the glass that everyone was still talking to each other, confirming Mr Schuester's absence.

"Yo, Rach! My badass bro, why didn't you tell me you were gonna join Glee?"

Was that Puck? Yes, I would recognize his smirk from a thousand miles away because it resembled mine so much.

"I could ask you the same," I replied in wonder and it felt like I was seeing the people in Glee for the first time. Kurt, Mercedes, Artie and Tina were already acknowledged but some of the other faces were so unexpected that I openly gaped at them.

"What you staring at, dwarf?"

Yep, definitely Santana. Then I wasn't imagining her and Brittany and...Quinn. Their incredulous looks matched mine as we were staring at each other.

The three most popular girls were in Glee Club and New Directions was still uncool? I didn't get it.

"Ha, Rach, the same goes for you," Puck lightly said. "What are you doing here?"

I hesitantly pulled my eyes away from Quinn and I nodded to Kurt and his friends. "Actually, my new friends made me want to join."

"What?" Several voices asked in disbelief, including Puck, Santana and Quinn. I just shrugged my shoulders and shared meaningful looks with the four Glee kids I had met yesterday in the auditorium. Kurt gave me a broad smile and his eyes were slightly teary, maybe he didn't expect my admission to our friendship because of their low status in McKinley.

I frowned at that. I was no saint and sometimes not better than a bully, I had to admit that I had done my fair share of pushing people around and making their life harder but never to the extent of where I could break them. And only to people who kind of deserved it, mostly bullies themselves or annoying snobs who thought they could have it all.

I knew I wasn't better than any them if I lowered myself to their level. But I'd never been good with this whole 'I don't need this, I'm above it' thing. I was more like 'Fuck with me and I'll fuck your girlfriend' or something close to that, which wasn't an elegant solution but killed two birds with one stone. I got my revenge and I got the girl.

I strode to the first row and took the seat next to Mercedes, relaxing back in my chair. Puck had followed me and sat behind me, muttering something about 'watching some fine ass' which made me turn around and flip him the bird. But he just laughed, took my hand with the offensive gesture and brushed his lips against the back of my hand, making me giggle uncharacteristically.

Needless to say that this scene was accompanied by many raised eyebrows and slack jaws.

"Really, Puck? Are you that desperate now?" Santana's sniding voice cut through the choir room and I lifted my other free hand to show her the middlefinger which Puck softly took into his hand, too. I pouted at him but he just smirked.

"She's just jealous that she won't be joining us tonight," he said, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively at the Unholy Trinity. Santana scoffed and mumbled swear words in spanish under her breath, Quinn wore a disgusted look and Brittany frowned.

"But San, you said tonight is all about us-" Santana had quickly clapped her hand over Brittany's mouth and hissed, "Britts!"

When the blonde pouted at being so rudely interrupted, Santana sighed and leaned forward to whisper something in her ear and whatever she had said cheered up the dancer again. This sight made me innerly want to 'aw' because even though I just knew Santana for two days, I had her figured out already. No matter how hard she tried to be all 'Lima Heights' and badass, everyone knew that she was so whipped when it came to the cheery blonde.

"So whipped!" Puck lowly whispered to me, having witnessed the scene, too. He did a short, quick motion with his hand, like he was cracking an imaginary whip. A knowing grin broke out on my face.

"I know," I chuckled back.

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late," an older, male voice spoke up and the chattering in the choir room slowly died down as everyone took their seats. Mr Schuester had entered the choir room and he was sorting out some papers on the piano now, most of them were music sheets.

"As you all can see, we have a new member -"

"Wait, Mr Schue, we don't know if that hobbit can sing without choking on her own ego," Santana interrupted him, giving me a contemptuous look. I sweetly smiled back and nodded to Brittany who frantically waved at me like she had just noticed me. Her not so secret lover frowned at that but she didn't want to dampen Brittany's happy mood by forbidding her simple things like waving.

"Right, it's the rule. Rachel? Have you prepared something?"

I nodded once in this cool, suave manner to show that I got this, mostly trying to impress one certain Head Cheerleader when I remembered that she didn't like the whole 'too-badass-for-this-world' act. But how else could I charm her? I wasn't exactly known for being romantic when it came to wooing.

"Which song?" Mr Schuester asked politely and now, I suddenly found myself back in the real world.

I actually had no song. I wasn't prepared at all.

"Erm..." I quickly glanced to Puck out of intuition because he was my male counterpart and he would know what to sing to impress the ladies here without exaggerating it. He understood immediately and stood up, saying, "Mr Schue, you don't mind us doing a duet, don't you?"

Schuester shook his head and motioned for him to go ahead. Puck grabbed a guitar next to the drum kit and walked towards me, smirking.

"We're gonna rock this. How about 'Need You Now'?" he suggested and though I was surprised that he knew this kind of music, I didn't object. He started to strum his guitar.

Now I was sure that Puck was meant to be my soulmate because behind all his bad boy looks and badass character, he had a really smooth voice and he could play the guitar.

We often shared playful glances throughout the song and sometimes, we smirked at the dumbfounded expressions of some Glee members. They had not expected this song choice and even less had they thought that I could sing.

When my voice joined Puck's for the chorus again, I took this opportunity to let my eyes wander around the room.

Of course, my gaze immediately found Quinn and she actually looked relaxed. She didn't scowl or frown or glare at me, she just held my glance steadily, perfectly at ease this time with me staring at her.

But then, a small movement out of the corners of my eyes caught my attention.

Her hand had joined another one and the other one was like a large and clumsy paw, almost covering her whole hand. My narrowed eyes traveled all the way up from the big hand to its arm, to its joined shoulder, to its head sitting on it.

Ah. Her quarterback boyfriend.

Tall stature, broad shoulders and a dopey expression on his face. He looked kind of clueless but cluelessly content. Because his girlfriend had slightly grimaced when he had taken her hand into his. As I had already said, I didn't know much about romantic stuff but I could guess that having a death grip on such a delicate, soft hand wasn't romantic or comfortable at all.

I watched Quinn hiss something to him and seconds later, the large hand was gone, instead it was hidden in his jeans pocket now and its owner had a sullen look.

The song came to an end and Puck and I bowed to the applause before we fist bumped in triumph.

Schuester was still clapping as he happily announced, "And now, New Directions has officially a new member."

I heard Santana's groan amongst the cheering and when her girlfriend rushed to me to engulf me in a tight hug, I couldn't suppress my broad smirk almost splitting my face. Take that, Lopez.

That was how my first Glee meeting basically went; I got accepted, we sang some more and then, before we all realized it, it was over.

Wasting no time, Puck jumped to my side and grabbed my hand, quickly but gently pulling me out of the choir room.

"Noah, what are you doing?" I exclaimed, when he didn't seem to slow down as he continued to guide me out of the school. He barely gave me a glance over his broad shoulders.

"You coming with me, I'mma show you the best and the worst of Lima. Well, only the worst of Lima since there are no really good things," he explained as we were walking through the parking lot.

I frowned slightly. My bike was still parked next to Quinn's car and my plan of meeting her after school was one of the few things I had been looking for when I had come to this damn school this morning.

"Oy, Puckerman!" someone shouted behind us and we both turned around rather impatiently. It was Santana; the Unholy Trinity had followed us all the way here, just before we had reached Puck's old SUV.

"Yeah?" Puck asked with a slight nod.

Santana had crossed her arms and I didn't understand her hard look on her face at all, neither did I understand Quinn's blank expression nor Brittany's bright one. Which made me wonder for the thousandth time, how could someone so sweet like Brittany befriend to Santana? Or be more than friends, from what I had gathered.

"Where are you going?"

If I wasn't so sure that she was gay, she would have sounded like Puck's jealous ex-girlfriend to me.

"Finding some secluded corner to screw all day, why?" I answered for him instead, throwing a little provocation into her face, which earned me four pairs of widened eyes.

"What?" Quinn turned to look at Puck, to see whether my blunt statement was ironic or not. But he only grinned back at her and tilted his head slightly to me to speak under his breath so only I could hear, "Ha, I wished."

I suppressed my urge to punch him as I grabbed his hand and pulled him away, not wanting to be in Santana's crazy presence anymore. Even if I wanted to stay longer because of Quinn, I really wasn't in the right mood to deal with the fiery Latina now. Puck and I had lots of catching up to do since we had found out that we were soulmates and as bros (as he liked to call us), we needed to know everything about each other's life.

"Hm," Puck hummed after we had climbed into his car, "there aren't that many cool places for badasses like us to hang out."

"What do you usually do?"

He pondered for a moment before he replied, "Hanging out at the mall, digging up chicks."

"Then that's what we're gonna do," I said, "the one with the most dates wins a free dinner."

* * *

><p>"Not fair," Puck pouted as we sat in Breadstix, a local restaurant, and he was paying for dinner. "It was pure luck. Normally, things like that never happen in a million years, not in Ohio."<p>

I only shrugged and popped another breadstick in my mouth, happily munching on it as I dwelled on my triumph.

"You totally planned this," Puck suddenly said with mock accusation and his smile was betraying his pouting expression. I cheekily grinned back.

"What can I say, fate loves me," I shruggingly replied and reached for another breadstick but Puck snatched it from my fingers and put it in his own mouth, chewing on it as slow as he could, just to mock me.

After I had glanced twice at the empty plate, I realized, it had been the last one.

"Hey!"

"I could say the same! Who knew that you would run into a Lima LGBT-supporter, the leader none the less, and that she would introduce you to all the members of her club? And why did you lie about joining them?"

I put my hands up in defense, "It wasn't exactly a lie when I had told them that they were gonna see me more often from now on."

Puck pouted and it looked funny on him since I was used to his smirking expression rather than a cute one.

"Still not fair," he muttered.

I chuckled at this but decided not to chew on this already old topic any longer.

"So...what's the deal with you and Santana? All the jealous ex-girlfriend act this afternoon?"

Puck raised his eyebrows in surprise by the sudden change of topic. He looked uncomfortable at first, then he simply shrugged. "We used to be fuck-buddies."

Ah. That explained a lot and honestly, it didn't surprise me. I guessed Santana to be the type of closeted lesbian who would deny her sexuality at first by sleeping with the toughest man she could find.

"Used to be?" I repeated, pointing out his use of past tense.

"Now she's got Britt."

"Oh. So are they secretly together?"

Puck shook his head in negation. "Everyone who's close to her can see that she's totally whipped but she still refuses to be in an exclusive relationship. They're like sex-buddies, too, but this time, Santana's got feelings for Britt and is too scared to act out on them."

Now this made me curious. "Santana's not really subtle, is she? Even I saw her love-struck look for Brittany on the first day I met her. And she's totally protective of her and all that romantic shit."

Puck nodded and leaned back in his seat with a sigh. "I swear, by the time they get together, they're eighty. If only Santana could get over herself, she's sometimes hurting Britts with her denial."

I frowned at this. Brittany didn't deserve being hidden like a dirty secret, she was one of those girls you didn't have the heart to harm or lie to. Santana was being a bigger jerk than me, at least I had no one romantically close to me to disappoint and even if there was someone who claimed to love me, I didn't get their hopes up by staying around and sleeping with them.

"So Brittany wants to be exclusive?"

"Yeah, she often suggests it to Santana but everytime she does, there's a big fight and one of them ends up crying on my shoulder and the other on Quinn's, and then, they get together again after Santana apologizes for being a dick," Puck explained in a casual voice like it was no big deal anymore. And it apparently wasn't.

"It regularly happens every two months. Actually, I think another round is bound to happen, this or next week. They've gotten a lot closer during summer break without people watching and judging them and Brittany thinks that it's gonna continue like this in school, but Santana had already started to drop back into her bitch facade."

"Damn, what an idiot," I hissed and Puck agreed with another nod.

"I give them one week, maximum," he said, "I already bought booze and ice-cream for Santana. And Quinn found a small pond with lots of ducks."

_Huh, what?_

"Brittany has a knack for ducks, don't ask me why. They always cheer her up when no one else can," Puck added, seeing my confusion.

We both sipped on our drinks in comfortable silence and for once, this was something new to me. In New York, there was never a second of peaceful silence, even when you sat in a cafe to chill with your friends, you still could faintly hear the car horns honking and the cab drivers shouting. And if there was a moment when no one talked, it usually felt tense for me, like someone had to say something to fill the quiet. But now, as I thoughtfully glanced at Puck who fumbled with the straw of his drink, this silence felt more natural and relaxed, it wasn't eerie or awkward.

"Hey, are there any good bars in Lima?" I suddenly asked. I didn't know why, but I was really in the mood for some more chilling out with Puck and we couldn't hang out in this restaurant until midnight, even if the waitress over there wouldn't mind Puck staying a little longer.

"Yeah, there is this one good bar where my older cousin is the doorman and once you're in, they don't ask for your ID when you order drinks," he said as he slowly raised his eyebrows in suspicion. "You're not seriously thinking 'bout going out tonight, are you? We got school tomorrow."

"Your point, Noah Puckerman?" I teasingly said, earning a grimace from him.

"Don't call me that. Even if you're my bro," he said, as he raised one warning finger. "And you're right, we gotta drink to our bro-ship. I was being a pussy for two seconds."

I cheerily laughed at that, it was too easy to convince him. "Yeah, I thought you've gone soft."

Puck only scoffed at this offending statement. "Never. I'mma drink you under the table, bro."

* * *

><p>To say that Shelby had been angry at me, when she had found out about my yesterday's detour to the bar that took hours until midnight, was a clear understatement. She had gone all concerned-mother-like and made a huge fuss about it, about how I could have been kidnapped when I had been drunk and defenseless.<p>

I hadn't listened to her lecture about underage drinking at all, instead I had left the house earlier to walk to school since the Ducati was still parked there. Well, I hoped it was still parked there.

The walk to school wasn't long, it actually took just fifteen minutes by feet and I wondered why I even bothered to ride a motorcycle for such a short way. A morning walk wouldn't harm me, I was rather athletic and needed to exercise to feel good about myself.

Since I was in Lima, I didn't work out anymore because I was in no sports team and had nothing to train for. I could use the fresh air here and maybe try to enjoy it, I didn't have that in New York. The prospect of living in Lima for a whole year didn't sound so bad now as it did from the beginning.

My bike was still there without a dirty spot. I grinned in relief, I had almost expected fingerprints all over the shiny metal because of all the people surrounding it and gawking at it.

Wait...

The bike was surrounded by teenagers. With dirty, oil-stained fingers and the hormonal urge to touch everything that was pretty.

"Hey! One touch with your filthy hand and I'm gonna shove it so far in your ass that you can see it coming out of your mouth!" I angrily exclaimed, when one eager jock had attempted to mount on the Ducati, probably thinking that he would look absolutely cool if he just claimed the bike as his own.

When I finally reached my bike, the crowd retreated a few steps but it didn't dissolve, watching me in curiosity as I put my key into the bike's ignition and started the engine. I swiftly lifted one leg over it and craned my neck to see if there was a badass way out of this.

Of course there was, I had pulled this stunt at least a hundred times back in the suburbs of New York, just to annoy the hell out of the people there. It worked best when the ground was full of dirt and dust, and the more horsepower the bike had, the better.

Quickly adjusting my feet and hands, I accelerated the Ducati and started drifting in circles, making the back wheel spin like crazy as its rubber bit into the ground. Another round and another round, creating a circular skid mark on the asphalt as the bike roared, held back by a leash that I controlled.

And just as I wanted, smoke and dust started whirling up in the air, effectively building up a blinding and very bad smelling smog that hovered around me. It was like a freaking ninja move, I was creating a fog to disappear. Just that my method seemed to be bad for health if you breathed it in. Whatever, not my fault that I had to use this drastic measure to make my dramatic exit.

The crowd coughed and spluttered, some girls gasped and the boys loudly cursed, but I didn't stay longer to enjoy this scene, the smoke wasn't going to linger in the air forever. I finally sped off and involuntarily coughed a little bit myself when I caught a sniff of burned rubber. I really didn't want to know what the others were enduring right now, this shit was even worse than pepper spay.

Now don't get me wrong, this thing was never used on me before. But my friends and I were goofing around one night and we got drunk, and a friend of mine had pepper spray with her, which her parents made her carry along in her bag for self-defense purposes. Feeling a bit reckless and curious, we carelessly sprayed it around like a deodorant and of course, right at that moment, a gust of wind had to blow all that shit back into our faces. It freaking aced away our senses, this memory still caused me to shudder.

Alright. I had already driven around this freaking school five times, not knowing where to hide my bike, since the big dumpsters weren't there anymore, who knew why. By the seventh time, I grew slightly desperate and even considered driving it home, before I quickly dismissed the thought. I didn't feel like walking to school again and I didn't have the time, my spanish class was starting in ten minutes. It wasn't about missing education or being afraid of Mr Schuester, but precious time with Quinn would be gone to waste.

Then a brilliant, or rather crazy idea popped up in my head – I was the mad co-trainer of freaking Sue Sylvester, I could do anything I wanted, why didn't I just park my bike somewhere on the field, behind the bleachers?

It was perfect, two meters behind the bleachers was a large stone-wall, so the Ducati was completely hidden from sight and if you didn't search for it, you wouldn't find it. Grinning with self-satisfaction, I left the field to walk into the school building, heading to my first class.

I arrived at the classroom just in time; the bell rang the moment the door fell close behind me. I nodded good morning to Mr Schuester who was waiting for me take my seat, smiled at Brittany who happily waved her hello, smirked at Santana's snarling expression and...no, I didn't wink or do anything cheesy when my eyes caught Quinn's, I just gave her a neutral nod, like I was barely acknowledging her presence.

Even when I didn't glance back to see her reaction, I could almost feel her incredulous stare burning a hole in my back. I knew she had expected me to give her a special treatment when I had greeted her, assuming I was still trying to flirt with her and now, she didn't believe my indifference towards her. That was funny. And typically a girl's thing. Once you got over them, they wouldn't want you to be over them.

It wasn't that I gave up on her, hell no, it was just that I was trying too hard. It would do me better if I turned down a notch. The first week of this new school term hadn't even ended yet and here I was already trying to win over the most popular, most desirable and most beautiful girl in Lima. Maybe the last part was a little bit guess work since I hadn't seen much of Lima yet, but I would only say otherwise if I saw someone hotter in Lima. Until then, Quinn stayed number one.

I barely paid attention to the lesson as always and thank God Mr Schuester never randomly called up students to answer his boring questions.

So what if Quinn thought I had lost interest in her, I had a whole year's time to fill it up with memorable adventures and I couldn't afford it being wasted by chasing one single girl. Better live it up while I was young, where mistakes could be written off as foolish rather than fatal.

I intended to make operation 'Get Quinn' as a side project, like a hobby that you pursued now and then. If I failed, I wouldn't feel bad about it, because I had the excuse to say that I had never poured much energy into my plan, that it had never been important to me anyways.

"Rachel, are you okay with that arrangement?" Mr Schuester suddenly interrupted my thoughts, and not wanting to seem like I hadn't been listening, I simply nodded, agreeing to whatever he had asked.

"Good," Mr Schuester said, before he spoke up to the class again, "you have a week's time for preparation, if you have questions, you can always ask me."

After a short glance to his watch, he added, "You're free to leave now."

Wait, what? What preparation? For what? And which arrangement? I couldn't ask Mr Schuester for help or I would look like a fool, since I had already agreed to an arrangement I didn't know of.

As everyone shuffled out of the classroom, I just went along, deciding that I would sooner or later find out anyway. That was when I felt someone pull me away from the throng of students.

"Hey, get the he-" I growled but immediately shut up, when I came face to face with Quinn. My heart did a small jump and I cleared my throat.

"Hey," I offered her again, this time apologizing and nicely greeting.

"You've just slept through the entire lesson, haven't you?" the blonde said, more stating than asking. I simply shrugged, innerly not believing my luck that she was the first one to approach me. There was something I had done right.

"We're partnered up for the spanish project, thought you should know," she said, and with that, she destroyed my short moment of victory. Now I knew she didn't come to have a nice chat with me.

"Did Schuester partner us up?" I asked, recalling his question whether I was okay with the arrangement. But surprisingly, Quinn shook her head in negation and said, "I chose you."

This time, I was smart enough not to get my hopes up and it paid out, because she continued to explain, "Santana and Brittany paired up for obvious reasons and I don't know if you've seen the rest of the class, but out of all the disgusting idiots and boring losers, you're not the worst option."

I raised an eyebrow, not sure whether to take this as an insult or a compliment.

"So you required my partnership?" I said, just to be sure and when Quinn barely nodded, I continued, "You know that I won't lift a finger to do the project, right? Don't expect me to be all excited about it."

Oh, wrong choice of words. I retreated a few steps, seeing Quinn's eyes narrowing. She grabbed the collar of my jacket and roughly pulled me to her, which I found inappropiately arousing. If she would only crash her lips down onto mine...this time, I didn't even try to pull myself out of my day-dreaming when Quinn angrily lectured me in a loud voice.

Mesmerized, I stared at her soft lips and only caught few sentences like 'strangling you with my bare hands if you leave all the work to me' and 'don't even dream about doing nothing' and so on. But in my mind, I put some different words in her mouth and they sounded more like, 'forget the project, let's get to the real job' and 'Baby, I'm the project, you should do me'.

By the time she stormed off, I had a stupid grin plastered on my face. She had just given me one more reason not to do the damn project.


	6. Chapter 6

I took a good look at my schedule, growling under my breath when I saw that History was my next class. For someone who despised having to learn lots of facts and dates by heart, history had to be the most boring subject ever. I knew when World War I & II had started and ended, I'd heard of the French Revolution alright, and I was no stranger to the bedtime story of how America got discovered by Columbus. Any more knowledge than this was irrelevant.

Very unenthused, I entered the classroom and refrained from pulling a grimace when I saw that old hag as my new History teacher. I sighed inaudibly and strolled to the last row, as always, but seemed like I wasn't the only one who wasn't keen on being disturbed during sleeping.

"Er...can I help you?"

I might have seemed strange by just standing in front of that guy and contemplating on where to sit. Feeling rudely interrupted in my thoughts, I wanted to snarl, 'Yeah, you can help me by getting off my fucking seat' but then I paused when I recognized his face.

It was Quinn's boyfriend.

Tall, clumsy, oafish and just... not right for Quinn.

Just look at that guy, confusion etched on his face and it wasn't the cute kind of confusion - the one that Brittany sometimes had - but it was one of the annoying sort, where I wanted to punch him in the eye and only then would he understand what I really thought about him.

"Nah, I'm fine," I said, biting back a snide remark. It wouldn't help me getting on Quinn's good side if she found out that I disliked her boyfriend. She would immediately jump to the conclusion that I was jealous, and I didn't do feelings which had something to do with romance, let alone jealousy.

So I opted for the second last row and trotted to a free seat on the very right; on my left side sat an Asian guy. At first I was surprised when he gave me an acknowledging nod, but then I recognized his face from Glee Club. He was the dancer pro and had some cool moves. I grinned back. People who could dance like that were always on my good side, even more if they were girls.

"I'm Mike," he offered with a smile, relaxing back in his chair. "The one who can't sing. And I suck at maths, can't play the piano and have no idea about computers. I'm sorry if you thought you could copy homework from me, I'm not doing them either. Not the cliche asian dude, then."

I laughed at this, I completely understood his loathing of being stamped off as a stereotype and I couldn't agree more of his way of showing it. Sarcasm was – and forever would be – the best way to approach a topic that just pissed you off.

"You're really okay," I said, and coming from me, it meant something. Mike just grinned and handed me a sheet of paper, which had some crude drawings of the History teacher. I looked at him questioningly.

"History class is paper ball war time. You're joining me, us two against Finn and Matt," he pointed over his shoulder with a thumb and I turned my head back to see Quinn's boyfriend sitting next to a black dude. Both were already ripping paper into stripes and crumpling them in their fists, actually looking very serious about this whole thing.

"Who's Finn and who's Matt?" I asked, wanting to make sure that I got the names right, not wanting to harass the wrong person.

"Quinn's boyfriend, the quarterback, is Finn. You saw him yesterday at Glee, right? They sat together," Mike absently said, focused on ripping the paper in equal parts. Watching him preparing ammunition for the game, I internally thought about how his name ridiculously rhymed with Quinn.

Quickly glancing over my shoulder, I gave Finn a death glare which he missed because he was busy shredding a sheet of paper in two parts. Clumsy as he was with his big paws, he ended up angrily tearing the paper into thousand little paper scraps, covering his table with useless litter.

"You used to fight alone against them two?"

This paper ball fight was a perfect excuse to tease him without seeming strange, I even had the permission to beat his sorry ass, for more reasons than just winning this fight.

"Yeah, but I still beat them everytime. And now that I've got you in my team, we're totally gonna destroy them," Mike grimly said, his desk was already half covered in paper balls, all about the same size. Impressed, I hurried to make more ammunition to catch up with him.

"Rules?"

"No rules. But game's over when someone starts to bleed."

At first I thought Mike was joking, but his serious expression didn't quiver as he added in explanation, "I might have once accidentally grabbed a sharpened pencil, instead of paper, and chucked it at Finn."

Stifling a laugh, I threw said quarterback a big smirk, which he, of course, only replied with a confused stare. He had no idea of what was about to hit him. Literally.

* * *

><p>It was lunch time and I had intended to sit with Kurt and the rest, when they were nowhere to be found. So moments later, a strong arm looped around my waist, sweeping me away and after seconds of blurry movements, I found myself sitting next to Puck at a table. He wasted no time in telling me about this new hot chick that was in his Biology class.<p>

We sat at a table full of jocks, I think it was half of the football team; it seemed like they never wore anything else besides their letterman jackets, except for Puck, Mike and Matt who all had their own styles.

Apparently, the nameless jocks were sitting together just for show, like it was expected for them to hang out together all the time. They didn't participate in our conversation, hell, they weren't saying anything - just stupidly shoving disgusting canteen food into their mouths, sometimes not even bothering to chew or swallow before they took another bite.

Suddenly, I got an odd feeling and it intensified when Puck stopped talking. Looking up from my sandwich, I watched his confused expression turn into a nervous one as he looked past me, and when his eyes kept darting between my calm face and something or someone behind me, I put down my lunch and smoothly turned around in my stool, nonchalantly leaning back against the table.

Wasn't such a wise idea.

No, no stupid dumbass trying to slushie me, no Sue Sylvester holding a flame thrower, it was simply – Quinn. With blazing eyes and the corner of her mouth twitching, but not in this good way like she was suppressing a laugh, but in a dark way that promised murder and bloodbath. And that was so hot. Forget the scary, I didn't get scared.

Towering over me, she glared down at me and stood with her hands on her hips.

_Gulp._

Now I understood why Puck looked edgy and if I wasn't so busy memorizing her hot, fiery expression, I would feel like running, too.

"You!" she hissed, and poked a finger into my chest. My breath slightly hitched. Damn, I had to keep my cool, so many people were watching us right now...and maybe envying me for getting so much attention from the Head Cheerleader. Even if it wasn't that pleasant.

"What's wrong with you?" Quinn raised her voice, as she added some pressure to her touch. Now it started to affect me, but not in the way the blonde might haved wanted it to. Because I wanted her to touch me somewhere else, with the same pressure but much more pleasure.

"What's wrong with me? Quite a lot, but I seem to be doing one thing right if you keep coming back for more..." I trailed off, leaving a suggestive grin on my face, acting braver than I felt.

Most of the jocks at my table coughed on their food while Puck muttered, "Hot damn" under his breath.

Red-faced and furious, Quinn threw up her hands in anger and exclaimed, "You threw a pencil case at my boyfriend's head! A pencil case! And he's bleeding now! Who the hell does that?"

I put my hands up defensively, "I ran out of paper balls."

Puck and Mike were stifling snickers as the other jocks didn't know whether to be amused or terrified of the blonde, whose face gained more and more color with every second that passed.

_Tomato red._

_No, it's darker shade of red, maybe scarlet._

_Erm, it's bordering purple now..._

"Are you _fucking_ crazy!" Quinn furiously yelled, taking one step forward to me and now she was so close to penetrating my personal space, "It could have gotten in his eye!"

I tried to lean back further, away from the raging blonde, but the edge of the table was already painfully poking into my back. And Puck and Mike were no help at all, they were busy gasping in shock over the fact that holy Quinn had just said a very unholy word.

"He could have become blind!" she continued to scream, now absolutely in my personal space. I could catch a whiff of her wonderful scent and her stunning eyes were so pretty up near, her features were so perfect, her skin so flawless and her breath smelled so good, strawberry flavor...hm, I loved strawberries.

"Princess, calm down, his forehead is far too huge to be missed," Puck finally said in an attempt to soothe her, but it only took a very venomous glare to make him flinch back and fall silent again.

_Geez, and I thought you were badass._

I gave him a 'Thanks for nothing'-glare, but Puck only shrugged helplessly and mouthed, 'I tried.'

Desperately glancing to my right, I found Mike sitting next to me and looked at him pleadingly with wide, round eyes. He pointed to himself in shock and mouthed, 'Me?' and when my eyes narrowed at him, he sighed and piped up, "Erm, Quinn?"

The seething blonde was busy staring me down, barely ackowledging him with a stiff nod.

"Er...where is Finn now?" Mike hesitantly asked, finally managing to distract Quinn from being furious at me when her expression changed into a worried one.

I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding.

The Head Cheerio sighed, took a step back and straightened herself as she said, "Finn's at the nurse. She says, the wound is gonna heal in three days."

Three days? This was nothing. A freaking paper cut took three days to heal until it wasn't visible anymore. I wouldn't even call it a wound, let alone an injury. If I had only brought my other pencil case which was made of metal and had spikes on it...

"Pussy," I heard Puck whisper to me and I couldn't agree more. I didn't think it was a big deal when I had hit Finn with the pencil case back then, not even Mike had foreseen that he would run straight to his girlfriend and whine about it.

"Look, Quinn, it was only a game -"

I didn't get far with my explanation as Quinn suddenly remembered again why she was here in the first place. The angry growl returning to her face, she stepped closer to me once again.

"A game that could have cost him his life!"

"Now you're being dramatic, no one died before just because they got hit by a pencil case, Quinn. A pencil case."

"And what if all the pens flew out of it and one of them hit Finn in the eye? His career as a footbally player would be over and-"

"Which career?"

"- and then I'll have a blind boyfriend -"

"Nothing new, then."

"- and I'll never get to be Prom Queen with a blind, former quarterback who's expecting me to cook him five meals a day and wash his dirty shorts..."

Pause. I eyed her warily. Quinn's expression was hard to tell, which only made me sigh in defeat.

"Do you want me to apologize to him?" I offered half-heartedly.

"It's the least you can do," she spat.

"And then?"

"Apologize to me."

My eyebrows rose up to my hairline. "To you?"

"You almost made me boyfriend-less."

I sighed again. I slowly saw the irony of it, even if Quinn herself hadn't realized it yet.

She was more afraid of losing her boyfriend's popularity bonus than Finn himself. I heard through the grape vine (Kurt), that she wanted nothing more than becoming Prom Queen and it surely would help if she dated the quarterback, no matter how much the football team actually sucked.

"Sure," I said, catching her by surprise that she forgot to be mad at me.

I reached out for her hand and took it gently, ignoring the tingling sensation that went through my whole arm when I touched her soft skin. For one short moment, I saw something strange flicker through Quinn's eyes and I thought she was contemplating about pulling her hand back.

"Dear Quinn Fabray," I started, noticing the blonde's lips twitching. This time, it was a good signal. "I, Rachel Berry, am truly sorry for my outrageous behaviour towards Finn this morning and I swear, that that will never ever happen again. I would count myself lucky if you ever talked to me again. So please, forgive me."

I put on my best puppy dog pouting expression, looking up to her with big, round eyes and slightly stuck out bottom lip. This was an expression I rarely used because I rarely had to beg or even ask for anything, but it was like a secret weapon and when it came to use, there was no escape.

Behind me, I heard several guys start to chant, "Forgive her, forgive her..." as the blonde took her time to reply.

Finally, Quinn allowed herself a small smile and my heart felt like blowing up. This was the first time I made her smile, me, I am the reason she was smiling!

"But I expect you to be at my place after Cheerleading practice today, and you will do your part of the Spanish project!"

With that, she gracefully turned around and strutted out of the canteen, leaving me staring after her.

I slowly turned around in my stool again, to find the whole table cheering and grinning at me.

"Damn, you made the Ice Queen melt! You're so smooth, bro, she went from being simply crazy to crazy on you," Puck said in awe, patting me on my shoulder. "Way to go, girl. She's the very definition of sexual frustration. Finn and her have been together for a year now and they haven't done it yet. And she'll probably never let him. You know, she's the president of the Celibacy Club."

_What?_

_Wait._

_What?_

I felt something inside of me drop. This information changed everything. The world around me went all blurry, like a thick fog was surrounding me, shielding me from everyone, drowning the excited voices of Puck and Mike.

Only one thing was present in my mind.

I didn't deserve Quinn Fabray.

I couldn't take that from her. The V-Card.

She actually deserved someone who really loved her and cherished her, even if it was Finn Whateverson. Maybe he was out of her league when it came to character and intelligence, but he would never leave her unless she gave him a reason to, and he would be able to provide her with a stable relationship.

I wasn't sure if he really loved her, but he was still ten times better than me. When I had at first intended to pursue Quinn, I hadn't known that she was saving up her V-Card, probably waiting for someone special. Now I felt like a downright idiot for having wanted a one time affair with her, not caring about the fact that she might not want to lose her virginity to a one-night-stand, let alone to someone like me.

Finn wouldn't leave her the second he slept with her. He wouldn't act like it was nothing, he wouldn't forget about it, he wouldn't start to pursue other girls. Yes, they were a couple full of cliches, but a couple nonetheless. Their relationship was held together by commitment, even if I didn't know to which extent they were serious. But it was the bond that counted, and I wanted none of that.

Actually, it was only for the better if I completely gave up my plans. I could put myself to better use, I could try making it up to her for being an ass to her, I could try being a good friend. Watching out for her if Finn tried anything she didn't want. I just didn't want her to be used, a girl like her would want her first time to mean something and it didn't even have to be all that candles and cliché stuff. But it shouldn't turn out to be like mine; a drunken mistake.

"Rach? Rachel! Bro!"

"Huh?" I awakened from my trance. The blurry vision had vanished, everything was clear now. The jocks had all lept up and were standing in a circle around me, eagerly looking at me.

"Dreaming 'bout a certain Head Cheerleader, aren't we," Puck smirkingly said, more to his fellow jocks than to me. They 'ooh'ed and whistled.

"Guys, guys. Calm down," I said, leaning against the table again but not sitting down, which would only make me shorter since I was already surrounded by tall boys.

"I won't try to get her."

That instantly shut them up. Puck shook his head, "Why? You've got good chances. This is the first time Quinn opens up, you should write history. Do it better than Finnie boy. Get some."

Some of the boys started to whistle and cheer again, "Yeah!" but I only rolled my eyes. I gave Puck one of my rare and meaningful glances, the serious one. Through my eyes, I told him what I really thought.

"Nah, she's taken and I guess that's uncool if I tried anything," I lied, and I hoped Puck would realize. He looked unconvinced. "And just because I'm gay and she's nice to me doesn't mean I've got the green lights. There are so many Cheerios anyways, it's like they're everywhere I turn up."

It was true, there were so many cheerleaders luring at every corner, I always saw a flash of red and white passing me, it was like half of the McKinley girls were Cheerios. Maybe I should pay more attention to Cheerios practice this afternoon, probably count them just to be sure.

"Yeah, maybe we overreacted," Mike unsurely said. "We just read too much into it, I mean, the sight of two hot girls triggers a lot of fantasies."

"Erm," I grimaced, "thanks for being honest."

"Guys, she's right," Puck slowly said, he had gotten my message. "So many to choose from, why bother with the taken ones?"

But I knew he had just said that to get the guys off the topic, since that was the only way they could understand. And he did a good job; the boys were hooting again, high-fiving each other and starting to rant about their own experiences with the Cheerios.

Puck took my hand and squeezed it slightly, whispering, "You are something else, Rach."


	7. Chapter 7

Turned out that Kurt and his friends had been hanging out in the auditorium instead of the canteen, wanting to rehearse some Glee songs. They apologized for not telling me, but I waved them off, I had been the one too lazy to look into the auditorium when I had already guessed them to be there.

And lunch with Puck turned out to have a good side effect, he told me in chemistry class that the football players had started to talk to each other instead of awkwardly fulfilling the status by silently sitting next to each other.

Of course, it made me wonder why they had never talked before and Puck shruggingly explained, "Everybody expects us to sit together at the same table. They expect us all to be bros or something. But we actually never talk to each other, there is no topic to talk about except for football and it's getting boring by the time. So we cut it."

"And you all never even _tried _to find something else you had in common? Not even discussing girls, video games and all that shit?"

"Erm...I never bothered to find out. I mean, Finn's always moaning my ears off about his relationship with Quinn and how she never lets him get further than first base. It's enough when he does that, I don't need more guys running to me, complaining about their girls."

"That asshole..."

After that, I had completely forgotten about the social issues of the football team and had lurched into a daydream where I used different methods of torture to harass Finn.

School was quickly over and I was one of the few students still wandering around the hallways. I didn't know why I hesitated to go the field where I was supposed to assist Sue in drilling her Cheerios, but my feet were walking in a slower pace than usual.

Finally, when I stepped out on the field, Sue had already made the cheerleaders run laps.

"I almost thought you wouldn't come," she said when I was within hearing range, her narrowed eyes not straying away from the jogging Cheerios.

"Worried?" I smirkingly asked and that made her look at me; an unreadable, hard expression was on her face. Everyone else would have already run away crying but I understood her enough to not feel bothered.

Yeah, I considered myself this cool. Not feeling bothered under Sue Sylvester's hard stare was the ultimate proof of badassness.

"I just saw myself in you. Always challenging higher authorities because there was no authority higher than myself," Sue simply said. It almost sounded like a praise and it was betraying her frowning expression. She turned her head to watch the cheerleaders again, "I need a new choreography, Ray. Something Sue-tastic, so out of this world that it has its own rating. Rated S, for 'So Sue-per Sue-sational'."

Most of the time, I really liked challenges, but I had no freaking idea of cheerleader choreographies, I only knew some lame pom-pom waving moves that I had seen from those horrible chick flicks which my dates had always made me see. And it wasn't like I had ever paid attention to their dancing, I had been more busy staring at their well shaped bodies in those hot uniforms.

I didn't want to come up with a reply that started with, 'I'm sorry to disappoint you', so I chose to say nothing instead, hoping that Sue would think I was contemplating on something. Trying to search for answers, I absently gazed at the jogging cheerleaders.

Most of them were already exhausted and slowing down. Only few Cheerios kept running in their fast set pace and one blonde Cheerio seemed to particularly enjoy using her long legs, she even started wildly jumping around and doing cartwheels, all the while still faster than the rest. I squinted my eyes to see better and as I had already suspected, it was Brittany who was happily running in front of a panting Quinn, followed closely by a chuckling Santana.

And that was when a brilliant idea popped up in my mind.

Sue was barking into her megaphone to insult the slow cheerleaders with long-winded speeches, ordering them to do more laps until they collapsed. By the time she thought that they were warmed up enough, she let them crawl their way across the field to where we were standing.

"Sue Sylvester's choreographies are like a good horror film. Even if you don't want to watch it, you can't look away and even when it's already over, it's still stuck in your head for months, haunting you in your dreams," Sue said, with her usual stern look. "And it's time for the sequel. Ray, your ideas."

I stepped forward and received several sceptical looks, including Santana's infamous 'No way, bitch' posture – crossed arms, raised eyebrows and pursed lips. But I knew that that was about to change.

"I actually have no idea about choreographies," I simply said, "but I know for sure that Brittany is the right girl to go to, when it comes to dancing and choreography. I would like her to show us some steps and moves, and then we can decide on whether to use them or not."

Many Cheerios gaped at me, then shot an envious look at an oblivious Brittany who tried gazing at the sun until Santana softly turned the blonde's head to herself and patiently explained to her about what had just happened.

I watched her entire face light up in slow motion and then she squealed and bounced up and down, hugging Santana while doing it, making her laughingly bounce along. And Quinn, of course, got engulfed into a bone crushing hug, too.

I looked to my side to see if Sue supported my idea and she seemed to sense my uncertainty about this decision, so she slightly nodded. Her lips barely moving, she whispered out of the corners of her mouth, "I used to secretly watch her dancing in Glee, copying her moves. I had cameras installed in the choir room and thank god I don't need them anymore, it's like watching soft porn most of the time."

Deciding not to dwell on this disturbing piece of information, I sighed in relief, feeling something close to self-satisfaction over the fact that I had done something right again.

The rest of the Cheerios practice went quite well in my opinion. Brittany was completely in her element, she was dancing all the time, her excitement seemed to fuel her energy and she let everyone else look like an amateur. And another good thing came out of this, Santana was visibly less vicious to me now, she didn't feel like insulting me every second anymore. In fact, I caught her almost grinning at me when Brittany swooped me up into her strong arms and effortlessly tossed me into the air several times, because she was so thankful that I had given her a chance to prove herself.

"Ladies!" Sue barked into her megaphone as the practice came to an end, "I expect perfection the next time you stand on this field and if I only detect one single little finger twitching when it's not supposed to, I will make you do push ups with a sumo wrestler eating nachos on your back. Now get out of my sight."

The cheerleaders scurried away, quickly running back to their dressing rooms, because they feared to stay any second longer in Sue's presence. I was tempted to follow and watch them undress, but I had no good reason to be there and I didn't want to seem like a creep. I would get to see them naked anyway, some time in the future.

"Hey," a bossy voice said behind me and I quickly turned around, knowing it had been Quinn's voice.

"Yeah?" I asked, trying to sound bored and not hopeful.

"I expect you in half an hour at my place," she sternly said with her arms crossed and I simply stared at her with wide eyes. When I gave no answer, realization dawned on her and she pulled a grimace, taking one step back. "For the Spanish project, you pervert. Gosh, I should have chosen Pimple Peter as my partner instead, at least he's asexual."

Not sparing me another glance, she walked past me to the dressing rooms and I finally snapped out of my trance.

"Wait!" I shouted. "I don't know your address!"

Quinn didn't turn around as she dismissively waved me off with her hand, gracefully strutting away. "You knew my name without telling you, I think finding out my address is manageable."

Good one. She got me staring after her, contemplating on whether to follow her or not, but she was right. It would cost me some badass points if I went after her, begging her for her address.

So I found myself waiting outside the dressing room, leaning next to the door where all the cheerleaders would go through if they left. It didn't take long and the first cheerleader, changed into jeans and a t-shirt, came out but she wasn't pretty enough for my standard, so I let her leave. She didn't notice me anyway.

I waited another minute and a group of giggling cheerleaders walked out. Finally, they were more my type. Though they just looked like those typical hot bimbos, I couldn't care less, because what did character matter if you just wanted one-night-stands with them? I didn't want to talk about the origin of the galaxy with them.

To make my presence acknowledged, I lightly drummed my fingers on my motorcycle helmet which I had fetched from my locker before, just for this purpose.

Hearing the small noise, the five cheerleaders turned their head to the source of the noise and five pairs of curious eyes were instantly trained on me. Wanting to do it smooth, I only nodded at them like I hadn't expected them to acknowledge me. If I smirked at them, it would only make them think I was an attention seeker and that was a big turn off for girls.

"Coach Berry!" the cheerleaders exclaimed, startled and a bit afraid that I would use my power outside the field, too. Sue had given me full permission to order her Cheerios around, anytime and anywhere. But I wasn't going to take advantage of that, I didn't need that.

"It's Rachel outside the field," I simply said, without the bossy and cocky tone I usually used on the field. "I'm just a fellow student within these school walls."

Relieved, the cheerleaders smiled, before they slowly walked up to me with sly grins.

"So," one of them teasingly drawled, batting her thick, long eyelashes, "Rachel, tell us, what does it take to convince Coach Berry to go easier on us?"

Now I was allowed to smirk in satisfaction as I already got them hooked. "Oh, I don't think that Coach Berry is easy to please. She has high standards, you know."

"Is that so?" another Cheerio slyly said, "I think we'll even surpass that."

I chuckled and lowly said, "Why don't you show Coach Berry some other time your other talents? I'm sure she will be positively surprised."

And the rest was history. I collected their phone numbers whereas I avoided giving them mine for obvious reasons.

This was too easy, I thought to myself as I watched them go, not feeling the same satisfaction I always felt when I added new numbers to my phone. I frowned at myself and shook my head. I was just imagining things, why would I feel different today?

Finally, after what felt like hours, Quinn and her two best friends emerged out of the dressing room and I quickly pushed myself off the wall and followed the Unholy Trinity.

"Qu – Fabray!" I almost called out her first name but for a reason unknown to me, I decided against it.

"Oh look, your stalker waited for you, Q. Probably been spying on us showering," Santana sneered as they turned around, though with less malice. I mockingly gasped.

"How did you notice me?" I dramatically asked, "I thought you were busy doing Brittany."

The reaction of the Unholy Trinity was hilarious; Quinn turned red and looked away, Brittany happily nodded and Santana looked like she had bitten her tongue.

"So, Fabray," I said, to change the topic, "the sooner we finish the project, the sooner you can get rid of my lazy ass."

The blonde slowly nodded and said goodbye to her friends, hugging each other. I startled when I found myself in a bone crashing hug, too. While Brittany took her time to squeeze the last bit of oxygen out of my body, I looked over her shoulder and gave Santana a small nod and when she hesitantly nodded back, I knew that we had a mutual understanding from now on.

We departed outside of school and Quinn and I silently watched Brittany happily jump into Santana's car, waiting for them to leave the parking lot.

"I guess you didn't find out my address then," Quinn suddenly said, starting to walk to her car. I hesitated, then followed her.

"I didn't want to seem like a stalker if I asked everyone for your address," I shruggingly said, standing by her car now. Quinn unlocked the driver's door and climbed into her car, looking up to me with a small smile. "I'm actually surprised you made the effort of waiting for me."

I really had many cocky and disarming remarks for this, all on the tip of my tongue but I found myself abashedly grinning back instead. I could have easily said something so arrogant that would have ruined the moment, but it didn't feel right. Being an asshole around her never felt right.

"You are worth it," I mumbled, immediately biting my tongue when Quinn raised her eyebrow. "I mean, the project is worth it. The waiting. It was worth waiting for the project, right." I quickly corrected but it was too late, the blonde's lips were already curved into a smirk. How could she? That was my trade mark expression!

"Come on, get in the car," she said with a grin, jerking her head to the passenger side. I instantly stumbled back a few steps.

"No!" I hastily said, swallowing down the lump in my throat. The thought of sitting so close to her with no chance of escape, unless I jumped out of the car whilst driving, scared me slightly. I knew I would say stupid things and try to hit on her when I had sworn to myself to be just a friend to her.

_What have I gotten myself into?_

"I'm riding my bike. Don't want to leave it here over night," I stuttered and before I could make a bigger fool out of myself, I quickly put on my helmet to avoid talking to Quinn. The blonde tilted her head in a questioning manner, then simply shrugged and closed the car door.

I strode in a fast pace to the field to get my bike. Mounting on it, I immediately felt a wave of relief wash over me. _This is freedom_, I thought, as I turned on the engine and carefully steered the bike to the parking lot, where Quinn was waiting in her car.

Her car door window rolled down and she gave me a hand sign to follow her. I simply nodded and let the motor roar a few times, loudly announcing that I was ready. The blonde shook her head to herself and pulled her car out of the parking space, driving away. Wondering what her head-shaking meant, I accelerated and followed her, quickly catching up with her.

"Come on," I muttered in my helmet. Quinn was driving so slow and there were no other cars on the streets. Her Lexus wouldn't explode if she stepped on the gas some more.

Seeing that the road would stay straight for at least another mile, I added some speed until I drove next to Quinn's car, on her driver's side. I knew it was dangerous but since when had I been reasonable?

I glanced to my right side to see if Quinn had noticed me yet, and of course, she was frantically waving her left hand, motioning me to get the hell away from her side, the other hand still tightly gripping the steering wheel.

I chuckled to myself and accelerated some more, now driving in front of her, though I was sure I would be lost if a crossroad turned up. Just to annoy Quinn, I drove in snake lines, from right to left, left to right. Loud honking could be heard behind me and I smirked to myself.

I steered the bike to the right side and stopped accelerating, waiting for Quinn to catch up and sure enough, I saw her driving next to me. She had a frown on her face and her mouth was moving, like she was mumbling under her breath. I really wanted to know what she was saying, but all I could make out was the roaring enginge of my bike along with the soft purr of Quinn's Lexus.

Still letting my motorcycle roll with its previous boost, I slowly drove behind Quinn again. I didn't do anything stupid after that, I kept a safe distance to her car and tolerated the fact that we were almost driving with walking speed.

Finally, pulling up to Quinn's house, I mounted off the bike and took off my helmet, running my hand through my ruffled hair to make it look okay again. I watched Quinn emerge out of her car and gracefully closing the door offhand.

"Didn't think we would arrive here before midnight," I mumbled, not quiet enough for Quinn to miss it. She shot me a glare and strutted with her head held high to her house door. I had no other option than to trail behind her. When she opened the door, I moved to follow her in, but she turned around and poked a finger into my chest, pushing me back.

"Before you enter, I want you to get acquainted with a few rules in this house," she said with a stern look and I blankly stared back. What? Rules?

I really wanted to say, 'Sweetheart, do I look like I'm following rules?' in that moment.

"First, don't touch anything here unless I allow you to."

_Does that imply you?_

I weakly nodded, feeling stupid for standing at the threshold, only to be let in after I had heard some rules I was going to break anyway.

"Second, I expect full concentration and participation when working on this project. You will do your part."

Again, I shortly nodded, longingly looking past Quinn. The hallway was nicely decorated and had a warm beige color to it and I caught a glimpse of the living room. It had a mix of modern and old-fashioned furniture and the large, comfy looking leather couch was calling my name.

Straying away with my thoughts, I missed Quinn's third and fourth and thousandth rule, until she loudly said, "Berry? Did you understand what I said?"

"Nope, but I'm sure you'll remind me when I break one of these stupid rules," I said and quickly slipped past her, earning an indignant gasp.

"Berry, I swear..." Quinn growled behind me and I turned around to put a finger to her lips, effectively silencing her.

_Oh, wow._

Gosh, were they soft and I really wanted to lean forward and replace my finger with my mouth, when I remembered that I wasn't supposed to do that.

Any other girl and this would have been my cue to kiss her senseless, then lead her to the living room and have my way with her on the couch.

I bet the couch was mocking me right now. I felt it.

"Quinn, I was kidding," I quietly said, almost softly. Her beautiful hazel eyes widely stared at me and I didn't dare to blink, not wanting to break the intense contact.

_Ray. The plan._

What plan?

_The plan of just being friends._

With benefits?

_No, Ray. Just friends. This means, get your fucking finger **off** her lips!_

Suddenly realizing that my finger was still on her lips, I quickly took my hand back like I got burned, hiding it in my jeans pocket. The other hand was scratching my neck in a nervous manner.

Quinn blinked a few times, then shakingly said, "Here or my bedroom?"

Almost choking on my breath, I spluttered, "What?"

The blonde blushed when she realized the double meaning of what she had said. "I mean, the project. Want to do the project in the living room or in my room?"

_Get your mind out of the gutter. This instant._

Feeling overwhelmed, I shrugged, "Whereever it's more convenient."

"My room, that is," Quinn muttered more to herself than to me, walking up the stairs without looking back to see if I had followed her. Not that I wouldn't do it like a clingy puppy anyway.

Staying innocent around her turned out to be the most difficult task in my life.


	8. Chapter 8

An hour into the project, after I had found out that our project topic was about Peru, we fell into a comfortable pattern where Quinn would read out information from the internet and I would write them down. Of course I hadn't agreed to this without protesting at first but after receiving a venomous glare from the blonde, I admitted that there were far worse things than just scribbling down notes in spanish.

" - shape of a panther. Do you think that this is a fact worth mentioning?" Quinn absently asked me as she stared at the laptop screen, gnawing on her bottom lip which caused me to distractedly stare at her.

_Stop doing that if you know what's good for you._

"Berry?"

"Hm?"

Quinn stopped chewing on her bottom lip and turned her head to face me; frustration laced her voice when she impatiently asked, "Are you listening to me?"

She snapped with her fingers and glared at me.

Snapping out of whatever trance I had been in, I quickly nodded to affirm whatever she had just said.

"Good, then you just agreed to make the PowerPoint presentation."

"What? No, no, wait there, Princess." I straightened myself in my seat and defensively raised one hand, "I can't recall ever agreeing to that."

"Then can you recall anything of what I've been saying for the last few minutes?" Quinn retorted with irritation.

This had to be a test. And I had to pass it.

Scrunching up my eyebrows, I slowly and questioningly tried, "You were talking about...Peru?"

I received an irritated eyeroll and a sigh. "Maybe it's not too late to change partners..."

This was gnawing at my oversized ego and I gave her a scowl, immediately countering, "Don't forget that _you_ were the one who chose me. I wouldn't have minded getting partnered up with that hot skater chick in the third row."

This disarming argument worked surprisingly well, the blonde abruptly turned her head away from me and chose to blankly stare at the laptop screen again, though I was sure that she wasn't reading anything.

Quiet Quinn was starting to bother me, so I sighed and reluctantly said, "Sorry, you're right, I should have listened to you. From now on, you have my full attention."

Quinn shook her head at no one particular, like she wanted to get rid of annoying thoughts, before she faced me again and gave me a small smile. "Let's try it again."

From then on, I avoided looking at Quinn and focused on my notes instead. I had never realized till now how ugly my writing was, it was so sloppy and uneven, this could have been the writing of a boy. And maybe that wasn't so far from reality when it came to my libido and my ego. Innerly, I was as much of a pig as a hormonal, teenage boy.

Dropping my pen, I shook my hand to loosen it up, it was all tense from writing so long. I wasn't used to writing so much since I never wrote notes in class or did homework. Stretching my middle finger until it made '_crack_', I earned a disgusted "Ew" from Quinn. My lips twitched into a smile before I could help myself.

"Stop doing that."

I stuck out my tongue childishly and did the opposite, bending over every single finger until they made the funny cracking noise that sounded like bones breaking.

"Okay, here, you do the research and I'll be the writer," Quinn said with a grimace and handed her laptop to me. Grinning and sighing in relief, I took her laptop thankfully and leaned back in my chair while Quinn took my notes and went back to sitting on her bed. I eyed her bed longer than necessary, thinking it was large enough for two people to lie on it. I forcefully stopped my naughty thoughts and trained my eyes on the laptop screen. I had to stay focused.

We continued doing the project for another half an hour before I got bored and opened another window to be in Facebook. Quinn didn't know it though, she was still writing down the things I absently told her.

I got some notifications about my best friends posting on my wall, saying how much they missed me. They were the only reason I still went on this social website, just to check on them and see what I was missing in New York. Other than that I avoided being online for far too long because people I didn't care about were posting too much stuff no one cared about and I had gotten tired of blocking annoying ex-girlfriends or attention-seeking little shits.

But sometimes it was worth it because of the little things. My three best friends had shot a photo of themselves holding up a poster which said 'We Miss You, Rae', and they wore a sad, pouting puppy dog expression which made me breathe, "Aww."

"What?"

Oops.

"What are you doing?" Quinn suspiciously said and jumped up from her bed, walking behind me to see what I had been really doing in the internet. I made no intention of trying to hide it from her or even close the window where the sweet photo from my friends was. At least it wasn't porn.

I found myself closing my eyes when the familiar fragrance of sweet strawberry penetrated my nose. Quinn was right behind me, almost breathing into my neck as she looked over my shoulder, not knowing what her closeness was doing to me. If I could only turn my head a bit and capture her lips with mine...any other girl and I would have done it. I was surprised at my own self-control.

"You miss them, don't you," she softly said, straightening herself and her wonderful scent vanished. My eyes fluttered open.

I barely nodded, feeling oddly empty.

"You never said what brought you here. I can't imagine why someone from New York would want to move to Lima."

I didn't want to reply, because this was getting personal and I never talked about personal things with people I had known for just a few days. But I found myself answering anyway, "My birth mother lives here."

It was simple, short, taken out of nowhere and maybe not making any sense at all, but Quinn was bright and she immediately caught on, a look of sympathy appeared on her face.

"Don't," I harshly said, facing away from her, "I don't want to talk about it if that's what you're going to ask, because they always ask that."

"Well, I'm not them, whoever they are," Quinn was quick to answer and it somehow irked me that she had found a fast retort while I sometimes was as glib as a sloth. "But even if, what's wrong about offering help?"

I scornfully laughed. "'Help' is a nice way to paraphrase 'pity' but it's sorely missing the content."

Quinn carefully eyed me and I held her gaze. To hell with her if she thought I was going to make myself vulnerable in front of her.

"I'm not pitying you," she suddenly said, "I'm starting to understand you."

"What?" I warily eyed the blonde sitting on her bed with her legs crossed, looking at me with so much comprehension that I felt myself getting upset.

I knew that look, it was all too familiar, therapists wore this expression of utter understanding when they were listening to their patients. Like they understood you completely, like they could relate to your feelings and maybe they did, but it was artificially created, forced. They felt with you because they had overpriced real estates to fund with your money and not because you were important to them, concerning them on an emotional level. There had to be one or two chapters about that in psychology textbooks for college students majoring in this ill-making subject, 'seeing everything from the patient's perspective'.

"Your diagnosis, Doctor Fabray?" I mockingly asked.

"You have the Charlie Harper complex," Quinn simply replied, not fazed at my jab at her.

"And this means -?"

"You're like Charlie Harper in 'Two and a Half Men'. Growing up without an exemplary father figure and a caring mother, he turned out to be a women-disrespecting player. In your case, you didn't have a mother figure."

I was pretty sure that my jaw had unhinged and never before had I felt so offended by someone who barely knew me. The fucking nerve of her, there were certain limits you just didn't cross and she definitely had jumped over them all. I didn't care if her words rang true, it was the way she had the cheek to intrude on my private matters and I had no fucking understanding for that.

"Excuse me," I growled out after I regained the ability to speak again, feeling my whole body starting to tense up, readying myself to fight back, "but if you haven't noticed yet, I'm of the female sort."

I was holding myself back. Testing the waters. How far was she stupid enough to go before I snapped? I was giving her the chance to defuse the bomb she had set for herself, wanting to see if she had even noticed what she had ignited.

"Yes," Quinn patiently said, then added, "and you're not respecting yourself enough if you sleep around."

My left eye twitched. The fuse of the time bomb was getting shorter.

"Not respecting myself enough?" I pressed out between gritted teeth. "We both know that I'm doing that too much."

"Self-absorbed and self-respecting are two entirely different worlds," the blonde calmly said.

I sharply inhaled. I could hear a ticking sound inside me. Not long now...

"I'm having sex to have fun. I'm not doing that because I don't like myself," I pointed out with poorly suppressed anger trembling in my voice, but her prudent expression only riled me up more. "So in your oppinion, all the people who like sex with no strings attached are actually insecure, self-loathing losers?"

"I never said that."

I hissed, "Then say what you mean to say!"

Deliberately delaying her answer, Quinn pursed her lips and thoughtfully stared at me. I was boiling with too many emotions right now to feel bothered under her intense gaze.

"I think that you are afraid. Afraid of finding out the real reasons why you are the way you are. So instead of discovering yourself, you shove the problems away. If you respected yourself enough, you wouldn't let this empty hole unfilled, you wouldn't push the truth away."

Enough psycho-analyzing me.

I shot up so fast from my chair that I knocked it over and I blindly reached for my things, wanting to pack them up as quickly as I could so I could get the hell out of here before I did something stupid. Before I would try to take out my rage on her, doing something I'd most likely regret and ensuring that I could never look her in the eyes anymore.

I heedlessly stuffed notes and paper sheets into my bag, not caring if they all got crumpled. "I don't fucking need this, it was a fucking bad idea to do this with you, that's not what I fucking signed up for-"

"Oh, believe me, I'm not too thrilled about you either," Quinn snapped, interrupting my rant. She had gotten up from her bed, standing with tense shoulder in an angry stance. "Acting so tough and bad, but then start running if it gets real - from 1 to Rachel Berry, how much of a lying coward are you?"

I dropped my bag. For one short yet frightening second, I had considered using physical violence to make her stop. Just make her stop affecting me so much - I didn't want to title the burning sting in my chest as hurt.

"Do it," she said, fearless, having seen my eyes blaze with a murderous look. She stood tall, firm. "Bring it on, I've fought tougher girls than you to get to the position where I am now."

My knuckles turned white because I was clenching my fist too hard.

"You're wrong," I quietly said, suddenly calm though my body was showing otherwise, "about everything. I know why I am the way I am. I just choose to not change because being myself is worse."

And it broke Quinn's strong stance. Her hard expression slipped. "Berry..."

"It's okay," I interrupted her, "what do you know about me anyway?"

We stared at each other for a long time. Maybe I had finally managed to render her speechless. Her eyes, pretty hazel eyes, gazed at me with a mixture of undisguised sorrow and curiosity. The topic wasn't finished, we both knew, and there might be a day where it would come up again under unpleasant circumstances but for now, it was over, dealt with.

Feeling like I could freely breathe in her presence again, I picked up my bag and hung it over my shoulder. I cleared my throat. "Sorry 'bout cursing under your holy roof. And I don't think we should continue with our report today. I'll pick you up tomorrow, so we can discuss about it without interruption."

Before she could protest, I was out of the room, out of the house, of out of her driveway.

I couldn't remember much of my ride back to Shelby's and I only really sobered up when the sound of a door slamming shut startled me.

Standing frozen in the hallway, I suddenly realized that I couldn't call this my home or my 'mother's house'. Because she simply wasn't my mother and this house simply didn't feel like home.

I heard someone rummaging in the kitchen and my feet automatically took me to the source of the noise.

Shelby was in the kitchen, her head stuck in the fridge and I watched her taking out some food she wanted to prepare for dinner. I waited for her to notice me.

"My goodness, Rachel!" she exclaimed in shock, only noticing me after her head had emerged from the fridge, "You gave me quite a shock."

I didn't react to that, I simply watched her features, wondering why nature punished me with making us look so alike when I didn't want to be like her at all.

"Rachel?" Shelby tried again, when I didn't show a sign of acknowledging her.

"Don't," I growled, "Don't call my name."

I didn't know what possessed me to suddenly want to pick a fight. Quinn's words had affected me more than I had thought. And I was still riled up though I had pretended to be fine in front of her. Now I realized that I was still holding this anger inside of me, wanting to lash out at something, someone.

Immediately sensing that something was off, Shelby put aside the things she held in her hand and turned to me to give me her full attention. I almost wanted to laugh bitterly at that. Now she was giving me her full attention? Why not seventeen years earlier?

"Tell me, what's wrong?" she asked worriedly, which only aggravated me further.

"Don't act like you care!" I snarled. "Don't pretend to be the worried mother."

Her eyes widened in realization and I hated the fact that everybody thought they understood me, that Quinn thought she had me figured out, that Shelby thought she knew what I was talking about.

"I do care about you, Rach-"

"I said, _don't call my name_!" I harshly interrupted her. "You don't deserve it. You haven't called my name for seventeen years, so don't start calling it now!"

I didn't know when I had started to yell and I only realized it when Shelby had flinched at my booming voice.

"I could have grown up normally, I could have been someone with self-respect, I could have been happy all those times I wasted in asking and wondering why my own mother didn't want me."

I panted heavily in anger and watched with satisfaction how regret and guilt started soaking up Shelby's expression.

"You have no idea -" she croaked out, but I felt myself swelling up with burning rage at hearing her attempt to tell me that I wouldn't know or understand her situation. She had no right to play the victim in this case.

"No, _you _have no idea," I hissed without raising my voice, but it did the work. Shelby fell silent again as I told her in a bitter tone, "You have no idea how hard it is to explain to a child why there is a Mother's Day when she has two fathers, because for her, her family form was the most natural thing. Imagine her shock when she learns that a woman is needed to bear a child and watch her realizing that her mother must have abandoned her, because she grew up without a mother figure in her life."

Shelby's lips were trembling and tears were starting to pour over her reddened cheeks. She steadied herself on the counter top, shakily drawing breaths, but this sight of misery didn't make me stop because I felt as wretched as she did right now. I knew what I said was torturing her, killing her inside. But believe me, I was innerly dying as well.

"So what do you tell her when she starts questioning the absence of her mother? What do you reply when she asks, 'Why have I never seen my mother? Why don't I know how she looks like? Why don't I know who she is?' And she becomes desperate, because every classmate of hers seems to have a mother they can bring to at public school events."

"Stop, please stop, please," Shelby heart-wrenchingly sobbed, almost choking on her words, her face was contorted with emotional pain, "Please, I had no choice..."

"No, Shelby," I spat, feeling myself getting angry again, "_I _was the one who had no choice."

She fell silent again, still heavily sobbing, a distraught look on her face as she desperately wanted to make me understand her point of view.

"I was selfish," she tried in another attempt, but I cut her off, "You were? You're still selfish. What could be the reason you want me here? Build up a non-functioning relationship with me? So your conscience lets you sleep again at night because you can tell yourself that at least you've tried?"

There, I had said it. Said what had been bothering me the whole time since I had come to Lima. Said what had been lingering in the air everytime we had been together in a room. I didn't know what to say anymore, throughout this whole argument, I had never given Shelby a chance to justify herself. Maybe I had just wanted to get this all out before the opportunity to bare my thoughts raced past me. Before my birth mother decided to leave me again.

"I swore myself not to be like you," I muttered, strangely calm again, "and I succeeded, but the person I've become is even worse."

Shelby was no longer standing, she sat slumped down in a stool and her head hung low, shoulders shaking with every sob. Part of me started feeling guilty seeing her like this, but a bigger part of me said, 'She deserved it'. She had let me down for seventeen years. Hurting for seventeen minutes wouldn't kill her.

"I was scared," she finally whispered in a quivering voice and for the first time, I didn't feel like interrupting her anymore. "I was young, I was almost a kid myself; I couldn't handle all the responsibility that came along with a baby."

"But you could have tried," I stiffly said, not wanting to go too easy on her when I felt my hard trained mask crumbling in a matter of seconds.

"Then I would have been a bad mother."

"Better than having no mother at all."

But Shelby vigorously shook her head, looking up to me through teary eyes. "Don't you understand? Even if I kept you, I would have neglected you and I knew you were better off with people who loved you. I really thought about keeping you."

Something inside of me stirred and I leaned back against the cold wall, closing my eyes. There went my determination to stay mad her. At the same time, bitterness was clogging up my throat. If she only knew in what kind of loving family I had gotten into. But I couldn't complain, it hadn't been always this way.

"I really, really wanted to keep you. But I couldn't take care of you. I wasn't able to," she croaked in a broken voice, which made my insides churn, "And though you probably hate me right now, I don't regret my decision, because you turned out to be a wonderful girl. You are nothing like me, you are strong-minded and brave, you are an independent girl now."

"No," I weakly muttered with a frown, my eyes were still closed, "I don't care about others' feelings, I'm shallow and I'm arrogant."

"Rachel."

My eyes flew open. This time, I didn't mind her saying my name anymore.

"There's a difference, Rachel," Shelby softly said, her voice gaining strength again as she wiped away a few tears. "You were born brave and strong-minded. You can't ever change that. But you can choose to be arrogant or not, you can decide on whether to be ignorant of others' feelings or not."

I swallowed down a big lump in my throat, suddenly feeling utterly exhausted and emotionally drained. My mind was slowing down, processing thoughts only halfway.

"I'm...I'm going upstairs," I mumbled, stumbling out of the kitchen. Shakingly, I made my way to my bedroom and let myself fall down my bed.

This wasn't what I had planned for my start in Lima. I could only hope for this year to be quickly over and everything forgotten because I didn't belong here, there was nothing for me in Lima that could make me stay, especially not if I had New York as the other choice. Though I really appreciated my friendship with Puck and the other finer things about McKinley like being cheerleader co-trainer, I would need a better reason to voluntarily pause my life in New York and extend my stay in Lima.


	9. Chapter 9

I was still a bit exhausted from yesterday but not exhausted enough to not feel nervous.

Standing on the porch of the Fabrays I fidgeted with my hands, hesitating to ring the doorbell.

I could understand if Quinn didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. After unvoluntarily showing her my ugly side, I didn't think she'd want to keep contact with someone so abrasive and damaged. I had lashed out at her and ditched the spanish project, so she had every right to ignore me. But to my defense, she had provoked it. But she couldn't know that it had hit so close to home.

I would never admit that, not even in silence, but it hurt me. Quinn said I was afraid of being myself. If she was that observant, she would've realized that she wasn't being true to herself either. But it was okay, because being true to yourself in modern society was a death wish, you wouldn't survive for long if you depended on acceptance and approval.

But something about Quinn made me want to behave better around her. Maybe it was because her innocence, her belief that all problems started with not being yourself, that I wanted to protect her. A little bit naivety wasn't that bad, healthy actually; it was the little light that could sometimes guard you out of the darkness. But too much of it and it would blind you.

And corniness be damned, I wanted to prove her wrong. I wanted to show her that yes, things weren't perfect but it didn't mean that I couldn't enjoy my life anyway. Just as sex could be enjoyed without love, life could be enjoyed without meaning.

Quinn would learn to appreciate my unorthodox views on life. She needed a friend like me.

Determined, I finally raised my hand to ring the bell, but someone else beat me to it. The door flew open, revealing a blonde woman around forty and I guessed her to be Quinn's mother.

"I watched you standing here for five minutes now," she suspiciously said with raised eyebrows and the question where Quinn had inherited this expression from was solved now.

"Erm, yeah," I awkwardly said, "I'm Quinn's...friend and I just wanted to offer her a ride."

The woman frowned and leaned against the doorframe. "Why? Did she crash the car again?"

"No!" I quickly replied, trying to think of a good lie, "It's just that she gave me a ride yesterday and I wanted to repay the favor."

"Ah, why didn't you just tell me so," Quinn's mother said in relief, now a small smile appearing on her face. Her stature relaxed a bit, which made me wonder why she had been tense before.

"How come I haven't seen you before? May I know your name?" she friendly asked.

"It's Rachel Berry, Mrs Fabray. And I've just moved here from New York, I'm new in McKinley," I politely said and offered her my hand, which she took with light astonishment.

"Hm, what a well-mannered girl. And from New York you say? Why don't you come in and tell me more about yourself?" Quinn's mother offered, genuinely interested and she retreated a few steps to let me in but I mumbled with feigned hesitancy, "No, I don't want to bother, I will wait outside..."

"So modest!" she chuckled and pulled me in by the hand, not noticing the smug look briefly crossing my face. Closing the door behind her, she positioned herself beneath the stairs and yelled, "Quinnie, a friend is waiting for you!"

Not receiving an answer, Quinn's mother shrugged and led me to the kitchen, softly pushed me down on a stool and poured me a cup of coffee, not without me decently protesting of course.

"Shh, I've rarely met someone so polite and respectful." She waved off my protests with her hand, "Why can't Quinn's other friends be more like you? For example that Santana girl, fiery Latina..."

Smirking into my mug, I slowly sipped on the hot coffee, closing my eyes at the wonderful taste.

"...and Brittany, though I can't talk to her without feeling that there's always something I've missed out," she continued to ramble, busy preparing Quinn's lunch now.

"Mom?" a questioning voice distantly rang out, Quinn was probably still in her room. Soon enough, I heard light footsteps skipping down the stairs.

So Princess Quinn had finally decided to grace us with her presence.

"Which friend is waiting for me?" she suspiciously asked as she entered the kitchen, first questioningly looking at her mother before she noticed me.

I loved how she reacted so shocked when I had told her yesterday that I would come to pick her up. Didn't think I'd really come, did she.

"Good morning," I greeted her cheerily, feeling the caffeine start to take full effect on me.

Quinn crossed her arms and stuck out her chin.

"Morning," she shortly replied, less enthusiastic than me and she only did it because her mother was still in the kitchen.

"Quinnie, why didn't you tell me about your new friend?" her mother accusingly said, wrapping up Quinn's healthy looking lunch and putting it into a lunch box. My lips forming a cheeky smile, I mocked the blonde by mouthing, 'Yeah, why, Quinnie?', only to get a glare in return.

"Might have forgotten to mention it," she mumbled and quickly took her lunch from her mother, fleeing from the kitchen. Seeing that it was time to leave, I stood up and brought the coffee mug to the sink.

"Thank you for the coffee, Mrs Fabray. It was excellent," I politely said with a sweet smile.

"Psh, call me Judy," she answered with a flattered smile. "Now off you go, don't want you to be late to school."

With that, she pushed me out of the kitchen and I nearly bumped into Quinn. Grinning at her, I jerked my head to the door, "Let's go" and shouted over my shoulder, "Bye!" to Judy who only laughed back.

I had taken the Range Rover instead of the bike to pick Quinn up for many reasons. One, I didn't trust myself to let her sit that close behind me and hug my waist; two, she obviously didn't like speed or dangerous stuff and three, her perfect hairstyle would get ruined in a helmet. Not that I didn't think she wouldn't look hot with helmet hair, though.

"Berry! What is this all about?" Quinn hissed beside me and I only chuckled in amusement. Opening the passenger door for her, I waited for her to climb in and then I swiftly shut the door. Seeing that Judy was peeking out of the window, I cordially waved at her and went to the other side of the car to get in.

"I swear, if you're trying to kidnap me..." Quinn growled the moment I settled in my seat.

"Quinn, like I would kidnap you in front of your mother."

Rolling my eyes, I started the engine and smoothly pulled out of the driveway, accelerating so slow that you could barely feel it.

"Well, I don't know what's going on in the sick mind of yours," Quinn replied crossly, purposely looking out of the window to avoid my gaze.

I sighed at that. Here I was trying to make it up to her for being an ass yesterday and that was her way to encourage me?

"Really? You understood my sick mind perfectly well yesterday."

After a quick glance in the rearview window to make sure that we were out of Judy's sight, I abruptly stepped onto the gas and quickly shifted gears. I really wanted to arrive at school before noon and driving in a pace like Quinn had done yesterday was inacceptable.

"Could you slow down, please?" Quinn tried to say calmly but her voice came off squeaky. Glancing to my side, I saw her gripping the dashboard tightly till her knuckles went white, and a broad grin appeared on my face. Doing the opposite of what she wanted, I sped up some more while innocently asking, "Slow what down? The thoughts of my sick mind?"

"You know what I mean," Quinn shakily hissed, grinding her teeth when I suddenly steered the car into a sharp curve. Pretending not to know what she was talking about, I glanced at her thoughtfully, but she frantically pointed to the streets and screamed, "Keep your eyes on the road, Berry! Are you trying to kill us?"

Chuckling, I did what I was told just to calm her down.

"Breathe, Quinn. Someone's got to finish our spanish project."

But the blonde didn't find it as much amusing as me, she turned her head to give me a blazing glare and I suppressed a shudder at this. Not because she scared me, but the glare held so much heat and fierce behind it.

"If this is about yesterday and trying to get us both killed in a car crash is your idea of taking revenge on me, then -"

"Quinn."

"-you better know what you're getting yourself into, cause -"

"Quinn!"

"- I am Quinn Fabray and I don't die that easily, heck, I will stay alive just to -"

"QUINN!"

"-be able to finish you off myself in case you survive and if you're already dead -"

"I'm giving up."

"- then I will resuscitate you myself, so I can kill you again afterwards."

Panting heavily, Quinn leaned back into her seat and closed her eyes to calm herself down. Nervously glancing at her out of the corner of my eyes, I steered the car into the parking lot of McKinley. But there weren't that many parking spaces left; to be precise, there was only one empty parking space and I saw another car already steering towards it.

"Quinn, I'll allow you to kick my ass later but please, for now, just hold on tight," I growled out between my teeth and the blonde just blankly stared at me.

"NOW!" I yelled and she finally did as she was told. The moment her hands touched the dashboard, I stepped onto the gas with full force, willing the car to give everything it got.

The parking space was a hundred meters away, now fifty, now twenty – and Quinn was screaming my ears off, louder and louder the closer we got to the parking space, madly insulting me inbetween her high-pitched, panicked screech.

The driver of the other car had noticed my car dangerously speeding towards the empty parking space and when I didn't seem to brake anytime soon, he abruptly stopped and let me drift into the empty space, the rear of the Range Rover missing him by inches.

Pulling the keys out of the ignition, it became eerily quiet in the car and I hesitated to look at Quinn, deciding to stare at the steering wheel instead.

I heard a seatbelt being quickly unfastened, then a door being opened and slammed shut again.

"Hmpf. Any other girl and I would've gotten laid in the backseat for that stunt," I mumbled to myself, climbing out of the car and closing the door with a loud thud.

Watching Quinn furiously stomp into the school building, I sighed and followed her.

"Any other girl...but she's not just any other girl."

* * *

><p>I had Spanish class now and Mr Schuester was late again. This time I didn't go straight to the last row as usual, but I decided to plop down on the seat directly behind Quinn's place, the seat I always kept people away from. This way the blonde couldn't avoid me anymore and she had no other option but to sit there and bear all the stuff I had prepared to tell her. Of course, she could still stand up and leave the classroom in the middle of the lesson, but I knew that she didn't want to ruin her clean school records because of me. Though I would be flattered if she did.<p>

Seeing the Unholy Trinity strut into the classroom like they owned the place, I let a pencil drop to the floor and ducked beneath the table to hide from Quinn's sight, in case she decided to sit somewhere else the moment she saw me.

When I resurfaced again, the three cheerleaders were already settled in their respective seats and Mr Schuester chose that moment to enter the classroom. Now Quinn couldn't escape me anymore.

When Schuester finally started to ramble in Spanish, I slightly leaned forwards and cleared my throat.

"Quinn," I whispered, barely audible, but enough for Quinn to turn around and growl at me. Quickly glancing at Mr Schuester to see if he was looking, the blonde hissed, "Don't talk to me."

I pouted when she turned back around, giving me the cold shoulder.

"But Quinn," I breathed, "I really need to talk to you."

No reaction.

I straightened myself in my seat, deciding to try it with a different approach. I raised my hand and loudly said, "Mr Schuester?", interrupting him in his speech. He looked surprised that someone was participating in his lesson.

"Yes, Rachel?"

"What does 'I'm sorry for being a stupid, selfish and ignorant ass' mean in spanish?" I asked with a serious expression, intensely staring at Quinn's head all the while.

Mr Schuester looked at me with a weary expression, not knowing if I was joking or meaning it.

"No, I'm serious," I stated, my eyes not wavering from Quinn, "what do you say, when you're really sorry and you just want the other person to understand that you mean it?"

I noticed Quinn shifting in her seat, slightly ducking her beautiful head and shaking her head.

Out of the corners of my eyes, I saw Santana turn around and give me a confused look, but I decided to ignore her this time.

"Well, you can always say 'Lo siento'," Mr Schuester weakly offered, but I shook my head, unsatisfied with this option.

"Nah, that's too weak," I replied. "You say 'Lo siento' to someone when you slept with their girlfriend, but you can't say 'Lo siento' to someone who deserves a genuine apology."

A few students snickered at the girlfriend part and I watched with satisfaction how Quinn continued to wiggle in her seat, obviously not able to find a comfortable position to settle in.

Mr Schuester ran a hand through his curly hair and he was at a loss for words, opening his mouth and closing it again.

"See? There's no stronger term for the overused words 'I'm sorry', that's why you just have to believe me when I say that I mean it."

Everyone in this classroom had figured out by now that what I was talking about wasn't related to Spanish at all. I kept staring at Quinn, hoping that she would get the hint and maybe forgive me by the end of the lesson.

"Rachel, if I might just continue my lesson..." Mr Schuester trailed off, still unsure of how to react to my statements. I shrugged and leaned back in my seat, there was nothing more that I could say. I could only wait for Spanish to end and then see if Quinn was still angry at me.

The seconds ticked by and I almost fell asleep, if my eyes didn't insist on staring at Quinn's wonderful blonde hair, so I lazily gazed at her head throughout the whole lesson with my mind blissfully blank.

I jumped at the piercing sound of the bell and shot up from my seat, hurrying to catch up with Quinn who had already strutted out of the classroom before Schuester had officially finished his lesson.

"Out of my way," I growled and shoved away a jock who was blocking my way to Quinn. "Fabray!"

The blonde just pushed her hair over her shoulder and continued to strut in a faster pace, but Santana had stopped walking and so had Brittany. The latter one beamed at me and frantically waved though we were just two meters apart.

Chuckling, I approached them, though my eyes were looking past Santana, watching Quinn vanish around the corner.

"Hey, Britt," I smiled at the cheery blonde, then gave a decent nod to the Latina, "Santana."

"What's with you and Q?" Santana immediately got to the point, crossing her arms. I shrugged my shoulders, replying, "Trying to get her to talk with me again."

She raised her eyebrows while Brittany happily hummed to herself.

"You serious? Pulling all that 'I'm sorry' crap? Never guessed you to be one of the mushy sort," Santana said with an evil grin.

I narrowed my eyes at her. No one told me I was a sap and got away with it. Fully intending to give her a piece of my mind, I opened my mouth only to be interrupted by a giggling Brittany. "Q is a sucker for romantic stuff! And San, you always love it when I-"

Not getting to end her sentence, Santana had already clamped Brittany's mouth shut, looking embarrassed. Feeling a bit generous today, I decided not to tease her about it and let it slide. Instead, I turned to Brittany and asked her, "Does Quinn like heartfelt words?"

The blonde frowned. "I don't think she likes her heart getting felt."

Suppressing a laugh, I nodded and said, "You're right, neither do I. But do you think that Quinn likes people saying nice things to her? Like the things Santana says to you?"

Brittany's face immediately lit up again and she happily bounced, giggling, "Of course, which girl doesn't like that?"

But Santana was less impressed, she gave me a scrutinizing glance when she slowly said, "What's your intention with her? Don't tell me that you just wanna be friends, cause you know what? There's a word that rhymes with 'friends' and I think your real intention is to get into her -"

"Hands!" Brittany squealed in delight, thinking that this was a game. "But why would Ray want to get into Q's hands?"

Thoughtfully staring at her own hands, she missed two incredulous glances being directed at her.

"Anyway," I slowly said, moving my eyes from Brittany to Santana again, "believe it or not, my intentions are clean."

Santana let out a disbelieving snort, "Yeah, right, like I'm gonna believe that." But then a menacing expression settled on her face. "Seriously, back off, she's way outta your league. And she's got a boyfriend."

I retreated a step, scoffing at her. I already knew that she would be hard to convince, but it didn't mean that I wasn't allowed to feel pissed.

"Believe what you want, I'm not wasting my time here."

Turning away, I wanted to head to my next class but felt Santana firmly gripping my shoulder, pulling me back around. Her expression was strangely calm now.

"Listen, I know you're new, but I've already heard some rumors about your rep back in New York an-"

"What? How do they know-"

"Shut up, dwarf, that's not important right now. I know that you're just another Puck, minus the dick that replaces his brains. And I overheard some jocks talking about you and Quinn, about you wanting to get your mack o-"

"I never said th-"

"Would you shut the fuck up now? I'm trying to make a point here," Santana angrily growled. "As I said, leave Quinn alone. She's not gonna be your entertaining chase, she's not gonna be your new challenge or something like that. She's got so much to lose and you're just not worth it."

I couldn't believe that that actually hurt.

Barely audible, I slowly muttered, "You're sounding like I actually had a chance with her. Like it's possible for me to even get to that stage where I can break her."

Santana looked taken aback, apparently just realizing it herself. Not knowing what to answer, she looked away with a frown.

"Ray!" Brittany happily piped up, finished staring at her own hands, "I've stared so long at my hands that they start to look funny now! Look!"

Shoving her hands into my face, I weakly chuckled, still thinking about the things Santana had said.

Brittany noticed at once that was something was off and she dropped her hands, her eyes widening in sadness. "You don't think that my hands look funny?"

"I think they look beautiful," I softly said and took her hands into mine, giving them a friendly squeeze. The blonde smiled again, though it was not as cheery as before. "You're so nice, Ray. You say nice things even though you don't feel like being nice."

I really admired Brittany's perceptive ways when no one else bothered to learn more than what they saw on the surface. She might be oblivious to some things, but she had her own way to express her thoughts. Or maybe that was just it, she had no way of expressing her thoughts, she just did it. Normally, people had a filter integrated between their brain and mouth, and the blonde seemed to be born without it. It was really refreshing to have such a pure and honest soul around.

"Maybe it's just because it's you. You make me feel nice," I tried to cheerily say and it worked. The blonde was beaming once again.

"If San is sad, then only lady kisses can cheer her up. Maybe you could ask some Cheerios, I'm sure that they won't mind sharing lady kisses with you," Brittany said, fiercely nodding to emphasize her point while Santana face-palmed. "But Quinn can't exchange lady kisses with you because she's with Finn. So, maybe music will cheer her up."

"Thanks, Britt!" I chuckled and nodded to Santana who wore her usual frown. "See you in Glee Club."

Heading to my new class, a plan began to take shape in my mind.


	10. Chapter 10

"Noah, I need your help," I said the moment I strode into the choir room, shoving a piece of paper into his hand when he eyed me with surprise. "Only these four chords, play them on repeat. I want an upbeat tune, strumming is fine and try to add a little swing to it, maybe emphasize two and four. Get it?"

Puck only gaped at me.

"Good. I would play the guitar myself if it didn't hinder my performance. You'll be doing fine and I promise I'll make it up to you." I patted his muscular shoulder and walked up to Mr Schuester who had just entered the room.

"Mr Schue? I'd like to sing an original song and see if the Glee kids like it."

The spanish teacher warily looked at me, the whole 'Lo Siento' incident in his spanish class clearly not forgotten. He slowly nodded. "Sure."

A self-satisfied smirk crept onto my face as I signalled Puck to take his guitar, then made sure that Quinn was watching. Nodding to her, I hoped she would realize that I did it for her and how much of my reputation I was risking.

"Guys, I want to perform an original song that I wrote in History class today," I said, receiving different reactions. A scoff from Santana, who had her arms crossed and a surprised look from Kurt, who smiled at me encouragingly. Only Quinn's blank expression was hard to read, but I didn't let my inner frown cover my face, smiling with self-confidence instead.

"I'm not a poet, but I mean what I say," I reminded them before I nodded to Puck and he started strumming the guitar, playing the first chords solo as an introduction.

Piercing my eyes into Quinn's, a broad grin broke out on my face as I pointed to myself and cockily sang, "_I'm an ass and you know it._"

Some of the Glee kids chuckled and Puck almost played the wrong chord when he snorted with laughter. But Quinn merely raised her eyebrow.

"_Second chance and I still blow it,_" I half-sang, half-said it in a cheery voice with an ironic undertone. Brittany started to clap along to the beat, making the other Glee kids join her. My grin widening, I continued, "_Girl, I'm an idiot, but I'm trying," _and I winked at the Head Cheerleader sitting in the first row.

Quinn's lips were twitching and I knew that she couldn't resist my charm for long. She playfully looked away while her boyfriend was staring at me with confusion written all over his dopey face. Sneering at him, I sang, "_And if you stop hiding, I'll stop lying_"

That made the blonde turn her gorgeous head to me again, eyeing me with a pensive expression. Putting on a solemn look, I walked up to Quinn until I was standing in front of her and now everyone knew whom this song was dedicated to. Ignoring Finn's puzzled look on me, I didn't let my eyes stray away from the hazel ones.

"_I'll be honest with you," _I acted like I wanted to tell Quinn a secret, leaning in to her with a mysterious grin until I almost penetrated her personal bubble and I faintly heard her breath hitch. But it could've been just my wishful imagination.

"_I suck at telling the truth._"

Smirking, I retreated and jumped back to a grinning Puck, going in for the chorus.

"_I'm a jerk, I'm a fool, but I wanna change for you!"_

The Glee Clubbers cheered and whistled as I loudly sang, using my hands to gesture between me and the audience. Then I jumped to the piano and played along with Puck, hitting the keys with exaggerated vigor as I started to improvise a melody that nicely matched the chords.

Earning laughter and more cheers, I stopped playing and bounced to the drum kit, quickly picking up the drum sticks to wildly beat on the toms, but still in rhythm with Puck. To dramatically end my solo on the drums, I hit the cymbals with so much force that the drum sticks flew out of my hands to somewhere behind me. And Puck let the last chord ring out before he muted the guitar by covering the strings with his palm.

Loud applause and cheering errupted from the stands, which made me grin with pride. Puck laid an arm around me and smirkingly said, "We should definitely start a band or something. With a badass name. I already see millions of girls flinging their panties at us. Bro, it's gonna be so awesome."

Chuckling, I leaned my head against his shoulder and smiled at Mike who gave me a thumbs up and discreetly squinted at Quinn. My eyes landed on her and she acknowledged me with a piercing gaze that made me feel naked. But since I was pretty confident about myself, I could only enjoy her attention on me.

A soft smile tugged at the corners of her sweet mouth and her hazel eyes were sparkling with amusement, which made my heart first skip a beat, then wildly pound in my chest.

_What was that?_

My smile almost split my face when Quinn slowly raised her hand to give me a short wave, ignoring her boyfriend who dumbly stared between us. Suppressing the sudden urge to burst out into a 'I'm walking on sunshine' impromptu, I looked up to Puck instead and smirked at him.

"A band, you say?"

* * *

><p>"<em>She won't ever get enough, once she gets a little touch,<em>" I cockily sang as I strummed my guitar in a fast rhythm, then I smirked at Puck, who had his own guitar strapped over his shoulder to back up my instrumental. He continued for me, "_If I had it my way, you know that I'll make her say" _and together we joined in for a round of "_Uhhuhuuhhuh"._

Standing on a long table, we were singing and playing our guitars in the middle of the canteen during lunch break. It was Puck's idea to strut up and down the table to gain attention, and it worked perfectly well. We had already attracted a huge crowd of curious onlookers; boys and girls, standing in a circle around us, looked up at us with wide eyes, unsure whether what we did was cool or not.

I nodded to Puck, we had to step up our game.

Suddenly changing our rhythm and strum pattern, we simultaneously started to play different chords and Puck whistled a familiar tune. The crowd immediately recognized the song we were about to sing and some of them muttered in excitement, a few of them whistled along.

A grinning Mike emerged out of the crowd, jumped in one swift motion onto the table and when I nodded to him, he started to dance to the music. His moves were so fluent and smooth, he had many people staring at him in surprise and awe.

"_You say I'm a kid, my ego is big, I don't give a shit and it goes like this,_" Puck sang in his smooth voice and I swore I had heard some girls gasping in admiration.

We were singing this song in an acoustic version, where the rhythm was slower and allowed us to put more sensual emotions into it. Our voices were roughened up and had this edge that sent shivers down your spine; this wasn't music anymore, it sounded like pure sex.

"_Take me by the tongue and I'll know you,_" we lasciviously sang together, lightly bobbing our head to the beat and strutting around like we owned the place, all the while careful not to fall off the table or get in Mike's way as he was lost in his own world.

"_Kiss me 'till you're drunk and I'll show you all the moves like Jagger"_

At this, Mike made some inappropiate dance moves which involved his hip smoothly rolling back and forth, making the crowd loosen up and laugh, now cheering us on.

After sharing a triumphant grin, Puck and I were now back to back, flirtingly grinning at the crowd as we sang, "_I don't need to try to control you, look into my eyes and I'll own you with the moves like Jagger._"

The throng of students were clapping along now and we got all the girls and the boys drooling over us. Maybe not everyone was impressed by our performance but I recognized moon eyes when I saw them. Especially when a hot girl over there was confidently winking at me everytime I looked at her. And she was no Cheerio, she looked more like a rocker girl with her ripped band t-shirt and worn out jeans.

I nudged Puck and flashed him a lopsided smile, slightly nodding to the crowd and he immediately understood what I meant. Mouthing, 'That quick?', he smirked at me and together, we simultaneously started to strum a different sequence of chords where I began with, "_I know you want me and I made it __obvious that I want you, too."_

My eyes found the rocker girl again and I winked at her with one corner of my mouth curved up in a sultry smirk. Not wasting any time in further singing the verses, Puck and I jumped straight to the chorus, "_Please excuse me I don't mean to be rude, but tonight I'm fucking you_"

The crowd went crazy and started to chant along, especially roaring the 'tonight I'm fucking you' part. I wondered for a second where the teachers were, but then shrugged the thought away, they were probably too lazy to deal with us right now. We had gathered quite a crowd, at least a hundred students were circling us and the rest of the kids were either watching us from afar or standing on tables themselves to see us better. No one was eating anymore, even the canteen ladies had given up on their work to watch our performance.

Now we were doing a medley of cocky club songs which all were about the same thing. Getting laid by the end of the night.

"_I'mma love, love you tonight. Give me everything tonight._"

I saw Brittany emerging from the crowd, immediately jumping on the table to dance with Mike. Just when I began wondering where Santana was, soon enough, a grumpy looking Latina battled her way through the throng, roughly shoving the people away to get to the blonde.

Finally seeing what this whole fuss was about, the fiery brunette stood by the table and looked up at me with raised eyebrows. I smugly winked at her and blew her a kiss. Earning an eye roll from her, she decided to ignore me and watch Brittany dancing instead, which almost instantly brought up a soft expression on her face.

Chuckling, I turned to Puck again and together, we let the last chord ring out to come to an end. This was the cue for the crowd to break out in thundering applause and boisterous cheering.

Mike and Brittany bowed to the applause, out of breath but positively beaming. The blonde jumped off the table, squealing, right into Santana's arms who almost fell over but managed to find her footing. Mike chuckled and followed his dance partner, leaving Puck and me standing on the table, surrounded by a still cheering crowd.

"Guys, guys," Puck shouted with a self-satisfied smirk, raising one hand to calm the crowd down, "You know what? Another fucking school year's just begun and I don't think I'll survive that sober. So tonight, party at my place! Bring your hot girlfriends and ditch your boyfriends, cause tonight we're gonna get smashed real good!"

* * *

><p>"I need a break, my head's ringing," Puck groaned, letting himself fall down on his couch after we had spent an hour moving kegs and bottles around, setting up the stereo and moving the finer furniture out of the basement.<p>

"Are you sure it's not because you downed a shot of whiskey few minutes ago?" I mocked him and plopped down next to him, nudging him in the side.

"The Puckster needs a whole bottle of whiskey to feel slightly buzzed."

"Yeah, right," I playfully hit him on the chest. "Last time in the bar, it only took half a bottle vodka for you to start hitting on fourty years old women."

Puck scoffed and shifted his body to lie on the couch, so that his whole upper body was on my lap.

"Pff, I happen to appreciate mature ladies, too," he said, shrugging it off. "And I already had four beers before that."

"The woman you hit on had facial hair, Noah. Facial hair." I shuddered at the memory and thank God I had been able to convince him to do a round of shots with me, which made him forget about the hairy woman. "No matter how drunk, just never do a woman with facial hair that rivals a man's beard."

"I get it, bro. But tonight, I'mma be surrounded by hot girls and you know what that means," Puck lazily said, snuggling into the couch, which was actually a very cute sight.

"Oooh, look at that baby," I cooed and pinched him in his cheeks, "isn't he cute? Hm?"

"Rach, stop it." Puck turned over and yawned, stretching his muscular arms, before he crossed them behind his head, lazily gazing at me. "What about you, though? You don't wanna just settle for one girl tonight, right? I mean, that rocker girl is hot and all, but if you wanna be my female counterpart, you gotta step up your game."

I rolled my eyes and poked a finger into his abs, which made him chuckle.

"You boys and your 'quantity over quality' philosophy. You always think the more the better." I sighed, I was about to teach him a serious lesson regarding girls, "So you wanna get laid as often as possible in one night. Then I can predict with the probability of ninety percent that none of your girls will have an orgasm."

That made Puck sit up straight. "What? You serious?"

"Yeah. Cause you'll be so focused on doing it quick, since you want to do it often, that you'll totally ignore the girl's needs. And that is the worst you thing you could do. Think about it," I slowly said, "if you give the girl the best orgasm she's ever had, she'll try to sleep with you again and another bonus is that she'll tell at least one of her friends."

Puck slowly nodded as he processed the new learned things. Then he earnestly asked, "And what about the 'Wait three days, before you call the girl'-rule?"

"Bullshit," I scoffed, shaking my head. "It's not a rule, it's just fucking stupid. Who came up with that anyway? I tell you how it's done."

I watched Puck lie back down on the couch, now listening to me with rapt attention. I grinned at him.

"You call the girl right away."

"What?" Puck frowned.

I nodded. "Yes, it's the first thing you do the next day after you've got her number. Give her the feeling that she's wanted and that you're serious about this. Ask her out on a date but when you arrange it, you somehow never have time when she does. Rearrange your date at least twice, send her flowers as an apology everytime you do that. Call her every second day to make sure that the date's still on and leave her sweet messages."

Puck didn't look convinced but he nodded to let me continue.

"And when you finally have the date, she'll feel safe around you because putting so much effort into a date proves that you're not in it for sex. Chances are that she will make the first step if she wants to go further."

I stopped explaining when I saw the look Puck was giving me. "What?"

He shrugged. "Let me be honest with you bro, you're a bigger asshole than me."

My first reaction was to defend myself before I stilled. "Easy for you to say, but most of the lesbian girls work differently. Insecure and sometimes inexperienced when it comes to sex. It's hard work, Noah."

He laughed, "Okay, if you think that justifies the way you get their hopes up. I mean, sure, chances of getting laid with your method are high but chances of getting someone hurt is even higher. At least when I hit on a girl, she knows what she's getting herself into. But you're just mean, girl."

"Oh shut up," I shoved him and he chuckled. I muttered, "I'm not proud of it, you know. I don't think I have an ex who doesn't either hate me or still believes she has a chance."

Puck noticed the genuine tone in my voice, so he sighed when he softly asked, "Was it at least worth it?"

I weakly smiled. "For the time being, yes. But I always regret it once they start calling back."

There was a pause in our conversation when Puck suddenly blurted out, "Would you regret it if Quinn called you back?"

My eyes widened as I disbelievingly stared at him. What motivated him to ask this question?

I slowly shook my head. "I won't give her a reason to call me back. Because Idon't want be her first when I won't be her second."

There was something in my voice that sounded final. I didn't want to talk about her in this way when I had decided to be her friend.

Puck understood and he fell silent. Taking my hand, he shortly squeezed it and then stood up to get back to work. I was thankful that he didn't press on this matter. Because if he asked more, I wouldn't know what to answer and it'd be the first time I was speechless because of a girl.

And I wouldn't know what to do with this fact.

* * *

><p>It was midnight and the party was full in swing, everybody was halfway wasted by now, either by the tons of beer that they downed like water or by the pot that got passed around.<p>

I was fairly drunk myself and enjoyed the numbing buzz in my head that made me forget everything bad in the world. Diving into the dancing crowd, I shut my brain down and handed myself over to the music. The subwoofers were giving it all they got, the hard bass was wildly pounding and shaking the walls, the deep vibration shot straight to the core through my feet and I closed my eyes at the sensation. I could feel the bass in my heart, messing with my own heart beat.

My trance didn't last long before I felt huge hands grabbing my hips, and someone repeatedly pushing their crotch against my ass from behind. Only boys could dance so disgustingly, I felt like turning around and throwing up on the idiot who had dared to come on to me like that.

Whipping around, I didn't spare the guy a second glance when I kneeled him in the family jewels. Wanting to add a humiliating insult, I let it be, because it was impossible to shout against the loud music and it wasn't like the boy was conscious anymore. Scoffing, I turned to walk away, not feeling like dancing anymore.

As I wormed my way out of the mass of grinding bodies, I saw Puck dirty dancing with the same girl I had seen him with two hours ago. Looked like my words earlier had left an impression despite what he had said. I nodded to him with a knowing smirk when he caught my eyes and he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, mouthing, 'Threesome?'

I laughed and continued my way to the empty couch, the same couch Puck and I had been resting on earlier. But when I got there, someone was already sitting there and I hadn't seen that someone throughout the whole evening.

"Quinn!"

My expression instantly brightening, I let myself plop down next to her and tried to act as sober as I could in my state.

"Hey," she softly replied, but she looked past me. I squinted my eyes to see her better, though it wasn't easy to discern anything at all through my blurry vision and the dark lighting with the occasional disco light dazzling you. But blurred or not, I knew that something was off and I felt myself sobering up a bit. Quinn needed a caring friend right now.

"What's wrong?"

The blonde shook her head and straightened out non-existant wrinkles in her skirt, but I couldn't have that, seeing her sitting here alone with me while everybody else had fun.

"Did someone try to grab you? Or feel you up while dancing? Were you pressured into drinking? Someone forcing you to smoke pot?" I ranted, going through all the things that could have upset her. "Tell me who and I'm gonna kick his sorry ass and I'll keep on kicking until he -"

Quinn let out a short laugh and shook her head, this time smiling when she laid a calming hand on my arm. Staring at her with utter confusion, my intoxicated brain couldn't come up with more reasons why she would be pissed if none of the things I mentioned had happened.

"It's Finn."

I was wrong. That stupid airhead alone equalled a thousand reasons of why parties could suck.

"Did he try to grab you? Or feel you up while dancing? Did he pressure you into drinking or did he force you to smoke pot?" I started again, but was interrupted by a laugh. Again. At least I was cheering her up, it was worth making a fool out of myself. And I could always blame it on the alcohol afterwards.

"You're repeating yourself," Quinn pointed out with a small smile. "No, it's none of the things you've said. It's just, he had too much to drink and he passed out, so Matt called his mother to fetch him."

I tried to say it with as much sympathy as I could when I told her, "Don't worry, he'll probably vomit for an hour and maybe occasionally choke on his puke, but he won't die. He'll be fine tomorrow after swallowing a bottle of Aspirin."

Quinn looked surprised at first, but then her expression twisted and she awkwardly replied, "Oh, right, about that..."

Drunk me was still able to catch on a lot of things. Comprehension dawned on me when I suddenly realized it. A smug smile appeared on my face when I slowly said, "You actually weren't worried about him, were you?"

The blonde tried to look indignant when she halfheartedly retorted, "Of course I am, he's my boyfriend."

"So?" I asked, unimpressed.

"So it's natural to feel worried about his well-being!"

"And are you worried?"

"Yes," Quinn unsurely said, her eyes avoiding my inquiring gaze.

I couldn't help my knowing grin creeping onto my face. "You're doing a bad job convincing me and yourself."

The blonde looked away, maybe innerly scolding herself for not feeling genuinely worried about her boyfriend. But if it was any help, I felt fantastic right now.

"Hey, it's alright to feel embarrassed for him. If the whole school finds out on Monday, I would try to hide my face in a paper bag, too," I soothingly said, but I received a look that clearly stated, 'You're not making it better.'

Not knowing what else to say without appearing as a downright idiot, I chose to lean back against the couch and relax instead. What else other than 'Finn is such a pussy' could I say? I was quite sure that Quinn didn't need to hear that right now, not from me and probably because she was thinking the same.

"Q! What'cha sitting here with the dwarf?" A slurry but familiar voice exclaimed and I didn't bother opening my eyes to confirm my assumption that it was Santana.

"I don't feel like dancing right now," I heard Quinn defensively say, "and don't call her that, she's merely giving me some company so I'm not alone."

Stunned, I fought very hard not to open my eyes and blink at her rapidly. Instead, I pretended not to have heard her.

"But Q, don't you wanna dance with us? It could be like a threesome! And if Ray wants to join, we're gonna be an awesome foursome, just without the sex."

Definitely Brittany. She was being a cute drunk and I couldn't help smiling. Lazily opening my eyes, I softly nudged Quinn in the side and nodded to her friends, "C'mon, have some fun. You can worry about your boyfriend's rep later."

She looked unsure, which made me groggily stand up and offer her a hand. "Will you, Quinn Fabray, honor me with a dance?"

I heard Santana snicker "Disgusting" to Brittany, who genuinely replied, "I think it's cute."

Quinn shook her head laughingly, but she accepted my offer anyway. Cautiously tightening my grip on her soft hand, I pulled her up, maybe with too much force which made her stumble into me.

I blamed my blush on the alcohol. It was only the alcohol heating up my cheeks. Nothing else. Not the proximity of her body or her fruity breath on my face, it was just the alcohol pumping blood into my cheeks. And it was quite warm here.

I caught a wiff of her wonderful flowery perfume and I cleared my throat when I carefully stepped back. Gently guiding her by the hand through the throng of dancing people, we found a less crowded area and Santana and Brittany, who had followed us, went straight to the dirty dancing part.

While I was racking my intoxicated and useless brain on how to dance appropiately with a new friend, Quinn was already swaying to the music and rolling her hips from side to side, in rhythm with the beat.

My throat became strangely dry. My fingers were twitching.

Forgetting all the inner debate about 'platonic dancing', I moved in to her but kept a decent distance, moving my hips in sync with her.

I was no Brittany when it came to dancing, but _club dancing_ was something entirely different. It was an art. It was all about oozing off self-confidence while you maintained perfect control of your body, and being able to transform the music into movements. It wasn't as easy as the hot party girls made it look like; smoothly swaying your hips to the beat, flinging your hair in the right moment, dipping down low when it was appropiate.

Club dancing required body control, sense of rhythm and most importantly, self-confidence. You had to feel comfortable with your body and yourself. Only if you believed in yourself to be sexy enough to dance like that, then you really were sexy enough.

With that ego of mine, I had no problem showing off my skills.

Quinn was lazily gazing at me through half-hooded eyes, daring me to move in closer to her.

No, I had to stay platonic. Had to stay...platonic...

Almost shyly, I placed a tentative hand on her hip, barely touching her in case she didn't want me to.

The blonde just teasingly grinned at me, one corner of her mouth curved up into a smirk. Since when did she become the dominant one? I was supposed to be the master of seduction! The only thing holding me back was my promise not to play with her head and now, she was the one playing with mine.

I didn't know whether it was the bass or my heart that was pounding so wildly.

We were sensually moving together, complementing each other. When she moved right, I moved left and when she dipped down low, I went with her and together, we were rolling our hips in sync while resurfacing again.

The people around us were too drunk to care about us, but if they just looked in our direction, they could feel the heat and tension radiating off us. It was a spectacle, we almost put Santana's and Brittany's performance to shame if it weren't for them to start heavily making out and one-upping us.

So we kept on swaying, grinding, rocking and teasing, putting all our energy into our dancing. And it was worth every drop of sweat forming on our foreheads, worth every sharp intake of stuffy air burning up our lungs, worth every strained muscle in our non-stop moving legs.

Never before had I had such an excellent dance partner who made want to keep on dancing like there was no tomorrow.

Feeling a soft hand on my heated cheeks, I looked up and saw Quinn signalling me with her other hand that she was getting something to drink. I nodded, but I involuntarily let her go and sullenly watched her pushing her way through the crowd, away from the dance floor.

I sighed heavily. Once you took a break from dancing so intensely, it wouldn't be as magical as before, because it took time to get into this kind of trance.

I felt someone dancing behind me again and at first, I thought it was Quinn, but she couldn't be back so fast. My second thought made me narrow my eyes in annoyance, I swore if it was a boy trying his luck...

Whipping around, my eyes widened when I faced the hot rocker girl from school and she was slyly grinning at me, winking. I quickly hid my stunned expression and changed it into a flirty one, immediately going in for the kill. She smirked and turned her back to me, shamelessly grinding into my crotch with her plump ass. Supressing a moan, because it had been too damn long since I'd gotten laid, I roughly grabbed her hip and pulled her closer, if it was even possible.

Now this dance was entirely different from my dance with Quinn. It wasn't sensual or enticing, it wasn't about expressing your sexy self and teasing the audience with semi-naughtiness. This dance was purely sexual, loaded with sexual energy and it was nothing more but elegant dry humping, easily getting mistaken for dirty dancing by the untrained eye.

So what if I didn't know her name. She didn't know mine. And it made everything uncomplicated and fun.

* * *

><p>Songs used:<p>

"Moves like Jagger" - Maroon 5

"My First Kiss" - 3OH!3

"Tonight" - Enrique Iglesias

"Give me everything" - Pitbull ft. Neyo

PS: What Rachel sang to Quinn were random, rhyming sentences; it wasn't an actual song.


	11. Chapter 11

"Blah, aargh, chrm... Ew."

The taste on my tongue was disgusting and my whole mouth felt dry and dirty, I almost expected to cough out fur like cats sometimes did. Opening one lazy eye, I quickly closed it again, blinded by the light. Cautiously, my eyelids fluttered open again and I took in my surroundings before I sighed and decided to go back to sleep.

_Wait._

Eyes snapping open again, I quickly propped myself up on my elbows, finally _seeing _my surroundings. Not that I saw much.

I was lying on a bathroom floor.

I had woken up in strange places before, including roof tops and police stations, but most of the time I had managed to get myself into a bed before I passed out.

And it wasn't like I had drunk so much last night, I actually remembered a lot of things and this meant -

_Oh oh._

What the fuck had happened? I thought everything was fine last night! I had danced a little bit with Quinn, then with the hot rocker girl and then, if I wasn't mistaken, had gotten laid.

So why the hell did I wake up on a bathroom floor when this was clearly not a comfortable place to have sex on?

Looking down on myself, I saw that I was still fully dressed and I groaned at that. Maybe I was mistaken, maybe nothing had happened last night.

Cursing, groaning and hissing at the same time, I groggily pushed myself up until I stood on wobbly legs. Pulling a grimace because I felt like shit, I staggered to the door and opened it, fully expecting to see a hallway with lots of passed out teenagers on the floor.

Not quite.

The bathroom door led to a bedroom. It had to be Puck's room, because every inch of the walls were covered with posters of scantily clad girls in sexy poses and two guitars were hanging on the wall. His shelf was stuffed with porn and I wondered how his mother could be okay with that.

"Mhm," a soft moan tore through the silence.

Nearly having a heart attack, I stumbled back and tripped over my feet, my back crashing against the wall behind me.

_Fuck fuck fuck, shit shit...OUCH._

Supressing the urge to let out a string of curses that would even make a sailor blush, I grimaced as I slowly slid down the wall and landed on my rear, only to find out that this part of my body was hurting as well.

Wincing, I rolled myself to the side to relieve the pain in my butt.

_What the hell have I done last night?_

This had to be a nightmare. There were only three reasons why my ass could hurt like that and I immediately crossed out the first one, alone the thought was grossing me out. I definitely had no anal sex with a guy.

Reaching behind me, I massaged my butt cheeks through my jeans and to my relief, the pain was only on the surface, which meant that only my skin was burning. This meant crossing out option two. I had no muscle ache.

Supressing a groan, I thudded my head against the carpeted floor when I came to the conclusion that only option three was possible.

_This is embarrassing._

I shakily stood up, careful not to make any sound as I now knew that there was someone sleeping in Puck's bed.

_Make that two someones._

My eyes widened at the sight while my inner cocky prick cheered and congratulated myself, patting myself on my shoulder.

Two stark naked figures were sleeping on their sides, facing each other, but there was an empty space between them and it was obvious that this empty space used to be occupied.

This matter by itself wasn't strange or bad, the only thing bothering me was why I didn't wake up between them but in the fucking bathroom next door. The pain in my sore back agreed with me on this question.

Not wanting to keep wearing my dirty shirt any longer, I tore it off and pulled open Puck's drawer to go through his hoodies, picking out a dark red one. Quickly slipping into it, I sneaked out of the room and made sure to close it again, then I hurried down the stairs to find my bro. I was certain that he could help me answering my questions.

I had expected passed out bodies, spilled drinks, empty bottles, cigarette butts and broken furniture all over the floor, but it was strangely clean in the basement. Of course, it still stank like hell and the couch got knocked over and spilled on, but the sight was bearable. You didn't get the familiar dampening feeling, where your heart would sink at the thought of having to clean it all up.

"Huh? Is that my hoodie? Did we hook up last night?" A deep, groggy voice slurred behind me and I turned around, so glad to feel an ounce of normalcy again.

Puck's tired eyes widened in shock when he saw my face and he immediately sobered up.

"Rach? Shit, we didn't -"

"Chill, nothing happened. I'm just borrowing it, if you don't mind," I calmed him down, and his worried expression relaxed. He stifled a yawn and shook his head, "Don't mind, bro. Don't mind you wearing nothing either."

I rolled my eyes and walked past him into the kitchen to get myself something to drink.

Surprisingly, the kitchen was as clean as the basement, all traces of a party were gone.

"Did you clean the place up?" I asked over my shoulder as I poured myself a glass of water.

"Are you kidding? I didn't lift one single finger," Puck laughed, standing directly behind me and he snatched my full glass to down the content himself in one take. Shooting him a playful glare, I huffed and leaned against the counter top to drink from the bottle, which earned me a disapproving look.

"It's an unspoken rule. I give them a place to party and they clean up the shit in return. They keep cleaning it up like dutiful cleaners and I keep throwing these killer parties. That easy," Puck shruggingly explained, then he let out a yawn which he didn't bother covering with his hand. "Don't know 'bout you, but I really wanna get myself some sleep. Feel free to cuddle with me."

I laughed at his cute offer but when I remembered the mess I left behind in his room, my laughter got stuck in my throat. Clearing my throat, I quickly set the water bottle to my lips again to avoid talking, but Puck had already caught on that something was off.

"You alright? Trash can's over there, girl," he said and pointed behind him.

I stiffly nodded and mumbled, "I'm alright."

But Puck sensed my nervousness. "You sure? Don't wanna lie down a bit? It really helps when..."

My blinking eyes sold me out. Puck stopped speaking, his mouth remained open and he grabbed his mohawk with one hand. Then, "Really, bro, really? In _my bed_? You wake her up, I tell you, I'm not doing it!"

Clearing my throat again, I decided not to correct the number of issues he had to deal with, but Puck was too smart for his own good. Or he just knew me too well. But I was his female version, maybe he knew himself good enough to know me so well? This was getting confusing.

He loudly groaned again. "Really, bro, I'd high-five you if this ain't _my _bed we're talking about. I'm not gonna go up there and risk my good looks by getting double-slapped. Been there, done that. Go, I need me some sleep."

"How about we just stay here and you tell me everything that happened last night, while we wait for them to wake up and disappear on their own," I offered with a fake cheery smile and earned myself a disbelieving groan as a response.

"You don't remember?"

Shaking my head, I told him how I woke up on the bathroom floor, not knowing how I got there. Puck was torn between gaping at me and roaring with laughter, so he did both, which resulted in me having to snort with laughter, too.

"Grab a jacket, Rach, time for some coffee and embarrassing memories."

* * *

><p>"I did <em>what<em>?"

Puck doubled over in laughter as he snortingly replied, "That was so awesome. You should have seen everyone's faces."

But I was less than amused at this and I impatiently drummed on the table with my fingers, urging him to go on, to reveal more embarrassing facts about last night. I was surprised of what everything could happen in such a short time.

"I don't know why returned after you scored once, but you started to pull some dirty dance moves on the floor and before I could blink twice to make sure that it was really you, you got yourself another chick glued to your ass. Nice work by the way."

Puck raised his fist for a fist bump but I only stared back at him with a deadpanned expression.

"Come on," he whined, waving slightly with his fist, "Don't let me hanging there. I know that there's this little ass inside of you being totally smug right now, so cave in to the voice of reason."

Mockingly sighing, a cocky smirk tugged at the corners of my lips and I tried real hard keeping a straight face, but every inch of my expression was dripping with pure smugness.

"Ha, see? Now be a good bro and release me, I kinda look like a fool right now."

Pursing my lips, I leaned back in my seat and shrugged my shoulders, "I was a bigger fool last night."

Puck groaned and closed his eyes for a moment, before retorting with a needy voice, "Nah, you were a badass fool last night. You got laid, twice, including one threesome, now can you _please_ just bump the damn fist?"

Deciding to release him from his misery, I leaned forward and fulfilled his wish, all the while chuckling. "Tell me more."

Rubbing his arm with a relieved sigh, Puck pouted slightly before he thoughtfully said, "I think that was all."

Pausing at this, he took the moment to teasingly add, "And to think that you tried selling me the 'quality before quantity'-shit."

Oh no, he didn't go there. Challenging my philosophies while I was mentally super fit, thanks to the coffee, wasn't a good idea.

"Noah."

I didn't say it with malice or a sharp undertone, hell, I said it quite softly. But it was exactly the tender tone that made him flinch and lean away from me, pressing his back against the seat.

"I just wanted to point out that there are some exceptions," I politely said, like I was randomly talking about the weather. "The first time I came back to the basement was because the rocker girl had passed out. And not because of the drinks she had."

Puck visibly gulped.

"I'm not saying that those girls didn't drink much, which they certainly did or we wouldn't be sitting here right now. But what a coincidence that they passed out right after we were finished."

Oh, it felt so good, watching Puck starting to sweat and wiggle in his seat.

"Now the burning question is why I didn't wake up between them."

Shakingly drawing a breath, Puck quickly downed his drink and immediately choked on it, coughing and spluttering dramatically, all the while pounding himself on the chest.

Muttering incoherent words under his breath, I took pity on him and reached over the table to soothingly rub his back, sighing, "Alright there?"

Vehemently nodding, Puck coughed a few more times before his breath steadied again.

"Sorry – but you can't blame me, the thought of you and-"

"Noah."

"Right, sorry again. Listen, I don't know much myself, I mean I was a little bit busy afterwards, too, if you know what I mean." Insert trade mark smirk here. "All I know is that somehow, at some point, Quinn asked me where you were and that's when you vanished. Poof. Gone. Disappeared. But I wasn't too worried, I knew you were out there having fun or something, I just didn't want to soil Quinn's good image of you."

I stopped gnawing on my bottom lip for a moment to sarcastically retort, "Thanks for your concern."

But then I paused, rethinking. "What good image?"

Not giving Puck a chance to reply, another memory struck in my head like lightning and I grimaced, forgetting everything previous.

"When Finn got brought home, did he leave his car here?"

Confused at my steady change of topics, Puck slowly nodded, "Yeah, his mother fetched him with her own car. He'll come and drive it home some other day."

Returning to my bad habit of gnawing on my bottom lip, I closed my eyes and groaned at my stupidness. How could that be possible anyway, doing so much shit in such a short period of time.

_In the words of Santana, Quinn will fucking end me if she finds out._

_If_ she found out.

"Why? What happened? You know something I don't?" Puck asked impatiently, now pushing for more information as he saw my expression twisting into a grimace.

"Did you notice that there was no car parked anywhere near your house?"

* * *

><p>This was starting to become a ritual. I meant me standing on Quinn's porch and nervously waiting for someone to open the door. I wasn't even sure if Quinn would be home at a Saturday afternoon, girls like her normally spent the day shopping or hanging out with friends. Or sleeping off a hangover from the previous night.<p>

The door flew open and I startled at the sudden movement, before I quickly closed my eyes and expected Quinn to go crazy on me.

"Oh, hello dear. Good to see you again, Rachel."

That voice was clearly more mature and belonged to Quinn's mother. Blinking my eyes open, I took in the blonde woman's attire and for someone in her age, she had maintained a good taste in clothing. I cordially smiled at her and greeted her with a genuine tone, "Looking good, Mrs Fabray."

The older woman waved me off with a flattered smile and good-naturedly said, "Please, call me Judy. And I'm already too old to look good."

Displaying an indignant look, I shook my head and muttered to myself like I was offended, which made Judy chuckle in amusement.

"Please, beauty doesn't have an age," I told her in a stern voice, "Besides, where do you think did Quinn inherit her good genes from? So please don't tell me that you're too old to look good, you look fantastic."

I could be very charming if I wanted to and Judy just got a taste of charming Ray that left her at a loss for words.

"Mom? Who's at the door?"

Forgetting all about the blushing woman standing at the door, I stood on my toes to see past her, more or less eager, hoping to catch a glimpse of the other blonde I originally wanted to see. Regaining her ability to speak again, Judy laughed, though her cheeks were still red and she moved to the side to let me in.

"Berry?"

"Quinn, is that a way to greet a friend?" her mother chastised her which I hardly noticed, because Quinn was wearing skin tight jeans and a waist hugging blouse. And when I said skin tight jeans, I meant it literally; she shouldn't have bothered to wear jeans at all because it clung to her like a second skin and left nothing to the imagination. If she could only turn around now and show me her fine a – apple colored blouse. Right, I just wanted to see the blouse from behind. And it was apple colored. A red apple if you wanted to know.

"Erm...hi?" I offered and I cursed myself for looking a fool right now. Quinn had to be thinking the same, but she didn't show it because her mother was still watching our awkward interaction.

"Is there something that you want?" The younger blonde asked, and I watched her putting on a coat and grabbing a handbag from the floor. She was heading to the mall, my intuition was never wrong.

"I just wanted to ask you if you want to go out – I mean, go shopping with me?" I asked, burying my hands into my pockets to avoid nervously fidgeting with them. Where was my cool and charming self when I needed it?

Quinn opened her mouth to answer me, probably about to politely decline, but her mother had different plans.

"Of course she'd love to! Quinnie, now you don't need me helping you pick out your outfits! This is perfect, there's this book I've been wanting to read for ages!"

The younger blonde wanted to protest, but her mother squeezed some dollar bills into her hands, before she pushed the girl into my direction. Grinning at me, Judy whispered, "I took away her credit card after she overdrew it for the third time, now she's got to learn using money wisely by paying with bills."

"Mom!" Quinn whined in embarrassment, "I'm still in the room, you know!"

"Oh, hush, sweetie, off you go! Have a good time!" Judy quickly said and all but pushed us out of hallway, leaving us standing on the porch and staring at each other blankly.

"I'm driving!" Quinn immediately said and marched off to the garage. Trailing behind her, I shot my Range Rover parked down the street a longing look and got into the passenger seat of the Lexus.

"Don't touch anything here. It's my mother's car," Quinn said in a snippy tone when I reached for the radio. Pulling back my hand, I poutingly stared at her and though she was ignoring me while busy pulling her car out of the driveway, I caught her lips twitching, tempted to smile.

"So, when did you leave last night?" I casually asked, wanting to strike up a small talk to distract myself from the urge to jump out of the car and push it from behind, because then we would be going much faster.

"I think around three," she replied, "Finn was supposed to stay sober and give me a ride back home."

Immediately tensing up at the mention of her loser boyfriend, I clenched my fists and innerly insulted him with my wide-ranging vocabulary of indignities.

"But that wasn't the reason why I was peeved."

I paused in my Finn-bashing thoughts, suddenly feeling anxious that she knew more than she let on.

"His mother left me his car keys, so I could drive home with his car whenever I felt like going. But apparently, some idiot thought it would be fun to hot-wire his old car and go for a spin in Lima at night, most likely in a very drunken state," Quinn angrily rambled more to herself than me. She didn't seem to be hinting on talking about me, so I tried my luck and cautiously asked her, "Where's his car now?"

Sighing, the blonde replied, "Few blocks down Puck's house, a homeowner called the police and reported a car parking in his backyard."

Oh. I guess that was the last missing puzzle piece of my memory of last night.

"They found a bottle of whiskey, handcuffs and … a thong in the backseat." Quinn grimaced as she said this, "The police assumes that his car got used for – you know what."

OK, now _that _was the final puzzle piece. Or that was what I hoped.

Fidgeting with my hands, I looked out of the side window without really discerning anything, because then I would have been upset over the fact that an old man riding a bicycle had just overtaken us.

"I actually want to know where you have been the whole time," Quinn suddenly asked me and I quickly tried to hide my guilty expression like I had been caught doing something wrong.

Not giving me a chance to compose a good excuse, she continued to say, "One moment we were dancing, the other you were gone and after that, I haven't seen you anymore."

"Oh," I edgily commented. Quinn frowned, but she kept her eyes on the street.

"I just wanted to ask you if you had seen Finn's car because I saw you coming back from outside after getting a breath of fresh air," the blonde explained, "But you rushed past me as soon as you saw me. Were you hiding from me?"

"No," I quickly said, furiously shaking my head. "I had to go to the bathroom. It was urgent."

Nodding to herself, Quinn steered the car into the parking lot of the mall and smoothly pulled into a parking space.

"Anyway, after you rushed back into the house, there was this very drunk girl sitting in the driveway and she kept whining that she couldn't find her car and that her bottom was hurting. So I offered her a deal 'cause I knew that girl from the Cheerios and I knew that she was just living a few blocks down the street from my place. She let me drive her car and I drove us safely home."

Together we strode to the mall entrance and I was unusually silent. Maybe I was just busy pretending that everything she said was new to me. Either way, Quinn wasn't finished in her rant yet.

"All the way home, she kept saying strange things," the blonde muttered to herself, like it was a mysterious case she wanted to solve. Internally begging her to stop right there, Quinn did the opposite and said with a frown, "She said things like, 'I'm feeling bare down there' which is just gross and 'spankie hardie', which makes no sense at all. And she wouldn't stop shifting in her seat, saying that something was burning up her behind."

_Maybe it's time to change the topic. I have to be charming._

"Hey Quinn, where do we start looking? Maybe in a lingerie shop?"

_THAT'S charming?_

"A lingerie shop?" Quinn turned to me to give me an incredulous look. Well, at least I got her to stop talking about last night. "Why do you think do I need new underwear?

_Because I want to-_

"Quinn, I was kidding. Though I wouldn't mind helping you to try on some sexy under– Ouch!"

Rubbing my arm, I poutingly stuck out my bottom lip and gave her a hurt puppy dog look. Forgetting that she was supposed to be indignant at my innuendo, she mockingly cooed, "Aw, you look almost cute."

_Almost _cute? What was that supposed to mean?

"No lingerie shop then. You're too cold to make Victoria's Secret look hot on you," I said with a finality, mustering up the most serious expression I possessed before striding away to no particular direction. My facade broke into a grin when I heard an indignant gasp behind me, quickly followed by stomping footsteps.

"This is not fair! Even if I prove you wrong, you still win the situation because then you'll get to see me half-naked and that's what you actually wanted in the first place! It's only a win-win for you," Quinn ranted when she had caught up next to me and I let out an amused laugh.

"So you agree with my brilliancy?"

The blonde huffed and pointedly looked away which only made me laugh some more.

"Aww," I mockingly cooed, "you look _almost _cute."

Quinn let out an indignant 'Pah' before she strutted away with her head held high, purposely flinging her golden hair over her shoulder like it was her own version of nicely flipping me off. My grin only widened at the sight and I hurried after her, completely oblivious to the curious and amused stares from passersby.

"Tell me, Quinnie," I teasingly said, when I was walking next to her again, "what do you want to buy to cover up your coldness?"

The blonde grimaced at the mention of her nickname given by her mother, and decided to ignore me. Now that didn't suit me well, I didn't like being ignored when everybody knew that my ego was too big to be overlooked.

"Fine, ignore me, it's okay. I'm hot enough for us both," I shruggingly said.

Finally, Quinn gave me the honor of a scoffing glance before she sardonically said, "Just don't get burned with the massive ego of yours."

Grinning in self-satisfaction because she was talking to me again, I didn't notice that we were already in a shoe shop until a girl, staggering on her five inch killer high heels, lost balance and clung onto me before she fell.

"Oof!"

All the wind knocked out of my lungs, I found myself seeing stars and I panted heavily. Of course, having a fast reaction with the constant urge to play the hero in any situation, I had turned our bodies around amidst falling so that I had been the one breaking the fall and taking most of the damage.

"Rachel!"

Quinn immediately kneed down next to my head and took my cheeks into her hands. So maybe I was dazed, but I was still fully aware of the things happening around me. And I was sure that my panting had just gotten heavier.

"I'm so, so sorry!" a panicked voice squealed next to my ear, that was when I realized that the clumsy girl was stilly lying on top of me and my arm was still looped around her waist. Quickly letting go, I propped myself up on my elbows and felt the other girl rolling off my body.

"Rachel, are you okay?" Quinn's worried voice made me actually feel a lot better than any ice bag could and through my blurry vision, I turned to her and gave her a reassuring smile. "I'm fine."

I slowly stood up and felt a soft hand close around my wrist, carefully guiding me up. My eyesight finally clearing up again, I silently thanked Quinn by gently cupping her cheek with my hand. Her worried eyes softened and she was smiling and I could have stared in those soulful hazel orbs forever, when another voice interrupted our intimate moment, "I'm really sorry! Oh my gosh, this is so embarrassing, but I just lost control and I-"

Reluctantly pulling my hand back and facing away from Quinn, I suppressed a frown when I turned to look at the still profusely apologizing girl, now on her feet again as well. She was actually quite pretty and cute, frantically scanning my face up and down, searching for any hints of repercussion of the fall.

"I'm fine," I said again, this time with more emphasis. Pretty or not, she just ruined a precious moment of mine with Quinn and my hurting back wasn't voting in favor of her.

"Thank you for breaking the fall, though it must have been painful."

The girl wanted to take a step forward, but as soon as I saw her wobble on her feet again since she hadn't taken off her killer high heels, I immediately rushed forward and put two steadying hands on her hips.

"Maybe you should take these off first," I suggested with a weak smile, taking my hands off her hips. I had the strange feeling of being scrutinized right now.

"You're right," the girl laughed at her own silliness and I didn't miss the way she flirtingly grinned at me before she bent down right in front me to take off her shoes, making a show of pointing out her fine backside to me.

Clearing my throat, I awkwardly looked away; not because I was shy or anything, but if I remembered correctly, Quinn was still around and somehow, I didn't want her to ever witness me around potential bed partners.

Catching Quinn's narrowed eyes, I put on a clueless look like I was oblivious to the obvious advances on me and innocently smiled at her, completely ignoring the girl with the fine apple butt. What? Didn't mean I couldn't check her out from the corners of my eyes.

The blonde scoffed at the girl to my feet and walked away, going through the shelves to start looking for shoes for herself. Torn between following her and staying to get another date, I longingly looked after Quinn before I trained my gaze back on the girl in front of me who had straightened herself again.

"It was nice meeting you," I quickly said with a forced smile before I hurried after Quinn, not missing the disappointed look from the other girl.

It was gnawing at me, really, letting such an easy won date go, but then again, I didn't need one more date. I had priorities now, one of them was being a good friend to Quinn and assist her in buying shoes. How difficult could that be?

This shopping trip was actually my chance to prove myself, to show her that I wanted to make our friendship work. That I was serious about this and that I wasn't trying to get into her pants.

_Though I wouldn't mind._

I did not just say that.

_But you thought it._

Catching up with Quinn, I stood next to her and pretended to be looking at some shoes, when I had no idea if they were actually fashionable or just downright hideous.

"Oh, so you decided to grace me with your presence again?" Quinn mockingly said, moving on to the next shelf and I almost tripped over my feet to quickly follow her.

"Why, my princess, I happen to appreciate yours," I cornily said, giving her a lopsided smirk. The blonde allowed herself to display a small smile before she shook it off and replaced it with a frown.

"Then what took you so long to follow me, Berry?" she asked, and moved on, leaving me behind again.

"I was merely admiring your beauty from behind, Princess Fabray," I teasingly called after her and walked up to her in long strides, ignoring the incredulous stares from other customers in the shop.

Quinn indignantly gasped and suddenly stopped dead in her tracks to whip around, which resulted in me running into her, but this time I was smarter. My footing was steady and my body's center of gravity was over my feet, so when I quickly reached for the blonde's waist, I managed to catch her fall without toppling over myself. My back would hate me for a long time if I pulled another stunt like the one few minutes ago.

When I realized that I was holding onto Quinn's waist far longer than necessary since she was steadily standing by herself again, I quickly let my hands fall to my sides.

"You keep on saving the day, don't you?" she suddenly said with twinkling eyes and she softly smiled at me.

_I'm too young to have a heart attack._

Massaging my neck with my hand, I abashedly looked to the ground and shuffled with my feet, mumbling, "I guess."

A melodious laugh made me abruptly jerk my head up again and I almost bit on my tongue when I heard this heartbeat quickening, throat drying and butterflies-in-your-stomach causing sound. This was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard, it was even better than music or passionate moans in ecstasy.

_Can you get any mushier than this?_

Quinn was laughing. Genuinely, happy laughing, not those fake laughs you gave someone you pitied. And it made me beam like an idiot, you could use me as a freaking lantern in the dark right now.

"I definitely enjoyed saving you more," I laughingly said. Seeing a frown reappearing on her face, I quickly added, "Almost killed me back there, that clumsy girl. I'm sure that you're better with high heels than her. And hotter."

Quinn's expression was pleased again, and for better effect, she tossed her hair over her shoulder in a mock-arrogant way and said, "Coach Sylvester made us run a marathon with six inches high platforms, I think I can handle some plain high heels."

Not allowing myself the pleasure of imagining a bunch of Cheerios torturing themselves with those killer shoes, I gave the blonde a reassuring smile and said, "Wouldn't have expected it any other way."

Quinn lightly smiled at that, "Come on, we don't have all day. I need three pairs of shoes."

Gracefully striding away, she left me standing there, rooted to the ground with a pained grimace.

"Three pairs of shoes?"


	12. Chapter 12

Remember what I had said about my badassness points? That I still had lots of them? Taking back my words here.

_Badassness: Level 0_

_Points: -99_

You wonder why? I tell you why.

Dozens of shopping bags dangling from my overloaded arms, two smoothies in each of my hands, Quinn's handbag hung over my wrist, her new bought hat covering my eyes and two shoe boxes stowed under my arms. Not to mention the Hawaiian necklace with paper flowers that decorated my neck.

I tried ducking away from Quinn when had wanted to throw the necklace over me, but the damn hat had been hindering my sight and there were still two cups of smoothies in my hands, so in the end, she got me and made a silly happy dance.

Good to see that at least one of us was getting a blast out of my public humiliation.

So that was how I looked when we left the mall and I couldn't even protest much when she took a picture of me with her phone. Thank God for the smoothies in my hands or I would have tried to strangle her.

_Or just grab her and kiss her_.

Definitely not.

Anyway, Quinn was positively beaming with amusement at my deadpanned expression and I didn't know why I let her keep torturing me.

_Cause this is sweet torture. Almost like drawing out an orgasm._

Shut. Up.

Truth is, she was irresistible. Damn those pretty hazel eyes.

She would innocently bat her thick, long eye lashes and stick out her plump bottom lip and then I would find myself melting at the cute sight. And whatever resolution I had made for myself, like stop her buying every damn thing that looked hot on her (which meant _everything)_ crumbled to nothing when she pulled out that weapon.

Admittedly, I generally didn't have much resistance when it came to her.

All in all, it wasn't such a bad day. I was quite proud of myself that I had been able to entertain Quinn every moment we had been spending together. And that was almost all the time. Except for the times she had gone to the changing rooms where I hadn't been allowed to follow ("Don't even dream about taking a peek").

Yeah, today was actually worth playing a human loading space. Throughout this whole shopping process, I had gained more and more trust with Quinn and she had opened up to me a lot. It was so easy to strike up a conversation with her, whether it was just silly banter or serious discussions about profound topics, there wasn't one moment where we weren't talking.

And even when we stopped playfully bickering, pointlessly arguing and teasingly messing with each other for a change, we shared a comfortable silence. Like with Puck, I felt perfectly at ease with her when we sat together at the food court, silently munching on our sandwiches, sharing playful gazes before blushingly averting them.

"Rachel?" a curious voice called and I dazedly looked up at Quinn who stood by her car with its trunk opened, waiting for me to load the things in there. Heaving the thousand shopping bags into the trunk, I sighed in relief when I felt all the weight dropping off my body. I took off Quinn's hat as well as the Hawaiian necklace with a relieved sigh.

"You know, you could have let me carry half of the bags. It wouldn't have killed me," Quinn said with a grateful smile and she lightly nudged my arm. I returned her smile, but teasingly retorted, "You know, you could have just bought half that stuff."

The blonde mock scoffed and shut the trunk with a loud thud. "You could have been half that stubborn and let me carry my things. I'm not a little girl."

Laughing in amusement, we got into the car and I chuckled, "Right, you're only half as cute as a little girl."

Quinn mock gasped and narrowed her eyes at me.

"You're only half as smart as you think you are," she said, but the mischievious gleam in her eyes betrayed her frowning expression. Putting on a mask of pure indignation, I striked back with, "You're only half as innocent as you make us believe."

"Then you must know you're only half as tall as other people in your age."

"Ouch. You're half as kind as I thought."

"Well, you're twice as annoying as you look like."

"And you're twice as gorgeous up near."

"You're three times as – huh?"

_Oops._

"Um, uuh, erm..." I stuttered with wide eyes, suddenly feeling my blood running cold in panic.

Quinn self-consciously bit on her bottom lip and tentatively, almost shyly, asked me in a small voice, "Do you really think so?"

_What?_

I stared at her. I never expected her to be so...insecure about her looks. Didn't she know that she was the most beautiful girl in town? Her stunning beauty was blinding. What the hell was wrong with her mirror? I definitely had to get her a new one if her reflection gave her a reason to worry about her looks.

"I'm sure you get that a - "

"No, that's just it," Quinn harshly interrupted me, but immediately looked sorry. "Rachel, I'm-"

"Nah, it's fine. But the people who tell you otherwise should be sorry when I kick their asses tomorrow...tell me, who said you're not beautiful?" I growled and I bet I had a murderous look on my face right now.

The blonde laid a soothing hand on my arm and my expression immediately softened. She gave me a small, grateful smile as she meekly said, "It's not about no one complimenting my looks. It's they way they do it. They call me hot. Sexy. Occasionally pretty. But that's the thing, I feel like a sex object, like I'm only appreciated because of my looks. No one ever told me something more meaningful, you're actually the first one to tell me I'm … gorgeous. And it means a lot to me."

As much as this confession was lifting me up, it was tearing me apart as well. I could have never imagined how much this was bothering Quinn, leaving her insecure about her inner self. I always believed her to be self-confident, so ambitious and proud of her various talents.

And I felt ashamed. Deeply so. Because I was – I am – one of those superficial people who judged others by their looks to define their character. And I admittedly thought Quinn was only hot, too, before I got to discover the fascinating, frustrating and all the same wonderful character of hers. It made her only more beautiful, her attractive personality was pulling me in like a water vortex and I just couldn't find the strength to swim against it. I didn't want to swim against it.

"Quinn...I don't know what to say," I honestly whispered with a big lump in my throat, nervously gazing into her wide and vulnerable eyes which made talking even harder for me. "I could start rambling and tell you every single reason why you are amazing, but that would take too long and I have a feeling that this is an overused cliché in this situation."

The blonde breathed out a shaky laugh as I continued, completely serious, "No, I mean it. Everyone else would try to make up a list about your inner beauty and all. And believe me, it would be easier for me to go through a list and tick off every reason why you are so stunning."

Quinn's eye lids fluttered and she stared at me like she wanted to say, 'You really think so?'. And it killed me, to have her insecure like this. She was so afraid that my words weren't meant genuinely that she didn't even dare to feel flattered or pleased. All she could think of was questioning the sincerity behind it, not seeing the whole picture of what I was trying to say.

"Quinn, I don't want to just shower you with compliments," I gently said, almost in an apologizing tone, "because I think you deserve more than that. You deserve more than just hearing things that repeat themselves. That's why I don't know what to say, I really don't. And I'm sorry for not having the right words to express your whole beauty."

Quinn's breath hitched and her eyes became misty and I immediately felt my heart drop, thinking that I had said something wrong. Damn, I knew it. I must have sounded like an idiot, telling her that I didn't know how to describe her beauty and now she thought that this was only a lame excuse.

"Please, don't be mad at me, but I'm really not eloquent enough to describe the awesomeness that is you," I quickly said, feeling panic tugging at my heart strings when Quinn's eyes started to glisten with tears, "I - I, erm - I just don't want to ruin it with my simple vocabulary, you know, I don't know many expressive words that would do justice to your perfection - don't - don't cry, please, I'm really sorry!"

The blonde shook her head, at first slowly then faster and faster, a teary smile on her face as she started laughing and sobbing at the same time. It made me feel helpless and confused, I wanted to do _something_ so she would stop crying because it made my heart clench painfully, but I didn't want to interrupt her obvious struggling with herself. She was having a little breakdown and knowing Quinn, she would want to sort it out by herself.

I felt so useless. The girl I originally wanted to cheer up was in tears and though she occasionally laughed from time to time between her sobs, I doubted that she was having a good time.

It took a lot of talent to screw up so horribly, let alone in situations where it was close to impossible to screw up. Like, if you didn't know what to get someone for Christmas, then giving money would be a safe bet because there was nothing you could do wrong with giving money. The recipients wouldn't burst out in tears. Things like that normally didn't happen and seemed like only I was capable of reducing girls to tears by complimenting them.

Great. I simply felt outstanding. I congratulated myself for achieving something no one would ever want to achieve.

I had made many girls cry before, but the reasons were at least reasonable and to be honest, I would've cried, too, if I had a conscience. Now I felt like having one because I felt like shit. And feeling like shit, because someone was sobbing next to you, had to mean that you had developed a conscience.

"Let's switch seats, okay?" I gently asked after a while, seeing that she had calmed down a bit. "It's better if you're not driving in this state."

After she obliged my suggestion and we switched sides, I pulled the car out of the parking space and drove us out of the parking lot, on the way to her home.

Nervously glancing at her every other second, I watched her slowly composing herself and it was fascinating. She carefully wiped away her tears with her palm and drew a long, deep breath and only seconds later, a calm expression settled on her face. Innerly sighing in relief, my grip on the steering wheel loosened and my other hand was massaging my forehead, willing for my racing thoughts to slow down.

"I'm sorry," Quinn shakily breathed next to me.

Scrunching up my eyebrows in complete confusion, I waited until the road was going straight again and I gave her a puzzled look. "For what? I should be the one apologizing if I made you cry."

The blonde weakly smiled and shortly shook her head.

"No, it's just...never mind, I'm a train wreck right now. You must think I'm crazy or labile."

Quinn tried to shrug it off with a self-ironic laugh. But if my deep frown was any indication, I wasn't happy with that answer at all and I grabbed one of her hands with my right one while my left one was still gripping the steering wheel.

"I've never met a stronger person than you." I sternly said, giving her soft hand a light squeeze, "And believe me, I've seen real train wrecks and you're far from being one."

It was silent in the car, the only sound accompanying us was the engine softly purring. I still felt uneasy and guilty, what I had said about Quinn must have affected her a lot or she wouldn't be remaining silent since I was driving her car with far more speed than allowed.

"Where are you going?" the blonde suddenly piped up and I smiled that she had noticed our change of route. Realizing that her hand was still in mine, now firmly holding it, I gulped but didn't point it out to her.

"Emotional stuff is exhausting. And I don't want your mom to see you like this or she would skin me alive. That's why I'm taking you to Breadstix, refill some energy, 'cause you must be starving with all the shopping you did. The dinner's my treat." I casually explained, just in time to drive into the parking lot of Breadstix. I already felt a protest coming up, so I gently squeezed her hand again, "You have no choice. If I have to, I'll tie you up and feed you and I won't free you until I've paid the bill."

Quinn laughed, now fully cheered up again and all traces of a small mental breakdown were gone. It made me want to shout 'Yeah!' in relief because I finally got her to smile again. Without sobbing at the same time. Damn, it was such a freeing feeling.

"Admit it, you just like the idea of me getting tied up." she teasingly said, before she reluctantly pulled her hand from mine and got out of the car, leaving me sitting in her Lexus alone.

My face considerably paled and my hands were twitching. Not to mention the furious pounding of my heart, completely agreeing with Quinn's statement.

Stumbling out of the car, I leaned against it and took deep, long breaths to calm myself down and to push aside the inappropiate thoughts that my mind kept conjuring. Horny Ray was having a blast.

_Help_, I innerly prayed, before I swallowed and entered Breadstix.

* * *

><p>Only one week in Lima and so much had happened. Maybe it was only me imagining all these things but if I remembered correctly, I had done all the following things: I got appointed to the co-trainer of Sue's Cheerios, discovered a bromance with Puck and became friends with McKinley High's own Queen Bee.<p>

Life in Lima turned out to be better than I had ever imagined. I kind of thought it was going to be totally lame here, I almost expected to see horse-drawn carriages on the streets – okay, maybe that was exaggerated.

But things were looking up. After a crazy first week, I slowly developed a comfortable pattern for the next few weeks.

Now, whenever I thought of staying in Lima till the beginning of summer break next year, I didn't get that heart-sinking feeling anymore. And the memories of me constantly ranting about how I hated to leave New York were quite distant to me now. It felt like it had been a long time ago.

But it didn't mean that I didn't miss my friends.

I knew I prided myself on a lot of things and one of them was having the ability to resist attachment to any kind of romantical relationships. But what I lacked in commitment and loyality in the romance department, I made up for it in the friendship section.

I wouldn't let anyone important to me get hurt, that got to me more than if I were the target of offenses because I knew how to defend myself. I knew how to make the offenders regret their decision to have ever messed with me, I knew how to make them cry without even touching them.

I really missed my friends in New York. Sure, I had Puck as a bro now and Quinn as the rational friend, who was trying to make a better person out of me – emphasis on _trying –_ but real friends that you knew for years couldn't be replaced that easily. And I didn't want them to be ever replaced, they were the only ones who were there for me when I had gone through a hard time few years ago.

Being without my three best friends was a strange, new experience, now that I was most of the time alone in Shelby's house after school. I was used to them always popping out of nowhere, pushing a coffee into my hands with a cheery greeting and immediately start updating me on plans they've randomly come up with. Usually very bad ideas that either made us end up guiltily gazing through steel bars or wake up on a hijacked yacht that slowly floated down the Hudson River with no one steering it.

Good memories, though.

With them always around back in New York, I was rarely alone. Actually, they were almost living with me. I always joked that they were only using me to hang out at my luxury apartment on the 27th floor with a wonderful panorama over Manhatten, but I knew that they were doing the complete opposite of it. They were being there for me all the time, so I wouldn't feel lonely and they tried to compensate for the lack of presence from my fathers' side.

I hadn't seen them for ages now. I had stopped keeping tracks about their whereabouts a long time ago, I had settled for the place 'Somewhere On Earth' instead.

A sudden feeling of melancholy settled in my heart and I already knew where this was heading.

_Don't. You're strong enough to fight back these thoughts._

I wasn't.

I wished I _wanted_ to see my fathers, but I didn't. And I knew I was supposed to feel bad about not wanting to see them, but I didn't. Did that make me a terrible person? Because I didn't miss my parents like a normal child would?

I used to. I used to feel the sensation of missing someone you loved, I used to know what it felt like to impatiently sit in the living room, glancing up at the clock every two seconds and nervously wait for someone to burst through the door. It was just that, after many miserable years of waiting, wondering and worrying, with no one ever turning up, the feeling of anxious anticipation soon faded into indifference and left you completely empty.

The process of waiting turned into the process of accepting the fact that no one would ever burst through that damn door, throw their coat over the clothes rack and start to rant about the horrible day they had.

I wished I could blame this on the world. Blame it on my fathers, blame it on Shelby, blame it on the greasy hot dog seller down the street. But I couldn't, not because they weren't to blame – because it _was _all their fault – but it wouldn't change the situation.

Nothing would change. You could complain and whine as much as you wanted, but not a single, damn thing would be different afterwards, so why not save the complaining and whining part and get straight to the 'I don't care anymore' part?

I wished I could declare with all honesty and sincerity that I didn't care anymore. It would make things so much easier, but since when had life been easy on you? Just when you thought that nothing could go wrong anymore, a little bastard called fate would sneak behind your back and kick your ass with so much force that you'd find yourself lying on your face, wondering if you would ever get a moment of peace.

Now and then, I surrendered to my bittersweet 'what if' moments. This was one of them.

What if Shelby had kept me after my birth and managed to be a decent mother? Would I be calling her 'mom' in my mind instead?

What if my fathers' company never got the first big business contract few years ago, which led to the second contract, which led to the third and the next few thousands. Would I be even thinking these thoughts?

At this point, I usually stopped myself. There were too many 'what if's' with too many possibilites and once started, there was no end to it because one 'what if' led to another, all open questions with no clear answers.

Pointless monologues like these always ended up nowhere and were a distraction from reality, only pushing the inevitable moment, where you had no choice but to face the truth, farther away.

I really, _really_ wished I had been this smart from the beginning.

I sighed.

Quinn thought she was an emotional trainwreck? If she could only read my mind.


	13. Chapter 13

"What do you mean with 'it's up to me now'?" I groaned in disbelief and pressed my cellphone closer to my ear.

"_Rach, you got this. You're my bro, you can do anything,_" a hoarse, scratchy voice croaked out at the other end of the phone, clearly weakened.

"But...but, I'm no good with this emotional shit, we'll only end up strangling each other."

"_Please._"

Oh my. He was dead serious if he pulled out the pleading card so soon.

Sighing to myself, I slowly said, "Just tell me where I can find her."

"_Thanks, Rach. You're the best._" Puck's voice sounded feeble and rough, I really wanted to go to his place instead and watch over him.

"Yeah, yeah, I know." I dismissively said, but I bet he could hear the smile through my voice, "Now an address please, so I can go directly to you afterwards."

"_You haven't left the school grounds, have you?_"

"Uh, no?"

"_Good, cause she'll be in the auditorium, sitting in the middle of the last row."_

Ending the phone call with a genuine 'Get well soon', I shoved my cellphone into the front pocket of my leather jacket and headed back to the school building, grumbling and muttering under my breath the whole time.

Of course, out of all the days that Puck could've gotten ill, it had to be today. Today_, _where he was supposed to be the one consoling Santana because as he had already predicted it, she had gone all Lima Bitch and freaked out when Brittany had suggested them to become official.

I didn't know about it until just a few minutes ago, where I had gotten a phone call from Puck, telling me to play the caring and listening friend for Santana because he got fever and couldn't do the job. When he had missed today, I simply thought that he had been skipping school, which wasn't an unusual occurrence.

So he called me after Quinn had called him. Now I got the joy of attempting to soothe a mentally unstable Santana and I really didn't look forward to that. Dread was spreading through my body as I approached the auditorium, nearer and nearer.

Slowly, almost cautiously, I opened the doors and carefully peered to the right, to see if Santana was really sitting in the middle of the last row.

It was sadly true. The usually fiery, always sneering and insulting Latina, sat all by herself with her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms hugging them, a blank look on her face.

Nervously fidgeting with my hands, I slowly walked to her and sat down next to her. Like Santana, I wordlessly stared ahead and gazed at the stage where I had seen a few members of Glee perform for the first time. Where I had met Kurt, Artie, Tina and Mercedes and promised them to join Glee, with the resolution to turn this school around with its fucked up system. I managed to fulfil one promise, the other one – let's say, I was halfway there.

I had a well-known reputation in McKinley now, an envied one at that. Maybe it was because the football players kept coming to me to get advice on pleasing girls (Puck might or might not have let it slip that I was a pro at this) or maybe it was because Puck and I always performed song mash-ups during lunch break every Friday and had gathered a quite large fan base.

It could've been a lot of things, maybe even because of Karofsky, because he had stopped throwing slushies into people's faces. He even told his fellow jocks to stop. Ever since that backfired slushie attack, slushies were only used as thirst quenchers now and some students were really grateful for that.

But what set me apart from the Cheerios or Titans was that I never had the need to perpetually put other students down to fortify my own status. I listened to everyone when they wanted to talk to me because everybody was worth knowing unless proven otherwise.

Or I would've never gotten to know the wonderful members of the Glee Club and without Glee, I would've never had the chance to sing a song to Quinn, which made her forgive me for being an ass, which again was the start of an awesome friendship. Even if it was sweet self-torture most of the time.

Yeah, so I definitely did good. But things weren't good enough yet.

Most of the students still didn't fully approve of the Glee Club and though Puck and I went down well with the majority of McKinley High's student body, it was only us. Kurt and Mercedes had vehemently refused to perform with us because they feared getting disapproving yells from the crowd. Artie and Tina had been too horrified of my suggestion to say anything.

And that bothered me. It made me feel bad and guilty for receiving such a positive feedback when the others couldn't have a slice of that cake. And it made me angry because they thought they weren't good enough, because they were afraid of bad responses. When has cowardice ever gotten you far?

A light sound made me snap out of my thoughts and I quickly glanced at Santana, thinking that something was wrong. But she had just shifted her seating position before she returned to blankly staring at the stage.

I didn't know for how long we had just been sitting there. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours, I wasn't sure. But I felt perfectly content with just sitting there in complete silence. I actually let a lot of thoughts cross my mind and instead of pushing them away, I held on to them and took my time to reflect. Unpleasant, as well as precious memories, flitted in and out of my mind and I didn't block them, reliving them instead.

Maybe it was the dim light of the stage that made me feel so calm. Maybe it was the atmosphere in this roomy auditorium, giving me space to think. Or maybe it was Santana, who was silently brooding as much as me, if not more.

But then I felt a vibration in my jacket pocket and after a quick glance at my phone, I knew it was getting late because Shelby had written me a message, asking where I was and if I could make it to dinner. I quickly replied, my fingers dancing across the smooth touch screen, stating that I would be home late because I had important stuff to deal with.

"Don't think that I'll tell you anything."

Almost dropping my phone, my head abruptly turned to Santana and I watched her pretty features contorting. Pocketing my phone, I didn't reply to her sudden statement after sitting with her for hours in silence, and I stared at the stage again.

"I mean it. I won't spill a damn thing."

I turned my head to face her again, with curiosity and a questioning look, but no verbal reaction. Santana's frown deepened.

"I know that Puck made you do this," she said, avoiding my inquiring gaze. "I don't need your comfort and shit. But I gotta admit that it's creeping me out that you've stayed here for so long."

Like her, I stared ahead, at nothing particular. Then I let out a neutral hum, which made Santana face me again with a frown that deepened more and more.

"Would you stop doing that?" she asked with annoyance now, but I simply hummed back in a questioning tone, "Hm?"

"Just fucking answer me, Berry. It's freaking me out."

But I didn't give her that satisfaction, instead, I gave her a look of disinterest before my eyes darted to the stage again. I heard her growling in frustration, which made me want to smirk smugly.

"Fine. But just know that if you start talking, I'll ignore you."

With that, we continued to sit together in silence, alone in the auditorium, alone in the dim lights. I was surprised that no one had discovered us yet, did this school have no such thing as a janitor?

Feeling bored now and incapable of brooding in silence any more, I stood up, and out of the corner of my eyes I saw Santana quickly turning her head to me and she almost looked like she didn't want me to leave. Innerly smirking, I made my way through the rows of seats, towards the stage.

There was a black piano on it, and its clean surface mirrored the lights above it, giving the instrument a shining glow.

I sat down on the piano bench and pressed some keys, first randomly without a melody, then I brought up my left hand and stroke a sequence of chords. Getting into the rhythm, my right hand played along to the chords and improvised a harmonious melody.

"_Mhhmm_" I hummed along to the music, trying to find the right tune. I had already found the right chords, repeating them again and again, now I only needed the melody.

"_We found love in a hopeless place__,_" a raspy voice suddenly sang behind me and a soft smile graced my features. I didn't know I had been subconsciously playing the chords for 'We Found Love' and I wondered why my fingers chose to play these chords.

"_We found love in a hopeless place__,_" I joined in Santana's voice, closing my eyes. I didn't know why people had to close their eyes whenever they tried to put emotions into a song. They just did it and I was no exception.

Together we sang our own acoustic version of 'We Found Love' that went much slower and allowed more emotions.

This song kind of fit Santana's situation, it had a deeper meaning for her. She found Brittany in Lima; out of all the hopeless places, she found her in the most hopeless one. Then why did I sing along?

Singing with Santana was a refreshing experience, I was only used to singing with Puck; but the Santana's voice was simply awesome. But she didn't need to know that.

Hitting the last few keys, I let the notes ring out and fade.

"She loves this stage."

Standing up, I turned around and saw Santana hugging herself while she looked to the ground. She seemed to be talking more to herself than to me but I didn't stop her. She was finally speaking up without me urging her to.

"Whenever we rehearse for Glee in the auditorium, she just can't stop dancing." the Latina lowly said, then chuckled to herself, "She's sometimes so lost in her own world that she falls off the stage."

Shaking her head at no one particular, I intensely watched her constant change of expressions as she continued, "She had me so worried that one time she tripped off the stage and got a bloody knee."

Santana frowned, before she smiled again, making me scrunch up my eyebrows in confusion. "And when I tried to help her, she brushed me off and jumped right back onto the stage to continue dancing."

Did this count as a mental breakdown? What was that? I felt helpless and useless, stiffly standing there by the piano while Santana stood in the middle of the stage, talking to herself. I wanted to release her from her misery, but I didn't know how.

"How do you do that?" she suddenly asked me, a wondering expression on her face.

"Do what?" was my confused answer and I took a few steps towards her.

"The way you don't care about what others think about you. How do you do that?" Santana repeated more urgently, like I wasn't willing to tell her a secret that she needed to know.

Taken aback, I subconsciously shoved my hands into my jeans pockets and squared my shoulders. Gnawing on my bottom lip, I stared past Santana at the curtains and contemplated on what to tell her. I just wanted to make her understand that others' opinions of her didn't matter as long as she didn't let them matter.

"It's no secret that you're gay," Santana stated when I didn't immediately reply, "it's no secret that you sleep around. You don't care about hanging out with losers, you don't care if you've just messed with a jock and you just do what you feel like doing. Yet you're still as popular as me, how do you do that?"

"There's no instruction for these kind of things," I commented after a pause, but it was everything but a satisfying answer for Santana, whose cheeks reddened in anger.

"You're not a Cheerio, you're not a jock, you're actually nothing, yet you still have the same status as me!" she exclaimed and her eyes got teary, which made me stumble a few steps back in shock, seeing her doing a 180 degrees turn in mood change.

"It's just not fair, you're being popular by being yourself! But me, I'm the slutty cheerleader, I'm Satan, I'm the evil backstabber with no heart and soul. I'm only wanted because everyone thinks I'm so easy to get, that I easily put out."

"No," I weakly whispered, I wanted her to stop. Stop torturing herself, stop torturing me, but now that she had started talking, she couldn't stop getting rid of all the thoughts and feelings she had been hiding for so long, buried deep inside of her.

"It's the truth," Santana spat, "I'm not popular because they like me. They don't vote for me because they believe in me. They don't let me copy their homework because they want to help me. They're fucking afraid of me, that's fucking why!"

"Santana, don't." I feebly said, feeling utterly miserable and helpless. My feet were rooted to the ground, I couldn't bring myself to take the last few steps towards Santana and give her a comforting hug.

"You know you're much more than that," I tried again, feeling my voice getting hoarse when I saw Santana starting to sob. It stirred panic inside of me, seeing her lose control like that.

"That's just it, I know I'm worth shit," she cried through her sobs and to my horror, she fell down on her knees and hid her face in her hands, muffling her next words, "I don't deserve her."

That was the last straw.

"No!" I fiercely said, loud and clear, feeling something inside of me heat up with anger and disappointment until it burned like fire in the pit of my stomach. "No."

Santana looked up to me with red-rimmed eyes and trembling lips, and this sight of the former fiery girl, who used to be all Lima Heights, tugged at my heart strings.

I knew what she was trying to do. I knew it all too well and it happened all too often. And I hated it, I hated the way that nobody seemed to understand that this was never the right way to deal with their emotions.

"Stop here, right now," I hissed, "I've heard enough. If you keep on ranting about how pitiful your life is, then you really don't deserve Brittany."

Santana flinched at my harsh tone and actually stopped sobbing, too taken aback by my words. I was supposed to soothe her, to convince her otherwise and maybe tell her all the reasons why she was a good person. But that was just not my style; building up her ego on friable ground would destroy her more than finally facing the truth and starting anew by zero.

I was only trying to save her from falling again.

"Before you whine about how nobody understands you, just stay silent and listen, cause I do, I do understand you," I gravely said. "But if you think protecting Brittany means pushing her away and making her feel like shit, then I'm afraid I don't understand your way of doing it 'Lima Heights'."

Taking a deep breath, I felt my voice growing louder and harsher as I continued, "In this relationship, you're the stupid fool who always has to ruin it just before it gets good. And Brittany is the poor girl who always forgives your dumb ass. So yeah, your doubts about deserving her are quite justified."

Opening and closing her mouth in shock, Santana stared at me with wide, vulnerable eyes, completely dazed. Unfazed, I responded with a hard expression, when I was innerly feeling guilty and remorseful for those stinging words. But there was no other way to wake her up from her self-pity trip or to open her eyes to a bigger picture than just herself.

It was the only way. People like her would keep on knocking themselves down until they couldn't stand up anymore. Until they _wouldn't _stand up anymore.

"I appreciate the way you want Brittany to have the best, but do you even know what's best for her? Have you ever asked yourself what _she _actually wants?" I lowly asked and paced towards the still kneeing Santana until I stood in front of her, looking down on her with a blank expression. A dumbfounded expression was the only reaction to my rhetorical question.

It truly was a heart-wrenching sight and this fact made me even angrier. So was this all an act? Her pretending to be tough, strong and fiery? So why couldn't she be all these things for Brittany whom she claimed to love?

"Now that you've mentioned it, you're right. I don't know what she sees in you."

It had never hurt so much to bring someone down like that and seeing Santana's eyes tearing up was not a sight I had thought I'd ever see or wanted to witness. But this was the only method that worked and got a rise out of Santana. If I had tried to comfort her, she would've shot down every attempt of reassuring her just to make it harder for herself.

I didn't know why, but people tended to shoot themselves down whenever someone tried to build them up. It was just another useless trait to humans, talking bad of themselves in hope that others would convince them otherwise with long, reassuring speeches.

Only that these speeches never came.

"Stop wallowing in self-pity. This is reality, no one's gonna run to you and blow up your ego until it's the same size as it was before," I grimly said, looking away from her because these words hurt me as much as it did to her. "Truth is, no one cares if you feel like shit or not, as long as it doesn't concern them. That's why it's so much more important to cling on to your real friends instead of pushing them away, because they do care."

Looking at Santana again, I bent down and grabbed both of her hands to drag her up again. I didn't let go of her since she was still standing on wobbly feet, but my face remained calm and impenetrable.

"Brittany cares. Quinn cares, as much as Puck does. And to some extent, even I do." I heard my voice becoming softer and maybe it was because of the lost look on Santana's face that I knew I had riled her up enough. She didn't need more buckets of ice cold water thrown into her face.

"I know that there's a button somewhere inside your brain that stops your self-destruction," I whispered with a lopsided smile and got a weak one in return. "Come on, push it. It's not too late."

She shook her head with an empty smile, stepping away from me.

"What if...what if she's better off without me? I've sworn to myself to never let her get hurt, but turned out that I'm the one hurting her the most. Why don't I just keep my distance and let her be?" Santana said with a rough voice, this was the first time she spoke up since I had started shooting her down.

"I thought we were done with this," I calmly said, actually disappointed that she was still insecure after all the points I had been trying to get across.

"If you do that...then you're not the Santana Fucking Lopez I know."

Pulling out my last ace out of my sleeve, I turned on my heels and walked away from her, jumped off the stage and made my way to the doors.

"No, wait!" Santana desperately called behind me and I allowed her to catch up with me by slowing down.

"Tell me what I've gotta do?" she whispered next to me and together, we strode out of the auditorium, towards the school main entrance.

"I'll sacrifice my Sunday for you and teach you some things, but first," I observed the locked doors, "find us a way to get the hell out of here."


	14. Chapter 14

"I think I'm gonna throw up," Santana breathed, looking nauseous enough for me to believe her, so I took a step away from her and laid a soothing hand on her shoulder.

"If you really need to, then don't do it here, but over there," I said, pointing with a thumb over my shoulder to point to the streets. "Quinn won't appreciate this kind of welcome gift on her porch."

An unamused glare was my only response and I shrugged my shoulders. "Do you want Brittany back or not? She's just in there, probably in Quinn's room."

Santana looked up uneasily like she was expecting for Brittany to suddenly jump out of Quinn's window.

"Come on, you're Santana Fucking Lopez," I said with an eye roll, "don't chicken out now."

"I'm not – I'm...it's just that, it's for real this time, right?"

The last few words were whispered with a hopeful and scared tone and I didn't have the heart to tease Santana anymore. Smiling encouragingly at her, I said, "Just tell her the truth. Make it official. Say the magic word and don't ruin it again, then yes, it's gonna be for real and forever this time."

I innerly cringed at these words. Gosh, Lima was making such a sap out of me.

"Good." Santana nodded, then paused. "What magic word? 'Please'?"

"Oh no, don't make me say it." I shook my head and raised my hand to finally ring the bell.

But Santana panicked at this, feebly ranting, "Shit, shit, shit...no, no, no...what's the magic word? Please, I needs to know!"

Chuckling at her desperation, I reassured her, "Chill, I meant 'love' as the magic word."

"What, so I just say 'love' and all is well?"

I wanted to face-palm. Why was it that love not only made people blind, but stupid, too?

"Listen, 'cause I'm only gonna say it once," I said, raising my forefinger and Santana eagerly nodded, "After Brittany has forgiven you, you give her the most serious and loving expression you can muster up, okay? Like this."

And I set my features into a genuine, adoring expression, looking at Santana like she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Keeping my expression, I added, "And then you say..." For dramatic effect, I paused and turned my head to the front door to declare as genuinely as I could, "I love you."

Only that I wasn't facing the door anymore, but none other than Quinn Fabray.

_Kill me. Now._

"Awkward," Santana drawled behind me and I was too flabbergasted to react at all, opening and closing my mouth like a gold fish, staring at the blonde in front of me. Quinn's usually pale cheeks were burning a flaming red and her eyes were as round as saucers, gazing at me with utter surprise and – something else I couldn't decipher.

"I...I..-I was only..." I stuttered, cursing myself for making a bigger fool out of myself, "I, you know, I was only-"

"Declaring your undying love for Q."

"Exactly. Wait, what? No, no!" Turning to Santana, I gave her a murderous glare, but she was having too much fun to feel bothered by it, judging the way she doubled over with laughter.

Facing Quinn again, I looked at her pleadingly, hoping that she would get the misunderstanding. But the blonde wasn't looking my way, she was staring at the doormat.

"Q? Who's at the door?" a light voice called behind Quinn and I saw Santana stiffen next to me, retreating one step. Growling, I reached for her hand and gripped it tightly. It wasn't supposed to be comforting or soothing, I just didn't want her to run away after all the long work of persuading her to come here.

"Quinn, can we please come in? I think Santana has something to say to Brittany," I softly asked and the blonde looked up at me again, her cheeks were still bright red, but her expression was more collected, more calm now. After a quick glance at my hand that was holding on to Santana, her hazel eyes shortly narrowed, but she stepped aside anyway, letting us in.

"Where's B?" I asked Quinn and she turned her head to the living room, curtly answering, "Watching movies."

Turning to Santana, I let go of her hand and pushed her towards the direction of the living room, lowly saying, "You got this. You can do this. Think of the good times that await you. You could touch and kiss her whenever you want to without worrying over people watching you."

Santana drew a long breath, slowly nodding and I added, "You're Santana Fucking Lopez, now get the girl you wants or I'mma go all Lima Heights on your sissy ass."

With one last vigorous head nod, Santana strutted to the living room with determination written all over her face and left me standing in the hallway with Quinn. Giving her a lopsided smile, I asked, "How about we go to your room to give them some privacy?"

The blonde weakly returned my smile and went upstairs, making me follow her with a frown. Was it something that I did? Oh yeah. I just told her 'I love you' by accident, I think everyone would react slightly awkward after that.

Closing the door behind me, I let my eyes wander around the now familiar room of Quinn. Sighing, I slid down the door until I sat on my bottom.

"Hey, Quinn, I'm really sorry about the misunderstanding," I said and watched Quinn picking up her clothes from the floor. She waved me off with a half-grin, "I normally expect people to say 'hello' when I open the door, but it was a nice change."

I felt heat creeping up my neck and I laughed uneasily, "Well, I was teaching Santana on how to say 'I love you' with as much emotion as possible. Not my fault when you chose that moment to open the door."

The blonde paused in her movements, before she threw her dirty clothes into a laundry basket.

"I have to admit, it was very convincing," Quinn lowly said and started sorting her things on her desk. She was constantly moving around while I was lazily sitting on the ground, blocking the door. It felt like she was trying to keep herself busy to avoid looking at me.

"I can be if I want to," I mumbled, rubbing my eyes because I felt tired.

I had been with Santana all day, trying to teach her how to be honest and genuine about her feelings for Brittany. I usually spent my Sundays differently, but in the end, the knowledge that it was for a good cause kept me from strangling her. We spent all day constantly bickering and yelling, she had threatened me at least five times to go 'all Lima Heights on my skinny ass' and I was sure that I had pulled out a fair amount of hair in frustration.

But, as I said, only the result counted and Santana was downstairs in the living room with Brittany right now. But I was sure that I would go all ape shit on her if she screwed this up and left Quinn's house as single and miserable as before.

"So, you practice this a lot?"

Startled, I looked up to Quinn who had paused in her movements to give me scrutinizing glance. "Does it come in handy often?"

Frowning, I asked in confusion, "What do you mean? I'm not standing in front of my mirror everyday, practicing on how to say 'I love you' as credible as possible."

The blonde slowly moved again, turning her head away as she mumbled, barely audible, "I thought...oh, I didn't know what I was thinking."

My frown got deeper and I pushed myself off the floor, standing up and straightening myself.

"Did you – do you mean by 'practice' that I frequently say 'I love you' to girls? To fool them into dating me?" I asked her with an incredulous undertone, which Quinn didn't notice or chose to ignore. Her back turned to me, she lowly replied, "Well, to me, it sounded quite professionally trained."

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I closed my eyes and sighed. I didn't know what Quinn wanted or where this was leading us to. I thought she was okay with my 'no-commitment' ways, we had a long discussion over this where I had managed to convince her that I was doing this with no strings attached. I thought that she had gotten over the fact that I was the complete opposite of her, that the topic sex was quite common to me.

"Quinn," I softly said and reached out to her, grabbing her by the hand and gently pulled her to me. "I swear I'm not hurting anybody in the process. Not anymore."

The blonde frowned and avoided my gaze, but I couldn't have that. Putting both of my hands on each side of her cheeks, I lifted the corners of her mouth with my thumbs so that she looked like smiling.

"See how cute you look," I cooed with exaggerated enthusiasm and squeezed her cheeks, "Uhh, smiley Quinnie, c'mon, I know you wanna smile."

Though Quinn pretended to pout with her bottom lip stuck out, I felt her face muscles twitching and I playfully pinched her cheeks. "Smiiiile for me, Quinnie, please, smile. For me." I whined in a baby voice and watched the blonde trying to fight back a smile.

"You know you wanna do it," I sing-songed and poked her in her cheeks, "Just give in to me. Me, Rachel Berry, the awesomest girl ever. The baddest of them all, who doesn't care about the false use of the superlative. Yep, just smile for charming Ray."

Making a super duper fool out of myself? Positive.

But, it made the blonde crack a smile. And that was where badass Ray gave a damn about the loss of coolness or whatever, because Quinn was smiling in amusement and her eyes were sparkling with such intensity that left me almost breathless.

"You're unbelievable," she laughed, shaking her head. I grinned at her and cockily pointed to my face, "You can't say no to this face."

Quinn shook her head again and playfully hit my chest, making me gasp in mock indignation. Giggling, she lightly slapped me on the shoulder again and I pretended to growl, "One more time and you'll regret it."

And as expected, a sneaky finger poked into my ribs and made me exclaim, "That's it!" and before Quinn could run off like a scared rabbit, I grabbed her around the waist and easily lifted her on my shoulder. I was surprised at how light she was, I hardly felt her weight on my shoulder. But maybe that was because I was too focused on ogling that super fine ass that was presented to my face.

"Ahh, let me down, let me down!" Quinn squealed in between fits of laughter and she lightly slapped my back, "Stop, stop!"

Unable to contain my own laughter, I panted inbetween giggles, "Just because you repeat everything, it doesn't mean it's got more effect."

To tease her some more, I turned on my spot a couple times which made her scream in a high-pitched voice, her legs furiously kicking in the air. The noise of her shouting mixed with my loud laughter filled the whole room and I wondered for a second if Brittany and Santana could hear all this.

"I said you'd regret it!" I laughed and finally let her down, but Quinn thought otherwise. Not letting go of me, she pulled me down with her and together, we fell down on the floor with a loud thud.

"Oof -"

"Oh go-"

"I'm so sor-"

"Do-"

Groaning in pain, I closed my eyes and willed all the imaginary circling stars to disappear as I rubbed the back of my head. I was too much in ache to notice the warm body draped over me and I kept taking long, drawn out breaths to refrain myself from bursting out and letting go a string of curses.

"Rachel, I'm so sorry, I just wanted to – I didn't know that – Argh!" a panicked voice rambled above me and I felt soft hands cautiously touching my face, examining me for repercussions.

_I need to stop falling on my back._

"Open your eyes, I need to – I need to see if you're okay," Quinn frantically whispered, but I groaned out a weak, "I'm fine."

I really didn't want to open my eyes in case they got teary by the pain and that was something I didn't want Quinn to see.

"Rachel."

Against my will, my eyes flew open at the soft tone and my breath hitched at the sight.

Quinn's face was not even two inches away from mine, she was so close that I could feel her warm breath on me and her worried eyes were piercing through mine. I felt naked under her intense gaze. I felt like baring out my soul to her.

"Hey." I gave her a sappy smile and whispered, "It's okay. As long as you're not hurt."

Something indecipherable flickered in her hazel eyes and with another blink of her eyes, it was gone. Her body shifted and that was when I realized that she was still lying on top of me, keeping me warm like a comfortable blanket. This realization quickened my heartbeat and I internally begged my heart to stop beating or Quinn would feel it wildly pounding against my ribcage.

"How do you do that?" the blonde suddenly whispered, gently stroking a few strands of my hair out of my face and I felt breathless for a moment. Couldn't she feel my heart trying to jump out of my ribcage? She was doing this on purpose, giving me a heart attack to get back at me for messing with her.

"Do what?" I breathed and stared at her like a stunned reindeer, not daring to blink, not daring to look anywhere else than into her soulful brown eyes. Quinn's lips trembled for a moment, then she smiled and lowly replied, "This. You're in pain, yet all you care about is my well-being."

I felt heat creeping up my neck and something big settle in my throat, hindering me from talking. I simply gave her a lopsided smile, hoping that it was answer enough. For now. I had so many things to tell her, I could have listed up thousands of reasons why I cared more about her than about myself.

Quinn smiled back, a look of pure contentment settled on her face and she lowered her head until her chin rested on my chest, looking up at me with sparkling eyes. My heart forgot to pound for a second before it madly sprang back to life and I was so glad that she wasn't lying with her ear on my chest.

Hesitantly lifting one arm, I looped it around her waist and my other free hand automatically followed, slowly and softly rubbing her back in circular motions. I felt more than heard Quinn purring contently, I watched her eye lids blinking a few times before they surrendered to the pleasant ministrations of my hand and fluttered shut.

"You have a bad influence on me." I muttered as my fingers ghosted across her back, sometimes massaging, sometimes stroking and it felt like playing the piano with as much emotion as possible. It wasn't about simply pressing the keys and hoping to have played the right note, this was about the _way _you played it. You had to feel it, pour emotions into it and get the dynamic right.

Quinn hummed questioningly without opening her eyes, a pleased smile on her face. I focused on playing my piano piece right, touching her with the right amount of pressure in the right places, either lazily rubbing circles on her lower back or lightly drumming with my fingers on her shoulder blades.

Giving a massage was kind of an art. There was a difference between a massage that felt good while it lasted and a massage that left you wanting for more, feeling the tingling sensations even for hours after it.

"You know," I began slowly, halting in my ministrations on her back which made her growl in disagreement, "You bring out a side in me I've never known I possessed."

Rubbing her back again, I watched Quinn blink a few times before her eyes were fully opened, obviously fighting back the amazing feeling on her back that made her sleepy. She just looked at me with a questioning expression, apparently urging me to go on in my explanation.

"You just...you make feel different."

I felt stupid for not having the right words to really express what I wanted to say.

_What_ _did you want to say?_

The blonde gave me a genuine smile and tenderly grazed my cheek with her forefinger, slowly tracing down my jawline and I fought hard not to whimper. I wanted to shout, 'This isn't a platonic thing to do with a friend, especially if you're lying on top of said friend', but I couldn't. I enjoyed it far too much, too much to bring myself to tell her to stop.

Did you know that feeling? Knowing that something wasn't supposed to be this way, wasn't right this way, but you couldn't stop it because it made you feel too damn good?

"I like every side of you, some more, some less," Quinn softly whispered, "but I especially like the new sides of you, like-"

"Mushy, sappy, corny and cheesy? Oh, and don't forget soft. You made a big softie out of me," I commented with a grin, playfully tapping on her nose and she wrinkled her nose.

"They're all the same," Quinn pointed out, smiling, "And I meant your gentle side. The compassionate you. The sensitive you. A loyal, honest and reliable friend."

I sheepishly smiled, "As I said, a big softie."

The blonde made a disagreeing noise and shifted her head, now lying on my chest with one cheek pressed against my collar bone. Oh my.

_Is this what friends normally do?_

"Say what you want, but I like the big softie inside of you," Quinn mumbled and I felt the vibration of her words against my chest. Humming, I stopped massaging her back and hugged her with both of my arms instead.

"Do you have a floor heating system?" I curiously asked when I realized that the carpeted floor was strangely warm. Or maybe it was because of the stunning blonde on top of me.

I felt Quinn nodding and her moving hair tickled me, reminding me that everything of this was real.

Quinn lying on top of me. With both of my arms looped around her waist. And her head resting on my chest, beneath my chin. And she was playing with the hem of my shirt.

Somehow, I had the feeling that this was stretching the boundaries of a friendship a bit.

"Do you hear that?" Quinn suddenly piped up and lifted her beautiful head off my chest, looking around with a suspicious frown. Questioningly staring at her, she put a finger to her lips to signal me to stay silent. But I was too distracted by the soft, pink lips anyway to say anything at all.

"What the -" the blonde on top of me mumbled and she slowly propped herself up, which made me let out a disagreeing grunt. "Shh!"

Innerly whining and sulking, I let her roll off my body and it felt so cold without her draped over me. Like Quinn, I stood up as well, then I let myself fall down on her bed with a pout, which earned me another "Shh!" at the creaking noise it made.

Quinn had her ear pressed against the door like she was eavesdropping, a confused look on her pretty features as she cowered by the door and tried to make out the noise apparently only she could hear.

"Quinn?"

A sudden look of horror crossed her face and she pushed herself off the door like she was afraid to get burned by it.

"I can't believe it!" she exclaimed in pure disbelief, pacing around the room while I lazily gazed at her with my head leaned against the headboard of her bed.

"What, that the door can whisper secrets to you?" I jokingly said, but my smirk quickly died on my lips when I saw the venomous glare thrown at me.

"Santana and Brittany are – you know, doing it," Quinn hissed with flushing cheeks, "In the living room! In my house! What if mom comes home any second? Oh my God, this will be so terrible..."

Bursting out in laughter, I accidentally hit my head against the headboard, but I couldn't stop laughing, so I was yelling something like, "Freaking – ouch – awesome, too good, ouch, this shit hurts...damn, Santana is the man."

But Quinn was less amused, she had her arms crossed and a deadpanned look plastered on her face.

"Haha," she dryly said, "Really hilarious, I'm laughing my ass off, really."

"If it's any help, I'm having a blast right now," I breathlessly chuckled and wiped away a few tears. "Quinn, you gotta see it on the bright side. They've got it worked out now."

"But do they have to do it in my living room?" Quinn whined and glared at the door, like it was all its fault. Still chuckling, I said, "It's your own fault. If you didn't have such an excellent hearing, you would've never known."

A growl in my direction was answer enough. Shrugging, I simply said, "To their defense, I'm not hearing anything."

Just in that moment, one of the girls chose to let out a very loud and very obscene moan that rivaled the practiced moan of a porn star. It was closely followed by a louder one and easily distinguishable as 'oh San'.

"Sounds like they're having fun," I commented and bit on my bottom lip when moans turned into screams. "Maybe they'll let me join in the next round."

Quinn slowly turned her head to face me and gave me a fake, sweet smile. "Yes, you should definitely go down."

Completely dumbfounded, I almost choked on my words when I quickly asked, "Really?"

She nodded, still with that creepy smile. "Yes. Because you'll be the one who tells them to leave. Now."

"No!" I exclaimed, furiously shaking my head. "I'm too badass to die like this. Just...let them finish and they'll leave by themselves."

With a very sly smirk, Quinn slowly walked up to me and crawled onto the bed, moving in to me until our faces were just inches apart. With her arms propped on each side of my face, her body hovering above mine and her breath on my face, I felt all the blood in my head rushing south.

_This is not a good moment to feel turned on now._

"You," she breathed and I couldn't help but get lost in her eyes, "will," I shuddered at her low, sexy voice, "do," my heart skipped a beat, "it."

Game over.

I was so totally, irrevocably and undeniably a goner.

And I couldn't find the strength to do something against it.


	15. Chapter 15

**Soooo, for all the ones who wished for a Faberry kiss...please don't smash your screen or you'll miss out lots of Faberrittana fluffiness ;P  
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* * *

><p>"Tell me again why I agreed to this," I lowly hissed to Quinn and attempted to retreat a few steps, but the blonde grabbed me by my arm and yanked me forwards again. She pointedly glanced at Brittany who was happily bouncing up and down, loudly cheering on Santana as the Latina tried her best at a high striker.<p>

Yep, we were at a carnival. On a double date.

Wait, don't get me wrong, Quinn and I were only going as friends because her freaking boyfriend preferred playing Call of Duty with Matt on a Saturday instead of going on a proper date with her.

As Quinn didn't want to be the third wheel, she politely asked (forced) me to accompany her. She actually didn't want to go the carnival at all, but Brittany wanted her to go with them and refusing the bubbly blonde was just not an option. Because first, denying her anything was difficult by itself and second, you just didn't want to mess with a Santana in love. It was fucking. Scary.

So, I found myself with the Unholy Trinity at a carnival somewhere in Ohio. I had fallen asleep on the ride here and when I had woken up in Quinn's lap, the question of where we were seemed to be irrelevant.

"Yay, yay, yay!" Brittany squealed and jumped up and down, waving with her imaginary pom-poms as Santana almost managed to hit the best mark. "One more time!"

The Latina was panting heavily as she lifted up the hammer once more, preparing herself.

"Watch your pink fingernails," I snickered and got a light hit on my arm by Quinn.

Together, we both watched in awe how Santana let out a furious roar and actually hit the bell, making it ring like crazy.

"And that's...how we do it Lima Heights," Santana panted as she accepted her price, immediately turning around and opening her arms for Brittany to let herself being engulfed into a bone-crashing hug. Both were doing a happy dance and giggling all the time, making everyone around them 'aw' at them. I gagged at them.

"So disgustingly cute," I mumbled and looked around for more entertaining booths.

"They're so happy," Quinn whispered next to me, still watching the new, lovey dovey couple with a lopsided smile.

"San, I want cotton candy," Brittany giggled, snuggling into her girlfriend, "I want to ask the saleslady where they keep their unicorns hidden."

"Sure," Santana shortly replied, her cheeks glowing with happiness. She was positively beaming and to be honest, she looked so much more beautiful when she was smiling and I couldn't imagine her as the tough Lima-Heights-Bitch at this moment.

"We wants to get our cotton candy on, bitches, see ya later."

Forget what I said. She was still a bitch.

Quinn and I watched them skipping away, giggling and laughing all the way.

"I start to regret my dumb decision to help Santana getting Brittany back," I muttered, "She was much more bearable as her moody self."

"Come on," Quinn laughed and linked arms with me as we started walking with no particular goal in mind, passing dozens of booths and other attractions.

Carnivals had never been my thing. Sure, they were a good place for a first date, but this whole 'Everything is alright in the world as long as we got cotton candy'-athmosphere made me gag. The whole point of hosting a carnival was offering you the perfect opportunity to blow money on booths and games you'd never win. And on overpriced rides.

"Oh, look, a ferris wheel!" Quinn pointed out with a finger and my eyes followed her direction. She seemed quite excited about it, but all I could see was the freaking long waiting line in front of it. I wasn't in the mood for waiting an hour for a five to ten minutes ride.

"A ferris wheel," I breathed with no enthusiasm.

"Please?" Quinn stuck out her bottom lip and practically pleaded me to give in. Guess who won.

"Okay," I sighed and rummaged in my jeans pocket, pulling out some bills, "Here, you go buy the tickets and I'll have a nice chat with that man over there." I discreetly pointed to the dude standing beneath the ferris wheel, collecting the tickets before he let people enter.

Quinn gave me a suspicious look. "Why?"

Innocently smiling, I pushed the money into her hands and said with a grin, "Trust me, I won't do anything illegal."

Reluctantly leaving me, the blonde walked away with occasional glances over her shoulder, eyeing me with suspicion. I just grinned at her, giving her a thumbs-up as I waited for her to be out of sight.

Strutting to the employee, I politely nodded to him and asked him a few questions about his job. Some compliments here, some agreeing hums there and after I had discreetly slipped him a twenty into his jeans pocket, he knowingly grinned at me with a wink.

Smiling with self-satisfaction, I waved Quinn over to me and saw her approaching me with a wary expression.

"Quinn, this is Dan, he prefers being called Big D," I said, "He's so nice to let us skip the line 'cause he knows that I get headaches from waiting too long. See ya." Nodding to Dan, I grabbed Quinn by the hand and led her into a booth as the Ferris wheel made a stop.

"Unbelievable," Quinn chuckled and shook her head, "Did you bribe him?"

"Me?" I gasped with mock indignation, pointing to myself, "Never."

The Ferris wheel began to move and we slowly left the ground, rising higher and higher. Pleased with myself, I leaned back and watched the panorama of the carnival. To be honest, it wasn't that much of a magnificent sight if you were used to seeing Manhatten from above.

"It's beautiful." Quinn softly said and I turned my head to watch her pretty features instead. They were so much more interesting than any panorama could ever be.

"You should see the skyline of New York," I said, suddenly thinking of how awesome it would be if Quinn visited New York with me. I could show her all the fine places and not those attractions that those cheap guidebooks recommended, but the real New Yorker stuff. The best hot dog booths, the calmest places in Central Park, the highest roof tops to watch the sunset from. Though the last one was illegal and Quinn might disapprove.

"It must be even more beautiful," she said with a dreamy grin and I bit my tongue from saying out loud that nothing could ever be as beautiful as her.

"Come with me," I suddenly whispered, feeling a sudden rush of excitement spreading through my whole body as I saw visions of us in New York. Her and I, standing on Times Square in the night, getting dazzled by all the lights. The mere thought of it excited me so much that I could barely breathe.

"I'm sorry?"

"To New York. With me. Together. I promise you, it will be so much fun, I can show you all the -"

A melodious laugh interrupted me in my rambling and I dazedly watched Quinn shaking her head, giving me a bright a smile. She leaned forward and took my hands, intertwining our fingers, then she looked at me with twinkling eyes. I immediately calmed down.

"You're so cute when you're excited about something," she giggled and I gasped in indignation. Badass Ray wasn't cute and she didn't get excited about things.

"Mhm, they'll probably not let you on the plane anyway, you know, bulky luggage..." I pouted and Quinn playfully scoffed at my jab at her, so I tightened my grip on her hands.

"Rachel," she sighed and I almost shuddered at this, "I feel...flattered that you want to take me to New York. But things aren't as easy as that."

My expression fell and I had to look like a lost puppy right now. "Why not? I have to visit New York next year around Spring Break anyway, my friends made me promise this. And I can offer you a place to stay, you don't have to pay for anything. I've got an apartment and I'll just call Jerry, our butler, and he'll see to everything."

But Quinn just gave me a melancholy smile and shook her head again. "I'll just be a burden to you and your family."

I quickly looked away so she wouldn't see the dark expression that had settled on my face.

After being friends with Quinn for months, I had managed to withhold some vital information about my family situation. Or the lack of. Truth was, I was already living like a single adult, alone in an apartment. For the last few years, the closest contact I had come to with my fathers were their pictures on the cover of a Forbes magazine.

"Hey," I heard Quinn whisper, "let's talk about this some other time, okay? We're touching the ground again."

Jumping out of the booth, we both waved at Dan, before we walked off with our arms linked.

Carnivals weren't actually that bad. You just had to take the right person with you.

"I wonder where the two lovebirds are," Quinn mumbled and right in this moment, we heard furious yelling errupt from somewhere in front of us.

Quickening our pace, we strode to the source of the shouting and as we somehow already expected, we saw Santana bickering with a five-year old over a – stuffed unicorn.

"I saw it first!" the little girl whined and pulled the stuffed toy to her body, but Santana was grabbing the other end of the animal and pulled it into her own direction. "I was _born _first, you little -"

"San!" Brittany exclaimed in a chastising tone, not wanting her girlfriend to curse in front of a five year old.

"Aren't you supposed to be nice to small children?" the young girl huffed and tugged at the front legs of the unicorn toy.

"Aren't you supposed to respect older people?" Santana mocked back in a squeaky baby voice and tightened her grip on the hind legs.

"You're not even 18!" the little kid complained and tried to shake the unicorn out of the Latina's grasp.

Brittany was torn between stopping her girlfriend from doing something dramatic and wanting to grab the unicorn by herself and simply run away. Quinn and I just shared an amused look before we continued to watch the entertaining scene in front of us.

"So what? I still have more life experience than you!" Santana growled and finally managed to haul the stuffed unicorn to herself, hugging it with a fierce look in her eyes as she sneered down at the little kid. "I'm just teaching you a lesson about disappointment, kid, something you can't get rid of whenever you look into the mirror."

The lips of the little girl trembled and she looked like she was about to cry and I couldn't handle kids crying, they made me feel responsible even if it wasn't my fault. I quickly walked to the small girl and kneed down in front of her, pulling out some money bills and shoving it into her tiny hands.

"Here," I kindly said, "Go buy a bigger and fluffier unicorn."

Kids were crazy. I admired the fact that they could change their mood so fast, one second they were about to cry, the other they were squealing with happiness. The little girl bounced away, but she suddenly stopped and returned, throwing herself at me to give me a hug.

"Thank you," she happily mumbled and skipped away once more, leaving me still kneeing there with a dumbstruck expression.

"Berry, stop stretching this sappy moment, I can smell Q's wet panties over all the cotton candy."

Santana's sniding voice broke my dumbfounded state, making me stand up and I brushed the dirt off my knees, scoffing at the Latina.

"Says the girl who fought with a five year old over a stuffed unicorn," I said, but didn't add more because Brittany was hugging that thing like her life depended on it.

I walked to Quinn's side again and nudged her when she had this dazed, faraway look, staring at the spot where I had been kneeing on when I had talked to the small kid.

"Quinn?"

"Don't bother," Santana snickered, looping an arm around her contently humming girlfriend, "Q's probably having wild fantasies about producing lots of Berry babies."

Snapping out of her trance, Quinn scoffed at Santana and linked her arm with mine again, dragging me with her when she walked off.

"You're right, I prefer the old Santana," the blonde muttered, shooting a glare over her shoulder when Santana whistled behind us, making kissy faces at us. Letting out a low chuckle, I hummingly agreed with Quinn.

"Fighting over a stuffed unicorn...come on, how old is she, really," she continued to grumble and I didn't know whether she did it subconsciously or intentional, but she snuggled deeper into my side as she kept mumbling, "Like a stuffed animal is such a big deal, I mean – OOOH LOOK, A LION CUB!"

I felt like a dog being mercilessly dragged forward as Quinn nearly ripped my arm off when she skipped to another booth, a shooting gallery. The star prize was a stuffed lion cub and you had to shoot moving ducks to win it. I hope Santana was smart enough to cover Brittany's eyes when they passed here.

"Really, Quinn?" I warily said, "After what you've just said about Santana and Brittany and their unicorn baby?"

"It's a lion cub, Rachel," Quinn pointedly said like it was the obvious answer that explained it all, "It's like, way cuter than any unicorn can ever be. And it looks so fluffy!"

I loudly sighed. I somehow had the feeling that I was going to lose a lot of money trying to win this damn toy.

* * *

><p>And I was so right. After my fifth failed attempt to shoot all the ducks – because there was always <em>one freaking <em>duck remaining – I felt frustration and annoyance gnawing at my ego. And the sight of the greasy booth owner who kept leering at Quinn and gloatfully snickering at me whenever I missed a duck was only triggering my urge to aim the gun at his head instead.

"Quinn," I said with a fake sweet tone, "could you please do me a favor and go buy me a caramel apple? I feel like having one after I've won this game."

Pulling out some bills out of my jeans pockets, I shoved them into her hands and made shooing motions, "Thank you so much, see you in a bit."

The blonde simply stood there with a half-amused, half-suspicious look and slowly grinned at me, tilting her head questioningly. Oh boy, she was doing this on purpose. She knew exactly what I was about to do. Shaking her head with a laugh, she actually walked away and went to search for the next candy booth.

Slowly turning around, I faced the booth owner again, this time giving him a devilish smirk.

Let's hope that his shooting gallery was insured.

* * *

><p>So, after Quinn and I had met up Brittany and Santana again, we were on our way back to Lima and Santana was driving. Brittany, of course, sat on the passenger seat and the other blonde sat in the backseat next to me. Well, not directly next to me, there was a stuffed lion cub between us and I swear it almost looked smug at the attention it was receiving from Quinn. I was quite jealous of that stupid little toy because it kept getting hugged and touched and stroked and what did I get? I almost got reported to the police.<p>

Turned out that the booth owner didn't find it as much amusing as me when a part of his booth had caught fire (accidentally, of course); the flames had singed his toupee and when he had tried to put out the small fire on top of his head, he had burned his hand because I had refused to give him my soft drink to extinguish the fire. I mean, I still wanted to drink it.

After a few minutes of playing the unlucky, innocent girl who just happened to stand next to the burning shooting gallery, the police believed me more than the sleazy looking booth owner who stank after burned flesh.

I had given him a taste of his own medicine when I had flashed him a bright, gloatful sneer and taken the stuffed lion cub, right under his nose. He hadn't been able to do anything about it because the police had been interrogating him, assuming that he had lit his booth on his own, trying to get money from his insurance company.

"Duckie and Leo should totally date and make awesome lion-corn babies. Or uni-lions. Unicorn-lions?" Brittany mused.

"Duckie? And Leo?" Quinn warily asked and Santana shot her a warning look through the rearview mirror. She was so protective of Brittany in every way, it wasn't even cute anymore. Well, maybe it was. But only a bit.

"Duckie. Our unicorn child," the bubbly blonde said like it was obvious, pointing to herself and Santana who grimaced at the prospect of being a parent to a stuffed unicorn, "And Leo, Q's and Rach's baby."

Quinn and I shared an amused look, not wanting to question Brittany's motives behind the names.

"Britts, why is our unicorn child called 'Duckie'?" Santana hesitantly asked, probably too curious to restrain herself.

"Because unicorns and ducks are similar," her girlfriend cheerily replied, not able to see the incredulous looks that Quinn and I were giving her from behind. "They both can fly. They don't talk very much. And they have super powers. Did you know that the feathers of a duck can't get wet because they have this magical spell on them that keeps water away? Totally awesome."

We all just chuckled in response, enjoying the fluffiness that was Brittany.

"Speaking of getting wet, how are Q's panties doing? Still flooded?" Santana saucily sneered, glancing at the rearview mirror again just to see a not-amused-expression from the blonde in the backseat.

_Please let's not talk about Quinn's panties, I have some serious X-rated thoughts._

_About taking them off?_

_Shut up._

"Really, Santana? That's all you got?" Quinn dryly replied.

"Of course not, but I thought it would be more considerate than the question if you and Berry have gotten your mack on in the Haunted House," Santana neutrally explained and immediately received a reaction out of Quinn. And out of me.

_Scratch that. XXX-rated now._

The blonde's cheeks were reddening as she indignantly hissed, "Could you be less obscene?"

The Latina snickered and easily retorted, "Could you be less in denial? Girl, I can even _smell_ your desire to pinch some berries -"

"Santana!" Quinn yelled in exasperation.

"I like berries," Brittany commented in a chipper tone.

" - and drink some berry juice -"

"Stop right there!"

"Oh, juice, I like juice."

" - and finally get your lemon pressed."

Silence.

"I don't get it," I awkwardly said. I really didn't.

Silence.

"You're right," Santana suddenly said, confusing me even more. "Q's not just a lemon, she's a fucking honeydew melon and someone needs to -"

"I like honeydew melons," Brittany interrupted her girlfriend, "Once you cracked the hard shell, it's all soft and yummy inside, really sweet with lots of juice. Tastes like rainbow and unicorns."

My eyes widening, I simply stared at the blonde while Santana did the same, but with a fond and loving look instead.

"Britts, your smart side is such a turn on," the Latina huskily said, barely glancing at the road while she kept shooting her girlfriend sexy eyes which made Quinn warningly hiss, "Santana!"

I was beyond confused. I was Finn-confused. Yeah, that bad.

Glancing between the Unholy Trinity, I couldn't gather much from their expressions. Santana was still sneering, Brittany was still beaming and Quinn was, well, hiding her face in her hands.

"I still don't get it."

"I figured, with that berry-sized brain of yours," Santana sneered and I only rolled my eyes at this. Her jokes were getting lame. Not that they ever had been witty.

"Well, my berry-sized brain is wondering how you manage to steer the steering wheel without your gigantic fake boobs getting in the way," I retorted, crossing my arms.

"Oh, bitch, you don't wanna go there," Santana threateningly hissed, glaring at me through the rearview window. I stuck out my tongue at her, "Please, what you gonna do? Slap the shit out of me with your knockers?"

The Latina growled but kept her gaze on the curvy road, speaking under her breath, "Just wait till I stop at the next gas station."

"Sanny, it's really not necessary to pump up your tits some more. I like them the way they are," I snickered, then broke out in full laughter when I saw Quinn trying to stifle her own laughter, her cheeks reddening and her whole body silently shaking.

"San, I agree with Rach. If your boobies get any bigger, they're gonna smother me the next time we make love," Brittany commented with a frown, observing the Latina's breast with scrutiny.

Torn between doubling over in laughter and pulling disgusted grimaces, Quinn shot me a mixed expression, but I was busy furiously coughing, trying to get rid of inappropiate images that certainly had no right to be in my mind. I felt like invading the privacy of Santana and Brittany.

"Damn, Santana, your twins are gonna be the death of me," I spluttered, massaging my chest. "Now I know why you look so pissed all the time. I would be, too, if I had to carry around two tons of silicone in my bra."

"That's it," the Latina yelled, "I'mma make berry pulp outta your skinny ass."

"Stop thinking about my ass," I mockingly reprimanded her, "It's like you've got some sick obsession with it."

"I like your ass," Brittany happily commented, getting me to reply with a grin, "Thanks, I like yours, too."

"First," Santana growled, "Britts' ass is mine. And second, Berry's ass is like totally screaming for a burning red hand-print that's got Fabray's name all over it."

I was about to shoot back a snide remark when the damn words just wouldn't leave my mouth, getting stuck halfway in my throat.

_I actually can't disagree._

"Santana, don't you ever get tired from making up lame insults?" Quinn sighed while facing me and doing an eye roll at which I had to nod in agreement. But my mind was somewhere else, somewhere far, far away.

"Nope," Santana said with a smirk, "I actually could ask you the same, don't _you _ever get tired from ignoring your sexual frustration? I'm suffocating on the smell of your arousal everytime Berry's -"

"SANTANA!" Quinn shouted in horror, kicking hard against Santana's seat to make her stop talking. Her furious yell startled me, breaking me out of my trance and I quickly dismissed my dirty thoughts, intending to pay more attention to the argument between them

"What the fuck, Quinnocence? I'm driving here!" Santana angrily exclaimed after the harsh kick against her seat.

"No, you're being insufferable right now, that's what you're doing!" Quinn bit back, crossing her arms.

"Oh, sorry for pointing out the truth, Ms In-Denial," the Latina in the front sarcastically retorted.

_Ms In-Denial? Is there something that I missed?_

Brittany was fairly oblivious to the bickering between her girlfriend and Quinn, she kept on bobbing her head to the music only she could hear, happily humming to herself. I felt like doing the same, but I couldn't drown their voices, so I closed my eyes instead and leaned my head against the window. I kept listening to the semi-fight.

"Would you stop that please? I've got a boyfriend in case you haven't noticed."

_I tend to blend him out, too._

"Your point?"

"You know what I mean!"

"Funny how people always say that when they don't know it themselves. Tell me, what am I supposed to know?"

_Santana: 1, Quinn: 0._

"That – that I, you know, don't swi- that I'm not -"

"Sliding down the rainbow onto the back of a unicorn?"

_I don't know what that means but it sounds pretty cool. Santana: 2, Quinn: 0._

"Oh my gosh, you can't be serious. I like Finn."

_Gag. Barf. Santana: 2, Quinn: -1._

"Really, Quinnie? Is Finnie Winnie Pooh all you've ever wanted?"

_Ha, Santana: 3_

"Don't call him that! And yes, he's a very...decent guy."

_Lame. Quinn: -2_

"Ha, now you're exaggerating it. Just admit it, he's like that freaking Pooh bear. He's just as slow as him. Forgetful. He'd run around without pants if his mother didn't always remind him to wear some. Oh, and he'd rather shove his pinhead into a honeypot than between a girl's legs."

_Santana: 10_

Yeah, I gave her some bonus points. I wasn't really impartial, I know.

"Santana, you're so crude, it's unbelievable." A sigh.

"And you love me for it."

"Oh, believe me, what I'm feeling right now is anything but love."

"True. You already love that dwa-"

"Look, San, there's a Kentucky!" Brittany suddenly squealed. Startled, my eyes shot open and I saw the bubbly blonde eagerly pointing to a big KFC sign in bright, bold letters on a billboard.

Needless to say that we all made a stop at the fast food restaurant where Santana once again fought with a little child over the last KFC balloon. (Brittany loved the red color of the balloon.)

Redundant to mention that she won and made the kid cry.

Unneccassary to bring up my attempt to buy a little toy for Quinn that only came with the damn kids' menu I just didn't want.

Unimportant to talk about how we've gotten thrown out after I had tried to steal the damn toy.

But I had actually managed to get the small Wonder Woman action figure, so in the end, everything was fine. Though Quinn disapproved of my dubious way of getting it for her, she couldn't stop the happy smile from spreading across her face when I proudly showed her the toy. I had to admit, it was slightly nerdy but hey, no witnesses. Except for Santana and Brittany who kept snickering and giggling, respectively.

So with our stomach stuffed full of greasy fast food, we were in the car again, this time with Brittany driving because she was the only one Santana trusted to handle her Audi.

With the bubbly blonde at the wheel, the athmosphere was lighter and more humorous because she kept happily singing to the radio, "_My heart's a stereo, it beats for you so listen close._" Insert sappy Brittany and Santana moment here.

"_I'm sexy and I know it._"

It was so hilarious, seeing Brittany rock out to the music all the while she was steering the car with ease, barely glancing at the road. It made Quinn nervously stroke her stuffed lion cub and I was so jealous of that stupid toy, I wanted to throw it out of the window. I regretted that I had gotten it for her in the first place. But she had wanted it so badly, I just had to get it for her. Damn that cute pout.

After another hour of driving, singing and laughing, we finally got to Lima and Brittany dropped off Quinn and me at my place. Judy had texted Quinn that she was out with her friends on a 'housewives only' bar tour and I didn't want my blonde friend to be alone, so I offered (forced) her to hang out at my place instead.

Shelby wasn't at home as well, doing whatever she did at this time.

"I sometimes forget your musical talent beneath all the tough girl act," Quinn said as she obverved the various instruments in my room, from the electronic drum kit to the keyboard to the acoustic guitar next to the electric one. I simply shrugged and plopped down on my bed, "I never said I'm tough. I'm only badass."

"Isn't that the same?"

"'Course not. I'm not tough enough to resist your cute pout because I always want to make you happy. And if it's a stuffed animal that gets you excited, then I'll get it for you," I muttered, pointing to the stuffed lion cub sitting on my desk, staring at me with innocent beady eyes. I growled at it like it was actually alive, before I sighed at my stupidness and laid down on my back, facing the ceiling with a blank look.

I felt the mattress shifting and a warm body snuggling into mine and once again, I found myself on the verge of a heart attack. Did friends cuddle on the bed all the time?

OK, my three best friends didn't count, with them it was always more like playfully lying on top of each other, trying to shove each other off the bed. But with Quinn, it felt more intimate, something like only lovers would share. But maybe I was only imagining things.

"How do you always know what to say to make me feel special without intending to?" I felt the blonde whisper against my neck and I almost shuddered at the tingling sensation, making my toes curl.

Clearing my throat, I bit on my bottom lip nervously. She was right, I hadn't meant for my words to come out so...sappy?

"You don't need my words to feel special," I whispered back. Reaching behind me for another pillow, I motioned for Quinn to lift her head and tucked the pillow beneath her head. "It's because you are special."

Wide, glistening hazel eyes looked up at me and I genuinely smiled back to show her that I meant it.

"Rachel, I – please don't shower me with sweet words anymore," Quinn breathed and her body shifted, but not enough to leave my sides. I didn't want the feeling of her warm body pressed against mine to ever vanish.

"Do you think I dish out compliments when I don't mean them? Because I don't," I said with a frown and turned to face the blonde. But she avoided my inquiring gaze, staring at a point above my head.

"You're doing it again," she shakingly whispered and I was starting to worry about her, "you're not supposed to. You're not supposed to make me want to-"

She halted in her sentence and turned her pretty head to the ceiling, not looking like she was going to finish what she had started anytime soon. Quite on the contrary, she looked more like she regretted what she had said.

I was torn. I wanted to know so badly, I wanted to know the reason why she was being like this right now when everything had been fine before. Was it something I had said? Was it something that I had done? I knew I was a big screw up, I shouldn't have said anything instead. I mean, what kind of friends complimented each other on being special and stuff, this was just over the top.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

Quinn whipped her head around to stare at me with a confused look. "For what?"

"I was hoping that you could tell me," I sheepishly smiled back, earning a light laugh. I made her laugh. This was a good sign.

"I've said it a thousand times before, but this time, I actually mean it. It's not you, it's me," the blonde answered with a small smile, playfully nudging me in my sides. I let out a faint gasp and wiggled away from her, pouting at her.

"Yeah, I used that line pretty often, too," I mockingly sighed, "You know, the 'said it thousand times before, but this time, I mean it' part."

The blonde let out a disbelieving snort which I found absolutely endearing.

"Really? In which context do you use it?" Quinn asked me with a raised eyebrow and I felt like being tested again. I couldn't answer her with a 'I often said it to random girls whom I've declared my fake affection so they would let me in their pants but believe me, I've changed'.

This was so not an option.

"Erm, I use it when I … write corny love songs!" I lied and shot up from my bed, reaching for my guitar that hung on the wall.

"You write love songs?" Quinn warily asked as she propped herself on her ellbows to see me better from my bed, disbelief dripping from every word.

I took great offense by that. Well, not really, because I sucked at writing love songs and I only tried it whenever I came home from a good party, still drunk as hell and in the mood for doing something embarrassing.

"Yes," I defiantly said, patting my guitar, "I am one of those people who believe that you don't need to be in love to write a good, corny love song."

"Is that so? Let's hear an example, then."

I visibly deflated and sighed, shaking my head at the ground.

"I've never written a complete love song before," I admitted, lightly strumming my guitar.

I looked up when I felt a soft hand grabbing my hand that plucked at the guitar strings and found myself staring into warm, sparkling eyes.

"Can you teach me how to play the guitar?" Quinn asked in a shy tone, "I've always wanted to learn but my – my fa...you know, my -"

I quickly interrupted her with a gentle, "Yes."

I knew all about her father. That son of a bitch who ran away the moment he smelled the scent of another woman, demanding a divorce during the time that Judy spent in a hospital after she had gotten her leg broken. And Quinn, twelve year old Quinn, was too young to understand, too young to do much about it, so she just watched her father pack his things and leave.

The name Fabray was Judy's last name and she let people still call her Mrs Fabray because still had a hard time dealing with her loneliness. She didn't want it to be real, the fact that she was in her mid-fifties and single, and I could understand her. Because when Quinn would leave for college one day, Judy would be all alone in the house. She would make coffee for two every morning until she realized that no one would drink the other cup. It made me sad as hell.

"He didn't allow me to play the guitar, he said 'it doesn't suit a sophisticated girl', he wanted me to learn playing the piano instead," Quinn lowly said, letting her fingers slide up and down the guitar strings, sometimes experimentally plucking them.

I looked up at her and gave her the sincerest smile I'd ever given.

"I'll teach you how to play the guitar," I softly said, "if you teach me how to write a love song."

* * *

><p><strong>Some commentsreviews on Quinn-in-Denial and Santana-knows-Everything? ;P**

**Next chapter: A Faberry Christmas, some mushy moments, minor Finnie Pooh bashing and a surprise at the end :D**


	16. Chapter 16

**Yay, a Faberry Christmas chapter :D **

* * *

><p>"<em>Do they know it's Christmas,<em>"

I loudly groaned and turned the car radio off, glaring at the snowy road as I drove in a very slow pace so my car wouldn't slide.

It was the same, every damn year. Yeah, I was talking about Christmas.

I had never really bothered to celebrate it; first, because I had no parents to celebrate it with and second, this mushy time of the year made me gag.

So my friends and I had developed our own tradition – getting drunk on eggnog and glogg, then going to Central Park to start a snow fight, then getting arrested for 'inciting public disturbance' because it turned out to be a mass snow fight, and then sleeping it off in a police station before we get released without charges because it's 'Christmas, the time of love and forgiveness'.

But, of course, this year was different. I was spending Christmas in Lima and I couldn't escape it, some certain Glee members made sure that I got pulled in to the madness of sharing sappy moments together, exchanging cheap presents, wearing that ridiculous Santa hat.

So, I was currently on my way to Quinn to give her my present, she was the last stop on my 'dish out presents' tour. Yeah, I had spent the whole day driving around with lots of good stuff in my SUV, personally handing over presents because a certain blonde had made me do this. She had been horrified when I had told her that I had never celebrated Christmas before.

So here I was, playing Santa Clause of Lima. Except that I had a Range Rover as my transportation, instead of a sleigh pulled by reindeers.

This was my way of making it up for the lack of Christmas action the previous years, giving presents to everyone I knew and cared about. The Glee Club, my bro, even Sue Sylvester got a present from me. Her reaction was quite strange, but not unusual. I had given her a tracksuit, limited edition, it was gold and had white stripes.

"_Oh, Rayman, I am aroused with pleasant suprise at this wonderful and predictable present. Now off you go, I need to call this cheap company and kick their bony asses for not naming this masterpiece 'Suedidas'."_

I had gotten my own megaphone in return with the McKinley Cheerios logo painted on it. _"Treasure it. Bow to it. Worship it. This baby lasts five years if you don't urinate into it and don't think about placing it in front of your other orifices."_

So, yeah, this holy megaphone rested in my backseat, along with a few others peculiar presents adressed to me. One of them was a huge box of condoms. Given to me by Santana.

"_Santana, I'm as rainbow-gay as you, I don't think that these will be necessary if I'm not sleeping with dudes."_

"_Who said anything about these being for disgusting Neandertals? They're for you, RuPaul, don't want you to knock up our Cheerios before we've won Nationals."_

Yeah, Santana was being very considerate about my non-existing penis and I already regretted my decision to get her such an awesome present.

"_Okay, midget, just because you have a dick doesn't mean that I need one to satisfy Britts."_

"_Come on, this strap-on has an additional vibration function."_

"_I said no. Britt, baby, what do you think?"_

"_I'd like to try it out tonight."_

"_Hand it over, dwarf."_

Brittany's present was much more thoughtful and sweeter than her girlfriend's, though I'd probably never use it. It was a lingerie set with ducks printed all over the fabric and it made 'Quack, quack' if you touched the bra.

At least Puck's presents weren't a total disaster, he got me copies of 'The Bro Code' and 'The Playbook' from the 'How I Met Your Mother' series and allowed me to ruffle his mohawk for ten seconds before he hunted me down and started a tickle war. My presents for him were video games and hair-care products as a gag, you know, to handle the 'Hawk', but I had a feeling that these products would be frequently used. Even when he had scoffed and told me that the fierce look of his mohawk came naturally.

Talking of care products, I had gotten expensive hand care products from Kurt because he always complained about the roughened skin of my fingertips from playing the guitar so much. His present from me were a year's subscriptions to a bunch of fashion magazines and a perfume of some designer hand bag brand. He had been horrified when he had opened the presents, not because he hadn't liked it, but because he had been making a fuss about how expensive that stuff had to be and so on.

"_I can never accept this! This is beyond the budget we've agreed on!"_

"_Your care products aren't cheap as well."_

"_But their price is nothing compared to these! No, I can't accept these presents..."_

After lots of arguing and shoving presents back and forth, I had simply left without giving him the chance to hurl his presents back at me. Few minutes later, I had received a text message, saying, _"Thank you so very, very much, this is the last perfume missing in my collection. XOXO, Kurt."_

I pulled in to Quinn's driveway and reluctantly left the warm inside of my car. Biting cold wind was blowing into my face like a sarcastic welcome greet as soon as I had stepped out of the car. My teeth chattering, I went to open the trunk and pulled out a large, wrapped package, almost knocking myself over in the process. I shouldn't have had it wrapped up, the packaging made this whole thing bigger than it really was.

I dove into the trunk again and fished for an envelope, then put it into the back of my jeans pockets. This was a present for Judy, an all around membership card for the local spa, permitting her access to everything that was available. I didn't really have an idea what services were included in there, but I was pretty sure that this card got it all covered. I mean, I had required for the 'Membership Card Deluxe' and the young lady at the reception had promised me that I could demand everything I wanted. So I had thought that this was the perfect present for Judy, though the young lady had seemed to be disappointed when I had told her that the membership card was a gift for someone.

Reaching into the trunk one last time, I pulled out a stuffed animal. A lioness. No comments, please.

With the fluffy toy stowed under my arm, I heaved the huge package to Quinn's porch and rang the bell with shaking fingers, shivering in the cold. I didn't have to wait long before the door flew open, revealing a beaming Quinn Fabray with a Santa hat on top of her head.

"Merry Christmas!" she happily exclaimed and pulled me in for a hug, which I thankfully returned because she was a welcomed heat source. And gosh, I didn't want to pull away, her scent of cinnamon and green tea was a thousand times better than plain, odorless air.

"Merry Christmas to you, too," I said through chattering teeth.

"Oh my god, you must be freezing!" she said worriedly when she felt my cold cheeks that were tinted red, "Come in, quick, mom can't wait to let you taste our home made cinnamon roll."

I followed her gladly, hauling the huge package along with me, that was when Quinn noticed my present for her.

"You plan on moving in with me?" the blonde jokingly asked, pointing to her present. I laughingly shook my head, replying, "As tempting as that sounds - that, Quinn Fabray, is your Christmas present."

The smile on Quinn's lips faded and her eyes considerably widened, staring between me and the tall package. "For - for me?"

"I don't know any other Quinn Fabrays, do you?" I lightly said, looking around as if I expected another Quinn to pop out of nowhere. "And believe me, I didn't wrap up your present a thousand times so it would look that large. It _is_ that large."

"I hope it's not expensive," Quinn lowly said, her astonished tone not vanished, though suspicion was creeping onto her features as well. "It's not over the budget, is it?"

I sheepishly smiled and scratched my neck, avoiding her gaze as I looked past her at the living room. For me, the present wasn't expensive at all, but it did bust the budget we agreed on a little bit.

"Rachel!" Quinn huffed, "You know I'll feel bad if it's something expensive."

"It's not, it's really not," I tried to reassure her and I wasn't even lying, I mean, a few hundred dollars weren't much, at least not for me because I could be swimming in one hundred dollar bills if it weren't so dirty, "You're my best friend in Lima, you're worth it."

The blonde's gaze softened, but to be sure that she wouldn't inquire more about the price of her present, I quickly took the stuffed lioness from under my arm and lifted the toy up, wiggling with its front paws as I let out a playful roar, trying to imitate a lioness. Or trying to make a fool out of myself, with great success.

Quinn giggled in amusement and fondly stared at the fluffy animal with sparkling eyes, so I brought it up to her face and let its nose tickle her cheek.

"Since you already have a lion cub, it would only be right to a have a mother for it," I playfully said, "I plan on equipping you with a whole lion family. You know, the ultimate must-have for a teenage girl."

"You can make fun of me as much as you want," Quinn huffed, gently taking the stuffed lioness and holding it like it was a freaking baby, "but I know that somewhere deep inside of you, you want this fluffy, cute thing to be yours."

I just laughed and walked past her, intending to go to Judy to give her the envelope with her present in it.

"You know, if you're referring to yourself as this fluffy, cute thing, then we'll talk about it," I called over my shoulder, my grin splitting my face when Quinn failed to shoot back a quickwitted answer.

* * *

><p>"I hope it's not a stuffed lion," I mumbled as I nervously paced circles in Quinn's room, waiting for her to get her present for me. Glancing at the large package leaning against the wall, I let out a deep sigh. What if it really was too much?<p>

It wasn't like Quinn and I had been friends since kindergarten that gave me the right to pull such a stunt in the manner of 'I'm so grateful that you're in my life' – present. You know, the kind of present that leaves you impressed and touched, never wanting to put it away or store it in the attic because it just means so much.

And I wanted her present to mean something and stand out from the others she got, I didn't want to get her something that she'd gracefully accept with a smile and then put aside to the stack of thousand other meaningless gifts. I wanted something special for her because let's face it, she was too special for me to not give her anything but the best.

_Quinn will be so mad at me for busting the budget ten times._

But this present would blow her mind away.

_Right. No need for modesty, you and I know that I don't work like that._

What I really wanted to avoid was the whole 'I can't accept this' part. It was emotionally exhausting to fight against someone who was torn between displaying enough modesty to appear polite and at the same time trying not to reject the present with too much resoluteness because they _did_ want the damn present. The whole 'pushing it back and forth' process gnawed at my patience and I wasn't known for being patient in any situation.

Well, maybe except for foreplays.

Anyway, it was too late to change the present. Quinn would have to accept it, I would _not_ drag this freaking thing back to my car. And she knew that I tended to lavish money; whatever I bought, I bought the best and when it came to the blonde, the best was not even good enough.

_Sappy much?_

Quality had its price.

_Keep fooling yourself._

Quinn really couldn't use the factor 'too expensive' against me, she knew about the Platinum card snuggled in my wallet and I wasn't carrying it around to show off like other kids did with their parents' credit cards. It was my own and I used it regurlarly, dollar bills were confusing me too much and fidgeting with wad of notes wasn't my thing. Only unenlightened people, who had become rich by lucky circumstances and without any hard work, paid for a sports car in hundred dollar bills.

"Rachel!"

Startled, I whipped around and took in a cheery Quinn holding a small, wrapped box in her hands, enthusiastically lifting it up to my face so I would take it.

"Pour moi?" I feigned a pleasantly surprised gasp, pointing to myself. The blonde giggled and rolled her eyes, shoving the red box closer to my face, "Si, para ti."

Laughing, I slowly accepted her gift and said with amusement, "Merci."

"De nada," Quinn cheekily replied and before I saw it coming, she rushed forward and pulled a red Santa hat over my head, making me pout at her.

"Quinnie," I whined, almost grinning when I saw her pulling a grimace at the mention of her unbeloved nickname, "What did I say about 'No Santa Hats?'"

"You did? I only understood French," the blonde mockingly retorted, skipping to her bed to sit on it cross-legged. I pouted some more but followed her, sitting opposite of her on the bed, indian style. With the Santa hat still on my head.

"And here I thought you couldn't make the difference between French and Spanish."

"Rachel," Quinn said in an impatient tone, pointedly glancing at the present in my hands, "You have to open it."

"I'm kinda scared," I replied with a lop-sided smirk, "who knows what will be in there. Maybe a small, poisonous snake. Or a mini bomb. Or even worse, an invitation to the Celibacy Club."

Quinn rolled her eyes and shot back in an ironic tone, "Yes, all three things in one small box. Now open it."

Chuckling at her impatience, I gave her a playful wink to show her that I had been merely messing with her, but it made her blush and avert her eyes to the present in my hands.

I carefully tugged at the ribbon, pulling it off the box, then I slowly took off the lid, feeling myself getting dizzy with all the anticipation rushing through my veins.

My mouth dropped open.

"Quinn Fabray!" I exclaimed after I had found my voice again, furiously looking between her and the present in the box, "And you tell me I'm not supposed to bust the budget?"

The blonde bit on her bottom lip and had the decency to look guilty, gazing at me with wide, expressive eyes. "I was hoping that you wouldn't notice."

Puh-lease.

I was clueless about a lot of things, hell, just list up the things I _did _know and it wouldn't even fill out half a paper in A4 format, but I wasn't that stupid. At least that was what I thought.

"I'm offended. You thought I wouldn't be able to appreciate the value of your present," I said with fake disappointment, dramatically sighing and Quinn quickly replied, "No! I didn't mean it like that, I – I-"

"I'm kidding, Quinn," I softly interrupted her and laid a soothing hand on her arm, "I really like it. All of it."

Carefully taking the present out of the box, I lifted it up to my face and gave myself some time to take in the beauty of.

It was a watch. The most precious asset about this watch wasn't the white real leather wristband or the golden clock-face or the super elegant, super expensive looking design of it. It were simply two small letters, two initials which were engraved in the side of the casing.

_R&Q._

And I loved it. It made my heart swell up with gratefulness. I knew from this moment on that I'd probably not be able to take this watch off my wrist, not because I always needed to know the time, but because of these simple initals.

"I figured you would want something useful. I remember you once saying that you like practical things. And since you're always late to school, I thought, giving you a watch would be the decent thing to do," Quinn lowly said, watching me with intense eyes as I put the watch on my wrist. It fit perfectly. Not tight, not loose, it just fit.

I looked up at her with sparkling eyes, like a kid who just opened the present he had always dreamed of and now looked up at his parents with a beaming smile.

Only that this was better. I didn't expect a present like this and now, it surpassed every expectation and made me feel so giddy. The additional feeling of surprise made the whole difference, you just didn't have that when you got something you had always wished for. It just wasn't the same experience.

"It – it's like it's made for my wrist," I whispered in awe, lifting my wrist up to examine it closer.

"It is."

Dropping my arm, my head turned to face Quinn with wide, incredulous eyes. She looked rather abashed and I distinguished the light red tinge on her cheeks as she meekly replied, "I measured your wrist circumference one week ago, when you fell asleep in Spanish."

"Er – what? How?"

"You slept on one arm and the other was sprawled out, so, you know, I took the chance."

I openly gaped at her.

"And what would you've done if I didn't fall asleep? Drug me?"

Quinn rolled her eyes and ironically said, "I don't know, probably instigate a professional killer and let him chop off your wrist."

"I'm glad I fell asleep then," I replied with a smile. My eyes darted to the watch again.

Alone the thought that I was worth this present made me feel lightheaded. I wasn't talking about the price of it, that wasn't the reason why I felt so special right now.

No, the intentions behind this elegant watch were so sweet and thoughtful, everything about it was so Quinn. The whole measuring my wrist circumference, having the initials of our names engraved in it, even going to a watch maker to get a custom made one – these were the facts which made me the happiest.

It would've made me happy enough if she just drew a plain picture of us – two stick figures lying on the grass, with arrows pointing out 'Lazy Ray' and 'Q-tie', but Quinn went out of her way and gave me the awesomest present, ever. None of the gifts I had ever received before could compare to this one.

I mean, what was a Lamborghini Gallardo compared to that? Nothing. It meant nothing to me and it was useless, what was the point of possessing a sports car in New York City if you couldn't even use the second gear.

The day after my fathers had given me (not personally, they had Jerry, our butler, to give me) that car as a sweet 16th birthday present, I had sold it again and donated half of the money to the biggest orphanage in New York, insisting that it was only to be used to buy presents for the ophans on birthdays. The other half of the sum had gone to an ecology movement, because it had felt like the right thing to do since I had already contributed a small part in saving the environment by not driving that freaking car.

But now that I thought about it, someone else in New York was driving this car right now. And if I thought more about it, I had a Range Rover parked outside Quinn's house. Fuck it. At least I had donated some money, so there was no reason for me to feel guilty.

"Rach? Rachel? Hellooo?"

I slowly shook my head and broke out of my reverie.

"I'm just – overwhelmed right now," I said with a pause, "I've never gotten something so awesome before."

"I'm sure you have," Quinn said with a smile.

Of course, that was the right thing to reply. Like, 'I've never done something right before' and the right answer would be, 'I'm sure you have'.

"I'm surer that I haven't," I replied with a lopsided smirk, before it turned to a genuine smile. "No, I mean it. This is the best present ever. I have it for five minutes now and I feel like keeping it for the next five minutes, and the next ten minutes and every day after."

The blonde beamed and she grinned in self-satisfaction, knowing that she had done something right.

It was time for her present.

"Now that you have no reason to be mad at me for busting the budget," I cheerily started and jumped off the bed, going to the huge package, "prepare to be blown away!"

Quinn got up from the bed as well and suspiciously eyed the package that was wrapped up in bright red and orange colors.

"I hope you don't mean that literally because this could be actually a bomb."

Chuckling, I retorted, "Now who's the pessimist? C'mon, open it, it will only blow your mind in the metaphorical sense."

It took her ten minutes to unwrap her present and she didn't want me to help her, fumbling with eager fingers which trembled in excitement.

"You didn't," Quinn breathed in disbelief, when a shiny, black guitar case got revealed and almost dazzled us with its golden engravings, stating _Q. Fabray_, in elegant, squiggled writing.

"You do know that the actual present is inside the guitar case, right?" I nervously laughed, when Quinn didn't seem to be moving anytime soon, staring at her own name engraved in the case.

She pulled herself out of her trance and slowly opened the case with trembling fingers, revealing an acoustic guitar that had a light, warm and sated brown color.

Getting the guitar for her had been the easy part. I had called up my favorite musical instrument shop in New York and ordered a concert guitar with a mellow sound, from a very good brand. But they hadn't had one in the sort of brown color I wanted to have, because I didn't want any dull brown color, I wanted it to be the exact color of Quinn's eyes. Hazel eyes. So I had demanded to get a custom made one. That might have been the reason why this guitar kind of busted the budget. Not that it didn't bust the budget without the extra demand.

"Oh, Rachel," Quinn whispered and though I could barely hear her voice, I distinguished it trembling. And with a sudden pang, I felt like being pulled back into a memory, back in the past, where I once had made her cry when I had tried to tell her she was beautiful. It all came back to me, so crystal clear like it was happening now, the way her eyes had teared up and how she had begun to sob. The helplessness I had felt. Was feeling now.

"Quinn, if you don't like it, you don't have to -"

"Rachel, just – just shut up and – and hug me."

Silently, I opened my arms and waited for her to step in my personal space, tightly holding her as she pressed her warm body against mine. I closed my eyes and breathed in her intoxicating scent as I buried my nose into her hair, already feeling far too lightheaded than allowed.

"You're so stupid."

_Wh – wha – what – _

I quickly tried pulling away from the embrace, but Quinn put one hand on the back of my head, not allowing me to back away.

"You're so stupid for always thinking that you've done something wrong," Quinn whispered, her warm breath brushing my ear and I involuntarily shivered, "and I just don't understand. There's no one cockier or more self-confident or more self-assured than you are in our school, yet you start doubting yourself the moment I become emotional."

I felt trapped. Not because I was locked in a tight embrace with one hand on my lower back and the other one on the back of my head, holding me in place, but this was a different feeling of being trapped. And it scared me. Scared the shit out of me.

"I'm just not good with emotions," I mumbled.

_Lame. So lame that I don't even have the heart to come up with a mean insult._

"So whenever I fall silent and try to digest the great things you've done for me, you become insecure? You immediately assume that I'm trying to hold back tears of anger, disappointment and hurt?"

Quinn's grasp on me tightened, I felt her fingers digging deeper into my scalp and my skin.

_Torture._ _Sweet torture._

"I said I'm not good with emotions. And that implies interpreting them correctly," I weakly muttered, closing my eyes.

"God, Rachel," Quinn sounded like being torn between laughing and sighing out of frustation, so she opted for amused exasperation to fill her delicate voice. "You drive me crazy."

My breath hitched. Her words excited me more than they should. I interpreted more out of them than I should. I enjoyed the feeling of her warm body pressed against mine more than I should.

"If it's any consolation, you make me crazy, too," I tried to lightly say, but my furiously pounding heart didn't make it easy for me, "You turned me into a sappy lunatic."

Her hold on me loosened and finally, I felt like I could breathe again. I took this chance to wiggle out of the embrace and prayed that my legs hadn't turned into jelly. Good, they still worked, even if they staggered a bit.

I took a long, deep breath and sank down on Quinn's desk chair. Why was it that I always felt exhausted after an emotional moment? It had to be something about Lima or small towns generally.

In New York, you just didn't have the time to indulge sappy moments because the big city life kept you on the run. There were trains to catch, movies to see, clubs and bars to go, cab drivers to insult...the point was, everyone around you kept constantly moving and you would feel like a fool for not moving along.

I sighed. I watched Quinn caressing her new guitar for a while before my eyes strayed to something particularly eye-catching. A pink, opened envelope lied on the desk and the card inside looked like a voucher. Had to be a Christmas present.

Curious, I reached for it and took the card out, looking at it with raised eyebrows. A twenty dollar voucher for Breadstix. Involuntarily, I snorted with a pitiful, weak smile. What a lame present.

"What are you laughing at?" Quinn absently asked as she tugged at some strings, filling the room with a mellow guitar sound. I held up the Breadstix voucher and said with a smirk, "Just thinking who would be so lame to buy you that."

The blonde didn't reply as she tried some chords on the guitar, leaving me to reason out loud to myself, "I mean, come on. This present just screams 'No Creativity'. With capitals."

I was quite entertaining myself as I went on, "A Breadstix voucher, ha. Only a straight guy can come up with something as lame as this. He's expecting you to take him with you the next time you eat there, right? So that he can get something out of the voucher as well."

Now chuckling with amusement over this guy's stupidness, I threw the card back onto the desk and folded my arms behind my head, watching Quinn strumming the guitar with a few easy chords that I had taught her so far.

"Does your boyfriend know that there's a jerk trying to take you out on a dinner? No wait, it's the other way round since you're paying. Ha, what an idiot."

I was having a blast making fun out of whoever that guy was, until Quinn suddenly stopped playing the guitar and replied in a toneless voice, "It's Finn's present."

The gloatful smirk dripped off my face and my laughter got stuck in my throat. I let out an awkward and very sheepish chuckle, like 'He, hehe, chrm' before I lowly said, "Now that I think about it, a Breadstix voucher isn't that bad. I mean, twenty dollars are okay, you can pay for two meals if you don't order drinks additionally and leave out the tip..."

"It's fine, Rachel. To be honest, I'm not that thrilled either," she said, facing the guitar again as she slowly strummed a sequence of chords and I felt so proud in this moment. Me, I was the one who had taught her how to play these chords. And I was going to teach her some more.

I didn't reply because I knew that if I did, I wouldn't be able to restrain myself from bashing Finn some more than I already had unkowingly done. But you had to agree with me, the voucher was so lame, he just invented a new superlative. Lame, lamer, Finn Hudson.

"But your present makes it all up," Quinn suddenly said, like she had forgotten to end her previous sentence and now added this part after a long pause.

I could basically feel my smug expression stretching all over my face, like a flashing sign screaming, 'SMUG SMUG SMUG' all in capital letters.

"So, Quinn," I slowly said, wanting to bring up something that kind of involved us both, "my friends from New York are going to visit me in a few days, they plan on staying three days before they fly back for New Year's Eve."

Quinn looked up from her guitar. "Oh, do I get to meet them?"

I nervously chuckled, "That's the point. They insist on meeting you because of the things I've told them about you."

"Good things, I hope."

"Of course," I lightly said, "since there are no bad things about you."

Quinn abashedly smiled and looked to the ground, so I continued, "Anyway, they really want to see you. They feel threatened by our close relationship, but I think they're joking."

The blonde laughed and giggled, "Do they?"

"Wouldn't put it past them," I darkly mumbled, "I just want to warn you about them, so you don't run away screaming."

The blonde carefully put her guitar back into the guitar case before she sat down on her bed and turned to me to give me her full attention. "Tell me more about them."

I smiled and said, "I wish I could tell you who's the scariest of them three, but I honestly think that they're all scary. Let's start with Kate then."

"Let me guess, a brunette vamp," Quinn interrupted me with a lopsided smile, "She's the wild one in your group."

I indignantly gasped, "First, she's not brunette, but dark blonde and second, what about me? Aren't I wild enough for you?"

"Please," Quinn giggled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, "I've got you tamed. You're as wild as a teddy bear. Bear-y. Berry. Get it?"

My deadpanned expression was answer enough.

"Sorry. Go on."

Giving her a playful smirk, I continued, "Admittedly, she's really hot. I used to hit on her, before I got bitch-slapped. And now we're best friends. Yay."

At this, Quinn narrowed her eyes at me and repeated, "Used to hit on her?"

I sheepishly chuckled and answered, "Well, I think it was the same with you and me. At first, I really wanted to date her and now I can only laugh about this. It would be weird trying to go on a date with her now."

"Oh," the blonde commented and she sounded somewhat unhappy, the corners of her mouth dropping. I think mine did, too.

"Look, Quinn, I'm really sorry that I hit on you the first few days I knew you. But I swear, I only want to be your friend now," I quickly added, though I innerly cringed at the lie.

Somehow, what I had said didn't make her any happier than before, she still looked down on her bed. And her frown seemed to have gotten deeper.

"Quinn?" I tentatively asked, getting up from the desk chair to walk over to the blonde. I sat down next to her on the bed. "Whatever I've done wrong this time, I'm sorry."

Quinn let out a short laugh and shook her head, looking at me with a weak smile. "You have to stop doing this."

"Stop doing what?"

"Taking blame for things you haven't done," she softly said, "All I did was getting lost in thoughts."

I watched her lie down on her bed on her side, tucking a pillow beneath her head as she looked up at me with sparkling eyes. It was one of the most beautiful sights I'd ever seen.

If I only had my phone with me to capture this unique moment.

The way she looked at me, shyly gazing at me when half of her face was hidden by the pillow, the way she smiled at me, like I was the only one she'd ever smile for. The way everything about her seemed so perfect. They way she got me thinking these thoughts.

"Tell me more about your friends."

So I lied down next to her, on my side, facing her. And I told her everything I knew about my friends.

About how Kate looked like a sex goddess, with her model figure and azul eyes, but had no experience aside from kissing and making out. How she had a sharp tongue and knew how to make the toughest boys cry. How I scared her dates away because they weren't good enough for her.

Then I told her about Nikki, the indulgent, understanding friend with light brown hair and gentle green eyes. Emerald, soft eyes that could be piercing as well, making you feel like you were being x-rayed, looking straight into your soul, making you feel naked and vulnerable under her stare. She could be scary as hell, but most of the time, she was the calm and rational one in our group.

And then there was Jake.

"I'm sorry to interrupt and to sound biased, but the name Jake sounds like a dumb, popular and good looking jock," Quinn had said.

Well, she was right. Jake was dumb, popular and good looking. She just forgot loyal, honest, funny and gay. Yeah, he was as gay as Kurt, but you would never assume it unless you saw him chatting up some guy, though even then you'd probably think he was just being overly nice.

He had the same stature as Puck and had a simple clothing style, though he managed to pull it off like some fashion god. Sneakers, worn-out jeans and a plain white V-neck t-shirt that fit his upper body just right so you could see the outlines of his muscles.

"And he has a very big heart. All tough on the outside, but inside a hopeless romantic," I finished my description about Jake and shifted my body so I lied on my back, facing the ceiling.

"That somehow reminds me of someone," I heard Quinn giggle next to me and I shot her a mock-threatening look, daring her to finish her thoughts.

"All badass on the outside," she contined with a laugh as I narrowed my eyes at her, "but nothing but cuteness inside."

"Oh no, you didn't go there," I whispered, wiggling my whole body to move in to her and when she realized it, she giggled and moved back.

"I'm just stating the facts," Quinn playfully replied, poking a finger into my cheek, "Pretend all you want, but I know that you have a very big heart as well."

I grabbed her hand so she would stop poking my cheek and pursed my lips. "Are you insinuating what I think you're insinuating?"

The blonde gave me toothy grin and her twinkling eyes gazed at me mischievously, her sweet lips forming a playful 'No?'

"So you're not saying that you think I'm a softie?"

I tried to look serious with my raised eyebrows, but I couldn't stop my own grin appearing on my face, making Quinn laugh lightly.

"No, I don't think you're a softie," she said through giggles, "I _know _you're a softie. A cute softie."

I gasped in mock indignation and moved closer to her again, intending to make it look threatening as I brought my face nearer to hers, my eyes piercing into hers. She swallowed and attempted to move back further, but she had already reached the edge of her bed.

"Say it again," I whispered, smirking, "Say I'm cute and I'll shove you off your bed."

Quinn barely breathed and she didn't blink as she held the intense eye-contact, mumbling with a shaking voice, "You wouldn't."

"Try me," I breathed and shortened the distance between our faces some more, our foreheads almost touching as I gazed into the most soulful and captivating eyes I'd ever seen.

Oh wow.

I suddenly forgot everything I had in mind before. I forgot that I was only supposed to tease her. I forgot that I was supposed to stay platonic, forgot everything I had sworn to myself.

"You," Quinn breathlessly whispered, "are..."

She trailed off and I didn't mind.

I didn't mind gazing into her eyes for the rest of the night. I didn't mind lying here with her for the rest of my life. I didn't mind her saying nothing at all because her eyes expressed more than words ever could.

And I didn't mind not knowing that this had been the moment I fell in love with her. I didn't mind realizing it months later, when it was too late to realize it.

* * *

><p><strong>So, yeah. Please don't kill me :D<strong>

**Anyway, Merry Christmas everyone :)**

Reply to anon review: Pezberry 'We found love' duet in chapter 13 - coincidence, I wrote this chapter, like, one month ago and just thought it would fit their situation. Yeah, I freak myself out with my clairvoyant skills ;D


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: Did I mention that I like to draw out the 'Finally Forever Faberry' process?  
><strong>I just want to have the time to shape their characters, so their actions and decisions are understandable. It's less realistic if Faberry happens from one day to the next, so please bear with me when it's gonna take a little bit longer till you get your Faberry kiss :) Isn't that just sweet torture? ;D

* * *

><p>"So, tell us more about that Quinn chick."<p>

I groaned in frustration and chose not to answer, sipping on my coffee instead to avoid talking.

I deeply regretted that I had invited my best friends to visit me in Lima. I imagined it would be more fun, that we'd be busy catching up, partying and turn whole Lima upside down with our troublemaker-ways, but guess what was more exciting? Sitting in Lima Bean, wrapping our cold fingers around a hot cup of coffee to get ourselves warmed up because the winter temperature had been freezing our asses off. I felt freaking old doing that. Where was my knit hat and knit scarf, pah, why didn't you just give me argyle to wear?

No, seriously, that would be the end of the world.

"First, you don't call a girl 'chick'. That is degrading," I calmly said, not missing the incredulous stares directed at me. "And second, no, I won't tell you more about her. She'll be here in five minutes and personally answer your questions."

Jake was the first one to move out of his stupor, giving Kate and Nikki an uneasy look before he turned to me, placing his coffee with a loud thud on the table. It sounded quite final, like he was trying to get across a point. Too bad that he hadn't even stated one.

"Who," Jake disbelievingly started and Kate continued, "the fuck,", "are you?" Nikki finished with wide eyes.

My eyebrows instantly rised. Had they been practicing that during their flight?

"Who do you think I am?" I dryly asked.

"Not – not this," Jake spluttered and gestured with his hand in my general direction, confusion etched on his handsome features.

"You're pointing to all of me," I stated, frowning when Kate snorted with disbelief and sighed, "Yes, Rae, and we mean all of you."

"Enlighten me."

"Okay, first unusual occurence," Nikki, the ever-patient one in our group, started listing up and lifted her right hand to tick off, "when you fetched us from the airport, there was this stewardess who had shown her interest in you quite openly. And you didn't even notice her presence."

"So?" I shrugged, "Didn't see her then. Probably too average looking for me to notice her."

"She looked like Katy Perry with blond hair," Jake dryly commented and that actually made me pause for a moment.

There used to be a time where I would've had given anything to sleep with someone who resembled an international popstar, but now this pointless wish seemed stupid to me. What was the point of sleeping with someone who only resembled a popstar? If anything, I wanted to sleep with real ones.

"So?" I asked again, unfazed. Three sets of jaws dropped to the table.

"So?" Kate incredulously repeated, "You would've fucking fucked her in the airport restrooms!"

Nikki and I gave her chastising looks. "Language, Kate."

"You can't be serious. Holy motherf-"

"I have to disagree with Kate," Jake suddenly piped up and I gratefully smiled at him, wanting to say 'Thanks' as he continued with a smirk, "Rae would've fucking fucked her in the cockpit of the plane we flew with."

"I can't believe it," I mumbled to myself as Kate and Jake high-fived. Nikki raised her hand again and pointed out two digits. "I'm not done yet. Second, the old Rae we know wouldn't have a stuffed dog in the backseat of her car."

"It's a lion and it's-"

"Third," Kate continued for Nikki, her grave tone effectively drowning my attempt to speak up, "on our ride to Lima, you stopped at red lights even when no single fucking car was around. The old Rae would've been too lazy to brake for a granny crossing the street."

I didn't even try to defend myself and warily watched Jake straightening himself in his seat, wanting to have the final word, "And since when do you need a watch? You give a shit about punctuality, hell, you sometimes don't even know what day it is."

Groaning, sighing, hissing, grumbling, cursing and whining. What else could I do. They weren't even letting me talk.

"The old Rae would totally put her suave moves on that hottie who just entered this crappy café," Jake muttered as he looked past me, sipping on his latte.

I scoffed and replied, "Would you stop that shit about 'the old Rae?' I haven't changed, there is no old and new Rachel, I'm just me. And if that girl's really as hot as you said, I'd make a move on her anyway."

"Hey, Rachel," a silky, soft voice greeted me from behind.

Immediately recognizing that voice as Quinn's, I instantly shot up from my seat and almost knocked over the table with all the coffee cups on it. Then I tripped over that freaking table leg and nearly bumped into a waiter who held a tablet full of filled glasses. But he managed to dodge me and I managed to find my footing again.

"Puh," I sighed in relief and turned to face Quinn whose cheeks had rapidly reddened from suppressing her laughter, her whole body silently shook and she had covered her mouth with her hands. I gave her a deadpanned expression while I felt curious glances burning holes into my back.

"Glad I could entertain you," I dryly said, "I hope you've filmed it, I'm not doing it again."

But Quinn just merrily laughed and lightly touched me by my arm, saying, "I need help on deciding on what to buy."

I was torn. If I went with her like an obedient, clingy puppy, I'd never get to hear the end of it from my friends, but if I didn't accompany her to the counter...

Pondering the pros and cons, I came to the conclusion that getting teased by my friends for the rest of my life seemed to be less worse than disappointing Quinn.

"Yeah," I weakly smiled, then faced my friends who all tried holding down their shit-eating grin. I glared at them and pointedly said, "I'll be back in a minute."

Shooting one last warning look over my shoulder, I followed Quinn and we got in line.

"Is there a reason why they're making whipping motions at you?" Quinn curiously asked, looking back at my friends who were now loudly snickering and laughing at our direction. I didn't turn around on purpose, I just stiffly stood there and pondered on asking Sue Sylvester about her 'Ten Ways to Kill Someone Without Leaving Fingerprints and Breadcrumbs'-list. It might come in handy some day.

"No, no reason," I tried to lightly reply, but it came off as a deep growl, pressed out between gritted teeth.

"So they always make kissy faces at you?"

I groaned out loud and shook my head, tugging at Quinn's coat to stop her from observing my friends who were trying to embarrass me big time.

"They're just being – stupid. Unreasonable. Inappropiate and embarrassing. Basically, they're just being themselves," I muttered and Quinn let out an amused laugh, which instantly cheered me up again. A bit.

"They're _your _friends, after all," the blonde chuckled and I gasped in mock indignation, retorting, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"There must be some things you have in common," she laughingly stated and I wanted to shoot back a disarming reply, but we had reached the counter and so I waited for Quinn to give her order.

"Then what do we have in common?" I suddenly asked her, "You're _my _friend, after all."

Surprised, the blonde forgot for one moment to pay the cashier until he pointedly cleared his throat. Carelessly throwing some bills onto the counter, she turned to me and looked at me with a thoughtful look. I knew that look. She seemed to be pondering on what to say, like she was afraid to say too much.

"One frappé vanilla," the cashier said in a bored tone and I glared at him for his lack of enthusiasm. How could someone be so unaffected by Quin's presence?

I took her drink for her since she didn't seem like moving anytime soon, still thinking about my question, which I regretted asking in the first place. My other free hand grabbing hers, I gently pulled her towards the table of my friends who kept snickering and suggestively wiggling their eyebrows at me.

_And they're supposed to be my best friends?_

The moment our bottoms touched our seats, Kate, the evil and sly one in our group, immediately asked with a smirk, "Sooo, how long have you two been dating?"

Too bad I hadn't drunk coffee in that moment. It would've been perfect for something cliché to happen, like spitting out all the coffee in a comical way. But Jake wouldn't have been so amused, he was sitting opposite of me and Quinn.

The blonde though had reacted by letting her handbag go in shock and after she had retrieved it, she resurfaced with a deep blush on her cheeks.

"We're not dating," I pointedly hissed at Kate, glaring at her with all I got. I had explicitly explained to them that Quinn and I were just friends and asked them not to make stupid innuendos. To no avail.

"Sorry," Kate drawled without an ounce of an apologetic tone in her voice, "but you seem really close."

Not knowing how to answer her, Quinn chose to sip on her frappé to avoid talking.

Great, just great. She was uncomfortable around my friends and I had feared that this would happen. I didn't know why, but I wanted her to accept my friends so badly and I wanted them to accept her in return.

"Well, she's my best friend aside from Noah," I calmly said, leaving it at that. I knew that they were expecting me to add 'and aside from you three', but I didn't. Raising one eyebrow, I let them know that if they kept being this insufferable, then they didn't deserve the title of being my best friends.

Nikki was the first one to understand my facial expression and she sighed.

"So, Quinn, I'm Nikki," she started with a friendly tone, looking in my direction and I shortly nodded in approval. That was more likely. "As I am the most rational and the smartest one of us three, I'd like to apologize for Kate's inappropiate behaviour."

"No problem," Quinn muttered behind her frappé, shyly scrutinizing my friends from New York.

"This is Jake, the stereotype of an athletic dumbass with mediocre looks that other girls mistake for super hot," Nikki explained and pointed to Jake sitting next to her, ignoring his indignant "Hey!", "But don't worry that he'll to try hit on you with his lame pick-up lines, he's as gay as Rae."

Unsure of what to think about it, Quinn shot me a wary look and I just smiled at her encouragingly. She turned to look at Nikki again with a polite smile.

"And this is Kate," Nikki continued, pointing to said girl sitting next to Jake and Kate gave Quinn a curt, acknowledging nod, sizing her up with her eyes. The blonde next to me shuffled in her seat and I growled at Kate, I knew what she was trying to do.

She was as much protective of me as I was of her. And she certainly wasn't dumb as she sometimes liked to pretend, she immediately caught on that Quinn meant very much to me. So she tried to figure out if the blonde felt the same about me and she did that by approaching Quinn the hostile way. Which was actually my method of scaring her dates away.

"Don't mind her being a bitch sometimes," Nikki kindly said and I chuckled along, "she's just bitter that she doesn't have a boyfriend."

"Yeah?" Kate said in a challenging tone, breaking eye contact with Quinn to glare at Nikki, "I would be more bitter if I had a loser boyfriend like yours."

"He's not a loser, he's the captain of our school's soccer team!"

"That's even worse."

"It's a fairly popular game in Europe."

"Good idea, ship him off to Euro-"

"Okay!" I interrupted them and they huffed, turning to face opposite directions. Sharing an exasperated look with Jake, I turned to Quinn and apologeticly said, "They're always like this. Even I sometimes can't understand why they're friends."

"No, it's okay," Quinn reassured me and gave me a small smile, "They remind me of Santana and Brittany, without the romantic nature of their relationship."

At that, Kate and Nikki forgot to scoff and chose to gag instead, giving each other disgusted looks.

"Taking back my words. I'd be more bitter if I dated you," Kate stated and I rolled my eyes. Though their relationship was really nothing but platonic friendship, I knew for a fact that they loved each other as sisters. They always pretended to dislike each other because of their differences, but in the end, they completed each other quite well. For example their 'girl-talks' about boys, that was only a thing between them two. I didn't participate because of obvious reasons and Jake wasn't that much of a 'gossip gay'.

"So, Quinn," Jake decided to save the conversation, "tell me how Rae got so lucky to have you as her friend? How did you two meet?"

I could feel it. The blush creeping on my cheeks, the awkward tension building, the memories in my mind going wild.

Sheepishly chuckling, Quinn slowly said, "We didn't start on good terms."

You could put it that way, I thought. It was very vague, but my friends didn't need to know that I had tried hitting on her and that she had been annoyed at me the first few days. And the fact that I had sung a song for her to make up, could be left out as well.

"Let me translate it, she came on to you too strong and then decided to be just your friend instead?" Kate said, the smug smirk threatening to split her face. Oh how I wanted to strangle her.

"Erm, well..." Quinn trailed off, at a loss for words. I couldn't blame her.

"It's okay. I can assure you, she won't try it again," Kate said in a what was supposed to be soothing tone, "Unless you want her to."

Silence. Tense silence.

At least for me. I could feel beads of sweat forming on my forehead and out of sudden, the collar of my shirt seemed to be too tight and it was getting hot in here. Too hot. Keen on avoiding eye contact with anyone, I grabbed my coffee cup to sip on it, only to find it empty. I quickly shot up from my seat.

"I'll get another drink," I hastily said and walked off without waiting for an answer, just wanting to leave the suffocating athmosphere of our table. But instead of getting in line for another coffee, I stepped out of Lima Bean into the biting cold.

Immediately regretting my decision to catch some icy, fresh air, I wanted to return to the warmth of the café, but my feet stayed rooted to the ground. Despite of the stinging coldness prickling my bare skin like thousands of small needles, I couldn't move my legs and go back into Lima Bean. I didn't want to.

Why was it that I hadn't been able to stay in the café and endure more of my friends' torturing? Why was it that I had fled when Kate said, 'Unless you want her to'?

I wasn't able to think properly, the biting cold was freezing my mind, not able to form coherent thoughts. I just watched the snow falling off the sky and melt when they touched the ground.

"Rae, you're gonna freeze to death!"

I didn't bother to turn around because disappointment and anger was biting its way through my heart. Disappointed to recognize the voice as Jake's and not Quinn's, angry at myself for wishing it to be Quinn's voice.

I felt a warm jacket being draped over my shoulders and innerly, I was thankful for the heat it provided. But it meant that Jake had no jacket on now. I turned around to face him with a grateful smile, saying, "You better go back, quick."

"Not without you," he replied with a genuine smile and I couldn't help but smile back, he just had this way of melting people's heart. He was the very definition of charming and no wonder why everybody fell over his feet, girls and boys.

"I don't want to. You're all embarrassing me," I admitted with a lopsided smile, watching a few snowflakes landing on his broad, muscular shoulders. I reached out to brush them off, but he caught my hand in the movement, gently holding it.

"She likes you."

"Of course she does, I'm her friend and -"

"No, let me say it again. She likes you. 'Liking' in the sense of crushing on you."

I stopped breathing, for one moment to overwhelmed with feelings to reply. Then I slowly shook my head, pushing my emotions back with a rough shove. Far, far away from my heart.

"You're just imagining things," I said, "she's a very affectionate girl."

Jake frowned and ran a hand through his stylish haircut, brushing away some snowflakes.

"I know I'm not good with reading emotions, but I was quite sure that the way she looked at you indicated some crush."

That was where perfect Jake had a minor flaw. His interpreting emotions skills were as inadequate as mine, he easily got insecure the way I did with Quinn. I just couldn't read emotions for the life of me, I never knew when someone was close to crying as in 'about to bawl in sadness' or crying as in 'I'm touched and so happy'.

"She has a boyfriend," I sighed, "and her gazes are always intense. She resembles Nikki in that part."

Slowly nodding, Jake agreed with me. We both knew that Nikki had a way of looking at people and make them feel being lasered. That didn't immediately mean that she crushed on everybody whom she looked at that way.

"Then what about you?" he asked and pulled me in for a hug to get some warmth from me, reminding me that he was only in his t-shirt. I wanted to step out of the embrace to push him back into Lima Bean, but he kept me locked in his arms.

"Jay, let's get back inside. I don't want you to get sick because of me," I said and tugged at his thin shirt, but he ignored me and replied, "I'm a man, I can handle that. But I'm not so sure if you can handle the blonde in there."

"What do you mean?" I asked in confusion.

"Do you like her?" Jake bluntly questioned and I flinched at his directness. And at his words.

Why was it that four simple words made me feel so scared and so confused, why did they affect me more than they should? I wanted to shrug and reply, 'Nah' and mean it, but I couldn't because it just wasn't the truth. But at the same time, I wasn't able to outright say, 'yes, yes I do' because I really didn't know if I did like her.

I mean, sure, I felt safe and secure when I was with her, but I felt the same with my friends – when they weren't trying to embarrass me. And I grew accustomed to her spontaneous hug-and-cuddle-attacks, whether it was on the couch or on the bed, she had told me that this was what close friends did. She had told me she did that with every friend of hers and that she was just a very affectionate person because she always needed a heat source to cuddle with.

And, okay, Quin sometimes made me feel strange things, she had the ability to make my heart race, stop and skip, playing me like an instrument, but that wasn't something out of the ordinary, right? I mean, hot girls in skimpy outfits made my heart race, too. Alright, that wasn't a very good comparison, I admit it.

My head leaning against Jake's chest, I honestly answered, "I don't know."

I didn't know what it felt like to care for someone romantically, I had no experience in that department and I used to be proud of it. Proud of being able to stay away from dangerous emotions such as jealousy, longing and – love.

"You don't know or you don't want to know?" Jake gently asked, brushing snowflakes off my shoulder and head.

"I honestly don't know. Since my – since my fa – since they left, I haven't been able to trust someone other than you three."

I used to know what love felt like, maybe not romantically, but deep enough to resemble to it.

I had grown up with lots of love from my fathers and I had never learned to appreciate it. I had taken it for granted, thought that it would be this way forever, just them and me. I had been too content to think about what actually made my fathers happy. And they had chosen money, success and power over me, their only daughter.

And the real reason why I had been angry at Shelby for abandoning me, was that all this could've been avoided if she had kept me from the start. I would still have a loving parent. I was sure that she would've been a decent mother, maybe not the best, but at least she wouldn't have left me in my phase of growing up, hitting puberty.

But it was too late to mourn for the past. Too late to change anything about it.

I felt Jake's chest deflating and heaving and it was strangely comforting.

"C'mon, let's get you a coffee. My hotness won't be able to keep us warm forever," he lowly chuckled and guided me back to Lima Bean.

Entering the warm inside of the café was a relief and for a moment, Jake and I just stood there to relish the comfortable temperature.

"I'll buy, you go back to the table. You've got Quinn worrying over you," he said, but I hold on to his hand, not wanting to leave.

"Kate made her stay and send me to get you," Jake added, "you better -"

I didn't need him to finish his sentence and quickly made my way over to the table where Quinn, Kate and Nikki sat. When the blonde saw me, she quickly stood up and met me halfway, engulfing me in a tight embrace.

"Oh, Rachel, you're freezing," Quinn sighed into my ear, but I was more worried about her. I was afraid that Kate had scared her off completely.

"I just needed some fresh air," I breathed, "how about you? Do you want to leave? I understand if you want to, my friends haven't been really bearable..."

"No, it's fine. I actually start to like them, though Kate is not someone to mess with," she said with a lopsided smile as she pulled back from the hug and I smiled back in relief.

We got back to our table and sat down. I expected Kate to let out a snide remark, but she stayed uncharacteristically silent. Her expression was unreadable and it made me nervous, it was never a good sign if she had this blank face. Turning to Nikki, I saw her encouragingly smiling at me and I wondered why. Why encouragingly?

"Rae, here, your coffee," Jake set down a coffee cup in front of me and I smiled at him, mouthing, "Thanks."

"How about we do something together afterwards? Watching a movie? Shopping? Starting a snow fight in a park?" he suggested with a hopeful smile that you just couldn't deny.

"We could do all of these things," Quinn agreed and I beamed at her. She was opening up to my friends.

"Yeah, let's go," Nikki said and as everybody stood up and took their cups with them, I felt Kate grabbing my wrist, so we trailed behind the others with a distance.

"Do you know what you're getting yourself into?" Kate lowly said, glancing at Quinn's back and I eyed her with confusion, "What are you talking about?"

My friend scoffed as we left Lima Bean and walked to the place where our cars were parked, replying, "Don't pretend, you know what I'm talking about."

No, I honestly didn't.

"Let's say, I know what you're talking about. Tell me, what am I getting myself into?"

She didn't hesitate to answer, "Playing Quinn."

I stopped in movements. Kate noticed it only seconds later that I had stayed behind and motioned for me to keep walking, so I did, but I stared at her with a deep frown.

"Are you serious? Playing Quinn? She's my friend and I care for her, I'm not playing her by any means," I angrily hissed, feeling myself getting upset over the fact that someone might accuse me of messing with the head cheerleader of McKinley High's Cheerios.

"No, that's not what I meant," Kate quickly retorted, "I know you care for her. But not the same way she cares about you, she's taking it to another level."

I really didn't know what she was trying to get at. First Jake, now her, why did everyone like to think that we were more than friends?

"So? We're close friends. For Christmas, I gave her a guitar from one of my favorite brands and she gave me a custom made watch, this is what close friends do," I defiantly said, wanting to pick up speed to catch up with the others, but Kate grabbed me by my shoulder and turned me around, giving me an incredulous look.

"Oh, girl, are you really that stupid or are you pretending?"

"Are you really that annoying or are you pretending?" I growled back.

"You're getting her hopes up!" Kate said in exasperation, "For you, randomly buying some expensive present isn't that much of a big deal, but she's gonna think that you like her. As in, like like her."

"No, she won't," I angrily retorted, "she knows I'm loaded. She's straight, she's got a boyfriend and she's in the Celibacy Club."

"Rae, you really are that stupid," the blonde sighed, massaging her forehead. "It doesn't matter if you're loaded or not, but that you're willing to spend such an amount of money makes the heart of any girl beat faster. And she's not straight, she's got a boyfriend to cover it up and she's joined the Celibacy Club to avoid sleeping with him."

I huffed and turned around, intent on following the others as we were already far behind. I heard Kate groaning in frustration as she caught up with me.

"I'm sorry if I upset you, but I just needed to warn you," she said and she sounded genuine this time, so I let her keep talking, "Quinn's one of those girls who are oblivious of their crush on someone and you're one of those girls who are oblivious to the ones who crush on you. And this is a dangerous combination."

I barely spared her a glance, thinking how ridiculous she was being. Quinn had no crush on me and I would've noticed if she did. I wasn't that dumb. And even if one of us was crushing on the other, it would rather be me for obvious reasons. I just wasn't that hundred percent sure if what I was feeling was a crush or a simple infatuation, because I had no similar experience to compare it to.

There was no way that the blonde would be gay, the prettiest girls were never gay and even if, why would I be her first choice? I had nothing to offer her except for money and she wasn't a material girl.

"Are you jealous?" I suddenly asked Kate and the moment I saw her deadpanned expression I knew that it had been a stupid question. But I just needed to know why she seemed to be so against my friendship with Quinn.

"Yeah, totally jealous," she dryly said, "I wanna fuck you as much as you wanna fuck Jake."

"Do you have to be so rude about it?" I grimaced, now not able to get rid of these pictures in my mind. "He's like the brother I never had."

"And you're the annoying sister I never wished to have, but now don't want to miss."

"Thanks," I warily said, "I'll try to interpret it as a compliment."

"What I'm trying to say is," Kate sighed, "I do love you, but only as a sister. And as your older and wiser sister, it is my job to watch out for you and try to keep you from making mistakes."

Snorting with disbelief, I shook my head and easily replied, "Yeah, thanks, coming from the girl who loves to assist me in making mistakes."

She couldn't supress her smirk and I lightly laughed at that, but she quickly regained her serious expression.

"This is a different kind of mistake," she lowly said and she had me interested, "This mistake doesn't get you into a juvie, it doesn't make you wake up in a stranger's bed, it doesn't leave you with a broken leg. This kind of mistake leaves you both with a broken heart."

I let out a humorless laugh, did she really think that Quinn and I would get that far? How could Kate see so many catastrophies approaching in a platonic friendship?

"Kate, I appreciate the way you already care about Quinn, but trust me, we're friends and that's it."

"Oh, I'm not worried about her," she replied with a frown, "I'm worried about you."

"Why would you be worried about me?"

"I'm afraid that in the end, Quinn's going to be the one playing you."

* * *

><p><strong>Insert dramatic, foreboding music in here. Kidding ;P<strong>

**I promise, once Faberry, always Faberry. No, no angst, just a little bit of drama, but we're not even there yet. Yeah, I'm cruel like that ;P**

**Happy New Year then, see you next year :D**


	18. Chapter 18

**The New Year's Eve chapter aka the Longest Five Minutes of My Life. **

* * *

><p>This was the first time I spent New Year's Eve completely sober. Thirty minutes to go and the old year would be over and all the shit would start anew.<p>

Puck was throwing a New Year's Eve party with only the Glee members invited, everybody was fairly drunk by now and I didn't want to know how they wanted to ignite fireworks in their inebriated state. Probably end up setting themselves on fire.

I sighed and sullenly looked down into my cup filled with coke, standing alone in the basement because the rest of the Glee club was outside the house, already igniting firecrackers.

Why wasn't I in the mood for some partying? I mean, I had every reason to get fucked up because hello, it was New Year's Eve and no one spent it sulking like me. I should be celebrating this occasion, I had managed to survive another year without major failures and I was ready for another year full of surprises and screw ups.

"Gosh, Berry, you moping around is so killing my buzz. Not cool."

Rolling my eyes, I turned to Santana who had just entered the basement, "Why aren't you with Britt then?"

The Latina brushed a few loose strands of hair out of her face and shrugged, "She told me to get you out of the house. It's New Year in twenty minutes."

"So?"

"So? You better fucking move your skinny ass outta that door 'cause they all can't wait till midnight. And Quinn said you better wear something warm."

"She's not my mom," I scoffed and wanted to walk away from Santana, but a fierce grip on my wrist held me in place.

"No, she's not, but that doesn't mean she cares less," Santana growled and I halted in my attempts to rip my arm away from her. "Just come with me. I have the feeling that she's going to need you."

"Why would she need me? I'm not gonna stand beside her and watch her face getting sucked off by Finnie Winnie Pooh when it's midnight."

The Latina groaned out loud and let go of my wrist, making me sigh in relief as I rubbed the sore skin.

"Geez, thanks dwarf, now that's an image I can't get rid off," Santana hissed before she cleared her throat and continued in a more calm voice, "Listen, I never ask you for anything."

I raised my eyebrows at this. Did she forget who helped her mending her relationship with Brittany?

"But just this once, do me a favor alright? A last good deed this year."

I sighed and nodded, watching Santana's expression soften.

"I don't want Quinn to spend New Year's Eve with Finnept," she lowly said and for one moment, I thought I had heard her wrong and my expression must have indicated my confusion when the Latina impatiently added, "You heard right. I don't want them to be together the moment the clock hand points to twelve."

Taken aback, I couldn't find anything better to reply than just, "Uh – what? Why?"

I had expected Santana to curse in frustration or to roll her eyes in impatience, but her reaction had me more confused than ever. She was nervous. She seemed uncomfortable and whatever made her this uneasy, it had to be big. Santana Lopez didn't get uncomfortable, you got uncomfortable around Santana Lopez.

"I – I, gosh Berry, don't ask me stupid questions and I won't have to lie."

"What stupid question, I just asked why?"

Santana avoided my gaze and deeply sighed, slowly speaking up, "Just trust me. You'll understand the reason someday, but now, I just need you to do me the favor."

Opening my mouth, I wanted to refuse her and demand an acceptable answer to my question, but the way Santana looked so genuine and thoughtful made me trust her without wanting to. I couldn't doubt her. She never gave me a reason not to trust her.

She had trusted me enough to let me help her getting Brittany back and she had bared so much of herself to me that day in the auditorium. Now it was time to show her that I trusted her enough to tell me what to do without knowing the consequences.

"My mission?" I jokingly asked.

"Just stay with Quinn the moment it's New Year."

My eyes widening, I stared at Santana with a disbelieving look, but she just answered me with an eye roll.

"Is that so hard to understand?"

"No, I – I can't, what about _him_?"

That was when Santana let out an evil chuckle, lowly saying, "Don't worry about him, I got it handled. Or rather, the alcohol's done the work."

Not wanting to inquire further about the legality of her actions, I simply shrugged and glanced at my watch. Quinn's present.

"Oh, it's New Year in ten minutes."

"Good. Q's in front of the house, we'll be in the backyard. Go," Santana muttered, leaving the basement. I slowly moved after her but went a different direction, blindly grabbing for jacket hanging on the clothes rack on my way out, putting it on. It happened to be a letterman jacket from the McKinley Titans, probably Puck's.

Stepping outside into the cold, clear night, my eyes immediately roamed for the figure of Quinn. And not a second later, I had her located, standing in the driveway by herself while the rest of the Glee Club was in Puck's backyard. My feet automatically took me to her, getting nearer and nearer until I stopped few feet away.

There was something magical about the way she stared off into the night sky and I couldn't help wishing that time would stand still. Just this once in my life, just for this moment, so I would have all the time in the world to take in the stunning beauty of Quinn Fabray.

I forgot how to breathe. A natural, human habit and I forgot how to do it.

Twinkling stars reflecting in her expressive eyes, the dim street lights engulfing her in a soft glow, a soft breeze gently brushing her hair over her shoulder.

All that bullshit about nobody was perfect, well, here you are, Quinn Fabray was as perfect as someone could be without becoming supernatural.

"How long do you plan on staring at me?"

Suddenly knowing how to breathe again, my chest heaved and deflated in a quick pace, and I felt something inside of me heating up with an inexplicable rush of adrenaline.

"Forever," I lowly said and I had meant it, but the soft laughter I received told me that Quinn had taken it for a joke. I didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed.

"Five minutes to go," the blonde whispered, her eyes not wavering from the night sky, my eyes not wavering from her. I closely watched her expression, memorizing the peaceful look on her face. She looked so content.

"Have you made some resolutions?" she asked me and her silky voice prickled down my spine, making me involuntarily shiver. I cleared my throat.

"No," I sighed, "No use. I already know that I won't keep one single promise."

Quinn slowly turned to face me and I felt the corners of my mouth automatically curving up into a sappy smile. Seemed like this expression was reserved only for her. Only she was able to bring out this side of me.

"You seem to have a certain dislike for things that require commitment," she remarked with a lopsided smile and I grinned back like a fool before I even registered the meaning of her words. When I realized it, I formed an 'Oh' mouth and my smile dropped slightly.

"It's not true," I objected in a calm voice, locking my eyes with hers, "I'm committed to our friendship, aren't I?"

A small smile appeared on Quinn's pretty face and the glint in her eyes made me forget for a moment what we were talking about.

"Four minutes," she whispered, her white, even teeth standing out in the dark. She turned her head to the night sky again, blinking her eyes several times. I openly stared at her and I didn't feel the need to hide it because I knew that the blonde was quite aware of it. She had this soft, knowing smile and she wore this only for me. Letting me know that it was okay to stare at her, that she didn't mind me watching her. And it made my heart race faster than it already did.

"What about you? What are your resolutions for next year?" I asked her and took one step closer to her, yet still not near enough to be able to reach her even if I stretched out my arm.

Quinn bit on her bottom lip, immediately drawing the focus of my eyes there and I subconsciously took one more step closer to her.

"The same as last year. And some new ones," she said after a while, shortly glancing at the night sky before she faced me with twinkling eyes again. I couldn't understand her fascination with the night sky. Her eyes were so much more fascinating.

"And they are...?" I playfully trailed off, but the blonde shook her head with a smile, not taking the bait.

"I won't tell you until you've made at least one resolution for yourself," she teasingly said, shyly ducking her head as she shuffled a little bit closer to me. I felt a sudden impulse of wanting to run away, but my feet wouldn't allow it, heavy as an anchore, keeping me in place.

"How about – trying not to get into a juvie?" I half-heartedly offered, my eyes tracing the lines of her elegant cheekbones. I fiercely pushed down the urge to do the same with my fingers. Without realizing it, my feet took a hesitant step towards the blonde, now two feet away from her.

Quinn lightly laughed, but shook her head, saying, "No, it doesn't count. I want you to make a real resolution. A promise that you really want to keep. Something that is important enough for you to fight for it."

I didn't have to think twice about it. I didn't have to think at all, it just came out of my mouth and nothing sounded more natural than this plain answer.

"Us."

Hazel eyes widening, I watched the way Quinn's features changed from amused to surprised, touched and speechless. I mischievously grinned at her and shot a quick glance at my watch. My eyes lingered on the _R&Q_ engraving.

"Three minutes," I lightly said, looking up again.

"Did you – do you mean it?" Quinn asked, her voice so low that I could barely hear her, but my ears seemed to be extra sensitive when it came to her.

"Have I ever said something I didn't mean before?" I replied with one raised eyebrow, not noticing how the blonde had shortened the distance between us by one step.

"I want to hear it again," she breathed and again, I had difficulties to understand her, but I managed to catch on.

"Give me your hands," I softly demanded and took her outstretched hands into mine. I stroked the back of her hands with my thumbs and took a deep breath, calming myself down.

Just friends holding hands. Nothing more.

"I, Rachel Fantastic Berry, promise you, Quinn Gorgeous Fabray, to never ever let there be no 'us' in the future," I solemnly said and squeezed her hands to underline my words. I didn't even notice the corniness of my resolution anymore, Quinn's dazzling smile made me ignore a lot of unimportant things. Like the way she took a small step towards me.

"You're unbelievable," she giggled and before I realized it, she had our fingers intertwined.

Intertwined.

She might have done this with me before, but now, I couldn't help reading too much into it. And that was where I asked myself, read what? What was I hoping out of it?

"So I've heard," I lowly said without my usual air of arrogance and I surprised myself with my newfound sense of tact.

"Mhm, then it must be true, huh? My Ms Incredible," Quinn teasingly said, tilting her head in this cute and shy manner, looking at me through half-lidded eyes, batting her long, thick eye-lashes.

She had me so dumbfounded that I didn't notice her moving in to me, now only a foot distance between our bodies. She tightened her grip on my hands, flexing her fingers, deliciously squeezing mine in the process.

I fought very hard not to let out a moan.

"Two minutes," the blonde breathed with a smile. She kept shooting me playful gazes, which kept leaving me speechless. She would abashedly look down, then shyly glance at my lips, then at the ground again before she directly gazed into my eyes, looking straight into my soul.

And I wanted her to stop doing that, stop playing with my head, but at the same time, it was so exhilarating that I'd give anything to keep this moment lasting forever.

"So I've told you my resolution," I managed to whisper, though my voice sounded quite hoarse, "Now tell me one of yours. The most important one."

Quinn bit on her bottom lip again. I almost whimpered.

"I want to become Junior Prom Queen."

I slowly shook my head, giving her a small smile. "No, Quinn. A real resolution."

She laughed lightly at these familiar words and I continued, "Something about yourself. Something that only you can have effect on, not what others get to choose."

The blonde thoughtfully looked up to the stars, staring above my head. I watched how the dim street lights illuminated her whole face, giving her an angelic, golden glow. Her skin was flawless.

"I want to...I want to be able to accept myself," she finally said and looked at me again, wanting to see my reaction. I gave her an encouraging smile, nodding to her. So she continued slowly, "I just want to be comfortable with myself. With my inner self. I want to learn to be myself and not to care about others' oppinions."

She was torn and her inner conflict ripped me apart as well.

All this time, I prided myself on being a close friend of Quinn besides Santana and Brittany, but in the end, I felt like not knowing a damn thing about her. How come that I had never realized that she had troubles concerning her inner self? Sure, she had given me a taste of her inner insecurity a long time ago when I had complimented on her looks and she had been too self-conscious to believe me.

But I just couldn't understand what could be possibly so bad about her that she had a hard time accepting herself. She was such an amazing character and okay, she had some minor flaws, like those inexplicable tendencies to snap at every girl who approached me in the hallways when her and I were talking, but that could be easily overlooked.

"One minute to go!" someone shouted in the distance and the loud voice of Puck startled us both, making us bump into each other. But instead of pulling away, our bodies stayed pressed together and our hands remained intertwined. Our faces were now only inches apart and a sudden feeling of déjà vu overwhelmed me, over and over again. Only now did I realize that we had been in this position far too often than a normal friendship allowed.

"Quinn," I said, lowering my voice to make it sound as meaningful as I could and now that she was so near, there was no doubt that she could hear every single hushed word, "Quinn, listen to me. _I _accept you. I'll accept you for who you are, nothing will ever change our friendship."

The blonde let out a shaky breath and I could feel the gentle breeze of it on my lips. I could almost taste it.

"I mean it, Quinn. I'd be your friend even if you were a mass murderer or a werewolf or a vampire or whatever strange, scary and mystical creature. It wouldn't matter. If you ever have doubts about yourself, just know that I'll be there. There to accept you the way you are."

"TEN!"

Somewhere in the distance, the bundled voices of the Glee members were starting the countdown.

Quinn's lips were trembling, a touched smile on her face as she stared at me wide, misty eyes, trying to digest what I had said.

"NINE!"

I felt my own lips quivering and they formed a genuine smile, saving me the words, 'You know that I mean it. And you know you can rely on me.'

"EIGHT!"

Quinn blinked several times and her eyes were dry again, suddenly giving me a glowing look. I gulped.

"SEVEN!"

I felt it more than I saw it. Us shortening the distance between our faces. Leaning in to each other. Inch by inch.

"SIX!"

Centimeter by centimeter.

"FIVE!"

Millimeter by millimeter.

"FOUR!"

Our foreheads softly touched and our eyes locked. I felt electrified by this deep connection, the rush of adrenaline returning, setting my whole body on fire and I was burning up. Burning up with desire.

"THREE!"

I watched Quinn's eye lids slowly fluttering shut and I could clearly feel her breath on my lips now. I could taste her strawberry breath. My own eyes closed. This tension was killing me.

"TWO!"

Our noses brushed each other. We were still connected by our foreheads, by our bodies, by our hands. Her fingers twitched.

This sudden awareness of her touch made me feel alive, it reminded me of what was happening right now, it slapped me with all its force in my clueless face, leaving a burning bright handprint on my heart.

"ONE!"

I couldn't breathe. Numbness was spreading across my body. My brain started to freeze. My heart stopped beating. This was all happening too fast, too soon, too surreal.

The moment was coming, the moment where I could be kissing her. To lean in and capture her lips with mine, first an innocent contact of skin to skin, then slowly work my mouth against hers, nibbling on her bottom lip which I had wanted to do for a long time.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

But I didn't.

I didn't lean in and capture her lips with mine, I didn't nibble on her bottom lip as I had wanted to do for a long time. I did nothing.

The sound of thousand firecrackers exploding at the same time filled the night, reverberating in every corner of Lima, mercilessly hammering against our eardrums. The night sky full of bright stars had vanished behind thick layers of smoke and fireworks. The noises of people cheering, yelling and roaring with New Year's greetings made Lima come alive, even if just for tonight.

Everybody was busy celebrating the New Year.

And I still did nothing.

"Happy New Year," I shakily breathed against Quinn's lips instead, keeping my eyes closed.

"Happy New Year," I felt more than heard her whisper back.

And in this moment, I wished so many things that I had never wished before.

I wished to be clueless, to be dumb, to be oblivious, to be deaf. I wished for a lightning to struck me dead, a firework to land on my head, something, anything big to happen.

Anything that might have saved me from thinking that Kate had been right.

Anything that might have saved me from regretting that I hadn't kissed her.

Anything that might have saved me from hearing the disappointment in Quinn's voice.

* * *

><p><strong>Before you kill me, I can explain! :D<strong>

**No, not really, not without spilling a part of the plot... XP**

**I promise to make it up with the next chapter - The Valentine's Day chapter: Humor, fluff and Part I of The Finchel Face-Off (in other words, Finn getting bashed by Ray)**


	19. Chapter 19

**Many of you could understand why Ray didn't kiss Quinn on NYE and I'm glad I'm still in one piece :D  
>Things are slowly getting deeper, patience guys ;)<strong>

* * *

><p>Time went by so fast, I had just blinked this once and another six weeks had passed, now being in mid February.<p>

No, I didn't forget what had happened on New Year's Eve. I just liked to block out this memory because it obviously had only been a 'heat of the moment' thing, I mean, everybody would've gotten second thoughts about kissing your best friend on New Year's Eve with their face just one inch away.

It was the loose athmosphere, the star filled night sky and the romantical glow of the dim street lights that tricked my mind into wanting to lean in and kiss Quinn. But I was glad that I hadn't done it, it would've been wrong on so many levels. She had been so insecure in that moment, she had only been seeking for acceptance and someone to care for her. Not someone to take advantage of her vulnerable state.

And friends didn't kiss each other on New Year's Eve. Maybe only friends with benefits and maybe only a peck on the mouth, but not a real kiss. This just wasn't what good friends were supposed to do with each other and we had already passed that age where we could call it 'only experimenting'.

No, it had just been an intense moment between friends. And I guess that Quinn saw it that way, too, since this...this almost-kiss, almost mistake had never been mentioned between us again.

_What about the disappointment in her voice?_

She had just been disappointed that she hadn't been able to kiss her freaking boyfriend that night.

I still wondered what Santana had done to him, I hadn't seen him on New Year's Eve at all.

Anyway, the school term had started again. School was still boring, the teachers were still lame, the lessons...no need to explain it further as we all had been there, done that. Or still were in the middle of this shit, like me.

I didn't know where to start. It wasn't like that many things had happened, but at the same time, everything had changed. I felt it. I slowly turned into someone different. Someone I had always feared of becoming. Someone with a conscience and a heart.

Just two weeks ago, I had turned down an easy lay with one of the hottest girls in McKinley High, a Cheerio as well. She was Santana's replacement and quite up the pyramid, not to mention her super model looks.

But I just couldn't accept her – admittedly, very tempting – offer because her cheerleader uniform reminded me too much of Quinn and I wasn't able to look at her without thinking of my blonde friend. And it would be super awkward if I tried kissing that Cheerio and suddenly saw Quinn instead, so I let it be and gently rejected her.

"_You're – you're blowing me off?"_

"_I'm sorry, please don't take it personal. You're really pretty, but I just don't feel like it."_

"_Oh, now come on, don't play hard to get."_

"_I'm not, I just think that you deserve better than a one-night stand."_

_Girl swooning. "Gosh, you're so hot when you're all charming. I won't give up on us, see you around." Sultry wink._

So I basically just made it worse for myself. Even though that girl was off my back now, the new rumor about me suddenly becoming Princess Charming had spread like wildfire and now, I had to deal with this on a daily basis. And it usually went like this (I'm gonna strip down the conversations to the basic messages):

"_I wanna fuck you."_

"_Nah, you're better than that."_

"_Now I wanna fuck you more for refusing me."_

And it was exhausting. Santana was getting jealous of all the attention I received, Puck being Puck was simply impressed and wanted to learn how I did that, Mike was just amused and sometimes helped me to get rid of the 'fangirls' as he liked to call them, and Quinn, well, she was not that enthusiastic about this new development.

Even when I had tried to reassure her that the rumors were true, that I was only being nice and not using this as a new tactic to get into anyone's pants, she had been particularly snippy the last few days. But only when other girls were around, openly leering at me.

Even cheerleader practice became a tense affair, at least for me. I sometimes had the urge to jump into the showers as well after a training because I wanted to wash the slimy trail of lecherous gazes off my body. When the Cheerios used to secretly ogle my legs in my short shorts, they now didn't even try to hide it.

No, quite on the contrary, they would pointedly look at them and let out a stupid giggle, then turn to their friends and giggle with them together, all the while shooting me hopeful glances. I would raise one eyebrow at them and they would burst out in high-pitched squeals, quickly turning away like it hadn't been their intention to gain my attention and to get a reaction out of me in the first place.

Girls.

And it didn't help that Quinn somehow had become quite harsh on them, making all the foolishly giggling Cheerios run more laps, do more exercises, placing them at the bottom of the pyramid. It resulted in me having to soothe them, telling them that the blonde was just having a hard time and that I would talk her out of it. Without intending to, it made them only swoon over me more because I always gave them pep talks about how amazing they were and all.

I wanted to slap myself in the face, hard. I got caught up in a never ending doom loop. What was the point of being nice about rejecting girls if it only resulted into more persistent attempts to make me go out with them?

Anyway, I was pretty sure that I had never turned down so many dates before, there were even some boys who had the nerve to ask me out. When one particular jock hadn't been able to cope well with rejection, he had tried to grab my ass and I had shoved him against the lockers, hitting his stupid head with a locker door, five times. He was only lucky that Quinn had chosen that moment to pull me away from him or he would've gotten hit ten times. He had passed out after the third hit anyway.

"_Wha – what, Quinn! Just let me smash his fucking head one more time-"_

"_Rachel, stop, you need to calm down, what if a teacher saw you!"_

"_He tried to grab my ass!"_

"_What?" Pauses. Turns to unconscious jock. "You filthy scumbag, how dare you -"_

"_Quinn! You need to calm down, what if a teacher sees you!"_

I had to be honest with you. Angry Quinn was so hot to look at, especially when her rage wasn't directed at me.

* * *

><p>Guess what day today was? February the 14th.<p>

That's right, it was freaking Valentine's Day, and all the hallways and the classrooms of McKinley High were decorated in bright, red colors with paper hearts hanging off every wall and door. It made me sick, really, I just couldn't understand the sense of this whole 'giving each other roses' deal.

What was Valentine's Day for? A reason for couples to go out, have a nice, fancy dinner and spend the night with each other? Why did they need a reason to do all these things, couldn't they give each other presents and roses on other days?

If you thought about it more, Valentine's Day was a whole lot of bullshit because this was the only day where couples were allowed to be openly mushy with each other. No, not allowed, they were _supposed _to flaunt their _perfect _relationship in public. It was a must for them to go out that day, to have dinner in a fancy restaurant, to watch a corny romance movie. They just had to celebrate it somehow, no couple could get around it.

I always thought that if you really loved someone, you wouldn't need a stupid, special day as a reason to shower your partner with love and affection, you would do it everyday. It would be a natural thing to do, you wouldn't need Valentine's Day to remind you to appreciate your partner. What was the difference of declaring your love on a Valentine's Day or on any other day of the year, didn't it mean all the same? Or did the other 'I love you's mean less on other days?

Maybe I didn't possess an ounce of a romantic heart, but at least I kept it real. I saw Valentine's Day for what it was; a measure to boost the florist's business, to get more people into restaurants and cinemas and so on...

Sitting in my last class, my mind had drifted off to endless thoughts. I hadn't dared to fall asleep because I wanted to avoid waking up to heart-shaped chocolate boxes towering on my desk. It had happened in the first lesson and I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.

Maybe Quinn liked chocolate?

I grinned at no one particular as I imagined the blonde starting to rant about how she had to keep her diet or she'd become too fat to stand on top of the cheerleader pyramid. She would put her hands on her hips and give me a stern look, explain me all the unhealthy things in a chocolate until I would stop her by putting a finger to her lips, chuckling. Then she would pout and I would laugh, telling her that she was cute and she'd blush, retorting, 'And you're annoying'. And we would simply stare at each other, the traces of our smiles still faint on our lips, eyeing the other with a glint in our eyes.

A dreamy sigh startled me awake from my musings and with my eye vision clearing, I realized that I had been accidentally grinning at some girl sitting across me. She obviously had been staring at me the whole time I had been dreaming.

Quickly facing away, I nervously shuffled with my feet and pretended to listen to the teacher.

Damn, this had to be the fifth time I had given out the wrong signals, all because I was so lost in a day-dream. Damn Dream-Quinn who made all sorts of funny things, making me grin like a fool without intending to or realizing it.

See, this was why Valentine's Day sucked. Girls were now more sensitive than ever, they'd mistake every tiny, little grin, which wasn't even directed at them, for a grand gesture of flirting, foreplay even. Really bad.

To make matters worse, when I had opened my locker this morning, I had almost drowned in the flood of pink Valentine's Cards bursting out. And the large, anticipating audience of eager girls hadn't made things easier as I had been torn between picking up the cards out of respect for them or just run away, screaming in madness. I had been really tempted to pull the latter stunt.

The decision had been made for me when Quinn had popped up out of nowhere and dragged me along with her to Spanish class. I had been so glad that I had gotten out of this embarrassing situation somehow, that I hadn't even noticed the tight grasp on my hand.

So, for today, Puck and I had decided to celebrate it our own way. We had planned to hang out at Breadstix after the Glee meeting and eat away all their food so the couples there on their date wouldn't have anything to eat. Not that it would work. But we would try anyway, knowing our stupidness to attempt things which were near to impossible.

The school bell rang, announcing the end of the last regular class. I shouldered my backpack and lazily strode to the choir room, heading to the Glee Club meeting since it was a Tuesday. Valentine's Day, I reminded myself and cringed.

Pushing open the door to the choir room, I took a moment to just stand there and grimace at the Valentine's decoration before I moved again, pacing to the risers to sit in the last row. I was first to arrive here and I wondered how that could be possible. Was I actually punctual for once in my life?

"Hi, Rachel," a falsetto voice cheerily greeted me, followed by the sound of a door closing. I waved at Kurt with a small smile and he grinned back, walking up to me to take a seat next to me.

"You're early," he stated, looking surprised.

"You're late," I retorted and lightly tapped my watch, which caught his eyes.

"Is it new? Mhm, I have to say, you've got a good taste."

"Oh, no," I sheepishly laughed, "this is my Christmas present from Quinn. She chose this watch for me."

"Oh," Kurt's eyebrows rose in surprise, "this explains the R and Q engraving."

"Yeah," I trailed off, my mind loosing focus and I watched the choir room door open once again, revealing Tina and Artie as they made their way in. My mouth formed a cordial smile, but I didn't register them greeting me as I got lost in thoughts.

The initials R&Q engraved in the case of my watch. A sudden déjà vu feeling overwhelmed me, an image of the letters _Q&R _flashed before my eyes and was gone before I could realize it, leaving me confused and restless. I swore that I had seen this engraving somewhere before, only in the right alphabetical order since Q came before R. But I just couldn't remember where I had seen it before, it had only been a brief, indifferent glance and now I wished I had looked more closely.

"Hey, Rach," a cheerful voice stopped my trains of thoughts and I looked up with a programmed smile.

"Mike," I greeted, "Valentine's Day got you dancing?"

The asian boy grinned and did a swift 360 turn on his heels, finishing it off with a suggestive pelvic thrust. "I'm always in the mood for dancing."

I lightly laughed and bumped fists with him, watching him walk off to take a seat next to Tina. When he looked at me over his shoulder, I gave him a thumbs-up and mouthed, 'Go get 'em, Karate Kid'.

"A Christmas present, you say?" Kurt started and I looked at him in confusion, for one moment not understanding what he was talking about. "The watch," he added. I slowly nodded, mouthing 'Ah'.

"And I believe that Quinn got a...?" he deliberately trailed off, wanting to seem polite but he wasn't able to cover up his curiosity. I shrugged my shoulders and simply replied, "A guitar."

"A guitar?" the boy repeated in disbelief and I gravely nodded, already expecting the next question.

"A branded guitar, I believe?"

I nodded again and I could almost feel Kurt buzzing with curiosity next to me, seeing him lean in to me.

"You may disagree with me when I say this," he started, making me eye him with raised eyebrows, "but it is too obvious to deny. You and Quinn are -"

"Hey, BRO!"

Startled, Kurt and I turned our heads to the door again, forgetting what the boy had intended to say. Puck had just entered the room and in his hands, a large bouquet of roses. I didn't even want to know what he wanted to do with these.

"You gotta take a look at this!" he said and though I couldn't see his face behind all the roses, I could hear the amusement in his voice. Why was he amused?

The fellow Glee clubbers had stopped their conversations and were watching with curiosity as well when Puck put the bouquet on the piano and let out a sigh of relief.

"Been scratching my face the whole time I held them," he mumbled, before his trademark smirk returned to his face and he grinned at me.

"I know that grin," I said with a lopsided smile and he chuckled, shaking his head.

"These, in fact, are for you, babe," he replied and I frowned at him. When he saw my expression, he quickly added, "Not from me, I'm too badass for stuff like this. No, some girls paid me to bring them to you. Easiest twenty dollars I've ever earned."

I sighed and leaned back in my seat, unenthusiastically muttering, "Put them away."

I heard Kurt next to me letting out a disbelieving gasp. "You don't want to keep them?"

"They don't mean a thing," I shruggingly replied, taking an impatient look at my watch. Where was the rest of the Glee club?

When I didn't hear an answer from Kurt, I turned to him to see what was wrong, but his eyes were lingering on my watch and they had a knowing glint in them. Cluelessly raising my eyebrows, I turned to Puck again.

"You can use them if you want. Woo some girls," I told him, but he waved me off with a smirk. "The Puckster doesn't need roses to woo any girl."

"Roses?" a light, bubbly voice piped up and all eyes landed on the tall, always cheerful blonde who had just entered the room, pulling a grimacing Latina with her by the hand.

"San gave me roses, too! Like, lots of them, so many that I couldn't even count them," Brittany brightly said and made her girlfriend blush a bright red.

"Aww," I loudly cooed, bringing my hands to my heart, "Sanny, you're such a romantic, I'm jealous. What do you two have planned for your Valentine's Date?"

"Going to my favorite pond, feeding the ducks with chocolate hearts," Brittany happily sighed and looked at Santana with adoration in her blue eyes. It was so cute that I didn't dare to ask them if ducks would even eat chocolate. And how the blonde had managed to convince Santana going with her in the first place.

Puck and I shared a knowing smirk over the lovey dovey couple and made gagging noises when they tenderly kissed.

"Guys, sorry I'm late."

We watched Mr Schuester entering the choir room, followed by a beaming Mercedes and a grinning Matt, both giving each other shy glances before they took their respective seats in the risers.

"Let's not waste more time," Schuester said, clapping his hands and the standing Glee members trotted to the risers to take their seats. "Now, where are Quinn and -"

"Sorry, Mr Schue, but we got held up."

Immediately straightening myself in my seat, I watched how my best friend strode in with her stupid boyfriend trailing behind her and I knew at once that something wasn't right. But I guess everybody who had eyes could see that.

Finn, all confused, which wasn't new, took a seat in the first row and crossed his arms to sulk.

Quinn, her eyes narrowed in irritation and her whole body language just screaming 'pissed-off', stiffly strode to the risers, searching for a place to sit.

"Hey," I softly called out, barely audible, but the blonde looked up anyway. Her expression softened at my sight and I smiled at her, pointing to the left seat next to me, since the right one was occupied by Kurt.

I wanted to ask her what was wrong the moment she sat down, but being a considerate friend, I kept my distance and gave her a smile, wordlessly expressing, 'When you're ready'. Her eyes brightening, she smiled back and turned to face Mr Schue to listen to him. Involuntarily, I did the same.

"It's Valentine's Day, guys, so let's spread some loving and hear some good love songs!" our Glee director exclaimed with a grin, making half of the members groan unenthusiastically and the other half squeal in excitement. "Who wants to start?"

Brittany was the first one to jump out of her seat, pulling Santana with her, happily announcing, "Everybody knows that lately, I've been living my teenage dream." Turning to her girlfriend, her voice became softer as she continued, "And you know you are _my_ teenage dream."

Everybody in the choir room 'awww'ed, even I couldn't stop my sappy sigh dropping out of my mouth, which made Puck turn around in his seat and give me a blank stare.

"Softie," he mouthed, now a grin on his face and I scoffed, though I couldn't shoot anything disarming back. Mainly because he was right. I did become a softie after all, you just couldn't expect me to stay all badass when a Quinn Fabray had me on her leash. Wait, that sounded way more ambiguous than I had intended to...

So, after Brittany and Santana had performed their own rendition of 'Teenage Dream', which involved lots of longing looks, lingering touches and cheesy smiles, they bowed to the whistling and applause, and took their seats again, hands intertwined and constantly giggling.

"Can I do the next song?"

My eyes quickly darted from the two lovestruck cheerleaders to Finnie Pooh who had raised his giant paw.

No, you can't, I innerly growled in irritation. I really didn't want to hear him trying to serenade Quinn with stupid love songs and she was sitting besides me, so how could I throw a shoe at him and let it seem like an accident? Not that it would look like an accident if she didn't sit besides me, but hey, who was I to think of logical consequences.

"Sure," Schuester shortly replied and I wanted to strangle him.

Finnwit stood up and turned to us, searching for eye contact with Quinn, but she defiantly raised her chin and avoided his pleading gaze. It made me want to laugh with glee.

"It's for you, Quinn," he said and cleared his throat, starting to sing acapella, "_Would you dance, if I asked you to dance."_

I slowly turned to face Kurt and his open mouthed expression confirmed me that I wasn't imagining things.

"_Would you tremble if I touched your lips_"

"Oh, hell to the no," I heard Mercedes mutter and I watched her covering her eyes with one hand. I felt like doing the same, but out of pure respect for Quinn, I didn't, so I slowly sank lower in my chair and looked the other way. I really wanted to know what the blonde was thinking right now.

"_Would you die for the one you love_"

Maybe this wasn't the song I thought it was. Maybe they all just sounded the same, there was no way he would be -

"_I can be your hero, baby, I can kiss away the pain_"

Yeah, well, damn. It was even worse now that it was real. He was seriously singing 'Hero' by Enrique Iglesias.

Puck slowly turned around in his seat, running a hesitant hand through his mohawk as we shared our favorite look that we often used in our Chemistry class.

"What the fuck," Santana verbalized it for us, unintentionally.

Not able to resist one glance to see what Quinn was thinking about this – let's call it _extraordinary _song choice, I peeked at her out of the corner of my eyes. And quickly closed my eyes, suppressing the urge to burst out in joyful laughter and roll on the floor, hammering with my fists against the ground. It was freaking. Hilarious.

Eye lids fluttering in disbelief, cheeks reddening in embarrassment, eyes nervously flickering, mouth drawn into a tight line. Quinn Embarrassed Fabray.

The oaf finished his song and received polite clapping and that only from Matt and Mike because they were too nice for their own good, not wanting to hurt their fellow jock's feelings. The rest of the Glee club was simply staring at him, waiting for him to suddenly exclaim, 'Just kidding'. Well, it didn't come. And I didn't think it would be a funny joke.

It became tense in the choir room as that airhead took his seat to continue sulking because Quinn hadn't given him the honour of an acknowledging glance, not even a sneer. Not wanting to let the Glee meeting suffer under his Finncompetence, I shot up from my seat and jumped off the risers, pacing to the piano where a guitar was leaning against it. I took the guitar and strapped it over my shoulder, facing the Gleeks with a bright grin.

"So, last year's summer break, I've been spending the first two weeks in Europe and I've stayed for four days in London. There's this catchy song that I heard in the radio and I wanna share it with you," I said with a lopsided smile.

My eyes catching Quinn's, I winked at her and started to strum the guitar in an upbeat pattern, beginning with, "_I can see you're not yourself, even when you're here with me, I know that you so well._"

The blonde's mouth twitched and she raised one eyebrow, but I knew that she knew what I meant. She was too smart to not figure it out on her own whereas I needed my time to sort things out.

Getting to the pre-chorus, I sang, "_So put another record on, play it on repeat. Nothing really matters when we're dancing._"

Breaking eye contact with her, I strutted around with self-confidence oozing off my every pore, singing, "_Cause all you ever need to know, is what you do to me, that everytime you hold me close, my heart skips, skips a beat._"

Mike shot up from his seat and started grooving to the music, making Matt jump up as well, mimicing his asian buddy's dance moves. Both dancing in sync made Brittany want to join them and she stepped on her seat, letting her hips roll to the music, giving Santana a perfect view up her skirt since she sat next to her. Smirking to myself, I strummed the guitar louder and sang the chorus.

"_So come on, spin me around, I don't wanna go home cause when you hold me like this, you know my heart skips, skips a beat._"

I didn't know why, but I felt the urge to look at Quinn again, just to see her reaction. Or just to see her at all. But I didn't.

"_I know I should, but I can't leave it alone, 'cause when you hold me like this, you know my heart skips, skips a beat._" I sang and closed my eyes for a short moment, suddenly realizing that these words fitted my situation quite well. Oh, damn.

By the time I got to the second chorus, everybody was standing now and cheerily clapping along, the earlier tension in the room completely forgotten. Only Finnpotent still sat slouched in his chair, sulking and shooting Quinn huffy glances, which she gracefully chose to ignore by directing her whole attention on me. And it made my ego soar higher than the clouds.

I was the one receiving a bright smile from Quinn Fabray, not him. I was the one who made her smile like this and not him.

_I am the one. Not him._

Confused at my own sudden thought that seemed to come out of nowhere, I almost forgot my text, but then I remembered that I only needed to sing, "_Oh oh oh_"

I let the last note ring out before I bowed to the applause and cheering, the trademark smirk apparent on my face. Puck sharply whistled with two fingers in his mouth, making Mercedes pull a grimace since she was standing right in front of him. I chuckled at this, almost missing a figure fleeing the choir room, wanting to make a quiet exit as the other Gleeks were now loosened up, lost in their own world as they started singing a song acapella.

_Hell no, you're not going anywhere._

Quickly unstrapping the guitar, I carelessly placed it against the piano, hurrying after the large figure out of the choir room.

"Hey, where do you think you're going!" I called after Quinn's dumb boyfriend who had tried to leave as quickly as he could. Barely sparing me a glance over his shoulders, he kept pacing.

No way. Ignoring me was never a good idea.

I rummaged in my jeans pockets, taking out a piece of chalk that my Physics teacher had thrown at me this morning when I had fallen asleep in his lesson. Needless to say that I had thrown back with a box of chocolate that conveniently had been on my desk. Unimportant to mention that this was how I got my thirteenth detention this year, which would be at the same time the thirteenth detention I wouldn't be attending.

Anyway, don't ask me why I pocketed this piece of chalk, but it came in handy right now.

"OUCH!"

Whipping around, Finnwit stopped in his attempt to flee the school and rubbed the back of his head, pulling a grimace as he exclaimed in annoyance, "What was that for?"

"For you being you," I calmly replied, walking up to him. "Don't pussy around, it's just a piece of chalk. I would've thrown my phone if I had it with me."

His mediocre features contorted into anger and confusion as he slowly hissed, "Why are you being so mean?"

"Why are you being so dumb?" I mocked back, adopting a squeaky baby voice.

Finnept just blankly stared back, lack of understanding all over his clueless, stupid face. "What have I ever done to you?"

Loudly sighing, I pointedly looked away and nonchalantly said, "It's not what you've done, Finnie Pooh." Facing him again to give him a sneer, I continued, "It's what you haven't done. And that's quite a lot."

"I'm not following."

"Nothing new then," I sighed, watching his face gaining an unhealthy color. He threw his hands up in his air, loudly exclaiming, "Just – just tell me what's your problem with me!"

"I want to," I honestly said before my mouth curved into a malicious smirk, "but I don't know where to begin, there are just too many."

The Ogre of Doom and Disaster, short TODD, let out a pathetic groan, bordering a whine, and turned to walk away, but I grabbed him by his letterman jacket and roughly pulled him back, making him stumble over his clumsy feet and I watched him falling on his knees. Grabbing the collar of his shirt, I forced him to face me.

My previous sneer was gone, replaced by a calm and indifferent look, my cold eyes piercing into his piggy eyes as I looked down on him.

He gulped in fear.

"Let's have a talk, from girl to girl," I lowly whispered in a sharp tone and it made him flinch, but I just tightened my grip on the collar of his shirt, "And don't even try to lie, you fail at it as much as you fail at everything that requires wit."

Todd simply blinked.

"Quinn's upset. Why?" I shortly asked, thinking that this was the easiest way to get an answer out of him. Simple and direct.

"I don't know," Todd replied in exasperation, shaking his head, "she said she was fine when I tried calming her down."

Oh boy. He was so – for lack of better words, so _primitive__._ To infinity and beyond.

Never believe a girl when she says she's fine after you've done something to upset her. They never mean it, it's more of a sign to quickly do something dramatically generous and nice to gain their affection again or it's so game over for you.

Massaging my temple, I shortly closed my eyes before I continued to ask in a seemingly calm voice when I was shaking with anger inside, "You tried calming her down. Why?"

"She was angry at me."

That much I figured.

"Why," I gritted out between my teeth, slowly loosing my patience.

"I, uh, I forgot that today is Valentine's Day-"

_Ouch. That's bad._

"- so I forgot to give her a rose. But I gave her a pink paper heart, girls like that, don't they?"

_Not if it's torn off the decoration of a classroom and a lame make up present for forgetting the rose, then no._

"I mean, I had to improvise, so I took it off the decoration of a classroom."

_Leave it all to The Ogre of Doom and Disaster to ruin just about everything._

"- and I tried making it all better by offering her to kiss me-"

"Gosh, Todd, just – just shut up already, my lunch is trying to say hello to daylight."

"My name's not To-"

"Shut up."

I had to think. So he forgot Valentine's Day. Then I was rather interested in hearing what his plans were to make it all up, he would have to win Quinn over with a super good date. I innerly cringed at this thought.

"Tell me your plans for your date," I lowly said, not knowing why I was torturing myself. I really didn't want to know what he wanted to do with Quinn, it was just – gross.

"Oh," was the glorious answer from Finnie.

"What 'oh'? As in, 'Oh, I have no plans' or 'Oh, I just pissed in my pants'?" I impatiently said, pulling at his collar.

"We're not going on a date today," he mumbled into his shirt and I pushed him lightly, "Why not?"

"I said I forgot Valentine's Day, okay? So I've already bought tickets for a football match in Cleveland. Which starts in three hours. Can I go now, please?"

The sound of my hand slapping against my forehead reverberated in the empty hallway and I slowly dragged my hand down my face, groaning and hissing and cursing.

Drawing a deep breath, I let go of Finn's collar and took a step back, shaking my head.

"You just don't get it, do you?"

"Get what?"

I couldn't bring myself to look at him anymore. Everything about him disgusted me and made me angry, made me furious, made me – sad.

"You don't know how lucky your are," I slowly said, feeling the rage swelling in my voice, "having a girl like Quinn. You don't even fucking notice it."

"What? I do, I-"

"A girl like Quinn," I heavily said, not giving him the chance to make up a lame excuse, "deserves more than pink paper hearts."

"But I-"

"A girl like Quinn deserves more than being neglected on a Valentine's Day."

"But-"

"A girl like her deserves nothing but the best and if you can't even get her second-best, then _you_ don't deserve her."

It made Finnept finally shut up. His eyes wide open and his mouth agape, staring at me with a dumbstruck expression, which made me want to beat the crap out of him. I would have done it. But Quinn didn't condone violence.

"If I were as lucky as you to be able to call her my girlfriend, then I'd show her so."

"I do -"

"I'd give her everything she deserves, and more."

"I tried-"

"I'd never ditch her for anything, not for a stupid football game, not even if it was Super Bowl."

"But it's-"

"JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU STILL DON'T FUCKING GET IT!"

My voice boomed in the empty hallways, effectively drowning his feeble attempt to defend himself.

The way he didn't seem to understand me in the slightest, the way he just didn't get the point, just didn't learn, didn't _listen;_ it offended me more than any insult ever could, it riled me up, feeded my frustration, fueled my anger.

"You just don't fucking learn!" I yelled, now desperation lacing my voice, "You fucking don't know how lucky you are, you fucking can't appreciate what you got, everything's just – fuck!"

I stopped myself and turned away from Finn, feeling sick and torn and just downright – fucked up.

"Leave. Before I give in to my urge to fucking kill you on the spot," I weakly said, my voice lacking the threatening tone, but the message was clear and quickly understood. I heard feet shuffling, almost tripping, then hurrying off, running away.

I felt exhausted, drained, empty. Everything inside of me ached and screamed in pain, but I didn't know why, I didn't know where it all came from and it confused me to no end.

Shoving my hands into my jeans pockets, I walked down the hallway and searched for my locker. If I remembered correctly, then there would be my spare phone, for emergencies like this where I had forgotten my main phone at home.

When I had found my spare phone, I quickly typed two text messages, the first one to Puck.

_Sry, can't make it to Breadstix tonight. Next time dinner's on me._

The second text was directed at Quinn.

_Pick you up at 7. Be ready._

I had been tempted to write _It's a date _before I sent the message without the last few words.

I felt it. I slowly turned into someone different. Someone I had always feared of becoming.

And I couldn't stop it.

I couldn't bring myself to care.

* * *

><p><strong>Alright, it's Faberry date time.<strong>


	20. Chapter 20

**AN: Yes, I'm stretching the time line again - it's still Valentine's Day :D And this chapter is a crazy mix of fluff and meaningful stuff...**(and I'm just gonna ignore the worst marriage proposal ever, seriously, it's like so wrong on so many levels apart from the fact that they're still in high school) Sorry about the rant. **Enjoy. **(Listening to 'Without You' by Rachel/Lea on repeat during this chapter is recommended ;P)

* * *

><p>I would lie if I said I wasn't nervous. I would lie if I said that I had everything planned, everything under control. No, nothing was okay anymore, everything had sprung out of control and what I was about to do just confirmed it all.<p>

Once again, standing on the porch of the Fabrays, I felt my heart wildly pounding and about to jump out of my chest. I pondered on turning around and running away while I still could, but my feet wouldn't move.

And then it was too late.

"Hi, Rachel."

Quinn. Quinn standing right in front of me, her head questioningly tilted and a sweet smile on her lips. She looked amused as she crossed her arms expectantly and my eyes darted to her curve-hugging clothes, involuntarily swallowing.

"So, Rae, my mom and I made a bet on how long it would take for you to ring the bell. Guess who won?" the blonde said with a smirk, noticing the way my eyes drank her in. I quickly averted my gaze with a blush and cleared my throat, pulling out a flower from behind my back that I had kept hidden until now.

Quinn's eyes widened at the sight and her previous smirk turned into a touched smile. Pausing, she gave me an insecure look and I grinned at her, raising my hand with the flower a bit.

"What would Valentine's Day be without the perfect flower?" I lightly said, twirling the stem of the flower between my fingers. "Red roses are overrated. I don't want you to have something every other plain girl gets, so I went to the florist and got you – this one. A gardenia. Here."

I watched Quinn accepting the gardenia flower with trembling fingers like she was afraid that it would fall apart. She stared at it for a while, before she shyly looked up and timidly said, "Thank you."

I gave her a soft smile, shrugging, "You deserve it." _After everything that Finnept managed to screw up._

Stepping forward, she opened her arms to hug me and I happily let myself get locked into a tight embrace, contently humming into her hair.

"Just – please wait a moment, I want to put the gardenia into a vase. Then we can go," she mumbled into my ear and I stepped out of the embrace, hiding my frown at the loss of body contact with her.

Still standing outside the house on the porch, I patiently waited for her to return so we could leave for our – uh, not date, just friends going out.

I self-consciously stared down at myself, brushing flint off my black, waist-hugging blazer and I nervously tugged at the hem of my white shirt beneath it. Glancing at my watch, I saw that it was ten past seven now. Had I really been standing ten whole minutes in front of the house door?

Lowly groaning at the embarrassing fact that Judy and Quinn had witnessed me standing there like a fool, I shook my head at no one particular.

_Very smooth._

I was, still am, I defiantly thought. It was just that I lacked this attribute whenever it concerned a certain Fabray.

"Rach?"

Snapping out of my trance, I immediately gave Quinn a bright smile and offered her my arm like a gentleman. "Ready?"

She lightly laughed and linked her arm with mine, letting me guide her the short way to my car.

"Soo, where are we going?" the blonde curiously asked as I opened the passenger door for her. I just chuckled and made shooing motions to get her into the car.

"Patience, Quinn," I replied and shut the door before she could object. Walking around the car, I got in myself.

"I'm sorry, what?" the blonde said with a grin, her teasing smile was testing me.

Shaking my head at her impatience in amusemt, I turned on the engine and pulled the car out of the driveway.

"Come on, Racheeeel," Quinn whined, "don't be so mean to me."

"Quinnie, you of all should know that I just can't be mean to you."

"Psh!" Quinn gasped in mock-indignation, but the flattered undertone was easily distinguishable. "You always tease me and stop me when I want to talk about serious matters."

"Like what?"

"Your unhealthy obsession with coffee, for instance."

"Again, like what?"

"Rachel."

"Okay, okay. You got me. I pledge for guilty. I'm feeling ashamed. Now better?"

"Racheeeeee-"

"Alright, I get it. No teasing. But it's not my fault, I got addicted to coffee because of your mother, I swear, the coffee she makes is so good."

"You mean we have a good coffee machine."

"No, I'm saying that the Fabray charm is everywhere. Even in coffee. And I got addicted."

When Quinn didn't retort with a quick-witted reply, I shortly glanced to my side and quickly trained my eyes on the road again. I felt my throat suddenly getting dry and I wiggled in my seat, now only wanting to forget what I had seen.

It was that look. That glowing look. The same she had given me on New Year's Eve, the same that made my breath hitch and heart race faster.

"Why did you get me a gardenia?" Quinn suddenly asked, her voice more delicate and softer than ever.

"Because you're too special to only get a rose," I muttered after clearing my throat multiple times.

"No, I – god, Rachel, even when you give me the wrong answers you still can make them come out right somehow," Quinn breathily said and I scrunched up my eyebrows in confusion when she sighed and shook her head at herself.

"I want to know why exactly a gardenia? And not another flower, I don't know, a red tulip for example?"

So that was what she meant.

"To be honest," I started and sheepishly grinned, "the florist picked it out for me. She made me describe you and so I told her everything I knew about you. And then she gave me the most beautiful gardenia she could find and said that it would fit the description perfectly."

"So – you don't know what it means?" the blonde hesitantly asked and I frowned at the disappointed undertone in her voice.

"No," I admitted, "do you?"

"I – no, no I don't," she quietly replied, turning her head to face outside the window.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why didn't I look up what it meant before I had given it to her? Of course a girl like her would want to know what it meant and – holy shit, what if it meant something like 'I'm sorry I betrayed you' or even worse, 'I love you with all my heart'?

No, it couldn't be. I had explicitly told the florist that Quinn was a close friend and deserved something special, something simple yet elegant. Admittedly, I might have strayed away with a few funny stories about her, but the florist always reminded me to describe the blonde's character and not her looks or her cute habits or her – yeah, you know what I mean.

And when she had shown me the gardenia, I immediately thought that it was perfect because the white color of it looked so innocent and pure, just like Quinn. Well, maybe that innocent part wasn't a hundred percent applicable.

Though now that I thought about it, the florist had had this strange knowing smile when I had paid for the gardenia. Whatever.

"So I was thinking..." I started to get her to talk with me again.

"Oh oh."

Ignoring her light jab at me, I continued, "I was thinking about where to take you."

That caught the blonde's interest and she turned to face me again with a curious look.

"It wasn't that easy," I sighed, "there aren't that many fun places in Lima, except for my bedroom."

Quinn shot me a 'not-funny' glare and briskly said, "Don't think about getting started with your sexcapades."

I gasped in feigned hurt though I was smart enough to take her serious. She once had overheard me and Puck discussing over a girl, who was a freak in the sack and could bend her body like she was made of rubber. Let me tell you, one week of getting ignored by Quinn was the ultimate punishment for me. Never ever again.

But it was a long time ago. This year, I actually had no more sexcapades to tell. Well, no extraordinary ones.

"Quinn," I said after a while, "I've been using my bed for different activities for quite a while now."

"Like...?" Quinn skeptically trailed off.

"Lying on it all day, doing absolutely nothing."

"That's not an activity."

"True. I forgot to mention dreaming. I daydream a lot."

"You do?"

"Yes. About how different life in Lima is in comparison to New York."

Quinn slowly nodded before a small smile appeared on her face and she teasingly asked, "And do you dream about me?"

Was this a catch question? Did she expect me to say, 'Every second of my life'?

No. Too cheesy though it might be true.

"Only in nightmares," I replied with a cheeky grin and earned an indignant gasp for this answer, combined with a light slap on my shoulder.

"You have to hear me out, Quinn!" I laughingly exclaimed when she continued to glare at me, "There's always this monster trying to steal my breadsticks! And whenever he comes too near, you come out of nowhere and chase him away. And then you give me a hug and say that these breadsticks will forever be mine. And that's how you appear in my nightmares and turn them into sweet dreams."

I finished with my explanation, not able to see Quinn's reaction because we had arrived at the destination and I had to focus on where to park my car.

"You – I, oh Rachel, I can't even say how-"

"Ridiculous?" I offered.

"-cute that is."

I was tempted to drive against a tree so I wouldn't have to endure the sweet torture that was about to come. But I found myself parking next to one instead.

"If you want to mock me for the rest of the evening, we can stay here, unless you want to see what I've prepared for us tonight..."

And, _whoosh, _Quinn was gone within an eye-blink, leaving me sitting alone in the car with a smug smirk. Getting out of the car with a content hum, I saw the eager blonde staring up at the clear night sky with her mouth agape and eyes wide open, barely blinking. It was like she had never seen something like a night sky before when I knew she hadn't been able to tear her eyes off it the night on New Year's Eve.

"Chrm, Quinn, we're still not there yet," I slowly said in a low voice, not wanting to startle her as she seemed so lost in her own world, her head still tilted to the night sky.

She didn't move, she just kept gazing at the stars.

I went to open the trunk and pulled out a large picnic basket, shooting Quinn an insecure look. What if she didn't like it? What if she had expected me to take her somewhere more fancy, more special, more...I don't know.

Walking up to the blonde, I shyly reached for her hand with my free one which wasn't holding the basket. Softly tugging at her hand, I motioned her to follow me and together, we walked up a small hill.

"Do you know why I like the night sky so much? Especially when it's so crystal clear like tonight, with infinite stars to gaze up to?" Quinn suddenly said and I almost dropped the picnic basket when her expressive eyes found mine.

I shook my head with a dumbfounded stare.

"It's not because of the many star constellations and their stories. It's not because of the depth of the universe. I only like it for one reason, which might sound stupid and naive, but I believe in it."

Now she had me curious and worried at the same time. Worried that I wouldn't understand what she was trying to say.

"On the night where summer break ended, I looked out of my window and saw the clearest and brightest night sky I've ever seen. And in that moment, I didn't know why I did it, but I closed my eyes. And I wished for something to change."

Engrossed in her story, I hardly noticed how I started panting because the hill was quite steep.

Quinn closed her eyes for a short moment, like she was reliving this memory. And I could see it all vivid and clear, I could picture her standing by the window with her eyes closed as she made a wish.

"I didn't make an exact wish because I didn't know _what_ was missing in my life. But I knew that _something _was missing. Can you – do you know what I mean? This incomplete feeling, knowing that you're supposed to be content because you have everything you've ever wanted, yet you don't feel happy at all. This feeling kept bothering me over the whole summer break."

I took her hand into mine and squeezed it reassuringly. Quinn gave me a small smile, before she looked up at the night sky again and continued, "So I wished for things to be different this school year. I wished for something big to happen so it would change my view on my life. So I wouldn't end up as a Lima loser, living in this narrow-minded world with limited opportunities to shine."

The blonde had me in a turmoil of emotions and the fear of not understanding her multiplied, I couldn't see where this story was leading us to. I didn't know what it had to do with her liking the night sky.

"And on the first day I got to school, I realized, nothing had changed. The nerds were still nerds, the arrogant jocks were still arrogant jocks...nothing had happened. Nothing."

Quinn's voice got lower and lower, and I had great difficulties understanding her now.

"I was so depressed and angry that I broke my resolution for the new school term and didn't stop Karofsky from slushying people. And it happened to be Kurt on the first day."

It hit me like a lightning, the memories of my first day at McKinley High. I saw blurred pictures of a slushied Karofsky, a grateful Kurt, a crazy Sue Sylvester. Then the Glee kids performing in the auditorium, me promising them to join the Glee Club, then getting asked by Sue to assist her in coaching the Cheerios. The day I had met Quin Fabray.

I finally could see where this was heading.

"Do you understand me now?" Quinn lowly asked.

I slightly shook my head though I could imagine it now.

"My wish has come true," the blonde said with a smile, which she directed at the night sky. "You are the change I've been wishing for."

The hand grabbing the picnic basket tightened its grip and I felt my heart slowing down like it was tired of beating, tired of experiencing constant semi heart attacks.

"That moment where I didn't stop Karofsky from slushying Kurt, that was the same moment where you became a part of my life."

And I was overwhelmed. With too many emotions, too many thoughts and memories, too many 'what if's. She was right on so many levels, if I had never gotten to know Kurt, then I wouldn't be in the Glee Club. If Karofsky hadn't tried to get revenge on me, I wouldn't have Puck as my bro now. If I had ignored Kurt's fate, I would've gone straight to the headmaster's office and never met Sue Sylvester on my way.

I would have never met Quinn Fabray.

"Do you understand me now why I like the night sky? It fulfilled my wish and I can't thank it enough for giving me you," she said in a genuine tone and I forgot how to breathe, once again. She got my heart racing, my mind reeling and everything inside of me burning in flames. And she had set off all the warning lights and alarm signals in my head, but I couldn't bring myself to care and react.

We arrived at the top of the hill, where the ground was flat and offered the perfect place for a picnic beneath the clear night sky. I pulled out a large blanket from the basket and as I flattened it out on the ground, I suddenly stated, "You're wrong."

Quinn looked up at me with surprise as she helped me with decking the blanket with various plates of food.

"I should be the one thanking the night sky," I said with a smile. "With you, I learned to appreciate the simple things in a life."

"You did?" the blonde asked with a lopsided smile and sat down on the blanket. I followed her and said, "Yes, yes I did. I still do."

"For example?"

"I appreciate the stupid bird outside my window, chirping every morning at seven am sharp. Though I sometimes have the urge to throw a shoe after that damn animal, I'm grateful for it to have chosen my window sill to tweet from. Because without that bird, I wouldn't be able to stand up and get to school, which in the end I only do to see you there."

Quinn let out a shaky laugh and slowly shook her head, abashedly looking down. I frowned and shifted closer to her, gently bumping her shoulder with mine.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I worriedly asked, but the blonde responded with a light laugh instead, saying, "Rachel, you can't just say things like – like that."

"Why not?"

"Because you make me feel like – oh, I don't know how to say it without sounding so full of myself. But whenever you say things like that, I feel like I'm the only one who matters in your life."

She avoided my gaze as she looked up at the night sky again and I looked down, my eyes falling on her hands. I took them into mine and sincerely said in a raspy voice, "It's because you do. You know I don't give a damn about a lot of things, but you matter to me."

She whipped her head around to face me, the fresh smell of her wonderful hair filling my nose at this motion. My mind strayed to those shampoo advertisements where the model with long, luscious hair would fling her hair in slow motion and smile seductively into the camera. I could picture Quinn doing that, over and over again, whipping her hair around and teasingly winking into the camera. Oh my.

"Stop, Rachel, don't-"

I snapped out of my trance and quickly started, "Quinn, don't argue. It's the truth. And if you want me to stop, then you should do the same."

The blonde gave me a surprised look, not understanding what I was talking about.

"Did you forget what you said about why you like the night sky so much?" I asked her with light exasperation lacing my voice now, "How am I supposed to feel when you say things like that? Do you tell that every friend of yours?"

Quinn looked like she got caught red-handed and I didn't know how to work with that. What did her expression mean?

"See? You can't tell me to stop making you feel special if you do the same to me. It's just the way we work," I said and let out a sigh. I reached behind me and grabbed a bottle of water, uncapping it and setting it to my mouth.

Out of the corners of my eyes, I watched Quinn lying down on the blanket with her arms crossed behind her head. I almost choked on my drink when I realized that she was staring at me.

She looked perfect. My mind couldn't come up with anything else, too busy taking in the sight of her lying on her back like a goddess, her golden hair sprawled out, her hazel eyes glued to my face.

"How long do you plan on staring at me?" I said with a smirk. Her sweet mouth curved into a smile at these familiar words.

"Forever," she whispered back, the glint in her eyes telling me that she still remembered what had happened two and a half months ago, on New Year's Eve.

If she remembered, then she would know where it lead us to. Or what it didn't lead us to. But even I couldn't bring myself to care.

"Hungry?" I asked with a smile. "I've brought sandwiches, salads, fruits and even dessert. Apple or cherry pie?"

Quinn shot me a playful look. "Do you have blueberry pie?"

I let out a dry laugh, stating, "Of course, ma'am, everybody wants a piece of this berry pie," and I cockily pointed to myself.

The blonde licked her lips slowly and my jaw dropped open, the previous smug smirk wiped off my face.

Holy -

"What if I want this berry pie all to myself?"

My throat gone dry, I simply gaped at her.

This wasn't happening. This wasn't real, it couldn't be Quinn Fabray saying these ambiguous words. Was she _flirting _with me? Was this a catch question, again? Was this a way to fuck with my already hurting head?

The blonde was still knowingly smirking. She was evil. She knew what she was doing to me, yet she didn't seem to be aware of the consequences.

"Sharing is a virtue, Ms Fabray," I said under my breath, my eyes not blinking as I held her challenging gaze. So she wanted to play? Then I wanted to set the rules.

"Why would I want to share something that solely belongs to me?" Quinn teasingly countered and damn, I was speechless for a few seconds. All I could think of was, _how does she know?_

Setting my features straight again, I easily retorted, "And who said that the berry pie is all yours?"

"Please," Quinn scoffed with a dismissive hand wave, "it's got my name written all over it."

And I couldn't help thinking how bizarre this situation was. In the figurative sense, we were arguing about the ownership of berry pies, but why did I have this nagging feeling that it was a lot more than that? No, screw that, it _was _a lot more than that, this double meaning was killing me. It was definitely about _me - _without wanting to sound self-centered - and that was the bad part about this pointless conversation. Or not so pointless conversation.

I was confused as hell. Because if I wasn't imagining things, then Quinn had just stated that I, standing for the berry pie, was _hers. _

Oh damn. I had gone mad.

And now that this seed of crazy thought had been planted into my mind, there was no way of getting rid of it again.

"So you've marked me as your possession?" I said, completely leaving out the berry pie part. Yeah, I just made things real by throwing a couple of new dice into the game.

Quinn quirked one eyebrow and raised her chin in this graceful, challenging way, almost wordlessly stating, 'Bold move.'

It was. Assuming that we had been talking about me was a freaking bold move, but I wasn't known for playing safe. I'd rather know that I had been interpreting things wrong, than lie awake at night and replay the whole conversation in my mind, wondering if every sentence had been an allusion to something I couldn't see.

"I thought we were talking about the pie you've brought with you?" Quinn asked with feigned hesitancy and insecurity in her delicate voice, and I had to admit, it was a damn smart move. She was a hell of an actress, but I knew these methods of rhetorical manipulation too well to not recognize the cleverness of it.

She wanted to coax me out of my hole, making me admit things which I never wanted to admit.

"We've stopped talking about it the moment you said you wanted me all to yourself," I slowly said and my lopsided smirk was dripping with smugness when Quinn tried to laugh it off, yet failed to sound genuinely unbothered by it.

When she didn't answer, I said with a triumphant voice, "Quinn Fabray, you may fool everybody else in this universe with your charming smile, but you can't fool me."

_Hasn't she already?_

The blonde pouted and slowly sat up, narrowing her eyes at me and I couldn't help but chuckle at this cute sight.

I shifted my position and moved in closer to her, sitting opposite of her now with our knees brushing each other.

"I'll tell you a secret," I suddenly whispered in a conspiratorial voice and watched Quinn lean in closer to me with her face, "but no one else is allowed to know."

The blonde snorted, playfully replying, "Do you want me to do the pinky swear?"

I stuck out my bottom lip and huffed, muttering, "No secret then."

Still grinning, Quinn didn't even try to act like she was sorry when she said, "Okay, no pinky swear then."

Giving her a scrutinizing look, I slowly said, "I don't think you're ready for the truth."

That got Quinn interested and she inched closer to me, her expression now serious.

I pointedly looked around to see if there was anyone else than us and who was I kidding, we could have loud, noisy sex and no one would notice a damn thing. Theoretically, of course. I mean, there was a possibility that some might overhear us when we had sex. I mean, _if _we had sex. Not that I thought about it or something. Not much anyway.

"It's got something to do with you. You sure you wanna know?" I lowly asked and Quinn eagerly nodded, now very intrigued.

I gave her a meaningful look and paused dramatically before I said, "I still think we should go to a lingerie shop. You haven't proved me yet if you can pull off Victoria's Secret."

A loud, indignant gasp and an expression full of disbelief was my expected answer. I couldn't supress the cheeky grin that was about to split my face and I snorted with laughter when I received light hits on my arms, accompanied by a furious Quinn, yelling, "I can't believe it! And for one second I thought you were going to tell me something important!"

"It is important!" I laughed, trying to dodge her hits, but ended up getting slapped on my shoulder.

"You," she growled, pinching me in my sides and I gasped, "are," another pinch, "incorrigible."

To escape her tickle attacks, I quickly stood up and stumbled away from her cheeky hands, running around like a madwoman, still laughing and gasping for air.

Hearing another pair of feet running behind me, I glanced over my shoulder to see if Quinn was really chasing after me and I squeaked when I was met with a mischievous glow in her eyes.

"Don't think you can get away with it!" she teasingly yelled and quickened her pace, reaching out to me with one arm. I dodged her hand and darted off in another direction, mocking her with a crazy laugh.

Here we were. Running around on some hill in Lima, beneath the clear night sky, filling the air with our manic laughter. Playing tag, just like five-year-olds.

Yet there was no other place I'd rather be.

* * *

><p><strong>To all the kind reviewers with their really good suggestions, it's not that I'm ignoring you or don't think your ideas are good enough. It's just that I always write a few chapters ahead and I basically have got the whole story planned out already. <strong>

**Next chapter: Pure Puckleberry silly fun which is eventually going to trigger the 'Finally Faberry' process. Just see for yourself ;P**


	21. Chapter 21

**Enjoy.  
><strong>

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><p>Whistling a happy tune, I marched into the school building of McKinley High, one hand grabbing the strap of my bag, the other one tucked in my jeans pocket. I somehow felt untouchable, invincible even.<p>

Don't ask me how I got into such a bright mood, but this morning, I had _jumped _out of my bed when Lil' Duckie had woken me up with his happy tweeting. Yeah, I had named the bird who chirped outside my window every morning. Brittany totally agreed with the name choice.

Anyway, I felt like the king of the world. Nothing could ruin my good mood.

"Hey, you! Wait a second!"

On second thought, there was something that would ruin everyone's good mood.

"We need to talk," a panting voice behind me growled out and I didn't bother to turn around. I had spanish class as the first lesson today and I didn't want to be late or Quinn would give me a lecture on the importance of attending classes.

A large hand grabbed my upper arm and twisted me around, not as gentle as I would've preferred. Shaking the paw off my arm, I finally snapped, "What the fuck?"

I looked up to the idiot who just ruined my inner balance and scowled at him, not even bothering to cover up the disdain in my expression.

"We need to talk," Finn repeated and shot his surroundings an insecure look, making me roll my eyes at him.

"We?" I mocked him, "No, hold on there_. We _ain't gonna do shit together, 'cause _I _will be going to my first class and _you _will just stand here like an idiot, all dumb and confused. Like always. Sounds good, doesn't it?"

His eyes narrowed and he furrowed his brow, his voice gaining a desperate undertone when he hissed, "Why do you hate me so much?"

"I don't hate you." I sighed and shook my head. "I just can't stand – this." And I pointed to his general direction, making him look down on himself.

"But you're pointing to all of me?"

"And I mean all of you," I calmly replied, watching his features twisting into hurt and anger.

"I don't know what your problem with me is, but it's not cool to make Quinn dislike me, too!" Finn slowly said, the volume of his voice growing with every word, fueled by his frustration.

I took one step back and put up my hands defensively, replying with a sneer, "Calm your man tits, I can see them wobbling in excitement."

He took one threatening step closer and I raised my chin defiantly, challenging him to urge closer if he dared. He didn't, our personal spaces didn't touch, but I guess it was because of the many students still around, getting stuff from their lockers before they headed to their first class. Too many witnesses.

"What did you tell her?" Finn growled, "What did you say?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I bit back, feeling rage inside of me building within seconds.

Once again, I felt myself getting upset over him, letting hot anger fill my body. I didn't know how he managed that, but he literally made my blood boil, I could feel my skin heating up and my cheeks starting to flush with fury. It was just like yesterday, Valentine's Day, where he had driven me to the brink of insanity by just being his stupid self.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about!" Finn hissed. "You made Quinn turn against me!"

I let my bag drop to the floor and the loud thud grabbed the attention of a few students standing near us.

"I still don't fucking know what you're getting at," I snapped back and took one bold step closer to him, "and if you wanna keep on messing with me, then bring it on. The more witnesses, the better, 'cause someone needs to film me beating you up."

That was when he lost it.

"She broke up with me!" Finn angrily exclaimed, now having the attention of everybody left in the hallway. "She broke up with me and you're the one to blame!"

I was too shocked to come up with a witty retort.

Quinn had broken up with the ogre. Quinn had broken up with him. _She _had broken up with him. They had broken up, were over and done, not together anymore, finito, the end – emotions overload.

"So what did you tell her? What did you say to make her break up with me?" Finn continued to rant. "It was your idea to break up by sending a message, wasn't it? You told her to write it, didn't you?"

"Shut the fuck up, won't you? I'm trying to process things here," I hissed back and turned away from him.

When did that happen? Why didn't she tell me about it? We had spent the whole evening together yesterday and not once had she mentioned her break up with Finnept. Granted, we had been busy having too much fun to bother with anything else, but still, she could've dropped a few hints about it. Maybe something like, 'This is the best date ever, Finn's never done anything like that for me and oh, I've broken up with him by the way and I don't care at all because I have you. Let's make out.'

Without the last bit, of course.

"Don't pretend! You've been planning it all along! I should have known since the day you threw a pencil case at my head!"

I had to get to spanish class. A certain blonde owed me some explaining.

Grabbing my bag off the floor, I wanted to walk away from the still sulking ogre, but a tight grip on my wrist prevented me from doing so. I whipped around, fully intent on pulling a ninja move, but when I reached out to touch the bundle of nerves between his neck and shoulder, Finn was already in a headlock.

"Nobody, and really nobody, treats my babe this way," a familiar voice behind Finn growled and a bright grin almost splitted my face when I happily exclaimed, "Noah!"

"At your service," Puck said with a smirk before he turned to Finn whom he still held tightly locked in his arms, snarling, "You're gonna apologize to my bro, now."

Finn struggled with the strong arm choking him, panting, "S – sorry."

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you," I sweetly said and received a disbelieving grunt. But that made Puck flex his arm stronger, tightening the hold on Finn's throat.

"I'm sorry," he choked out, "for grabbing you."

"See, wasn't that hard," I replied with a smirk, nodding to Puck and he let go of the giant man-child.

"Dude, you don't grab a girl and especially not my babe, so you better watch it," the mohawked boy growled and gave his fellow jock a light shove. Finn scowled, but didn't push back, he kept on rubbing his sore throat and walked off with a huff.

"So, what the hell was that about?" Puck turned to me with a concerned look. "What did he want?"

I sighed and shrugged, simply replying, "Quinn broke up with him and he thinks it's my fault."

My bro let out a 'pah' and lightly tapped me on my shoulder. "If you ask me, it was just a matter of time till Quinn realized that Finn is way outta her league."

I hummed in agreement, a smug smirk settling on my face. This day was getting better and better.

The school bell rang and I looked around in surprise. Puck and I were the only ones left in the hallway.

"Wanna skip classes with me?" Puck asked with a smirk. "There's this new arcade that hast just opened."

I should be going to spanish class. I really wanted to see Quinn and ask her about the whole break-up deal, why Finn assumed that I was behind it. So many questions I had, but I guess they could wait to be answered. If she didn't think it would be so important to tell me about it yesterday, then a few more hours wouldn't matter.

I grinned at Puck. "What are we waiting for?"

* * *

><p>It was paradise. The arcade was almost completely empty with the exception of a few sleazy men lurking around. Puck and I had attracted curious stares at first, seeing as we were actually supposed to be in school at this time, but after a few menacing glares from us, they shrugged and turned away.<p>

The first thing we played was a zombie shooting game and Puck and I were yelling like maniacs as we slaughtered one zombie after the other. We kept on laughing and cursing, not caring at all if we received disapproving glares from the employees there.

"Did you see that?" Puck exclaimed in excitement. "A clean head shot!"

Yeah, it was pretty funny until we died in the last level.

We went from one game to another, shouted from the top of our lungs when we lost and did the same when we won. By the time we felt our almost empty wallets crying, we decided to play one last game.

So we had gone to a racing game and after a few rounds of playing, we started focusing more on crashing into each other than becoming first place in the race. It was way more entertaining to knock the other cars off the road.

The sound of someone clearing his throat behind us got ignored, Puck was about to crash into my car, frontally. Yeah, we stopped racing at all, now just keen on trashing our cars.

"Hey," a deep, male voice impatiently said and we kept ignoring him, watching in amazement how our cars turned over in the air in slow motion, small pieces flying everywhere.

Game over.

"You finished now?"

Sighing, Puck and I shared an eyeroll before we turned around.

"Lima Police Department, you're coming with me," a man in a police uniform said, tapping his badge.

Oops. My mind immediately thought of finally getting arrested for breaking into Finn's car a long time ago, where I had taken it for a spin in Lima and then had sex in the backseat. With lots of spanking, if I remembered correctly.

"Why?" Puck asked with disbelief. "We didn't do anything wrong!"

The police officer chuckled and lifted his hat to run a hand through his grey hair.

"I'm not talking about playing in an arcade, though there are various complaints about the noise," he said in his deep voice and I guessed the vibrato was coming from his huge beer belly.

"Don't you have somewhere else to be?" he asked, and Puck and I shared a 'Seriously?' look. Out of all the days where Puck had skipped classes and never got a call from the school, today when I was with him, we got busted.

"I could ask you the same," I sweetly said and Puck shot me a warning look, "I thought police officers don't usually hang out at an arcade?"

The man in uniform chuckled again and I watched his enormous belly wobbling, suppressing my disgusted grimace from appearing on my innocently smiling face.

"Good one," he said in an amicably tone, "but I was sent to search for you. And when I got a hint from the arcade's employees that here might be two absentees hanging out, I thought, why not? And guess I was right."

Damn. Though this cop looked like one of the 'eating donuts all day' sort, he wasn't that dumb.

"Wait," Puck suddenly said, frowning, "you were sent to search for us? The school's never given a damn before."

"So you admit that you do this quite often?" the officer said with one raised eyebrow.

Sneaky. But I started to like him.

"Did I say that?" my bro countered, raising one mocking eyebrow as well. "I can't remember saying these words."

This was getting good, I wanted to lean back with a bag of popcorn, but Puck had a point. Someone sent the police to search for us. Who?

"I'm sorry to interrupt," I cordially said, giving Puck a meaningful look and he slightly nodded, barely distinguishable, "but I'd like to know who cared so much and wanted to know us safe and sound. I promise we'll be going back to school right afterwards."

The uniformed man let out a short, amused laugh and replied with a sigh, "Alright, then."

He reached into his shirt's front pocket and pulled out a notebook, skimming a few pages before he hummed, "Ah, here it is."

Puck and I shared a tense look, our fists balled, intent on beating up the idiot who had ratted out on us.

"Let's see...the call came from William McKinley High...and I made some notes, here – female caller, quite upset and worried. Specifically asked about one Rachel Berry. Are you Rachel Berry?"

My fingers slackening, I shot Puck a confused look. Then I nodded to the officer.

"Ah, wait, here's the name. Kim Faday."

"Who the -" Puck started, but I quickly understood and my eyes widened, exclaiming, "Quinn! Quinn Fabray."

The officer sheepishly laughed, "Sorry, couldn't understand her really well. Spoke quite fast, must be the nerves."

I gaped at him.

Oh shit, I had Quinn worried sick over me just because I didn't feel like going to school and now she thought I got abducted by aliens or something...I had to call her, to tell her I was alright. I mean, I had never missed spanish classes with her before, I only skipped classes when I knew that she wasn't going to know.

How could I be so stupid, not thinking about that?

Pulling my bag to me, I rummaged in it until I pulled out my phone, only to find it turned off. Oops.

"So, Quinn, huh?" the officer said with grin, watching me shaking my phone, willing it to turn on faster. "A good friend? Must be, the way you got her worked up like this."

"She's got her worked up in so many ways," I heard Puck snicker and I ignored him when the screen on my phone flashed brightly and showed me the counts of missed messages and phone calls. I flinched.

"Oh wow," the uniformed man breathed, peering over my shoulder to see the double-digit number of missed texts and calls, all by one Quinn Fabray.

Puck laughed, "Awesome, bro. Already acting like a married couple."

I shot him a dirty look before I looked through the messages.

_Quinn Fabray:  
><em>_Where are you? _

__Quinn Fabray:  
><em>__Are you sick today?_

__Quinn Fabray:  
><em>__I've called you at home but no one's answering._

__Quinn Fabray:  
><em>__Rachel Berry, you answer me this instant!_

__Quinn Fabray:  
><em>__If you don't reply in the next five minutes, I will call the police. I will do it._

__Quinn Fabray:  
><em>__I'm doing it. And I'll tell your mother. _

__Quinn Fabray:  
><em>__Sorry about the last mean message, but I've called the police. You've never missed spanish with me before. :(_

__Quinn Fabray:  
><em>Please call me. I worry about you. xoxo_

So. Yeah. And she had even used proper grammar and spelling.

I shot the officer a pleading look. "Do you mind giving me a ride to school? I, um, have some things to do."

He laughed out loud and patted me on my head, making me grimace at this supposed to be soothing gesture. "No problem, but only if you promise me to never skip school again."

"Alright," I mumbled, crossing my fingers behind my back.

"And only if I'm allowed to turn on the lights and handcuff you," the officer added and received a wide eyed stare from me. "You know, to scare the other kids, so they won't get the idea to skip school as well."

I turned to Puck and he simply shrugged. "I'm used to it."

* * *

><p>"Hey, chief," Puck piped up as we neared the school and saw many curious students approaching the police car, which had its lights turned on, "it would be really cool if you could tell everybody that you caught us smashing a vending machine or something."<p>

Jim Burton, as the officer had told us his name, just snorted and said, "Don't you think it would be much cooler if you two kept it mysterious, like a secret only between us three? That gives you more street credibility."

Puck and I slowly nodded with a drawn out "Ah".

"So, here's the deal," Burton said as he parked right in front of the school entrance, turning to us. "When I open the door, you both step out without any expression, alright? We can't let anybody know that this is just a set up."

We nodded.

"And you both walk into the school while I follow you. No cocky smirking."

Another nod.

"Okay. Now turn around and give me your hands, I'm gonna put the handcuffs on."

We did as we were told and I heard Puck mutter, "I prefer being handcuffed to a bed."

I laughed under my breath and nudged him with my shoulder as I felt cold metal being wrapped around my wrists. "Agreed."

"Teenagers these days..." we heard Burton mumble behind us and we broke out in laughter.

"Good. You ready?" the officer said and we nodded, still grinning. "I'mma carry your bags. You just focus on looking guilty or somethig."

"Er, chief," I questioningly remarked, "one more thing. I thought only dangerous criminals get handcuffed _behind_ their backs? I'd like to be able to see my hands."

"Oh, no," Burton laughed, "if I did that, you'd be out of these handcuffs in no time."

Was I really that predictable?

"Now that you said it, I do feel like some super gangster," Puck muttered and grimaced as he tried to move his arms. I knew it had to be quite uncomfortable for him, with his arms being so muscular that it wasn't easy for him to bend his arms backwards.

"Let's go."

Turned out that emerging out of a car with your hands tied behind your back proved to be more difficult than I had imagined. But I managed to step out of the police car without tripping and straightened myself with grace. As graceful as I was allowed in this situation.

The second Puck and I stood with both feet on McKinley's school ground, we were surrounded by a swarm of curious students and they kept pointing to us without shame. I scowled at them, didn't they have classes to attend?

"It's lunch time," Puck muttered to me.

Damn.

"Alright, kids, please move aside," Burton loudly said with authority filling his deep voice, and he had just ruined my image of this donut-eating, kind and harmless police officer.

The crowd shuffled and cleared a path to the school building for us. After a curt nod from Burton, Puck and I started pacing towards the school entrance with dark looks covering our faces. If the agitated whispering and wide eyed looks were any indication, we did our job good.

That was, until we entered the school and I only managed to catch a glimpse of blurred blonde hair when I nearly got knocked off my feet, engulfed in a bone-crashing hug.

My sour facial expression fading, I looked completely surprised and a little bit terrified when I realized that I was trapped. In Quinn's arms.

"Rachel," she sighed, worry and relief in her voice and I couldn't help feeling nothing but ecstatic, to know that she cared so much. She slowly pulled away and I smiled at her like a fool, but my smile died on my lips when I saw her expression changing.

"Rachel Berry!" the blonde growled out after she had noticed that I was handcuffed behind my back.

I took one hesitant step back, only to knock into Burton who wouldn't move. "You've got to deal with the consequences, kid," I heard him mutter and I wanted to whip around, snatch his taser and aim it at my head to avoid a raging Quinn.

"Where have you been?" the blonde sweetly asked, but the forced smile on her angry face made me gulp in fear. I even felt Burton behind me taking a few steps back.

"I – erm, I have – I, you know, I've been just hanging around..." I awkwardly trailed off, staring at the ground.

"Oh, had a good time?"

The angry undertone in her shaking voice unnerved me and I desperately fidgeted with my handcuffs, wanting to get rid of them and pull my great escape. It was impossible to outrun Quinn with my hands tied behind my back; her toned and endlessly long legs didn't only look super sexy, but had a fucking good stamina. I would know, having the bad idea to play tag with her yesterday, only to get mercilessly tackled to the ground after few minutes of wildly running around.

"We had, until we got busted by some cop that you sent," Puck muttered, but not quiet enough for Quinn to miss it. Her face slowly turning to him, almost in slow motion, it reminded me of creepy scenes in cheap, unimaginative horror movies. She shot him a glowering look, stepped up to him and poked an accusing finger into his chest.

"You," she hissed darkly, making it sound like Puck was the sole reason of all mishaps ever occurred in the world, "you pulled Rachel into all of this, didn't you?"

The self-proclaimed king of all badasses in the world winced.

"I thought so," Quinn muttered and just when I believed myself to be out of her firing line, the blonde suddenly turned to me again. I could almost see flames of anger flickering in her hazel eyes, the heat in her glare made me feel all sorts of warm inside.

Help, I innerly whimpered and in this moment, I couldn't care less if I seemed like a wimp. This was Quinn Fabray we were talking about, and Quinn Raging Fabray was going to fucking set my useless ass on fire if I didn't do something drastic to distract her right now.

"Why didn't you tell me that you broke up with Finn?" I suddenly asked, the first question that came to my mind. And the distraction worked, Quinn's expression twisted and turned, I watched her going almost everything through; previous anger replaced by surprise, replaced by guilt, replaced by thousand of other emotions I wasn't able to read. And for the first time in my life, I wished to be smarter.

I wished to be more intelligent. Not the kind of intelligence you got from reading and learning much, but the ability to read emotions, to understand them. To have a clue about what was going on inside of Quinn's pretty head, to know what the look she gave me meant, to somehow understand why she gave me that look.

"Why do you care?" Quinn whispered, eye lids fluttering as she directly gazed into my eyes. And the needy feeling inside of me magnified, the need to know what the hopeful undertone in her delicate voice meant. "You've never liked him much."

I cleared my throat and closed my eyes, reminding myself that what I wanted to say was private and we were still in the school hallways, with Burton and Puck still around.

I gave Quinn a meaningful look, wordlessly telling her to wait a short moment and I turned around to Burton. I caught him quickly hiding away his knowing expression, replacing it by a sympathetic one.

"I've done my job," he said, getting my unspoken message to want to talk to Quinn in private. He pulled out a key and opened Puck's handcuffs and when I had expected him to open mine as well, he shook his head. He stepped forward and pushed the key into Quinn's slack hand instead, closing her fingers around it.

"I can't think of a better punishment," Burton chuckled in his baritone voice, winking at the blonde. "Make her think twice about ever skipping school again."

Quickly recovering from her surprise, the blonde gave him a lopsided smile, tightening her grip around the key. "Oh, I will."

Lifting his police hat to say goodbye, the officer walked off, chuckling. I gaped after him, my sore wrists screaming 'Betrayal!'.

A hand grabbed the collar of my leather jacket and turned me around, interrupting my attempt to set Burton's hat on fire by the mere power of murderous thoughts. I came face to face with Quinn and I sheepishly grinned at her.

"We need to talk," she sweetly whispered and I gulped.

Having no other choice with my hands tied behind my back and her firm grip on my jacket, I stumbled after her, wherever she was taking me to. I heard Puck behind us call out, "That's some kinky shit, handcuffed sex in classrooms!"

I wished.

No, I didn't even try to deny it now.

* * *

><p><strong>It's not hard to guess what happens next. Or is it?<strong>

I hear knives being sharpened and guns being loaded, so I'm outta here. Till next week ;P


	22. Chapter 22

**Enjoy. If you can.**

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><p>"Sit," Quinn curtly ordered and when I refused to do it, she roughly pushed me down on a chair.<p>

Was it wrong to feel a little bit turned on right now? I was handcuffed behind my back, obediently sitting on a low chair in an empty classroom with a dominant Quinn towering over me.

I bet everyone in my situation would have a leaking problem.

"I ask you again, where have you been?"

Her usually soft voice had gained a strong edge to it and it sent shivers down my spine. Whether it was fear or arousal, I couldn't fathom, probably both.

"At an arcade," I mumbled, feeling stupid for not having a cooler answer than this.

"An arcade," Quinn lowly repeated and I could feel heat creeping up my neck in embarrassment.

This was absurd. This whole situation was just crazy. Us being in an empty classroom, me still being handcuffed because Beer-Belly-Burton thought it would be funny to let me die slowly in the lion's den. And all because I had skipped some classes where I wouldn't have learned a single damn thing anyway.

And it didn't help either that my dirty mind kept conjuring naughty fantasies, always starring Quinn and me in the leading roles. Involving handcuffs, student and teacher, and detentions.

"Quinn," I started, "can we just skip the part where you're angry at me, and I try to make it up with grand, corny and embarrassing gestures? Let's get straight to the part where you've already forgiven me and everything's fine and dandy again."

"No," Quinn briskly replied. "Nothing's fine and dandy. Not until you understand what I've gone through."

"What you've gone through?" I shortly laughed. "You're not the one who got handcuffed and pushed into the backseat of a police car."

Maybe it would've been smarter not to say anything at all. The venomous glare she shot me confirmed my assumption.

"Rachel."

I gulped.

"Did you get my messages?"

I considered negating it, but I slowly nodded. She would see through my lies anyway, she had a creepy sixth sense when it came to me.

"Mhm. And you didn't think it would be necessary to reply."

I was getting more and more nervous, and at this point, I had stopped looking up at her and took great interest in her shoes.

"Look at me."

Maybe if I jumped up real quick and used the few seconds of her surprise to dash out of the classroom, I'd be able to escape her. No, wait, the classroom door was closed. And I was still handcuffed. Unless I had super powers, there was no way I could crash through that door.

"Look. At. Me," the sexy voice repeated and I could feel invisible hands touching my chin, tilting it up so I would look at her. I gazed at Quinn with wide eyes, gulping.

"You had me worried sick," the blonde hissed and I flinched at her sharp tone. "You've never missed a Spanish lesson before without telling me where you were. And when I called you at home and nobody answered – I can't, argh! I was terrified! Maybe you wanted to go to school, but had an accident and no one knew about it? What if you were on your way to school but then you got kidnapped?"

I shrunk further and further into my seat.

"And you didn't even answer my calls, which you've never done before!"

"My phone was turned o-"

"What if something happened to you?" Quinn was close to screaming by now. "You don't know what it feels like, to have no idea about where you are and what you're doing! To have no single clue if you're alright or sick or hurt or assaulted or killed or – I don't know, anything could've have happened!"

I was quite sure that I had made myself so small that I was almost invisible now.

"And you know what the bad part about it all is?" Quinn's voice had calmed down again, but it made me tense up. "You didn't even care. A simple, short message could've avoided it all, but you didn't bother."

This was it. I had left the various stages of feeling guilty, now I felt like a downright jackass. My head hung low, I forgot all about the cold metal still biting into the soft flesh of my wrists, having scratched open the skin. This sort of pain was nothing compared to the agony in my heart.

"I'm sorry," I croaked out, because I didn't know anything else to say.

"Try again," Quinn shortly remarked, her expression not showing any kind of emotions.

"I am sorry. So very sorry," I said again with as much sincerity as I could muster up, but received an unconvinced head shake.

Now this triggered another feeling inside of me and it wasn't hurt or disappointment, but anger. Anger because I said I was sorry and I had meant it with all my heart, but she refused to acknowledge the honesty of my apology. Anger because there was no stronger word than 'I'm sorry' and if she didn't want to believe me the first time, then what use did it have if I repeated it another thousand times?

"Quinn, what do you want me to say?" I said through gritted teeth, my voice becoming louder and louder. "Tell me what you want to hear because I have no idea. I already feel like an ass and I really regret my stupid decision, so what do I need to say to make you understand?"

The blonde looked at me in shock, not expecting the turn of events. How come that I was now the angry one, searching for answers from her?

Quinn's lips quivered and my unfounded anger instantly deflated as quick as it came, replaced by guilt. Now I felt like shit.

"No, Quinn, I didn't mean it like that - I'll say sorry as many times as you want to hear it..." It took great effort, but I managed to stand up with my hands still handcuffed behind my back and I took one hesitant step towards her.

But she raised one defensive hand to signal me to stop moving closer to her. Her expression had changed, now she looked kind of – sad.

"It's not your apologies I want to hear," she whispered hoarsely and this new rough side of her voice stirred anxiety in me. "Rachel, I've been wanting to hear something different from you for ages."

Panic. Blind panic broke out in me, all the alarm bells in my head started ringing and this time, I couldn't pretend to be oblivious anymore. I couldn't ignore the foreboding fear in my heart, knowing that we had reached a point where there was no denying it anymore.

"There's a reason why I broke up with Finn," Quinn continued to say, her voice getting shakier and shakier, tearing me more and more apart, "a reason why I didn't bother spending New Year's Eve with him. I wasn't even really upset at him for ditching me on Valentine's Day. You want to know why?"

"No, don't," I desperately breathed, not wanting to hear the inevitable truth, not wanting it to become real. I didn't want her to confess it, didn't want her to make me confess it because everything was fine as it was now, we couldn't risk it -

"Why?" Quinn shot back, her voice gaining volume again and I helplessly watched her eyes tearing up. "Why not? Isn't it far too obvious now? Too obvious to deny it now?"

She took determined steps towards me until we were just inches part and I panted, my mind now completely numb. Frozen, I let her touch my cheek, softly stroking it. I fought the urge to close my eyes and relish the feeling of her fingertips on my skin because I didn't want to give in, I just couldn't give in.

"Rachel," Quinn shakily drew a breath, "we both know that there's a lot more than friendship between us and this - this lie, this pretense has been going on too long – Rachel, I lo-"

"NO!" I shouted in panic, stumbling back away from her hand, knocking into a table with my lower back but I couldn't care less about the pain. Things were spinning out of control, out of my grasp, beyond reach - I couldn't -

"No," I repeated in a weaker voice, but it stung her as much as it did the first time. Taken aback, she stepped back as well, adding some distance between us. Almost in slow motion, I watched how a tear escaped Quinn's misty eyes and rolled over her flushed cheek, travelling down the jaw line until its journey ended when it reached her chin. The tear drop fell. The way I had done, for her.

"Why do you still fight it?" the blonde asked with a trembling voice, close to sobbing now and everything inside of me screamed in pain. I just wanted to get rid of my handcuffs and soothingly hug her, but even if I had no handcuffs on, a hug wouldn't be an option anymore. It would only make things more complicated, more difficult, just – worse.

"Why do you still deny it?" she choked out, now tears freely falling from her beautiful eyes. And I wanted to go hang myself and just slowly, painfully die because I deserved it. If someone sent me to jail for a life time for hurting Quinn, then I would worldlessly accept the punishment and probably demand more.

This time, she was crying because of me, this time, she had every reason to hate me afterwards. But I had reasons as well, I had tons of them, reasons why I couldn't let Quinn fall for me. More than she already had.

"I'm not denying it because there simply is no denying it," I gravely said, "but I don't want it to be confirmed either. I can't let you have feelings for me-"

"And what about me?" Quinn screamed, her voice gaining a piercing sound. "I heard you! I heard what you said to Finn on Valentine's Day, I had followed you. And I heard _every single_ _word_."

My heart dropped. I stared at her with my mouth agape, a panicked look in my eyes.

"And I want to – no, I _need _to know," Quinn whispered again, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears, "did you mean it? Did you mean everything you said? About me deserving nothing but the best, that you would never ditch me for anything, that you would count yourself lucky to be able to call me your girlfriend – is it true?"

My cheeks were burning, my heart was on fire. But I couldn't and I would never lie to Quinn. So I barely nodded and the blonde let out a heart-wrenching sob.

"Then why are you backing out now?" she lowly asked in a chopped voice and I wanted to strangle myself. "Why don't you stay true to your words and show me all these things?"

When the vision of the gorgeous girl in front of me started to blur, I realized that I had started crying as well. And I couldn't even wipe off my tears to see her better, my hands were still tied behind my back. I began to hate Burton for doing this to me. Because of him, a perfectly good day had turned into a disaster. Because of him, our friendship was going to fall apart. _We _were falling apart.

The lump in my throat was the main reason why my voice came off hoarse and rough.

"I _am _staying true to my words," I whispered, furiously trying to blink away my tears to see Quinn, "I said I want you to have the best. That's why I'm not an option."

I could make out a sharp intake of breath and I guessed that the blonde had finally understood why I was fighting back the chance of a possible romantic relationship between us.

I was just no good for her. I couldn't provide her with a stable relationship, I couldn't offer her my love because I didn't know if I was able to love at all. There was nothing about me that could possibly hold her interest for long and I had gone through too much emotional shit, which would only be a burden to a healthy relationship.

I was damaged beyond repair, the way I led a careless life with no responsibility and commitment just confirmed it all. And then there was Quinn, pure and innocent and still so open for new things, willing to learn everything the world would offer her, trying to understand. I would point at an abstract art work that I don't understand and ask, 'Why?' and she would reply, 'Why not?'

See what I was trying to get at? I could gloatfully laugh at Finn and snicker about the fact that he was way out of Quinn's league, but truth was, I was way out of her league as well.

The school bell rang, announcing the end of lunch time and it startled us, pulling us back to reality. But we both didn't move; attending classes was the last thing on our mind right now.

"You want the best for me," Quinn repeated lowly to herself and I was relieved to hear her voice calm again, "and you know what I want?"

No. No, no, no, don't, I can't -

"I want you."

"No..." I breathed, slowly shaking my head. My tears were gone now, so were hers and I couldn't help admiring her beautiful face though her eyes were swollen, her nose was red and her cheeks were stained with the last few tears.

"I want you. With all the flaws, with all the imperfections, with all the mistakes you've ever made. I want the whole Rachel Berry package, whatever dysfunctions it might include," Quinn desperately said and she was doing it again, pulling me in, bringing up my hopes that we might work out. She was letting me catch a glimpse of our future together, of all the things we could have – and my mind snapped back to reality.

There was no future of us together. After my junior year in McKinley High, I would go back to my old school in New York City to graduate there. By the time we were seniors, we were seperated again by thousands of miles. We would become strangers again and I would go back to leading my old, careless life with excessive parties and meaningless sex.

"Please don't do this," I begged her, "you're only making it harder for me."

"Then stop fighting it!" Quinn exclaimed, fire igniting in her eyes. "Stop fighting us!"

"Don't you know how much this is killing me? You don't think that I'm breaking apart inside?" I retorted in desperation, "There's nothing, really _nothing_ that I want more than an 'us'!"

She swallowed and hoarsely whispered, "But you promised me."

Never before did I hate myself so much than now.

"You promised me that there would never be no 'us' in the future. And now you're doing everything to break your promise."

And the broken tone in her voice pierced my heart. I found it hard to breathe with the painful grip closing around my lungs.

"I know," I breathed dejectedly. "I know."

Lack of understanding was all over her pretty face as she shook her head in exasperation, shakily saying, "You know? No, you don't. If you knew, you wouldn't do this. Not to yourself, not to me."

But couldn't she see? I was doing this for us, for the greater good, for the bigger picture – I wasn't separating us for no reason. I was doing this to keep her from getting hurt in the future because I knew that I would screw up one day. And it would be a thousand times worse than now.

"I know what I'm doing," I gravely said. "And I know that a relationship between us won't work."

"How can you be so sure?" And Quinn had reached a new level of desperation, which matched my inner turmoil. "How can you know if you don't give us a chance?"

"Because I know that I will fuck it up!" I exclaimed in blank despair. "I always fuck up the good things in my life! I fucked up with my fathers, I took them for granted and now they're gone – and I fucked up with Shelby, we could be having an actual connection if I wasn't too proud to accept her offers."

Giving her a pleading look, my voice was low and hoarse again, when I continued, "And recently, the only good thing about me is you. So please, don't let me ruin it."

Quinn was speechless. I took her silence as my chance to explain myself further.

"You need to understand. You're so pure, so wholesome, so perfect – everything I'm not and I don't want to be the one dragging you down."

That was when the blonde snapped out of her daze and suddenly hissed, "No, no Rachel, stop."

And I did. I stopped blinking, stopped breathing, stopped thinking.

"You're scared."

My heart stopped beating. Everything stopped.

"All these lies – all because you're scared." Her voice was so calm, yet so cold. It killed me.

"Lies?" I weakly repeated, "You call – you call it all lies?" The familiar feeling of anger bubbling right beneath hurt returned.

Quinn scrutinized my face. "It's not about protecting me. It's about protecting yourself, because you are afraid of getting hurt."

My features went slack, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. So was everything I had said before useless? Hadn't she listened to one word?

"I – I -" I stuttered in anger, too furious to form coherent sentences. This overwhelming urge to just scream and curse and smash all the furniture in this fucking classroom against the wall threatened to take control over me.

"You almost had me," Quinn whispered and shook her head at herself, "I almost believed you. But in the end, you are just scared of getting hurt, scared that I would leave you like Shelby and your fathers did."

This was the final straw that just got completely torn apart. She had used my biggest weakness, she had hit the only spot where I didn't have a thick layer of skin covering it.

And I lost it.

"IT'S BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, THAT'S WHY I'M DOING IT!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, giving up any self-restraint I had kept. "Isn't that what you wanted to hear me say all along? That I love you?" Taking a deep breath, I continued in a calmer voice, "And yes, I'm scared. I'm scared that I'll be the one hurting you, not the other way round because nothing you do could ever push me away from you."

There, I had said it. No taking it back now.

Quinn blinked a few times in shock, speechless, but her eyes said it all. She had been waiting for this moment forever. And maybe she had expected me to say it under different circumstances, in a different context and at a different time and place.

"Are you happy now?" I tiredly said. "Does this clear your doubts? You don't know how much I'm dying inside right now, wanting you so bad and knowing that you return my feelings, but not to be able to act on them. It fucking kills me."

Her lips were trembling, her eyes watering and my heart painfully clenched at the thought of being the reason of another wave of tears.

But I was too exhausted to feel anything besides pain anymore.

"Quinn," I sighed, "could you release me from those handcuffs, please? My arms are getting sore."

She didn't move at first, just kept staring at me, like she was trying to soak in every part of me with her eyes. Like it would be the last time she'd see me. And it just tore another hole into my heart.

I turned around to let her open my handcuffs, at the same time to avoid her hurting gaze. The sound of metal clinking open made me sigh in relief and I took a close look at my partially bleeding wrists. I must have strained against them real hard when I had lost my temper during our fight, too furious to notice the physical pain.

"Let me take you to the nurse, please," I heard Quinn whisper and she reached out to touch my arm, but I flinched back. Hurt flashed in her eyes as she slowly pulled her hand back.

"No, it's fine," I muttered and paced to the door, just wanting to get the hell out of here. Before I did something stupid.

"Wait, where are you going?" Quinn called after me and my hand rested on the door knob. Turning my face to the side, I lowly said, "Have you ever heard of people saying, 'If you really loved someone, you'd let them go?' This is me loving you, me letting you go for good."

"You – you can't do this," I heard her sobbing and my heart was breaking all over again. "You can't just walk into my life out of nowhere, make me fall for you and then leave me before I ever got to know what love could be like."

And I did what I had always done in situations like this. I ran away.

* * *

><p><strong>Well, I told you to sharpen your knives and load your guns ;P<strong>

**To my defense, I kind of warned you about some drama before finally Faberry...and I had it planned from the start. If it's any consolation, I'm currently writing their first kiss and it's already 1k+ words. Without any speech, mind you. Anyway, I gotta run now if I want to live till next week.**


	23. Chapter 23

"You are pathetic."

I didn't bother to look up as I took another long drag from my cigarette, wanting it to completely fill my lungs. You could say that I was on some weird self-destruction trip, starting with relatively harmless things like smoking.

All I wanted to do right now was to suck down a whole box of cigarettes, like it was a somewhat helpful solution to my problems. This was my idiotic way of dealing with stress and pain, my way to wallow in self-pity and other self-made hurting feelings.

Just when I wanted to take another drag, my cancer stick got ripped out of my slack fingers and thrown away. Expressionlessly blinking, I stared at the one who had dared to interrupt my attempt to fill my inner emptiness with smoke.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" was angrily thrown into my direction.

I emotionlessly watched Santana pacing up and down in fury, wringing with her hands. Shooting me a glare, she stopped in her movements and hissed, "Let me guess, you weren't thinking."

I shrugged.

The Latina scowled and took threatening steps towards me. "Fuck you, Berry. I actually had plans with Britts this afternoon, but guess what's more exciting? Finding you beneath the bleachers, stinking after smoke and misery."

I blankly stared at her before I shrugged again, leaning against the framework of the bleachers with one shoulder. I put on my Ray Ban shades, not caring that everything around me got darker. It suited my mood at least.

"Really?" Santana growled, disbelief and anger thick in her voice. "You wanna play cool about it?"

"Where's Puck," I casually asked, not reacting to her question. If someone had questions, then it would be me. I didn't ask for Santana to be my shrink and even if I needed one, I would have preferred Puck to play that role because he at least wasn't going to give me shit first. I didn't need anyone to remind me that I was a big fuck-up, I was well aware of that.

"Quit that shit."

Though Santana wasn't able to see anything going on behind my shades, I raised one eyebrow anyway. "Why are you here if you obviously have better things to do?"

She groaned in frustration and shook her head, hands massaging her forehead.

"Do I look like I wanna be here?" she snidingly replied. "I'm doing this for Q, you idiot. She missed school today, so I called her to ask about her and what did I hear from Mama Fabray? That Q's feeling not well, been crying in her locked up bedroom yesterday. Now guess whom I'm gonna blame."

My insides painfully churned and twisted, and I hated myself now more than ever. On the outside though, I appeared to be unaffected by that information.

"Why should I be the reason?" I calmly asked, ignoring the way my brain screamed, _how can you be not the reason?_

Santana grinded her teeth, her cheeks were tainted red with fury.

"If you weren't the reason, then you would've jumped at this information and demanded me to take you to her. But now," she paused to shoot me disappointed look, "you're standing here like it doesn't bother you when I _know _you're dying inside."

Well, she was dead on, no denying it.

I should start to appreciate my friendship with Santana more. Granted, it wasn't a very healthy friendship if we called each other names all the time, but we did it with affection. As much affection as insults allowed. But she had the guts to tell me off and openly point out my flaws at every occasion she got. Even if her snide remarks weren't exactly an ego booster, they certainly held truth and if someone was brutally honest, then it would be her. She would be real with me.

"Berry, did you know that you're so full of shit?"

Yes, yes I did.

"Do you remember that day in the auditorium? How you pulled my head outta my ass with chains and ropes, so I wouldn't pussy out on Britts? Now you're doing the fucking same, pussying out on Quinn when she needs you the most."

I would've preferred her using less slang, but I understood her nonetheless. I sighed.

"The situation's different," I shortly said, but Santana's scowl deepened.

"How's your situation any different?" she incredulously said. "You're being a big pussy about it and that's all that there is."

I slowly shook my head, but that only infuriated her more.

"Gosh, sorry if I repeat myself, but you're so full of double standard shit, it's unbelievable. Don't you remember? You were the one who told me to fucking get over my insecurities. Now here I am, telling you to do the fucking same."

I pushed myself off the framework and walked away, wanting to get away from the bleachers. Footsteps behind me indicated that Santana was following me.

"Where are you going?" she called behind me and I easily replied, "Away."

"So that's how you deal with problems? Running away?"

I stopped in my movements, standing in the middle of the football field. "I'm not running, I'm walking."

Having caught up with me, Santana stood beside me, warily watching me as I looked up at the sky, adjusting my shades.

"You're fucking insane, did you know that?"

"A cloudless sky today," I remarked as if talking about the weather had been our topic for the last few minutes, "I bet the night sky will be clear and bright tonight."

The Latina besides me stared at me like I had gone nuts and for a brief moment, I considered this option as well. But no, I wasn't crazy, just in love. And in pain, obviously.

"Fuck, no wonder Q's crying, you've gone fucking mad and it's not even funny anymore."

At the mention of Quinn crying, crying over me, I snapped back to reality and trained my gaze back to Santana.

"What does she see in me?" I suddenly asked her and Santana didn't know what to make of my constant mood swings, so she eyed me with a frown. But this triggered a needy feeling inside of me. I urgently repeated, "What does she see in me?" After shortly pausing, I added, "Why does she do that to herself, choosing me out of all the people in the world? We all know that I'm no good."

She didn't immediately reply and she looked like actually considering her words for the first time. And I knew in this moment that I had chosen the right person to ask this question, I knew that no one could give me a better and more honest answer, not even Quinn. The blonde would smother me with her sweet words, drown me with her affection and tell me about the good sides I didn't have. But Santana, she wasn't looking at me through love tainted shades, she would be able to answer me this question on a more neutral foundation.

"I wanna be mean and say, I don't know what the fuck she sees in you, like, at all," the Latina finally said, her voice calm and without a trace of malice. "But I can understand."

I shot her a pleading look, urging her to go on. But she took her time, wetting her lips with her tongue as she slowly said, "We know that Quinn is a beautiful girl. Whereever she is, her beauty stands out and everyone else pales in comparison. They tend to fade into the background."

Not understanding what she was trying to get at, I desperately gazed at her.

"And when she's with you," Santana started again, slowly turning to me, "her beauty intensifies. But the difference is, the people around her don't fade into the background anymore, they become prettier along with her. It's like she's sharing her fucking halo with them."

I just stared at the Latina, none the wiser.

"What I'm trying to say is, you bring out the best in her. You make her shine, make her glow, you make her prettier on a whole nother level. You know, she's gained more inner beauty because of you. She isn't pretending to be that fake blond girl anymore, who just cared about her reputation, about dating the quarterback or becoming Prom Queen. She's finally being herself."

Openly gaping at her, my mind was reeling with thousands of thoughts and I remembered Quinn's New Year's resolution. She had told me that she wanted to learn to accept herself.

Was this what had bothered her? That she hadn't been able to accept her feelings for girls, for me?

"With you, she learned to be more of herself and nothing makes you happier or more content than by just being yourself," Santana softly said and I really appreciated this rare side of hers. I appreciated the fact that she let me know her soft side, I couldn't help feeling somewhat privileged to know this side of hers. She sighed.

"I would know. I used to be so damn angry all the time, just because I couldn't accept my feelings for Brittany. And now I only feel free." A happy grin spreaded on her face. "Brittany makes me feel like I can do anything. One day, I'm gonna rule the world and then give her Australia as her wedding gift."

And that was where a part of the old Santana had returned, but I was softly smiling now anyway. How couldn't I, she had just admitted her plans of marrying Brittany. Even if it meant that the world would be under her domination in a few years.

"I would give her everything she wants," Santana said more to herself than to me and just when I thought that she had forgotten about me, she suddenly turned to me. "And I know you would give Quinn everything she wants."

My throat becoming dry, I slowly nodded. Yes, yes I would.

"Right now, all that she wants is being with you."

And I looked down on my feet, ashamed and hurt. Finally, I spoke up, "I want to be with her, too." Looking up again, I gave Santana a pleading look, almost begging her to understand me when I continued, "But I only have a few months left in Lima. And I don't want to start something that I can't keep, I don't want us going through the problems of a long-distance relationship."

I had expected Santana to return to her bitchy attitude and tell me not to think so much about it. But she actually seemed to understand my fears when she gave me a sympathetic look.

"Don't you think it's the same with me and Brittany? After we graduate, what will happen then?"

And suddenly, I felt very stupid.

"She wants to move to LA after graduation, to pursue a career in dancing. And I won't keep her from her dreams, I won't stand in her way of becoming a professional dancer," Santana said with a faint smile on her lips, thinking of her girlfriend. "I will be there to support her. And I'll try to get into UCLA, it's always been a dream of mine to become a blood-sucking lawyer."

Wave after wave of shame flowed through my whole body and never before had I felt more like a fool, more like an idiot than now. Here she was, Santana, planning of a future together with Brittany while I was afraid to even _think _about mine with Quinn.

The Latina was able to think beyond graduation, she was able to come up with a solution that combined two of her biggest dreams. And what did I do? I couldn't see further than junior year, everything was a big blur and mess to me.

"But..." I paused, I didn't want to utter this question. Santana would get offended by it, but I just had to know. "But how do you know that you and Brittany will last? How can you plan so far ahead?"

The reaction I had predicted didn't come, I only received a calm look and under her scrutinizing gaze, I suddenly felt very small. I had to admit, it was intimidating to see this mature, contemplating look on her face and she seemed so much older, almost wiser. It was more frightening than her evil sneers, scarier than her lethal glares.

"No, I don't know if we will last," Santana finally said, training her gaze to somewhere far behind me, "but I won't come up with alternative plans for my future. Because the moment you start working on Plan B, your original plan is going to fail."

"I don't understand," I hesitated to whisper.

Santana's eyes found mine again and I startled at the hard look in them.

"Think about it, Berry. Why do people have a Plan B sometimes?" She didn't sound impatient, nor did her tone indicate any irritation or annoyance towards me.

I stared at her for a while before I slowly answered, "When they're not sure if Plan A will succeed."

"Damn right," Santana nodded. "Now go on, Little B, tell me: What could be the reason why people are insecure about their original plans?"

I paused, wanting to get the answer right. "Because they don't fully believe in their plans?"

"There you are," the Latina sighed like I finally understood a difficult math question, but I was still as clueless as before.

"You see, Berry, here's the thing," Santana calmly started, she probably had noticed my lingering confusion. "The people with only one plan have only one path to follow. They wouldn't get the idea to take another road because there simply is none, they would stick to their route till the end. But the people who keep their options open, who created lots of alternative paths and roads for themselves, they would jump off their original route the moment it becomes bumpy and hard to follow."

My eyes widening, her explanation dawned on me and once again, Santana continued to amaze me. She was far smarter than she let on, it was almost a pity that she mostly used her intelligence to come up with lame insults for me.

"That's why I don't want to have any alternative plans, I just want to stick to my only dream. Being with Brittany while becoming a kick-ass lawyer in LA," the Latina said with determination and something close to admiration warmed up my heart. But I'd never admit it, I'd probably call it respect. Yes, I respected Santana.

"I don't want to be distracted with 'what-ifs', I don't want to have a Plan B to tell me it's alright to fuck up my original intentions."

Suddenly putting a hand on my shoulder, she slowly said, "So here I am, telling you it's not alright to fuck things up with Quinn. I don't know what you did and it's none of my business, but if you hurt her, I'll fucking ends you. For real."

A weak smile appeared on my face and I could tell that she meant it this time. I would know, there was not one day where she didn't throw an empty death threat at me and I kind of started to like the tradition between us. It was almost a habit. She would make a snide remark about me and I'd just easily reply, 'love ya, too' and then she'd scoff and pout for a short moment before she came up with a new insult, starting our game again.

"I'll only say it once, Berry. If I ever witness Quinn crying because of you again, I swear I'm gonna make you fucking weep like a kid whose lollipop got stolen, thrown on the ground and stepped on. Hell, Lima could open a new public swimming pool filled with your tears."

I somehow didn't dare to doubt this promise. She'd probably try to fill up the pool with my blood after my tears had dried out.

"Santana, you know that your threats are quite unnecessary 'cause I will be the first one to tear myself apart if I ever hurt again," I said and gave her a melancholy smile. "But I won't give her any reasons to hurt anymore."

Anybody else, anybody less smart, less observing – they wouldn't have noticed that this wasn't meant as they wanted to. But Santana wasn't anybody else - she wasn't dumb, she wasn't oblivious and she had quickly caught on.

"What do you mean, you won't give her any reasons to?" she asked, her scanning look not leaving me. I openly faced her with a calm expression, almost distant and aloof.

"There's no other meaning. I meant what I said."

"Bullshit," Santana scoffed, "you can play your little mind-fuck games with other morons, but I fucking know what you just really said."

Defiantly raising my chin, I challenged her to present me her idea.

"You wanna know what I understood?" Santana warningly asked. "You wanna break up with Quinn, like, really break up. No more hanging out, no more texting and no more seeing each other. That's what I think when you say you won't give her any reasons to hurt anymore."

Avoiding her angry look, I averted my face and stared into the distance. It was beyond scary now, the way she knew me so well. But then again, she had been in a similar situation, when she had been dealing with all her feelings for Brittany.

No, she wouldn't know. My situation was still different. She had been afraid of dating Brittany in public because she had cared too much about her reputation. Which, by the way, had only increased since then, because no one could deny that those two fulfilled every description of a hot, lesbian couple.

But me, I gave a damn about what people thought of me, this had never been a problem of mine. The big issue was that I cared too much about what Quinn thought of me and I just loved the fucking irony of it all.

And only recently did I understand why Santana cared so much about everybody's opinion, and honestly, it was _exhausting _to constantly think about what others would think.

For two months now, I wasn't able to dress myself without thinking if Quinn would like the shirt or like the jeans. I wasn't able to buy lunch without thinking if Quinn would want me to eat more salad. Hell, I couldn't even walk into Spanish class without first preparing myself, wondering if Quinn preferred me greeting her with a hug or a smile or a wink.

I was going mad with the blonde always on my mind, following me whereever I went, whatever I did. It wasn't normal anymore, the amount of time I spent on thinking about her, more than on my three best friends in New York together.

And yes, I would lie if I said that the mere thought of us being together didn't scare me, because it did fucking scare the crap out of me. I was already going crazy and we weren't even dating, so what would happen if we really got together?

This was all so new to me, all the emotions and feelings, and I was drowning in them.

Quinn made me feel strong, yet she was my biggest weakness. She gave me security, yet she could make me feel insecure about myself. I didn't know what to feel anymore and maybe that was the reason why I was so scared. Scared of admitting it, embracing it, cherishing it.

"Fuck, Berry, where are your balls? Wanna know why I wanted you to be with Quinn on New Year's Eve? 'Cause you both were so far up your in-denial asses and someone had to push you into the right direction. And though I don't believe in sayings and all that crap, I let you spend New Year's Eve together 'cause they say that this is how you're gonna spend the entire year."

I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes. Here I had my answers and now, I wished I hadn't heard them. I couldn't bring myself to feel an ounce of anger towards Santana because she had only meant well. She couldn't know that it had almost led me to kissing Quinn and all the confused feelings that followed.

"And now you wanna tell me that I drugged Frankenteen for no reason?" Santana scowled. "Berry, I don't want him to play any role in Quinn's life, the leading role is reserved for you."

I didn't open my eyes when I slowly replied, "That's not what you said when I first met you."

When I didn't get an immediate reply, I continued, "You said I wasn't worth the trouble. You said that Quinn had so much to lose, that I was way out of her league. You warned me not to play her."

Hearing Santana sharply inhaling, I guessed she could remember now.

"That was before I realized that Quinn needed someone like you."

And my eyes snapped open, staring at her with mixed emotions. She calmly looked back.

"That was before I realized that _Finn _wasn't worth the trouble. She's got so much to lose with him, and he's the one out of her league." She sighed and slowly shook her head at herself. "Berry, you and I know that Quinn will be a someone someday and what's Finnept biggest ambition? He doesn't know. Probably a football player. For which team? He doesn't know. Will he ever leave Lima? No one knows."

I found myself nodding with her, my chest suddenly swelling with contempt for him.

"Quinn will be going to places. She's gonna need someone who'll support her and not try to hold her back," Santana steadily said, sternly looking me in the eye. "Look, Little B, you're different. It pains me to admit it, but you have potential, too. You're good for Quinn. Trust me, I know."

And I wanted to trust her, blindly so, but this little thing called doubt was still making my insides twist and churn.

"Rachel."

I didn't want to give in because it would be too easy if I did, just because she had called my proper first name for the first time. But I couldn't help it, she made me trust her without wanting to.

"I mean it. Don't do this. Don't do this to Quinn."

I bit my lip and looked down. My self-built walls were crumbling, Santana's weapons were too powerful.

"More. I need to hear more," I whispered, hating myself for wanting her to convince me otherwise. I was practically pleading for her to tear down my imaginary walls around my heart. I had started fighting against myself.

"You have to know, you and I have more in common than you think. Rachel – we don't regret the stupid things we've done. We regret the things we haven't done."

And she had torn another hole in my wall.

"And I know you're gonna regret letting Quinn go," Santana lowly said. "When you're back in New York, you're gonna think about her and wonder, what if. You're gonna search for old pictures of her and ask yourself, what if. And everytime you do that, you die a little more inside."

The bricks were crumbling and falling. Just one more push, one more strike.

"And you know what? Hundreds of miles away from you, stuck in Lima, Quinn's gonna go through the same."

And I surrendered, the walls got knocked down and here I stood, bare and naked to the world. Unprotected and vulnerable, I stood in front of Santana, single drops of tears escaping my eyes.

When the Latina noticed tears appearing from under the sunglasses, she gently took them off.

"It's alright," she whispered and for the first time since we knew each other, she stepped to me and hugged me. That was when I started to actually sob, real hard.

And in this moment, I was so glad that Santana got to be my shrink.

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><p><strong>AN: It's gonna get better. Keep holding on.<strong>


	24. Chapter 24

**AN: Sorry for not updating yesterday - ffnet didn't let me log in, so only the tumblr guys got to read this first.**

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><p>Of all the times I had stood here, waiting for someone to open the door for me, this was the most nerve-wracking and terrifying experience. This tension was almost too much to take, I could barely breathe under the pressure I had made for myself.<p>

Now I could understand why Santana had felt so nauseous that day, when I had forced her to make up with Brittany. I wasn't feeling any better, and I didn't even have somebody to mentally support me as I stood there by myself. Admittedly, I had forbidden Puck, Santana and Brittany to accompany me, because this was my battle. My mistake, my fault, and only I could set things right.

The door opened, and everything I had prepared to say and do flew out of my mind.

"You."

It was Judy, not the Fabray I had originally been seeking for. And though it wasn't by any means strange or irregular to find her opening the door for me whenever I went to Quinn's, something was definitely wrong this time.

The older blonde looked at me with a blank expression and her greeting had been curt, almost unpleasant. There was a possibility that she had been this irritated before she had opened the door for me, and I just had been so unlucky to choose this moment to knock on the door. But something told me that the scrutinizing look in her eyes was meant for me.

"Chrm, hello, Ms Fabray," I nervously stuttered, already feeling intimidated under her hard stare.

"Quinn doesn't want to see you," she briskly said, out of the blue, straight to the point.

Overwhelmed, I choked out, "I'm sorry?"

"Well, you are here to see her, aren't you?" Judy shortly said, and the now apparent unpleasant undertone in her voice killed me. I had never been treated like this by her, and I couldn't help feeling hurt.

"Yes," I mumbled.

"And she doesn't want to see you. So you can go back home now."

And she did it again, killing me with her unwelcoming words. She wasn't even openly insulting me, she wasn't rudely telling me to fuck off, yet there was nothing that could've hurt me more.

I had always respected her, admired her even, for her strength to raise Quinn on her own whereas Shelby had given me up. I almost saw her as my missing mother figure in my life. The way she always put more food on my plate when I was already full, the way she reminded me to dress warmly and drive safely whenever I took Quinn to school; everything about it made me feel like a loved child. It reminded me of the days where my fathers used to do these things for me.

And now she was giving me the cold shoulder, pushing me away, throwing me out of her house. It fucking tore me apart. Nothing hurt more than rejection from the ones you loved and cared about.

"Please, I need to see her, it's important," and the desperate undertone in my voice couldn't have been more apparent. But Judy's expression stayed indifferent.

"Really?" she said, raising one eyebrow. "What's so important that you can't wait to tell her on Monday in school? She's still not feeling well, as you might know, since she's missed school today as well."

"No, I need to -"

"You need to?" she interrupted me again, and I felt robbed of air, stolen of everything I tried to hold on. "There's nothing you need to do now. There's nothing you can do now. It's better if you leave."

Why was she doing this to me? Did she know that I had broken her daughter's heart? Was she trying to protect Quinn? Why couldn't she at least let me mend things, repair what could be repaired of our friendship?

"Please, you don't understand, it's -"

"Important?" Judy cut me off. And everything I had on my mind vanished into thin air as I looked into a frowning face. "No, _you_ don't understand, Rachel. You know what's important right now? That Quinn can take her time to sort things out. Without you."

It was official. Only a Fabray had the ability to break my heart.

As the seconds stretched into minutes with her scrutinizing my lost and broken look, her expression softened and she suddenly said, "Come in. I need to talk with you anyway."

I didn't want to follow her in because I was sure that there was a lot more torture to come before everything was forgiven. But there was no other option, I had to get over it sooner or later.

I trailed after her into the kitchen, all the while shooting insecure looks at the ceiling. To know that Quinn was so near yet out of reach cut off another piece of my heart. To know that she had been missing school today again because of me made me feel more miserable than ever. Even Sue Sylvester had suspected me to be the reason of the blonde's absence; a Friday's Cheerio practice without the cheerleader captain was unacceptable.

"Take a seat," Judy absently said as she worked the coffee machine.

For once I didn't feel like having one of her addictive coffees. For once I didn't want to be here in this kitchen. I just wanted to be with Quinn now, to tell her that I had been a freaking huge ass, and that I would give us a chance. A thousand chances if she was willing to give me just one.

"Here."

I startled when a coffee mug was set on the table in front of me with a loud thud.

"Drink."

Against my will, my hand reached for the mug. But even when I took a sip, my mouth felt too dry to swallow the liquid. I almost whimpered at the pain of hot coffee leaving a burning trail down my throat. Even the coffee was mad at me.

Suppressing a grimace, I trained my eyes on the table to avoid looking at Judy and played with the handle of the cup.

"So, tell me. What's so important that you need to tell Quinn now?"

I didn't dare to look up. What was I supposed to answer? What did Judy know? Did Quinn tell her anything and if, how much did she say?

"Hm," I heard her sigh, and I got more and more insecure within seconds.

"Rachel, I'm not blind."

So she did know. Now the question was how much.

"And for a long time, I wished I was."

My hand tightened its grip around the coffee cup at this strange admission. Not strange in the sense of not understanding her, thinking it was a weird thing to say. Strange, because I didn't know whether it was a bad or a good thing.

"I'm not proud of what I'm going to admit, Rachel." My heart beat quickened in dread. "But before you judge me, you have to know that I have changed my opinion by now."

My fingers twitched, the only physical sign that I had acknowledged her words.

"I've never hoped for my daughter to be gay."

And here it was, the confession that stabbed thousands of knives into my heart. So many thoughts were running through my mind right now, mostly panicky ones – what if Judy forbid me to see Quinn ever again?

"Since my ex-husband left me, the wish of getting a grandchild from Quinn has become stronger. You have to understand, my loneliness is making a selfish person out of me. I thought if Quinn had children, she could let them stay with me while she is at work. It made perfect sense in my mind."

I couldn't blame Judy for this thought. It didn't only make sense in her mind, it was plausible for every single mother whose children had grown up and left home to settle somewhere else in the world.

"I wanted her to marry the perfect man, get two adorable children, live somewhere in the neighbourhood in a beautiful house."

It was pure torture, listening to this. Knowing that I just didn't fit into this picture, that there was no place for me to be in this perfect American dream, no role for me in Quinn's life.

"Have you noticed the past tense in my words?"

My head shot up and I stared at Judy with wide eyes. She gave me a weak smile, barely noticeable. But it was there and it gave me hope. It gave me hope because I felt like drowning and I was desperate enough to cling to anything she was willing to throw at me, even if it was only the slightest trace of a smile.

"I was so caught up in planning Quinn's life for her – oh Rachel, I didn't realize that what I did was completely wrong, in so many ways. It took me a long time to learn this because Quinn never objected to my plans. It's all my fault that she's been so unhappy for a long time."

To my absolute horror, Judy's voice had started shaking and all signs of her breaking out into tears were blatantly clear. Why was it that I always found a way to make a Fabray cry? And maybe it wasn't directly my fault, but I was still responsible somehow because she was talking to me, and she was about to cry in my presence – how couldn't that be not my fault?

"No, no, it's not your fault, you just wanted the best for her..." I tried to soothe her, but it made her start to sob. This whole situation was oddly familiar, and the overwhelming urge to sob as well bubbled beneath my chest. Because once again, I had managed to make someone cry when I had tried to soothe them.

"It's me, all along it's been me," Judy sobbed. "I've never thought much of it, but now everything is so clear. The little things I mentioned – Quinn must have done them to please me. Such a good kid, she just wanted to make me happy after the messy divorce. But she risked her own happiness."

It was such a Quinn thing to do. And I fell in love with the blonde a little bit more.

"I never knew that she took my wishes so much to heart. I didn't even notice the hints I was dropping, but now it's so obvious – Quinnie, how nice would it be if you dated someone popular like you, the quarterback maybe? Quinnie, wouldn't a Prom Queen tiara look nice on your shelf? Oh, I was so stupid."

My throat went dry. Quinn had never been interested in Finn. Maybe it didn't matter anymore anyway, maybe it was a fact not worth knowing since it was obvious that she didn't feel anything for him. But it did matter to me, a lot actually, to know that she had _never _felt anything towards him, and not just recently lost her interest.

"I wanted her to live my idea of a perfect life for me because I haven't been able to do it myself," Judy sobbingly said, making my insides twist and churn. "And I've never stopped for one second to see if this was what Quinn actually wanted. I've never noticed her unhappiness. Not until she met you."

My fingers twitched again. I was moments away from learning how much Judy knew about the complicated relationship between Quinn and me.

"Of course, at first I just thought that her relationship with Finn was going strong at the moment and that this had been the reason why she smiled more often."

And I cringed at this.

"But she never talked about him, never mentioned him in our conversations. Whatever we discussed about, it always somehow came back to you. And I didn't think much of it, seeing that you are close friends, and I was rather fond of you, Rachel. I still am."

Hope flickered in my eyes as I stared at her, completely vulnerable and timid. Judy slowly nodded with a regretful smile, remainders of her tears glistening on her cheeks.

"I'm sorry that I was so rude to you. But I'm only human, too, and I'm a single mother, so you have to understand my protective nature. And I have to tell you, seeing my daughter come home with tears triggers a lot of negative feelings inside of me."

I tried to swallow, but gave up after the third try.

"Oh, Rachel," she sighed, and my heart dropped. What was she going to say now?

"I should've known that there was more between you two. But I was trying so hard to ignore it, to deny it; but your interactions with each other bursted all boundaries of a friendship."

Oh. That was all that I could think. Had we been that obvious? That in denial?

It seemed that everyone had known about us before we had realized it ourselves. Santana knew, which meant that Brittany knew as well. Even Puck had caught on. Kurt had been trying to tell me. Everybody fucking knew, but they didn't think it would be necessary to point it out to us.

"The way you act around each other. With such familiarity that only lovers share."

It was because I trusted Quinn. Cheesy or not, I trusted her with my life. It was the little things she did which made me trust her blindly, so simple and small, yet they made the big difference.

Whenever I fell asleep in spanish class, she would make sure to stop Santana from throwing paper scraps into my hair. Whenever I had ink stains on my cheek, she would hold my chin and wipe off the spots, making my breath hitch in the process. Little things she bothered to do, which others would probably ignore because they didn't care if I looked like an idiot with paper scraps in my hair and ink stains on my cheeks.

"The way you shoot up from the couch to help Quinn making popcorn, when the most thrilling action scene of the movie is currently running. The way she drops everything when you knock on the door. The way you two always force me to rest after dinner, so you can wash the dishes together."

I had nothing to say in my defense. I wasn't ashamed. I was learning to accept these things. I had to, if I wanted to be with Quinn as more than just friends.

"A mother always knows," Judy sighed, and I looked down on the table. "A mother suspects, but doesn't want to believe. She looks at things without seeing them, she hears things without listening to them. I liked to believe that what you two had was only friendship."

I waited. I waited for the part where she told me that she had learned to accept the truth.

"But I'm done with denying, done with ignoring Quinn's dreams." The determination in Judy's voice was admirable. It meant that it wasn't an empty promise, but a real resolution to change something. "I want her to be happy now after all the time I've kept her from being so."

Inhaling deeply, she gazed at me. "And if it's being with you that makes her this happy, then I won't stand in the way anymore."

This was it. It didn't know what 'it' exactly was, but I knew it meant something big. No more blockades between Quinn and me, aside from ourselves. Now it was up to us if we wanted to make it work. It was up to me.

"Can I – can I talk to her now?" I lowly asked, my voice rough and hoarse from not being used for so long.

Judy looked at me for a while, and I was afraid that she would go back to being cold and aloof. I could understand her if she didn't want me to talk to Quinn right away, after all that I had done to her. But I just couldn't and I didn't want to wait a weekend. And I was quite sure that she would avoid me in school, so I had to try it now.

"Don't expect her to answer you," Judy finally stated, and she stood up, walking out of the kitchen. This was a hidden 'yes', and I stood up as well, leaving the kitchen to walk up the stairs. With each step I took, the dread beneath my chest grew and magnified again.

Now standing at Quinn's closed door, I was lost. There was a very slim chance that she would open the door and let me in to talk with her. But I softly knocked anyway, just to let her know that I was there. Maybe she'd mistake me for her mother and open the door?

When I got no answer, I sighed. It wasn't unexpected, there was no way that she had missed me ringing the bell and talking to her mother. She knew that it was me. She must have heard us in the kitchen, too.

"Quinn?"

My voice sounded broken, like I forgot how to talk and was making first attempts of speaking again.

I leaned my forehead against the door and closed my eyes, now talking to the wooden surface. "I understand if you never want to see me again. I can't stand my reflection in the mirror that much, too."

I let out an empty laugh that couldn't have been more depressing.

"I broke my mirror yesterday. Smashed it with my fist," I spoke against the door, "Shelby freaked out. But I'm not sure if she freaked out over the antique mirror that's in thousand pieces now, or if she was worried about the bruises on my fist."

I didn't know why I was telling her that. I didn't even know if she was listening. She might as well be sleeping or listening to music with earphones plugged in.

"Anyway, she screamed like mad, asking me why the hell I did that," I continued, shrugging my shoulders though no one could see me. "And I said I saw an ugly monster in the mirror. Like, really ugly and monster-ish. Shelby didn't seem to understand."

I had gone mad. I smiled a painful smile and sighed again.

"She never seemed to understand me that much. She doesn't even know I'm gay, I think."

I paused. Did she or did she not know? Shrugging again, I thought, who cares.

"I think no one has ever understood me much," I mused, frowning. "Not even I understand myself sometimes."

I backed away from the door, rubbing my forehead. Turning around, I leaned against the door with my back and slid down until I landed on my ass.

"But you understand me," I said, and the back of my head connected with the door. "You know how to read me. You have the patience to decode my way of thinking when others have given up on me long ago. No, not given up, they haven't even tried."

I was pathetic, I had to be. The way I drowned myself in self-pity, it was disgusting. I was dripping with it. From the tip of my hair to my toes, dripping with invisible drops of misery and it stank like hell.

"And maybe that's the real reason I got scared," I continued anyway. "No one's ever gotten that far beneath my skin. No one's ever had so much control over me without really controlling me. It was all so new to me and I didn't know how to deal with it."

Stopping, I took a deep breath.

"I still don't know how to deal with. But I'm willing to learn. I just need someone to teach me, I need you to teach me."

It was a plea, a loud and pathetic plea to take me back. But I was hurting too much to care. Might as well come clean about everything.

"Quinn, I don't know if you remember that one time I threw a pencil case against Finn's forehead." I weakly smiled at this fond memory. "I didn't run out of paper balls like I said. I just didn't like him, and that only because he was your boyfriend. I always thought that you deserved better."

Halting, I closed my eyes. "But I never considered myself being an option."

Confessions over confessions, and I still wasn't finished.

"And I don't know if you remember New Year's Eve either, but there's a reason why I didn't kiss you." Now this was a more painful memory. "Not because I didn't want to kiss you, 'cause fuck, never in my short and fucked-up life have I ever wanted to kiss someone so badly. But it wouldn't have been right. It's not what I wanted for you and me."

Here it was. Another big confession.

"You were vulnerable that moment. You just told me a big secret of yours and I didn't want to use you. And you were still with Finn at that time, and even though I don't really care about him, it's not what I want for us. I don't want us to be sneaking behind his back, I don't want to only have a part of you."

I sighed again, feeling myself getting tired. "I tell you how this would've played out."

It wasn't very hard to imagine it all, because I was sure that it would've happened this way.

"You and I steal kisses in bathrooms and closets, until you feel guilty for cheating on him and then you dump me because he's the safer bet. He's not going anywhere, he won't leave you after junior year, he's more accepted in the society of Lima. And we both will be broken-hearted, knowing that it was just a fling, but still a lot more than that. Our friendship will be damaged beyond repair, and everything we ever had will be gone."

And this thought fucking hurt, this was what I wanted to avoid, but now I had managed to come close to destroying our friendship without this scenario. And that sucked because I didn't even get to know what kissing her would be like. At least in my worst case scenario, I got to steal kisses from her.

"Quinn," I said, really hoping that she could hear all this, because I wasn't sure if I was be able to say it all again, "I won't say something stupid like we should stay friends, because this is bullshit and it never works. If it works for some people, then they've never really loved each other."

All that talk about 'we could stay friends', I never believed them. When you loved someone and had to let them go, you just really had to _let them go._ It would be nothing but self-torture if you stayed around, clinging to the last pathetic, little straws of connection with your ex in disguise of a friendship. Things like that didn't work in real life like in movies or novels or whatever. Real people weren't that tough and masochistic, no one could bear it to be around someone they desired but couldn't touch.

"I can't be just your friend anymore, 'cause it would hurt too much."

I knew that _I _couldn't bear it.

"That's why I'll let you choose. If you still want me, then I'll let you have me. Every part of me, all of me, I'll be yours. If you're still willing to take me."

And then of course, there was the other side, which I hoped she would never choose.

"If you don't – then please, tell me right away," I pleaded. "Tell me to leave, and I'll do it. At least I can stop torturing myself over 'what if's, knowing that I never had a chance in the first place."

If she did tell me to leave, I wouldn't know what to do. I would be torn between hanging myself instantly or riding my bike down the cliff or hopping on a plane to New York and skydive without a parachute.

No, but seriously, I wouldn't know how to deal with that. Yes, I'd leave, but what then? Crawl back to her on my knees, patheticly begging her to take me back?

"Quinn, it's up to you now," I weakly said. "I've laid out my cards. I don't have any up my sleeves."

Sighing, I considered getting up and leaving, never knowing if she had heard anything of my monologue at all. And even if she hadn't; it was for me, for myself, to finally come clean about everything I had never dared to say aloud.

"You know, I'm sorry that I've ruined the cliché of saying 'I love you' for the first time in a romantic moment," I added. "But at least you know it's been sincere, that it came from a raw emotional moment."

Real life was less romantic than the movies. No violines would play in the background as you inch closer to the moment where you tell someone you love them, no slow motion would stretch this moment into something more meaningful and deep.

I used to tell girls that I liked them all the time, and maybe that wasn't really comparable with 'I love you's, but it was kind of related. 'I like you', in the romantical sense, was the first supposed to be meaningful step in a relationship, and that just shouldn't be stated that lightly. It was like common, unwritten law. Nobody stated 'I like you' that bluntly. It was supposed to be a soul-searching and heart-touching moment.

So whenever I wanted to tell a girl that I liked her, I would suddenly stop in mid-sentence and become abashedly quiet. She would ask me, 'what's wrong?' and I would of course say, 'It's nothing, probably stupid' and she would keep inquiring, which I would keep dodging until I would take a deep breath, close my eyes and shyly say, 'I really like you'. And _bang, _here we had that romantic moment and she'd blush, return my fake feelings, and I'd be in her pants in no time.

But, of course, that hadn't happened since I had come to Lima. Maybe because first, I hadn't needed to confess any fake feelings to get into anyone's pants and second, I had started to feel like a real ass for doing that. That shit wasn't cool anymore.

"But if you're willing to give me another chance, I'll say 'I love you' in a more romantic setting again and we can pretend that this is the first time I've said it. I'll say it a thousand times, a million times again – so many times until you understand that I mean it."

I would even have plans for our next date. But it would only work if she gave me a chance, if she forgave me, if she took me back.

"So, Quinn," I sighed, "there's nothing I can say anymore. You know I love you. I think everybody knows, and they even knew before I did. And I'm not scared anymore, I really want to find out what we could be and I'd like to find it out with you, together."

I slowly stood up from the floor and I staggered a bit, my bottom sore from sitting on the hard ground. Turning to the door again, I said, "I'm sorry that I've been such a coward. A blind idiot. A freaking ass. I could stay here all day and make up names for myself, but I get it that you need time and distance."

Retreating one step, my voice grew louder as I continued, "But just know that I'll be there. As I promised." I awkwardly laughed at this as I got reminded of my words on New Year's Eve. "I'm trying, Quinn, I'm trying to change. I'm learning to be less of an ass, 'cause I really want to change for you. Just wanted you to know."

Heaving one last sigh, I buried my hands into my jeans pockets and walked down the stairs. There was nothing else I could do right now, I had to wait till Monday to see her and try to talk to her personally.

After I had left the house and got into my car, I didn't move for a long time as I blankly stared into the rearview mirror.

The monster in the mirror was gone. But Rachel Berry still wasn't back.

A sudden deep and buzzing noise startled me and I watched my phone vibrating in the passenger seat until it got silent again. I had gotten a message, but I wasn't in the mood for reading it. Probably just Santana or Puck, asking about any progress. And I really couldn't bring myself to reply them with a, 'I failed, again' message. It was hard enough to make myself understand that I wasn't any step closer to making up with Quinn. The only thing that happened this afternoon, which could be considered as a progress, was Judy accepting her daughter being gay and me trying to get with her.

Sighing, I reached for my phone anyway because I had nothing else to do, and I turned on the screen, reading _1 missed message(s)._

My heart stood still when I read the sender.

_Quinn Fabray:_

_I don't want you to change_


	25. Chapter 25

**Next time it's Thursday and this story isn't updated yet (because ffnet is messing with every writer again), then you'll find the chapter on my tumblr. Grr.**

**Anyway, let's pretend Quinn's all safe and sound - enjoy.**

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><p>Definitely one of my most miserable weekends, if not the most miserable one in my life. I tried comparing it to the first time my fathers had left me and I had spent the weekend alone, but it was a different kind of misery. Back then, I had someone to blame, someone to be disappointed in for leaving me alone. But now, when all arrows were pointed back at me, the anger and disappointment remained in my heart and I had nowhere to redirect them.<p>

This morning, I hadn't needed Lil' Duckie to wake me with his tweeting. I simply hadn't been asleep the whole night, tossing and turning on the bed, not able to find a comfortable position to rest.

Santana had called me at seven am to make sure that I would stand up and get to school. Well, I guessed she had tried saying that because half of the time, she had been insulting me and cursing me in Spanish. I guessed she had found out that my attempt to talk to Quinn had been a failure.

I felt heavy and slow as I mournfully trotted to my locker, ignoring all the raised eyebrows at me. Fucking hell.

I had been in this school for, like, two minutes and it was a fucking Monday, but somehow everybody seemed to know that something big had happened between me and Quinn. Rumors really had a way of spreading that fast in McKinley High, no wonder why Quinn had been so apprehensive of her reputation. But that was still no permission for them to openly stare at me and whisper in a ridiculously loud volume so that I could hear their crazy assumptions as well.

Some had the theory that our fight had something to do with the police having caught Puck and me skipping school, and that wasn't even that far away from the truth. But it remained the only close guess. Others believed that I had been pretending to be her friend to get Finn in the end, which made me want to strangle whoever had said that. And some people even thought that I had slept with Santana and Brittany, which had infuriated Quinn because the Unholy Trinity was supposed to share everything. Right.

My close friendship with Quinn was no secret, everybody knew that we were inseparable, despite our differences. It was like common knowledge that Rachel Berry gave a fuck about almost everything in school, but would turn into a book-carrying, salad-eating and spanish-homework-doing softie for Quinn Fabray.

That I was whipped was so obvious that no one even dared to point it out.

Snarling at no one particular, I slammed my locker shut and turned around, leaning against it in exhaustion.

"Yep, guess I was right when I smelled the strong stench of misery."

I sighed and turned my head to Santana who had approached me with Brittany by the hand. The Latina tilted her head. "You know, for someone who's so good in kicking my ass, you don't seem to be able to kick your own hard enough to get up."

"San, I don't think that Ray can kick her own ass..." Brittany doubtfully said, which made me smile a little. At least some normality after a horrible weekend.

Santana shook her head with a weak smile and softly explained to her girlfriend, "I meant it in another way. She told me to stop being a coward and to just be with you, and now she can't do that herself and be with Quinn. See what I mean?"

The blonde nodded in understanding and a grin spread on her face. "I totally know how to fix this."

"You do?" Santana and I asked skeptically, making Brittany giggle.

"Of course," she said with a convinced smile and I stood a little bit straighter. At this point, I was pretty desperate to gain any positive process with Quinn that I was willing to accept any advise. Even if it meant that I had to get her a stuffed unicorn or something.

"I've even prepared something," Brittany happily said, and pulled her bag to her body. As she rummaged in it, I gave Santana a questioning look, but her frown told me that she was none the wiser.

"Tadaaa," the cheery blonde sing-songed, pulling a plain white t-shirt out of her bag.

"Erm, Britts, I don't think that Berry can unpress Q's lemons with a t-shirt," Santana doubtfully glanced at the piece of clothing in her girlfriend's hands. But Brittany pouted at her and unfolded the t-shirt, holding up the front side which had big and bold black letters printed on it.

I gaped at the words it stated.

**Likes Quinn Fabray**

"It took me half an hour to get the letters right. I've written Q's name wrongly a couple of times, saying something like 'Queer Fabgay', but it's all the same, isn't it?"

The ditzy blonde waved with the t-shirt in excitement, almost shoving it into my face. "Wear it today. Wear it so that everybody can see."

I still stared at her with a dumbfounded expression. "What?"

Her smile turning into a frown, Brittany turned to her girlfriend and sadly whispered, "I thought I was pretty clear."

Almost instantly, Santana turned on her 'bitch mode' and snapped at me, "Yeah, Britts was pretty clear. What's there not to understand, Berry?"

I bit on my bottom lip and quickly shook my head, turning to Brittany with an apologetic smile. "B, I really appreciate your effort to help me, but I don't think that Quinn likes the whole school knowing about us."

Brittany lowered the t-shirt deliberately, giving me a meaningful look. "Do you think that I would've planned this if it didn't work?"

Taken aback, I simply stared at her. Even Santana forgot to scowl at me and looked at her girlfriend with big, round eyes. Maybe she was just having naughty fantasies which had nothing to do with my problem.

"Ray, I'm not good at maths, but I totally rock analysis and stochastics."

I furrowed my brows, but didn't verbally react.

"And after lots of analyzing Quinn, I came to the conclusion that the chance of exploding rainbows is close to 132 percent when you wear this t-shirt. Which means, super high, like rainbow high. In a whole nother sphere where the colorful unicorns hang out."

I opened my mouth to ask her whether she could translate it into English, but Santana gave me a threatening look which clearly stated, 'Don't ask'.

"It's easy, Ray, just take a close look at this equation," Brittany said in deep concentration and I found myself intently listening to her. "First, we need to consider the odds of miscalculation. Which is totally small, like Finn's penis small, therefore non-existant."

Suppressing a grin, I shared an amused look with Santana who smirkingly nodded in agreement.

"Okay, the first addend is Quinn's possessiveness. She's just like Lord Tubbington in that part, he can always smell when I've stroked another cat, and he always gets extremely bitchy and ignores me. You know, Quinn really doesn't like all the girls giving you sexy eyes, so it would be nice to wear this shirt to let everybody know you're whipped and Q's holding the whip. I know she likes that idea."

My mouth opening and closing, I was at a loss for words and I tried to wrap my brain around what she had said.

"How do you know?" Santana asked for me, and I could only stupidly nod to underline this question.

Brittany shrugged and easily replied, "She said that to me few weeks ago, when everybody threw themselves at you after you've rejected Jenny Mont. You know, the hot Cheerio who's San's replacement."

"She did say that?"

"Not exactly these words, but after I saw her notebook where she had drawn different kind of scenes with Jenny dying, I kind of figured it out. Quinn's always had a knack of marking her things. She used to sign every single crayon with her name."

Oh my - The berry pie. Our date on Valentine's Day. Well, not really date, but – fuck, whatever, call it date then – but on our Valentine's date, she had said that the berry pie solely belonged to her. She had already marked me as her possession back then and I had only teased her about it, not knowing how much truth it had held. Hm, fuck.

"So, by wearing this," and Brittany held up her self-made t-shirt again, "you're stating that you're Quinn's. And she will totally like it. Even if she doesn't show it 'cause she's too proud to give in that easily, but she's gonna be swooning inside."

I had to say, this idea didn't sound as absurd as it did from the beginning. But I still had my doubts.

"And where is the second addend in this term?" I carefully asked, and received a disbelieving look from Santana. I glared at her because this was important, Quinn was important.

Brittany giggled lightly and sighed. "It's like two plus two, everybody knows that the solution is the fifth root of 1024, so why do you ask?"

Yeah, why did I ask.

That was when Santana jumped in and smoothly said, "What Britts' intelligence is saying, is that every chick digs mushy stuff like this." And she pointed to the imprinted t-shirt. "It's like a big, romantic gesture and totally makes the panties drop. Berry, you declaring your sappy feelings like that to any girl – and the janitor's gonna cut you for having to clean up all the exploded ovaries."

Still unconvinced, I shot the clothing in Brittany's hands a weird look.

"C'mon, it's not like you can fuck it up anymore," Santana sighed. "What else have you got?"

Nothing. And that was the reason why I slowly reached for the shirt, and Brittany gave it to me with a happy squeal. "My master plans always work!"

* * *

><p>People had been staring at me like I was some zombie since my first period. Whereever I went, everybody stopped in their tracks and turned around, staring after me to make sure that they hadn't misread the big, fat letters <strong>Likes Quinn Fabray <strong>printed on my otherwise blank t-shirt. I kept reminding myself that I did this for Quinn, so instead of beating up everyone who gave me a strange look, I just raised my chin higher and stuck out my chest. No one could miss the message. I wouldn't let them.

Agitated whispers and incredulous stares followed me the whole time, I felt like I had done something incredibly scandalous to get such a reaction. And some jocks had even dared to ask me if that was my new method of getting into Quinn's pants after being just a friend with her for so long with no success. Don't worry, they were lying somewhere on the school grounds now, holding their probably never-healing-again genitals.

But these stupid reactions were starting to get to me, why was it that no one would fucking understand my message? It wasn't like they didn't know I had a soft spot for Quinn, it wasn't like they hadn't noticed my derp grin whenever she chose to sit next to me rather than with the Cheerios. Which happened everyday. So why did the McKinley people still gawk and stare at me like they couldn't believe their eyes?

Maybe they really thought that we were just close friends. I mean, I changed my bed partners like underwear or even faster, like chewing gum. And now suddenly, I wanted to commit myself to a seemingly straight girl. Who was still the leader of the Celibacy Club. Yeah, I'd probably assume that there was something wrong, too, if I didn't know that I was so whipped for Quinn.

But still, that gave them no right to shoot doubting looks my way or even shake their heads, mumbling, 'Probably just a joke' or 'Just trying to get into her pants'. It made me damn angry, so fucking angry that I didn't know who to beat up first and how to beat them up.

I had to calm myself down. And think.

Did Quinn already know about my t-shirt thing? Surely someone had told her, and even if not, it wasn't like she could miss it. It was like the topic number one and every other news was completely irrelevant. World War III might as well be breaking out, and people would still rather discuss about the honesty behind my statement.

As fucked up as things were right now, I still had hope. Because whenever I felt like shouting 'Fuck it' and just giving up, I would take out my phone and read the last message Quinn had written to me.

_I don't want you to change_

It literally ignited my heart everytime I saw these few words, I would immediately feel lighter and warmer. It gave me inner strength, something to hold on to.

I always strongly believed that people needed things to hold on to in their life or they would soar away, like helium filled balloons. Life needed a meaning, a ballast to keep people staying on the ground, to keep them staying _sane_. For many it was work, family, hobby or even obsessions and addictions to keep them busy. But if you had none of them to cling on to, then your life would make no sense and you'd find yourself fading because of your emptiness.

I used to rely on the bliss of sex and parties to give me something to live for, but now I had Quinn to keep me sane in a much healthier way, both physically and mentally. When I used to look forward to getting drunk and laid, I now got even more excited at the mere thought of spending time with her.

I didn't understand how this change in me had happened, and when it had happened, but I regretted nothing. I didn't regret the things I had done. I would regret the chances I didn't take.

I absolutely hated to sound cheesy and use phrases I didn't come up with on my own, but she literally was my rock, she kept me on the ground. She would always take my hand and pull me back if I threatened to float away, to lose my faith in everything.

Yes, I matured a lot in Lima, mostly because of Quinn. But at the same time, I had stayed as childish as a five year old. It was the innocence and unbiased curiosity that I got back, which made me start to look at things differently.

When I saw this sixteen year old girl wearing an argyle sweater with a reindeer printed on it, I didn't think that she had a pitiful taste in clothing. Maybe it was a present from her parents and she wanted to make them happy, or maybe argyle kept her warm because she was easily freezing. The unbeta-ed version of me would've scoffed at the poor girl and labelled her as a freak without a second thought.

I wanted to gasp in mock horror and dramatically sigh. Where did the shallow Rachel Berry go? Did anyone see this girl who used to wave every hot chick into her bed, not caring if they got less IQ than her breadsticks? What happened to her, why didn't she love to get wasted and arrested anymore?

Yep, I could try to deny it all I wanted, but my friends were right. There was an old and a new Rachel Berry. I wasn't afraid of the new one anymore, but I was scared that I would turn back into the old one when I returned to New York.

* * *

><p>Everybody knows the saying, 'Actions speak louder than words'. But only today, in this morning's Chemistry class with Puck, did I get to experience it first-hand.<p>

I had always appreciated my bromance with Puck, not wanting to do the same mistake again of taking someone's friendship and love for granted. But when he had seen my t-shirt and pulled me in for a strengthening hug without one word, that was the moment I just wanted to cry out of joy and relief.

He hadnt't asked me rhetorical questions as 'Are you okay?' or 'How are you feeling?', he just knew not to ask because it was so obvious that I was feeling like shit. There was no need for me to throw salt into the wound by stating it out loud.

So he had just held me, held me as long as he could until the lesson started and even then, he had settled for holding my hand throughout the whole period. He hadn't said one word.

And I loved that about him because we both knew better than to whisper empty promises of 'It will get better'. Sometimes it was better to not say anything at all, but to just be there.

It helped me a lot to know that Puck was there, there for me. To know that he would open his arms for me and hold me even though I was the one who screwed up. To know that he wouldn't judge me and try to understand from my perspective.

And this fact made me stronger, it gave me some of my self-confidence back, it took away some of my self-hatred.

And it made me want to fight for Quinn, now more than ever.

* * *

><p>It was lunch time, the canteen was filling and I had spent the last few minutes craning my neck, searching for a certain blonde. I would get immensely disappointed whenever I thought I had spotted her and then the girl would turn around, revealing an unknown face.<p>

I couldn't feel less like eating. I didn't feel like eating for the rest of my life.

"Stop being so fucking melodramatic," an all too familiar sniding voice behind me snarled. A tray with food dropped next to mine unceremoniously, followed by Santana sitting down next to me.

"San, that's a rude way to say she's sad."

Another tray got placed on the table on my left side, more gently this time. I watched Brittany sitting down next to me on my other side.

Great. I got sandwhiched between them two. More torture and confusion to endure.

"My bro's not sad, she's just planning on how to make up with Quinn, right?"

Finally, someone who stood on my side. I looked up and gave Puck a small smile who returned it with a grin, and he sat down opposite of me.

"Oh, plans of wooing our own Ice Queen?" a high pitched male voice said, and sure enough, Kurt plopped down next to Puck with his tray full of salad. "I'm intrigued, and if any help is required, I'm in."

Wait, I didn't say anything about any plans -

"Count me in as well." Out of nowhere, Mike turned up with Tina at his side and they sat down at our table, too. "Me, too," Tina piped up.

What the hell – I didn't ask for this, I was perfectly fine sulking on my own, what were they thinking?

"What's up?" another voice asked, and everybody looked up at Mercedes. "A short Glee meeting?"

"Nah, just everybody sticking their noses into my business," I muttered, but Kurt was louder. "We're discussing on how to help Rachel get her girl."

Oh, we were? I couldn't recall me inviting any of them into my one-sided conversation.

"Finally, I thought you'd never ask," Mercedes sighed, and she sat down at our table as well.

"What?" I hissed in annoyance. "I didn't ask for anythi -"

"What's going on here?" Artie curiously asked, our newest addition at this table.

"Nothing," I growled, but everyone else was louder.

"Oh, just talking about how Rachel can get Quinn to take her back."

"Yeah, 'cause Berry gots no balls and that's why we gotta do it for her."

"I got balls. In my locker. So my bird in there won't get bored."

"We need some badass plan, maybe handcuff them together..."

"Definitely roses. Lots of pink and red roses at their date."

"And tater tots."

"Don't forget the rainbow and unicorn decoration."

"And the condoms."

"Condoms? Why would they need -"

"STOP!" I finally exclaimed, my patience gone and it immediately got silent. But not just at our table, the whole canteen was eerily silent now and all eyes were trained on me. I had fucking enough.

I stood up and jumped on the table, facing everybody in the canteen. I let my eyes wander around, straying from one dumbstruck face to another, all looking at me expectantly.

"I'm not wearing this t-shirt as a joke," I loudly said, with no long introduction. I got straight to the point because all this staring and whispering and pointing had been straining my nerves for too long, and I just wanted them to stop.

"It's the truth. Deal with it. I don't care how, but just leave us alone. And with 'us', I mean Quinn and me."

If the air in this canteen had a taste, it would taste like disbelief and astonishment.

"And I'm sorry," I added with a sigh, "I'm sorry to all the girls I've hurt. But it's over now, there's only one girl I wanna be with."

"Prove it!" someone shouted in the crowd and it was quickly followed by lots of agreeing 'Yeah's.

"Haven't I already proved it the last few weeks?" I countered back. "Haven't I rejected you all?"

Abashed silence filled the canteen again and I smiled without humor. I thought so.

"You don't have to believe me," I said and shrugged my shoulders, "but my t-shirt says it all. And if you can't accept that, then I can only feel sorry for you."

Lack of comprehension all over their faces, some of the students said, "Huh? Feeling sorry for us? You should be feeling sorry for yourself."

It was what I had expected and I met their stares with a steady gaze.

"Why should I? I'm not the one lying to myself," I stated, receiving confused looks. "If you can't accept others the way they are, then you obviously can't accept yourself. I feel sorry for everybody who's taking so much interest in my life, just because they don't have one of their own. I feel sorry for everybody who's trying to break us, just because they're broken themselves."

The more I said, the more embarrassed did the students of McKinley become. At this point, no one was looking me in the eye anymore, either turning their heads away or staring at their food trays.

"I'm not asking for much. I just want you to show more respect for people who want to express themselves. Just because you're living a lie, doesn't mean that you can force others to do it as well. Let people be, let yourself be. It's really not much to ask for. You don't have to do anything, you just have to stop doing things."

I paused and closed my eyes shortly. Quinn. I needed her more than ever.

"Stop making people's life miserable just because your own is miserable. Stop misdirecting the hate that's reserved for yourself. Just stop. I'm tired of having to apologize for being myself, I'm tired of justifying myself all the time. And I know you're tired of doing the same."

Embarrassed faces and lowered heads everywhere I looked, no one meeting my eyes.

It wasn't the speech of the year nor was it revolutional by any means, but I felt like I had brought over my message. There was nothing else I wanted to add. Turning around, I jumped off the table and ignored my fellow Glee members as I hurried out of the canteen. I just needed to get away, to give myself some air to breathe, some space to think.

My feet automatically took me to the auditorium, the only place in this school where I felt safe somehow. With the rows of seats all empty, I loved simply standing on the stage and pretending for one second that I was someone else, someone with less problems and sorrows. I would close my eyes and imagine that I had made it to something, that people were actually eager to sit in the audience and watch me perform, whatever I did.

My gaze flickered to the black grand piano at the side of the stage. It was calling after me, whispering my name. 'Play me, sing the pain off your chest' it said and I couldn't resist; music had always been my way of expressing my emotions when words failed to do it for me. Because even if I played with exaggerated vigor and sang with trembling emotions, no one would immediately judge me. Excellent and moving performance, they'd say. They wouldn't assume that it was my heart singing, crying to the sound of the piano.

I sat down on the piano bench and placed my fingers on ivory keys. I sang the first song that came to my mind.

"_I can't win, I can't reign, I will never win this game without you._"

The old me would've flinched at this song choice. The old Rachel Berry would've rather jumped off a cliff than sung a cheesy pop song, but I guess I wasn't the old Rachel Berry anymore.

The more I sang, the more emotional did I become. I felt myself challenging my vocal chords as I belt out, "_I can't look, I'm so blind, I lost my heart, I lost my mind without you._"

I kept my eyes closed the whole time and even when I had finished singing, I didn't dare to open them. Because it would make me realize that nothing had changed, that I was still as miserable as before.

The sudden sound of guitar strumming startled me and I jumped on my feet, whipping my head to see where the music was coming from. I walked a few steps towards the curtains and slowly pushed them aside, and I almost fell over at this sight.

It was Quinn. Quinn sitting on a stool, with a guitar on her knee and she was directly gazing at me. She had been here all along, hidden behind the curtains. She had heard me singing.

I was speechless and I tried figuring out what the look she gave me meant. She was still strumming a soft pattern and her fingers changed the chords quite fluently. She really was a quick learner, she never needed me to explain her everything twice and I couldn't help but feel proud of her.

I wanted to say something, to say anything, but she was still playing the guitar. And that was when she opened her mouth, her eyes piercing into mine, "_The smell of your skin lingers on me now._"

She was singing to me. And my heart skipped a beat at this realization. I had never heard Quinn really sing solo before, the solo numbers in Glee often got taken by Mercedes, Santana or Kurt.

"_I need some shelter of my own protection, baby."_

And I realized that this was her way of talking to me. My eyes were glued to her face and searching for any hints of what she was feeling. But she had her half-hooded eyes trained on her guitar and her eyebrows were knitted.

"_Be with myself and center, clarity, peace, serenity," _she softly sang and I didn't dare to breathe, not even wanting the most minimal noise to distract me from hearing her delicate voice.

"_I hope you know, I hope you know that this has nothing to do with you."_ And my heart ached when I saw Quinn closing her eyes as she was in pain, singing the chorus with so much emotion. "_It's personal, myself and I, we got some straightening out to do."_

Why was she singing this? Wasn't this song about breaking up and leaving for good? Was this her way of telling me that she didn't want me, kindly rejecting me?

"_It's time to be a big girl now, and big girls don't cry."_

No, I had to stop making myself crazy. I couldn't take every song too literally, I couldn't analyze it word for word and translate it into our situation. I had to focus on the main message – but what was the main message?

A desperate look appeared on my face as I looked at Quinn. Not a second later, like she had sensed my fear, she looked up and connected her eyes with mine again. And a small smile tugged at the corners of her lips.

And suddenly, I felt free, felt like falling and flying at the same time, I wanted to laugh and sob, wanted to shout and bury my face into my hands. I wanted to cry out of joy, out of relief because this misery, this teenage angst was over, it was over, finally over –

"_Yes, you can hold my hand if you want to,"_ Quinn sang and her voice trembled, "_'cause I wanna hold yours, too. We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds."_

And she stopped playing, stopped singing. And I stopped breathing. Everything after this happened so fast yet in slow motion, I watched her standing up, placing the guitar aside and before I realized it, she had shortened the distance between us, between our bodies, between our faces, between our lips.

The moment her lips melded with mine, every other part of my body went completely numb.

And fuck it, who needed big orchestras playing epic music in the background or petals of roses raining on us or fireworks exploding above our heads when I had Quinn, who made me feel like I had finally found _home_.

This skin contact was so innocent and feathery light, but it couldn't have been more intense. Just lips touching, not even moving, not even nibbling or biting, nothing. But it made my heart rate shoot up exponentially and everybody who had the slightest clue of math would know that I was on the verge of becoming Hulk.

Hands cupping my cheek, I felt Quinn adding more pressure on my lips and I almost whimpered, placing my hands on her waist. I started to softly move my mouth against hers, barely tilting my head, but it brought immense pleasure for both of us. It was almost embarrassing, the way I got turned on by mere kissing, without any tongue. Maybe we had been friends for way too long, this foreplay had been going on way too long and now all the unresolved sexual tension was unloading from itself.

The movements of our lips became more fluid, more passionate, more emotional as they remained connected, and we started not getting enough air through our nose. But at the same time, none of us wanted to pull away, so we would gasp for air for a second and quickly lock our lips again, like we were afraid that we would never get to kiss the other again.

Our panting got heavier, our kisses more bruising and desperate, our hands more active as they started going on discovery tours. I wanted to bury my hands in her golden locks to feel the silkiness of her hair, but at the same, I wanted to cup her cheeks to feel the heat of her flushed skin.

So many things I wanted to do at the same time and this needy feeling inside of me set me on fire, because I just couldn't get enough. I felt like I was under some sort of time pressure, that I would only get to touch and kiss Quinn for a few minutes before she would dissolve like a dream.

And we both seemed to think that this moment was too good to be true. We furiously worked our swollen lips against each other, with our bodies pressed together, leaving no space between us. She had one hand buried in my hair, her fingernails deliciously grazing my scalp, and the other hand tightly grabbing my shirt like her life depended on it.

Lack of oxygen made my head dizzy, but it could be just Quinn and her mad kissing skills, literally taking all my breath away. With our breaths getting shallower and shakier, we should be pulling away if we didn't want to pass out, but everything felt too damn good to stop.

Finally, as the need of air became too overwhelming, we broke away with a gasp and panted heavily.

"Quinn," I barely managed to breathe, still trying to process everything that had happened, everything that I was seeing right now.

Quinn with red, swollen lips, flushed cheeks and ruffled hair – seemed like my hands hadn't been able to resist to bury themselves in her hair. The sparkle and glow in her eyes, in her endless and soulful eyes, dancing and captivating me into a trance.

And we didn't waste another second, quickly closing the distance between us again to lock our lips together again, our mouths meeting in a searing kiss.

We didn't need to talk, didn't need to wait, we had done all of that too much already. What we needed to do now was to catch up all the lost time together, all the lost kisses and touches, all the things we could have done if we hadn't spent so much time denying and ignoring what had been right in front of us.

I didn't have to dream about kissing her anymore. I didn't have to fantasize about nibbling on her plump bottom lip anymore. I could do it now.

Gently, almost hesitantly, did I take her bottom lip between mine and let my tongue softly caress it, which elicited a small whimper from Quinn and I almost moaned at this arousing sound. This was more erotic than shrieks of ecstacy ever could be, because this was such a sensual sound, so natural and sexual.

I started to tenderly suck on her bottom lip before I carefully nibbled on it, grazing it with my teeth. Another wimper fell out of her open mouth and I quickly tilted my head again to capture her lips with mine, intending to swallow the next erotic sound coming out.

I hadn't understood before why girls made such a big deal out of the first kiss, wasn't it a kiss like any other? I had shared thousands of first kisses, they had never meant more than the second or third one. I always thought that it was just a thing for delusional girls who were watching too many cheesy teen flicks, because who the hell thought about an epic first kiss when they made out with some random stranger in a club?

And maybe the meaning of the first kiss was still exaggerated, but I could understand now why it would be so important to some people. If you shared it with the right person – it could be epic. And maybe not in the sense of mind-blowing and world-changing epic, but epic as in, 'Yes, you are the one'.

And yes, Quinn was the one.

I used to kiss girls for the hell of it. I mean, kissing was a part of making out and having sex, and I just did it to fulfill the standard. And it wasn't that I didn't enjoy it, which I really did, but purely on the physical level only. I just liked a warm mouth pressed against mine, a tongue duelling with mine, but I wouldn't feel lightheaded or dizzy, I wouldn't get this warm feeling in the pit of my stomach. It would only be my lips feeling stuff, but my heart would remain untouched.

But now, with Quinn – I felt it all in my heart and guts as well, when her lips moved against mine, they didn't only keep my mouth busy, they kept my heart racing. They made my mind foggy, made my knees weak, made my insides heat up rapidly.

I gasped when sneaky hands cupped my butt and Quinn took this chance to let her curious tongue slip into my opened mouth, immediately connecting with my eager awaiting tongue. I was too distracted by the hands massaging my bottom that I couldn't focus on properly duelling with her tongue as she took claim of my mouth. This wasn't fair, she was playing dirty by squeezing my sensitive behind, knowing that it would drive me crazy.

My hand on her back drew circles on her back, slowly and teasingly, lower and lower, until I reached her apple bottom as well, playfully slapping it before I soothingly rubbed it.

Quinn involuntarily pulled back to gasp and moan – just the reaction I had wished for, and I leaned forward to attach my lips to her neck, slowly kissing my way up to her ear. Her hands on my ass twitched, the fingers digging deeper into the jeans covered flesh. When I reached the spot beneath her ear, I tenderly kissed her there and took her earlobe between my lips, teasingly nibbling on it.

"Oh," the blonde let out a sigh in pleasure, closing her eyes as I grazed her earlobe with my teeth.

"You like that?" I lowly growled, moving my lips to her jaw, trailing down her jaw line with open-mouthed kisses. A shudder and a needy whimper was answer enough. I bet she could feel my mouth forming a smirk against her smooth skin because not a second later, her lips were on mine again, inviting me to a new dance of tongues with her. I willingly accepted, intending to show her how to really dance.

I was high. Higher than I had ever been with alcohol or pot, higher than I had ever been with planes, so high that no one would be able to reach out and pull me back to the ground. And even if they tried to pull me back, I would fight back and fly away with Quinn, because fuck, who needed reality and all that crap that came with real life; I just wanted to be with Quinn and stay high forever.

Kissing her was like kissing all the misery goodbye. She really made me feel like I was kissing someone for the first time, not because of the inexperience. But because I had never felt so _good _by just kissing someone, I had never felt so warm and lightheaded, never so content and happy.

I wasn't wasting one thought about taking it to the next stage, quite the other way around – I was scared to think about what would happen next. I didn't want to ruin this perfect moment, I was perfectly happy with just kissing her, I considered myself pretty lucky to be able to kiss her right now. I didn't want to start wondering about how far she would want to go, didn't want to be distracted as I was bonding with her through our lips.

And even if she wanted to go further – I wasn't ready. It probably sounded ridiculous, coming from the one more sexually experienced, but I just wasn't ready for us to jump to the next level. Quinn deserved to have the chance to back out of this relationship before she regretted losing her virginity to me.

I couldn't count how many times I had tried to imagine how it would be like to kiss her, and when to kiss her, and where I kissed her. I always had had more romantic places in my mind, but now that I thought about it, the stage of the auditorium was the perfect place.

The stage was one of the few places where we felt safe, where we felt like we belonged. Whenever New Directions rehearsed their performances here, Quinn and I would get lost into the music, shutting all our walls down. The only moment where we could forget about everything else going on in this cruel world, the only moment where we weren't thinking, weren't pretending. We could be ourselves.

Whether it was magic or divine power that broke our masks and made our true selves shine when we stood on this dim lit stage, I didn't know. I didn't want to know. The magic would fade if I knew.

Pulling away from the kiss, we both panted heavily and took in each other's flushed faces.

The more I looked at Quinn and in her sparkling eyes, the more I fell in love with her. She had me completely captivated and I finally accepted that there was no way out. I didn't want a way out, I didn't want a Plan B.

Cracking a silly grin, I drew a shaky breath and watched her lips curving up into a smile. Our foreheads touched each other, our eyes were closed and we just happily giggled under our breath. I took her hands into mine and our fingers intertwined.

We stayed in this position for God knows how long, just enjoying each other's proximity. Perfectly content with just being with each other.

We found love in a hopeless place was all I could think of.

And right there, right at this moment, I had decided not to go back to New York when junior year ends. Not without Quinn. I could graduate here as well, I could try to re-connect with Shelby, I could make a change in McKinley, hell, in Lima even. Though I would terribly miss New York, I knew I would miss Quinn more and I had priorities now. And I could still visit my friends in school breaks.

No, I wouldn't leave Lima without Quinn. Not now that I had found her.

**THE END.**

**Kidding :D Their relationship is still too fragile to leave it at that. And everybody who wants a happy alternative ending of 'On My Way', I wrote a Crack!Fic called 'The Unedited Wedding Scene'.**

**Anyway, here you got your Faberry Kiss after...counting...24 chapters. Pew. I'm kinda grinning because you all were so nervous about the kiss though you knew they would get together in the end :D **

**Yeah I know, I'm evil. I love you, too.**


	26. Chapter 26

**Pure Faberry chapter. 'Cause we deserve it. Six weeks of waiting is tough enough.**

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><p>I had been in a daze since I had kissed Quinn few hours ago. My brain had finally said goodbye and left my head to go on vacation. My mind was blissfully blank as I let the classes pass me by, grinning like an intoxicated fool the whole time. The teachers gave me worried and suspicious looks, thinking that I was doing drugs, but I couldn't care less. Yeah, I was high, high on Quinn though and that was thousand times better and more addictive than any drug.<p>

I couldn't wait to see her again. I had tried to convince her to skip school with me and she had almost agreed, if it weren't for some freaking teacher stumbling into the auditorium by accident.

I just wanted to hold her again because this time, I'd be holding her as a lover and not a friend anymore. This thought excited me so much, I could barely breathe and I had received weird looks throughout the afternoon because I would sometimes gasp for no apparent reason.

By the time the school bell rang for the last time, I was buzzing with anticipation and _swoosh_, I was gone before the teacher could assign any homework. Like I would've done them, pff.

And seemed like I wasn't the only one eager to get out of school because as I stumbled round the corner, I almost collided with a certain blonde. Not wasting one second, she threw her arms around me and I happily hugged her waist, squeezing her tightly.

Various tunes of happy songs played in my mind, and I wanted to loudly sing along to them. So loud that everybody in this universe could hear me – well, maybe not that loud because then I wouldn't be able to hear Quinn anymore.

Contently sighing, Quinn and I slowly pulled away from each other, but our eyes stayed locked together and we grinned at each other like there was no tomorrow.

"You're still wearing that shirt," she stated with a big smile, her eyes lingering on the printing **Likes Quinn Fabray **on my shirt.

"And you're still beautiful," I playfully shot back. Giggling, her eyes darted to mine again, sparkling with such bright intensity that it made me dizzy. How could someone express so much with their eyes only?

"You're still a charmer," she retorted with a laugh, lightly tugging at the hem of my shirt. I shortened the distance between us before I slowly said, "And you're still twice as gorgeous up near."

I had said it without thinking, but the feeling of déjà vu overwhelmed me, sucking all the air out of my lungs. Blurred pictures of old memories flickered before my eyes, and I remembered how I had once told her this and made her cry. My features slackened and I watched with worry how Quinn's expression changed, giving me a touched smile as her eye lids were erracticly fluttering.

"And you still know how to move me, making me feel like I'm special," she whispered, her eyes roaming my face, trying to soak in everything that I was.

And I didn't know how she could say things like that when I felt like being the one whose heart got squeezed and touched. She was the one moving me, she had been the only one who was able to. For so long, I had managed to stay unattached to so many girls, but then Quinn crashed into my life and turned everything upside down.

"Come," I breathed and took her hand, wanting to get out of here. She and I had so many things to catch up with, so many things left unsaid and undone, and I still had the feeling of being under time pressure. I just wanted to have as much time as possible with Quinn, wanted to be with her every second but then again, I didn't want to become too clingy and dependent on her.

I was ready to explode with all the feelings buried inside of me, I wasn't used to so many emotions at the same time. Let alone so many happy feelings. I was one ball of pure positive energy, I almost felt supernatural with all the blood hotly rushing through my veins.

"Where are we going?"

I didn't know. Just somewhere where I could be with her without anyone interrupting us.

"My place?" I offered her in an insecure voice.

Maybe things were going too fast? What were we supposed to do at my place? Kiss and make out?

No, I didn't want Quinn to think that I was all about physical pleasure. She might not know it, but I always enjoyed listening to her quietly reading to herself when she tried to learn new spanish vocabularies. There was something sensual about the way she let the 'r's roll off the tongue, and I could never concentrate around her when she did that.

"Are we going to be alone?" Quinn playfully asked and I almost choked on my breath at this innocent question. What the hell was wrong with me?

"Yeah," I managed to breathe, and before I realized it, I got pulled into the direction of her car.

_I'm so whipped._

–

I wanted to take it slow, really, I didn't want to ever pressure Quinn into anything, but she was making things so hard. Maybe I should stop moaning for a second and tell her not to suck on my bottom lip if she knew what was good for her. But hell, I had never had much resistance against Quinn and things weren't going to change any time soon, especially not now that I got her mouth leaving a trail of hot kisses on my neck.

A sneaky hand slipped beneath my shirt and teasingly stroked my abdomen, and as if this wasn't enough, Quinn eagerly sucked at my neck and made sure to bruise the skin with her teeth. I was pretty sure she was leaving a huge hickey there, marking me as hers. Not that I minded, but I wasn't a fan of wearing a scarf tightly wrapped around my neck because then it would be even more obvious that I had a hickey there.

Her wandering hands, I could tolerate, but when she arched her lower body into mine and grinded into my crotch area – that was too much to take.

"Quinn," I gasped, closing my eyes in pleasure as arousal shot through my body. "Quinn, we really need to – _oh!_"

"Need what?" I felt her mumble against my neck and if I weren't so turned on right now, my eyes would probably be bulging out at the innocence in her voice – like she didn't know that she had just put her hand over my bra-covered breast.

"We need to -" I just couldn't get out what I wanted to say, not with her suddenly adding pressure on my breast, almost massaging them. For someone in the Celibacy Club, Quinn had little inhibition when it came to touching. And for someone who had only dated boys before, she sure knew how to make a girl lose her mind in the most delightful way.

"We need to...?" Quinn askingly trailed off, but I didn't think she expected me to answer when soft hands started stroking my sides, effectively distracting me from giving her an answer.

I had to get my mind back. I had to gain control of this situation again, because first, we were in the living room, lying on a couch and that wasn't a really safe place to make out with no interruptions. Shelby could come home any second and we had been too preoccupied to make it to my bedroom. I had wanted to, but it would've been difficult to walk up the stairs with Quinn's tongue in my mouth.

"RING! RING!"

My eyes snapped open and I groaned at this irritating ring tone. I didn't know why I had chosen this ring tone in the first place.

"Ignore it," Quinn whispered against my skin and I wanted to reply that I had never intended to pick up, but I got silenced with her mouth pressed on mine. Yep, pretty awesome way to get silenced.

"RING! RING!"

It kept ringing for at least one minute, but my phone remained abandoned on the coffee table. When it stopped annoying us with its piercing noise, we sighed in relief and kept making out until it suddenly rang again.

"Hmpf," Quinn grunted and buried her head in my neck, her hands now lying limp on my upper body. "Whoever that is, pass on to him or her that I'm gonna kill them."

"'Kay," I groggily replied, still very much turned on and unable to form coherent sentences. I reached out to the coffee table with one shaking arm, blindly grabbing for my phone which still rang.

"Yeah?" I more or less grumpily grunted when I answered.

"_Ha, totally knew that you were getting your mack on now. And to think that you've been moping around just few hours ago, all miserable and melodramatic." _

Oh how much I wanted to kill Santana right now.

"_So, how does it feel like to unpress Q's lemons?"_

I didn't directly answer to that, just hummed neutrally. When Quinn raised her eyebrows questioningly, I mouthed 'Santana' and rolled my eyes. She grinned at me.

"_Q can pretend to be all Virgin Mary, but she' ain't no fooling no one. Been tired of smelling her wet panties whenever you did something disgustingly mushy for her."_

"Is there something important you wanna tell me or did you just call to annoy me?" I sighed and played with Quinn's golden locks while she gave me lazy smiles.

"_Yep, pretty much called you to cock-block you. But now that you mention it, Britts wants us to go on a double date. So you coming or coming?"_

This was Brittany we were talking about. And now that Quinn and I were dating for real, there was no escape out of this double date. I lovingly stared at the blonde lying on top me who had her head resting on my chest now. A new rush of happiness filled my heart and I looped an arm around Quinn's waist, squeezing her closer to me.

"_Berry, stop eye-sexing Q and agree."_

"I wasn't – alright, I'll ask her first."

"_Now c'mon, like you have the choice of saying no."_

Ignoring her, I lowered the phone and smiled at Quinn. "Double date, you and me, Santana and Brittany. Yes or yes?"

She pretended to deliberate and after a short while, she said, "Double yes" with a light laugh. Chuckling with her, I playfully tapped her nose and set the phone to my ear again, replying, "Yeah, we in."

"_Good. You can go back to unclasping Q's chastity belt, it's about damn time someone fixes her leaking problem."_

That was the closest thing to 'Goodbye' I'd ever get from Santana, so I ended the call with a sigh.

"Was she being her charming self again?" Quinn asked with a grin, and I nodded, still frustrated that Santana had chosen this moment to call us. She was fully aware that we had made up in school and were now busy making out. How cruel.

"I know how to make you feel better," the blonde seductively whispered and my breath hitched at the sexy edge her voice had gained. Just as we were about to kiss again, the phone in my hand started to ring again.

Both groaning in frustration, my head dropped back onto the couch and hers back onto my chest.

"Yes," I hissed into my phone, thinking of ways to kill Santana if it turned out to be her again.

"_Whoa, bro, I thought you got things worked out with Quinn?"_

My annoyed expression softened at the recognition of Puck's voice and I sighed, "Yeah, I have. Sorry, Noah, it's just – you know, bad timing."

I felt Quinn nodding against my chest and I had to smile at that.

"_Damn, you doing the nasty? After being together for, like, four hours? You got game, babe."_

"No!" I quickly said, partly amused, partly indignant that he thought that. "Y'know, we're taking things slow." Not really.

"_Ha, knew that you're so whipped, bro. When Santana texted me that few seconds ago, I just had to call you myself to see if it's true."_

Okay. Now I seriously had the urge to kill Santana. She had done this on purpose! Setting up Puck to keep interrupting us, very clever, Ms Lopez.

"_Anyway, there's something that might interest you. You know Jewfro? Huge afro, nerdy kid with glasses?"_

"Yeah?" I absently replied, stroking Quinn's cheeks with my free hand. I was still amazed at the soft feeling of her smooth skin under my fingertips. She purred in contentment and I smiled at that.

"_He uploaded lots of photos of you wearing that 'Likes Quinn Fabray' t-shirt few hours ago, and some of them somehow got on Facebook. You might wanna check your wall. Crazy posts."_

Holy shhh...he didn't need to say more and I hastily choked out, "I'll call you later, alright?"

"_Want me to beat him up? He lives few blocks down my place."_

"No, it's fine, I'll do that myself tomorrow," I growled and with that, I ended the phone call and quickly opened the Facebook app on my phone.

"What's wrong?" Quinn worriedly asked, immediately propping herself up on her elbows to see the display of my phone as well.

I cringed at the sixty or so notifications, all telling me that people had posted on my wall or tagged pictures with my name. Just to see how big the damage was, I clicked to see my wall and my eyes widened at the messages. Mostly from people back in New York.

"_Who the fuck is Quinn Fabray? Is that why you left me?"_

"_I bet I'm way hotter than that Quinn girl. Call me when you're bored again."_

"_Is that a joke?"_

"_I will get you in the end, you can't deny our love forever."_

"_NOOO! YOU ARE MINE!"_

"_I'll be waiting, as long as it takes for you to realize that you belong with me."_

"_Finally, somebody got her tamed. Been tired of her snatching away the good girls."_

"_Hot. Call me for a threesome."_

I didn't dare to keep scrolling down because by the time we had read the tenth declaration of love from a random girl I didn't even know I had in my friends list, Quinn was growling with annoyance.

"You have your ex-girlfriends in your friends list?" she disbelievingly said and slowly sat up. I knew what she was trying to do, she wanted to distance herself from me. I couldn't have that, after all I had gone through to finally be with her.

"They're not my ex-girlfriends!" I quickly said and sat up straight as well, putting away my phone. "I've honestly never even heard half of their names. Jake sometimes messes with my account and accepts all their friendship requests, and Kate thinks it's funny to give my number to strangers and even Nikki _accidently _drops my address in front of senior girls from time to time..."

Quinn narrowed her eyes at me, pursing her lips. "And you don't notice when you suddenly have more friends in Facebook than before?"

Sighing, I tried to patiently reply, "Do you notice a dollar missing when you've got hundreds of them?"

Deflating, her tense shoulders dropped and she shook her head at herself. "I'm sorry," she whispered and looked away. Frowning, I moved closer to her and took her hands into mine, softly kissing the back of her hands.

"Hey," I breathed against the soft skin beneath my lips, "you know that I only have eyes for you. To be honest, they pretty much haven't strayed away from you since the moment I met you."

Hazel eyes blinking rapidly, Quinn stared at me like she couldn't believe me and I frowned when her expression of doubt stayed. "What's wrong?"

She hesitantly bit on her bottom lip before she replied, "So you've liked me from the beginning?"

I scrunched up my eyebrows in thought, then nodded slowly. "Yeah, I've always had this crush on you."

The blonde continued to stare at me with disbelief and that was when I got uncomfortable under her instense gaze. Finally, after a few tense seconds, she suddenly blurted out, "And how – why, I mean, you never – why did you never tell me?"

I thought it was pretty obvious. The crush I mean _and _the reason why I never told her. You just didn't tell people you crushed on that you had a crush on them. And I didn't take it very serious at that time because as I had once said, I easily got infatuated with pretty girls and I thought that Quinn was one of those short-lived infatuations. How mistaken I was.

"Quinn," I sighed, trying to find a way of tactfully explaining it to her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings by saying that I had thought she was just one of my countless crushes.

"I said it once, I'll say it again. I'm not good with reading emotions, including my own. I thought what I felt for you was pure platonic affection." And it was one hundred percent the truth.

But Quinn still looked at me skeptically. "And is it 'pure platonic affection' that you feel for Kate? Or are you going to realize that you've crushed on her since the first time you met her?"

Flabbergasted, I stuttered a few times before I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.

"It wouldn't matter," I lowly said, and before Quinn could reply in hurt, I immediately added, "because I love you."

For someone who had already heard me confessing my love for them, she still seemed to be caught off guard. Again.

I leaned forward with my face, brushing my lips against hers before I whispered against her mouth, "I love you and nothing else matters."

Quinn tilted her head and captured my lips in a passionate kiss, like she was trying to tell me sorry and maybe something more. And all that mattered in this moment was her, her being here with me, her having chosen me. It meant more than she knew, because she could've gone the easy way by staying with Finn. She didn't have to choose me, she didn't have to go through all the trouble of choosing a girl whose past consisted of dealing with shit by doing more shit.

And now, Quinn was here, here with me because she saw something in me that I had never seen. When I looked back into my past, I would only see the shitty things which had happened to me - my birth mother ignoring me for seventeen years, my fathers leaving me at twelve, living in the apartment alone for two years before I found real friends. Yes, I had had butler Jerry to take care of me at that time, but the only things he did for me was cooking, cleaning, washing my clothes, driving me to school. Beyond that, he had never really _looked after _me.

And Quinn - she would take my hand and demand me to close my eyes, and then she'd remind me of why I should actually be grateful for what I have. These things that happened to me; they made me who I am. I was stronger now because I had wasted too much time feeling the opposite, and I was self-confident now because I hated the feeling of being insecure.

She taught me how to appreciate what I had. Because people tended to forget what they had until they didn't have it anymore. I really shouldn't be uttering a word of complaint when Artie had such a tough life in his wheelchair. Whenever he tried to downplay his situation with a smile, it made my insides ache because I knew his smile was fake and I knew that if I were in the same situation, I wouldn't be even able to pull a fake smile.

Quinn made me see that my past wasn't anything to be ashamed of or afraid of, because it really wasn't. It could've been worse, there were so many kids with tougher stories out there, I felt like I had no right to whine about mine when I actually had three loyal friends to support me all the way, a large bank account, a healthy mind and body. And now a wonderful girlfriend. Such an amazing girlfriend, alone the thought kept overwhelming me.

She could say it as many as times as wanted, about not wanting me to change, but I already had. For good. If I had continued living my old life-style full of bad habits and unhealthy obsessions, I would've sooner or later ended up in a grave. And I would've emotionally died a thousand times before that.

Slowly pulling away from the kiss, Quinn leaned her forehead against mine. We had our eyes closed and I could hear her ragged breathing.

"I love you, too."

My heart almost exploded at this, and I fought the urge to jump up and do a silly dance around the living room. Because all this pent up energy, all this excitement from finally realizing that she, Quinn Fabray, was indeed my girlfriend now, it kept pushing me to edge of bursting out in random expressions of happiness. I wanted to drive around in Lima, now, and scream my feelings through the megaphone that Sue had given me as a Christmas present. So that everybody would hear and listen, even if they didn't like what they heard at all. I'd be tempted to pass Finn's house as many times as possible.

Quinn shifted on my body, turning her hazel eyes on me. I loved the swirling motions in them, it made me really believe that her eyes were shining full of love when I had used to scoff at this term of expression before. I had never believed that eyes could show emotions, but then again, I had never believed myself to fall in love.

"I'm sorry that I made that unfounded assumption," she slowly said and it took me a while to remember what she was talking about. When I did, I hummed back in response, already forgotton about her small display of jealousy because I was still buzzing with joy over her declaration of love.

"But it's always driven me mad when – when I saw you with another girl that wasn't me," she confessed. Surprised, I shifted on the couch a bit and leaned back to see her expression. She gave me a forced smile when she continued, "I blamed it on my protective nature at first. Said to myself that I didn't want you to get hurt. Then I used moral as an excuse, you know, that it's not fair to those girls who get their hopes up around you."

I bit the inside of cheeks, not knowing what to say. She was right to a point; I hadn't been very considerate about their feelings when I had pursued them, but to my defense, I had made pretty clear that I only got involved in one time things.

"But truth was, I was the one getting my hopes up around you," Quinn said with a lopsided smile, reaching out with one hand to touch my cheek and I leaned in to the touch, purring contently. "I guess I've always had these possessive tendencies towards you."

And I smirked at that, though I didn't reply. I wanted to hear more and if I teased her, she would stop talking and avoid the topic.

"Rachel, you probably don't know," Quinn nervously started and I quickly readied myself for whatever confession she was going to make, "but I had a hard time accepting myself before I surrendered to the fact that I liked you more than as a friend."

My throat getting dry, I swallowed a few times before I nodded to her, urging her to go on.

"At first, I couldn't understand what was going on," she said, her voice getting lower and lower, and she had me straining my ears to hear her better, "I didn't know what I was missing because I never had it in the first place. But then you came around and made me question everything."

I clenched my fists, willing my heart rate to slow down because I couldn't hear her over the wild pounding of my heart.

"I was content with Finn sometimes treating me to a dinner. I was fine with him occasionally complimenting my looks, I appreciated his attempts at romance and I liked his appeal as the quarterback." Quinn seemed to fight with herself, wringing her hands, before she deeply sighed.

"But then you came and gave me a taste of something much better. And suddenly, everything Finn did wasn't enough anymore. I found myself comparing his every move with yours," she slowly said with many pauses. I was afraid to do the slightest move, afraid that I would break the trance she had slipped in.

"When he took my hands, I thought about yours. How they fit mine so perfectly. How warm they were, giving me strength and support. How you massaged the back of my hand with your thumb, making me feel special with this simple gesture."

I was too stunned to blush. The little things she had noticed which I had done without realizing them.

"When he laid an arm around me, I thought about how you would never put the whole weight of your arm on my shoulder. When he told me I was hot, I thought about you telling me I was gorgeous. When he hugged me, I thought about how your hugs made me feel safe and not trapped. Everything, every move he did and every word he said, I kept comparing him to you."

My throat was too dry to swallow and I didn't know what to feel right now. I never had been on the receiving end of such confessions, such heart-burning admissions, mind-boggling truths. Now I knew why Quinn felt so desperate for adequate words describing her inner conflict whenever I had told her such meaningful things, subconsciously drowning her with compliments and love.

"Then I stopped comparing him to you," Quinn lowly said. "I stopped comparing his actions with yours. I started to think about yours only. I started to reject him and let you in instead. And when I heard the things you said to Finn on Valentine's Day, I knew it was long overdue. I broke up with him by sending him a message."

Letting out an empty laugh, she shortly added, "And that's how things have come full circle. Our fake relationship started with him asking me out per text message."

Was I supposed to say something? Was I supposed to react to that at all? I couldn't find the strength to move any of my frozen limbs.

"Rachel," she breathed, yet I heard it loud and clear because all my senses were so fixated on Quinn. "What I've been trying to say all along is..." And she trailed off to collect herself, shortly closing her eyes, her eyebrows furrowed.

"He can fulfill my wishes," Quinn whispered before she looked me straight in the eye and said with a stronger voice, "but you surpass my dreams."

And I was speechless.

I couldn't – words failed to describe what I felt.

Nothing could ever describe what I was feeling right now because words were so plain, so little in meaning compared to the abstract power of feelings. How was someone able to transform invisible and transcendental motions into lyrical forms? You could try to explain love with as many adjectives and paragraphs as you wanted, but no one would ever understand it unless they experienced it themselves.

So I just stared at her like time had stood still, like the world had stood still, and nothing around us even mattered anymore because it really didn't.

I wished for once that physics would work in my favor, that I could stretch a second into an eternity, just so I had enough time to marvel at Quinn's face and everything she was. No, eternity wasn't enough because I'd find more and more wonderful things about her the more I looked at her, never ceasing to amaze me. She would make me wonder again and again, how someone could get so close to perfection without becoming unreal.

And in this moment, I was so grateful that I had lost my heart to the right person.


	27. Chapter 27

**Uhm, a fluffy chapter with no significant plot, I somehow strayed away. Been thinking about cutting this chapter, but then again I wanted to show the McKinley people's reaction to Faberry. And I don't cut Faberry scenes. Warning? Very AU.**

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><p>It shouldn't be such a big deal, but it was. Looking at Quinn, I searched for encouragement from her, but she looked fidgety as well.<p>

We both sat in my car, parked in the school parking lot, not sure waiting for what. We were supposed to go into school for our first class, but we remained frozen in our seats.

"This is it," she breathed, and I jerkily nodded.

We would be entering McKinley as a couple this time, and judging from the reactions from Facebook, a lot of curious looks and secretive whispers were going to become our steady companions for the next few weeks. And we weren't ready for that. We didn't want our private life to become hot topic, gossip theme number one.

When Santana had come out with Brittany, she hadn't been able to get one moment of peace with her girlfriend. Jewfro kept following them around, asking for juicy details and jocks kept openly leering at them, whistling after them whereever they went. The hype around them only stopped two weeks later, when everybody got used to seeing Santana giggling into Brittany's mouth during lunch.

And I wasn't ready for that shit. I had a feeling that my relationship with Quinn would be a much bigger deal because hello – Quinn Fabray, still leader of the Celibacy Club, Head Cheerio, ex-girlfriend of the quarterback, very much the symbol of a pure Christian girl – dating Rachel Berry? The one who was the female version of Puckerman? The one who didn't do _dating_?

It was a lot to process, even for myself. I still couldn't believe my luck of having the privilege to _date _Quinn. Because let's face it, she was absolutely gorgeous and she could have anyone she wanted, but she chose me. Me, could you believe that? Me, a big fuck up with a big mouth and a big ego. I was too proud to let my self-consciousness hang out and say that I didn't deserve someone like her, but this nagging feeling of insecurity would always be there.

Because, I mean, what was I compared to her? I was just a gay chick trying to find my place on earth, disoriented and directionless, pretty much without any clue of what I wanted in life. I wasn't special in any way, wasn't academicly smart, didn't have a fascinating personality, hadn't ever achieved big accomplishments which would be considered impressing. Having slept with half of the girls' volleyball team back at my old school was hardly an achievement that would make a talent scout raise an affected eyebrow.

And then there was Quinn – I couldn't even breathe. Not only stunningly gorgeous – almost scaringly perfect at this point – but so multi-faceted in personality. You couldn't describe her character with a few words, with simple adjectives, you just couldn't describe Quinn with words at all. It would be an insult to her and everything she stood for.

Of course I had to fall in love with a girl with the ability to reduce me into a sap with inferiority complexes. I had been asking for it, really, with all the exaggerated shows of being such a badass, it was just a matter of time 'till someone threw their lasso around my pride and had me tamed.

"Rachel?"

I startled in my seat and whipped my head around, staring at Quinn. She gave me a small smile and my heart skipped a beat at this.

"I love you."

A big, silly grin that stretched from ear to ear appeared on my face and I leaned towards her, planting a full kiss on her smiling lips before I whispered against them, "I love you, too."

"We can do this," Quinn lowly said, slightly leaning back, but I followed her and captured her bottom lip between mine. This was much better than going to school, I hoped I could convince Quinn to see it that way as well with a few more persuasive kisses.

"Mhm, Rach, we need to -" Quinn didn't get to finish her sentence as I lightly bit on her bottom lip before I soothingly licked it, softly sucking on it. She throatily moaned and buried one hand in my hair, pulling my head closer to hers.

A sudden knock on the window of the car startled the crap out of us, making us jump apart.

"Who the fuck -" I growled, looking to my left to see a gleefully smirking Santana waving her hand.

"She's so dead," I heard Quinn mutter next to me in irritation.

Humming in grim agreement, I forcefully opened the car door and stepped out, slamming the door shut as loudly as I could.

"Had fun watching us?" I said through gritted teeth, glaring at the snickering Santanawho kept suggestively wiggling her eyebrows between me and Quinn who had gotten out of the car with a deep scowl.

"Yep," she cheerily said, "seeing the Celibacy Club captain about to get it on in a car with a midget is pretty funny."

"We weren't – "

"Whatever, I'm hot and you were getting your mack on, fact is fact. Don't try to ruin the balance of the universe by disagreeing with the almighty Ms Lopez."

Quinn and I raised an eyebrow at her, which made Santana roll her eyes.

"Great, now they even do things in sync," she sighed. "What's next? Matching clothes? Matching calendars? Don't tell me you wanna get promise rings, I might have to barf at that."

I protectively took Quinn's hand and retorted, "Then what are you gonna do when Brittany asks for promise rings?"

Santana looked taken aback for a moment, before she uneasily laughed, "No, she won't."

The words 'I think' lingered heavily in the air and I smirked as I had found her weakness.

"Well, she told me that her favorite song is 'Single Ladies' by Beyonce. And you do know the message in this song? Hm? She kept singing one particular line, you know, something with 'should've put a ring on it'."

I was evil. I knew. If Santana had kept her cool, she would've noticed that these were all just lies, not even good ones. But the more I had said, the more nervous did she become and all traces of her gloatful smirks were gone.

When I felt my right hand being squeezed, I was met with an amused smile from Quinn and I grinned back at her, playfully winking. She blushed and my insides fluttered at the cuteness of this sight.

"Did she – did she really sing that?" Santana stuttered and I would've paid a grand to be able to film this. Her features slack, her eyes widened and her mouth opening and closing. Fantastic.

"She didn't really sing it..." I deliberately trailed off, "she sang _and _danced to it."

I could feel Quinn stifling her laugh, tightening her grip on my hands to release some of the pressure building up. It was glorious, no, absolutely _amazing_ to see Santana slowly loosing her cool, starting to freak out over empty lies. Payback's a bitch. She shouldn't have messed with me. Especially not when I was busy kissing my girlfriend.

"Mhm, Rachel, I think we should go to class now," Quinn pointedly said, and we shared a grin over the shell-shocked Santana.

"Yeah, you're right. You coming, Santana?"

She barely nodded, still in trance. Deciding not to be too hard on her, I linked my free arm with hers and made her tag along, whether she wanted or not. She hardly paid any attention as her feet stumbled all the way to the school.

"Brittany will be so happy," Quinn whispered into my ear before she pecked me on my cheek, leaving tingling sensations there. Humming with a smile, I fondly looked at her. "Have I ever told you that you're beautiful?"

She blushed and lightly laughed, "Only a couple of times every day."

"Well, can't let you forget that," I said with a big smile. "I'm the mirror who always tells you that you're the fairest one of all."

Positively beaming and cheeks reddening, she gave me a smouldering look of affection before she lowly replied, "That's so sweet. Quoting a fairy tale."

If that was her way of smoothly saying that I was a softie for fables, then I had to quickly clear that misunderstanding. "I wasn't quoting anything," I frowned, "I was only telling the truth." My twitching lips betrayed me and Quinn laughed at that, flattered yet abashed at all the compliments she was getting.

On my other side, Santana was still oblivious to anything outside her racing mind.

As we entered the school, something extraordinarily strange happened. Both Quinn and I stood still, frozen, while the Latina didn't notice much in her dazed state. What the -

You see, the strange thing that was happening right now was that – nothing was happening.

We weren't surrounded by horny jocks, weren't threatened by jealous girls, weren't even bothered by Jewfro. No hateful words about us being a sin, no one shouting 'dyke' at us, no one I would have to beat up.

Students hurrying to their classes, students lingering at their lockers, casually chatting. They didn't seem to have noticed us. Maybe it wasn't as bad as I had thought, maybe not everyone knew that Quinn and I were dating now, maybe it had stayed only a rumor.

"What's up," a jock greeted me with a friendly smile on his way to his first class and I dumbly nodded back to him. "Hi, Quinn," he added with a casual hand wave before he walked off.

Quinn stared after him, furrowing her eyebrows before she turned to me. "Maybe they don't know?"

"Hot," and we watched with wide eyes how another boy in his football jersey winked at us without leering. "'Bout time."

With that, he left us all confused and surprised. Before we could dwell too much on that, a girl had appeared in front of us and she seemed to be less friendly than the boys.

"Of course, what am I compared to Fabray?" she snarled, scrutinizing Quinn with a look of contempt. The blonde simply stared back, too stunned to be indignant at the open display of dislike.

"Listen, blondie," the unknown girl hissed to Quinn and I warily watched the one-sided interaction between them, "I'll be watching you. I'll be waiting for you to make a mistake and then I'll swoop in and have Ray-Ray all to myself."

My mouth dropping open, I finally understood what this was all about without really understanding why. I had never seen this girl before and to be honest, she wasn't pretty enough to be on my radar. And I cringed at the cruel nickname. Ray-Ray? That was a new low for me.

"And you," the crazy girl pointed at me, now with a supposed to be seductive smile on her lips, "you'll be mine. Just wait."

Giving the dazed Santana a suspicious look, she added, "And you better not set your eyes on my woman either."

The Latina just absently mumbled "Put a ring on it" in reply.

The manic girl cackled and shot me a last crazed look, "That's right, I will." And with that, she skipped away and left me completely dumbfounded.

Quinn slowly turned to me and raised her eyebrows. "Should I be worried?"

I grimaced at this. "You? I should be the worried one. That girl is insane and I've never seen her before and she's just threatened my girlfriend. I'm very much scared for us both, really."

When Quinn didn't reply but chose to giggle instead, I frowned at this unusual reaction. "I wouldn't underestimate the power of girls with stalkerish tendencies."

"No, it's not that," the blonde sighed with a grin. "You're so cute. And you called me your girlfriend."

My frown deepened before my features went slack. "I hope I haven't pushed -" I began to ramble, afraid that I had gone too far.

"No!" Quinn quickly stopped me with a finger on my lips and I gave her a hurt puppy dog look. She just laughed and shook her head. "No, I like it. Correction, I love it. As much as I love you."

Happy again, I leaned in to kiss her before I reminded myself that we were still in the hallways. But Quinn seemed to have sensed my hesitation and moved the last few inches, closing the remaining distance between our lips.

This feeling was amazing. Not having to hide, not having to be afraid of being scrutinized.

No one seemed to take much interest in our public display of affection, acknowledging us with a short glance before they minded their own business again. It was like they had never seen anything else than us kissing in the hallways, like it was an usual occurrence that was hardly worth mentioning.

"What? How the hell did I get here? And why are you sucking each other faces? Again?"

I swear, I was going to kill Santana someday. It was like she was born to ruin every kiss between me and Quinn.

Sighing, we reluctantly pulled away from our kiss and simultaneously turned to Santana to shoot her a glare. She defensively held up her hands, "It's only fair to cock-block you. I'm still not over the fact that Berry dared to ruin me and Britts' sex marathon on Q's couch when we got together again."

A grimace twisted my features at the mention of this rather painful memory and I ruefully rubbed my forehead. "I get it, but did you have to throw your phone against my head?"

Santana scoffed and crossed her arms, purposely turning to Quinn to ignore me. "You better teach your pet some manners. She did not only barge in on us defiling your couch, she even saw us naked _without complimenting_ our hot bodies. Unacceptable." Turning to me again, she added, "At least acknowledge our hotness when you interrupt."

I opened my mouth to retort with a witty remark when Quinn laid a hand on my shoulder, scrunching up her eyebrows. "Wait," she slowly said before her eyes narrowed at me. "You saw them _naked_?"

With heat creeping up my neck, I quickly shook my head, but Santana nodded with a smirk. "Totally saw me in my birthday suit."

What?

"What the hell are you -" I started, but stopped again. Different approach. Talking with Santana would be fruitless.

Turning to Quinn, I looked her deeply in her still in suspicion narrowed eyes and said, "She's just messing with us. I didn't see anything because I had warned them first, and when I walked in, I got a phone thrown at my head. Sneaking a peek at them two was the last thing on my mind."

I didn't know why, but my girlfriend shot an asking look at Santana to find out if I was telling the truth. Why couldn't she just believe me? Screw Santana. I would be only half as mad at her if I had actually gotten to take a look because then Quinn had a right to doubt me, but no, I had been busy cursing and holding my forehead in pain.

Santana looked like considering whether to mess further with Quinn and I growled at her.

"Don't forget who helped you to get with Brittany," I reminded her with a threatening tone.

"It's no fun with you, seriously," she sighed before smirked at Quinn, "Don't worry, Q-tie, Berry didn't see any of this hot body." And she cockily pointed at herself, making me roll my eyes. But at least, Quinn looked kind of relieved and was smiling again.

I looped an arm around her waist and lovingly squeezed her to my side, whispering into her ear while smugly smirking at Santana. "Like I would've wanted to see her. My girlfriend's got a much hotter body."

The blonde giggled and we both shot Santana a teasing smile, which made her uneasy and she frowned. "Hey, not cool. No secretly whispering when I don't have Britts to do it with."

"Yeah, where's Britttany?" I asked, now actually aware that Santana looked so – for lack of better words – _strange _without her girlfriend. It was like buying shoes, you bought them in pairs and not just for one foot. That was how I felt about her, she only came with Brittany and seeing her without the blonde was so unusal that it almost made me uncomfortable. In other words, there was no Brittany around to play the buffer between me and Santana.

"Selling t-shirts in the gym," she shruggingly answered before she halted. "Right, that's actually why I searched for you two."

"Yeah, and here I thought you just interrupted us for the hell of it," I muttered and Quinn soothingly stroked my cheek. "Oh, honey, we'll have all weekend for ourselves. Just us, no interruptions, no Santana."

"Gag. Barf," Santana made gagging motions and loudly complained when I leaned towards Quinn for a chaste kiss on the lips. Hm, I loved her soooooo-

"Whoooop, Team Faberry!"

Quinn and I shared a surprised look before we turned to Santana, who defensively waved her hands and shook her head. "I didn't say that."

"Team Brittana!"

What the -

"A foursome between them would be hot."

My eyes widened at the approaching people dressed in white t-shirts with black, bold prints on their chest.

"What's a Faberry?" Quinn asked me out of the corner of her mouth, not wanting to be heard by the dozens of students who wore their t-shirts stating exactly that.

"I'm kinda wondering what a Brittana is," I uneasily replied back, getting uncomfortable with all the attention we were receiving. Why did they look so proud and creepily cheery? What did their t-shirts mean?

"See, Berry, if you weren't so busy eating Q's face for breakfast, I would've explained it to you a few minutes ago," Santana sneered and crossed her arms, her whole persona screaming '_Like a Boss'_.

"Britt's been selling them all morning. Awesome, right?" she pointed to the shirts stating 'Faberry'and 'Brittana'. "After the 'Likes Quinn Fabray' t-shirt was such a hit, she decided to do something like that again. But she figured that Berry would throw a hissy fit if anyone else wore it, so she made shirts with our combined names. Genius."

My eyes almost watered in pain as I tried to figure out what those names meant, staring like a creep. Now that Santana had explained that, I slowly nodded and a big smirk settled on my face.

"Congrats, Sanny, you've managed to get an 'a' in Brittana. I at least got to keep my whole last name."

I managed to dodge a slap on my head and quickly hid behind Quinn, laughing into her neck as Santana pouted and strutted away, probably to find her girlfriend to soothe her.

"They're so cute," someone in the small crowd sighed and received agreeing nods.

Okay. That was strange. Why were they still here and staring at us like creeps? I knew that it had been too good to be true, with no one bothering us.

Stepping next to Quinn again, I reached for her hand to signal that I would stick to her no matter what. She gave me a warm smile before confusion settled on her pretty features again as she turned to the people wearing those shirts with the crazy names.

"Erm, not to be rude or anything," I slowly started before my impatience got the better of me, "but what the fuck are you doing? What's up with you wearing all these t-shirts?"

A brunette stepped forward with a big smile and eagerly answered, "We support you. Your relationship, I mean."

She was scaring me, like, a lot. I tightened my grip on Quinn's hand and took one tiny step backwards.

"Oh – uh, thank you?" Quinn offered unsurely and intertwined her fingers with mine. Looked like I wasn't the only one creeped out by this whole situation.

"No, we thank you," a guy said with a friendly grin, pounding with one fist on his chest, right over the place where his heart was supposed to be. "Rachel, your speech totally ripped open my eye lids. I mean, why should it bother me what's going on in others' life? I gotta handle mine first. Thanks for giving my brain this very much needed wedgie."

Before I could react in any form, a familiar face appeared and it knocked all the air out of my lungs.

"Hey."

Dave Karofsky gave us a lopsided smile, both of his hands buried in his jeans pockets and beneath his letterman jacket, a 'Faberry' t-shirt. "Hi, Quinn. Hi – Rachel."

Quinn looked at me, scanning my face for any reaction because she knew the story of us having had a short slushie fight before we fixed things. My mouth curved into a small smile and in this moment, I just knew. I had done the right thing when I had offered him my hand instead of tossing a slushie into his face.

"Hey, Dave."

He just nodded with a grin and did a small wave with his hand before he sauntered off, leaving me with such a happy feeling of _achievement_. It didn't matter that he hadn't said anything at all because it was still more than I had ever expected. And it still amazed me how such a little act of compassion had made such a big difference, because he might as well could be spreading his hate around the school.

Granted, I had been aware that things had gotten quiet around him since the slushie incident. No more bullying from his side according to Kurt, but I hadn't expected this – openly supporting me and Quinn?

The school bell ripped me from my trance and everyone bustled around in the hallways, going to their classes and our 'supporters' eagerly waved us goodbye before they left.

"That was -"

"Unexpected," I completed for Quinn. We both weren't moving, not bothered to get to our classes in time.

"Rachel, I'm so proud of you."

Surprised, I shot my girlfriend a questioning look. Where was that coming from?

Her warm eyes smiled at me, engulfing me in a comfortable bubble of love and affection, and my mouth automatically formed a dopey smile.

"All the things you've changed in this school," Quinn lowly said and she looked around, "in only half a year."

The way she made it sound like, like I had revolutionized the whole system of this high school when in reality, I had only managed to get one bully to stop terrorizing weaker students.

"Quinn, I didn't -" I doubtfully started, but she laid one finger on my lips, effectively shutting me up. When I pouted at her, she chuckled and leaned forward to kiss my frown away. That was better.

"I've told you," she whispered against my lips, "you are the change I've been wishing for."

"But," I breathily objected, "you didn't necessarily change. You're just being yourself now."

Quinn kissed me again, contently humming against my mouth and I smiled into the kiss. Forget lexica and encyclopaedias, kissing Quinn Fabray was the real definition of bliss.

Slowly pulling away, she shyly gazed at me and said, "Well, it took me months of being around a Rachel Berry to know who I really am. I've never been interested in girls before and I'm a cheerleader. I'm surrounded by half-naked girls all the time."

"It took me months as well, to find out my true sexual orientation," I replied with a smirk. When Quinn gave me a surprised look, I cheekily continued, "I'm not gay anymore. I'm Quinnsexual."

She laughed and shook her head, lightly slapping me on my shoulder and I gasped in mock indignation. "Hey! I've just come out to you, you're supposed to be supporting me. I'll never tell you a secret again."

"Oh yeah?" Quinn said in amusement. "Okay, then. Tell me more about your sexual orientation."

I deliberately looked away, crossing my arms in thought. "Being Quinnsexual isn't easy. All you see and hear and think about is Quinn Fabray, everything you do is for her. I sometimes get teased about it. Yeah, it's a tough life."

The blonde blushed heavily and she replied with a face-splitting grin, "Really? How tough?"

I pretended to be deep in thoughts as I scrunched up my eyebrows. "Well, not tough enough to make me choose otherwise. I'm fine with staying Quinnsexual for the rest of my life."

Quinn rewarded me with another kiss and I happily smiled into it.

"Well, then it's only fair if I become Berrysexual."

* * *

><p><strong>With the next chapter, the plot's starting to get deeper again. <strong>(Grr, at this rate, I may never be able to finish this story...)


	28. Chapter 28

"Oh, hey Rachel. Quinn's not home right now. Actually, I thought she was with you."

I politely smiled at Judy who looked very surprised at my unannounced visit.

"No, that's okay. Santana and Brittany are keeping her company right now. I actually came to talk to you, about Quinn, if that's alright with you."

Her raised eyebrows displayed her growing surprise.

"Come in, then," and she stepped aside to let me into her house. I gratefully nodded and stepped past the threshold, straight to the kitchen.

"A coffee, perhaps?" Judy offered and I quickly declined. I already had two cups of coffees on my way here.

"I'll get straight to the point," I immediately started, not wanting to waste any time in case Quinn had noticed that Santana and Brittany were acting strange, and now was coming home to catch me here.

Judy seemed to brace herself as she leaned against the table. "You're not asking for my permission to propose to her, are you? Because I think you're too young."

Flabbergasted, my previous intention flew out of my mind and I stuttered, "Wha-what? Marriage? No! No, not that I wouldn't marry her, but you know, I wasn't – I didn't -"

I had to stop talking, I was just digging myself a deeper hole.

"Oh, okay," Judy said, relieved, placing a hand on her chest.

I was still sort of dazed. I hadn't thought about that at all, I would've never expected for Judy to assume me asking that. I mean, gosh, I wasn't even an adult, that thought had never crossed my mind and while I wouldn't object to life-long commitment to Quinn, still, marriage was...big stuff.

I had never been a big fan of marriage, but then again, I had never been a big fan of anything that required commmitment. But still, marriage wasn't as great as everybody made it look like. It was overrated anyway if we took a look at the divorce rates.

"Uh – Rachel?"

"Right," I snapped out of my trance. "No, no marriage while still in high-school. I'm not that irresponsible."

Judy chuckled and nodded along. "So you were saying?"

"Ah, yes. You see, Quinn's birthday is approaching and I -"

"Quinn's birthday is in a month, honey," Judy kindly said and pointed to the calendar attached to the fridge, where 'Q's B-Day' was marked in red and yellow on a Friday. "You have enough time, whatever that is you're planning."

I gave her a small smile before I slowly shook my head. "I just want to make sure it's...something that she wants. Something that makes her happy as much as it would make me happy. And therefor, I have to ask for your opinion and your permission."

Judy narrowed her eyes. "You two are not adopting a baby, are you?"

Losing track again, I openly gaped at her.

"Just teasing you. I'm sorry, go on," Judy laughed few seconds later and my shocked expression turned into a forced smile. That was not funny, woman. A baby? Maybe I should really borrow one and show it to Judy, telling her how cute her little granddaughter looked. That would teach her a lesson to keep interrupting me with these crazy assumptions.

"As I was saying," I said after clearing my throat. "My gift for Quinn would be a trip to New York with me. In Spring Break. Which starts on her birthday."

The older blonde took a few seconds to process this fact, leaning against the fridge for support.

"Oh, that would be _wonderful_, my little Quinnie finnally seeing a world outside Ohio!" she was positively squealing and though the sound was quite piercing, I had to laugh out of amusement.

"No, wait," she abruptly said and my smile got wiped off of my face.

"We can't accept that," she said, frowning and I suddenly knew what she was about. "A plane ticket to New York isn't a cheap present, and the hotel costs..."

"That's no problem," I quickly interjected, "I live in Manhatten, remember? We'll stay at my apartment."

"But still," Judy sighed. "Rachel, this is really an amazing gift, but it is too much. You only have been together for a few weeks, and not for years."

Sticking out my bottom lip, I pouted. "But it really is nothing. And it kinda would be a gift to myself because that's what I actually want as well. I've dreamed about bringing her to New York with me for so long now."

And it was true. Since the day at the Carnival, I had often thought about taking her to my home city. Of all the things we could do together, experience together. New York would be so much better with her, and my friends would love to meet her again and I couldn't wait to show her the penguins in Central Park Zoo.

"Please?" I nicely asked her and hoped that my big brown Bambi eyes would somehow convince her.

Judy avoided my gaze and reluctantly sighed. "Alright. Can't harm to let her see the real world."

"Yeah!" I shouted in triumph, smirking like a boss. "Now I only need to know if Quinn's got time during Spring Break. Not that she already has something planned."

"As far as I know," Judy thoughtfully said, "she considered taking a vacation job at Lima Bean. But she hasn't applied yet."

My smile not wavering, I quickly asked, "Could you do me a favor then? Please don't let her apply for the job, maybe make up some excuse that you already have plans for you two?"

Judy sighed, but shrugged with a smile. "Why not."

"Ah, you're the best," I grinned and out of impulse, I rushed forward and hugged her. Before she could react to that, I happily skipped out of the kitchen and had already left the house, leaving a head-shaking but laughing Judy.

* * *

><p>"Hey girlfriend," I cheerily greeted Quinn with a quick peck on her lips before I sat down next to her. She beamed at me and replied, "Finally! What took you so long?"<p>

"Yeah, what you took so long."

My head turning to the annoyed voice, I smirked at Santana who looked kind of relieved now that I was finally here. Brittany happily waved at me though she sat opposite of me. I waved back to humor her.

"Worried about my well-being?" I teasingly asked the Latina and she scoffed, rolling her eyes. "As if."

But her girlfriend nodded with her head, mouthing, 'Yeah, she was.'

Turning to Quinn again, I playfully bumped my shoulder with her and whispered in her ear, "Sorry for letting you wait. Thinking of you while driving is kinda distracting."

She giggled and shyly tucked a string of hair behind her ear, and I continued, "It's mainly because I kept rolling down the window and tell everybody who would listen about my amazing girlfriend. I got honked all the way down here."

That and because I had to talk with her mother about her birthday gift first. But she didn't need to know about the latter part yet.

"Hello," a waiter stepped to our table, "can I bring you some drinks?"

"Yeah," Santana immediately said in her impatient voice. "Been waiting long enough."

The waiter looked like he was about to say something to defend himself, but he let it be. Maybe he already knew Santana as she was a regular at Breadstix. I kinda felt sorry for him.

"I'll have a milk," Brittany ordered with a smile. When the employee raised an eyebrow, Santana arched hers as well, daring him to say anything. He didn't.

"Wine," the Latina sneered.

"Which one?"

She dismissively waved him off, "The best, of course."

"Can I please have your ID?"

That wasn't very smart of him to say that. I bet he realized it, too, because the moment Santana straightened herself in the seat and crossed her arms, he immediately said, "I'm sorry, a glass of wine then."

Santana grinned in self-satisfaction and I had to honestly say that I was impressed.

"And for you?"

Okay, remember what I had said about kinda feeling sorry for that dude? Scratch that, I thought, my eyes narrowing and shooting daggers at him as he suddenly started to stand differently, eyeing my girlfriend with an intrigued look. Bitch did not get there.

Quinn seemed to be oblivious to the sudden change of the waiter's attitude when she replied with a kind smile, "Just water, please."

He stared and smiled at her for longer than necessary before he wrote her order down, and I almost wanted to loudly sneer, 'Take a picture, won't ya?'. Not that I would let him. He wouldn't survive to see the picture he had taken because I'd make sure to beat the crap out of him with the photo camera first.

His eyes kept flickering to my girlfriend who had started talking with Brittany, and he distractedly asked me, "And for you?"

_I'd like to have your balls served on a silver plate next to your head._

Wait, that wasn't a drink. And not on the menu.

"Wine as well," I muttered between gritted teeth. This time, he didn't even try to ask for my ID as he scribbled the order down while shooting Quinn lusty gazes.

My fingers digged into the leather cushion of the seat.

When he was gone, I felt a pair of eyes on me and I looked up to find Santana frowning at me. She didn't need to say anything because her 'what the fuck' expression told me pretty clearly, '_What the hell was that?_'

I shrugged, but my expression was still annoyed. '_It's okay, just some douchebag'_

She rolled her eyes before she pointedly looked at Quinn who chuckled about something Brittany had said. _'Shit like that is gonna happen more often from now on.'_

I decided, for once in my life, to be the bigger man or woman, and not to dwell on my negative feelings.

Santana was right, Quinn was just too gorgeous to not to be constantly hit on by hormonal boys or even girls, this was something I had to deal with as her girlfriend now. Just because we were in an exclusive relationship didn't mean that the rest of the world had stopped appreciating her looks. People were still going to think that she was pretty, she would still have secret admirers and she would still get hit on.

I sighed. It didn't mean that I was happy about it.

See, all my life I had managed to stay away from this nerve-wracking feeling called jealousy. Whenever a girl had tried to make me jealous, I had only reacted with a shrug and moved on to another because there had been enough other girls willing to date me. I didn't even feel annoyed at them trying to get me jealous, I always found it rather amusing and flattering.

And I guessed it was only fair that I now got insecure because of some lame waiter from Breadstix stinking after kitchen the whole day.

Oh how I hated karma.

Soon, our drinks arrived and the waiter took his time setting Quinn's water in front of her. I grinded my teeth.

"Geez, we don't have all day," Santana complained after she had seen my face, sneering at the waiter. "Bring us some breadsticks. Now." And she snapped with her fingers.

Shooting her an annoyed look, the guy hurried off.

I gratefully smiled at Santana and she rolled her eyes, casually sipping on her wine. '_Cause you didn't have the balls for it'_

I simply shrugged and reached for my glass of wine as well. If I had told the waiter off, then Quinn would've noticed that something was off and she would've scolded me for it because I had been unnecessarily rude to the employee. But if Santana complained or sneered at him or even insulted him, then she wouldn't have said one word because that was just how Santana was. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Or maybe just because I was her girlfriend and she felt more responsible for me. Just like how a mother didn't care if other children were rude and loud, but God forbid her own child to misbehave the slightest.

Scowling at no one particular, I downed the wine relatively fast. I couldn't survive this double-date sober.

* * *

><p>I was actually feeling fine. No, really, I wasn't drunk or anything, just a little bit buzzed. And Quinn hadn't even caught on yet because that one time she had been to the bathroom with Brittany, I had quickly snatched Santana's glass of wine and downed it, followed by another glass from the neighboring table. I had flashed the two elderly women a supposed to be suave wink like it was a good explanation for why a random stranger had just drunk their wine, but they let it be as they were about to leave anyway.<p>

Santana hadn't stopped snorting with laughter since then.

"You know you're pathetic, right?" she had said.

"Better that than a murder at Breadstix tonight. Quinn wouldn't appreciate having to bake me a cake with a nail file in it for my next birthday."

So, we were about to finish our meal and Santana was still occasionally snorting from time to time, which made Quinn look up with a questioning look. "Everything okay?"

She nodded and easily replied, "Yeah, but I'd rather ask that Berry than me."

I barely had time to cover up my expression that had slipped into a disbelieving glare for Santana when Quinn turned to look at me. "Why? Is there something that I missed?"

I quickly shook my head and I gave her an reassuring smile, trying not to appear tipsy as I said, "Santana's just making up stuff again."

Satisfied with that answer, she focused on finishing her meal and I used that moment to glare at Santana again. But she was busy whispering sweet nothings into Brittany's ear.

"I hope the food was satisfactory."

Where the hell did that idiot pop up from? Breadstix had rush hour now, but that freaking waiter still seemed to have the time to attend our table every fifteen minutes. Not that I was glancing at my watch everytime he appeared.

"Rainbowy good," Brittany happily chirped.

"S'okay," I muttered, abusing a salad leaf with my fork.

"Almost enjoyable," Santana sneered, wiping her mouth with a napkin before dismissively throwing it on her plate.

Quinn frowned at us, not approving of me and Santana's bored and unpolite ways. To make it up, she nicely smiled at the waiter who grinned wider than it looked natural on him. "Excellent, thank you for asking."

Leave it to my girlfriend to be so freaking cordial all the time.

"If you have any wishes, then please let me know," the waiter tried to smoothly say, lowering his voice.

Okay, that was fucking enough. These cheap, double-meaning pick-up lines were reserved for _me_, only I could make them sound suave and seducing.

Doing the only thing that seemed right in my buzzed mind, I softly tilted Quinn's face to me with two fingers under her chin and I captured her lips with mine, kissing her like there was no tomorrow. Sure, I had caught her by surprise and she had seemed like protesting at first, but only after one second and a low moan like 'fuck it', she had kissed me back.

"Ew, you can stop now. That idiot is gone."

"That was hot."

Slowly pulling away with a soft 'plop', I smirked in satisfaction and contently hummed to myself as I took another sip from my glass of wine. Quinn stared past me, still a little bit dazed with a goofy smile on her swollen lips. She looked so good right now, I didn't even have words for her perfection.

"What was that for?" she asked after she had found her words again. "Not that I'm complaining, but that was surprising. And we're in a public place."

"Yeah, Berry, what was that for?" Santana repeated with a shit-eating grin.

"Since when can't I kiss my girlfriend?" I shruggingly replied, finishing the last bits of my meal with a hidden cocky smirk. The sudden bravery that came with wine wasn't such a bad thing. As long as you didn't overdo it.

Santana seemed to feel generous today as she simply rolled her eyes and let it go, rather focusing her attention on kissing _her _girlfriend. I was tempted to gag loudly just to interrupt their sweet and gentle moment, but I felt a warm hand on my arm and I was met with twinkling hazel eyes.

_'Why not?'_, I stuck out my bottom lip to give Quinn the puppy dog look, but she just grinned and shook her head.

But that wasn't fair. I couldn't even count how many times Santana had interrupted _our_ romantic moments and now when I had the opportunity to show her how much it fucking sucked, Quinn wouldn't let me do it. Of course my girlfriend would be the bigger person and stand above it.

And that was why I loved her so much. Which reminded me, why wasn't I kissing her then?

So that was what I did, surprising her again. But she wasn't complaining, neither was anyone else in Breadstix. Either they simply didn't care or were too turned on or they were too afraid of Santana. I bet it was the latter one. No, if anything, it was because no one could even see a damn thing because of the dark lighting here in this restaurant which was supposed to create a romantic athmosphere.

And I was grateful for that. No one was pointing at us or whispering, and when I stood up to go to the restroom, I didn't feel any judging looks on me. The only thing I noticed was that I should better stop drinking because when I entered the restroom, I accidentally bumped into someone and that poor girl seemed so intimidated that she all but fled the restroom.

All in all, the date had turned out to be a pretty good one because the waiter hadn't turned up again, only when we had wanted to pay. Even then, he didn't seem to be able to meet our eyes as he nervously looked elsewhere while we took out our money. Fantastic.

Once we were outside of Breadstix, Santana and Brittany bid their goodbye and left in the Latina's car.

"Oh damn, I forgot my phone," I suddenly said one second before climbing into my car, frantically emptying all the pockets I possessed. But I hadn't taken out that damn thing for once! I couldn't remember placing it on the table.

I hated that sinking feeling that you got when you realized that you might have lost something important. But thank God I had noticed that soon enough, we hadn't even left the parking lot of Breadstix.

"Want me to go with you?" Quinn asked and though I appreciated the worry in her eyes, I gave her a reassuring smile and answered, "It's okay, I'm a big girl. I guess I can do it alone."

She laughed, but she didn't know how happy her offer had made me. Such a simple gesture, an easy question, but it meant so much more. To know that she felt as worried as me at the prospect of having lost my cellphone, to know that she felt _with _me, it was kinda – overwhelming.

So I hurried back into Breadstix, searching for the table we had occupied. My heart dropped to my stomach. No phone on the clean wiped table. I swear to everything that was holy to me, if that waiter had stolen my precious baby, then he better -

"Looking for this?"

Whipping around, I saw a raven-haired girl giving me an amused smile as she held my phone. Relief rushed through my entire body and I let out a long, drawn out sigh.

"Oh, thank you, thank you very much," I said with a grateful smile as I reached for it. "Almost thought I lost it."

I safely tucked my phone into my jeans pockets where it was always supposed to be. I wouldn't know what to do if it got lost, 'cause I hadn't set up any locks with patterns or passwords and anyone would've had access to my phone as long as it wasn't turned off.

"No problem. I actually wanted to go after you, but then I saw you coming back in," the girl said and now that my mind had calmed down again, I started to notice something familiar about her.

Oh.

"I'm Jennifer," she offered with a grin after she had noticed my staring. "Yes, the Jennifer 'Jenny' Mont you had blown off a month ago. But I prefer being called by my full name."

Oh gosh, that was the first girl I had rejected after New Year, you know, the Cheerio who was Santana's replacement. But I somehow remembered her differently if my memory served me right. Wasn't she the one who said something about wanting me more because I had rejected her? The girl who had featured in my girlfriend's drawings of death scenarios? Better not tell her that.

And now, when I looked her, she seemed so nonchalant, friendly and not interested in me at all. Thank God, I could use a normal friend.

"Hey, I'm sorry about -" I sheepishly started, wanting to apologize for the awkward moment a month ago, but she dismissively waved me off.

"No hard feelings. It's all good, I mean, you're good for Fabray. She stopped making us doing suicidal exercises after all."

Chuckling at the thought of my girlfriend, I suddenly remembered that she was still waiting.

"Oh, gotta go now," I apologeticly said and pointed over my shoulder outside Breadstix and Jennifer nodded with an understanding smile.

"No problem. See you at Cheerios' practice next Monday, Coach," she teasingly added the last part and I laughed at that.

"Bye."

I watched her heading off to a table where I could recognize some other faces from the McKinley Cheerleader team, but they all made a show of looking away when they had noticed me glancing at them. I shrugged and was about to leave Breadstix when I caught a glimpse of the freaking waiter who stood by the entrance with nothing to do.

Casually stepping to him, I watched his eyes widening with realization at my sight.

I simply watched him with narrowed eyes, choosing to stay silent because silence was the best way to induce fear. He looked at everywhere but me, and I cleared my throat, almost forcing him to raise his gaze and face me like the man he should be. He didn't.

I sneered at him and muttered, "Coward", before I brushed past him, purposely bumping my shoulder against his chest when I left Breadstix.

I climbed into my car where Quinn was already waiting and she immediately asked with concern, "And? Have you found it?"

I leaned towards her and just kissed her.

"If you mean if I've found the love of my life," I whispered against her lips with a big smile, "then yes."

* * *

><p><strong>Hi. And bye.<strong>


	29. Chapter 29

**Sorry about the delay, life got in the way.**

* * *

><p>"<em>Imagine me and you, I do<em>"

I sang with a bright smile, pointing between me and Quinn, making her giggle.

"_I think about you day and night_" And I took her hands into mine, twirling her around, until she landed in my arms with her back pressed to my front and together we swayed to the music. "_It's only right to think about the girl you love and hold her tight_"

The words were sung into her neck, and she let out a light giggle at the ticklish sensations.

"_So happy together_"

At this, she twirled around to face me and continued to sing for me, "_If I should call you up, invest a dime, and you say you belong to me and ease my mind_"

My grin couldn't be possibly larger but I was beaming like a fool anyway, moving with her to the music. Her voice was so soft and soothing, I wouldn't mind her singing to me everyday.

"_Imagine how the world could be, so very fine, so happy together_"

Intertwining our fingers, our voices united in the chorus and our smiles were splitting our faces at this point. "_I can't see me loving nobody but you for all my life_"

I had to admit, this song was a bit cheesy, but it had such a happy and catchy tune, I felt like singing it for the rest of my life.

"_When you're with me the skies'll be blue for all my life"_

We were singing, laughing, dancing, goofing around on the stage of the empty auditorium, using lunch break as our escape from everyone else. It felt so good, I felt so free, I wished I could do this forever.

Everybody had one of these moments where they wished that time would just stand still, giving them eternity to stay in this bliss. I was wishing for one of those moments, praying that the clock would stand still and not limit my time with Quinn. I almost felt desperate of being under time restraint because of stupid school classes, how could it be that such banal things took away the precious time I wanted to share with my girlfriend?

I knew I was losing focus on education with only Quinn on my mind, but I hadn't become delusional. I was well aware that I wouldn't graduate with flying colors without investing _some _time in learning, I didn't expect the future to work out for me somehow without hard work. But I had never really felt the pressure to succeed in school and get into a prestigious college, I didn't even know what I wanted to do later, job-wise.

The main reason for my lack of ambition was my wealthy background. Many would see it as an incentive, hoping to enlarge their fortune with a successful career, but I saw it as a curse. Weren't people pursuing high eduaction just to get a good paying job, which meant money in the end? Well, I had money, and now? It hadn't given me as much satisfaction as I had first thought, it hadn't lessened the problems. My fathers – gone, my innocence – gone, my ambitions – gone.

I was surprised at myself that I hadn't turned into an alcoholic or a junkie, sniffing lines of coke with rolled one-hundred-dollar bills. Thank God for my friends who had kept me on the ground, reminding me that I was doing no one a favor with me being a cokehead.

In other words, Kate and Nikki had once caught a dealer trying to sell me stuff at a party and I had been already drunk enough to entertain with the idea of buying it. Jake had beaten up the dude and reported him to the police, Kate and Nikki had slapped the shit out of me, trying to get me sober again. It had been a scream-fest. The hangover had been painful enough to make me swear to them to never ever even _consider _doing hard drugs again.

As I was saying, I just didn't know what to do out of myself. I had no desire to bury my nose into school books, but at the same time, I didn't want to disappoint Quinn with my laziness. She was one of the best students around here, she got scholarships winking at her because she was the head cheerleader of a nationally ranked cheerleader team with seven won National's trophies in a row. Who didn't want such a perfect student? Not only exceedingly smart, but athletic, social and pretty, too. She was _flawless_. She might not agree, she might not understand what the big deal about her was – but that was exactly what made her flawless to me.

She remained flawless because she didn't think of herself as flawless. She was perfect because she didn't see herself as perfect, she was so desirable because she didn't see herself as desirable as I saw her. The modesty, the humbleness – it gave her the edge to perfection.

No matter how many times I told her she was beautiful, she would still blush and be flattered, she would still thank me with a shy smile, like she still couldn't really believe me. No matter how often I would generally compliment her, she still looked caught by surprise every single time.

When I said she was perfect, she would start doubting herself. When I admired her body with my eyes, she would abashedly look down on herself like she couldn't see what was there to admire about. When I required to know about her day, she would turn the topic around to talk about mine because she didn't want to bore me with details of her life. She didn't know how everytime she did something like that, it made me only realize how much I loved her and how much luck I had to be loved by her.

And that was why I was so desperate to show her how much she meant to me. With her birthday approaching, I figured that this was my chance to prove her how much I loved her. Admittedly, I had many, many ideas of big and showy presents, all with one intention – to impress her. From giving her a replica of my watch pimped with diamonds and gold, to filling her whole room with stuffed lions which again are filled with money, to buying a car with the newest safety technology.

What? I cared about her safety. I would buy her a bullet-proof car where celebrities and politicians got driven around. And I would be her chauffeur of course.

But then I remembered that she would never accept it if I really bought her a car. Actually, she would never accept anything a normal teenager couldn't afford. It had taken me one month to convince her that she deserved the guitar I had given to her on Christmas because she kept voicing her doubts whenever she had a guitar lesson with me. Even now and then did she give me this look of pure adoration and gratefulness like I had done something extraordinary honorable when it was just a guitar.

A new car wasn't an option then. I knew she'd make me sell it again and donate the money to a foundation for children in Africa. And then I'd probably buy her a new one.

So I had willed myself to think further. I had to give her something that money couldn't buy, something that no one else with a big wallet could offer her, something memorable. And that was when an idea had hit me – a trip to New York. A trip with me to my home city.

Yes, I was fully aware that a trip to New York was very well buyable, but not the experience that came along with it. She wouldn't have to stay in overpriced hotelrooms with no beautiful view over the city, she wouldn't have to eat at hot-dog-booths because I'd make sure to take her out to the finest restaurants only, she wouldn't have to worry about anything because New York City was my place, my territory. I knew my city like the back of my hand.

And when Quinn would try to back out of her present which I knew she would, I would tell her that I had intended to visit my friends in Spring Break anyway. I was merely taking her along with me, I was merely paying her plane ticket for her. I had a place in Manhatten, it wasn't like she was causing any additional costs. She should actually be glad that I hadn't booked my fathers' company's private jet, which I had honestly considered, you know, because that would be real romantic and stuff, only us two in the clouds.

But – too showy. Too much. And Quinn wouldn't like it. Environmental reasons and stuff. So I had settled for first class tickets.

Like Judy said, I intended on showing her a world outside of Ohio. Quinn was meant for more, meant for greater things. And who knows, maybe she'd consider going to Columbia University which would be absolutely paradise because that would be only half an hour away from my apartment. And if she wanted, there was still Yale in New Haven.

Hell, there was the whole Ivy League there for her to choose from, all in an acceptable distance from Manhatten. Though I'd probably not vote in favor of Dartmouth or Cornell, they were already too far away. Or Princeton. I mean, it was in New Jersey.

Whatever her choice might be, I would be there to support her because in the end, I had chosen her.

* * *

><p>With the weather getting warmer and drier again, the cheerleader practices and football trainings were moved from the gym to the football field which both teams had to share. Neither Sue nor that Beiste woman were very happy about that, especially Sue had vehemently tried to break this arrangement. In her opinion, the football field was hers and Beiste would have to pay one dollar for each minute she was using the field, multiply that with the numbers of football players, then square that with the amount of shed sweat drops.<p>

Needless to say that the football coach was less amused. After hours of shouting and throwing things at each other in Figgins' office with him hiding under the desk, they somehow had managed to agree on sharing the field. At that point, they had already been too tired to fight some more after three hours of throwing books and chairs, and just made a compromise.

So, here we were, occupying one half of the football field. I didn't mind this arrangement at all, I loved cheering on Puck and Mike as they outran the others, I even gave Dave a thumbs-up when it was his turn to toss the ball. But even more amusing was to watch Finn failing at his exercises.

It wasn't because he was a bad player, which I had to unwillingly admit, but he seemed to be quite distracted. Whatever he did, he only did things halfway. He couldn't catch the pigskin though his fingers had already grazed it, he kept tossing it into the wrong directions, he kept getting knocked over by his teammates.

Somehow, I felt bad for him. I mean, it was kinda my fault that he was now girlfriendless. After all, I did snatch Quinn away from him, even if I had done that without really intending to. I could've been more respectful towards their relationship and stayed away from her altogether, remaining an unattached player/asshole in her eyes.

But then my eyes strayed to Quinn and I fondly watched her as she helped her fellow Cheerios to get some dance moves right. And I couldn't bring myself to feel guilty at all.

Finn should've appreciated her more, he should've given his everything to her and make her feel like the only girl in the world. But he didn't, he always did things only halfway. Just like now, his miserable performance in this football practice proved that he got too easily thrown out of his comfortable bubble. If he wanted to be a professional football player, he needed to learn how to separate his emotions from his performance. He couldn't always use the excuse of having had a bad day as a reason why he sucked so much right now.

"One penny for your thoughts," a sudden voice spoke up next to me, and I startled. Turning to my left, a small grin displayed on my face when I recognized Jennifer, currently stretching her legs to keep her legs warmed up.

"If I got a penny for everytime someone said that to me, I'd own the bank," I replied with a smirk. Aside from the fact that I probably really owned the bank, I considered my thoughts to be much more worth than a penny.

Jennifer lightly laughed, switching the other leg to stretch and bend. "You're right, these lines are getting old." She stood up straight again, jumping a few times on her spot. "I was just curious. You seemed to be deep in thought."

I simply shrugged while I pondered on how much I wanted to tell her. She seemed to be really okay and it wasn't like what I was thinking was that much of a secret. So I answered her, "Thinking 'bout my girlfriend. And about her ex."

At that, we both turned to look at Finn at the other side of field, having to do push-ups as a punishment for his bad perfomance.

"I feel sorry for him. He doesn't seem to cope well," Jennifer lowly said, her eyes deliberately trained on him. I thought the look on her face didn't fit the words she was saying because she didn't look sorry at all, only deep in thoughts, like she had suddenly gotten aware of something. "Do you mind me talking to him? He could use a pep-talk. He is the quarterback of the football team we're cheering on after all."

That was really considerate of her and I nodded, wordlessly telling her to go ahead and play the nice girl. I watched her jogging over to other side of the field, crouching down next to him to talk to him while he was still doing push-ups. Whatever she was saying, he seemed to be intently listening because his movements were irregular and lacking of coordination now. Coach Beiste was too busy shouting at other football players to notice Finn being distracted right now.

I kind of wondered why I had never noticed Jennifer before. Sure, I had noticed her that one time when she had asked me out and I had rejected her. That had been my first time rejecting a blatant sex offer. After that, things around her got quiet. She didn't pull much attention to herself in Cheerios' pratice either, dutifully completing the exercises and doing everything Quinn ordered her to do.

"What ya looking at?"

I didn't look at Santana as I nodded with my chin to the point I was staring at.

"He seems to be moving on quick," Santana said, her voice casual as she watched Jennifer and Finn interacting. I agreeingly hummed, actually glad about this if it were true. Because then, my newly developed conscience would finally shut up and stop making me feel like a girlfriend-stealer.

Santana and I silently watched Jennifer rambling about something to Finn who kept nodding while doing his push-ups.

"Do you really think he would move on that quick?" I asked Santana without averting my eyes from the scene which was way more interesing than the cheerleader practice. Out of the corners of my eyes, I could catch the Latina shrugging her shoulders.

"To be honest," she started, "I've got no fucking idea. He's usually as predictable as a cheap crime movie, but sometimes, he does exactly the opposite of what is expected from him. I can't tell."

We fell silent again. Finn had finished his push-ups, groggily standing up and I thought it was strange that Jennifer hadn't helped him up, using this chance to get close to him or touch him. But then again, girls weren't supposed to help boys standing up. And sweaty boys were quite gross to touch.

"It's kinda funny," Santana stated after a few seconds when Finn kept nodding to whatever Jennifer was saying. "It looks like she's the one asking him out and he keeps agreeing, like he's so excited."

I narrowed my eyes at him. If that was true, then I had no reason at all to feel sorry for him anymore because if he was able to move on that quickly over Quinn, then he had never deserved her in the first place.

"YOU CALL THAT DANCING?"

Santana and I startled, whipping around to Sue who had started yelling at a small group of girls. "I CALL THAT FAILING!"

Sue looked quite frightening, more than ever now. "Okay, girls, now give me a 'f'."

The few poor cheerleaders tried to shout with their trembling voices, "F!"

"Give me an 'a'."

"A!"

"Now an 'i'."

"I!"

"Gimme an 'l'."

"L!"

"And what's that spelled?"

"FAIL!"

"That's right!" Sue shouted with pure malice filling her voice. "That's what you are! Nationals are in six weeks, what the hell are you thinking with your horrible cramped dance moves? If you have constipation, don't even come to my practices!"

I shortly glanced at Santana. "Maybe I should cool her down. She's been on a constant high with Nationals approaching."

But she shook her head. "Better keep your head of out her shooting range. It's only gonna make things worse."

"Right," I agreed, automatically turning my eyes to my girlfriend who was nervously chewing on her bottom lip. As head cheerleader, it was a part of her responsibility to motivate the team and prepare them for the national competition. I knew she was feeling some kind of pressure now, having to defend the national title of the Cheerios for an eighth time.

"I'm going to Quinn," I informed Santana before I went to the blonde, who startled when I waved one hand in front of her face which had a distant expression.

"You're gonna win this," I softly said to her, giving her an encouraging smile. "You will make Sue very proud."

The sharp wrinkles in Quinn's expression softened and she managed to breathe out a chuckle. "How do you know that I'm freaking out right now?"

I looked surprised at this unusual question. "Maybe I've gotten better at reading emotions."

She let out a quiet laugh, not wanting to pull Sue's attention on us who was still busy scaring the crap out of those poor cheerleaders.

"Quinn," I lowly said, pulling her eyes towards mine again. "I can tell if you're uncomfortable. It makes me uncomfortable, too."

She smiled at me, shyly shuffling a little closer to me. "So you can feel what I feel? Do we have one of these special bonds now?"

I cracked a grin at her, the corners of my mouth turning up into a goofy smile. "Of course we have. We've always had."

It made her laugh again, this time she didn't care if she got heard. It made me so happy to know that I could make her laugh, it stroked my ego and made me feel confident about myself.

"Then...tell me, what am I feeling right now?" Quinn playfully said, her voice getting huskier with every word as she shortened the distance between us.

"If you feel what I feel..." I thoughtfully started, looking her straight in the eyes, trying to pour everything I felt for her into my eyes, trying to make her understand. "I feel content. Happy. Free. I feel like I've found myself in you."

And in this moment, I was pretty sure of one thing that Quinn had to be thinking right now, as I was burning up with this desire. We wanted the whole football field with all the other cheerleaders and football players and coaches to disappear, leaving only us two alone.

Because then we would be kissing, whispering 'I love you's over and over again as our lips keep meeting in a heated dance of tongues, touching each other in the most neediest ways.

But we weren't alone, it wasn't only us two on the football field, so Quinn could only settle for gazing at me with her expressive eyes, telling me everything I wanted and needed to hear from her, without words.

And I didn't mind. I didn't mind because her eyes said it all, more than words ever could.


	30. Chapter 30

"Santana, stop it," I growled out in irritation, wiping at my forehead.

She just cackled and flicked another pea at my face, rather focused on annoying me than eating her food.

"What's wrong, Berry?" Santana smirked. "Why aren't you fighting back?"

I looked down on my empty plate. "My only weapon would be this plate. And I'm not that much of an ass to throw it at you."

Though I had actually considered it.

I sighed. Why again was I sitting at a lunch table with only Santana again? Oh yeah, because she needed me to talk about what to get for Brittany for their sixth-month-anniversary and it had to be top-secret with no one knowing about it.

"I thought you needed my advise about that anniversary gift?" I hissed when another pea got chucked at my forehead.

"I know, but that's way funnier," Santana easily replied, reloading her fork with her uneaten peas.

"Why couldn't you ask for Quinn's advise then? She's way better at this," I muttered, longingly staring at the table where some of the Clee Clubbers sat, but Quinn wasn't to be found there. Only Kurt, Tina, Mike, Mercedes and Artie occupied that table. Puck, Quinn and Brittany were missing. And Finn. But that was unimportant.

Santana finally stopped flinging peas at me, but only because she had run out of ammo. She set the fork aside with a loud sigh.

"Okay, Berry, you and I know that our two bank accounts combined together are a lot more than whole Lima is worth. And since Quinn has this wish to get into a good college, she's been starting to save more money. She even considered taking a job at Lima Bean."

Confused, I didn't know what this information had to do with me helping her to find a suitable present for Brittany.

"And I want the best for Brittany. I don't want to be limited by mere numbers with a postpositioned dollar sign which I know is gonna influence Quinn's opinion. Her mind is gonna immediately rule out that option when the number's too high, and she'll be against it, no matter how awesome that present may be. Even if she's not the one paying."

I slowly nodded, finally getting her point, but I couldn't help feeling offended on Quinn's behalf.

"She's not stingy if that's what you're getting at," I growled.

Santana quickly shook her head, replying in a calm voice, "Not at all. I actually respect her wish to get into a college where she can barely afford the tuition fee. It shows that high education means a lot to her, proving that she's more than just a blonde head cheerleader relying on her status and athletic success in high school."

And of course Santana had to say things which made so much sense, calming my nerves and making me feel proud of Quinn at the same time.

"Berry, you probably don't know it," she started again, making me look up in surprise, "but Quinn's not completely comfortable with you giving her big presents which she can't reciprocate. She couldn't stop talking about the guitar you got her for Christmas."

"But it's nothing," I immediately protested and Santana interjected at that. "See? It's not a big deal for you, but it is for her. It can be intimidating if you don't know what to get for your partner if they already got everything."

I opened and closed my mouth, mulling over her words in my head.

"My point is," Santana sighed, "that Quinn doesn't feel equal in your relationship if you keep doing that. I know how you insist on paying everything for her, I see how you always make the first move to buy things for her."

I bit on my tongue, not knowing how to reply. I had never looked at it that way.

"Quinn's a proud and independent girl. She doesn't want you to get the feeling that you have to buy her love, and she doesn't know how to get on an eye-to-eye level with your gifts."

But it was just one guitar, and I intended to utter this thought out loud when Santana beat me to it.

"She knows that you have something planned for her birthday."

And it hit me worse than a bat to my head, making me stare at the Latina in a daze. It should've been a surprise, a special and unexpected moment and -

"Calm down," Santana quickly said, reaching over the table to grab my hand. "She doesn't know what. She only suspects something."

I still couldn't move my mouth to form coherent sentences, only, "How?"

"She says her mother has been behaving strangely," Santana replied with a shrug.

I growled at that thought. I was definitely going to borrow a baby and give Judy the shock of her life. Or better, ask her for permission to propose to Quinn and have everything already arranged.

"And she thinks that if her mother knows about your plans, then it's got be something big. Care to enlighten me?"

Pondering on whether to tell her or not, I found myself answering anyway, "I thought about a trip to New York."

Santana looked actually impressed as she slightly leaned back, slowly nodding in approval. "You do know how to win a girl over. Too bad that that girl will put up a fight first."

"I know," I sighed. "What else can I give her? I want to her to come with me to New York so bad, it's not only about her anymore. It's about us."

"I've got an idea," Santana suddenly spoke up and I warily eyed her. She scoffed at my expression and said in annoyance, "It's really good."

I nodded with a sigh.

"Say it's a present from us all," she suggested and my ears perked up at that. "From the Glee Club. We all threw in ten dollars and it was enough for a plane ticket to New York."

"I've booked first class tickets," I dryly stated, but Santana waved me off.

"Then add the Cheerios. And it was your idea. Sounds plausible, doesn't it?"

It did. That was why I found myself nodding, mumbling an agreeing, "Yeah."

"Am I genius or genius?"

I rolled my eyes, but I actually felt better about this present now. Quinn wouldn't feel bad about it and I didn't have to explain in long-winded speeches why she deserved this present. It was a win-win for both of us.

"Okay, now that I helped you with Quinn's present, you gotta help with mine," Santana said and took out her phone, tapping on it to open an internet site. "There's this jewelry store in Lima and I've been thinking about getting Brittany a custom made ring."

I tried to suppress the laughter that was about to burst out and kept a straight face, thinking about how to torture Santana in the sweetest ways. Wait, that sounded too ambiguous even in my head.

"So..." I deliberately trailed off, "are you sure that you only want to get her a _ring_? From a shop in _Lima_?"

Santana's eyes flickered from the phone to me. "What's that supposed to mean?"

I simply shrugged and pretended to be casual about it. "Lima's not really the biggest town around. That means, there aren't that many rich people. That again means, the shop will probably be quite small and only offer normal bling. And you do want the best for Brittany, right?"

Yeah, I was evil, teasing her like that when she was supposed to know that her girlfriend didn't really care much about the value of jewelry, but the colorful design. Brittany wasn't a material girl at all, you could make her happy with a plastic ball from a vending machine as long as it was in rainbow colors.

Santana nervously played with her phone in her hands. "You're right. I needs to get bigger and better bling."

I rolled my eyes at her use of slang which was not compatible with her gilded phone case.

"I could recommend you some good jewelry stores," I nicely offered and when Santana hopefully looked at me, my smile turned into a smug smirk. "You know, Tiffany's a good place."

She stared at me for a few seconds before she grabbed her plate and pretended to fling it at me. I actually ducked, fully trusting her to throw it at me.

"Screw you, Berry. I need a shop somewhere around Lima." She huffed.

"Well, you can order things online," I suggested and this time, it was genuinely meant.

Her eyes brightened at that. "Right, why didn't I think of that?"

I was about to let off a witty and sarcastic comment when someone else beat me to it.

"You can think?"

Surprised, we both turned to the source of the new voice.

"Hi," Jennifer brightly greeted me with a mischievous grin, "do you mind?" And she pointed to the bench, asking if she could sit down next to me. I smiled back at her. "If you help me showing Lopez who's the boss, then please take a seat."

She laughed and plopped down next to me, giving Santana an apologizing smile. "Sorry, didn't mean to offend you. But you do like to act before you think."

Santana's left eye twitched as she silently observed Jennifer. "You're my substitute, Monty."

"It's Mont. And yes, I am your substitute. Feeling threatened?" the raven-haired girl replied with one raised eyebrow, the previous apologetic smile fading into a mask of aloofness. My respect for her instantly grew because there were only few people who dared to mess with Santana.

"Threatened? By you?" Santana crossed her arms, throwing her head back, and I was tempted to shake my hand and hiss something like, 'Whoa, signature bitch move'. But as a smart girl who sometimes learned from mistakes, I kept my big mouth shut and decided to rather enjoy the conversation between them two.

"Well, gathering from the way you react, I would say, yes, you are feeling threatened by me," Jennifer coolly replied. "I'm at least as good as you and I never complain during practices. I think it's only a matter of time until Coach will place me where you used to stand. Permanently."

I slightly leaned away from them two. The tension between them was starting to get to me, _me_, someone who was usually oblivious to these kind of things. But damn, I knew a cat fight when I saw one, and this – this was about to get really good. I had to admit that I enjoyed seeing Santana getting all riled up from someone who wasn't me, so I could lean back and not fear about my throat getting cut when I wasn't looking.

"You think?" Santana growled out and it couldn't have sounded less like a question. "Well, wanna know what I think? I -"

"Frankly," Jennifer smoothly interrupted her, holding up one hand, "no, not at all. I have no desire to listen to your horrible grammar which is so irrelevant since you're from the finest neighborhood of Lima."

I clamped a hand over my mouth to suppress the laughter threatening to come out. Santana looked positively pissed, I was torn between deciding whether it was a funny or a scary sight.

"Bitch did not -"

"It was nice talking to you," Jennifer interjected again, easily brushing Santana off like a snowflake off her shoulder before she turned to me with a friendlier smile. "I'm sorry we didn't get to talk, but I've gotta go now. I just remembered that I still have homework to finish in the library."

She didn't wait for a goodbye as she stood up, swiftly turning on her heels and marching out of the canteen. Staring after her, I scrunched up my eyebrows in confusion. That was a rather short conversation.

I turned my head back to look at Santana again who was still staring after Jennifer with a furious look. Automatically, my mouth formed a small smirk.

"Who was that?"

Suddenly filled with happiness to hear this familiar voice, I looked up at Quinn with a bright smile and hugged her around the waist since I was still sitting and she was standing.

She chuckled under her breath and waited for me to let go, but I pressed one side of my face flat against her stomach.

"Berry, stop acting like a baby," I heard Santana say and I bet she was rolling her eyes at this scene.

I reluctantly pulled my head back and tugged at Quinn's Cheerio uniform top to sit down next to me.

"I missed you," I sweetly whispered before giving her a short peck on her cheeks. She gave me a weak smile, "But it was just an hour last time I saw you."

"Way too long," I sighed and I leaned in to try and steal a kiss, but the blonde unexpectantly turned her cheek to me. Frowning, I pulled back, not able to hide the hurt appearing on my face.

"Rachel, we're in the school canteen," Quinn lowly said, but it only deepened my frown.

"It's getting awkward," Santana drawled, standing up and grabbing her tray, "so I'm gone."

Ignoring Santana's leaving, I slowly said, "But no one cares."

"Well, I do," Quinn meekly answered, not able to face me as she turned her head away.

And my heart immediately dropped, thinking that I had done something wrong again. What was it? Was I pushing us too hard? Going too fast about being out and proud? But it couldn't be, she didn't seem to mind when I had kissed her in Breadstix. But maybe back then, no one we knew was there to witness us. And it was too dark to see.

"Quinn," I breathed, at a loss for words, because what did you say when you knew your girlfriend was upset and you knew she would try to deny it once you asked?

"Quinn, if it's something I did -"

"No," she quickly interrupted me before I could go too far with my self-doubting speech. "Not really. I don't know."

She was starting to confuse me and I didn't like that feeling at all. I felt like Finn, not able to follow her on the same mental level she was, not able to understand her.

Quinn looked fairly upset and this sight was making me feel desperate because I hated seeing my girlfriend upset, I hated not being able to wipe off that expression with one motion. I even more hated the reason that had gotten her upset in the first place because knowing Quinn, she wouldn't tell me unless she was sure it wouldn't hurt me in a way. Yes, she was amazing like that, not wanting to bother me with things if they weren't worth bothering, if they were to be forgotten in a few days anyway.

"Quinn, if you can't tell me why you're upset, just tell me what you've done," I said, searching for eye-contact with her and she slowly looked me in the eyes. Hazel eyes, insecure and rapidly blinking.

"I had a talk with Finn," her low voice whispered. "Just few minutes ago."

My whole body turned rigid. And somehow, I wished I had never asked. Because even though I should be smarter by now, maybe first listen to the whole story before I judge, I just didn't know better than to feel everything inside of me aching at this.

I shakily drew a long breath.

"It's not what you think," Quinn quickly added, sensing my insecurity rising. "This was the first time we talked since we've broken up. He deserved to know why I ended things with him, so out of sudden."

And though it wasn't as painful as before to breathe, I still had trouble keeping my heart beat regular.

I didn't know why I had been so afraid at this admission. I couldn't understand why my heart felt like being squeezed and pressed by a steel fist. Maybe it was fear. Fear of losing Quinn again.

"He was surprisingly calm," she slowly said, and that was what scared me the most. That was what Santana had talked about, about not being able to predict Finn's behaviour. I would've even preferred with him trying to get with my girlfriend again, it would've been the normal thing to do and I would've had a reason to beat him up.

"He seemed to understand."

Of course he did. He had something planned. I could feel it, it just wasn't like Finn to calmly stand around and watch his ex-girlfriend leaving him for another girl who had been treating him with no respect from the moment on they had met.

"Finn said he isn't angry. He seemed to be sincere about it and he wished me the best for our relationship, Rachel," Quinn muttered, her eyes searching for mine and I reluctantly looked back. Why was she looking at me like she was searching my face for any indication on how I felt towards her? Didn't she know how much I trusted and loved her?

That look could only mean a few things, and in this context, it only meant one.

"But there's a lot more that he said, didn't he?" I warily said. "Giving us his fake blessing can't be the only thing he mentioned, right?"

And Quinn looked caught, averting her gaze, avoiding my inquiring eyes.

"Quinn," I sighed, feeling helpless right now.

"No, Rachel, it's nothing," she tried to calm me down, but it only caused the opposite because it couldn't be _nothing_ if it got her this upset.

"Whatever he said, he's lying," I hissed, feeling the anger creeping into my voice. I didn't want to lash out at Quinn when it was obviously not her fault that Finn chose to manipulate her, but I found it quite hard to control my emotions right now. I had been fucked over too many times, and I was not about to bear it from someone who didn't even dare to do it in front of my face.

"He wouldn't do that," Quinn defended him and it burned a hole in my heart. She hadn't denied that Finn had said more than given his blessing. "He's never been a good liar. I can tell if he's trying to invent something out of the blue."

"So you believe him more than you believe me?"

Shocked, Quinn was grasping for words as I continued, "What did he say that you can't repeat for me right now? Why can't you let me know? And please don't tell me that you want to protect my feelings because you're doing the opposite right now."

And I didn't know why Quinn had chosen to react like that, but instead of giving me soothing words, she had grabbed my face and kissed me. She just kissed me, hard, it was almost a bruising experience and so unlike the other kisses we had shared so far.

It was emotional, fueled by frustration from my side and desperation from her side, and we couldn't get enough. It was only when we heard people whistling and catcalling that we broke apart, not able to pretend to be alone in our bubble anymore.

And even then, we both rushed to somewhere private to keep making up with our lips because words failed to mend our little disagreement. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong and I didn't know how to ask her what was wrong. Another proof why words were so useless, so little compared in meaning.

So we tried to read the other with our lips, we tried to evoke gasps and moans of pleasure, tried to hear and feel what the other was thinking through these sounds of passion. I was currently marking her neck with my teeth which I usually never did, not without her pleading me to do it, but now, it was the only thing that gave me some sort of control.

I wanted to make her feel things, wanted to hear the need in her gasp, the want in her moan because I didn't know how else to make her express these things. If she couldn't tell me what had her this upset, then I had to find out about it myself.

And at the same time, I knew she was trying to make up to me for not being able to tell me. She was trying to distract me, making me forget with her restless mouth. And I did, I could pretend to have forgotten about it for these few blissful minutes with her lips providing me a nice distraction.

But later that day, when I would lie in bed alone with my lips and neck still tingling from the pleasant assaults, my mind would remember why we had passionately made out in the first place, and I would get all miserable again. Because in the end, I still didn't know what Finn had told her that made her act so unlike herself.

* * *

><p><strong>!AN!: My spring break's starting tomorrow and I'm gonna be on a two weeks long hiatus because, well, Spring Break. But don't worry, I'll be back. I think. <strong>

**Okay, feel free to rip me apart with your words.**

**EDIT: Because of some reviews - I'm not ending this story (not now anyway) and I'm not on a hiatus because of laziness or whatever, but because I'll spend my vacation in a place where there's no internet, only beaches and seas. And hot people I hope.**


	31. Chapter 31

**Refreshed and happy from vacation, I'm updating again, and to make up for my two weeks long absence, here's a longer chapter. **And what the fuck did I just watch on Glee?

RIP Rachel Berry Who Used to Have Bigger Dreams Than Finn.

* * *

><p>"Now that's some shit."<p>

Well, Puck got straight to the point.

I had just told him about what had happened between me and Quinn, and about the whole Finn deal, trying to keep my voice low as we were in Chemistry class.

"But I think that Quinn's right," Puck muttered, glancing at the teacher's back before he continued, "Finn's never been a good liar. He wouldn't make up anything to break you two up, he's not clever enough for that."

I frowned. "You think so?"

Puck nodded and added, "You're just being paranoid. I guess it's normal, since you snatched his girlfriend away and all."

I slowly nodded my head, thinking that he had a point. Finn had every reason to talk to Quinn, to sort things out and maybe make amends about their broken relationship. Just because they had a conversation didn't mean that Quinn was going to leave me for him, not after all that she had gone through to be with me.

"But I still want to know what's got her acting so strange," I mumbled.

"Define 'strange'."

"Well, I -" I stopped in my sentence to pause, searching for words. "First, when I greeted her, she wouldn't let me kiss her properly in the school canteen. And when she saw me getting upset, she almost pounced on me. I don't know, she tried to hide her strange behaviour by acting even more strange."

Puck thoughtfully ran a hand through his mohawk, shortly ruffling it a bit. "You gotta think from Quinn's position. Maybe she's not completely comfortable about being out yet, you know, so she didn't want to make a show by swapping spit with you in front everybody."

I grimaced and almost forgot to hold my voice down as I hissed back, "Gosh, we were in the canteen. Trust me to have enough decency to not stick my tongue down her throat."

Puck's smirk told me that he did just the opposite. I groaned.

"Okay, okay," he quickly said in a hushed voice when the teacher turned around to give us a warning look.

"It's not okay," I grumbled back, mindlessly flinging a pellet of paper at Jacob Israel out of frustration. He didn't even notice the piece of paper getting stuck in his huge afro.

"Look, bro," Puck whispered to get my attention again. "Either way, she's not the kind of girl for PDA."

"PDA?"

"Public display of affection, duh. From what century are you, girl."

I warily looked at him and he defensively shrugged his shoulders. "What I'm trying to say is, that Quinn's more a private persion, I think. No making out in public places I guess."

I raised one eyebrow. "We kissed in Breadstix -"

"Where nobody's looking 'cause the lighting is so dark."

" - and we kiss in the hallways -"

"Where only a small crowd of people linger around between classes."

Frustrated, I tried to recall every time we kissed, trying to figure out if there was a pattern like Puck was hinting on. If she really only kissed me when few people were around or when no one was looking.

My shoulders slumped down, I felt myself deflating in my seat. He was right. "You're one smart bro."

"I know, right?"

I bet Puck was tempted to high-five himself if his big cocky smirk was any indication.

"Then please explain why she decided to make me forget about the topic by kissing me? In front of everyone?"

That was when Puck's short-lived triumph vanished and he went back to thoughtfully scratching his neck and ruffling his mohawk.

"Did you like it?"

I gave him a wary look, "The kiss? Of course yes."

"And you were a little bit upset at first 'cause she didn't kiss you, right?"

"Not really upset, just thinking that something was wrong."

"But then she kissed you and you stopped pressing the matters about Finn. Right?"

"Yeah." I didn't know what Puck was trying to play at. Either he wasn't trying to play at anything or I was simply too stupid to get it.

"Gosh, chicks are confusing."

I snorted. And for one second I thought he had a theory about Quinn's strange behaviour.

"No, Rach, that's not everything," Puck added when he saw my reaction. "See, you wanted her to kiss you back at first. And maybe Quinn was sorry and gave you the kiss, a little bit delayed, but, she gave it to you."

"That doesn't make sense," I pointed out. "We had a little fight inbetween. She didn't kiss me 'cause she remembered that she never reciprocated. She did it to make me drop the topic, to stop the fight."

"Ahh," Puck suddenly drawled, perhaps too loudly this time and the teacher whipped around, glaring at him.

"Is there a question, Mr Puckerman?"

"To answer yours, no there's not," Puck casually countered, leaning back in his chair.

The teacher begrudgingly turned back to the blackboard to furiously scribble more chemical formulas. I grinned at Puck who just smirked.

"So, what was your epiphany about?" I asked him.

"I get it, I so get it," he said in triumph and I let him live a little bit longer in his fantasy bubble.

"Enlighten me."

"That's pure complex chick logic and I decoded it." Puck seemed positively amazed from his own achievement. "Let me break it down to you..."

"I'm a 'chick' myself, just get straight to the point," I reminded him.

"So," he started, "maybe it's got nothing to do with Finn. She just wasn't ready to kiss you in front of the whole school and when you asked her what was wrong, she lied and used Finn as a scapegoat. And when you got too upset about him, she tried to repair the damage by giving in to you, by kissing you which is what you wanted in the first place. Or none of this would've happened."

I gaped at him, slowly straightening myself in my seat. "Are you high?"

Puck scoffed and crossed his arms. "C'mon, it totally makes sense. You think it's all about Finn, and she thinks you're all about getting the kiss. She thinks you're upset because Finn's the reason that you ain't getting any. She doesn't know you're upset because she's upset. Whoa, that's some complicated shit."

I was giving Puck not enough credit for his occasional special moments. Because the more he said, the more did it sound logical and plausible.

"You're a genius. Bro-five!"

* * *

><p>Feeling so much better now and more prepared, I waited at Quinn's locker to catch her here, to talk about the misunderstanding between us. She always stopped by her locker to retrieve books between Science and Math in this fifteen minutes break. Not that I had studied her schedule more than I should've for my English test.<p>

"Waiting for Q?"

I turned my head to the left so see Santana opening her own locker which was next to Quinn's. I nodded.

"She'll take a little bit longer. The teacher made her stay behind because she got an A+ on her last test." And Santana rolled her eyes at that. I was tempted to make a sarcastic comment about the A on her own test peaking out of her folder, but I let it be as she suddenly looked around with a nervous look before she secretively whispered, "I found the perfect ring for Brittany. Made of colored gems, has all the rainbow colors."

Genuinely glad for her, I gave her a smile. "That's great! When will you give it to her?"

Santana shuffled with her feet at this and I chuckled at this unusual but cute sight.

"I don't have it yet," she admitted, "and that's where I need your help. It's in this jewelry shop at the other side of the town and I don't have a car for the next whole week. You mind giving me a ride?"

Shrugging, I easily replied, "Of course not. Just know that you owe me."

Santana rolled her eyes. "I promise to stop cock-blocking you. Is that enough?"

"Yep, pretty much all I ask for," I laughed, though fully aware that she might not be able to hold this promise for too long. "When do I pick you up?"

"Got time after Glee on Thursday?"

Shortly deliberating if I had already made plans with anyone, I came up empty so I nodded. "Sure."

"Thanks, Berry," Santana said in relief. "You're useful after all."

Raising one eyebrow at her, she smirked and added, "You know I'm joking."

I laughed and I was kind of amazed of how far we had come. First from not being able to stand each other to now having each other's back. She belonged to one of my closest friends, even if it didn't seem like it, but her friendship meant as much to me as my bromance with Puck. She was the one to pull my head out of my ass and make me fight for Quinn after all.

We had witnessed each other crying and breaking down, and we had helped each other stand back up again. It was impossible _not _to build up a strong friendship over that.

"Oh, one thing," Santana suddenly added. "Don't tell Q about it. I've convinced Brittany to go to hers after Glee so she would be too distracted to call me, 'cause I know when she calls me and asks me where I am, I won't be able to lie..."

"Santana, breathe," I reminded her when started rambling.

"Anyway, don't tell Quinn where you're going because she'll be super excited for Brittany and my girlfriend can sense that. She'll interrogate the shit out of _your_ girlfriend and then I'll blame you for ruining the surprise."

"Thanks, I got your back, too," I ironically replied.

"You love me and you know it. See you later," Santana smirked and strutted away, adding a sassy swing to her hips because she knew I would be watching her going. I shook my head with an amused smile.

"You and Lopez, huh?" A teasing voice caught my attention and I looked for the person speaking to me.

"Oh, hey Jennifer," I greeted her with a smile before I replied to her question, "Me and Santana? All hell would break loose. No, I'm just helping her with something."

Jennifer grinned and opened her locker, absently putting books in it as she turned to me again, asking, "Helping her with her girlfriend, perhaps?"

Surprised, I nodded. "Yeah, how do you know?"

She smirked and shrugged. "It's not hard to read her expressions. When she's not bitchy, she's whipped for Brittany. There are only two options. So, if your help is required, I guess it has to be a big present, right?"

I found myself nodding before I even stopped a second to consider if it was wise to let her in on the secret that I couldn't even tell my girlfriend. But then again, Jennifer had nothing to do with Brittany, so it couldn't harm.

"It's not really big in size," I informed her and she looked interested, "it's jewelry. We're driving to this jewelry shop -"

"At the very south of Lima?"

I kept getting surprised by her and I was somehow intrigued by how she could know all this.

At my questioning look, she laughed and held out her hand, showing off a shiny gold bracelet. "I regularly shop there. It's the only decent jewelry shop in Lima, it really wasn't a hard guess if you knew this town a little bit better."

Of course, what did I know about Lima?

"So you're driving there this week?" Jennifer asked and I guessed she did it out of pure politeness, showing interest in our plan to buy this ring. I appreciated her attempt to keep the conversation flowing with this topic, but I somehow wanted to let her know that I liked to talk with her without having an excuse.

"Yeah, on Thursday after school. But what's more interesting, you said you often shop there?"

It was very polite of her to downplay the fact that the diamond bits on her bracelet sparkled in the yellow hallway lights now and then.

"How can that be interesting?" she laughed, closing her locker with one swift motion offhand. "As I said, Lopez is living in the finest neighborhood of Lima and-"

"And let me guess, you're her neighbor," I concluded and when she didn't object, I smirked in triumph. "Santana doesn't know, does she?"

"Oh, she does," Jennifer narrowed her eyes at the mention of the fiery cheerleader. I guessed she didn't like her much then. "She just chooses to ignore me."

I groaned and shook my head, almost feeling like apologizing on Santana's behalf. I opened my mouth to say _something_ to make her feel better, when Jennifer put up one hand and quickly said with a small smile, "It's okay, she has every reason to hate me since I bumped into her Audi yesterday, but thanks for trying. I need to get to my class anyway. Bye then."

"Oh, wait!" I hastily said before she could walk away. "About that present thing, Quinn can't know, okay? Just don't let it slip in cheerleader practice or something, if she knows, then Brittany will know as well."

"Oh? Is that so?" Jennifer looked surprised and...pleased? I innerly rolled my eyes, I still was no use when it came to expression reading.

"Your secret's safe with me. See you in Cheerio's training." She smiled and waved before quickly striding away, having left so fast that I had no chance to really say goodbye.

"What did she want?"

Startling, I whipped around to finally see the person I had been waiting for what seemed like ages.

"Quinn," I sighed and almost leaned in to kiss her when I remembered what had happened last time.

She had her eyes narrowed in suspicion, looking at the corner where Jennifer had vanished around, and I chuckled when I realized what this was about.

"Quinn. Quinn? Baby?" I tried to gain her attention and her features twisted, hardening a second before they changed into a blank one. She sighed and finally turned her head to me, giving me a small smile.

"Hey," she breathed and pecked me on my left cheek before opening her locker.

"Quinn, about yesterday -"

"I'm sorry," we both simultaneously said, then pausing.

"Why are you sorry?" we said at the same time again before we broke out in laughter, finding humor in this situation.

"You first," I nodded to her, but she shook her head. "You first."

"Okay, I'll stop the cliché by going first," I said with a soft smile. "I'm sorry if I made you think that I was upset over not getting a kiss from you. I was upset because _you _were upset and you weren't telling me why."

Quinn looked taken aback by this confession and she almost dropped one of her books if it weren't for me quickly reaching out and catching it. Instead of giving her the book back, I took the other ones out of her hand. You know, to avoid her dropping them, wouldn't want her feet getting smashed by these thick books.

I gently nudged her with my free hand, indicitating that I wanted to walk her to her class. She shyly smiled and we started walking in a slow pace.

"I'm sorry that I got you upset for no reason," Quinn lowly said and I looked at her in surprise. "Rachel, it's really sweet of you to feel along with me, but as I said, it was nothing."

I really tried not to feel frustrated at hearing these words again because I still didn't believe her when she said it was nothing. This time though, I chose to let it go because Quinn had the right to sort things out on her own if she wanted to. I wasn't going to play the nagging girlfriend, probing and poking around until my curiosity got satisfied. It wouldn't be called helping if I did that.

Coming to a stop in front of her classroom, I gently gave her the books back.

"Hey," I softly said, searching for her eyes, "whenever you're ready."

She dragged her gaze down to my lips, before she looked at me again, a smile tugging at her lips.

"I'm going to kiss you, okay?"

As if she had to ask.

Bringing our lips together, I sighed into it because it finally felt natural again. Though I didn't mind our rough kisses yesterday, it hadn't felt like ourselves because we had been controlled by negative emotions, we had been too riled up to take the time to fully enjoy it. Rough was only fun if it was based on trust that one wouldn't hurt the other, and yesterday, our bond had some rifts in that department.

"See you in lunch break?" she whispered against my lips after she had pulled away. I brushed my lips against hers, muttering, "Why do you ask? You know I'll be outside your classroom, waiting for you."

Quinn's chest visibly heaved and she breathed, "Just needed to know."

It could've been her words, the timid undertone in them or simply her insecure voice which made me stop breathing for one second because it knocked the air out of my lungs. I just couldn't – I didn't understand why.

Asking her what was wrong again lied on the tip of my tongue, but I drew a deep breath and swallowed my words instead. I was tired of getting dodged again, I wasn't going to feed my own frustration by asking questions which would bring no clear answer.

"I'll be here," I told her before the bell rang and she got ushered into the classroom by the teacher. She threw me one last look over her shoulder before the door got shut in my face.

And I suddenly felt miserable and stupid and desperate. I should've said more, said more than just a stupid 'I'll be here', should've told her that I would always wait for her. I could've at least told her I loved her, just to remind her again because she seemed to have forgotten it for a moment. So many things I should've said and done instead of being silent and then saying something as empty as 'I'll be here'.

I couldn't help feeling that I had messed up again.

* * *

><p>I hadn't been in such a bad mood for a long time. Now and then, I would close my eyes and mutter a half-hearted prayer to any higher spirit, in hopes of opening my eyes to see a freely smiling Quinn. But instead of seeing all the problems solving from themselves, it would only make me realize once more how useless dreaming and praying was.<p>

I hadn't seen Quinn the whole day in school. It was the only day where we didn't have Spanish class, so I didn't know whether she was ill or avoiding me. Though I would never hope for someone to be sick, let alone my girlfriend, I would prefer the first reason over the latter one. I couldn't take knowing that she had purposely avoided me the whole day.

I watched Puck striding across the schoolyard like he owned the place and I wondered what he had done this time. He was walking straight towards me and I could already see his trademark smirk on his face though the sun was blinding me.

"Whatever you're gonna ask, I say no," I muttered as soon as he was in hearing range. Puck put a hand on his chest and acted like he was offended, but his smirk hadn't wavered a bit.

"I wasn't gonna ask anything, bro," he said and sat down next to me, his eyes observing the students in the schoolyard.

I turned my head to him and raised one eyebrow. And though he didn't turn to look at me, he knew that I was warily staring at him.

"Alright, maybe one tiny little question," he gave in with a sigh and ran a hand through his mohawk.

Facing forwards again, I allowed myself to display a small satisfied smile.

"I know how you're, like, committed to Quinn with all that fidelity stuff, but I was just wondering if we could perform together again? You know, like before, us on the tables with lots of swag and sex exploding all over the place."

I took a second to process his question. "I don't get it. What does Quinn have to do with me performing songs with you?"

That was when Puck's smirk vanished and he looked at me incredulously. "What? So you've never noticed all along?"

If I had a mohawk, I'd probably pull at it in frustration. But long hair wasn't fun to pull at."Noticed what?"

"Girl, we were hot stuff 'cause we were selling sex in musical form," Puck said like it was so obvious that he couldn't believe he had to explain it to me. "We were badass and hot and most important of all, we were _single_. Them chicks were drooling over us 'cause we were approachable, well, I still am, but you're not anymore. You can't sell music for sex anymore or Quinn's gonna flip her shit because we all know how crazy she can get if anyone else wants a piece of this fine Berry pie."

I had never looked at it that way. Staring at Puck, I wondered how some people still called him shallow and ignorant. His concern about Quinn was the perfect counter argument, not even I myself would've thought of the possibility that she might not agree with me dancing suggestively on a table, blowing kisses into the crowd and winking at girls.

"We're still hot stuff," I said after some thinking. "We don't have to sell sex to be hot. We can do some quieter songs, you know, actually meaningful songs and not some club tracks."

Puck worldlessly nodded before he lowly said, "But I still wish things were like before."

By the tone in his voice, I guessed he wasn't only talking about the song selections.

I heavily sighed. "I'm sorry it's this way, but I don't regret anything. I mean, Quinn - she's like my first everything all over again. She gave me so much, it's only right if I give it back."

But Puck slowly shook his head, and he muttered, "It's not about that. I just miss our bro-times."

Somehow, I felt guilt poking me somewhere in my heart. It was true, I had kind of neglected our weekly bro dates in favor of Quinn dates.

"I just miss how we used to play Resident Evil for five hours straight and how we choked on our pizza when suddenly a freaking zombie appeared out of nowhere. On our last bro date, you were so busy texting Quinn that you left me alone to die over fifty times at the same spot."

Now he had accomplished the goal to make me feel like an absolute idiot. Which I honestly was because no bro deserved this.

"Tell me how I can make it up," I guiltily said, wanting to reach out and soothingly rub his arm, but his expression changed into a sad one.

"It's not like you're gonna keep your promise."

And I just didn't understand why he hept shooting those bullets called 'guilt' into my heart.

"What do you mean?" I slowly asked.

Puck ruffled his mohawk, seemingly stricken about what to say. Finally, he sighed.

"'Cause I'd be suggesting something like going to a bar with you throwing a round, but then you'd say no because Quinn wouldn't approve of underage drinking in a bar. And then I'd suggest going to the mall because that's where the hot chicks hang around, and you'd say no because duh, you already got a girlfriend. My last suggestion would be you throwing a pool party with lots of hot girls to make it up to me for forgetting me on bro dates and that's unforgivable. But guess what your answer would be? _No_, because _Quinn_ would go all godzilla if drunk girls in bikinis flung themselves at you. See what I'm getting at?"

His voice had raised towards the end of his little rant and the corners of his mouth dropped. My heart ached at seeing him like this because this wasn't Noah Puckerman at all. He would never show his negative feelings, maybe get all sincere and quiet, but never really sad.

I had underestimated the power of a bromance. It was as strong and as intense as a romance, but only on the platonical level.

Instead of feeling annoyance towards him, because he had kind of blamed my girlfriend for everything, I only felt sympathy. I could understand him very well because I had been once in that situation, too.

I remembered how Kate had gotten her first boyfriend and how she had seemed to spend every single second with him instead of me. I had felt left out and ignored, because even if I had tried to talk to her while she had been texting her boyfriend, she had only hummed or shook her head in response. For a few weeks, it had seemed like we were growing apart, with her constantly hanging out with her boyfriend and with me trying to compensate the lack of attention by dating more girls.

But thank God it had turned out that her boyfriend was a real asshole and I had gotten to beat him up with Jake helping me, and even Nikki had kicked him in his nuts. Since then, I was very protective of Kate and I would always first scrutinize her potential love interests before she got to go on a date with them.

"You know I can't change anything about it," I quietly said. "I'm in a relationship now, and it requires some sacrifice from both parts. Being faithful is one of the basic rules."

"Yeah, I know," Puck grunted and he played with the hem of his letterman jacket. "Even if I don't understand how you can stick to only one girl, I know this stupid rule. But what I'm trying to say is, that _you _are changing."

Taken aback, I gaped at him. "I – what? How am I any different now?"

"Bro, don't wanna hurt you or anything, but you're – you're just not that badass as you used to be," he answered and he made me only stare at him harder. "You know, you used to ride your badass bike and skip classes with me and get smashed at parties with hot girls crawling all over you, but now you do _homework_ and you fasten your seat belt when you drive, and you actually read books where there are no pictures covering half of the pages. I don't wanna say it but - Quinn's got you so whipped, it ain't funny anymore."

So that was what he had been about all the time. And he was close to crossing a line because nobody got to question my badassness, not even my bro.

I didn't want to, but I actually felt pissed now. Not at Puck, but at the fact that he might be true.

And I dealt with it the wrong way. Instead of quietly reflecting and rationally thinking how this change and when this change had happened, I steered into the wrong road. "Have I really changed that much?"

I had given in to my pride.

Puck gravely nodded. "You sometimes take notes in Chemistry. It's creepy."

I chewed on my bottom lip. "But it's a good thing, isn't that? I mean, I do wanna graduate."

But Puck just shook his head. "It's not like the real you."

A tiny voice in the back of my head wondered who the real me actually was. And this tiny little voice kept nagging that I had never been a badass to begin with. That I had always just searched for attention and hidden my insecurities behind a mask of arrogance. That maybe now, the person I was now, that was the real me.

"It's like you can't do anything without asking her first. Is she your momma or what?"

And the voice in my head got cut off, completely drowned in the wave of irrational indignance I suddenly felt.

I was independent, I had been for a very long time, and I didn't need anyone's permission to do what I wanted.

"I still do what I want," I grumpily said, but Puck raised an eyebrow and easily shot back, "Really? Then why don't you skip afternoon classes with me, right here, right now, no one will notice 'cause it's still lunch break."

When I didn't reply, Puck muttered, "I thought so. Quinn wouldn't approve, now would she?"

And I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists. I didn't know why I got so riled up.

Maybe because things were adding up. Puck was so right, how could Quinn expect me to be completely honest to her if she wasn't completely honest to me? She just wouldn't tell me what had happened between her and Finn, she still hadn't told me what he had said that had made her upset that day.

And I doubted that it was about protecting me because I could very well protect myself. Nothing Finn had said could hurt me so much that I would slip into depression, only rage. And there was no other reason why she would keep it a secret from me. How hard could it be to just repeat the words Finn had said?

So why would Quinn insist on not telling me? What was her irrational fear that allowed her to withhold this information from me? I just wanted her to be okay. I wasn't probing for answers because I was curious, but because I wanted to be able to tell her they weren't true, whatever the answers might be. I just wanted to know the problem so I could solve it.

No, Quinn didn't get to demand me to give up everything if she herself wasn't even willing to give me one simple answer.

"Call me if the real Rachel Berry is back," Puck muttered and lightly clapped me on my back before he stood up and left.

As I stared after him, I shoved away the nagging voice inside my head who urgently said, _But the real Rachel Berry is right here._

And I stood up, brushing imaginary dust off my shoulders, readjusting the collar of my shirt. The louder and obnoxious voice inside of me pushed away all the rational thoughts in my head.

_I'm still badass. I don't need no one to tell me what to do._

* * *

><p>After I had gotten with Quinn, I had avoided hanging around with other Cheerios because I thought things would be awkward. I mean, those girls used to ogle at my legs, now they barely dared to look at me without fearing to do extra push-ups.<p>

But Puck's words were still ringing in my ears, so I went straight for the Cheerios table where the Unholy Trinity was missing for whatever reasons. They looked surprised at first before they suspiciously turned their heads, expecting Sue Sylvester to appear out of nowhere. But when I assured them that I just wanted to know how they were doing, they started to freak out even more.

They were obviously stressed out from the tiring cheerleader practices and Sue never failed to mention how much she was going to torture them if they didn't win the Nationals' title. She reminded them every single time they stood on the field with trembling legs. And by the looks of their untouched food plates, I felt sympathy for them welling up in my chest.

So I tried my hand at doing a pep-talk, trying to cheer them up and make them see the bright side of it all, even if I felt like lying to them. But the trick was to sound convincing. And it worked, so I couldn't bring myself to feel bad when I saw the worried wrinkles on their faces vanishing.

When I stood up to leave again, I caught Jennifer's eyes from across the table and she simply gazed at me with a look that made me uncomfortable. But I smiled and winked at her anyway, then waved at the other Cheerios.

For now, I felt good.

* * *

><p>When I walked through the choir room door, I was disappointed not to see Quinn sitting in the stands. But maybe it was better this way because Puck was already there and he watched me walking towards him with a neutral look.<p>

I raised my fist and said with a lopsided smirk, "You, me – pizza, beer and video games. Like before."

Puck hesitated and unsurely asked, "For real? And what about the Triple P's? Party, pot and pussy?"

For one second, a stricken look flickered across my face at this before I steadied my expression with a smirk again. "All in."

_Stop, you don't know what you're doing -_

I suppressed this thought when Puck bumped my fist with a pleased look.

"So my bro's back?" he asked in a hopeful tone. I just nodded and sat down next to him. "No more cancelled bro dates."

He laughed out of relief and leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed behind his head. I relaxed in my chair as well, watching how the choir room door opened once again and a nervous Santana rushing through, directly towards me.

"It's still on, right, Berry? After Glee, you remember?" she quickly said, shooting uneasy looks behind her in case someone walked into the room.

"Of course I remember," I slowly said while I willed my brain to think quicker, trying to remember what the hell I had planned with her.

Puck let his arms drop. "What, doing kinky stuff behind your girlfriends' backs? And I'm not invited?"

"Shut up," Santana growled out and turned her head towards the door again. "Berry, Britt's present, remember?"

Oh. "Yeah, I know," I casually said. Now I remembered that I had to play chauffeur for Santana this afternoon, so she could get to this jewelry store at the other side of Lima.

"What, filming wanky videos for Brittany? Can I be the camera man?" Puck asked again, though he was less serious and more enjoying the possibilities of naughty things we could be doing.

"Yeah, if you last long enough to film the whole video," I mockingly answered and lightly shoved him. He just chuckled and sighed, "Ah, the fantasies."

"Ew," both Santana and I cringed. In the same moment the door opened again and the rest of the Glee Club entered. I sat up straight when I saw Quinn, accompanied by Brittany on the right side and Finn on the left side, walking towards the stands.

"Remember, not one word to Q," Santana hissed lowly and took her respective seat, only to have a joyful Brittany plopping down on her lap and giving her a sweet peck on her lips.

I turned my head to look longingly at Quinn, wishing she would do the same. But she only let me kiss her cheek and then she sat down next to me, with a distance of one foot that felt like a million miles between us.

"Where have you been all day?" I worriedly asked.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," she lowly said and for one moment, my heart swelled in joy, thinking that she was finally going to tell me what Finn had said to her, when she continued, "But I've been rather busy today. Santana, Brittany and I had to spend our lunch break with Coach Sylvester in her office. We were planning on a strategy on how to scare our competition in the Nationals. It was rather tiring."

I didn't let my disappointment show when I choked out an, "Oh."

We didn't say more because Schuester chose that moment to begin the Glee meeting, and all I could do was sit there in misery and sulk.

Once again, I didn't have any control over this situation. I didn't dare to bring up the 'What did Finn say' topic, so I couldn't know what the issue was. And I wasn't going to apologize first when I had done nothing wrong.

When Glee was over, Quinn lightly grabbed my hand and forced me to look at her. I almost wanted to flinch at the lost look in her eyes.

"Do you want to come over? Brittany wants to bake cookies with me and maybe you want to join."

Behind Quinn, I saw Santana furiously shaking her head and slicing her throat with her hand, then pointing at Brittany who was talking to Mike about new dance moves.

I locked my eyes with Quinn and apologeticly said, "I'm sorry, I can't. I, uh -"

And this was where I had made the fault of not planning a lie ahead. "I already have plans."

I really didn't like lying to her. But I didn't want to break a promise either. And Santana was first to make me promise her not to tell Quinn.

Quinn's hold on my hand loosened. The slightest movement, yet I had noticed it when she herself hadn't probably realized it.

"What plans?"

My eyes darted behind her to Santana again who quickly mouthed, 'Make up something'.

"I'm – I'm helping Shelby to coach Vocal Adrenaline," I found myself saying and I innerly cringed at this bad lie. "She knows I'm Sue's assistant in coaching the cheerleaders, so she thought I could supervise the dance moves from Vocal Adrenaline."

But Quinn only stared at me without emotion. "But you hate Vocal Adrenaline."

"I'm doing this for Shelby. We finally made up and I want to bond with her over something somehow."

"When did this happen? You don't even see her most of the time and why would you help our rivals? Why didn't you tell me that you've made up with Shelby?"

_Why didn't you tell me._

Her words kept echoing in my ears, echoing so loud that the sounds were overlapping until one cold thought entered my mind.

_I asked you the same. About Finn. And you didn't tell me either._

And I didn't know why, but instead of dogding this with another lie, I felt myself getting angry over why she was so probing for an answer. Had I been this urging when she hadn't told me the complete truth? Had I been this pushy? This nosy?

And the loud, obnoxious voice returned. _I think not._

"Listen, Quinn," I tried to stay calm, but then I remembered what Puck had said to me. "Believe me or not, it doesn't matter, because you don't get to tell me what to do and say."

Her hand completely slipped out of mine and she took one step back, her eyes blinking in confusion and shock.

But I wasn't finished, the words '_you used to be badass' _and _'is she your momma or what?'_ deep engraved in my brain, still hauntingly buzzing in my ears. "I don't have to tell you what plans I have or with whom I have them, I have the right to keep secrets like you do."

With every biting word that came out of my mouth, the hurt on Quinn's face became more and more apparent. She hugged herself with her arms.

"What happened to you?" she slowly whispered, her voice rough. I worked my jaw and kept my hard mask on.

"What happened to _you?"_ I reverted the question, my own voice rising, all the while aware that our argument had grabbed the attention of those Glee Clubbers who hadn't left yet. Which were only Santana, Brittany, Puck and Mike.

"We were doing fine, just one week ago!" I loudly said, exasperated, not caring if I was becoming personal with four other people still in the room. I trusted them not to spread the news of us fighting. "Remember? In the auditorium? We were laughing and dancing and singing, and you know what I was thinking about?"

Quinn's wide eyes didn't dare to blink, while the corners of her mouth were twitching.

I stepped one step towards her. "I was thinking about us, thinking about our future – together." I let out a shaky breath. "We've come so far. We've dropped our masks and taken down our walls, we bared every secret we had to each other. And now I feel like we're going backwards, with you not telling me what Finn said. Can't you see? You're building up those walls again!"

It was as silent as in a vacuum filled room. Not even the slightest sound of someone breathing could be heard.

I watched Quinn slowly take a step back, and as the heel of her shoe connected to the ground, it had to be the loudest, most terrifying noise I had ever heard.

She had never stepped away from me before.

Quinn brought up a hand and for one second I thought she was going to slap me, so I closed my eyes on instinct. But when nothing came, I opened them again, catching her wiping a stray tear from her cheek.

All the anger and exasperation I had felt before turned into one massive lump of guilt settling in my throat, and I just uselessly stood there, watching Brittany quickly walk towards us and softly take Quinn into her arms. What made me swallow hard was the sad look the taller blonde was shooting me while she was whispering soothing words into my girlfriend's ear.

Helplessly, I turned my head to Santana but she was too shocked at how everything had turned out. She looked stricken and guilty as well. Maybe she felt like it was her fault that I had to keep a secret from Quinn which led to...this.

My eyes moving on to Puck, he was grabbing his mohawk with both of his hands, completely dumbfounded by what happened. When his worried eyes met mine, I only gave him an empty smile, but I understood his look.

The guilt on his face was twice as heavy as on Santana's face. When he had complained about me spending less time with him because of Quinn, he hadn't meant for me to start fighting with her. And now he felt responsible for planting this seed of irrational frustration inside my head.

But in the end, it was still me who had fed this frustration until it had grown so big, it blew up in my face.

Only Mike didn't seem to understand any of this. He didn't know any of those recent problems, he still believed that our relationship was fine and dandy.

Well, I had believed that, too, up until the day where she had refused to tell me what had happened between her and her ex-boyfriend.

"You know," and I jumped at the sudden break of tension, my eyes snapping back to Quinn who blankly looked at me. She seemed so small and insecure in Brittany's arms. "All I wanted was to spend time with you. I wanted to fix this, fix whatever has come between us and I've thought about telling you what's been bothering me – but...never mind. Do what you have to do."

I didn't get the time to process her last sentence or work out what the hell she meant with that, because with one swift turn on her heels, she was gone, rushing out of the room with Brittany hot on her trail.

I stared at the door she had left through.

"Rachel," Santana said, slowly and very quietly, and all eyes turned on me. "What did she mean with 'Do what you have to do'?"


	32. Chapter 32

**I was getting off track with too much angst, so I completely rewrote everything after last chapter and cut short the angst. The cut stuff will probably posted on Tumblr if anyone wants to read that.**

* * *

><p><em>"Rachel," Santana said, slowly and very quietly, and all eyes turned on me. "What did she mean with 'Do what you have to do'?"<em>

If only I knew.

Wordlessly, I dejectedly shrugged.

"Rach, I'm so sorry," Puck began and he kept pulling at his mohawk in shock, "I made you turn against Quinn just because I blamed her for getting to spend less time with you. It's not that I don't like her or don't support you two, I was just bummed and needed to let off steam."

"You didn't make me turn against Quinn," I quietly said and looked to the ground. "I made myself turn against her."

"But I was the one who tipped you off!" Puck retorted. "If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have gone all mad on her."

He let his arms drop to his sides. He sighed. "Man, I was such an idiot, sprouting all that crap about missing the real you when you were there all along. I can't believe I almost wanted to force you to become someone else again."

I felt an arm being placed on my shoulder and I almost expected it to be Puck, when I looked up to find Mike giving me a good-natured smile. "Though I've got no idea about what has happened, you're gonna be fine. Quinn may like the badass side of yours, but she fell in love with the real you. You know, the girl with the amazing voice and charming smile and big ass heart. Who has a stuffed lion in the backseat of her car."

I playfully punched him on the chest at the mention of Quinn's gift in my car which had been a steady companion since last Christmas.

"Yeah, I always knew that Berry was only half as badass as she liked to be," Santana said with a smirk. "Could see right through her pretending when we had our first real talk, which happened to be about Quinn."

I shot her a glare. "Then why did you never blow my cover?"

That was when I was surprised by her deflating. She sighed heavily and shook her head. "Cause I was doing the same. Berry, you should know by now that I care more about people's view on me than I'd like to admit. You know my situation three years ago? I couldn't let anybody know that I was some insecure lesbian with a major crush on her best friend, that's why I became the way I'm known for now. So why would I have called you out on your pretending when I had been doing the same?"

I stared at her and wondered why I kept on forgetting these things.

"And now, we're finally doing progress; I'm not afraid of kissing Brittany in school now or any public place for that matter, and you've stopped being an ego-centric wannabe badass. Things are going great the way they are, but what you just did there took you back to zero."

Arguing had never been my strength when it came to Santana because she was always so damn right.

"Yeah, maybe I overreacted," I admitted, but then tried to defence myself. "But I'm tired of always being the one who screws up and apologizes. I always manage to be guilty when I'm not, and I honestly don't know what I've done this time."

At this point, I was more looking at Puck than Santana because he was the only one who understood what I was saying. He was the only one I had told about the strange behaviour of Quinn.

But he mistook my intense gaze as a glare and he started to apologize again, "Damn, it's all my fault – Rach, I didn't mean to fill your head with my crap, I should've taken a chill pill first, I'm such an ass -"

"No, I'm not blaming you," I interrupted him before he could rant further. "I'm the asshole here if I let my pride take over me."

He didn't seem convinced and I forced a reassuring smile on my face. "It's fine, really, things were about to blow up anyway."

Santana held up one hand. "Wait," she slowly began, "about to blow up anyway? So this little tension between you and Q, which is not one of the sexual kind, has been there for longer?"

And out of all sudden, the second she reminded me that things had been shaky for the past days now, I just wanted to run away and hide until Quinn would find me. But a large part of me was fearing that she wouldn't be even searching for me.

Instead of answering Santana, I tiredly said with a voice devoid of emotion, "Santana – I'm sorry, but can you ask Puck to be your ride to the jewelry shop? He can explain everything and I need to rest."

I had expected her to object and force me to spill the truth and then play my shrink, but her next movement took me off guard.

She was hugging me.

"I figured you needed one," she whispered into my ear and I tightly hugged back, clinging on to the warmth of somebody who cared about me.

"She needs two," Puck added from behind and engulfed us both into his arms.

I heard Mike laughing from the side and not a second later, I felt myself being caged in by them three together.

Strangely, I didn't feel trapped with their arms around me, keeping me in place and holding me tight. I didn't have the strength to break out of this group hug yet I had never felt so strong. And maybe it was because of the secure feeling that I wouldn't be able to fall, not even if I let go of my body control. They had me in such a tight embrace that my feet got lifted a few inches over the ground.

And just like that, my heart got lifted off the ground as well.

* * *

><p>I had been staring at the phone for half an hour now, my thumb hovering above the area of screen that was stating 'Dial'.<p>

And before entering this trance-like state, I had spent another hour debating whether to call Quinn or not.

I never had such a spectacular mental fight between heart and brain.

Because my brain kept telling me that I had done nothing wrong, so why would I make the first call when it was Quinn who started with all the hiding secrets stuff.

But then my heart would kindly remind me that she had suffered just as much as me under this, and that she had been ready to tell me the truth if it hadn't been for me blowing up in her face with my stupid oversized pride.

So that was how I found myself gripping my phone until my knuckles went white.

I drew a deep breath. I wasn't going to make the same mistake as Finn. Letting a girl like Quinn go. This problem we had, it was little compared to the real issues of relationships, so I wasn't going to lose her over these small things.

We could fix this. We were mature enough to do this.

I could do this.

I turned on the screen again and dialled Quinn's number for the millionth time and just when I was about to hit 'Dial', my phone was buzzing and I almost let it drop in surprise.

Quinn was calling me.

My hand was shaking so hard that I needed three tries to accept the call before I pressed the phone against my ear, stopping to breathe.

The line was silent. No sound, no voice. No Quinn's voice.

Disappointment knocked my heart completely out and I released a shaky breath. I was in the mid-movement of pulling my phone away from my ear when I suddenly heard a small voice whispering, "Rachel?"

This time, my phone did drop and I quickly dove after it to hold it to my ear again.

"Quinn!" I made a strange gurgling sound.

And then the line was silent again, only the buzzing static could be heard. But this time, I didn't lower my phone, I didn't even move my whole body.

And then there was the voice I had learned to love so much, "I'm sorry."

I didn't know what to do, I was so overwhelmed with relief and joy that I just wanted to drop my phone, run all the way to Quinn and kiss her.

"Rachel?" Her voice was insecure and tiny.

"Yes, I'm still there," I quickly answered, "I heard you. I just needed a moment to recover."

"Oh."

And then we fell silent again. I strained my ears to distinguish the slightest sounds she could be making at the other side of the line and I sighed in relief to hear her breathing.

When it seemed like she wasn't going to say anything anytime soon, I tentatively asked, "So how come you're apologizing first?"

These long pauses inbetween were killing me. I'd even appreciate the noise of paper rustling in the background, but all I heard was – nothing.

Finally, after a while, "Santana just told me."

And I gripped my phone a little bit tighter, closing my eyes and mouthing a 'Thank You' to Santana.

"She explained everything right after Brittany had left."

I tonelessly hummed. Was I expected to answer?

"I was stupid," I heard her suddenly sigh and I frowned, immediately retorting, "Don't call yourself stupid."

"But I was," she softly replied. "I was stupid for not trusting you."

And I closed my eyes, desperately fighting all the negative feelings that were threatening to creep into my heart. She had just admitted that she hadn't been completely trusting me. It felt like a blow to the stomach.

Yet here I was, able to calm myself down and take things for what they were worth – Quinn was talking to me again. Really talking again. I had missed this so much. I had missed _her_ so much.

"Rachel..."

"I'm not going anywhere," I sighed. "It's just – how do you expect me to react after what you've just told me?"

The electric buzzing returned and filled the line for a few slow seconds until I heard Quinn whispering again, "I didn't expect anything. I thought you were going to hang up on me."

And it shattered my heart, breaking it into tiny, little pieces because I still couldn't understand how she would even think of that.

I cleared my throat before I suddenly said, "I need you."

"I need you, too," was shyly whispered back after a pause.

"No, I mean, I need to be with you," I urgently continued and I ran a hand through my hair, ruffling it in frustration. "I need to see your face, I need to hear your voice that's not distorted through this line and I – I just really, really need you with me. Please let me have you the way I need you."

Though it wasn't even a second that she took to answer me, it still felt like an eternity until she breathed out, "I've never stopped being yours. You had me from the beginning."

And I felt like weeping out of pure happiness.

"Will you be here in ten?" she quietly asked.

I jumped to my feet.

"I will be there in five."

* * *

><p>I couldn't remember how I got there. I couldn't remember much. It was all a blur of driving through red lights, stumbling out of the car, throwing myself at Quinn, hugging, kissing and touching her.<p>

And then it was more touching and more kissing and more making out, and somehow we landed on her bed, and somehow, after seemingly hours of making up with our mouths, we fell asleep in each others' arms.

* * *

><p>When I woke up, it was sudden and I gained consciousness in a matter of a split second. I didn't blink many times first, didn't move around and stretch, I did none of those typical wake-up-movements, I was just awake. I switched from off to on, without a start-up time.<p>

And the first thing I noticed, I wasn't alone. My basic instinct told me to get up and leave, because that was how I was used to it, that was what I had always done before; getting up before the other could wake up. But then I remembered that I hadn't done this for a while now. Because first, I hadn't had one-night-stands for months, and second, if I woke up next to someone, then it would be my girlfriend. And I'd never leave before she woke up.

Second thing I noticed, I was being spooned from behind. And I loved it. The warmth, the amazing feeling of being held and loved – I felt safe.

"Do you feel better now?"

I tensed up before I relaxed again, having been startled by the sudden words whispered in my neck. I turned around on my other side to face Quinn and she looked wide awake as well. Had she been awake before I was? And how long?

"How did you know I woke up?"

She smiled weakly. "We share a bond, don't you remember? I feel what you feel. And I know you."

I closed my eyes and snuggled my face into the pillow, sighing. "You obviously don't know me enough if you had trusting issues."

And here I went. Straight to unfinished business. Like we had never made up at all. But I still needed to know.

I felt the mattress shifting beneath me and I fighted against the urge to open my eyes and see what she was doing.

"I was stupid," I heard her whisper and against my will, my eyes fluttered open and I hissed, "Stop calling yourself stupid."

"But I was," she insisted and I watched her rolling on her back, facing the ceiling. "I got insecure with stupid lies."

So there were in fact lies about me.

"I should've just tuned out when Finn started talking about you..." Quinn whispered, still staring at the ceiling. I watched her from the side and admired the profile of her perfect face. "But I couldn't blend him out...my insecurity got the better of me, and I found myself listening to him, letting him feed my fear."

My hand twitched. I wanted to reach out and touch her face and say something calming, but I knew it was better to just let her talk.

This way, I would finally learn what had our relationship so strained all this time.

"He was so genuine when he said he cared about me," she whispered and I swallowed, pushing back irrational thoughts. This time, I needed to focus and let her talk.

"He said he didn't want me to get hurt," Quinn softly said. "Said that I should be careful. Because of your past and how you used to be, and he started comparing you with Puck..."

My body went completely rigid and just like a statue, frozen in the moment, I stiffly laid there and stared at Quinn's face.

_I. Will. Commit. Murder. And. It. Won't. Be. Pretty._

"That's it, I'm gonna add 'murder' to my file records -" I tried rolling off the bed to get moving, but Quinn hugged me from behind and effectively held me in place.

"No, you're not, because I won't appreciate having to bake you a birthday cake with a nail file in it," she softly breathed into my ear and hugged me tighter. I stopped fighting against her and actually took one second to process what she had said.

And suddenly, I wanted to laugh because of the irony. The thing with the birthday cake and the nail file – that was what I had exactly told Santana.

"He's not worth getting in trouble for," Quinn continued, mistaking my trembling shoulders for rage when I was suppressing a laugh. "He didn't know what he was saying when he accused you of – of cheating on me -"

And all the laughter was knocked out of my lungs in a nanosecond.

"WHAT!" I practically yelled and easily broke free out of her hold, sitting up straight in the bed and staring at her with utter disbelief. "_That's_ what he's been saying all the time? _That's _why we had our stupid fights over?"

I just couldn't believe it. No fucking way. Because of _that _fucking lie, I had started doubting myself again, had started to think of myself as a big screw up. I almost lost my girlfriend. I almost lost myself. All because of a fucking lie. A lie that Quinn had obviously believed in.

To say that I was outraged was a fucking understatement.

Quinn opened and closed her mouth, fishing for words. She looked too stricken for her own good.

No mohawk be damned, I pulled at my hair with both of my hands until my scalp was screaming with pain. "How can he – how can _you –_ I don't understand, is _that _what's been bothering you? Is _that _the reason you stopped trusting me? I can't even -"

I stopped ranting and pulled at my hair more. I was looking crazy right now. I had to be because I felt like going crazy.

"Sorry, Quinn, but seems like you've got no choice but to include that nail file next time you're baking me a birthday cake, because I can't let that son of a -"

"Rachel!" Quinn reached out to pull me back to lay down with her, but I was far too upset to even consider lying down. Or sitting still for that matter. "Please, lie down. Lie with me."

Lying down next to Quinn was a whole nother world, so I slowly let my back sink down onto the mattress and I sighed. It was strangely comforting. It could be the soft mattress, it could be Quinn's presence or both – I felt myself calming down and breathing through my nose again.

"I'm sorry for my outburst, I didn't mean it," I mumbled, then paused. "Actually, I'm not sorry and I do mean it."

And then I fell silent, listening to Quinn breathing and I felt my own rhythm matching hers.

"I should've told you from the start. Then all this could've been avoided," she suddenly spoke up and I quickly said, "It's okay."

"No, it's not," she bitterly said. "I kept telling myself not to bother you with it because I didn't want you to get upset and do illegal things to Finn. Just because of a lie."

She paused to tiredly rub at her eyes. "But the real reason I didn't tell you...is because I was afraid that it would be the truth."

And my breath got caught in my lungs. If she had told me from the start, I might have felt hurt, but now with her telling me this – it definitely fucking hurt as hell.

Alone the thought that she'd even consider it true. I was dying inside.

"I was afraid that you wouldn't react the way I wanted you to," Quinn shakily said and I quickly took her hand, "what if you reacted weirdly and avoided my eyes, what if you started stuttering and getting nervous...see how stupid I was, first doubting you and then willing to act blind if it were the truth."

Now I couldn't argue with her over her stupidity anymore. It was understandable, barely so, but I still had no fucking clue why she would do this to herself. Yes, I had heard about trophy wives pretending not to know about their successful husbands sleeping with their secretaries because they would get nothing out of a divorce, but this – this was entirely different, why would Quinn do that herself, _if _it were true?

And yes, now I felt hurt and upset, and very much so. But not only on my behalf.

"I – I can't believe it, I just don't understand," I pressed out, burying my hand into my hair and pulling on it. "Why would you do that to yourself? And to me? Don't you know much this hurts, learning about this? About how you were afraid of telling me because you really thought I was cheating on you?"

"I didn't – I never said nor believed that you would – would _cheat _on me," she said in a chopped voice and she flinched at the word 'cheat'. "I was only afraid of the possibility."

And I couldn't help feeling more offended by this.

"Of the possibility?" I repeated in disbelief. "Quinn, I _love _you, the possibility of me thinking of anyone else is zero to none."

She sighed and turned over, facing me again and her exhausted look startled me. "Don't you get it? I was willing to play clueless if you were unfaithful, and it's not because I love the pain or the hurt, but because I love _you_."

And my heart stood still. I hated the feeling of guilt making my insides churn.

"I love you so much that I just don't want to have any reason to leave you," she whispered and her voice sounded broken, just like my heart. "If that's the only way to keep you...I would've done it."

I felt the bridge of my nose heating up and I hated myself for wanting to cry again.

"But why," I choked out, "why would I ever want to be unfaithful to you..."

Quinn shakily drew a breath. "We're not...we're not having sex yet."

If this was what it all was about, then I wanted to cry even more. "I don't know what makes me more upset, the fact that you'd consider me cheating or the stupid reason of it."

Quinn released a long breath. "It's a very common reason."

"But not for me!" I said, maybe louder than I intended to, because Quinn flinched and I immediately regretted raising my voice. I snuggled closer to her and deeply sighed. "There'll never be a reason good enough to use it as an excuse to be unfaithful to you. Quinn, I didn't go all the way of finding myself in you just to break everything again."

"I know," I heard her whisper. "I should've known better. But it all added up and I got so insecure-"

"It all added up?" I asked, now propping myself up on an ellbow.

Quinn looked reluctant to tell me but I guess she had learned from her mistakes and she said with a sad smile, "First Finn, with him telling me how you're Puck's female version. And then I always saw Jennifer Mont leaving just when I was approaching you. And what finally triggered it off was after the last brutal Cheerios' practice on Wednesday, in the dressing room."

Wednesday, wednesday...where had I been after the training? Yes, I had stayed behind with Puck and Mike on the football field, half of the time playing serious football and the other half was spent with goofing around, tackling each other for no reason.

Quinn wetted her lips before she continued, "It was tense. Everybody was stressed, training had been a disaster and three cheerleaders got injured. Santana and Brittany took them to hospital, so they weren't there when it happened."

"What happened?" I whispered, fear gripping my heart. Quinn shortly closed her eyes.

"They attacked me, verbally."

And I nearly had a heart attack when she had said 'attacked', but even when she had quickly added 'verbally', I still felt no better.

"It's never happened before," and by the look on her distraught face, it was so obvious that she was still upset about it. "They've never dared to speak up to me. But Santana wasn't there to stand behind me, and everybody was in a bad mood, and they blamed me for not telling Sylvester to go easier on us. That's when they started talking about what got to me the most. About you."

And I tensed up, seeing as Quinn closed her eyes as in pain.

"They...they asked me how our sex life was...and when I didn't answer, they started laughing and giggling...they knew that we haven't done it yet..."

I never knew that someone could feel so miserable by simply listening to a story. But this was painful and I was so glad that Quinn decided to no longer hold it in herself, because I was desperate to take away some weight of that pain, desperate to let her share it with me so we could carry it as a pair.

"And they started talking about you...that you needed sex on a regular basis and that they were willing to comply...willing to give to you things I couldn't offer..."

"Quinn, no," I choked out, "don't tell me you believed them..."

"I tried to ignore them," she shakily whispered, bringing up one hand to wipe at her eyes and I watched her with a broken look, "I tried not to listen. But they were talking so loud...and then...one of them said that you're interested in me for only one thing..."

_No. No, no, no...I don't want to hear it, don't want her to say it..._

"My virginity."

I turned on my back, feeling knocked out cold by this and I breathed heavily through my nose.

I didn't know why I felt so sick and cold and disgusted by this information. I had already expected it, yet I still couldn't take it when I heard her say it out loud.

Quinn didn't know. She didn't know the real reason why I had wanted to be only her friend after I had hitted on her the first few days I met her. She didn't know that exactly this piece of information had made me step back and say to myself that she was off limits.

Because even back then, I would've never wanted to take her virginity if I wasn't going to be in her life for a longer time. As much as I had been a jerk about everything; taking virginities out of fun had always been out of the question. And maybe it had something to do with my own crappy first time which I couldn't even completely remember.

"I..." I trailed off, not knowing what to say. Words failed me big time.

"They kept talking and I kept listening," Quinn mumbled next to me, and though it was barely above a whisper, I flinched at the sound. "I was paralyzed. I couldn't drown their voices, I couldn't just quickly change my clothes and run out to you."

It was my fault. I should've accompanied Quinn and protected her, but instead I had gone playing football. Why had I been so blind? So blind to the tension within the squad and so deaf to the biting words from the Cheerios towards my girlfriend? And not even Santana or Brittany had been there to help her.

My chest slowly heaved. Breathe. Breathe. Finally, I coughed and spluttered and immediately felt hands patting my back.

Vicious, back-stabbing bitches from the cheerleading team. And to think that I had felt sympathy for them when they had been so anxious about the approaching Nationals. I had even tried to cheer them up, telling them that they were all going to make it big if they won the Nationals' title.

I sat straight up, about to leave my bed when Quinn grabbed onto my wrist.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm gonna visit every single Cheerio and make them -"

"Rachel! No, you're just going to make it worse!"

But I shook my head, furious, retorting, "After what they've done to you? What they've done to us? I'm not gonna sit around and do _nothing_, because their stupid lies almost broke what's most important to me. And the first one on my to-kill-list will be Finn."

And I shook off her hold on my wrist, standing up from the bed, reaching for my jacket draped over a chair. But as soon as my fingertips touched the fabric of my jacket, it got ripped away under my fingers and I looked up to find Quinn hiding it behind her back.

"Fine," I breathed out, side-stepping her and brushing past her, "I'll go without a jacket then. Don't want blood stains on it anyway."

I barely got to the door when I got grabbed by my shoulders, flipped around, pressed up against the door and got kissed like never before. All my previous intentions flew out of my mind and I moaned into the kiss. I could kill the Cheerios later.

Quinn had her hands buried in my hair and her body pressed against mine, and it literally took my breath away at how she was furiously working her mouth against mine. Sweet jesus was she fierce, was she trying to suck the soul out of my body? Then damn did it feel good to lose a soul.

But this super mind-numbing kiss couldn't last forever since oxygen was still a basic human need, so we pulled away panting and gasping, and I stared at her with glazed over eyes.

"Rachel, please don't go and make it worse," Quinn managed to press out between pants, leaning her forehead against mine and I closed my eyes.

"Why," I whispered, "just tell me one good reason why I shouldn't set their houses on fire."

Quinn stared at me, unblinking, and it was somewhat intimidating.

"Because you say you love me. And that makes everything they say invalid."

And she would always win. I managed to crack a weak smile, placing a soft kiss on her lips. "You're one smart cookie."

Quinn breathed out a laugh. "I wish I was. Because then, everything that's happened lately could've been avoided."

I thought back to what she meant. It actually had started with Finn talking to her, telling her that I would cheat on her. And I got thoughtful.

Finn was really anything but a good liar, but how had he been able to even fool my girlfriend into doubting me? Maybe he hadn't been aware of lying. He had actually been convinced of his opinion, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to _sound _convincing.

And now the million-dollar-question was, _why _was he so convinced of me cheating on Quinn? Didn't that mean that he would somehow have proof or even have someone being that proof?

And the million-dollar-question just got solved when my brain came up with a certain, raven-haired Cheerio.

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><p><strong>If anyone wants to read the original version I had written, just tell me and I'll post it on Tumblr.<strong>

**I recommend the original version for those who're not afraid of drama and like to know Jennifer's motives behind breaking Faberry apart. **


	33. Chapter 33

**I'm on a freaking update trip, enjoy it while it lasts. :D**

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><p>"You sure you wanna do that?"<p>

"Give me the helmet, Puck."

I impatiently reached for the football helmet after I had put on the football jersey and readjusted the shoulder protection pads. My football outfit was almost complete.

He reluctantly handed it over to me before he pulled it back to himself again.

"You could get hurt, Rach. Why don't you let me do it, I've got a way harder body. No need for you to tackle him with your … small stature."

I indignantly 'psh'ed and ripped the helmet out of his hold, retorting, "I need the satisfaction of seeing him rolling in the dirt because of me."

Puck still looked unconvinced as he adjusted the straps of his own helmet.

"I mean, I know it sounds stupid coming from me, but – don't you wanna try talking to him instead?"

I blankly stared at him and lowered the helmet I had intended to put on.

"Who are you and what have you done with Noah Puckerman?"

He loudly sighed and threw up his hands. "I worry 'bout you, 'kay? I know you're supposed to be my bro and everything, but right now, you're more like my little sister and I don't like seeing you getting knocked over by some giant."

He looked so adorable right now with his pouting that I just wanted to hug him, but I lightly punched him on the shoulder pad instead before I cringed and shook my hand.

"Thanks, that means very much to me," I genuinely said. "But this is the only way. Football has been Finn's territory for a long time and I need to beat him on his on field if I want him to give up."

Puck still pouted but now it looked more playful. "You know that I could get my ass kicked for smuggling you into our practice. Or even for lending you the uniform."

I grimaced. "I'd be more thankful if it didn't stink so much. Anyway, it's not like your Coach is gonna notice one more player."

For a crappy football team, they sure had a lot of football players and most of them were sitting on the bench anyway. The Titans made an impressive total of fourty players where half of them never got to play in important games. Which was all the time.

A loud yell that sounded more male than female errupted from the distance.

"Get your asses out on the field!"

Puck shot me a look before he put on his helmet and closed the straps. "You ready?"

"Would it be cliché if I said I was born ready?"

When he blankly stared at me, I lauged and put on my helmet as well. Before I put in the mouthpiece, I pounded him on his shoulder again, this time with the palm of my hand and yelled, "Let's kick some ass!"

"Yeah!" He laughed and together, we jogged to where the rest of the football team was.

Hidden behind Puck, I kept looking away or staring at the ground whenever Coach Bieste's eyes landed on me, and even when she was pretty clueless about the additional player in her team, the rest of her team wasn't.

I caught Dave staring at me with confusion and I sheepishly grinned at him. Still somewhat confused, he shrugged and turned his attention back to the football coach.

While Bieste was lecturing them on tactics and strategies, I squinted my eyes and tried to find the reason why I was even here.

There. Standing half-hidden behind Mike, Finn barely listened to Coach Bieste, completely unmotivated now that he wasn't number one quarterback anymore.

In stark contrast to Finn, Mike was enthusiastic about the practice and he was shifting his weight from one foot to another, his face a look of pure concentration.

"Okay, understood? I don't care if not, get out on the field and play till death!" Coach Bieste yelled and whistled loudly, making the jocks next to her jump at the shrill noise. She seemed to trust her team enough to let them practice on her own because next thing she did was walking off to the school building.

"Uhm, so what are we supposed to do?" I whispered to Puck.

"When we practice our game, we usually pair up in two teams and play against each other. So here's what we do, we gotta be Finn's opponent if you wanna have a reason to beat him."

Sounded alright with me.

Puck volunteered to be the leader of one team, that way he could make sure that I was on his team playing against Finn. He then chose Mike and another few football players, while the other team begrudgingly chose Finn. He hadn't been at his peak form since Quinn broke up with him, which didn't make him a popular choice.

I didn't understand much of football, but it was enough to play it. I had no idea of the strategies and maybe there were none, judging the babaric ways they sometimes pounced on each other. But I liked the athmosphere in the McKinley's stands when people around me went wild whenever the Titan's scored. And I loved the breaks, especially when a certain blond Cheerio would appear on the field and motivate the crowd, searching for me in the mass of people. I would wave like a fool and shout, 'Here, here!' and she would laugh before waving back at me with her pom-pom.

I would even go watch a game of chess if Quinn performed as a cheerleader in the breaks.

"Okay, you will do fine," Puck nervously mumbled, hesitating to put in his mouthpiece in case he had a lot more to say. I chuckled and took out mine to reply, "You're more nervous than me."

"That's because you're tiny!" he pointed at my stature and I huffed. "Just look at you, you're gonna get smashed like an ant if you're not careful."

"Stop underestimating me by my stature," I growled. "I may be short, but I'm flexible and a fast runner. You of all people would know, you never manage to catch me when we play touch football!"

Puck sighed. "Alright, but I still think you cheated. I mean, I already had you last time! But somehow, you slipped out of my grasp, you speedy mouse."

I laughed and playfully knocked on his helmet. "Stop worrying. It's cute, but unnecessary. And if you keep talking about my stature, I'll call you a sexist."

He looked offended enough, so I gave him a genuine smile. "C'mon, you know I didn't mean it. But – thank you. It's good to know that I can lean on you."

He grinned. "Always. I've got your back, bro."

We went to our positions and well, I more or less just followed what the others were doing, relying on Puck's whispered instructions.

"Okay, here's the situation," he muttered, his eyes narrowed in focus. "We're playing defense for the first half of the practice. Our opponents made Finn a wide receiver, they don't trust him enough to let him be the quarterback anymore. That position is reserved for Azimio."

He paused to frown at that before he continued, "So I made you cornerback, that way you can blindside Finn and I'll make sure no one's blindsiding you. I'm an outside linebacker."

A little bit overwhelmed by that flow of information, I just nodded.

"Okay, we're starting now. You gotta go to your position, there," and Puck pointed to somewhere near the sideline, where Finn was standing. "You're opposite of Finn. Don't let him get out of your sight, and only tackle him when he's receiving or having the ball."

Maybe I was not as ready as I had made myself believe.

Walking to my position, I suppressed the urge to make my first foul by tackling Finn before the start of game. Instead, I avoided looking at him to keep my identity unknown, and I bent my knees and lowered my upper body, balling my gloved hands into fists.

Out of the corners of my eyes, I saw him curiously looking at me, because he had never seen such a small football player and he had to be wondering if I was new. Or just one of the substitutes that normally never got to play.

The center guy roared things I couldn't understand before he tossed the ball behind him through his legs, passing it to the quarterback, and that was the cue for everybody to get moving.

I was one second too late, shortly distracted by the muddy ground under my feet, that I had missed Finn sprinting past me. Quickly throwing my body around, I channelled all the power in my legs and ran after him; realizing that one missed second had been enough for Finn to get an advantage.

Admittedly, he was quite fast and he knew how to use his giant legs to sprint while I had a little problem adjusting to the muddy ground, which easily gave in to my running shoes.

I had expected Finn to be more clumsy and less in control of his body, staggering along the field. Guess he hadn't been quarterback for no reason.

My vision was limited because of the helmet, I kept turning my head to all sides to see if someone was going to crash into me and I noticed with uneasiness that a player of the opponent's offensive line was right behind me.

I shot a look behind me again, just in time to see my chaser going in for a tackle and I dogded by quickly jumping to the side, escaping his flailing arms. I only heard a dull thud behind me as I focused on chasing Finn again.

Someone yelled his name in the distance and I looked to the side, seeing the rotating football flying towards Finn; and suddenly motivated to rain on his parade, I willed my legs to go faster and I found myself quickly catching up with him.

Finn was already stretching both of his hands out, his head turned to the arriving football while the rest of his body was facing forwards. Turned out he could run and catch at the same time.

"Fuck no," I growled under my breath to myself, biting hard onto the mouthpiece. I was so close behind him, just a little bit faster and I could reach him...

The moment Finn's fingertips grazed the pigskin, I lunged at him and almost jumped on his back when I tore him down with me, using my weight to fully stop his attempted run for the endzone.

Together, we slithered across the dirty, wet grass for a few feet before we came to a stop.

"Urgh," I heard him splutter and cough and groan in pain. Unlike him, I had been prepared for the fall, so I had used Finn as my damper, that was why I was halfway lying on his back right now.

I pushed myself off of him and stood up, brushing imaginery dirt off my shoulders when I hadn't gotten one single stain of mud on my uniform. The same couldn't be said for Finn; when he slowly got on his feet, I watched with a smug smirk how the whole front of his jersey was brown now instead of red.

I sent a silent thank you towards the sky for having rained yesterday or the effect of my impressive attempt of braking Finn in mid-run wouldn't be so apparent now.

"Oh, my jersey," he groaned and looked down on himself, "My mom just washed it yesterday."

Instead of laughing in his face, I quickly walked away so he wouldn't immediately discover what twisted game I was intending to play.

When I walked back to my position, Puck was already waiting there with a smirk so big it couldn't stay hidden in his helmet.

He worldlessly help up his hand and I high-fived it, saying, "That was just the beginning."

Going back to our positions, I bent my knees again to go into the right stance. I felt a little bit stupid for sticking out my behind like that, but when I watched Finn going into the same position, I forgot about my own dumb look and innerly laughed at his.

But I quickly returned my focus on the game. I couldn't let him pass me so easily like before.

Watching the ball getting passed from center to the quarterback, I got the feeling that this time, Finn wouldn't be receiving the ball anymore. Still, I followed him and occasionally looked back, just to see that the football was now in the possession of a running back.

He didn't get very far though, his body got quickly sandwhiched between the muddy ground and Puck.

"Yeah!" Puck shouted in triumph, jumping to his feet. "No one can escape the Puckster!"

I laughed at this and maybe louder than I should have, because the next second, Finn was in my line of vision, staring at my face and he asked with confusion, "Rachel Berry?"

That shut me up.

"Yeah, so what?" I defiantly retorted and that would've been more impressive if I didn't have a mouthpiece making me sound like chewing on oversized candies.

"Were you the one who tackled me?"

I ignored his question and went back to my position, knowing that he would follow me.

"Hey, you're a cornerback!" he exclaimed when he realized it.

"Good job, Einstein," I sarcastically snarled and took my stance, watching him doing the same opposite of me. This time, I was looking him straight in the eyes, meeting a wall of confusion.

"What are you doing here?"

Why did he keep on asking these stupid questions?

I didn't answer him as the round started, and the moment I saw the quarterback searching for Finn, I just knew I had to make it count.

We sprinted off, with him right in front of me as I had to keep a distance because of the rules.

Stupid rules. There should be only one.

Playing till death.

I ran like never before, dodging two offensive players, because now they saw a bigger threat in me since I had taken down their wide receiver once. I didn't let myself be bothered by them, though I almost tripped once in the hurry of staying close to Finn.

And in that tiny little moment where I had tripped, he seemed to have caught the ball and now his sprint had gained a new level of speed, heading towards the ten yards line.

I had to say I was impressed. But not impressed enough to let him win.

I pushed my feet off the soft ground with more force, leaning my body so far forwards that I would almost fall if I didn't keep on running. And then I made the jump, throwing myself at him around his midsection, once again pulling him down with me.

But then something unexpected happened; Finn didn't just simply fall on the ground like I had expected him to, he somehow managed to twist his body around in mid-fall, pushing me off his waist. Completely thrown off track by this move, I landed on the ground with my chest hitting it first, then my face following second.

_My. Fucking. Tits._

Rolling onto my back, I rang for air and only saw circling stars. I counted seven of them.

"Rach!"

I incoherently mumbled. I lost one star. There were only six now. And they were still spinning round my inner eye.

"Fuck, Hudson, what kind of move was that?" I heard Puck yelling somewhere in the distance. And maybe he was right next to me. I didn't know. I was too numb to distinguish the difference right now.

"It was self-defense!"

"Of what? She got you, and all you can do is to take it like a man!"

Puck's voice was getting louder. But that was probably because he was getting nearer.

Through my blurry vision, I saw a cloud in the sky, shaped like a lion head. I let out a goofy giggle.

"It was reflex, dude."

I pouted when the cloud vanished.

"I'm gonna rip you another asshole if you don't stop talking shit, _dude."_

My face lit up again when I saw another cloud, and this one looked just like Quinn's face and she was smiling and opening her mouth and saying, "Rach, c'mon, your creepy smile is freaking me out. Tell me you're alright, bro."

I frowned. Quinn didn't talk like that.

"Awesome. Just awesome, Hudson. Even I could hear the crack that her head made when she kissed the ground hello."

I felt arms around my shoulder, pushing me up so I would get into a sitting position. I complied without any objection. Cloud-Quinn was talking strange anyway.

"Wait – is that Rachel?"

Cloud-Quinn sounded a little bit like Mike.

"Yeah, long story. You got a clue how we get her back to earth?"

And she sounded like Puck at the same time! I dreamily sighed. Quinn could do everything. She was perfect.

"Maybe we should get Qui-"

"Hell no, she's gonna scalp me and use my skin as a hearth rug if she finds out that I've let Rach play football and get injured. C'mon, another idea. I can't let Coach Bieste find her like this either."

My vision slowly got clearer and I saw lots of figures surrounding me.

"Is that – a girl?"

"Isn't that Berry?"

"What is _she_ doing here?"

The football players were all gathered around me now.

Damn. My cover was blown.

My cover! My mission!

I instantly sobered up.

"Fuck!" I hissed and quickly tried standing up, but ended up almost falling again if it weren't for Puck and Mike holding me.

"Easy there," Puck muttered and he waited until I stood on steady feet before he let go.

That was awkward. Exposed to the football team, I sheepishly grinned at them.

"Wait a second," one of them slowly said. "So that tackle you just did...and the one before, that was you? You were the one who took Hudson down, twice?"

I put one hand on the back of my helmet, looking like I would sheepishly scratch my neck. I gave them a forced grin. "Yeah?"

It was silent as fuck, with only the wind softly whistling in the background.

Then -

"Awesome, dude!"

"Damn, what a move, girl!"

"That got swag."

I should be confused whether I was a dude or a girl, judging the way they called me, but I looked to Puck instead who had changed his worried expression into a proud one.

"You okay again? You had me freaking out for a few sec."

I nodded with a smirk before I remembered what the reason for his freak out had been. My eyes searching for Finn, I quickly found him standing apart from the others, with his arms crossed. I couldn't see his expression very well since the helmet was covering most of his face.

I didn't know what he was thinking. But I knew it was payback's time.

Insisting that I was okay, we went back to our positions and started another round.

And this time, I was extra careful. By now, everybody knew that I had it in for Finn, and no matter how many offensive players were trying to stop me from tackling him, I'd still get out of their reach and knock him down.

Each time he went down, it got rougher and rougher, and the both of us were suffering. We brought out the best and the worst in each other; he was so adamant on outrunning me and getting a touchdown, that he forced the quarterback to keep passing to him though Azimio seemed reluctant about tossing him the ball anymore. He had tossed it to the running back once, causing Finn to stomp over to him and have an apparently very effective talk, which ensured him every pass now.

And I was so focused on making him give up that I ignored the burning in my calves, or the sting in my sides, or any pain on any part of my body for that matter. I just wanted to tear him down and have him stay on the ground.

And then interrogate the shit out of him once he was too weak to fight anymore.

It felt like round three thousand when I finally beat him. Really, really beat him.

It had seemed like a normal pass to him, and I had myself prepared to knock into him with my shoulder once he got hold of the ball, but what I couldn't know was that he had missed the ball, failing to catch it.

That caused him to stop running and stay where he was; and I, just realizing that I had too much speed and too much momentum to brake in time, crashed into him with my eyes closed and teeth clenched.

The crash wasn't pretty. Protection pads on protection pads, it sounded all kinds of disgusting and terrifying.

We both skidded a few feet in the dirt until we came to a halt. This time, we both couldn't stand up anymore.

Heavily panting, we lied next to each other, blinking rapidly to get a clearer vision again.

"Okay," Finn choked out, having to struggle with his breathing, "fine, I give up. What is it that you want?"

I had to be quick. If the other players came, I wouldn't be able to ask him anymore. But there were so many question, all lying on the tip of my tongue, and I didn't know what to ask first.

"Jennifer," I panted, "you – everything you said to Quinn – why?"

I had expected for him to play stupid and waste time until the football players arrived, but instead, he heavily answered, "It was Jennifer's plan."

Of course he would try to depict himself as innocent.

I slowly sat up and saw Puck already running towards me. I put up one hand, motioning him to stop. I needed more time.

He immediately understood and held out his arms to stop the other players from nearing us.

I opened the straps beneath my chin and took off my helmet, carelessy throwing it to the side. I turned to Finn who still hadn't moved yet.

"Listen, I've played nice long enough," I started, watching his face. He had his eyes closed, still groaning in pain. "I know all about the shit you told my girlfriend, and I know that you're with Jennifer on this. So don't pretend and don't even try lying, just tell me what her deal with you was."

He didn't even try to buy time. He tiredly said with his eyes still closed and his face twisted in a grimace, "I owed it to her."

"What?"

How was that a good explanation for everything?

"It's – well, okay, it's not that important for what you wanna know." He sighed, then continued, "I was pissed, okay, I was really angry and that's why I agreed to this. She said she would handle the rest if I only told Quinn that you'd be unfaithful."

He wasn't explaining things fast enough. I needed more, more information and more details.

"And what exactly did she handle?" I impatiently urged him on.

He fumbled with the straps of his helmet before he took it off.

"She told me she was about to seduce you anyway. So that wouldn't make me a liar, because I would be telling Quinn the truth then. And Jennifer said if Quinn realized that I've been right all along, she'd probably come back to me."

That. Was fucked up.

"I'm about two seconds away from strangling you," I said through gritted teeth. Finn shifted away from me.

"I'm sorry, okay? I was so pissed at that time, I mean, Coach had placed me on the substitutes' bench, my girlfriend had left for another girl who had done nothing but given me crap all year. So what if I agreed to helping Jennifer to break you two up, you've done the same to me!"

I forcefully tore off the glove of my right hand, then used it to slap Finn in the face. "You freaking idiot, I never _planned_ breaking you two up! I didn't even know when Quinn had broken with you!"

And I slapped him with the glove again, just for good measure. "I can't believe I used to think she was better off with you!"

Finn got hold of the glove and ripped it away, yelling, "At least I wouldn't cheat on her with some cheap cheerleaders!"

This time, I slapped him without the glove. The skin on skin contact turned out to be more satisfying.

"What the -"

"Shut the fuck up!" I hissed at him. "I've never cheated on her nor will I ever, but you, _you _just look like the type of guy to cheat on his girlfriend the second he needs someone else to stroke his ego!"

Finn rubbed at his swollen cheek and I felt no pity for him when he winced. Instead, I went on, "I want to know everything Jennifer has planned. Now."

He stared at me, not moving, not replying.

I took off my other glove and held it up in a threatening manner.

He deflated. "I can't remember everything she said because she said a lot, but she mentioned something about gaining your trust, manipulating your phone and winning your love and...oops."

My mouth dropped open. They were literally open, like in those comics where the characters had an abnormally large mouth, forming a huge 'O'.

Gaining my trust? Manipulating my _phone_? And what – winning my – what?

I refused to believe it.

"You misheard," I simply said.

Finn had a shallow look stuck on his face. "Yeah, that could be," he muttered, scrunching up his eyebrows. "Thought it sounded strange."

I growled in frustration. "So what about my phone?"

He shrugged. "She didn't go into details. Gotta look for yourself."

I raised my hand with the glove again and he defensively held up his hands, exclaiming, "I don't know, I really don't know! She said something 'bout placing dirty stuff in your phone, but that's all I understood before she went on how she was going to make Quinn pay for...I don't know what."

I somehow had the feeling that I was no smarter than before.

I snarled at Finn and pushed myself off the ground, standing up again.

"Something else you wanna share with me before I pretend to faint and fall on you?" I snidingly said.

Finn seemed to buy my half-hearted attempt to get the last bit of information out of him.

"No, wait!" He held up his hands, looking so helpless the way he lied on the ground, in the dirt. "Just a few days ago, Jennifer told me she wanted to do the final blow and break up your relationship! She said something like, 'Rachel just gave me the perfect opportunity to twist my lie around it' or something close to that. Something about you and a – jewelry store? And Santana?"

So that was why she had looked so pleased about that information. That was why she had been so interested.

Just too bad that the truth had gotten out before Jennifer could manipulate it her way. Santana had already apologized to Quinn for not including her in on the secret that was Brittany's present.

I looked down on Finn again. "Tell your mom to wash your jersey twice, maybe she'll get that stench of failure out."

I grabbed my helmet off the ground and almost walked off when I noticed that I forgot something. Turning back around, I ripped my football glove out of Finn's hand and slapped him with it again.

"Ouch!" he exclaimed, staring at me with disbelief. I chuckled in grim satisfaction and strode back to the rest of the football players, who were doing a break now. Puck and Mike immediately jogged towards me once they saw me approaching.

"You sorted things out?" Puck asked.

"Kinda," I weakly smiled.

"Well," Mike began, "we still have an hour and it's our turn to be the offense. Maybe it'll take your mind off things when you're the halfback?"

If only I knew what that was. Puck came in to the rescue, "That's a running back position. So basically, you take those super hot and super fast legs of yours and put them into a good use, and I don't mean dancing on a strip pole with that, though I wouldn't object..."

I punched him on his shoulder pads, but I laughed anyway.

"Let's hope it won't rain again like yesterday," Mike worriedly said, looking up at the sky, where some clouds were occasionally blocking the sunbeams.

I put on my helmet and looked up at the sky as well, smiling. "Nah, to me, it looks like it's sunny with the chances of kicking some ass."

* * *

><p>I had learned more about football than I had ever done in those few years I had watched it.<p>

Turned out I was actually good at being a running back. There was no special height required nor a massive weight, I could use my small stature to my advantage and scurry my way out of the grasp of the defenders.

And the football team had been more accepting than I thought, even if they had shown reluctance to trust me at first. There were still biased opinions of course, but after they had seen me play, they had nothing to say against me anymore.

Mike, Puck and I; we were a strong trio. Mike was the quarterback and he passed to me most of the times, and Puck was a guard and he cleared the way for me so I could unimpededly make my way towards the opponent's endzone.

Somehow over the time, we forgot that I wasn't actually in the football team.

"You! You over there, you five feet nothing tall human! Over here, now!"

My whole body freezing, I let the football in my hand drop. I was caught. Puck was going to get kicked off the team for smuggling me in.

Dread made cold shivers run down my spine as I slowly paced towards Coach Bieste standing at the sideline.

Her hard expression did nothing to calm my nerves.

"Take off your helmet."

I did as she told and sqaured my jaw, thinking _fuck it, at least keep your pride. _So I looked at her straight in the eyes, not fearing any punishment she was thinking of.

"So you think you can worm your way into my team without me knowing it?"

I had to admit, she was scarier than Sue to me. At least Sue didn't look like she had the capability of eating me alive.

"Who gave you the uniform?"

As genuinely as I could, I answered, "I stole it."

She narrowed one eye as she scrutinized me. "Lying to protect a fellow accomplice? Huh. Quite the team player."

"Coach, I will face the consequences of my misbehaving and accept whatever punishment I will get, furthermore, I promise to wash this uniform before I return it."

Coach Beiste eyed me a little bit longer before she said, "Well, that's too bad, because I didn't plan on you returning the uniform."

Huh.

"I'm sorry?" was the first thing I could think of saying.

The football coach let herself display a small smile which made her seem only creepier, but less scary.

"You heard me right," she confirmed, before she smiled even bigger. "Congratulation, you're the new halfback of the Titans."

I didn't know what I wanted to do more, yell in excitement or stay frozen in shock, so I found myself asking again, "Really?"

Beiste nodded. "I'm not blind, I've seen you play before, when Puckerman and Chang stayed behind after practice to play touch football. And when I saw your little stature in our rows today, I figured you would be at your best if you thought no one was watching, so I left and watched you from afar."

I warily stared at her. That was slightly creepy.

"I almost wanted you to be the new cornerback, then I saw you playing in a running back position – impressive, little girl. I am all for some girl power in this unmotivated team."

That was unexpected. But it wasn't exactly a bad thing and when I finally realized how much of an honour that was, being asked to play in the football team in a more glamorous position, I snapped.

"Oh my freaking -" I stopped before I could finish insulting some higher power, and then let out a squeal.

"What did you expect," Beiste laughed. "A football team like McKinley's can't really afford to let talents go to waste."

Puck and Mike would freak out at this, I grinned. _And just think of Quinn, she would _-

My smile faded. She would freak out as well. But maybe not the way I'd like her to.

"I expect you to be on this field like everyone else after Spring Break. This was the last training for this week."

I half-heartedly agreed to whatever she was saying, still worriedly thinking about how Quinn would react if she found out I played in the football team now. Me, inbetween six to seven foot giants.

Maybe she could overlook that tiny fact and be happy for me instead, I mean, I found a new idea for a roleplay, didn't I?

I chuckled to myself at this thought, not noticing how Beiste was gone now and Puck and Mike were approaching me again.

"Guys," I cheerfully looked at them before I made the big announcement, "you can high-five the new halfback of the Titans now."

They needed a moment to process this information, first confused and surprised, and when they understood, they loudly cheered and laughed, and I held up both of my hands for them to high-five.

Things were going perfect again. Quinn and I had everything sorted out, I had my revenge on Finn and now I was in the football team. Finally something good for my health.

And all that was ahead of me was a clearing _talk _with Jennifer, Quinn's birthday and Spring Break with my girlfriend in New York City, the best city of all cities in the world. Yeah, maybe aside from other few European and Asian metropolis, I mean, they were quite beautiful in a different way.

But anyways – this year, and next year, they were going to be the best times of my life. Or maybe even just the beginning of a lot of wonderful times; so many that I wouldn't even be able to pick out one single moment that surpassed the others because every moment would surpass my dreams.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry for no Faberry action this chapter, but I needed Rachel to kick Finn's ass on his own territory. I wanted her to be in a sports team anyway.<strong>

**And another sorry if there are football experts out there spotting any mistakes. **

**The Links to the cut scenes: Part One:** xjstone95x(.)tumblr(.)com/post/21441345519/change-of-directions-the-cut-scenes-original-version

**Part Two: **xjstone95x(.)tumblr(.)com/post/21491013189/change-of-directions-part-two-of-the-cut-scenes


	34. Chapter 34

**After bleaching my eyes because of the last episode, I need to cure them with Faberry again.**

* * *

><p>"I'm all for accidentally pushing her off the cheerleader pyramid," Santana suggested.<p>

It was lunch break and the Gay Trinity and I were currently planning a revenge plan for Jennifer after I had told them everything I had found about her from Finn. And I had smartly left out the part _how_ I got the information. I couldn't tell Quinn about the football thing yet.

"Lock her up in the dressing rooms and let her starve?"

We weren't coming very far. Santana kept suggesting violent scenarios, Quinn preferred emotional attacks and Brittany...well, since she couldn't hurt a fly, she would insist on drowning Jennifer with gummy bears.

"Rachel, why again am I not allowed to just kick her off the Cheerios?" Quinn asked after a while when it was silent and nobody came up with a new idea that wasn't utterly ridiculous.

"And what will you answer when Sue asks you why you did that?" I replied, using my spoon to stir in the goo that was supposed to be a soup. The canteen food was an imposition.

I frowned. I just sounded strange in my head. Maybe I hadn't fully recovered from the football practice.

"I could make up something..." Quinn thought to herself and I sighed. Putting the spoon aside, I reached for Quinn's hand across the table and softly stroked the back of her hand.

"Hey," I gently smiled at her, wanting to make her forget about planning death scenarios. "I don't want you to get pulled into this mess. Don't you think that Jennifer will try to ruin you once she finds out that you are the one who kicked her off the Cheerios?"

Quinn sighed. "Alright."

"Pff," Santana grunted after having fed Brittany a spoonful of beans, which was actually a cute sight that I would never admit, "Q, don't listen to Berry. I don't know on what kind of chivalrous trip she is, but letting Monty go with all the crap she did, no way."

"Maybe Rachie is trying to drown her with love since she's filled with so much hate?" Brittany questioningly said, making Quinn snap, "Before that happens, I'll drown her with her own blood."

"Not with that attitude towards my Britt," Santana bit back Quinn.

I rolled with my eyes, pulling at Quinn's hand to get her attention again. "If there's someone who should be worried about drowning in my love, it is you, Quinn."

Her eyes softened and she gave me a beaming smile, and this moment would've been more precious if it weren't for -

"Ew, stop that."

Santana.

"Quinn, let's make a compromise. You kill Jennifer and I kill Santana," I grimly said, narrowing my eyes at a smirking Santana who looked at me like, 'Bitch, please'.

Brittany made a horrified gasp before throwing her arms around her girlfriend's neck. Santana's smirk turned into a glare at me, then she softly pried the blonde's arms off herself, gently saying, "She didn't mean that, baby."

"Okay, you're not allowed to die until there are clones of you," Brittany lightly said, and Quinn and I shared a wary look.

A world full of Santanas? As if one wasn't enough.

"Are you Rachel Berry?"

Surprised, the four of us turned to an unfamiliar guy who was holding a big bag in his hands.

"Yeah?" I slowly said, eyeing the bag a little bit closer. I could catch a glimpse of the content, it was a blur of red and white.

"Coach Bieste says that you're number 28 now, and this is your uniform," the boy held up the bag and pointed at it, and realization smacked me across my face. Terrified, I turned to look at Quinn whose expression was full of confusion. Unlike her, Santana had understood quickly, and she shot me a questioning look while Brittany had a knowing smile.

I looked back at the guy with the bag and tried to slightly shake my head, signalling him that now was a bad time. He gave me a weird look and continued talking, "The protection equipment is in your locker, so you don't need to bring it to every practice. And in this bag are four sets of jerseys, two white and two red Titans' jerseys, oh – and your letterman jacket, a special order because that's a real small size you got."

He held out the bag for me and I slowly took it, feeling the burning stare in my neck coming from a certain blonde.

"Uhm, thanks, er..."

"Eric. I'm the team mascot," he offered with a small smile, then shyly waved at Quinn, Santana and Brittany, before he hurried away.

I hugged the bag closer to my body and slowly turned around to face my girlfriend.

I sheepishly grinned at Quinn who didn't seem to find any humor in this situation.

"You tried out for the football team?" she slowly asked, raising one eyebrow.

I awkwardly laughed and shot a pleading look at Santana, searching for some help. But she just smirked and shook her head, in the manner of 'That's your shit'. Fuck her.

"I didn't really try out..." I began, risking a glance into the bag. Brand new football jerseys. And a letterman jacket.

"Aha. Care to explain?" Quinn crossed her arms, giving me an intense look. I almost started sweating.

"Quinn, it was more of an accident, I mean, I only played football to get to beat Finn -"

"You already played football!" Her voice gained a new pitch and her eyes widened in alarm.

I quickly reached out one hand to calm her down, "It's not that dangerous!"

Quinn punished me with a glowering look while Santana looked more impressed. "Okay, what position are you playing in? Since you're a 28, I'll exclude the quarterback position."

I was reluctant to answer. My running back position wasn't exactly a safe position, people would try to tackle me all the time.

"San, that's so obvious, she's the halfback," Brittany easily said, grinning. "She's just like a speedy mouse."

"Thanks, Brittany," I dryly said, watching Quinn's eyes widening in horror.

"No!" she hissed, reaching for the bag in my hands and I quickly held it out of her reach. "You're not going to be in a running back position, you will get run over like an ant!"

"Stop comparing me to ants!" I growled out, thinking of Puck's words. "I'm actually quite fast and agile, so I'll be doing fine."

"Yeah, Q, it'll be funny to watch Berry goo getting scratched off the field, so let her do it," Santana added, which wasn't very helpful.

"I can't believe you did that..." Quinn sighed, rubbing at her forehead. "How am I supposed to cheer in the games now when all I can think about is you getting trampled over by six foot stinky giants?"

"Well, you could let _me_ be on top of the pyramid," Santana threw in with a smirk. "Or stop cheerleading at all and just give me the cheer captain position, so you can focus on fighting heart attacks on the stands."

"Not helping, Santana," Quinn growled.

"You don't have to worry, Q," Brittany softly said and strangely, we all directed our full attention on her, stopping all the banter. "Rae will be fine. She's this super speedy unicorn who's gonna knock everybody over with her awesome self, so don't be afraid of her getting hurt. People will be blinded by her power that is pure awesomeness."

Though Quinn still looked doubtful, Santana shot her a look that clearly stated, 'Don't'.

"You know I'd rather touch Schuester's greasy hair than admit that, but..." she paused to sigh. "I've seen her play with the boys, after football and cheerleader practice. Quinn, she's really good, she'll do fine."

I beamed at Santana and she quickly got uncomfortable, so she added, "But don't ask for my help if Berry needs to be scraped off the field."

My bright smile unwavering, I grinned at Quinn, cheerfully saying, "See? Even Santana thinks I'm good."

"Which I already regret," Santana quietly muttered, but got shushed by Brittany who ordered her to open her mouth so she could put a piece of lettuce in it.

Quinn sighed and pushed her lunch tray away from herself. "I don't know. I don't want to seem selfish, because I'm really happy for you, I mean, you love exercising and if it's football that you want to do...but – I'm just afraid of the chances that you could get hurt."

"Come on, Quinn," I began, lightly exasperated. "The chances of dying outside the football field is way higher than _on_ the football field. I could get knocked over by a truck anytime I cross a street or drive or even just sit in Lima Bean, though that would be spectacular."

"Are you trying to make me feel better?" Quinn asked with one raised eyebrow. "I don't need any scenario of you dying, thank you."

"Yeah, maybe that wasn't very sensitive of me..." I admitted, watching Brittany wipe a sauce stain off Santana's mouth. I grimaced at their cuteness.

"Who are you kidding, Berry, you're as sensitive as me," Santana said, managing to insult me _and_ shoot loving looks at her girlfriend at the same time.

"You stay out of that," Quinn hissed at Santana, not getting much reaction as the latter one was busy whispering sweet nothings into Brittany's ear.

My girlfriend sighed, then dragged her gaze back to me. "So there's no way to talk you out of this?"

I shook my head, clutching at the bag full of new football uniforms.

"Not even a point to..._show _you a way out of this?"

Quinn's voice had dropped several tones and gained a sexy raspiness. I swallowed. Why was she looking at me like that? She was giving me this heated look and she was batting with her long eyelashes, making my heart flutter.

"No...?" I choked out, more questioningly than I liked to.

She leaned further towards me and tilted her head to the side, licking her lips so my eyes would get drawn to them.

This. Was unfair.

"And what about...letting you _see _a better option?"

She crossed her arms right under her breast, pushing them up and right into my sight, making them say hello to me. Only now did I realize how much cleavage her dress was actually showing. Which was really inappropiate, I mean, there were people around with eyes and hormones and...

A manicured finger grazed the soft skin there. "How about making you _feel..._different about your current opinion?"

My mouth went dry and my hold onto my football things loosened because of my twitching fingers.

Quinn kept on leaning forward, further towards me and the way her cleavage kept nearing me was almost _offensive_, they were begging to be looked at and maybe even touched...

"So," she drawled and I shivered, realizing that her mouth was right next to my ear now, blowing puffs of hot air against my sensitive skin. "You really don't even wanna..._touch _the other option?"

I was so glad I wasn't a boy. That would be embarrassing right now.

Heavily panting, I tried swallowing, but then gave up completely when I felt Quinn's mouth grazing the shell of my ear, hotly whispering, "Well, too bad then."

Next thing I knew, she was gone and I was -

"Wet, Berry?" Santana teasingly said, watching my flushed face with a big smirk.

I touched my burning cheeks and released a shaky breath, shaking my head at myself.

"Don't tease her, San, sexual frustration is no fun," Brittany gently scolded her girlfriend, only making her smirk wider at me.

I was still busy regaining my breath, wiping sweat off my forehead. "What the hell do you guys teach in Celibacy Club?"

* * *

><p>"Hello?"<p>

I forced out a smile and cordially nodded to the housemaid who had opened the door for me with a surprised look.

"Hi, I am a..._friend _of Jennifer's. Is she at home right now?"

The housemaid nodded and didn't say more as she stepped aside, worldlessly letting me in without even asking who I was and what I wanted. I guessed she just didn't care, her job had to be wearing her out.

"She's in her room. Up the stairs, second door on the left," she said in a bored tone before she sauntered off to the living room.

I followed her directions and when I stood in front of Jennifer's door, I wondered for a second if I should knock.

No. I had to use this moment of surprise, who knew what else she had prepared.

I opened the door and pushed it open with a rough shove, expecting to feel satisfaction at the loud bang it made as it hit the wall, but instead, I got completely blown off track with this unexpected sight in front of me.

Jennifer laid curled up in her bed, her body shaking as she sobbed into her pillows. She hadn't even looked up at the noise.

I felt torn like never before. Here she was, the manipulative bitch who almost managed to ruin my first real relationship, and I wanted do nothing but yell the crap out of her and give her hell for what she had done to me. But I just couldn't, not with her already crying and patheticly sobbing with these heart-wrenching sniffs inbetween.

"Go away, Helen."

I startled at the muffled voice and wondered for a second who the hell Helen was, but then I concluded it had to be her housemaid.

And I didn't know what to do. What if that was another evil plan of hers? What if she knew that it was me and now was trying to play the sorry victim?

I stood rooted to the ground with my mouth agape.

"I said go away, I'm fine," Jennifer said in a chopped voice, still speaking into her pillow. "It's not the first time my parents forgot my birthday."

And in this moment, my whole body froze as I got pulled back into a painful memory at these familiar words.

I had turned fourteen and it had been the second time my fathers had forgotten about my birthday. They had been on the earth globe somewhere, doing business while I had been at home, sobbing miserably over this fact. My friends had tried to soothe me, and I could remember myself saying exactly these words, _It's not the first time my parents forgot my birthday. _

The following birthdays had been miserable as well. Even though I had started receiving expensive gifts, I knew that it was all my friends' doing that my dear parents remembered that they still had a daughter in New York. Since that fourteenth birthday, my friends bombarded my fathers every year with letters, phone calls and emails one week before my birthday, just to remind them that I was still alive. And then they would send me a large chunk of money, some electronic devices like new phones and computers, and a sport car for my sixteenth.

"What are you doing here!"

The high-pitched scream freed me from my trance and my vision got clearer again as my eyes found Jennifer. She had sat up and was leaning against the headboard of her bed, and she had the bedsheet pulled up to her chin. She looked scared and shocked.

And I didn't know why, instead of ripping her head off her body, I found myself sighing with defeat. Looking around, I saw a chair next to her bed and I sat down on it, facing her like she was a patient in a hospital bed and I was her visitor.

She flinched and inched away from me. And for the first time, I started to notice her face. It was exhausted and pale, a stark contrast to her dark hair. She had bags under her dull eyes and her lips were chapped and colorless.

She didn't look like someone who would break up relationships out of fun.

"Please don't hurt me," she whispered and I shook my head. How could I hurt her when she was already hurt?

"Why," I sighed, and looked past her. "Just why. Why me and Quinn."

I heard her drawing a shaky breath.

"Why aren't you mad?" she timidly asked, not replying to my question. "Why don't you want to hurt me though I've hurt you?"

I just shook my head because I had no better answer. I was asking these questions myself.

The old, impulsive and irresponsible Rachel Berry would've smashed her windows, burned her car and broken her door at night with Puck. But the problem was, I wasn't that girl anymore. I was someone better now, someone with a clearer mind. I knew it wouldn't help me finding answers if I vandalized Jennifer's house. I'd probably feel a little bit better afterwards, but it would only last for a few minutes.

The thing was, even after all the betrayal and the manipulation, I still didn't think of Jennifer as a cold-hearted bitch. Something told me that there was more to that, more than just the intention of breaking me and Quinn up.

It was the same with Karofsky, he hadn't been bullying Kurt for the hell of it. He was gay himself and he had been afraid of admitting it, so he chose the easier way to deal with it. By directing his hate and misery at Kurt.

"Why are you so calm about it?" Jennifer whispered, her eyes wide and scared. "How can you sit here and not want to hurt me? You have every right to after everything I've done."

"I would be lying if I said I don't want to hurt you, because I do," I finally said, and she flinched at this admission. "I do want to cause you pain like you've caused me pain, and I want to make you feel everything Quinn has felt. But what is the point? You tried breaking us, but you look like the broken one."

And she held her breath.

"Yes, I have every right to be angry and mad, but I choose not to," I slowly said, looking away. "And this is why you owe me. You owe me the truth, you owe me the full story. This is how you pay me back for not killing you on the spot."

Jennifer stared at me like she had never seen me before. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to find an answer to a question I had just asked myself.

"Because for once in my life, I want to do the right thing," I found myself saying. "I – I heard what you said when I came in. And it made me realize -" I paused, hesitant to continue my sentence but the lost look in Jennifer's eyes made me finish, "- that we may have some things in common. And I know that I would've wanted a chance to explain myself if I were in your position."

She managed to crack a weak smile and she lowered the bedsheet, her shoulders relaxing. "You've always been good with your words, Rachel."

I wished I wasn't. I really wished I was still that asshole who never considered others' feeling and acted before wasting a second thought. Because I had seen the small, tiny spark in Jennifer's eyes that had shortly lit up. I didn't want her to look at me like that, I didn't want her to develop it into more.

"You've always known how to build up the Cheerios when they were down from a hard training. You've always somehow managed to convince us that we were training for more than just a competition, that we were sweating blood for more than just a trophy. It was one of the reasons why half of us hasn't quit already, the other reason being that we can't quit because of the contracts Coach Sylvester made us sign."

I turned my head away, not wanting to hear more of this because it made me look like such a hero when I had done it for my girlfriend, so she wouldn't stand there as the cheerleader captain whose team had given up before Nationals.

"You probably don't like hearing it," Jennifer shyly said and she looked down on her fidgeting hands, "but you were my only motivation to keep going to these trainings."

No, I really didn't like hearing it. Such a confession should make me feel honoured and proud, but I just couldn't find anything positive in it. It made me feel desperate on her behalf because she was digging herself a deeper hole and I was in no position to offer her my hand and pull her out of it.

"And that's why I owe you," she whispered, slowly looking up and I turned my face away, not wanting to answer her smouldering gaze. I could feel her eyes on me, burning up my skin, but it wasn't supposed to be there, she wasn't supposed to look at me like that.

"You wanted me to give you at least one good reason? I can you give you at least three."

I didn't reply to that, afraid to say anything that might make this situation more complicated.

"Fabray never told you how she and Finn got together?"

I was tempted to snarl at her and tell her not to call my girlfriend by her last name, but I let it be. I shook my head instead. I only knew that Finn had asked her out per text message.

"Well, Finn was _my_ boyfriend before she snatched him away."

And my head shot up to stare at her, my eyes wide at this information. She only gave me a bitter smile. "I was with him before he became the quarterback. Before he caught Fabray's attention. But when he got popular, I quickly got forgotten because of _Quinn Fabray, _cheerleader captain with the perfect looks and the perfect grades and perfect _everything_."

I didn't know why it became so hard to breathe and why I suddenly wanted to lunge at Jennifer and shake her, urging her to tell me more.

"After leaving me like that, he owed it to me. I knew I could rely on his help to manipulate her."

She seemed to notice my distress. Her eyes had turned a darker shade of blue, making me wonder what she was feeling and thinking right now. "She didn't tell you that, did she? She didn't mention how she pursued Finn while I was still with him?"

I refused to let her get to me like that, I refused to let her taint my image of Quinn. Though I wasn't looking at her, I curtly bit out, "It's never been of importance."

"Well, it is to me," Jennifer easily replied, though the bitterness in her voice betrayed her calm look. "And it's not about Finn. It's about always being second-best, always getting second-best. And when I found out that Fabray had once again taken what I wanted, something inside of me snapped."

She let out an empty laugh and pushed her bedsheet away, readjusting her position on the bed.

I watched her shifting and moving while my mind was currently blank.

"I guess I have to start from the beginning to make you understand," she sighed and ran a hand through her dark, wavy hair. I watched her locks fall around her shoulders because I couldn't look her in the eyes.

"I don't want to beat around the bush, so I'll make it short. My parents are business people and they're working in Atlanta, they rarely come home and if they do, all they want to hear about is if I had any achievements in school while they were gone."

Something about this had an awfully familiar taste.

Jennifer breathed out another humorless laugh, "And of course, to fulfil the cliché, I have a bigger sister who's attending Stanford and she's all my parents talk about."

I could see where this was heading. I could see now why she was so bitter about it. The perfect stereotype of a child living in the shadows of their older sibling.

"It's like I don't even exist," she suddenly muttered, and these words affected me more than they should. It wasn't fair, I was supposed to stay neutral towards her and listen to her full story, but she was gaining sympathy points because of this. Because I was in the same situation. Because I knew exactly what it felt like to be invisible to people who were supposed to love you.

"I just – I just want them to notice me so bad that I try to impress them with whatever I can," Jennifer whispered and she slowly rubbed one side of her head with her hand. "Just to make them stay a little bit longer after dinner, just to have them sitting at the dining table for another few minutes before they leave again, because they never even stay the night."

It made my throat dry. It was like hearing another person tell my personal story, saying everything that I was feeling and thinking.

"So I wanted to become a Cheerio, because the cheerleader team is nationally recognized, but I only managed to get a place beneath Lopez. And then I wanted to date the quarterback, but I only got Finn. And when he became the quarterback, Fabray took him away from me. It's like whatever I do, I only get second-best because I _am _only second-best."

I would lie if I said it wasn't painful to listen to this. I wanted to be mean and say, it was the pity that made my insides turn, but I knew better than to point this feeling wrong. The way she doubted herself to be ever good enough – I knew that all too well.

Jennifer sighed heavily. "It doesn't matter anyway, it's not like my parents had ever seen me cheering in a football game. They won't even come back for Spring Break where my birthday is."

I really wanted to hate her for making me feel sympathy for her, because I didn't want to. Fact was and remained, I had almost lost Quinn because of her and Jennifer was to blame.

"You still haven't told me why you've tried breaking us up," I tonelessly pointed out, making her give me a sad smile that tugged at my heart strings. I scowled at myself for being so weak.

"Don't you get it?" she head-shakingly said, her sad smile turning into a pained grimace. "Fabray stands for everything that I'm not, that I can't have, that I can't reach. She's the bigger sister I can never surpass or even come close to, she would be the sort of daughter my parents wished me to be. Rachel, I can't even _look at her _without getting reminded that I will _never be _like her. And I can't take it to be confronted with this on a daily basis. I do have feelings, you know. Even if they're wrecked and twisted."

This was reaching a new level of dramatic. I didn't know what to think of this.

"Quinn Fabray was the perfect target, it only made sense to lash out at her...I was _sick_ of taking orders from her in cheerleader practices, so _sick_ of being placed beneath Lopez in the pyramid just because she was Fabray's friend, and I just couldn't stand the sight of her flaunting off everything I wanted. First the head cheerleader position, then the quarterback, then you – " Jennifer's voice broke and she let out a strangled breath.

Her eyes widened like she had just realized what she had done. She suddenly buried her face into her hands and started sobbing, and every sob shook her whole body, making my heart drop to the ground.

I couldn't handle girls crying. Especially not in situations like this, where I wanted to do nothing but hate the girl, but then find myself developing sympathy for her. Because I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to hug her and soothe her with soft words, that would only give her false hope and trigger all kinds of unwanted feelings towards me.

But then again, I would feel like a jerk for not at least attempting to make her stop crying.

So I simply sat there, torn between doing what was right and what was easy.

"If you stop crying, I'll forgive you," I said out of pure desperation, and it worked, she forgot to sob for a moment as she looked up in shock with her tear-streaked face.

"You can't forgive me that easily!" she sniffed, furiously wiping at her eyes. "You're not supposed to! You're supposed to hate me, to be mad at me for trying to do this to you – why would you forgive me?"

And I felt myself getting frustrated. Yes, I respected the fact that even when I had shown signs of forgiveness, that Jennifer didn't want me to forgive her that easily because she thought herself she didn't deserve it. But there was no need for a show of remorse and regret, I just wanted to end this terrible little chapter of my life.

"I understand you more than you think I do," I calmly said and slowly stood up. "And I don't want to waste any more time not being with Quinn. I've heard your story, now I want to continue mine."

Jennifer sniffed again and wiped the tears off her cheek with the back of her hand, looking at me with so many mixed emotions. "You really love her, don't you?"

My expression softening, I found myself slowly nodding.

"She's really lucky to be loved by you," Jennifer lowly said in a rough voice with occasional sobs forcing her to pause. "You are a remarkable person, Rachel. I don't deserve your forgiveness, not now. I promise I will be working hard for it until I've earned it."

So many words on the tip of my tongue, wanting to tell her to let it be, but I knew better than to object. She was giving herself a harder time than I had given her, and there was nothing that I could do to make her feel any less guilty. Because even if I had forgiven her and made the first step to sweep away the pieces of broken glass, we both couldn't overlook the fact that she was the one to break it in the first place.

So I simply turned around and left her room, and once I stepped outside her house, I was confronted with mixed feelings. I felt proud of myself because I had been, for once, the bigger person and stood above using violence and verbal abuse. And I felt sad for Jennifer, because we both knew that I was never going to look back at her with the same smouldering look in my eyes.

* * *

><p><strong>Mindlessly punishing Jennifer seemed to be a too superficial way to treat her storyline after she had tried breaking Faberry up, so I decided to give her more credibility for her actions. Don't worry, she won't bother Faberry ever again.<strong>

**And the update wave is over, exams are beginning to make my life miserable again, so please understand that I can only update weekly. See you then :D**


	35. Chapter 35

**I just realized I don't have any chapters finished in advance anymore. It'll possibly take longer to update than I thought.**

* * *

><p>Okay, so what if we were high school juniors and supposed to graduate in one year, we were still allowed to be a little bit nostalgic and do childish things.<p>

"My paper plane's gonna fly further than yours!" Puck announced, raising his self-made paper plane.

"You kidding? Mine's like, the Super Plane of all planes!" Mike retorted, showing a different kind of paper plane.

I rolled my eyes at them.

"Please, don't be so childish," I scolded them, before I smirked and held up mine. "Mine is the ultimate paper plane that is gonna whoop your asses."

"Uhm, I'm just going to ignore what I just witnessed and say hello."

Quickly hiding my paper plane behind my back, I whipped around and innocently beamed at Quinn.

She laughed and held out her arms, "C'mere, let me give you a hug, you big baby."

I happily complied, distantly hearing Puck snicker to Mike and they both left to let their paper planes fly somewhere else than the auditorium.

"So this is how you spend your lunch break when I'm not here? Making paper planes with Puck and Mike?" Quinn playfully asked, looking at mine. Proudly, I showed her the artwork I made.

"Look," I enthusiastically said, pointing to the wings of my paper plane, "I painted our initials on it. R&Q, see?"

The blonde chuckled before she turned to me, "Though I enjoy this side of yours, can we get serious for a moment?"

Instantly, I let my hand with the paper plane drop and my face turned dead serious.

"What happened?"

Quinn laughed, "No, not that serious. I was just wondering if you happen to know why Jennifer Mont voluntarily quit the Cheerios, along with the few who belonged to the group that harrassed me?"

"Why would I have anything to do with it?" I innocently said, and I meant it.

About Jennifer and the other Cheerios I had no idea, but I could guess. Probably Santana's doing.

"Rachel!" Quinn huffed. "You tell me not to use threats, but then you chase them off the cheerleader team yourself."

I defensively held up my hands, bringing my paper plane into sight again and that made her crack a small smile.

"I really don't know," I admitted. "I never told Jennifer to quit the Cheerios, and I'm not the one who threatened the others."

Though that made me wonder. Why didn't Santana tell me that she had taken over the job of making the backstabbing cheerleaders quit?

"Why don't you ask Santana if she's on this?" I suggested.

Quinn frowned. "Well, that's strange, because she was the first one to know about Mont and the others quitting, and she asked me if that was your doing."

Now we stood there, as clueless as before. If Santana hadn't done it, then who? Puck was out of the question because he had nothing to bribe the Cheerios with, and to think of Brittany was even more unreal.

"You know what," I began, "it doesn't matter. They're off the team and they can't bother you anymore. What's important is here and now."

I took her hand and put my paper plan into her grasp. Then I raised her arm and beckoned her to throw it.

She questioningly looked at me and I softly smiled at her.

"Metaphors are important," I gently said, positioning her hand with the paper plane at her eye level. "Let it fly, the way we are going to fly into the bright lights of our future. And when it lands, it just means that we've found the place we belong to."

And Quinn threw the paper plane and we watched it doing a looping in mid-air, but I didn't see where it landed because next thing I knew, my eyes fluttered close at the feeling of Quinn's lips on mine.

* * *

><p>It was Friday. And not just any Friday.<p>

The last day of school before Spring Break. And more importantly, Quinn's birthday. After having it planned one month ahead, I was more than nervous about the outcome.

Fidgeting with the hem of my new, surprisingly very fitting letterman jacket, I waited outside Quinn's house, trying to seem like casually leaning against my car while I was a nervous mess inside.

I scolded myself for being nervous. I mean, Quinn wasn't even going to get the gift until after school. No reason to feel so uneasy about her rejecting the present.

The housedoor opened and I pushed myself off the car, just to be slightly disappointed to see it was Judy.

"Don't you want to come in and surprise her? She's taking a little bit longer today, something about wanting to look extra good for a certain someone," Judy said with a small smile and beckoned me with her hands to come in.

I almost tripped over the threshold.

I was sending silent prayers to – I didn't know who, just someone. Because Quinn was already as gorgeous as she was and I wouldn't be able to take it if she turned it up a notch. She was sometimes too much to handle, and I didn't need my brain short-circuiting in the morning.

"Nice jacket," Judy raised one eyebrow at my outfit and I mumbled, "Thanks."

"So I guess Quinn's fulfilling one of my wishes after all, dating a football player."

I coughed and pounded myself on my chest, heavily blushing. Judy pinched my cheeks and I grimaced at that. "Oh, don't be embarrassed. I don't mind emancipation in a sport that is dominated by men."

"Mom, are you talking with yourself again?"

I instantly stood straighter as soon as I heard the angelic voice coming from upstairs.

"What are you waiting for?" Judy whispered, pushing me towards the stairs. "Go, surprise her!"

I stumbled my way up the stairs, less elegant than I would've liked to. Standing in front of her slightly opened door, I took a deep breath and pushed it open, about to yell 'Surprise!' when the word died on my lips.

I stared at Quinn like I had never seen her before.

_Hello, brain to Rachel, hello?_

"Hi," was all I managed to breathe out, my eyes almost getting sore because of gazing at so many places at the same time.

Quinn hadn't finished dressing herself yet. That would explain why she was in a matching set of underwear. That would explain why I had trouble breathing.

_Huh._

"Guess you do rock Victoria's Secret after all," I throatily whispered, quickly looking away after realizing that I had probably stared too much. All my fantasies, they were nothing compared to that.

A dark blue lacy bra pushing up her breasts, tauntingly teasing my eyes to linger on them, and don't get me started on her toned stomach, or her legs, or any part of her body for that matter...

And to think that I had always been kidding about the Victoria's Secret stuff. I really should stop asking for more than I could handle.

Quinn managed a quiet laugh and she softly said, "It's okay, let's just pretend we're going swimming. Isn't that the same? Everybody's half-naked there."

_Don't dream up dirty pictures, don't...damnit..._

"Not helping," I muttered, still looking to the ground.

"Now who's in the Celibacy Club," she chuckled and finally searched for some clothes to wear.

I gulped. Maybe I should join the damn Club and swear purity until marriage.

I mean, it was seven thirty in the morning! Clearly not a good time to have a minor heart attack or breain death or whatever.

"By the way, that jacket suits you."

How Quinn managed to stay so casual about that was a mystery to me. Maybe the Celibacy Club was just a joke; it was actually a Club where they taught you naughty things along the lines of 'How to kill your girlfriend with your sexiness'.

"You can look now."

"Really?" I cautiously asked, not daring to lift my eyes. I heard a soft laugh.

A long, slender finger under my chin pushed my face up, making me stare directly into Quinn's sparkling eyes. "Really."

It was magical. I'd probably cringe later at the use of this word, but it truly was.

When our lips connected, it was like kissing her for the first time; a new, unexpected experience, so mind-numbing and gut-warming that it threatened to overwhelm me because I was so unprepared to the amazing feeling that was Quinn's mouth on mine.

Slowly parting, I brushed my lips against hers before I softly whispered, "Happy Birthday, Quinn. I'm so glad that you were born on this date seventeen years earlier."

Quinn chuckled and gently said, "I guess you have to thank my mother."

I smiled. "I guess I will have to thank her for creating such a gorgeous girl, huh?"

She blushed and ducked her head, making a strand of hair fall into her face.

And she made me melt. She made everything inside of me go weak.

I guess Santana would have to help Quinn scraping me off the ground sooner than she would've liked to.

* * *

><p>Today, Quinn was radiating with happiness and it was infectious, nobody could suppress a smile whereever she appeared. Tons of congratulations, hugs and hand shakes, whereever she went; and I just proudly stood by her side and beamed as she got showered with love and adoration.<p>

Now that she wasn't known as the Ice Queen anymore, people dared to speak to her and they immediately fell in love with the charm of my girlfriend.

I dreamily looked at her, watching her accepting Kurt's hug with a smile, when Puck appeared behind me.

"Hey Rach, we're in a partner look," he said with a smirk, pulling at the collar of his own letterman jacket. Then he surprised Quinn by hugging her from behind, squeezing her with his strong arms, playfully saying, "Happy Birthday, girl. Looks like you've got a thing for football players – when's my turn?"

I knew better than to take him seriously, and I laughed with him instead, while Kurt warily looked at us and then left.

"I'm sorry," Quinn smiled, "but it's more like I've got a thing for Rachel Berrys."

And my eyes went heart-shaped.

"It's getting mushy, so I'm gone," Puck said and patted me on my shoulder before he walked off.

"So," I drawled, stepping closer to her. "I heard you've got a thing for Rachel Berrys."

"Uh huh," Quinn grinned, her hands taking mine.

"I happen to be a Rachel Berry," I whispered with a smirk. "And I've got a thing for Quinn Fabrays."

"That's convenient," she hummed with a smile. "We'd look good together, hm?"

"Very," I huskily replied. "Maybe we should go out on a date some time."

"Really?" Quinn chuckled and she slowly stroked my cheek, tracing my jaw line with her finger, until it touched my lips. I shivered under her sensual touch, leaning in to her, wanting more -

"Well, that's too bad, I've already got a girlfriend, and she's the only one I'll ever go out on dates with."

Dumbfounded, I watched with wide eyes and open mouth how Quinn strutted away with a confident sway in her hips.

The only thing that would make this situation worse was -

"Seems like you don't need me to cock-block you anymore, Q's doing that job very fine on her own."

"I hate you, Santana."

The frustration, that was more or less sexual, was making my every movement stiff and unelegant, so I mechanicly turned to the Latina and growled at her, "What?"

She snickered at me before her expression changed, mimicking Quinn's seductive one.

"I'm Quinn Fabray, captain of the Celibacy Club," she lowered her raspy voice, stepping closer to me and I had to admit, she was making a good impression of my girlfriend. I gulped. "And I'm here to make you drown in your own sexual frustration."

Her face was one inch away from mine when she started laughing, pushing me away. "Berry, your face is priceless. You need to get laid."

With that being said, she walked away, still laughing to herself and I innerly cursed at her with every expletive I could come up with.

Completely mad at the stunt that Santana had pulled, I more or less stomped to my class, thinking of ways to kill her. How dare she make fun of my sexual frustration, she was so going to pay for it.

Grumbling and muttering to myself, I didn't really watch where I was going, until I knocked into someone, sending books and papers flying everywhere.

"Fuck, I'm sorry," I mumbled and immediately kneed down to help picking up the loose sheets, sorting them into a stack before returning them to -

"Jennifer?"

I almost let the sheets drop again.

She shyly reached for the sheets and I gave them to her, waiting for her to say something.

"Thanks," she breathed and avoided my gaze. "I'll get going, then."

"No, wait," I quickly said before asking, "Who made you quit the Cheerios?"

She blinked a few times, staring at me with confusion until realization dawned on her. She weakly smiled. "I quit by myself. You didn't expect me to stay on the team after everything I've done, did you?"

Wow. "And what about the others?"

"I bribed them so they would quit as well," she said after hesitating and it took me off guard. She was the one who made the group of back-stabbing Cheerios quit?

"Why?" was all I managed to ask.

Jennifer pulled her binder closer to herself, only halfway meeting my gaze.

"It's the least I can do," she quietly said. "I need to earn your forgiveness, remember? You may have forgiven me already, but I haven't."

I opened and closed my mouth, not knowing what to say. _Thanks? It's okay? No hard feelings?_

"Goodbye," she whispered, and she didn't wait for a response, quickly walking away.

And I had the feeling that this goodbye was final, that it would be the last time I heard of her. And in this moment, I couldn't help wishing her the best for her future. That maybe she'd find peace somehow, that maybe she could get over her parents' absence the way I had gotten over mine.

And I caught myself lying.

I had never gotten over them nor would I ever, but I've gotten better at it. Quinn was helping me through and I could live with that. I was a fighter, I hadn't become a running back for no reason. I knew how to stand up with dignity after being knocked down. I knew how to shrug away the pain and keep going, because I only live once and I intended to get as many touchdowns as possible. And that wasn't doable if I stayed lying in the dirt.

So I was going to enjoy my life while at it. And I had a feeling it was going to be epic.

* * *

><p>I had thought of many different scenarios of handing Quinn the plane tickets. They were all kinds of epic in my head. We would be in a hot-air balloon, a mile above Lima, but Lima didn't offer this kind of service. Then I thought of throwing a big, fat surprise party for her when I remembered that our flight to New York would be tomorrow, and I couldn't have us hungover. Simply not drinking was not an option, because it was no fun to be sober around drunk people. Especially not at your own birthday.<p>

And Quinn didn't really like alcohol that much either. She seemed to have feared that I would consider a surprise party that she had made me swear to her not to throw one. She wanted to spend her seventeenth quietly.

_Only with the ones I love,_ she had said.

So we spent it in a small circle with Brittany and Santana, and her mother had baked her a very pretty birthday cake that rivalled those in the confectionery. It was so beautiful that no one wanted to do the first cut. Judy rolled her eyes and took the knife out of Quinn's hand, but she flatteredly smiled nonetheless.

After having our stomach stuffed to the verge of exploding, we just lazily sat at the table, joking with each other and even Santana was too full to come up with proper insults towards me.

When we felt able to move again, we dragged ourselves to the living room and finally let an excited Brittany give her present to Quinn.

I had expected something funny and sweet when Brittany enthusiastically pushed her present into Quinn's arms, but as soon as I saw my girlfriend blushing once she opened the box lid, I dismissed all expectations.

"Exactly what Rachel would like!" Brittany cheerfully said, and I caught a glimpse of the content in the box. My face flushed as well, memories of this morning flooding my mind again.

Santana snickered. "I'm sorry, Britt, I can't hear you over the sound of Berry's blood rushing south."

Screw her. She hadn't seen what I had seen this morning, and the lacy set of lingerie in the box was bringing all the memories back.

"Uh, thanks, Brittany," Quinn tried to lightly say, but her blush said otherwise.

The taller blonde beamed and went in for a hug, chipping, "No problem. Santana loves these kinds of stuff, I figured Rachel would, too."

I smirked at Santana who rolled her eyes at me. "Not gonna lie."

When it was her turn to hand out the presents, she simply gave Quinn a piece of paper. Furrowing her eyebrows, my girlfriend slowly read out, "One free show of me and Brittany doing it. You're welcome."

Laughing at our blank expressions, Santana reached behind her and took out a box, widely smirking. "Don't tell me you wouldn't redeem this coupon. Here's the real present anyway."

The real present turned out to be better than I had thought, it was an award that looked like a small Oscar, only that the figure was a cheerleader judging from the pom-poms and the standing pose. Engraved in the little platform were the words, "_Quinn Fabray – Award for Embracing Her Gay"_

"That it rhymes is totally random, I only noticed it after having it engraved," Santana added. When Quinn looked at me, unsure of what to think of this, I cracked a grin. I thought it was cute.

The Latina sighed and reluctantly said, "I first wanted to write _'Award for being my best friend besides Britt and to some extent, Berry, who I only tolerate because of you'_, but it was too long to fit in. So I decided to cut to the chase."

"Thank you?" Quinn said, more questioningly, but Santana was the first one to hug her anyway, tightly squeezing her. "We bitches stick together, right? You know you can count on me. Unless you want me to help you removing corpses, because I'm not that fucked up."

I warily watched them pat on each other backs. What a weird friendship. But mine with Santana wasn't any better.

All in all, it was touching nonetheless, and they started reminiscing the old days where the Unholy Trinity used to be a trio of distant Ice Queens.

"We used to command the jocks around," Santana grinned to herself, only to have Quinn deadpan, "We still command the jocks around."

"And we used to throw slushies -"

"You mean, _you_ used to throw slushies."

"And it feels like yesterday when I once cut off a big chunk of Jewfro's hair."

"That's because it _was _yesterday."

And somehow, over the time, they started talking about me like I wasn't there.

"Q, I'm so glad you're with Rachie now," Brittany had started, causing Santana to pretend gagging.

"Yeah, me, too," she had said, "Now when you're angry, you have somewhere else to sink your claws in."

"Santana, rude. Brittany, thanks. I'm glad, too."

"Admit it, Fabray. I bet under all that holy demeanor, you'd love to sink your claws into Berry's skin."

"I'm still here, Santana." _Hello?_

"San! Just because you like me going rough on you, it doesn't mean that Quinn likes it, too."

"God no, I really didn't need to know that."

"Shut it, Q. You secretly wish that coupon was real, cause seems like you're not getting any action from Berry."

"Still in the room."

They went like this for a long time, back and forth, with Santana being her incredibly crude self and Quinn being her incredibly awesome self. Yeah, I was lightly biased.

It was only when Judy walked in, accidentally overhearing Santana saying that Quinn would love to christen the kitchen counter first chance she got, that was when they stopped bickering in favor of watching the older Fabray going through all shades of red.

We couldn't decide who was blushing more. Quinn or her mom. Or me.

But Brittany managed to break the tension by asking why Quinn would want to make the kitchen counter turn into a Christian. Kitchen counters were entitled to practice their own religion.

So Judy managed to talk again, and asked if Brittany and Santana liked to stay for dinner, but they politely declined. They said they wouldn't be able to comfortably eat with the amount of eye-sex Quinn and I would be sharing over the table.

Judy lost the ability to speak for another few minutes, along with Quinn and me.

But turned out that it wasn't that untrue; Quinn and I would shyly look up from our plates and share this knowing smile, and we would stare at each other until Judy would catch us staring.

It was only after the third time my fork missed my mouth because of my unwavering eyes on my girlfriend, that Quinn's mother resolutely stood up, put some food on her plate, and left the table.

We were too much in love to be embarrassed. We giggled instead and enjoyed the rest of the dinner, completely in a world of our own, where eye-sex was very much allowed.

Even when we finished eating, we didn't want to leave the room because it was so cozy and warm, probably heated up by our hot stares of desire, but Judy came back again and asked (forced) us to move to Quinn's room.

So here I was, in her room, on her bed, and, no, not making out with her. She had to receive her present yet.

"Any reason why you're nervous about giving me a present?" Quinn asked with a smile, her eyes landing on the wrapped present in my hands. It was rectangular and one inch thick.

"It's because _you _make me nervous," I admitted and cheesily grinned at her. She laughed and shook her head. "Still?"

I smiled. "Always. It's a good kind of nervous. Makes me feel alive."

She beamed at me and quickly leaned in for a short kiss on my lips, but seemed like I had other thoughts because when she pulled back, I followed her and caught her bottom lip between my teeth.

"Mhm," she softly moaned against my mouth and I took this chance to slip a tongue inside of her open mouth.

I'd never get tired of kissing her. I used to get bored when kissing the same girl for a longer time, because she would use the same technique and it would quickly become predictable and, well, boring.

But everytime I kissed Quinn, it was always a new experience because I still couldn't control these feelings in my stomach and yes I had heard of 'butterflies' and other strange descriptions, but one thing I knew, kissing Quinn Fabray was something I'd never tire of. It was like food, I mean, just because I ate everyday didn't mean that I would get tired of eating.

Warm hands placed themselves on my shoulders and slowly started pushing, so I instantly pulled back and stopped kissing her.

Her flushed face was one of my favorite sights.

"Rachel...your present is poking my stomach."

For one moment, I blankly stared at her with my mind completely in the gutter. When I looked down between us, I finally understood what she meant.

"Oh, sorry!" I hissed, quickly grabbing my present that got squeezed between us during our short make out session.

"Maybe it's best if you give it to me now -"

"Someone likes talking dirty," I playfully said and watched her usually pale face turn redder.

"The present!" she quickly corrected. "Before we get too distracted...with other things."

My heart was already wildly pounding from our short, but hot make out session, and now it picked up even more speed. I was nervous that Quinn wouldn't like the present as much as I thought she would.

"Here," I breathed, handing her the present.

She carefully tore the wrapping off, revealing a small photo album. She turned her head to me, like she was seeking for approval of me to open it. I nodded.

She flipped open the first page, and a picture of us gazing at the starred night sky with our hands intertwined caught her eyes.

"Is that...was that taken on New Year's Eve?" she lowly asked. I smiled at her. "Yeah. Brittany wanted to take us to the rest of the group, so we could celebrate the countdown together. But then she saw us standing there and she didn't want to bother. So she snapped a picture instead because she thought we looked cute."

Quinn slowly nodded. Her fingers rested on the page and I softly took them into my hand, flipping over to the next page with my other hand.

"And that's the whole Glee Club, see?" I pointed out, "We look so happy in there. Look at Santana's derp smile."

Quinn laughed and added, "You look quite charming as well."

In that picture, I was laughing so hard that my mouth was wide open with my teeth showing and my eyes narrowed to slits. Very charming indeed.

Page over page, there was not one picture without at least one person smiling or laughing or goofily grinning. All photos were snapshots of our lives, not one was posed for, and that made it a lot more special.

"You're ridiculously photogenic," I sighed, dreamily looking at another image of Quinn just looking to the side, not expecting to be photographed. She looked like a goddess.

"Shush, you're much cuter, I like your goofy laugh," Quinn replied with a grin and she finally flipped over to the last site when two stripes of paper falled out.

"Oh, what is that?" she questioningly said, picking up the pieces of paper and taking a closer look at them.

I nervously swallowed.

"Hm..." Quinn hummed, furrowing her eyebrows. "Plane tickets to New York." Her eyebrows shot up. And I slowly ducked away. "Oh no, I think someone forgot them in there, we have to bring back the album!"

I almost fell off the bed.

"But why is there my name on the ticket...and yours on the other...and...the departure date is tomorrow..." she said to herself and with every mumbled word, her voice got lower and lower until she...

"RACHEL!"

This time, I really fell off the bed. But only because Quinn had pounced on me and overestimated the size of her bed, effectively bringing us both tumbling to the ground.

"Uff," I breathed out, once again lying on the floor of Quinn's room with her on top of me. This had to stop happening. I mean, falling on the ground with my back, not having Quinn on top of me. That could always happen.

"I don't know whether to be mad at you," she grumbled into my neck and I squeaked because for whatever reason, she just bit me there, "or to fall in love with you again and again, each time deeper than before -"

"Well, I do hope for the latter one," I made the stupid mistake of replying to a rethorical question. I hissed again when I felt teeth biting at my sensitive skin, accompanied by a soothing tongue that quickly licked the small flesh wound. This time, I hissed in arousal.

The things she was doing to me, I could die of that. Just one dose too much and I'd be a puddle of goo. More than I already was.

"I can't believe it," she muttered against my throat, kissing a way down to my collar bone before she lightly nipped on it. I only replied with an incoherent mumble. Brain on overload.

"You really want me to come with you to New York?"

It amazed me how she could talk _and _suck at my neck at the same time.

I let out a strangled noise that should've sounded more like 'Yes, I do' but ended up coming off as a moan. I tried at least.

"And I guess there's no way talking you out of this? Like this football business?"

No. Even if I was currently re-thinking everything because of her sneaky hand that had slipped under my shirt and now was feeling its way up to my breasts. No. A determined no.

"Uhhh." Not quite.

All ministrations on my body suddenly stopped and I felt oddly dazed. I felt her lying her head on top of my chest and her hands were playing with my hair now.

"Do you really love me that much?"

Taken aback, the only answer I knew was, "How can I not love you that much?"

Quinn curled a strand of my hair around her fingers. Though I couldn't see her face, I felt the muscles of her face twitching and I guessed she was smiling contently.

"You know, I gave up fighting your incredible presents," she sighed and pulled teasingly at my hair, making me chuckle. "'Cause I know you're so stubborn that I can't make you think otherwise, not even when I pull out my best weapons."

"You mean your sneaky hands and restless mouth?" I jokingly added before I gasped, feeling said sneaky hand pinching me in the side.

"It means a lot to me," she whispered, continuing like I never interrupted. "It really does. It's not a small gift and it's not something to be taken for granted. And the fact that you want me to see such an important part of your life makes me feel...more special than usual, because you always make me feel special."

I started giving her back a massage with one hand, rubbing it in soothing circles.

"I really spoil you, don't I?" I playfully remarked.

She lightly laughed. "Yes, you do. I don't think I can ever live up to that."

"Quinn," I sighed with a frown. "I don't want you to ever worry about that. It's my job to blow all my money on my girlfriend, isn't it?"

She laughed again and playfully slapped me on my shoulder. "No, Rachel, seriously."

"Okay, maybe I was kidding," I easily replied. "But I just want my girlfriend to be with me in New York City. I want us to see the animals in Central Park Zoo, and maybe have an embarrassing café date with my friends. This is my wish. And one way to get closer to my wish is to fly to New York City. Actually, this is almost a present to myself, I mean, how much better can it get?"

She looked at me expectantly.

"Everyone I love will be there!" I exclaimed with excitement. "You, my best friends, the Italian ice-cream seller down the street, and you, and the big bodyguard who always lets me enter the club without checking my fake ID, and did I already mention you?"

Quinn let out a light laugh and I swooned over the beautiful sound. "Only twice."

"Not enough, then," I grinned and happily ruffled her hair against her half-hearted protest. "So will you come with me? Please? Not like I'm accepting a no, but let's pretend you have a choice."

She huffed. "How did you manage to convince my mother to let you do this?"

I cheekily grinned at her and she rolled her eyes with a smile. "You're dodging my question."

"And you're dodging mine."

"You dodged mine first!"

"Fine," she sighed, then a bright smile broke out on her face. "Like I can say no to you...yes baby, I can't wait to be in New York with you."

"Yes!" I shouted in triumph and I threw both of my arms around her, tightly hugging her to my body.

"Best Spring Break ever!"

* * *

><p><strong>Mine too, Rachel. Mine too. Until Glee hit me in the face with a sarcastic 'Welcome Back'.<strong>

**Yay, finally heading to New York and this will be probably the last big part of the story :D Don't underestimate the word 'big'. **


	36. Chapter 36

The trip to New York caused more stress than I had originally thought.

Quinn spent two hours on deciding what to pack and she would've taken much longer if it weren't for me forcefully closing her trunk and telling her that whatever she needed, we could buy in New York. And then she argued that she couldn't just buy all the missing clothes there and I retorted that I preferred her wearing nothing at all anyway, and then she playfully hit me and said she might consider wearing that option. Just to tease me to death.

So when she went to find her passport, I quickly texted Santana and asked her what the hell they were teaching in the Celibacy Club and minutes later, I got a very helpful text of _'It's all about the teasing, not the pleasing_', followed by a _'Why? You having blue balls again?'_.

I grumpily typed back a _'Just wondering_'.

_'I'll take that as a yes' _was the instant answer.

The next big obstacle was the flight itself because Quinn had never flown with planes before, and the crushed bones in my right hand could attest to that. But after half an hour into the flight, she slowly relaxed and even managed to put her head on my shoulder, lowly humming to herself whenever a turbulence made the plane shake.

But still, it was a relief when the tires of the plane touched the landing strip of the JFK airport. Releasing a sigh I didn't know I had been holding, I took Quinn's hand and guided her out of the plane, marching with all the other flight attendents toward the next passport control station. I sent a quick message to Jake on the way, notifying him that we had arrived. He had happily offered to fetch us from the airport, impatient to see me and Quinn again.

Kate and Nikki tried coming, too, but they were forced to stay the weekend at their grandparents in another state before their real vacation started.

To be honest, I was kind of glad they couldn't come. Kate would immediately try to use this opportunity to make things awkward between Quinn and me, and Nikki would bombard my girlfriend with thousands of question, just to see if she was right for me.

Though Jake wasn't any better than the other two, he at least had the decency to interrogate the shit out of me when Quinn wasn't around. I bet he was almost crapping his pants in curiosity.

After we had claimed our luggage, we neared the exit and I was kind of nervous of what to expect.

Lots of people were already standing there, waiting for their friends, lovers or relatives and others stood there with signs of unfamiliar names. I couldn't spot Jake in this mass of people.

But apparently, he could spot us.

"Hey! Rae! Quinn! Hey, here, I'm here!" a loud, excited voice drowned out the others, and I frantically turned my head to find the source of the voice.

Quinn tapped my shoulder and pointed to somewhere behind me, making me whip around, and before I could see Jake, my face was pressed flat against his hard chest and I was trapped in his strong arms.

"Damn does it feel good to smother you like this!" I heard him chuckle and my growl went unheard since my face was still pretty much attached to his chest.

"M, l'me go!"

"And good to see you, Quinn, you're even prettier than I remembered you!"

Finally, air filled my lungs again as I dazedly stumbled back a few steps, watching through a blurry vision how Quinn had to go through the same welcome reception. Clumsily, she patted him on his back as he embraced her tightly.

Rubbing my nose, I still managed to smile and softly said, "I missed you, too."

Jake laughed and let go of Quinn, giving her a friendly pat on the shoulder. "You know, Rae, when you first left us, we all thought you wouldn't last a month before you come back flying to us. But seems like you found someone worth staying a year."

I didn't know why we both blushed. It shouldn't be news anymore. And if Jake only knew that I had planned to stay for another year in Lima.

"Let's get going, then. We still got a long ride before us."

On the whole ride to my apartment in Manhatten, Jake kept ecitedly filling us in with all the stories that I missed, mainly about Kate and Nikki and embarrassing stuff.

While I laughed and gasped at his stories, Quinn was busy staring out of the window and I watched the skycrapers of New York reflecting in her wide and curious eyes. She seemed to not get enough, she had her neck craned in all various directions, staring up at tall buildings and flashing billboards. Her mouth was half open, from time to time tracing words she read on signs.

Jake's voice slowly faded and all I could take in was Quinn's face.

The excitement. The curiosity. The amazement. Just everything on her face made me want to grab it and leave kisses all over her.

"Rae? Rae!"

Reluctantly, I pulled my gaze away from Quinn's face and I turned to Jake who had stopped driving and turned around in his seat to face me. I didn't comment on his knowing smile and he didn't comment on it either, just shortly saying, "Welcome back home."

I quickly looked out of the window, staring at the entrance of my apartment's building.

I was home.

Warmth settled in my heart when I saw a familiar doorman approaching us, opening the door for me. When he recognized whom he was opening the door for, a friendly grin appeared on his round face and he quietly said, "Welcome back, Rachel. I missed your face going in and out of this building."

I smiled at him and replied, "And here I thought you were tired of opening police car doors to find me sitting in them."

He laughed and wordlessly went to open the trunk of Jake's car, pulling out our luggage.

"It's definitely a nice change," he muttered and walked off with each of his hand holding a bag.

Jake stepped out of his car as well and threw his keys to another approaching doorman who was responsible for parking the cars. "Park my baby somewhere safe."

The doorman blankly looked at him and stretched out his hand with the keys, wanting to give it back to Jake. "It's a private parking lot. Guests are not allowed to use it."

"It's okay," I interjected while helping Quinn out of the car. "He can use my parking place."

"You live here?" he said in a bored tone, unimpressed. I narrowed my eyes at him. He seemed to be new here, didn't have this job for very long. And probably won't be having this job for long, I was going to make sure of that.

"Yes," I sharply retorted, stretching the 's'. I ignored Quinn tugging at my shirt to let it be, and I fully faced the snobbish doorman. "It's the parking space with a golden sign above it, with the name Berry. Actually, there are five parking spaces with my name on it, you choose wich one."

He scowled, but didn't reply, entering Jake's car with a huff and driving away.

"Thanks, Rae," Jake smirked and entered the building, but Quinn held me back.

"What was that for?" she asked with a frown.

I growled under my breath. "His attitude annoyed me."

My girlfriend sighed and took my hand, pulling me along with her to finally enter the building.

She stood still, her face struck with amazement once again.

I could understand her expression, I had looked exactly the same when I had first seen the entrance hall of this luxury building.

I had been eleven, two months after my fathers had made it big with their company, they had decided to move to a more noble surrounding in Manhatten. It wouldn't have been appropiate for two CEOs to live in a shabby two-rooms apartment somewhere in the outer lines of New York, that would've been a huge image loss.

So they had taken the risk of moving into a place way beyond their league, because their business had just started to bloom and no one had been able to tell if it was going to stay this way in the near future, but this time, luck had been on their side.

After another six months, they had been able to fully pay back the apartment just as their company had climbed into the world wide's top ten list of most valuable companies.

It had been just another six months when I had lost my fathers to the world of money and power.

"You don't look too thrilled to be back home."

Quinn's soft voice guided my brain back to reality.

I shook my head and managed a weak smile. "No, I'm actually beyond happy to finally be in New York again. But this place holds some bittersweet memories for me."

She didn't ask further, she seemed to understand. Giving me a soft smile, she tugged at my hand and motioned me to move with her, because Jake was waiting at the elevator and waving at us to hurry.

The elevator music was strangely comforting, playing me a familiar tune of home. The tense muscles in my face relaxed again and I watched with a small smile how Quinn eyed the numbers of buttons with awe.

"32 levels!" she whispered to herself. Jake and I shared an amused look. Oh how much I loved that girl.

The elevator came to a stop at the 27th floor, smoothly opening the door for us and I nodded to Quinn for her to go first. She almost tripped when she went out.

The door to my apartment wasn't hard to find with our bags already waiting in front of it.

Reaching into the depths of my wallet which was unnecessarily large, I fumbled for my keys. I couldn't wait to enter my beloved home, couldn't wait to see the busy streets of New York from above.

After dropping my keys for the third time, Jake took them out of my hands and opened the door himself, unlocking it in one swift motion. He pushed the door open and motioned us to go first.

Everything was just as I could remember it. A modern interior design, a mix of clean white and wine red. This place seemed to glow because one wall was all glass, allowing a beautiful look over the city and at the same time letting in the sunbeams, and all the white furniture helped reflecting the light.

My eyes swept over the living room, taking in the small things.

The remote still lied on the couch the way I had left it, a flipped open magazine was still left on the same page last time I had read it, and I could spot an old t-shirt of mine hanging over a stool.

My smile almost splitted my face. Little things which seemed insignificant to anyone else but meant a lot to me. Because it felt like my life in New York had paused to wait for me to come back and continue the story the way I wanted it to.

The remote was waiting to be fought over by Quinn and me, the magazine was waiting to be read by us both and the old t-shirt was waiting to be worn by Quinn.

I came back to continue my story with Quinn.

"You can unpack later," Jake said, closing the door behind him after he had carried our bags inside. Then he pushed us both towards the couch. "You owe me a juicy story about you two getting together because last time I checked, you both were pretty stubborn about being just friends."

"Jake," I sighed and looked to Quinn for help who smiled sheepishly. "Maybe not now and not today? We're kind of tired from our trip."

Jake scoffed and replied, "C'mon, these few hours of flight. I remember how you used to fly half a day to Europe and still find the power to go clubbing the same night."

"Give me a break, won't you? I'm getting older, too," I jokingly said and Jake threw up his hands into the air.

"Alright, alright. I'll let you off the hook for now, but when Kate and Nikki come back in two days, I want to hear every detail about you two. I mean, judging the pictures from Facebook, it seemed quite spectacular."

I awkwardly laughed, standing up from the couch to avoid looking at Quinn.

"Let's order in, okay?" I tried to distract from the topic. "Chinese? Pizza?"

"How about...the truth?" Jake suggested with a smirk.

"Pizza it is. And when I'm already making a call, I'll notify Jerry that I'm back," I said to myself. I had sent the butler to vacation when I had left New York, but I had smartly required a stand-by mode, expecting him to be always ready to come back to work when I needed him. Though I was never particularly close to him, I was still grateful for him to be one of my constants in my life. At least I knew I could count on him to do the things I was too young to understand or too lazy to handle.

After making two important calls, I went back to the living room to find Jake and Quinn lazily spread out on the large, white leather couch, laughing over something that I had missed.

"...and I was like, 'erm, Rae, I'm standing behind you' -" Jake couldn't finish his sentence, coughing on his own laughter, making Quinn laugh even louder.

"Haha," I dryly said, plopping down next to them on the couch, propping up my feet on a foot cushion. "Ha. Really funny. What story are you making up right now?"

"Remember Christmas, two years ago?" Jake gasped out before he doubled over with laughter again.

I blankly stared at him, trying to recall what the hell had happened.

"In Central Park, the massive snow fight with dozens of people that we started because we were drunk and bored?

I squinted my eyes, rubbing the side of my head. "Yeah, what about that?"

Quinn let out a snort and I found it strangely endearing, almost missing what Jake was trying to tell me.

"...and my snow ball hit you in the middle of your face and you got so angry that you reached out to hit me, but the snow in your eyes blinded you and you were totally drunk anyway, so you broke the nose of a police man instead who had been trying to stop the snow fight."

I cracked a nostalgic smile. Good memories. Though I had been terrified at that time, I mean, realizing that you had hit a police officer in the face was a pretty horrifying experience because it wasn't something you could get out of without harsh consequences, but now it belonged to one of my treasured memories.

"How did you get out of this?" Quinn managed to ask through her wheezing.

"I used my charm and calmly explained the situation," I said, only to have Jake interrupt, "She begged him to forget the incident, but her whining made him realize that she was drunk. We got arrested."

"No way," Quinn gasped, though her eyes were still twinkling with laughter.

"No big deal," I shruggingly said, "My fathers' money bailed us out."

At this, Jake and Quinn fell silent, suddenly looking anything but jovial. I raised my eyebrows at them.

"What?"

I wanted to hear them say it. I knew they were trying to be respectful but they made it worse by falling silent because now it was inevitable.

"I'm not made of glass. We can talk about my fathers, I won't break." But the bitter tone in my voice hinted otherwise.

"Rae," Jake sighed and he ran a hand through his hair. "I don't like being the one to tell you this, but I think you have a right to know."

Now he had me becoming nervous.

Quinn looked apprehensive as well, but she moved to lie next to me to show her support. Grateful, I snuggled closer to her and took her hand.

"I got a call from one of your fathers," Jake lowly said, fearing that a louder volume would shock me more.

It wouldn't matter. My whole body froze and my initial urge was to push Quinn away and leave this apartment for a mind-clearing walk on the streets of New York. It was what I had always done when thoughts about my fathers had troubled me. I had pretended to be one of those busy New Yorkers, with full schedules keeping their minds preoccupied, always something to do and think about, leaving behind the world of painful emotions.

But I wasn't that girl anymore, I was trying to move forward against the opposing wind, not going backwards to avoid battles I needed to fight. I used to run away and drown my sorrows by creating other ones, I used to ease my hurt by hurting others. Now I was trying to understand and solve my problems without pulling others into this mess. There was nothing to gain if I pushed Quinn away. I would be worse without her.

I swallowed and tried to be strong. Just for once. For once, I wanted to be able to talk about my fathers without getting bitter because I tended to do that without knowing.

But still, it hurt. It hurt a fucking lot, knowing that in all these years, they had never tried to contact me, yet they had personally called one of my best friends.

"It was Hiram," Jake softly went on.

I closed my eyes, trying to remember him. It was blurry, a black and white picture of him in my mind, like a faded photograph, barely recognizable. It wasn't that I was fighting against remembering him, it wasn't denial that made his face a riddle to me. I truly couldn't remember his features, for I had forced myself to never picture my fathers when I thought about them.

My mind had a self-defense mechanism. It had learned to block out their faces because their sight was just too painful, reminding me of what I had and what I lost. All I could remember of Hiram were his expensive suits, his glasses and a short hair cut with graying hairs on the side. But he remained faceless. Just a spectacled man in a suit.

"I didn't believe him when he said who he was. I hung up on him twice, thought it was a bad joke. But then he told me some things about you, things only someone close to you could know...only someone who used to be your parent could know."

In this moment, I came to appreciate my friendship with Jake over and over again, because when I saw him looking at me, his eyes were full of pain. Pain that I was feeling, pain that he was reflecting because he felt with me, he was my best friend and he shared my pain. It amazed me how my feelings could touch him that much as well. He genuinely cared about me.

His expressive eyes became too much and I needed comfort, turning to Quinn to find her staring at me, completely lost.

She didn't know. She couldn't know. She couldn't know how much this had been a big, miserable part of my life. Though she knew I was quite sore about this subject, I had never told her the complete truth. I had never let on just how much this had been killing me. I had always played it off, making it sound like another mistake of my past. And she had been respectful when I had asked her not to question.

But now there was no way out anymore. She was finally going to learn the last big part of my life.

"What – what did he say?" I choked out.

I was desperate to know. Did he still remember me? Did he still remember my favorite food and drinks and movies, did he still know the expressions I would make when I was excited, angry, sad?

"He wanted to know about you. How you are doing. If you're having a good time in Lima. If you ever mention him." Jake let out a long breath. "I told him to piss off. He had no right knowing that about you, not when it's his own fault that he knows nothing of that. I told him to call you himself, I wasn't going to play the messenger."

I felt Quinn squeezing my hands and I inhaled deeply. "Go on."

"I was going to hang up again, then he started talking again...about how your first words were 'Daddy' and how you started singing before you could even talk. How you used to wonder why others celebrated Mother's Day and you couldn't. And I couldn't hang up, I just couldn't."

The lump in my throat was growing with every second. The urge to escape, to run away, to flee was grabbing me and shaking me, but I remained motionless.

So he still remembered me.

"He said he misses you. He doesn't want much, he just wants to know if you're alright, if you still love to sing, if you still love doing sports. He wants to know if you still rub your neck when you're nervous, if you still massage your head when you're stressed and if you still chew on your bottom lip when you feel guilty." Jake looked down. "And I told him you still do all of these things. I told him before I could stop myself."

The impulse to run away was now stronger than ever, almost overwhelming me, suffocating me. I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"Rachel," Quinn softly said, stroking my cheek, placing a tender kiss on it. It was merely a raindrop on a huge flame, yet it managed to diminish some of the fire.

"Go on," I rasped out, but Jake seemed unwilling to continue. "No, I think it's enough for today, Rae, I didn't even plan on telling you until Nikki and Kate are back -"

"Jay, I need to know," I pleaded my voice not to fail me. "Please," I whispered roughly. "I need to. I haven't heard from them in years, I … want to know if they're alright, too."

At this, Quinn and Jake stared at me with wide eyes.

My eyes nervously twitching, I said, "I may hate them or never want to see them again, but – they're still my parents. My _parents_, Jake. Even if I keep saying that I don't care about them anymore, it's impossible not to, so I really need to know if they're okay, if they still love each other, if they still celebrate their wedding day with lots of cake and champagne. Even if I'll never get to meet them again, I want to be sure they're doing fine."

At this, Jake shot up from the couch.

"Of course they're not fine!" he aggravatedly hissed, more to himself than to me, starting to pace in circles. "They never will be, not with the guilt of leaving you weighing down on their shoulders."

"How do you know?" I weakly asked.

"Don't you see?" Jake exasperatedly exclaimed and Quinn sat up, ready to calm him down in case he got too upset. "They left you, neglected you, forgot about you and yet here you are, wishing them the best because you're being... you."

He stopped to look at me with exasperation in his eyes, shaking his head at me like I had done something wrong with me being me. "And maybe they start feeling guilty now, but it's never going to make up the shit that you've gone through."

Quinn stood up, trying to get Jake to sit down again but he shook her hands off, ranting, "You don't think we never noticed you crying when you thought we were asleep? When Kate, Nikki and I slept in the guest room, we could still hear you shouting in your sleep, we knew whenever you had a nightmare. You never wondered why you found us sleeping next to you in the morning, hugging you? You never wondered why we insisted on sleeping with you in the same room since then, to keep an eye on you?"

My eyes got teary as I stared at him and I could barely contain all the gratitude I felt for him right now. Even Quinn seemed too overwhelmed to react, she stood frozen next to Jake with her hands still in mid-air, about to touch him. Her head slowly turned to me and her eyes screamed in pain.

"I just can't forgive your fathers for doing that to you, not when you were too young to understand and we were too young to really help you," Jake angrily said, gripping his hair. "We were twelve, damn it! Twelve, and we knew nothing of the world, nothing. We were scared and alone, we couldn't tell anyone that you lived by yourself or the authorities would've taken you away from us, placing you somewhere only God knows."

He raised one hand, starting to tick off of his fingers. "You had no relatives, you had no mom, you only had us, Rae." He forcefully pointed to himself with a trembling hand. "_We _were your only family; Kate, Nikki and me, we were all you had. And maybe even Jerry who took care of the difficult stuff, but he didn't emotionally care for you."

My mouth opened and closed, and I shook my head, wanting him to stop because he was upsetting himself so much, but Jake loudly sighed and tiredly continued, "You see now why I'm so pissed about your fathers? I mean, how can three twelve-year old kids be a substitute for parents? We didn't know shit ourselves, we didn't have any idea what we were supposed to do and shit, our own parents were too fucked up to really care. And this is what made us strong, what made us a family. A _real _family."

There was a reason why they were my best friends. I couldn't thank the higher powers enough for giving me them, for placing them in my life.

"Even as the years passed by, when you turned sixteen and told us you were over them, we just knew you weren't," Jake said in a rush, and it seemed like he had wanted to get rid of this all along. "You said you were okay and that's when all the partying and dating girls started. And we let you do it, because it really seemed like you were getting better, the nightmares have stopped and you turned out to be self-confident and independent. But deep down, we all knew it wasn't going to go well for long."

Dumbstruck, all I could do was stare at him. They knew it wasn't going well for long. I knew it as well.

"And we didn't know what to expect when we visited you in Lima," Jake continued. "We were afraid that Shelby would trigger bad memories. But when we met you again, you've changed. And we found out about Quinn."

His eyes landed on Quinn and she gazed back, unafraid. One corner of Jake's mouth twitched.

"For the first time, we had hope. Though Kate didn't trust her at first, I had a good feeling about her. She did you good. I thought to myself, she can be the one to help you the way we never can. And guess I was right."

I didn't know who I was staring at more. My eyes flickered between Jake and Quinn, and the warm feeling of love swelled beneath my chest, blowing up my heart.

"Jake, I -" I tried to show him my gratitude, show him my love for everything he had ever done for me, but he gently shook his head.

"No, Rae, let me finish," he softly said. "We were young and stupid. We didn't know much at that time. But we knew that you needed us, that you needed us to stay sane. And I know you would've done the same if it happened to either of us."

He turned to Quinn again who looked at him with gratitude and appreciation as well.

Jake was too upset to manage a smile, but his tone was warm and genuine when he said to her, "So please take care of her. I know that most of the people think it's Rae who's gonna screw up because of her past, but that doesn't mean she can't get hurt as well. You mean a lot to her and I hate the idea of having to give you hell if something happens."

Quinn nodded. "You can dismiss this idea, Jake. Though I can't promise to never hurt her, because sometimes it just happens unintentionally, I swear to you that I'll never do anything to purposely hurt her."

At this, Jake managed to form a real smile. "I knew I liked you for a reason."

And I knew I loved Quinn for a reason. For thousands of reasons actually and I could never decide which asset of her I currently loved more.

I just loved everything she was.


	37. Chapter 37

**Pain in the ass to write. I'm sorry. I've been feeling off lately. Here are ~8500 words. (And sorry if the writing's crappier than usual)**

* * *

><p>So maybe I had lied one year ago when I had said I had gotten over my absent fathers, but now, when these words came out of my mouth, I didn't feel like lying anymore. Not completely a lie, at least.<p>

I didn't know how, but it suddenly got easier to think and talk about my parents after Jake had this little angry outburst about them. I wasn't trying to push their memory away anymore, I was trying to sort them out and let myself deal with them. I had avoided this for far too long.

Quinn at first hadn't believed me when I had told her that I was okay again, but she didn't argue, seeing as this was a sensitive topic.

I didn't want to dwell on the past, I wanted to make the most of the present. And right now, I was with my wonderful girlfriend in this wonderful city.

So as soon as we got on our feet the next day, we met up with Jake in a Starbucks for breakfast, talking about our plans for the day. We let Quinn choose what she wanted to visit and do, and she could hardly make a decision without wanting to see ten sights at the same time. We had to calm her down and remind her that she had almost two weeks' time.

"Then I want to see Times Square first."

So we took a cab to Times Square which probably wasn't a very smart idea because the cabbie was one crazy driver. We feared for our lives when he reenacted scenes of a car racing movie, throwing us around in his backseat everytime he flew around a corner. He sometimes even drove on the wrong lane when the cars on his own side were too slow for him, getting honked all the way. How he dared to drive like this on the full streets of New York was beyond me.

By the time we finally got to get out, we all but jumped out of the car, heads first and Jake was so green in the face that he carelessly threw a couple of bills into the cab driver's hand, leaving an undeserved large tip.

"We're taking the subway next time," Jake mumbled, wiping away the sweat drops on his forehead.

But Quinn had already forgotten the horror car ride as soon as she had looked up and realized where she was. Her eyes widening, she turned on her heels a full 360 to take in everything that Times Square had to offer her.

Jake and I only watched her in amusement, following her every move with our grinning eyes.

"Rae?" Jake lowly said beside me, not looking away from Quinn who was taking photos of her surrounding with her phone.

"Yeah?" I smiled contently.

"Have you ever wondered if karma exists?"

Surprised, I took my eyes off Quinn and turned them to Jake instead who didn't answer my astounded gaze. He kept looking at my girlfriend with a thoughtful expression.

"Where's that question coming from?"

Jake ran a slow hand through his ruffled hair, then he slowly said, "Because I think it does exist if I look at your life."

Huh. Jake had always been the one to sprout out random questions before answering them himself.

"Enlighten me."

"I mean – I look at Quinn and it's so obvious that she's this one-in-a-million girl, a unique and gorgeous pearl among the plastic ones in Lima. And then I think about how you got so lucky to get a hold of this precious pearl, and it's leading me back to your fathers."

Involuntarily, my shoulders tensed at the mention of my fathers, but I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, relaxing my muscles again.

"Think about it, Rae," Jake said, his voice rising a bit, "think about the reason why you flew to Lima in the first place. Shelby suddenly wanted to get to know you and pleaded your fathers to let you live with her for a year. And we both know you could've stayed here if you really wanted, but you kind of wanted to see her, too, so you left."

I felt like a big lie of mine just got revealed. Of course Jake had known all along that I hadn't been really against going to Lima and that I had kind of hoped I could bond with Shelby.

But the moment I had seen her face, so similar to mine, resentment and regret had filled my bitter heart and all intention of bonding with her had vanished. All the painful memories had made it hard for me to look at her without blaming her for everything bad in my life.

Memories of me crying over her, wishing that she had never given me up so that there would be no fathers to leave me, memories of me wishing her to magically appear on Mother's Day and tell me she never left but just got impeded on her way to me.

"And that's how you landed in Lima," Jake continued, "that's how you got to the place where Quinn was. Maybe karma felt bad for everything that happened to you and directed you to Lima, giving you a chance to start all over. See what I mean now? I do believe karma exists but it works undercover, without you noticing it."

I wanted to ask him, if karma really existed, then why weren't my fathers being punished in any way? Why were they getting away with the heartless action of abandoning their single child?

But out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Quinn happily skipping towards us, so I wiped away my frown and set a smiling expression on my face.

"Hey, having fun?" And I didn't even have to force the smile anymore; Quinn's beaming expression was infectious, she was buzzing with excitement.

"It's amazing," she breathed out in amazement and her eyes were sparkling. Her beauty was blinding, even Jake had a stunned look on him and I had half a mind to remind him that he was gay.

"So many billboards!" Quinn said, astounded. "I never know where to look!"

Jake and I chuckled at the childish innocence.

"You know, you can take more photos if you want. We're not going anywhere," I softly told her. Quinn bounced on her feet and beamed, quickly kissing my cheek and hugging Jake before she rushed off to shoot more pictures.

I sighed in contentment and leaned against Jake with a smile, looking after my amazing girlfriend.

"I'm reconsidering my sexual orientation," I heard him jokingly mutter in my ear and I playfully slapped him against his chest. "I hope not or it'll be awkward the next time we share a bed."

A toned arm around my shoulders shortly squeezed me, "You know what, I'm not straight enough to want to share a bed with two lesbians. I'll be forever scarred when I suddenly feel a hand on me that's not supposed to be there."

"You're so gay."

"Thanks. I like being good at something without effort."

I chuckled and nudged him, "Could've fooled me. Sometimes I think you're acting too straight to be gay."

"What, because I'm not stretching out my pinky when I drink?"

I laughed and said, "No, because you argue with me over which car is the hottest -"

"Well, I still think that Audi R8 is -"

"- and you always try to better than me at video games -"

"I _am _better than you."

"- and you're the only one I can talk about sports with. Kate and Nikki don't even know what a shooting guard is and I've played that position in the basketball team for two years."

Jake hummed agreeingly. "So what gives me away?"

"That you're not leering at my girlfriend," I easily retorted and our eyes landed back on Quinn who pouted when two dogs didn't let themselves get photographed and ran back to their owners instead.

"First, I don't leer," Jake said with a smirk, "second, how would you know if she was my type? What if I prefer brunettes?"

"I hope that was no allusion to something I'm not ready to know."

Jake laughed and gently nudged me. "I meant brunette men. And I was joking, Quinn would totally be my type."

"Hey!" I playfully said, lightly shoving him. "Don't even think about my girlfriend."

Jake winked at me and stuck out his tongue. "You can't tell me what to think and what not. But don't worry, I don't need pictures of you doing it on the couch I used to sit on for countless hours."

At this, I suddenly got quiet and blushed, looking away. I couldn't have been more obvious.

"Oh. Oh?" Jake gasped. "Oh! Oh my freaking – oh, oh, oh!"

"How many times do you want to keep saying 'oh' until you get to the point?" I grumbled, slightly annoyed that he had to make such a big deal out of it. Yeah, sure, I hadn't had sex in the last three months, I stopped having sex before I got together with Quinn, but what was the big deal.

"Just one more time, Rae," Jake said in a rush. "Oh_ shit_, you haven't done it with her yet! And here I thought you've already christened all your furniture, making me seriously consider getting desinfection sprays before visiting your home."

"Yep, definitely gay," I muttered to myself.

"Don't distract from the topic!" Jake said with a serious expression, shortly glancing to the side to make sure Quinn was still occupied with taking photos of random things that caught her interest.

"So you're telling me -"

"I didn't tell you anything, you just assumed."

"- that you and Miss America never had-"

"Miss World, if anything."

"Rae," Jake gravely said, frustrated that I kept interrupting him for the sole purpose of delaying the inevitable.

"Jay," I replied with an equally grave voice.

"I'm surprised you're still functioning," he shruggingly said and he crossed his arms.

"What's that supposed to mean," I didn't mean to snap at him, but I could get quite touchy when it came to this subject. I had never cared much about keeping my sex life private because word would spread around anyway, but since I got together with Quinn, I felt like I had the responsibility to at least protect her privacy. It wasn't only about me anymore, it'd be violating her privacy if I told things which would make her uncomfortable.

I didn't like talking about things that could negatively affect Quinn. Even if I sometimes doubted the seriousness of her Celibacy Club, I didn't have doubts about her feelings for me and we would get there when we were ready. Yes, _we, _because even I sometimes didn't feel ready for more. I would fall apart because of senses overload.

"Rae," Jake lowly said, putting a hand on my shoulder to stop my train of thoughts. "I know you. We're best friends for life and all the other corny stuff, remember? And I know when you're getting moody because you're not getting any."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Jake Efferson, don't you dare -"

"First, you snap at me, then you get lost in thoughts and when I take you back to reality, you call me by my full name with this annoyed look where you narrow your eyes. It's creepy how well I know you."

Yes it was.

"Okay, fine, I've been on a dry period for a few months now, so what?" I defiantly said, subconsciously raising my chin a bit in defense.

Jake's jaw dropped open. "Oh, wow. She must be _really _something special."

"And how is that, in any way, news? You know I'd give her the world if I could, but I can probably only afford Australia."

"Hold on there," Jake quickly said, holding up his hands. "I didn't mean it that way. It's just – I don't know how to describe it, I feel so stupid for what I wanna say."

I slowly shook my head. "You of all people should know that I'd never judge you for what you say."

"Okay," Jake breathed. "I feel like – I feel like I'm the older brother who meets his baby sister for the first time after years, after she's moved out to become independent, and he sees that she's completely grown now. Changed, but changed for the better."

He looked down on the ground and hesitantly ran a hand through his hair, which was his favorite move when he got nervous or upset or in any kind of emotional mess.

"Rae, I need time to understand this, to understand _you. _I feel like I can't let go of you, because this would mean that you won't need me anymore, but I've been here all along and I don't want to let go...now I feel like a father not being able to let go of his grown daughter, I'm so pathetic, I must be..." he mumbled to himself.

My heart melting for him, I wanted to reach out and soothe him because leave it to him to make any moment special, to make me constantly feel touched somehow. Aside from Quinn, he had always been the one to move me the most with his occasional sentimental self.

He just chose the right locations and situations. I blamed it on these aspects, I mean, who wouldn't get sentimental at Times Square? Excluding the business man who had just run past me with his finger in his nose.

"Jake," I sighed in guilt, not understanding myself for ever having been angry with him. It was not possible to be annoyed in his presence, not when he turned the tables on me and went all sweet, genuine and vulnerable. In another life, I would've crushed hard on him. Because if there was something I saw in men, then it was the strength to allow weakness at the right moments.

"No, it's okay, I just need time. To adjust," Jake said and squared his chest, sticking out his chest before he deflated. "We all have to grow up some day, we can't stay young and foolish forever." He weakly smiled at me. "But I just never expected you to be the first one of us. Not even Nikki is ready to fully commit to her boyfriend."

I gave him a lop-sided smile, shrugging. "I guess I'm a natural."

Jake didn't reply, but his dark blue eyes twinkled again and when I heard a curious voice behind me saying, "Who's a natural?", my own eyes lit up.

Turning around, I suddenly had the urge to hug my girlfriend and never let go. And I did, I wrapped my arms fiercely around her waist and pulled her flush against my body, burying my head into the crook of her neck.

"You are. You are a natural," I mumbled against her soft flesh and I more felt than heard her giggle.

"Oh, and why is that? What have I done?"

"Wrong question, Quinn," I whispered with a smile. "It's more like, what haven't you done for me?"

* * *

><p>We spent the whole day touring around New York, visiting all the sights you'd find in a tourist guide just to entertain Quinn. She'd take tons of pictures and Jake and I would talk about all the things we missed of each others' life.<p>

When the smaller clockhand of my watch pointed at seven, we decided to call it a day, forcing Quinn into a cab so she would come with us. She tried to pout, but when I kissed her on her cheek and tickled her neck, she gave in and smiled, catching my sneaky hand to kiss it on the knuckles.

As we stood in front of the building of my apartment, we debated whether Jake should come up with us. He refused to be the third wheel now that Quinn wasn't occupied with sights anymore. But I didn't want him to leave us, we had so much to catch up on.

"No, you need time for yourself," Jake insisted and pushed us toward the entrance of the building. "Let the magic of the city overwhelm you, and don't hold back any urges. Go with the flow, I say. Do what feels right, I mean, what happens in New York stays in New York right?"

I stared at him in disbelief. What the fuck was he doing?

"It's Vegas," I hissed, shooting a nervous look at Quinn who scrunched up her eyebrows at what Jake had said. She was too confused to notice me growling at him. He just smirked back.

"All the same. Anyway," he dismissively said, like he hadn't just blatantly made stupid innuendos, "Have a good evening. And maybe an even better night."

Before I could stretch out my hand and smack his head, he smartly hurried away with a big smirk on his face, waving us goodbye.

"What was that?" Quinn slowly asked, still staring after him. "I thought he was okay."

"Most of the time he is," I muttered. I couldn't believe he did that. Fuck was that embarrassing. "Let's go back."

Standing in the elevator with the soft music filling the awkward silence, I still gritted with my teeth. I loved Jake and his well-meant intentions, really, but sometimes, I just wished he wouldn't take his role as the embarrassing friend too seriously.

"So," Quinn drawled slowly, before she went on, "did he just try to get us to have sex?"

Oh. My. Gosh. I wished I could pry open the elevator doors and simply jump out, but we still had ten freaking floors to go. And this elevator was going far too slow for my taste, why had I never noticed that? I should sue the fucking building and the stupid people who had built this.

"Erm," I dumbly said. "Maybe?"

Quinn did something completely unexpected. She laughed.

And I could only stare at her in utter confusion and shock. Why was she laughing? Was the idea of us having sex so funny? I didn't get the joke.

The elevator stopped and opened its heavy golden doors. I stupidly watched my girlfriend march out, her mouth still wide open with laughter. Before the doors could close again, I quickly followed her, stumbling out of the freaking elevator.

In front of my apartment's door, she stepped aside to let me open it. She had stopped laughing, but she was still smiling widely.

"He's cute," she suddenly remarked as I turned the keys.

Pushing open the door, I stared at her as she just went past me, walking into the apartment first.

"Do I have to worry?" I asked with one eyebrow raised and I swiftly closed the door behind me.

"Oh, no," Quinn chuckled and she let herself fall on the leather couch. "I meant 'cute' in the sense of 'adorable for trying'."

Really? I thought he was 'cute' in the sense of 'being a freaking dumb moron who loved to embarrass me'.

"I sometimes doubt your good taste," I said, trying to sound serious, but Quinn knew this game too well to let me have a chance at winning. She smirked at me. "You're right. Just look at whom I ended up with."

A witty remark was just on the tip of my tongue when the landline of my apartment rang and I quickly strode toward it to accept the call. I shot Quinn a look that said, 'Saved by the ring'. She stuck out her tongue at me and I was about to do the same when an unfamiliar, high-pitched voice yelled, "Hello? Helloooo? Heeeeello?"

Grimacing, I held the phone away from my sensitive ear.

"You normally greet someone by introducing yourself first," I replied once the caller finished shouting and I could place my phone to my ear again. Quinn watched me curiously and I pointed to the phone, rolling my eyes.

"Oh my gosh, it's true!"

Swearing to myself, I had to hold my phone away from my ear again because the female caller just wouldn't shut up and stop screaming.

"Who is this?" I required, now completely annoyed. Quinn shot me sympathetic look.

"It's me, Stacy!" I furrowed my eyebrows. I couldn't remember any Stacy. I just knew a song with this name in it. "Stacy Goldman, you promised me to call me once you're back in New York!"

My back stiffening, I pressed the phone flat against my ear to muffle any sounds, so that Quinn couldn't hear anything. She gave me a questioning look and I just sheepishly showed her a thumbs-up, pretending to be engrossed in something the mysterious caller had to say.

"I did?" I asked with a grimace.

"Well, duh, you owe me a date since I got you the fake ID's for you and your friends."

I innerly cringed. "Uhm, thanks again, I guess. Look, Daisy -"

"Stacy."

" - Stacy, now's not a good time. Actually – the next two weeks are not a good time, I'm really busy and I don't have much time before going back to Lima," I quickly said, wanting to end this conversation as soon as possible and probably burn the phone afterwards.

"Oh, I get it, you're blowing me off."

I didn't know whether to sigh in relief or feel embarrassed. "I'm sorry. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"Well, there's this itch I've been dying to scratch -"

"Uhm, I can't hear you! Hello? What? Hello?" I suddenly shouted and I moved the phone further and further away, until I just ended the call with one simple push of a button.

"Rachel? What was that?" Quinn asked in amusement and if she only knew what that really had been, she wouldn't be so amused right now. I tried to laugh it off.

"Just someone I can't stand."

"Well, next time someone you can't stand calls, you could -"

She didn't get to stop her sentence when the phone in my hand rang again. I hesitated to accept the call, first looking at the number if that was Stacy again, but this time, it was a different one.

Quinn motioned me with her hands to take the call.

"Hello?" I cautiously spoke into the phone.

"I'm very disappointed."

What?

"I'm afraid you got the wrong number," I pointed out, but the impatient voice said again, "No, I'm actually right. But I'm still disappointed in you that I had to hear it from Stacy first."

I shook my head and whispered to Quinn, "What's with all these people not introducing themselves first?"

Turning to the phone again, I tried to speak as friendly as possible, "I'm sorry, but who's this?"

"You're kidding, right?"

"Why would I be?"

An indignant huff was to be heard through the line. "How can you not recognize me? Is my voice that boring? I've screamed your name multiple times enough, one might think you've got it engraved in your brain by now."

This was _really_ not a good time for one of my former one-night-stands to start calling me. This was the last thing I could need.

"I'm disappointed that the first thing you didn't do after landing in New York was to call me. I thought we shared something special."

I got placed into the wrong movie, that was it. A good explanation for all the weird things happening.

"Listen," I impatiently said, "I'm really sorry for whatever I've done, and I can't help you, whoever you are, but please delete my number, whereever you got it from."

"Whaaaa-"

I didn't have the heart to torture myself further so I just hung up.

"Don't ask," I grumbled when Quinn looked like doing exactly that. I took out the batteries of the phone, mumbling to myself, "Stupid people, stupid Jake for giving them my stupid number."

"Don't blame it on Jake," Quinn tried to soothe me, "it's quite easy to find landline numbers these days."

"Yeah," I agreed and I went to the couch, wanting to lie down next to Quinn, "Thank God these crazy people don't have my address."

"What crazy peo-"

Before my behind could even touch the white leather of the couch, the doorbell rang and fear surged through my veins. Oh fucking no. Because that was sure as hell not Jake ringing.

This was a building for upper class citizen. No stranger was allowed up here without the doorman first asking for permission and informing who was visiting, so how did they get here?

"Did you order something?" Quinn asked me in confusion. "Because I can't recall you ordering food."

"Me neither," I breathed. But I was nervous about this for a whole nother reason.

"Hey, Quinn, why don't you take a shower first?" I suggested, desperate to get her out of this room. The doorbell rang again.

She shook her head, crossing her arms, "No, it's still too early. And I want to know who's at the door."

I had no choice but to go to the door. I didn't even bother looking who it was because it wouldn't make it any less awkward.

The moment the door was fully open to reveal the other person, something hard hit me in the face and I stumbled backwards until I tripped over my feet and landed on the floor with my backside.

_Son of a -_

"That serves you right!" a nasal voice screamed at me, and I was blinded by the pain exploding in my head. Groaning, I held my nose with both of my hands, wondering what the hell I had done to deserve getting a purse smacked into my face.

"Are you out of your mind!" I heard Quinn yell behind me and her usually light footsteps turned into aggravated stomps as she rushed to me, kneeling besides me. "Baby, say something so I know you're awake," I heard her whisper and I was glad she wasn't asking me irrelevant things like 'Are you okay?' because it was so fucking obvious that I wasn't.

"Nampfgrhuff," I incoherently mumbled, trying to blink away the stars. This was way worse than getting a football to the head.

"_Baby_? And who are _you?_" the shrilly female voice said incredulously.

Quinn helped me to sit up straight first and when she was sure that I wouldn't fall on my back again, she slowly stood up. I furiously blinked to clear my vision again, trying to see what was going on.

This was not going to be pretty. My girlfriend stood face to face to another girl around her height, and she would've been gorgeous if it weren't for her contorted features that showed signs of madness.

She looked familiar but I couldn't pinpoint who she was.

"I'm her girlfriend. And you are?" Quinn didn't fool anyone with her calm exterior. Her eyes were blazing with fury. I admired her control because if I witnessed someone smacking my girlfriend in the face, I would've long ripped apart the foolish attacker.

"Girlfriend, huh?" The girl let out an ugly, fake laugh that almost resembled a shriek. "Don't make me laugh, if anything, you are her 'main squeeze'. I would know, I used to be one, duh."

My jaw dropped open, panic unloading in my heart. I remembered that girl now, she was the captain of the volleyball team and she had been my number one choice for a good lay because that girl was flexible and she had a freaking good stamina. But she could only excel in few things; while she looked like a model and was one of the best athletes at my former school, her character was just unbearable.

"Don't, Janice," I weakly said, now wishing I had never started something with her that I couldn't finish.

"Don't 'don't' me!" she exclaimed, her manic gaze dropping to my figure sitting on the floor. She took one threatening step forward but Quinn made sure to block the path to me, not moving an inch backward. The icy gaze combined with her stony face had to be the most unsettling expression I had ever seen on her.

"You better leave," she lowly said, her voice light and silky, yet scaringly cold. I gulped.

"Oh, back off, blondie," Janice snarled, not seeing the threat looming ahead. "You don't look like you can do her right anyway."

For one second I thought Quinn was going to slap her when she raised her hand, but she just poked a finger into Janice' shoulder instead, effectively making her take one step backward because of the hurting pressure.

"I will ask you nicely again," Quinn menacingly hissed, her voice dripping with ice as her eyes spat with pure disdain. "It's better if you leave now."

Janice' unimpressed expression faltered, but she didn't step back. "You really are one of the dumb blonde type, aren't you? You don't see what kind of fucked up game she's playing?"

At the word 'dumb' something inside of me snapped and I finally got control of my limbs again. I shot up from the ground, jumped on my feet and angrily exclaimed, "_Enough!_"

Quinn looked ready to murder Janice and the same desire was mirrored in my heart, but I knew better than to indulge.

"Why did you come here in the first place anyway?" I heavily said, placing myself protectively in front of Quinn who scowled behind me.

"Just to see if the rumors are true," Janice said, wrinkling her nose. Her narrowed eyes gazed past my face, directly at Quinn. She sneered. "Apparently, all of them are. You're back, with a new favorite toy on your arm. We'll see how long that lasts until you get bored."

Before Quinn or I could react, Janice was gone, leaving us standing there, fuming.

I slammed the door shut with a rough shove, venting some of my anger there. No wonder how Janice got up here, she was no stranger to the doormen as she used to frequently stop by. The security was loosened for pretty girls anyway. They were less likely to kill someone than suspicious looking men with a scruffy appearance.

"That bitch," I hissed to myself and I turned around, leaning against the door with my back. "Quinn, I'm so sorry, I didn't -"

I didn't get to finish my apology when a hot mouth covered mine, swallowing my words. My eyes fluttering shut, I moaned into the kiss and buried my hands into Quinn's hair, pushing her head closer to me.

Something seemed to have set her on fire, her tongue was especially demanding and adventurous, exploring my mouth like she had never been there before. Her hands were roaming my body up and down, and I helplessly gasped in pleasure, feeling my senses going wild on overload.

I was in another world, in a trance full of lust and passion, and I was about to lose myself and just let go until I felt fingers fumble with the button of my jeans.

My eyes snapped open and I grabbed Quinn's wrists, stopping her in her stiff movements.

"Quinn," I breathed, finally realizing that something was off. "Wait."

"No," she throatily whispered, pressing her mouth on mine again to shut me up, and she made her whole body trap mine against the door. She had managed to shake my hands off her wrist and she was working on opening my jeans' button again.

No, this was getting out of control, this was not what I wanted for her first time, not what she wanted -

"Quinn, don't!" I said with more force after turning my face away, grabbing her hands again which had successfully opened the button and had tried to pull down the zipper.

She didn't look me in the eye, but set to gnaw on my earlobe.

"Let's do it," she whispered into my ear and I froze. "Let's do it now, I'm ready -"

"No, that's the point, you're not!" I finally shouted and pushed her away, getting to see her face. And just like I had assumed, she wasn't ready. She didn't look anything near aroused, her cheeks were red, yes, but not with lust. Her eyes were burning with desperation instead of passion.

"What's gotten into you?" I asked her in shock and I pulled up the zipper of my jeans again, buttoning it up.

Quinn turned away from me, hugging herself. "Don't you want me?"

My mouth opening and closing, I choked out, "Of course I do, but – but not like this! You're not being yourself, Quinn!"

She whipped around and I was shocked to find her eyes damp. What had happened? Why was there always something I had done wrong?

"Quinn, if there's something that I hate more than myself right now, then it's seeing you waste a single tear drop on me," I lowly said and I reached out to her, wanting to wipe away her tear and I sighed in relief when she let me. I had feared for her slapping my hand away.

"You're so beautiful," I whispered, brushing away another tear with my thumb. "You remain so graceful, but me, when I cry, I look like a creep straight from a horror movie."

I got Quinn to crack a weak smile. When she whispered, her voice was raw and shaky, "You're beautiful, too. You may deny it, you may not see it, but there's no one prettier than you."

"Hm," I hummed with a smile. "You're right, I will deny it and I won't ever see it. I won't see anyone else but you."

Quinn drew a shaky breath and finally settled for a smile. "I'm sorry. For what just happened. I got a little bit crazy."

My own smile getting askew, I softly said, "It's okay if you're fine again."

She closed her eyes and shook her head at herself, letting out a short, humorless laugh. "I don't know what's gotten into me. But I guess old fears of mine have made a reappearance."

I gnawed at the insides of my cheeks. I had a small idea of what she was talking about, but I still couldn't fully understand her previous action.

"Is it – is it about, you know, uuhh -"

"Sex?"

I nervously chuckled before I abruptly stopped, realizing there was nothing funny about that. Quinn had been shortly before going crazy just moments ago.

"You know, just because I'm in the Celibacy Club doesn't mean we can't openly talk about it," she tried to jokingly say but I still worriedly looked at her.

"I thought it would be akin to loudly swearing in a church."

Quinn laughed and I was glad that I had managed to make her produce this wonderful sound again, and I was somewhat hopeful that this evening wasn't completely ruined. So I pushed her toward the couch, then went into the kitchen to try and find something to drink. I had forgotten to go grocery shopping with all the sight-seeing, so I was utterly surprised to find the fridge stuffed full with fresh vegetables, food and dozens of different drinks.

It had to be Jerry. He was the only one with a spare key to my apartment and he had already done all the shopping for me. The butler acted invisibly, but effectively.

I opted for two cans of diet coke, fully aware that they weren't suitable for diets at all, but to be honest, Quinn and I didn't need to count every calory that we consumed.

Lazily walking back to the living room, I surprised Quinn from behind by putting the cool can against her cheek and she almost fell off the couch trying to escape the sudden coldness.

"Rachel!"

I just laughed, opened the can for her and offered it her with a sweet smile. She tried to pout and ignore me, but then she gave in anyway, gratefully taking the coke with a quiet thanks.

I had to be careful with my timing. So when Quinn stopped sipping on her drink, I tried to say as casually as possible, "So...are you going to tell me why you jumped me few minutes ago?"

Pleased to have estimated her reaction right, I was spared the sight of her choking on her drink and I watched her furiously blushing instead.

She set the can aside on the coffee table. "When I tell you, you're going to be upset."

I raised my eyebrows at her and put aside my own drink. "Probably. But if you don't tell me at all, then I'm going to be upset for sure."

Quinn sighed and turned her face away, almost as if she seemed ashamed. And once I saw this stance, I kind of knew what it was going to be about.

"Hey," I softly said, nudging her gently. "Don't let what Jake said get to your head. He was just joking around, it's how he is. We have all the time in the world."

Quinn covered her eyes with both of her hands, mumbling, "So embarrassing."

I frowned in confusion. "No, it isn't," I replied. "I don't feel ready if you're not, and I won't feel comfortable if you're not, so what's embarrassing about wanting to wait for the right moment?"

"No," Quinn half laughed, half whined, and I wondered if I should worry about this strange mix. "It's not that...I can't believe it – since when did we change roles?"

My right eye twitched. "So you're horny 24/7 too?"

"What?" Flabbergasted, Quinn stopped the strange half laughing and half whining thing.

"I was just kidding, Quinn." _Not really. I'm just good at ignoring it. _"No, for real, what are you trying to tell me?" I questioningly said.

Quinn threw up her hands in exasperation, finally getting out, "I'm just – I'm just suspicious that you're too understanding about this."

Now I was confused.

"You're way too sensible, too attentive and just overall perfect," Quinn said these things like they were something bad. "You don't push and you don't rush, you don't even _ask_ to go further, you just patiently wait and I'm _scared._ Yes, I am scared!"

If I was confused before, now I was completely thrown back and shocked stupid.

Quinn halted for short moment, watching my blank expression. "You don't get it, do you?"

I numbly shook my head.

She sighed and ran a hand through her locks, getting them all messed up and static.

"I'm just afraid that – that eventually, if we don't have sex soon, that other girls will start looking more appealing, and I -"

"Stop right there," my hoarse voice managed to croak out these words. Disbelief and disappointment was making it hard for me to breathe, let alone speak clearly. It was overwhelming me in waves, leaving me completely numb.

It hurt me to look at her right now. "After all this time," I breathed, "after everything, after the whole Cheerios' incident, you _still _have this fear?"

I heard her let out a low whimper and I instantly regretted bringing up this memory.

"I know I should be smarter by now," she quietly said, "but it doesn't make the fear go away. I learned how to push it back, but then that girl appeared on your doorstep -"

"I love you," I suddenly blurted out.

Quinn stared at me, her mouth still half open from her unfinished sentence.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," I said again and again, looking her straight in the eyes, trying to convey everything that I was feeling. "And I will say it a thousand times more, a billion times more, so long until you understand that I mean it, so long until you understand that no one else matters, that nothing else matters."

I watched my girlfriend fishing for words, and I took this as my moment to finally get the message clear. "Do you think our relationship would've survived all that crap thrown at us if I had only been with you for sex? When will you understand that I love you for who you are and not what you could be?"

Long lashes fluttering, Quinn rapidly blinked multiple times. She seemed like wanting to say thousand things at the same time, getting stuck with "Oh, Rachel..."

I shifted my position on the couch and leaned further toward her, but without getting too close into her personal space. "Remember how we met? Remember how I came on to you, barely giving you enough space to breathe? And remember how I suddenly backed away again, only wanting to be your friend?"

She simply stared at me, not knowing what I was trying to get at. I shook my head at myself.

"Even back then, you were so special to me," I softly said, the ghost of a nostalgic smile on my lips. Oh how I had loved snappy Quinn. "I would've never wanted to use you. In any way. Instead, I wanted to protect you, mainly from myself...which I obviously failed at."

At this, Quinn gave me a small smile and she tilted her beautiful head, her shoulders relaxing when she suddenly said, "I'm glad you failed at this."

I contently hummed and reached out to play with her fingers. "Though I would never admit any failure on my behalf...I think this time, I can let it go."

* * *

><p>Just one more touch and I would explode. And not the kind of explode where I would snap and start raging like a bitch, screaming all over the place. No. Worse. The other kind of explode which took longing glances, seductive winks, sly grins, knowing smiles, and a whole more that I couldn't list up right now because I wasn't functioning right anymore.<p>

Quinn had been doing this for _days. _In New York. In front of my friends, even in front of _Kate_, who had returned from her visit at her grandparents'.

Kate had tried to do the 'bitch tour'. Giving Quinn a hard time, teasing her about us, making stupid innuendos. Testing our relationship. But I proudly watched my girlfriend take them all with a light smile and after a while, even Kate gave up and surrendered with a genuine smile, finally giving us her blessings.

Nikki had always liked Quinn, from the first moment they had met, so she had already hugged her and congratulated her for taming me while Kate had wasted hours trying to test her.

To say I had been enthusiastic these last few days was a big understatement. I didn't know when I had been happier, aside from the fact that my senses were now on a constant high. And not the kind of high where you were alarmed at danger, but, you know_._

Quinn made me crazy. I didn't know whether she was doing this on purpose. And I was losing my mind, really, I was on the brink of insanity and I had never felt better, because this felt like staying on the edge of an orgasm – torn between wanting release and wanting to keep burning because of the mind-numbing pleasure.

My friends didn't feel comfortable hanging out with us anymore.

"You need a new ventilator, Rae."

"Why?"

"It's not exchanging the sexual tension with fresh air quick enough, I'm suffocating."

This had been Jake's wise suggestion.

But there was no denying it, our make-out sessions were getting hotter and hotter, almost out of control; I had stopped counting the times that I lost my top and even stopped caring whenever Quinn's hands would linger on the waistband of my jeans, sometimes tugging at it.

And a recent development that had never happened to me before – my sleep was filled with wet dreams.

I had always thought that wet dreams were an alarming sign that you needed to get laid, like, as soon as possible or a catastrophy would befall on the world. Wet dreams happened to people, who, well, didn't get much _live action_ and that was why they had to dream it.

I mean, it was like watching porn and reading erotic stuff, wasn't it? Who would watch or read people having sex if they had partners to do it themselves?

So naturally, the first time I had woken up with a throbbing between my legs and my hands on my girlfriend's toned, bare stomach, I had freaked out. I had scooted away from her so fast that I had fallen off the bed. I had never felt so dirty. Pure, innocent Quinn featuring in my wildest dreams. Safe to say that I had showered very cold for at least an hour.

And sometimes, the dreams felt so real, it wasn't even funny anymore. It was pure pain. Everything would feel so good until you suddenly wake up and realize, it was a fucking dream and you didn't even get an orgasm. Frustration. Pure frustration.

These dreams were too fucking real. Just like the other dream I just had.

Everything was a blur, but the things I felt seemed so real. I remembered making out with Quinn on my bed again, and she had already taken my top off, and my hips were urgently rolling against hers, seeking for heat and relieving pressure. And I remembered her taking my hands, gently putting them on her breasts, telling me to touch her – I think that was the part where I blacked out, where my wonderful dream ended because I had never gotten that far with her.

It was strange, I know – she had already gotten to touch my breasts and pretty much felt me up everywhere over clothes, but I had never dared to touch her in the same way. It wasn't that she didn't let me, I was just...too shy to do that. Believe me or not, she would bring out this insecure side of mine where I never knew if my next move was going to be okay with her. I just didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable, so it turned out that I had become the passive one.

"Rachel. Rachel! Rachel?"

Oh, no, not again, waking up from another wet dream in the presence of my girlfriend.

"Rachel, are you awake?" Quinn's voice sounded distant and distorted against the buzzing sound in my ears. I think she sounded worried, but then again, why would she be worried?

"M'fine," I mumbled, slowly prying my eyes open just to see everything blurry.

"Jus' ha' a dream 'bout us," I slurred.

"About us making out?" Her voice was getting clearer.

I still couldn't keep my eyes open, but my cheeks started burning because of embarrassment. How did she find out? I slowly nodded.

"M'sorry, Quinn," I tried to apologize, though I wasn't sure what for, "Didn't wanna dream 'bout fondling your breasts – oh. Oops."

Shit - _shit_. Stupid, stupid, stupid – fuck, f...

"Rachel." I heard Quinn let out a sigh. "That wasn't a dream."

Now my eyes flew open of their own accord and I sat up straight, completely rigid in my bed.

I hated moments like these in my life, when they felt like being taken out of a cheap comedy flick.

"Quinn," I breathed, finally seeing her.

Indeed. Real-Quinn looked very much like Dream-Quinn, and that meant: Ruffled hair, swollen lips, ruby cheeks, and no top over her lacy bra, which had been a birthday present from Brittany.

I felt like fainting.

"Please don't faint again?" Quinn quickly said and it sounded more like a question.

I fiercely shook my head. "No, I'm still dreaming, still dreaming," I muttered to myself and looked to the ceiling. "I'll wake up next to my gorgeous and sleeping girlfriend any second, and I'll take a cold shower, and then I'll buy her a bouquet of gardenias because I feel so freaking guilty."

Quinn stared at me for a second and I stared back. "No gardenias then? How about lilies or -"

My girlfriend rolled her eyes, moved forward and pushed me back on my bed, almost pouncing on me.

"What are you -" I stopped my stupid question in favor of half moaning, half whimpering.

She had just buried her teeth into the sensitive flesh of my neck like a vampire. And the pain and the pleasure was very much real.

"Sorry for biting you," I felt more than heard her whisper against my bruised skin, "but I want to make sure you're not passing out again. I heard making love takes two."

Before I could mull over her words in my brain, she licked the wounded flesh and gently blew on it, making me hiss and shiver, forgetting everything on my mind.

What was sanity. What.

"Quinn," I moaned when she moved her thigh between my legs and accidentally hit a certain, very sensitive spot. Looking up devilishly, she did the same movement again and received the same reaction again.

Not able to take this any longer, I suddenly leaned forward, capturing her lips into a messy yet heated kiss, and when I noticed her hands lacking coordination on my body, I flipped us over so she lied beneath me, squirming and moaning into my mouth.

She seemed to feel me smirking into the kiss and she bit on my bottom lip to wipe away my triumphant expression. The light jolt of pain mixed with arousal made my hips uncontrallably jerk as a reaction, firmly pushing into her groin area and we both loudly whimpered at the contact.

"Please," she suddenly moaned, and my whole body froze.

I woke up from the trance.

"Oh my – I'm sorry, Quinn, I didn't mean to push you," I hastily said, about to roll off her body when she grabbed my wrists and growled, "Don't you dare."

I stared at her with wide eyes. She stared back with a smouldering fire in her hazel eyes, her pupils full-blown, and I could see my arousal and lust mirrored in there.

"This time, I mean it, Rachel," her husky voice sent shivers down my spine. "You've proven me again and again that you're the one for me, because you never take. Now I want to give."

She was so beautiful. Too gorgeous to be true.

I took my time looking at her face, trying to take in everything she was, trying to understand how I got to be so blessed.

"Are you sure?" I softly asked, still hesitant. "I don't mind waiting a thousand years for you."

Quinn smiled and she slung her arms around my neck, pulling my face closer to hers until our lips grazed. "Well, I do."

And when she tilted her chin up to let her lips touch mine, my memories launched me back to the day where we had shared our first kiss on the stage of the auditorium, and how I felt like having finally found home.

But now, it was even better. I had found home and not just the place I belong to, but the girl whom I belong with.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm sorry for not updating regularly, and I don't have a good excuse other than I've lost my motivation. <strong>But it kind of applies to all the aspects of my life right now, so it's not the story. I will finish this one damnit.


	38. Chapter 38

**I usually don't write smut **(I'd rather act it out)** cause I think it's all the same, but here you go, what's a 200k story without sex :D**

* * *

><p>Being good at sex had nothing to do with talent, even if I liked to believe otherwise. But no, like many things, it was the amount of experience plus learning ability that counted.<p>

If someone asked, I would deny it with every fiber of my being, but I hadn't been always a sex pro. After my first time, I had thought to myself, 'fuck it, it's not like anyone cares for me', so I had actively searched for bed partners and after the fourth or fifth time, I had gotten fluent and smooth with my movements. And not long after, I had even developed my own techniques.

Quinn was about to experience the 'Berry Five O'. O standing for orgasms of course. I wanted her first time to be as amazing as possible, and it should be all about making her feel good. My needs came in second.

But it wasn't easy not to think about my own raging hormones. Sprawled out on the bed, completely _naked, _laid my girlfriend and my mind was bursting with images of what I could do with her.

It didn't help that she looked at me with the exact same look of hunger, tinged with light nervousness. I bit my lip.

"Last time to back out, Quinn," my hoarse voice whispered. "I don't think I'll be able to stop afterward."

She slightly shook her head, her smouldering gaze not wavering from my face. "Do I look like I want you to stop?"

That was all I needed. Her approval. I could never live with myself if I did something she didn't want.

I leaned down and gently let my lips graze hers before my tongue peaked out and licked her bottom lip. Feeling the hot puff of her gasp caressing my face, I slowly let my hands wander around her body, making sure to keep my touch light. I wasn't only driving Quinn crazy with the tenderness, my own brain was hurting from so much desire to want _more._

Our kiss became fast-paced and passionate, a stark contrast to my calm hands, which were lazily stroking the sides of her waist. I was teasing her, ony allowing my fingertips to graze her smooth skin, my touch so feathery light that made you wonder if it was even there.

I felt Quinn growling into the kiss, clearly frustrated, and she placed her hands over mine, forcing more pressure on them. I complied, moving my hands up along her sides, never once leaving her fantastic body until I cupped two round and soft breasts, gently massaging them.

"Oh," fell out of Quinn's mouth, a soft yet raw moan.

While my hands were paying all the attention to her breasts, I kissed my way down her throat, only stopping to suck at her pulse point before I continued leaving a wet trail till her collar bone.

I wanted to get her worked up real good, to get her so aroused that even after her first orgasm, she would be ready for more. With that goal set in my mind, I replaced one hand with my mouth, taking in one breast without much warning, immediately going in for the kill. Which meant, sucking and biting on her nipple until she thought she would orgasm alone because of that.

Much to my own pleasure, Quinn let out a loud and long-stretched moan as an answer, and never before did I appreciate my sound-proofed apartment more.

"Please," I heard her whimper above me, and I almost couldn't believe my ears when I heard this urgent and lust-filled sound. I thought my mind was going on over-drive.

I pulled away from her breast with her nipple still between my teeth, and I felt her hips twitching against mine, resulting in us both moaning rather obscenely.

Focusing my attention on the other breast, my jobless hand travelled down her abdomen until it came to a rest on her hip bone, circling her skin there.

"If you," she started, only pausing to whimper shortly because my tongue was swirling around her nipple, "ask for my approval one more time," pause, moan, "then I'll finish it myself."

The mental images I got from that caused me to involuntarily shudder in arousal and my grasp on her breast tightened slightly, the other hand twitching against her hip. I was tempted to do exactly what she told me not to do, just so I could watch her touching herself in front of me.

But I wanted to be the one to make Quinn shake with an orgasm, so I decided to be a bit bolder and finally moved my hand down to her sex, cupping her mound.

A hand flew to my head, accidentally yanking at my hair in search of support. I didn't mind, at least the small pain would keep me from losing my mind completely. Because when I slowly moved my hand against her, I felt slick wetness coating my fingertips and there was nothing more that I wanted than just to taste her juice. But I would get there soon enough.

I moved my head up to her face again, initiating a wild and heated kiss with tongues coming together for a dance of passion and lust. At the same time, I gently put two fingers on her clit, hesitating to do more.

Her hips twitched against mine, urging me to do more, and her fingers buried themselves into my hair, fingernails deliciously grazing my scalp.

My own fingers set into motion, slowly beginning to stroke her but I knew it wasn't enough for her. By now, she was burning up with desire and her desperate need for release was starting to show. Her moans were getting louder and more frequent, her panting was getting to me. I felt with her, my own arousal was starting to cloud my mind.

I made sure to keep the three most important erogenous zones stimulated; I was sucking on her neck with one hand kneeding her breast, the other now rubbing her clit in circles. Her first orgasm was approaching, and I had to be more careful now. If I wanted her to last for four more orgasms, I couldn't completely wear her out at the first one.

Quinn didn't know what to do with her hands, she needed to relieve some of the tension in her body. One hand was already having its death grip on my head, the other pulling at the bed sheets. I was moaning along with her, her reactions to my touch had to be the most arousing thing I had ever seen.

I quickened the motions of my fingers, rubbing her clit with more pressure now. I lifted my head up, wanting to see her face when she reached her orgasm, and I almost came myself when I saw the bliss on her expression.

"I think I -" she panted with her eyes closed until she suddenly opened them with her mouth forming an 'O', and her whole body shook beneath me, both of her hands now on my back, digging her fingers into my skin.

This was the most erotic sight I had ever seen. Her damp blonde hair clung to her face like they were deliberately placed there to make her more beautiful.

I slowed my circling motions on her clit, but I didn't stop. The most difficult part was finding the right timing to pick up speed again. She was still too sensitive right after the orgasm, she would feel anything but aroused again if I started too soon.

"Rae," Quinn gasped once she realized that I hadn't stopped my motions on her clit. "I don't think -"

I kissed her, effectively getting her to stop voicing her doubts. When I pulled away again, I said with the trace of a smirk on my face, "The first two orgasms are just foreplay, baby."

"The first two?"

I didn't verbally react to her question, instead showing her what I meant. My fingers on her clit started moving in a quick pace again, faster than the first time. This orgasm would be short, yet sweet in an almost painful way. It gave you the feeling that you just couldn't come quick enough.

She whimpered and gasped and moaned, and I watched her come undone for the second time, not long after her first time. Two down, three to go.

Fascinated, I watched Quinn's chest heaving and deflating in a quick rhythm, my eyes glued to the rosy nipples begging to be paid attention to. I didn't need a second invitation, quickly taking as much as I could of her breast into my mouth, sucking and licking.

I felt my ego being stroked by her constant moans, which hadn't lost their volume and frequency. And when I was sure that the pause had been long enough to regenerate her senses, I positioned one hand in front of her entrance, shortly dipping into her with one finger before I quickly withdrew it again.

"Mhm," I heard Quinn hum above me, her fingers digging even deeper into my back. I let my finger tease her opening some more, circling the ring of muscles there. To me, that was the most sensitive part of the vagina.

The reason why so many men sucked in bed was their lack of knowledge. They didn't know that inside the vagina, you practically felt nothing. What mattered was the right angle, so that you built up a friction against the right places. Trust me, I knew how to hit the right spots to make a girl hit the right notes.

"Please."

The need. The urgency. The only incentive I needed to slowly enter her with one finger first.

Her hips jerked against mine. "More."

I suppressed a moan when I felt hot walls shortly tightening around my finger, and I moved in and out of her, always checking that I got the angle right. From inbetween Quinn's breasts, I looked up and watched her bite on her bottom lip to stop from letting go raunchy sounds. A smirk crept onto my features. I would make her let out these sounds by the fourth and fifth orgasm.

I picked up the pace and by the time Quinn's breaths were getting chopped and irregular, I knew that one finger wasn't enough anymore. I pulled out of her entirely and just when she was about to protest, I reentered her with two fingers, marvelling at how her wetness made slipping in and out of her so smooth. That was what I had intended with the two first orgasms, getting her wet enough for my fingers to penetrate her without hurting her.

I kissed my way down her body, shortly stopping at her stomach to feel her abs strain against my mouth whenever I entered her deeply. When I went further down, I made another stop, slowly dipping into her navel with my tongue.

I loved feeling Quinn's muscles shivering beneath me, under my touch.

The sound of fingers moving in and out of her slick entrance combined with Quinn's constant vocal expression of pleasure gave me goosebumps and I was reminded of my own raging need for release.

_Not now_, I thought to myself and focused on giving it to my girlfriend right, burying my fingers into her knuckle-deep whenever I entered her with more force.

"_Rachel_."

Her chopped moaning meant that she was close to the edge and I fully intended to let her reach the edge with a big bang, then experiencing another just when she thought she couldn't anymore.

Her nails were beginning to leave marks on my back and I loved the sting. No one could deny that they loved physical proof of their nightly activities, especially successful ones. And I wasn't ashamed to say that I prided myself on the angry, red marks on my back; they were a testament to my bed skills.

"_Yes_," Quinn hissed, arching her back and I felt her walls tightening around my fingers, but if she thought that this would be the end, then I would have to tell her that all good things came in five.

I slowed down, but didn't stop moving inside of her, letting her muscles relax again.

"Rachel, I really don't think I can last -" Quinn tried to say, her voice still raw.

I watched her expression with a smile. She had her eyes closed and mouth opened, trying to regain her breath, but I planned on taking it away again.

"You can," I whispered, lowering my head until my eyes could hungrily gaze at her swollen clit. "And you will."

Before she could half-heartedly protest, I conquered the last few inches and put my mouth on her clit, first softly kissing her there.

The nails that used to leave marks on my back were now almost doing the same on my scalp. Quinn intuitively pushed my head down on her sex, encouraging me to keep going. Like I wouldn't.

Pulling my fingers out of her, I shortly stopped pleasuring her in favor of giving myself a treat. I licked my fingers, which were coated with her juices and I moaned at the bittersweet taste. Deciding that I wanted more, I licked the whole length of her sex with my tongue pressed flat against her, coating her clit with her own juices.

This orgasm would be like the second one, short but oh so satisfyingly sweet. Her senses were still high from the penetration before the third orgasm that she could easily take another one. The trick was to keep the pace fast, riding out the previous wave of lust or it would vanish.

My mouth was stuck on her clit, flicking at it in a rapid pace, barely giving Quinn time to breathe because she was busy moaning. My hands came back to use again, one hand keeping her shaking hips in place, the other stroking her opening.

The hesitation and teasing phase was over now, if I didn't time her orgasm right, then there would be no fifth orgasm and this was unacceptable to me. I wanted to make Quinn see stars for even hours afterward.

Unceremoniously, I let two fingers plunge into her, immediately adapting a quick pace with no build-up intro. This combined with my tongue caressing her clit would bring an orgasm in no less than a minute, it was a proven method. Quinn's senses were already sensitive enough from the previous orgasms, it wouldn't take long to get her lose it again with my name on her lips.

I wished I could see her face when she started gasping for air with my name inbetween her shouts, desperately pulling at my head and I was tempted to abruptly stop, just to see her reaction. But I wasn't suicidal.

Instead, I flattened my tongue against her clit and put more pressure on her sensitive nub, my fingers now going in and out of her with a furious pace. I fucked her like this for a few more seconds and I couldn't suppress my smirk when her whole body started trembling, her raw voice exclaiming my name, over and over again because I wouldn't stop my actions on her.

I wanted to give her the exclusive experience of a double-orgasm. If you asked me, the best present someone could get, but a difficult one to master. I only tried doing that when I was sure that the girl wasn't completely spent yet, when one last ounce of lust wasn't satisfied yet. Otherwise, it would be painful and long and anti-climatic, making all the previous efforts go to waste because the last orgasm was the most important one, and if it sucked, the whole night would end rather awkward.

Quinn pulled at my hair in insanity, not knowing what to feel and think anymore because I wouldn't stop. Her head was rolling around, from left to to right, right to left, sometimes tilting back in ecstacy, causing her whole back to arch. She had a hard time keeping still and I couldn't hold her there much longer, I needed to give her the release she yearned for.

I sucked on her clit with more ferocity, sometimes using my teeth bite lightly, and when I was sure that she would be too aroused to feel the small pain, I added a third finger into the mix.

Two smooth legs quickly wrapped themselves around my head. But while I was kept firm in place, I could feel Quinn starting to lose herself, her upper body arching and turning, her arms grabbing the headboard of my bed as I fucked her into oblivion.

The muscles in my forearm were getting tired, but it only made me want to go faster. By now, I was almost pounding into my girlfriend and if it weren't for my face getting in the way, I would've let the palm of my hand slap against her wet sex everytime my three fingers went in.

The raunchy sounds that Quinn had tried to suppress earlier all came out at once, one moan after the other, she kept chanting words that varied from 'yes' to my name to a swear word.

When I felt the familiar sign of her walls tightening around my fingers, I went in for the final spurt. Just another flick of my tongue, just another push of my fingers, and I heard more than felt her reach her peak.

It was bordering a scream, but her voice was too raw to hit the high notes, a side effect from being thoroughly fucked. Her legs around me tensed for a few more seconds before they fell apart to my sides, completely limp and motionless.

I gently pulled my fingers out of her and she shuddered, still too sensitive to be touched. I watched in fascination how more of her juices slowly dripped out and I was tempted to clean her up with my tongue, but this time, I really didn't think that she could take anymore. This was her first time, I had already tested her enough. But it was so worth it.

Crawling up, I hovered above Quinn and watched her trying to find her way back to earth. Her face was completely flushed and she still couldn't breathe regularly. With her eyes closed, she mumbled incoherently under her breath.

I think I broke her. Not many could take the literally mind-numbing experience of five orgasms in a row; I had girls passing out before. But that was because many of them had been drunk anyway, already impacted by an irregular circulation. Thank God Quinn was an athlete.

"Want me to get you water?" I softly asked her, brushing some strands of her damp hair out of her face.

Quinn managed to weakly shake her head or that was what I thought she did, because her face had shortly jerked to the right side.

"Mhm," I hummed to myself, wondering if I should feel worried now. "Maybe five were too much. I should've gone for the Triple O instead."

One lid slowly opened, revealing a hazel eye that incredulously stared at me.

I gave her a sheepish smile. "I wanted to make your first time special and unforgettable, so I went for the Berry Five O."

The other lid popped open; a pair of eyes were staring at me in amusement. "You gave your...sex techniques names?" It was good to see that her voice still worked, even if she sounded hoarse.

I shrugged my shoulders and easily replied, "Every pro has a name for their signature techniques and I'm not only talking about sex."

I almost expected her to playfully hit me on my shoulder, but she weakly chuckled instead. "I guess a name's justified in your case then."

I could feel my ego swelling up to a dangerously large size and to avoid smothering Quinn with my cockiness, I lied down next to her, contently staring up at the ceiling with a lazy smile.

"I'll quit the Celibacy Club."

Surprised and amused, I looked to my side to find Quinn tiredly muttering these words into her pillow.

"But you're the captain," I said, just to entertain her.

She stifled a yawn and closed her eyes. "Doesn't matter," she slurred. "I won't be able to teach them something that I'm not convinced of anymore."

"Oh really?" I smiled, watching her struggle to stay awake.

"Really," this time, she couldn't stop her yawn and I mooned over how cute she looked, a stark contrast from before, when she had been so sexy. "I'd probably tell them to all have sex already when they find someone with a technique like yours."

I hummed to myself, smirking. "I'm not complaining if you quit. More time for us doing the opposite of what you used to teach."

I didn't get a reply and when I looked to my side again, I found my girlfriend asleep.

I would love to sleep after a large portion of good sex, too.

That was when I noticed my own wetness coating the insides of my thighs. My smirk faded.

"Shit," I mumbled to myself, carefully getting out of the bed so that Quinn wouldn't wake up, and tip-toeing my way to the bathroom. Another cold shower for me then.


	39. Chapter 39

AN: I thought my sex scene was 50 shades of cray but it's nice to see people still liking it :D

* * *

><p>I had created a monster. I had created a sex-crazed monster and I wasn't even sorry.<p>

The morning after her first time – I didn't even have words for what went down, all I will say is – whoa.

Like, really, wow. One might think that Quinn would be completely spent after a night like that, but seemed like she had regenerated her energy in her sleep and was ready to go once she woke up. She was a fast learner and an even better doer, and once she was finished, I wondered how I would ever be able to get aroused again. Satisfied to the bones.

But we had to get up at some point; our rumbling stomachs were too impatient to let us go for another round. So Quinn hopped into the shower while I tried my luck at finding something in the fridge that I knew how to cook.

Oh, pancakes. I knew how to do pancakes.

"Fuck!"

Taking it back. I knew how to do them, but apparently, I just wasn't able to. To be honest, I had no idea how to even use all of these things in my kitchen. As a small kid, I had been so spoiled by my fathers that they had never required me to learn how to cook, not even at least the basic things. Whenever I had been hungry, they had cooked it for me and whenever they hadn't been there, I had ordered in or gone out to eat.

And even after they had left, I still had butler Jerry to cook for me. But I rarely let him do that, because most of the time, I wouldn't meet him in the apartment. He always did the household stuff when I was at school, ensuring me privacy once I was home. It was what I had required long time ago, he was only a half-time butler.

I threw the burnt pancakes - or what were supposed to be pancakes - into the trash bin.

"Good to see that your cooking skills haven't changed."

Almost dropping my pan, I whipped around and let out a startled yell when I saw Kate sitting on a barstool.

"What the -" I shouted, first in shock, then in anger. "How long have you been sitting here?"

Kate rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "What? No good morning?"

I shot her a glare and put the pan back onto the stove. "Yeah, well, I usually say good morning to people I see coming. How did you get in anyway?"

She raised one eyebrow and held up a key. "Your second spare key, remember? You gave it to me for emergencies. And I do think that it's an emergency when you starve to death here though your fridge is full."

"Haha," I dryly said, opening said fridge to find something else to burn.

"No need to waste more food," I heard Kate say behind me. "Jake and Nikki are getting breakfast since we all know you can't cook. And though we're not worried about you poisoning yourself, we don't want Quinn to have any bad memories of New York."

"Charming," I muttered, taking out some orange juice from the fridge. Grabbing two glasses from the cupboard, I set one in front of Kate and filled hers first.

"Speaking of charming, where is your girlfriend?" Kate said before taking a sip of her drink.

"Shower," I curtly answered, downing my own glass.

"Oh my, so moody," Kate muttered into her glass, "and here I thought you finally got laid."

I choked on the orange juice and accidentally spilled some on my white tank top.

"Ha, I totally knew it," I heard her say in a triumphant voice. "Wanna know how I know you got laid?"

"No."

"Because you tried cooking, though you know you suck. You always try doing things you usually suck at, just to see if the magic in your bedroom is transferable."

I absently wiped at the stain in my top, staring at her. "How about getting a life of your own, Kate? Because I find you often using mine to stay entertained."

"Oh, please," Kate laughed, dismissively waving with one hand, "you wouldn't want it any other way."

I hummed to myself, soothed by her laughter. "True."

The doorbell rang and Kate hopped off her barstool to open the door for Jake and Nikki.

"Hey, guys," I heard Kate greet them cheerily and I took two more glasses out of the cupboard. "Rae tried cooking again."

"Oh, so she finally got laid?"

I almost dropped the glasses and innerly cursed.

"Judging from her relaxed stance, triple times."

My friends entered the kitchen and I glared at all of them, even when Jake innocently grinned and held up the plastic bag containing our breakfast. But once the warm and sweet smell of non-burnt pancakes wafted over to my nose, my glare softened and I motioned them to sit on the barstools.

"You're lucky that I love you guys," I mumbled and prepared plates and cutlery.

"Pff," Nikki chuckled, pouring orange juice for everyone, "you're lucky that _we _love you."

"That's right," Jake added, putting a pancake on everyone's plate. "Now go get your girlfriend, we wouldn't want to start without her."

"And no time for another round," Kate called after me when I rumblingly went to my bedroom, which had its own bathroom.

Walking through the door, I almost knocked into my girlfriend changing into a t-shirt and her hair was still damp from showering. My gaze immediately dropped down to her wonderful breasts and abs, but then I pouted when both parts got covered with her shirt.

"You heard what Kate said," Quinn said with a grin. "No time for another round."

I groaned in embarrassment. "How much did you hear?"

She laughed and put her damp hair in a messy ponytail. "I think I got the part where you tried transferring the magic in your bedroom to your kitchen."

"What?" I half whined, half gasped. "And you let me alone there to fend for myself?"

Quinn giggled and kissed me quickly on the lips, before walking out, calling over her shoulder, "Come on, breakfast's ready!"

Huffing, I took off my stained top and changed it for another one before I went out and joined my friends at breakfast.

"So," Kate started after she had swallowed her bite of pancakes down, "any plans for today that don't consist of screwing all day?"

Quinn dropped her fork and quickly dove after it to retrieve it. Jake sighed and rolled his eyes at Kate, standing up to get my girlfriend a clean fork. And Nikki took the dirty one out of her hand, unceremoniously throwing it into the sink.

My chewing motions slowed down. This was kind of strange. So...domestic. Like a family that had lived for years together. I shrugged to myself and shoved a new piece of pancake into my mouth. It was actually nice, having a family again.

"Uhm, thanks," Quinn quietly said when Jake gave her a clean fork. She had to be thinking the same.

"You're welcome," Jake said with a grin. "Kate's always been a bit blunt, so it happens that you sometimes drop things, choke on your drinks or spit out food. We're used to it."

"What?" Kate defensively said. "Just preparing her for real life, when things don't happen as predictable as in a cheap script."

"She certainly doesn't need _you_ to prepare her, it's what college is for," Nikki remarked and to spite Kate, she widely opened her mouth to take another bite. She knew that the dark blonde girl hated disgusting eating manners.

Kate narrowed her eyes at Nikki. Jake and I just shared a look and rolled our eyes, and Quinn watched their interaction with curiosity. They always acted like this, like they could barely tolerate each other while they loved each other dearly. It was kind of like my friendship with Santana.

"Is there something you wanna say to my face?" Kate lowly said, putting aside her fork and knife.

Nikki smirked. "I would, but you're sitting on it."

My eyes widened and I almost choked on my food, wanting to laugh so badly, but I couldn't get enough air. Quinn soothingly rubbed my back while stifling a laughter of her own.

Jake had less self-restraint. He was bellowing with laughter and he knocked over a glass, which had been thankfully empty.

"Fine," Kate growled. "You win this round."

Nikki nodded in satisfaction. And as quick as this semi-battle had started, as quick did it end.

"Talking about college," Nikki continued, suddenly turning to Quinn. "Any plans? I mean, sure, you still have a year, but there's always a rough sketch of your future, right?"

Quinn looked thoughtfully before she slowly nodded. "To be honest, New York has always been a fascinating idea -"

"Fantastic!" Jake cheerily said. "We could keep in touch!"

My girlfriend looked down on her plate shortly and I frowned. "But?" I asked for her.

"But," she continued, "New York isn't known for its cheap properties."

I bit on my tongue and shared a worried look across the table with my friends. "Well, if you happen to think about Columbia, it's just across Central Park plus a little bit walking and hey, I think my fathers own another apartment in Tribeca if you want to go to NYU..."

Quinn sighed. "I can't just move in with you, Rachel. Things aren't as easy as that."

"But why not?" I immediately countered, not seeing any big difficulties in that. What I was offering her was the dream of every college student; a free place in a luxury apartment with the perfect location. I mean, how could you top Upper East Side and Tribeca?

"Girls," Jake slowly, not wanting to interrupt us, but there was no other way. "How about you two move to the living room and we take care of cleaning the dishes?"

I gave him a grateful nod and followed Quinn out of the kitchen.

"We're living a dream, Quinn," I said and started ticking off points with my fingers. "Waking up next to each other in the morning after a wonderful night, having our friends over for breakfast; the fact that we're having an apartment for us alone is already amazing. It could be like this every day!"

"It does sound promising," Quinn lowly replied and her eyes looked suddenly vulnerable. "But how can I know if _we _arestill like this after a year? We're a couple in high school, Rachel, what we dream now is different than what we will actually do. I just don't want to plan too far ahead into the future when I don't even know what will happen the next second."

Oh. She could've told me sooner.

"So you're afraid that by the time we graduate, we're not a couple anymore?" I softly asked. This fear was understandable; the relationships in high school were just the first of many in later life. Even I wasn't naïve enough to belive in a happy ever after without putting some effort into the relationship.

Quinn slowly nodded. "We may be great now, we may be going strong now. But a year is a long time in high school. A lot of things can change."

"No, don't say that," I shook my head. "As long as _we _don't change much, it won't happen."

"But how will I know?" Quinn suddenly exclaimed and I stepped back in shock. "You're here in New York, and I'll be stuck in Lima for another year, so how will I know that you haven't changed?"

Suddenly everything became clear to me. How could I have been so stupid? We hadn't been even talking about the same things!

"And I don't think I can take the long-distance relationship drama," Quinn continued rambling and I just watched her with fond eyes. I was so stupid for not telling her.

"Quinn."

"Now that I know what it feels like to touch you -"

"Quinn?"

"- I can't wipe away this memory anymore, I will die of sexual frustration -"

"Quinn!" Oh my gosh, I really had created a monster.

" - and who knows how many girls will try to get you -"

"QUINN!" I finally shouted, and she stopped rambling to herself, looking at me in surprise like she had just seen me.

I stared at her. "I'm not leaving you."

"That's what you say now -"

"I'm not leaving Lima," I said again, correcting my words.

"I'm sorry?" Quinn blinked a couple of times, tilting her head when she stared at me in disbelief.

"I'm not leaving Lima," I repeated patiently, a small smile displayed on my face. "I will stay there for senior year. I will graduate from McKinley High. That's why I'm not leaving you, as in, not leaving your side."

The anticipated reaction of her squealing in happiness didn't come and it was robbing all of my self-confidence when Quinn's expression gained a few degrees of shock. I nervously chuckled, then cleared my throat, timidly asking, "Quinn?"

She just stared at me, before swallowing. "You can't."

"What?" Of all the things she could've said, she told me that I couldn't choose to stay with her. "What does that mean, I can't?"

Quinn covered her face with both of her hands and sighed. And I still didn't get what was going on.

"Fine," I mumbled, walking past her, "if you're so eager for our first angry make up sex, you'll find me in the bedroom."

I managed to get as far as walking three steps into my bedroom until I got pulled around by my wrist and shoved against the door, effectively slamming it shut with my already bruised back. The whimper of pain I could suppress, but not a moan when Quinn crashed with her body against mine, trapping me between her and the door.

I had been kidding with the angry make up sex. But I wasn't opposed to trying it out.

"You're driving me crazy," Quinn growled into my ear and bit on my ear lobe, making my hands fly to her ass to have something to grab. My eyes rolled back into my head and I panted, "You drive me crazy, too; one hour of abstinence is really long..."

And next thing I knew, her supporting body left me and my wobbly knees gave in, resulting in me landing on my ass. "Ow, the hell?"

I felt oddly dazed; one second Quinn was all over me and the next, I sat on the floor by myself. I looked up to find her staring down at me with a desperate look.

"No, Rachel," she fiercely said, like she hadn't just let me drop to the floor, "you drive me crazy with your selfless actions."

A little bit peeved that this was the reason my bottom was hurting and I wasn't going to get any kind of sex soon, I threw up my hands in exasperation. Being punished for my selfishness, I could understand, but having the chance of a good make up sex withdrawn because of my selflessness? What was wrong with the world?

"When we first met, you called me selfish and now I'm too selfless?" I incredulously said. Maybe I sounded whiny, but that was because I was in a semi turned on state, which was the worst state you could ever be in. Not aroused enough to forget the irritation and not sober enough to stay rational.

Quinn huffed and took a deep breath. "You can't stay in Lima. It's the Loserville of all Loservilles, and graduating from McKinley will lessen your chances at a good university. Lima isn't known for its high education standards, for heaven's sake, it's not known for anything!"

If I had to depict the process in my brain, I would describe it with an old light bulb that flickered a few times, before it slowly started to illuminate even the darkest corners of my head.

I couldn't understand how I could've ever doubted Quinn.

I slowly stood up, straightened myself and faced her with a serious look. "It will make no difference, Quinn, believe me. And I don't even know if I want to go to college, it's not the only way to further education."

"But," she tried to counter, and I raised my hand, shaking my head.

"There are different types of education. Things that college just can't teach you, things that you can't learn by book," I softly said with a smile and I walked to my desk, which had a miniature globe on it. I took the globe and turned it around in my hands, gazing at all the continents depicted on there. "I'd rather be out there, writing my own adventure, and leave my footprints all over the world. I want the whole world to be Berryfied. Which I like to compare with a Zombie apocalypse, but way cuter and more hygienic."

I stopped when the sound of Quinn's light giggles echoed through the room, instantly warming up my heart. Absently putting the globe aside, I strode to my girlfriend and muffled her cute sounds by placing a closed-mouth kiss on her lips.

She squealed at the surprising action and ducked away, but I exaggeratedly pursed my lips and made kissing sounds when I chased her face with mine. "C'mon, give this cute zombie a kiss, I'm _dying_ for a kiss, so _hungry_ for a kiss, rawr..."

Quinn's delightful laughter rang pleasantly in my ears; I didn't mind it very much when she fled the room to run to my friends.

When I was sure that she was out of hearing range, I let out a sigh of relief, glad that I had been able to defuse the situation before it got serious. We could leave the room with a smile again though we had entered it with a frown.

I followed my girlfriend and left my bedroom with a short glance over my shoulder at the globe.

The Berryfication had just begun.

* * *

><p>"No," Jake whined like a small kid not getting a candy, "please, no, don't."<p>

"Jake."

"He's right," Nikki glumly said, looking to the ground. "We can't take this. Please don't do this to us."

"Nikki," I sighed, then added, "Jake. Stop."

"I rarely agree with these two bitches," Kate started in a sassy tone, but when she paused, her attitude made a sudden shift. "Rae, it hurts."

Exasperated, I turned to Quinn, who was watching all this with a suppressed smile. "Am I imagining things or are they really being that dramatic?"

The blonde simply shrugged, still wearing that 'I want to laugh, but it'd be rude'-grin. I let my shoulders hang and turned back to my friends, defeated.

"Two months, guys, two months," I quietly said in a grave tone. "Two months and school will be over, and we will be back for summer break. You can do this." When Jake was about to open his mouth, I quickly added, "Yes, you can and yes, you will and no, you're not allowed to drive my cars, Jake. Even if you know where I keep my keys hidden."

"Uhm, spread out all over your desk?"

"Fuck you. I meant my safe," I grumbled, having forgotten that I had a useless safe in my apartment. I would never remember to put the stuff back in.

"Your code's still 6969 right?"

I stared at Kate and she stared right back, slowly saying, "What? It's not? Then it's gotta be 8888."

Nikki stepped to my girlfriend and stage-whispered to her, "Rae's not good at memorizing numbers. She keeps it easy. All her passwords have either something to do with sex or the amount of gir-"

"OKAY!" I loudly exclaimed, startling all the people standing around me. An older woman wrinkled her nose in indignance at my outburst and I was tempted to mimic her expression just to spite her, but Jake stepped in front of me and blocked my vision.

"What I actually tried to say before was – I'll miss you," his voice became soft at the end and his gaze extended to Quinn. "I will miss the both of you, so bad. We had such a good time; I mean, who else would be crazy enough to join us playing gorilla in the subway?"

Quinn blushed and shyly looked to the ground. "It was peer pressure. I tried the 'not-knowing-you' tour, but my plan pretty much failed when Rachel danced around a pole and told me to put money into her cleavage."

"Hm," I hummed with a smile. "I know you enjoyed my show. And you know I just danced for you."

The blush on her cheeks darkened and I leaned in to give her a short peck on her lips.

"Rae, we're standing right here."

"Yeah, and we still don't feel comfortable knowing about your preferences in your bedroom."

Ignoring my nagging friends, my eyes drifted to my watch; half an hour left and our plane to Ohio would be ready to board. How fast time flied.

"I think it's time for us to pass the security control."

"Noooooo," Jake dramatically groaned and I almost expected him to drop on his knees and pull at our clothes, begging us to stay. Or maybe sit on my foot and hug my leg. That would be actually quite efficient, because he was far too heavy for me to carry around with one leg and I'd really be stuck then.

"One last group hug?" But Nikki had already wrapped her arms around Quinn and me before she had even finished her sentence; and when she did, Jake and Nikki had already joined.

No one knew whose arms were smothering them right now, and no one knew whom they were smothering with their arms. Just a lot of bumping heads and flailing arms, and even more whiny 'I'll miss you's and 'I'll miss you more' and 'No, _I'll_ miss you more'...

Held tightly in the center of this group hug were me and Quinn.

"Quinn?" I mumbled against someone's shoulder. I guessed it was Kate's, because her favorite perfume was making its way down my airway.

"Hm?"

The vibration came from behind.

"Since you quit the Celibacy Club, it's only right that we join a new one."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. How about the High Mile Club?"

The group hug abruptly ended and my friends jumped away from us.

"Rae!" they yelled, pretending to be offended and disgusted, before they gave up and burst out laughing. Quinn didn't hesitate to join; their loud and free laughter attracted many disapproving looks, but we couldn't care less.

But then I realized they were laughing at my expense.

"I was serious."

* * *

><p>No, I hadn't been serious because plane bathrooms were one of the most disgusting places to have sex, ever. Besides the sanitary facts, it was already cramped enough with one person in there.<p>

I really should've asked Jerry to arrange a private jet from my fathers' company. Those large, comfy leather seats would suffice for our new-found favorite activity.

* * *

><p>"<em>Welcome back to McKinley High and may the grades be ever in your favor!"<em>

I looked up at the speaker in the classroom and raised one eyebrow at it. I almost expected Figgins to announce a tribute from each class and then let them fight on the football field. And the cheerleaders would be there to spice up the game of course.

But no other announcement was added, so everybody turned back to their notes, bored with glazed over eyes again.

"Did he just...?" Mike whispered questioningly and I slowly nodded.

"I'm tempted to scream 'I volunteer', just to get out of this class," I mumbled, clawing at my face in frustration because this History class was too damn boring. We just had come back from vacation and our teacher was already bombarding us with learning material, reminding me why school sucked so much in the first place.

I glanced at my watch. Ten minutes into the first class of Monday. Shoot me now.

"Hm," Mike hummed next to me. "Remember our first History lesson together?"

A smile quickly formed on my face, I didn't have to go through my mental archive of memories for long.

"Just like it was yesterday," I said with a smirk. Good memories. Mostly of an angry Quinn all up in my personal space, intoxicating me with her scent and turning me on with the sharp edge in her voice.

"How about a repeat of history?"

My head immediately turned around; I watched Finn gloomily doodling onto the table, drawing a penis on it.

I faced Mike with a sly grin.

"We never learn, do we?"

* * *

><p>"Rachel."<p>

"I swear, it was completely an accident!"

"Uh-huh."

"I didn't mean to throw the blunt pencil at him."

"Mmhm."

"No, really, I actually wanted to hit him with the sharpened one -"

"Rachel!"

"Kidding, I was just too lazy to throw my whole pencil case at him this time."

"..."

"You love my wit, right?"

"You're lucky I love _you._"

"I know. I say that to myself everyday."

"Hm, just because you're a smooth talker doesn't mean I'm not angry at you anymore."

"So...want to punish me right?"

"Rachel!"

"What? Too fast?"

"..."

"Hey, where are you going? Quinn? … Good thing we're not married or I'd be sleeping on the couch tonight."

"I heard that. No kisses for you anymore."

"What? No! I thought you've quit the Celibacy Club! You don't have to tease me anymore! Quinn? Quinn! Fuck."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: <strong>Don't ask why I switched to dialogue in the end. Saves pretty much work :D Anyways, the end of this exam apocalypse is in sight and I'll try to get back on a regular update schedule, but at the same time, end of school is nearing and you know the deal. I know I'll be on a constant high the last two weeks.


	40. Chapter 40

"Hey, bro, where's your fine ass going?"

I lowered my black helmet that I was about to put on, and turned around to find Puck jogging towards me with his letterman jacket flapping at his sides.

"Home," I simply said. "Sleep. School Monday is always a bitch."

But he didn't seem to have listened to me, his eyes lingering on my new motorcycle next to me. When I had first seen this bike the moment I had arrived at Shelby's house from my New York trip with Quinn, I had the same wide eyed look like him.

"Whoa, new bike?"

I tried to shrug it off, while I was innerly excited to ramble about all the datas and facts about this bike. It was a light motorcycle, which Shelby had purchased while I was gone, and this was her way of saying 'sorry, let's start again'.

I really didn't want to seem easy, but this gesture did light up my heart. Especially when she had said that the reason of this new present was her worry about my safety. Light motorcycles weighed much less and couldn't reach the speed of normal motorcycles, but that was negligible in a small town.

"It's...kinda cute. It suits you," Puck said with a grin, pointing out the small size of the bike compared to normal ones. "An Aprilia?"

"Yeah. Classical black and red," I proudly said. "But I'm secretly planning to go to Burt's autoshop, maybe he knows a few tips on tuning it."

"Ooh, getting down and dirty, are we? You know that these guns," and he paused to show off his biceps – well, tried to, since the sleeves of his letterman jacket were too baggy to show the outlines of his muscles - "aren't just made for looking. You can count on my help."

Even though I laughed as a reaction, I knew that he was serious and that I could really count on him.

"But anyways," he quickly said, then pointing over his shoulder at the school. "We got practice now, you can't skip the first practice after break. Not even I want to get shot another asshole."

Confused, I tilted my head. "Practice?"

Puck stared at me until his eyes widened in understanding. "Bro! You're in our football team now, go work that ass hard or Coach Bieste is gonna ride it for you!"

"Ew," I muttered in disgust, but now remembered. Shooting one last longing look at my new bike, I followed Puck back to the school and right before we entered the dressing room, he suddenly stopped walking and I bumped right into him.

"What's wrong?" I asked with a groan, rubbing my nose.

"You can't go in there," he said, frowning. "Dozens of naked dudes and you're the only girl. I'm really not down for boners popping up from everywhere."

I gagged and stepped away from the door, now horrified of ever going in there. "If I wasn't gay before, I am definitely now."

Puck pulled at his mohawk in thought. "We never really thought about that problem. You've got your own locker in there with all your stuff. Wait here."

Without telling me what he was going to do, he just pushed open the door and quickly closed it behind him again.

Sighing, I felt stupid standing there in the empty hallway by myself.

"Traitor."

Startled, I whipped around, but then relaxed again when it was only Sue Sylvester. She had her eyes narrowed at me and I guessed I was supposed to feel frightened right now.

"Coach," I acknowledged her with a nod.

The lines on her face got deeper. "Daring to speak to me like she hadn't betrayed me with that poor clone of a She-Hulk."

So that was what it was all about.

"Jealous?" I smirked.

She worked her jaw and blankly looked at me. "Outraged, even."

"I'm oddly flattered," I admitted and I meant it.

Of course did Sue have a megaphone in her right hand, so she turned it on and placed in front of her mouth, her enhanced voice yelling at me, "I expect full attendance to my Cheerio practices, no matter in what kind of uniform you are in, not even if it is a Borat costume. Nationals is in a week and you will be my punching bag whenever I need to release some rage."

I rubbed at my ears. "I'm sorry, I didn't get the message."

Sue regulated the volume on the megaphone, turning it up a little bit more. "See it as my most generous action of the century; I will grant you the permission to play Wrestle&Run with sweating primates, as long as you can promise me to show up in less than one second whenever I demand it."

Innerly smiling, I obediently nodded and in this moment, Puck appeared again; his arms were loaded with football gear and jerseys.

Sue directed the megaphone at him, "You know what happened last time. Be smarter. Or at least less stupid." Then she faced me again. "See you on the field, Ray. Or better, see you getting mashed on the field, Ray."

With that, she strode past us and I stared after her.

"Uhm, help a bro out, won't you?"

"Oh, yeah right, sorry."

I took off some stuff out of his arms and I realized that they were my stuff, as in, my football gear. It was smaller than regular, so it wasn't hard to guess.

"Reminds me of the protection pads I wore when I was eight," Puck chuckled and luckily for him, my hands were too full to be bothered to hit him.

"Let's go," he enthusiastically said, marching off in front of me. I almost tripped over my feet when I followed him, not really seeing where I was going.

"What? Where are we heading?"

"Where else can you change without boners popping up? Though now that I'm thinking about it, do lady boners count as well?" he mused to himself, leading the way to the still unknown goal.

When he stopped walking, I almost bumped into him again.

"Sorry, Rach, but here's where my road stops. I'm not fucking suicidal; Sylvester always knows when non-cheerleaders enter the Cheerio's room. Been there, done that."

He unceremoniously dropped the rest of my football stuff on my already overloaded arms, and I was trying to find the balance by swaying left and right.

"See you on the field!"

He jogged back to the jocks' locker room.

"Uh." How was I supposed to get in there? I could barely see anything, let alone open the door.

"Rachie! I thought I heard Puck's voice outside the door."

Letting out a relieved sigh at the familiar voice of Brittany, I quickly said, "Hi! Could you please help me?"

"Sure."

To my surprise, just a second later, all stuff was taken from my arms and I watched with wide eyes how Brittany effortlessly balanced everything on her arms. She kicked the door open again with her foot, then proceeded to go in with light steps.

I felt strange walking into the Cheerios' locker room. Unlike the Titans' changing room, it smelled quite fresh and sweet here, and the walls were painted with a bright red color. The lockers seemed newer and just everything seemed to be better than the rest of the school in general.

There weren't many cheerleaders left in the room, most of them had learned to be fast to avoid Sue punishing them. Brittany dropped off my things on a bench and pointed to a locker behind her.

"Coach said that this is your locker from now on," she cheerily said, then pointed to the locker next to it. "Coach must really love you, because that's Quinn's locker. Not even Santana or I got to be next to her. We're over there." And she pointed at somewhere across the room.

Smiling to myself, I let my backpack slip off my shoulders. "So much for hating me."

"Anyways, I'm finished, so I'll be out there or Coach will get really mad."

"Go ahead," I said with a nod, and I watched her happily skip out of the backdoor, which directly led to the field.

"Ew, a boy in our room," a teasing voice suddenly drawled next to me. I didn't spare a glance to my right, taking off my shirt and folding it. I could feel eyes scanning up and down my upper body.

"Taking it back. You've got a smoking body there, Berry."

"I know," I remarked with a smirk, finally acknowledging Santana with a side grin. "Why are you still here?"

She held up one finger like she wanted to say, 'Wait, you'll see'. She slowly tip-toed towards the remaining cheerleaders, who were still struggling with putting up a straight ponytail, and positioned herself behind them.

I jumped when Santana suddenly started to yell and clap like a maniac, screaming straight into the Cheerios' ears, "What's taking so long! Move, move, move! Do you like being always the last ones? Do you like doing extra rounds? Now go, go, go! Or I'll ends you all!"

The poor cheerleaders squealed in fright and were gone in a second, only leaving me and Santana behind.

I whistled. "I'm impressed."

Santana just gave me a self-satisfied smile. "I love having a reason to yell. Gots too much energy. But now I gotta go myself."

I just nodded and went back to putting on my protection outfit, listening to her shoes squeaking as she marched out of the room. After fixing the last straps, I pulled a clean red jersey with the number 28 in white over my protection. Turning to my side, I gave myself a once-over in one of the three big mirrors in the locker room. I didn't know why I stupidly smiled to myself when I absently stroked the number on my jersey.

Remembering that I couldn't waste any more time, I quickly finished changing and fumbled for my helmet and mouthpiece.

"Finally," Coach Beiste barked once I joined the team on the field. She had her eyes squinted because of the blinding sun, making her look scarier than usual. She pointed to me with her megaphone. "I won't make you do fifty push-ups because this is your first practice. But don't think I'll go easier on you just because you're a girl."

I was glad that I had already put on my helmet, partly helping me to cover the embarrassment on my face. I quickly nodded to show her that that would never happen again. I had just forgotten that I had practice at all.

While Coach Beiste listed up all the exercises we would do today, I found myself getting distracted by a certain Cheerio that was being tossed around in the air on the other side of the field. Something in my stomach churned uncomfortably. I couldn't watch this; this was my girlfriend flying several yards above the ground with no protection at all. Being a cheerleader was more dangerous than being a football player if you asked me, but apparently, no one had asked for my opinion.

Beiste blew in her whistle, signalling us to get our asses moving. I hadn't listened to her instructions, so my head was frantically turning in different directions to see what the others were doing. I wanted to find Puck or Mike, but with everybody having their helmets on, it was hard to recognize their faces.

"Don't stand around doing nothing," someone snarled at me from the side, and I had to turn 90 degrees to be able to see the person daring to talk to me like that. His face was unfamiliar, his expression hostile.

What had I done to him?

I wanted to growl right back at him, asking him what the hell his problem was with me, but I got pulled away by my arm. Looking up to find Mike's warm eyes smiling at me, I let him lead me to the running track.

"Let's get warmed up first," Mike ordered more than suggested, and before I could object, he had already started jogging. Not wanting to seem stupid, I followed him and ran until I caught up with him.

"We're the only ones jogging," I remarked, head turning to see the others doing specific warm-up exercises.

"They're just too lazy," Mike replied, "they don't want to get too sweaty before the actual practice."

"Oh."

We jogged like this in a comfortable speed until we passed the side of the field where the Cheerios were having their practice. My eyes automatically zoomed in to search for a certain cheerleader, _my _cheerleader.

That was when I realized something. It was so sudden and it almost made me trip.

Quinn had known that I had football practice today, but she hadn't mentioned one word when we had said goodbye after the last class. There was the small chance that she had simply forgotten it, but my gut feeling told me that ignoring this subject had been intentional.

Eyes narrowing, I pulled my head back to the track to watch where I was running.

So she still didn't want me to play in the team. She was hoping that I would get kicked out if I didn't go to the first practice.

"He's a douche," Mike suddenly said next to me, pulling me out of my thoughts and I looked up in confusion. What he had just said didn't match with what I had been thinking.

"Just ignore him," he continued, not noticing my confusion. "Dean's a quiet one, like me, but when he opens his stupid mouth, he's only saying a lot of crap."

For one moment, I thought he was talking about Finn. But then again, he wasn't a quiet one. Then I remembered the small incident few minutes before.

"That unremarkable guy? I already forgot how he looked like."

We finished our first lap, passing the football team. Every football player did something different to warm up; some took it serious and were already sweating, while others tried to do as little as possible so they wouldn't get too worn out. It didn't surprise me when I spotted Finn half-heartedly stretching his legs, not even bending his ankles enough to strain his muscles.

"Most of the time, he goes along with the team," Mike said inbetween pauses, the heat and the physical work already affecting his body and breathing. "I pulled you away because this time, he didn't go along. He couldn't accept you in our team like we did."

"Why?" I panted out, feeling the sun mercilessly beaming down on us as we kept jogging another round. "Because I'm a girl?"

"That's one point," Mike answered and blinked, being blinded by the sun. "But to be honest, we all used to be against females in our team. Before you even came to our school, Beiste had a hard time earning our respect. But after we won a few games under her training, we started to accept her and I think it made it easier for us to accept you. Because now, we only judge by skills and you got them."

I just nodded to save breath.

"No, the real reason he's pissed because you snatched him his position. He is – _was _the halfback. Now he's got the honor of keeping the bench warm as a second-string."

"That's his problem, not mine."

And we finished running, our legs now tingling from the exercise. The first half of the practice was uneventful; we tried applying new learned strategies to our game play. _Tried, _because most of the team wasn't able to put the theory into the practical, so we ended up messily running around with no clue of what was happening. I just did my job of occasionally catching the ball and bringing it as far as I could into the opposing team's field.

Right now, my gloved fingers were tightly wrapped around the pigskin, and I was making a sprint towards the endzone. No one seemed to have caught up with me yet; and judging by the lacking sound of footsteps, I assumed no one was making the attempt to even chase me.

Almost triumphant, I wanted to elegantly jog the last yards to cool down from my sprint when I saw a flash of red and white at the sidelines. It was Brittany and she was jumping up and down, enthusiastically waving at me with her pom-poms. I chuckled to myself and wanted to wave back, when a giant body came crashing into mine, completely knocking the wind out of my body.

The force of the impact caused me to skid for a few feet and with a dull throbbing in my head, my teary eyes registered the white line of the endzone just two inches away from my nose. No touchdown then.

Groaning in pain, I turned on my back, wondering how many brain cells I lost this time. This couldn't go on, I needed all of them to keep up with Quinn.

"The fuck man, what was that shit?" an angry voice yelled from a distance and I had to grin weakly at that. At least I had always Puck to curse out loud for me when I wasn't able to form a word.

"No, Rach, I didn't mean to distract you!"

"S'fine, Brittany," I mumbled, already trying to get up on my feet again. But I stumbled and my arms awkwardly flailed in the air, trying to hold on to something for support. I managed to grab onto a football jersey.

"Hands off, dyke," was venomously hissed at me, and my hands got shoved away. I tripped backwards into a pair of bare, soft arms.

"I've got you." Brittany's soothing voice seemed to almost have the opposite effect on me. I felt angry and embarrassed out of sudden; not because of her, but because of the situation that led me into her arms. Since when did I belong to those people who got shoved around? Since when did someone dare to call me names?

As gentle as I could, I pried myself off Brittany's arms and tore off my helmet, spitting out my mouthpiece. My expression darkened when my eyes focused on this unremarkable, yet unlikeable face. What was his name again? Dean?

But before I could give him a piece of my mind, someone else beat me to it.

"What the _hell _were you thinking, you _moron_, you could've gotten her killed!"

I heard the high-pitched and furious voice of my girlfriend before I saw her, and I suddenly felt sorry for the foolish football player. But sorry or not, I retreated a few steps, almost hiding behind Brittany. She seemed to think the same as me and she tried going behind me again, but I held her shoulders firm in place. No one could hurt Brittany.

Peeking over her shoulder, I watched Quinn shoving the football player back and back again while she screamed various things at him, and he could only let her. He wasn't stupid enough to hurt a girl, let alone a Cheerio.

"If I were you, I would run." I turned to my left to see Puck worriedly staring at me. Confused, I said, "Why?"

"'Cause you're next."

My eyes widening in alarm, they darted back to Quinn, and she had finished shouting the football player into a small heap of misery. She slowly turned around on the spot, her blazing eyes immediately finding my frightened ones.

"Rachel Berry."

I flinched. I didn't have good experiences with people calling out my full name, I associated it with police officers noting down whatever little crime I had done or girlfriends wanting to have a talk. The latter one was scarier. Police officers at least wouldn't rip your throats out.

When Quinn tried to reach me by going around Brittany's left side, I dodged to the right side. The same happened when she tried the other way round and Brittany slowly got confused by us circling her.

"Stand still, won't you?" Quinn hissed in irritation, one hand reaching out to grab me but I jumped back.

"Guys," Brittany uneasily said, her head turning left and right to watch our movements, "I'm getting a headache."

"Sorry," I panted out and in three, two, one; I made a dash for my life. But I ran into the wrong direction, straight into the Cheerios' territory. That itself wasn't the problem, I could've run past them and fled through the shabby grille and out to the parking lot. But a wall of red and white was building ahead of me, blocking my only way out.

My feet slowed down and with desperation, I noticed a snickering Santana at the front, motioning her fellow cheerleaders to form a tighter wall, so there was absolutely no escape possible. I fucking hated her. So much.

It was actually intimidating. It was no surprise that McKinley High had a ridiculous amount of Cheerios, but seeing them all lined up in one row, almost taking up the whole width of the field – I gulped. Breaking through the wall was no option, I couldn't hurt these girls and jumping above their heads was a distant dream.

I was screwed.

"Fuck you," I hissed at Santana, because I knew she was close enough to hear me. She blew me a raspberry and smirkingly said, "So dirty. Does that have validity regarding your bed skills?"

"Bed skills?" I questioningly said, forgetting for one moment my fatal situation.

"Oh, come on," Santana faked a lewd smile at me. "You don't think best friends tell each other everything? I almost lost three pounds barfing when Quinn told me about your fabulous nights in New York. And it's not like you can miss the new swag in her walk."

Before I could process that, a sharp voice behind me called out my name. I froze.

"_You._"

I felt so small and powerless in my football uniform as I turned around; teeth tightly clenched together. I had to take this with pride and dignity. My reputation was on the line. All the Cheerios were watching me, including the football players.

An attempt to light up the situation with a bad joke seemed to be inappropiate, because Quinn didn't look like wanting to hear a joke, especially not from me. Maybe something flattering?

"Have I already told you how beautiful you are today?" I said with a hopeful smile that quickly fell again when Quinn's features didn't show any signs of amusement. But I couldn't give up, I had to at least try. "You're so beautiful, I could simply look at you all day."

Quinn worked her jaw and her narrowed eyes blinked. "That's good to hear, because there won't be touching any time soon."

And with that, she turned on her heels and strutted towards Sue Sylvester, who was deeply engrossed in a magazine with a cheerleader on the cover.

I stared after her, already feeling like whining when I reminded myself that I wasn't exactly alone. I really wanted to stomp in indignance and scream like a little child, because this wasn't fair, this was not a solution – withholding sex was never the answer to any problem! It only made things worse.

My body would get rigid and stiff again because of sexual frustration, and my emotional state would be highly in danger. After finally experiencing what real love-making meant, not getting to do it again felt like a huge loss. Having sex with someone you loved was so much more sensual, sometimes even with a spiritual edge; you just couldn't compare it with a meaningless one-night-stand.

Quinn was doing a horrible mistake. Not only to me, but to herself.

"Berry, close your mouth," Santana laughed evilly. "Judging your expression, you're not gonna get laid tonight, right?"

"Psst," I hissed. "Scream it across the field, won't you?"

"Well, if you wish -"

"No!"

Around us, the cheerleaders were already starting to whisper and gossip, musing about what Quinn might have said to me. I hoped it stayed a secret.

Santana crossed her arms and smirked at me, doing this irritating head move that dripped with smugness and superior air.

"Not a word, Lopez."

"I don't need words to show you what you're missing out, I could demonstrate it with Britt-"

"Shut up."

"Already all wound up?"

"I said shut up."

"It's a yes then."

"I hate you.

"I love you, too."

* * *

><p>I had Quinn writhing and whimpering beneath me, and I couldn't describe the satisfaction pumping through my veins at her shallow breaths that signalled her nearing orgasm.<p>

So much for not letting me touch her.

Well, she tried to resist me and she did resist me long enough, but I knew she stood no chance with my persuasive winks and smooth words and tempting lips. And when I pulled a bouquet of gardenias from behind my back, I cut through the last string of half-hearted resistance.

Said gardenias laid abandoned on her work desk as we occupied her bed. Maybe I should've at least waited a minute for Quinn to put them into a vase before I leaned in for a kiss that got reciprocated after a minimal attempt of breaking away. But I'd rather have Quinn wet than those flowers.

"I shouldn't … have opened … the door for you."

I frowned when she still managed to talk inbetween her moans. I had to be doing something wrong if she was still able to talk. This was not acceptable, not at all, I used to be known for rendering girls speechless, in more ways than one.

My lips catching hers to avoid more words other than 'Yes' and 'Faster' coming out, I let my fingers move in and out of her in a faster pace, wanting her to forget that she was able to talk at all. Curling and scissoring inside of her, my hand started to get sore at the uncomfortable angle, but slowing down was no option for me. I'd rather die than leave my girlfriend hanging on.

I hissed sharply when Quinn's teeth bit down on my bottom lip, not releasing it again. She was so close to the edge that she forgot everything rational, and the need to relieve the delicious ache amplified.

I gasped and whimpered along with her as she neared her orgasm, but my sounds were half-filled with pain. I discovered that having sex with Quinn always led to minor injuries. Especially when drawing out her orgasm, when she would get real desperate for release, so desperate that she bit whatever part she could get of me and scratched her nails down my back. When holding the sheets or grabbing the pillows wasn't enough anymore.

I really didn't mind. In this regard, I didn't mind being a masochist. Quinn knew how to make it up to me and it really was worth it. Having her lick the whole length of the scratch marks made my whole body tingle.

"I love you," I whispered against her trembling lips and I repeated it over and over again until I finally felt her reach her orgasm.

Throwing her head back, Quinn let out a breathy, long moan and her eyes were closed in utter bliss. I watched her face in fascination, still not used to seeing so much beauty and perfection all at once.

I still couldn't believe that I was touching a goddess.

"Do you still regret opening the door for me?" I lowly said with a smug smirk.

Quinn's eye lids stayed closed but the corners of her mouth were twitching.

"Kind of."

"Kind of?" I repeated in disbelief. Did I have to remind her of my mind-numbing, coma-inducing sex techniques?

"Yes, kind of," Quinn said again, finally opening her eyes to show me the mischief glowing in them. "Because there's this paper that I have to turn in tommorrow, but seems like I won't be getting anywhere today."

Not even finished with her sentence, she grabbed me by my bare shoulders and flipped us around, not wasting a second to kiss her way down my body.

My last thought was that I was a bad influence on her, before my brain shut down and let my body do the talking.

* * *

><p>For what did I have a locker when I forgot half of the books at home. But at least it was nice to look at, filled with photos of Quinn and me, and of the Glee Club members.<p>

"What did you do?" A grave and dark female voice suddenly said behind me and I casually shut the locker door, then turned around to face Santana.

"Well, hello to you, too," I sarcastically greeted her.

She narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. "Q just had to explain to the teacher why she didn't do the assigned papers. And I think you can give me a better story than one about her deathly-ill grandmother, who's been dead for six years."

Pretending not to know what she was talking about, I shrugged and brushed past her, on my way to the next class.

"Berry, I know you're behind the brain-washing!" I heard Santana call behind me and I snickered to myself.

"Hell, she even quit the Celibacy Club, laughing like a crazy bitch -"

My laughter died in my throat. I quickly whipped around and hissed, "Would you quiet down?"

Santana shook her head and continued in her loud voice, "Only if you tell me you're not distracting her from school with your oversized sex drive!"

"Oh, come on," I whined and stepped closer to her, frantically motioning with my hands to stop her from blurting out more nonsense. People were watching.

"Don't do this shit -" Santana growled in irritation, slapping my hands away from her personal space. "If her 4.0 GPA starts going down because of you, then I'mma -"

"Not do a flying fuck, because it's not happening," I hissed back, pulling my hands back. "Don't expect me to believe you're sorry that the Celibacy Club no longer exists, most of them weren't even celibate to begin with."

"Oh, don't let the few slutty Cheerios fool you," Santana let out a shallow laugh. "Half of the cheerleaders are freshmen and sophomores, they haven't lost their naivety yet."

"Good for them, because it's not naivety when you actually have self-respect," I retorted, and I suddenly couldn't remember why were even arguing. I was just minding my own business when Santana appeared out of nowhere and gave me crap for allegedly bringing down Quinn.

"Ha, that's rich coming from you," Santana sarcastically remarked, tiling her head. "I thought you were doing her good, you know, loosening her up, taking away the 'ice' from the 'Ice Queen' – but Auntie Snix is gonna go batshit if she finds out you're ruining her grades just because you can't keep it in your pants -"

"Who's Auntie Snix -"

"- shut up, and I will ends you if you-"

"If you're already making unjustified threats, at least use correct grammar -"

"- fuck, Berry, you interrupt me one more time, then -"

"I'll have to endure more bad grammar?"

We stared at each other, suddenly both struck with silence. I now realized what this was all about and my gaze softened.

"You know I wouldn't do anything that Quinn wouldn't want."

Santana seemed to realize her own temper that had gotten slightly out of control. Her shoulders deflating, she sighed and nodded. "Crap. I didn't mean to throw a hissy fit, but...I know Quinn longer than you, Berry. Getting out of Lima has been her dream as long as I can remember, hell, it's the dream of all of us, of every single Lima kid. And you know her grades and the Cheerios are her ticket out of here."

Even when the bell rang and the rest of the students rushed to their classes, we didn't move.

"I know it's not a big deal if she doesn't turn in an assignment once in a while, but I just, you know – I don't want it to become a regular thing, I read about people slacking in school when they're in a relationship. They suddenly lose focus, and after graduation, after the relationship, they have nothing. I don't want Quinn to be one of those people, not after everything she's worked so hard for."

I just wanted to hug Santana and never let her go. Well, maybe to hug Quinn instead, but Santana looked so huggable right now because the concern and sincerity on her face made my heart swell.

"Oh, you," I sighed. "C'mere."

"What?" Santana replied in confusion, not prepared for the bear hug.

"What the – let go, Berry, let the fuck go, take your man-hands off me..."

"Shh," I soothingly whispered, patting her back and ignoring her hands that were trying to push me away. "Just admit it that you enjoy it."

She got still in my arms. At last.

I patted her back and continued to coo, "Everything's alright, it's okay. I won't tell anyone you're a softie besides Quinn. But I think she knows it already."

"Berry, I will hit you in three if you don't let me go."

"You won't and you don't want me to let you go."

"One. Two. Two and a half."

"Stop fighting it."

"Three."

"See? You didn't – OUCH, WHAT THE HELL – JUST BECAUSE I'M A GIRL DOESN'T MEAN IT DOESN'T HURT IF YOU KICK ME THERE!"

* * *

><p><strong>Anyone who wants to kick my ass for this kind of filler chapter? <strong>I'm sorry, my head's already in Barcelona, the place I'll be for one week - a study trip organized by the school (so excited!). The only things I'll study are the fine girls there and the fine sangria. Sunglasses on, go!


	41. Chapter 41

**I got lost in the real world for far too long. And it's cold out there so I'm returning to the warm Faberry world of feels. Did that make sense?**

* * *

><p>"Raquel."<p>

"Actually, it's Rachel -"

"Do not interrupt me with trifles," Sue bellowed in her megaphone though I was just standing right in front of her. I pulled a grimace and stepped back, rubbing at my ears.

"I will now you give you an instruction on how to survive. You can thank me later, preferably with a healthy amount of money. I accept cash and American Express and if you insist, PayPal."

I looked around in confusion. I thought this was Nationals of the cheerleaders and not a wild jungle where I had to fight for my life.

"A cheerleading competition goes beyond the actual cheerleading," Sue sternly started, her steely gaze wandering to some tents to her right where our rivals were changing into their uniforms. The competition was held outside on a huge sport field, since it was such a sunny and windless day.

"The actual games begin long before the performances. And I'm not talking about a pre-show of the same dance moves that every cheerleader movie portrays, but about the mental fight that starts before they even try to fit their fat bodies into the cheerleaders' uniform."

Working hard to not let my focus slip, I straightened myself and ignored a bunch of cheerleaders in sinfully short skirts passing us.

"I'm sorry, Coach, but I don't understand," I admitted.

Sue narrowed her gaze at me. "This is why you're our weakness, you fool. You are manipulable and quite easy at that point; don't think I didn't see you leaving slime all over the present cheerleaders at this competition."

"What?" I gasped, feeling wrongly accused because my eyes hadn't left Quinn since we got on the bus that transported us from Ohio to Michigan. Aside from now, when she was currently in the Cheerios' tent, giving her team a pep-talk and making last preparations.

If I were single, then this would've been paradise for my eager eyes. But since I had the most attractive cheerleader as my girlfriend, everyone else faded into the background and just couldn't catch my attention anymore.

"No, stop reflecting your actions or justifying yourself," Sue raised one finger and poked me in the shoulder with it. "You may not be actively feeling it, but innerly, you're as easily seduced as a penis-driven man."

Taking great offense in that because she had just questioned my loyalty towards Quinn, I took her finger and pried it away from my shoulder.

"I believe we're getting off topic," I coolly replied, the politeness taking away the stinging ice but at the same time leaving no room for further arguments. "Weren't you in the middle of enlightening me on how to surive this?"

Sensing the change in my demeanour, Sue pursed her lips and took one step back, shutting off her megaphone. "I seem to have stepped on sore territory. I hope that my head cheerleader is the reason."

"The only reason," I calmly answered, stressing every word.

Then, unexpectedly, in a kind of 'blink-and-you'll-miss-it' moment, a smile graced her lightly wrinkled face and my cold facade broke, being replaced by surprise and disbelief.

I had been tested.

"Excellent," Sue murmured to herself. "You are dismissed now."

She turned away and began walking towards the Cheerios' tent. In my confusion, I called after her, "But what about the Surivival Tips?"

The cheerleader coach didn't turn around as she yelled over her shoulder, "You'll manage."

With lack of comprehension all over my face, I stood there for another minute before I strolled to the snack tables that were practically untouched, because no cheerleader dared to add a single gramm to their body weight before the competition.

Just when I was about to grab after an apple, a light voice behind me said, "I wouldn't eat that."

With the harmless looking fruit already in my hand, I leisurely turned around and wanted to shoot back a sarcastic or even an inappropiate remark, somewhere along the lines of 'I wouldn't eat _you_'.

But I dropped the apple and my mouth remained half-open.

"Hi, Rachel."

With all the blood rushing to my cheeks, I dove after the apple just to drop it a couple more times before I held it secure in my hands, bruised at some places. Then, straightening myself, I breathed, "Hi."

Before me stood an old classmate of mine from my school in New York that I had left for McKinley. Her lean upper body was covered in a blue and gold uniform, stating 'HAWKS' in bold letters and I didn't know that it was allowed to wear five inches long skirts. I bet half of her ass would show if she bent over, but then again, that was probably the aim.

"I didn't expect you here," the girl drawled and I swallowed. "Same for you."

No, I really didn't expect her here, because as far as I could remember, the Hawks had been the least successful team at my old school. The other athletes, including me, used to make fun of the cheerleaders there because of their unimpressive statistics and most of them were freshmen or sophomores anyway. The older girls didn't bother to join a team that wouldn't boost their popularity.

And I really couldn't foresee Gabrielle here. Because if memory served me right, she used to have glasses, chubbier cheeks and braces.

I cleared my throat. "You look good," I muttered because I didn't know anything else to comment on her appearance. And I meant it, with no second thought. Because she seemed like nothing of the girl that I used to know. Now with dark flowing hair, a healthy tan on her trained body and no horn-rimmed glasses.

"Good enough for you to notice?" she replied and I thought I detected resentment in her voice.

"I always noticed you," I defended myself, maybe too hastily because her next argument made it worse.

"Yeah, you did notice me whenever you needed a victim to harrass."

"Ouch," I whispered with a grimace. "I was an idiot back then."

Gabrielle raised one eyebrow and her eyes scanned my face. "Back then? It was just one year ago."

I fidgeted with the apple still in my hands and tried to loosen the situation with a sheepish smile. "A lot can change in one year. And apparently, so have you. I hope you didn't give up on your intelligence along with your glasses."

Gabrielle let out a shallow laugh and rolled her eyes. "You didn't like them anyway. I think you calling me 'four-eyes' proved it enough."

My cheeks gained a darker shade of red and I felt my fingernails digging into the bruised skin of the apple.

"You're right, I didn't like them," I admitted before I meekly added, "because they didn't bring out your eyes right."

The cool stance of the Hawks cheerleader wavered. Crossing her arms, Gabrielle tried to sound unimpressed when she asked too quickly and surprised, "Really? I mean – really."

I wanted to laugh but then suppressed it, because I didn't want to give her any reason to dislike me again.

"Really," I confirmed it with a smile. Then I scrunched up my face in disgust when I realized that apple juice was staining my fingers.

"That apple was inedible anyway," Gabrielle remarked with a much lighter voice, before reaching behind me to grab a napkin, then handing it to me.

"Thanks," I mutter, accepting the napkin gratefully and throwing away the apple. "Are you trying to tell me that all the food here is poisoned?" I tried to joke.

"Yep," she chipped and I stopped in my movements, staring at her with disbelief.

"The cheerleader teams try to knock each other out before the competition and I bet that the apple you wanted to eat was poisoned at least fifteen times. Everything's fair in love and Nationals."

I warily laughed and scrubbed at my fingers with ten times more force now.

"So tell me, how come you're a cheerleader?" Gabrielle asked me in curiosity. "Where's your uniform?"

"Oh, I'm not," I quickly replied. "I'm just an assistant and my coach insisted me to tag along for moral support."

"Moral support?" she repeated.

"Yeah," I chuckled in embarrassment, rubbing my neck with my freshly cleaned hands. "My girlfriend's the head cheerleader."

"Oh." She squared her shoulders and crossed her arms again. "Should've known you would go for the cherry on top. Which team? No wait, since you go to school in Ohio now, there's only one team in question – the Cheerios. Oh my, you sure do aim for the best."

"Thanks?" I awkwardly replied. "But I see the Hawks are getting better now. Am I missing out on all the fun?"

Gabrielle smoothed out non-existant wrinkles in her far too short cheerleader skirt and bit her lip. "Well...the Hawks got a new sponsor. Rich parents that wanted to support the school. And with the money we hired a professional coach, invested in new equipments and got pretty uniforms. Cheerleading became as cool as it is in any other high school. And the first competitions were won. So here I am."

"Ha, rich parents wanting to support the school – in other words, preventing their kid from failing classes." I didn't know why I laughed so bitter and empty. "Reminds me of my fathers, I mean, that's how I never got something worse than a D minus."

But when she didn't laugh with me, I knew it then and there. The look she was giving me, the _pity_ – and I suddenly felt sick.

Back at my school, the story of my absent fathers was an open secret. No one would dare to talk about it, but it seemed like everyone knew. And it wasn't exactly hard to find out, just one look into the press would tell you about their whereabouts all over the world, but you'd never find them at home. But as long as the money kept flowing into the school's bank account, no questions were asked and no answer was wanted.

"I gotta go," I gravely said, having the sudden urge to escape Gabrielle because her presence reminded me of New York, of my fathers, of memories that I didn't want to relive in this moment.

"I saw them," she desperately called after me and I stiffened, stopping in my tracks. "I saw them last week, at the principal's office – they're in the States again, Rachel."

They were back. After being years away, staying in any other continent but America.

I collected all of my strength and fought off the urge to turn around and bombard Gabrielle with a thousand questions. With one last breath, I strode away, ignoring the voice behind me shouting, "You can't run away forever!"

No, I couldn't. But just this last time.

* * *

><p>I waited outside the Cheerios' tent for my girlfriend, wishing she would let her beautiful face show. But since I had heard her voice delivering a strong speech, I didn't want to interrupt by barging in. So I patiently stood outside the huge tent like a bodyguard with my arms crossed and face blank.<p>

About twelve teams had managed to qualify themselves for Nationals. And I was currently musing about the different uniforms. Why did some cropped tops have sleeves? They could show their belly but not their bare arms? If you asked me, I'd settle for a bikini top right away.

Hm, Quinn in a bikini -

"Perving on the girls, dwarf?"

I snapped out of my short-lived fantasy.

"No, I was perving on my girlfriend," I easily replied before I suspiciously looked at Santana, who was the only one to emerge from the tent. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be inside?"

Santana dismissively waved with her hand and faked a yawn. "Q's speech was starting to bore me, so I sneaked my way out."

I glared at her for disrespecting my girlfriend and I had half a mind to send her back in, but forgot about it when a familiar bunch of cheerleaders passed by. All dressed in blue and gold.

Even Santana forgot to maintain her sneering expression as we both stared at the team passing us in seemingly slow motion. They all looked at us with disdain, especially at me. Some of them were showing me the middle finger, some of them made bitchy faces at me. Only Gabrielle shot me a sympathetic look and when one of her teammates noticed, she roughly bumped her shoulder and hissed something under her breath. Gabrielle didn't look happy, but stopped looking my way.

When the Hawks were out of sight, both Santana and I simultaneously released a breath we didn't know we were holding.

"What the fucking hell was that!" Santana whisper-yelled immediately after and directed her widened eyes at me. "What have you done in the twenty minutes we were apart?"

"Nothing," I shot back in a defensive stance. "I just happen to know half of them. They are the cheerleaders of my school in New York."

"What?" Santana looked around, her gaze lingering on the Cheerios' tent for a stretched second, before she grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the tent, leaving behind a good twenty yards distance.

"Tell me you didn't bang half of them," she whispered and I exclaimed, "What? No!"

"Then explain why they looked like murdering us!" Santana loudly growled.

"Because I participated in some pranks that I'm not proud of," I replied with no hesitance. "The Hawks weren't really popular back then and they were the favorite targets of other athletes. Including me. And since one particular prank involving a vandalized changing room, I have been on their kill bill."

Santana face-palmed and let out a muffled sigh. "Just what we needed," she mumbled through her hand. "As if we need more reason for other teams to hate us."

"Why does it matter? Just pull your own thing through," I shruggingly said and instantly regretted it when Santana narrowed her eyes at me.

"Listen, Berry," she slowly said. "Not the team with the most difficult or perfect performance wins, but the team with the strongest mentality. You know why the Cheerios won for six consecutive years? Because Coach Sylvester made machines out of us, heartless machines at competitions. But you know what works even better than no feelings? Hate."

So this was what Sue had been talking about. The actual competition was off the stage.

"The Cheerios aren't hated," Santana continued, "they're feared. Fear is for cowards, who think they can't do it better. But hate, hate is for arrogant bastards, who are self-confident enough to believe they _are_ actually better. Now tell me, which attitude is more dangerous for us?"

Baffled by this explanation, I incoherently mumbled something when Santana cut me off, "This was a rethorical question, dumbass. But see what you've done – the Hawks have a motivation to beat us now. The hate is giving them power. Damn, how much I want to kick your ass now, but I don't want to get disqualified."

"Thanks," I sarcastically muttered. "Solves all the problems."

"Which problems?"

Santana and I jumped, turning around to find Quinn looking at us with a tilted head.

"Nothing," I hastily replied at the same time when Santana groaned, "Your girlfriend."

"Again, thanks," I growled at Santana before turning to Quinn with an innocent smile. "She's just messing with me."

"And she's messing with our rivals!" Santana hissed back.

Quinn looked torn between us, not knowing who was telling the truth. When her gaze settled on me, I wanted to smirk in triumph but my expression faltered when her piercing eyes moved over to Santana.

"Explain."

Wow. Head cheerleader in charge, reminding me of the Quinn I first met. If the situation wasn't so serious, I'd be drooling right now, fantasizing about her taking charge in the bedroom.

"Your idiotic girlfriend here," Santana pointed to me as if I wasn't standing right next to her, "already made some acquaintances with some of our rivals."

"You're calling me idiotic?" I interrupted. "As if you know how to spell 'acquaintances'."

"Rachel," Quinn lowly warned and I quickly mumbled. "Sorry."

"Santana, go on."

"Apparently, Berry is on the list of some cheerleaders and I'm not talking about a 'to-fuck' list, but a 'to-fucking-murder-in-the-light-of-day' list."

"Oh, Rachel," Quinn finally sighed, "what have you done in the twenty minutes we were apart?"

I stared at her. "Why is it always me? Maybe I've done nothing for a change?"

"Hm," Quinn hummed and it kind of sounded agreeingly. "You do have a talent for getting the girls lose their heads around you without doing anything, in good and bad ways."

"Yuck," Santana gagged and stepped away, "Aaaand I'm out."

Finally, now that Santana was gone, I beamed at Quinn and slyly stepped closer to her. "So...you're telling me that I made you fall for me without doing anything?"

The blonde playfully pushed me back and I faked a hurt pout. "Not intentionally, anyway. Because now that I think about it, the signs were pretty clear."

I mock-gasped and put a hand on my chest. "I'm sorry if my friendly intentions were too intense for you."

She laughed and I couldn't help the cheesy smile spreading on my face.

"I'm pretty sure that taking a friend out on Valentine's Day is stretching the limits of friendship."

I sheepishly rubbed my neck. "I wanted to give you the evening you deserved after everything that Finn managed to screw up."

Quinn's face softened and the adoration in her eyes made my insides melt. I knew that at any other place but here, I would've gotten a long and passionate kiss, but I was content with knowing that she thought the same.

"It's not just the date," she whispered and she ducked her head. "Remember the flowers you brought me?"

"Gardenias?" I asked, confused.

"Yes. You still don't know what they mean, do you?" Quinn lowly questioned with a lopsided smile.

I slowly shook my head, feeling a wave of embarrassment burning up my cheeks.

"I thought you were trying to tell me something. I thought you were confessing me your feelings that night." Her voice got lower and lower and I had difficulties catching on.

"I knew it," I sighed. "The flowers meant something along the lines of 'I love you'?"

Quinn weakly smiled. "'I'm secretly in love with you.'"

"Oh."

Very oh, indeed.

We stared at each other for a long time, lost in our own world until a familiar voice, enhanced by a megaphone, yelled, "Fabray, move your butt that I've got a thousand dollers insurance on, the opening ceremony is starting."

Quinn stepped forward to embrace me and she wanted to keep the hug short, but I tightened my arms around her and whispered in her ear, "It was true. I was secretly in love with you, but didn't realize it myself. But here's a deal: when you win this today, I'll buy you a bouquet of roses, saying 'I'm madly in love with you', okay?"

She laughed into my hair and I grinned like a fool. "Deal."

"I'll be in the audience with the loudest voice when you want to find me, okay?" I informed her and reluctantly let her go. She nodded with a bright smile and brushed my shoulder with her hand, before she jogged back to her team, so they could attend the opening ceremony together. Since I wasn't directly a cheerleader, I didn't get to stand with them in the 'cheerleaders only' area near the stage. I walked to the stands instead, becoming another blurry face in the middle of the crowd.

The opening ceremony was a disappointment. I expected a lot more fancy stuff, like fireworks and a pre-show of cheerleaders wiggling their butts, but it was just an old man holding a long speech and going on about the traditions of cheerleading and so on.

Utterly bored, I preferred to watch the people around me, who all seemed to share the same thought with me judging from their glassy looks. I noticed that I was sitting next to some boys around my age and I hoped that they would keep their disgusting remarks to a minimum. They better not leer at my girlfriend.

Finally, the competition started and the first team, coming from Florida, jumped on the stage, waving at the roaring crowd. Infected by the suddenly lively atmosphere, I cheered along though I didn't even support the team from Florida. But the girls were really pretty, you could tell by their healthy tan that they had to come from a sunny state.

"Damn, I'd bang every one of them."

I stopped clapping and cheering. Slowly turning my head to the sides, I peeked at the boys I had noticed before, chuckling to themselves.

There had to be another free place where I could sit.

But this wish faded when the next half an hour passed without disturbing comments and I could enjoy the perfomance of five various teams. The team from California was the best so far in my opinion, they could become a real challenge for the Cheerios.

"And, next up, we're about to witness a sensation: for the first time ever did a school from New York qualify for the Nationals; a team that seemed to arise from nothing within a year – let's hear it for the newcomers, the Hawks!"

The applause and the cheering wasn't as loud as for the other teams, because they were knew and unknown, but it didn't seem to faze the Hawks. Self-confident and proud, they strutted onto the stage and blew raspberries into the crowd, winning their sympathy.

I didn't know why, but I still cheered for them. They might hate me or want to destroy the Cheerios because of me, but I still felt connected to them because they were representing my former school. And no matter what, a little bit of the school pride was still stuck in me. Mainly because I used to be an athlete there myself, representing my school in every game and this feeling would be forever engraved in my mind.

And the Hawks didn't disappoint. They were nothing like the cheerleader team one year ago, uncoordinated and sloppy in their movements with a boring choreography. This was – this was amazing, the performance made everyone stop and stare, and I was torn between happy for them and nervous for the Cheerios.

Especially Gabrielle stuck out. Well, to me, because I knew her the best and her new face still amazed me. And it helped that she danced in the first row.

When the performance ended, I couldn't help myself and stood up first, clapping furiously. I wasn't the only one who thought that the Cheerios had serious competition now, but I was clapping for a whole nother reason. They had come so far. I was such an idiot for making fun of them. And even if they became so good because they were sponsered with the money of my fathers, they had to work hard for it. No money could replace the hours of training.

Some of the Hawks had noticed me clapping for them and they stared at me in confusion. But I didn't care, because Gabrielle seemed to understand and she was smiling and waving at me, even when her fellow teammates tried to hold down her waving arm.

The best way to disarm your enemy was treating them with respect and kindness. It confused them and gave them no reason to react rudely.

"Whoa, guys, did you see that? The super hot cheerleader with the long black hair was waving at me! I swear, she was smiling at me!"

I coughed and suppressed a laugh, entertaining myself by letting the delusional boy next to me dream on.

"Man, I don't know, she could be staring at someone else behind you," one of his friends remarked and I instantly liked him.

"You're just mad that she didn't look at you. I think I'm gonna go down and talk to her."

The boy seemed to mean it when he stood up, but he got held back by a friend. "Hey, at least wait for the last performance. The Cheerios are gonna be on stage in one minute."

"The record champions, right? Guys, their head cheerleader is so hot. I'd give anything to -"

That was when I stopped listening in on them and I suddenly felt sick.

I felt relieved and grateful when the moderator appeared on the stage again and drowned out all the other voices.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, a legendary team that wants to continue their winning streak, a record champion from Ohio, trained by none other than Sue Sylvester – everybody, the _Cheerios_!"

I thought I was about to become deaf. Like one giant lion, the whole audience united to roar in unison and it was mind-blowingly loud. There was stomping and whistling, chanting and singing.

And then, the first person to step on the stage was Quinn, my girlfriend, glowing under the attention and admiration from the crowd. I fell in love over and over again, feeling like a fangirl seeing their idol live on stage for the first time. She elegantly strode around the stage, waving at everybody with a gracious smile.

Next were Santana and Brittany, linked by their pinkies, coolly smiling and enthusiasticly waving, respectively. One by one did the Cheerios step on stage, taking their sweet time because they knew they could get away with it. Everyone loved them, so no one cared if they were stretching the time schedule of the competition. I thought I saw some jealous faces in the 'cheerleaders only' area.

And then the performance began. And though I had already seen all the moves and tricks, I was still amazed. And worried whenever they tossed my girlfriend into the air.

I was so engrossed in the performance, that I couldn't let myself be bothered when the boys next to me started whistling in an appreciative manner.

But once the show was over, all the tension fell off my body and I was so happy for the Cheerios. I wanted to jump off the stands and congratulate my girlfriend and Santana and Brittany, but one comment made me stop.

"That blonde head cheerleader deserves a better price than just a trophy. As in, my dick."

It happened so fast, I had no control over it. The previous ecstatic expression on my face slipped, quickly transforming into an enraged one when I turned around and pulled back my fist like firing a bow.

The sound of bones crashing on bones amidst the still cheering crowd was oddly satisfying. Everything seemed to happen in slow-motion as I watched the stupid boy's head snapping to the side, his body falling on top of his friends.

Some people around us had seen what I had done and the best thing they knew how to react was to scream. But all I could hear was the blood rushing in my ears, pounding against my eardrums. I barely registered the pain in my knuckles.

Seeing the bleeding nose of the foolish boy wasn't enough, he was still breathing, he didn't deserve to breathe...my mind was in a haze when I reached after him, wanting to show him the price he really deserved.

But I didn't get far as grazing the collar of his shirt, when somebody slung their arms around mine and pulled me back.

"Rachel, relax! Stop before the Cheerios get disqualified because of you!"

I did calm down, for two reasons. One, the person holding me back was right and two, the person holding me back was Gabrielle.

"C'mon, let's go -"

I let myself get pulled away from the stands, not once glancing behind me to see what the group of morons were doing to help their idiotic friend.

"Here."

A bottle of water was held in front of my nose and I warily stared at Gabrielle.

"It's not poisoned, I swear," she said, rolling her eyes. "Drink it, because you need to clear your mind."

I accepted it with a quiet thanks and drank the whole thing, feeling oddly refreshed afterwards. Finally, I could breathe normally again.

"Show me your hand," Gabrielle demanded once I was finished drinking. I strangely obeyed. I was too out of it to think coherently.

"Hm, nothing," she said after inspecting my hand. Then she turned to gaze at me with a stern look. "What were you thinking? If someone finds out that you belong to the Cheerios team, then they're gonna get disqualified! Well, should the victim press charges. If not, you're lucky then."

"He won't," I muttered, sure of it. His ego wouldn't take it, being hit by a girl. "And he called for it."

Gabrielle let out a long sigh. "Thank God I was on my way to see you anyway or who else would've stopped you."

"Really?" I asked in surprise. But that explained why she was so fast by my side before things escalated.

"Yeah. I wanted to thank you that you still support us though...well, you know. And as I got closer to you, I saw you suddenly turning around and when I saw that disgusting expression on that boy, I could guess what he had said, since the Cheerios had just finished performing."

That was when I remembered – Quinn had to wonder where I was! Or even worse, she had seen me punching that douchebag. Oh. No.

Putting a hand on Gabrielle's shoulder, I gratefully said, "Thank you for saving me. But I think my girlfriend's wondering where I am."

"Oh, she's not," Gabrielle said with a grin before looking past my shoulder. My head slowly turning around, I watched with horror how Quinn strode towards us with a blank look.

My hand left Gabrielle's shoulder like it got burned and I wanted to approach Quinn halfway, invitingly stretching out my arms and gratulating, "You were amazing, Quinn."

Quinn side-stepped me and continued her march towards Gabrielle, whose expression turned confused when mine turned terrified.

"What is your relation to Rachel?" was the first thing Quinn said once she stood right in front of Gabrielle, with her chin up and hands on her hips. I face-palmed.

"I don't know," Gabrielle shrugged. "Kind of friends?"

That was the wrong answer because 'kind of friends' was never the right answer. It always suggested something more than friendship and I innerly groaned.

"Kind of friends?" Quinn repeated, narrowing her eyes. This was not good. Not good at all.

"Yeah," Gabrielle bravely retorted, her voice firm and unwavering. I respected her for keeping her cool. "Before you feel threatened by me, you should know that your girlfriend really loves you. I mean, she just beat up someone to defend your honor."

That was when Quinn finally acknowledged me by turning around and gazing at me with wide eyes.

"You did?"

I wanted to shrug it off, but ended up muttering, "Maybe? Depends on how you'll react."

"Oh, come on, girls find it hot when you beat someone up in their honor," Gabrielle sing-songed in the back and I couldn't find her annoying for intruding our moment.

"Gabrielle, if you don't mind..." I gestured between Quinn and me. She grinned and made her slow exit.

"So I stop looking at you for one minute and this is what happens? You beat someone?" Quinn incredulously asked and I sheepishly grinned.

"Bad things happen when I don't have my angel watching over me," I innocently said.

Quinn's expression softened and I knew she couldn't be mad at me, not when I had such cheesy lines up my sleeve.

"And you did it because of me?" she verified and I nodded. Thinking back of what he said, my expression darkened and I growled, "He said some things he should've never even dreamt of."

Quinn sighed, but a small smile tugged at her lips. "So...did you get him good?"

"I gave him a bloody nose," I proudly stated and when I felt arms around me, I knew everything was fine.

"Strangely, it does turn me on to know that you fought for me," Quinn slyly whispered in my ear, grazing my earshells with her warm lips and I felt a wave of lust gripping me.

"Always," I muttered. "Will always fight for you. And now let's go see who the winner is before I tear off your uniform."

"Rachel!"

* * *

><p>No surprise, the Cheerios won this thing, but the Hawks came close as second. I congratulated Gabrielle and we exchanged phone numbers, promising to keep in touch and I said I would visit her once I was back in New York again.<p>

The whole bus ride back to Lima was a party; we had the coolest bus driver ever, who had installed subwoofers and speakers in his bus, so that the music was as loud as in a club. Sue Sylvester knew better than to ride along with us, rumors had it that she had ordered a limousine to drive her safely home with the trophy.

Quinn, Santana, Brittany and I occupied the last seat row and whenever I felt like no one was looking, I'd steal a kiss from Quinn. She had told me at least five times to stop, but she herself had planted several kisses on my lips whenever I least expected it. It was a game where we both won all the time.

Thankfully, Santana was too occupied with Brittany to disturb us with her teasing remarks.

"I know I promised you roses," I whispered in Quinn's ear, when she was looking outside the window, and she turned to me with an expectant expression. My grin turned suggestive. "But I can think of other things to reward you."

And she didn't hesitate to take my offer once we arrived at her empty house.


	42. Chapter 42

**Feel free to kick my ass.**

* * *

><p>"Victory sex is the best sex," Santana contently sighed, leaning against her locker.<p>

"Tell me about it," I agreeingly muttered and mirrored her actions, relishing the feeling of cool metal soothing my wounded back. Don't ask me why my back was wounded.

Both completely spent, in a good way, we took our time to relax against the lockers before our girlfriends would catch up with us and push us to our next class, Spanish.

"Ha, looks like some people got laid a couple of times this weekened."

Sure enough, Santana and I lazily watched Puck approaching us with a smirk.

"Not now, Puckerman," Santana tiredly replied, lacking the usual bite in her voice.

"And no perverted comments, please," I added.

He stared at us, disbelief etched on his features. "Whoa...you two agree on something? What did I miss? A foursome?"

Santana and I shared a pointed look. "Ready?" I lowly asked her with a smirk. She nodded.

"One," she slowly mumbled and pushed herself off the lockers.

"Two," I continued and raised my hands.

"Guys, what -" Puck didn't get to finish his question, when both Santana and I yelled, "Three!" and with our combined forces, we roughly pushed him away and he tripped, falling on his back in front of a teacher.

The female teacher stared at him with no expression. "If this is your method of getting a look under my skirt, Puckerman, then I'll have to show you my method of punishment. Detention for two weeks and no but's."

She gracefully stepped over his body and continued striding down the hall.

As Puck was slowly getting up on his feet while staring after the teacher in disbelief, Santana and I were laughing so hard that no sounds came out. We high-fived each other and pointed our fingers to Puck, who was still in a daze.

"Do I want to know what you two have done?"

Still chuckling, I turned to Quinn and planted a big kiss on her cheek with my mouth still formed as a smile. "It's not that bad. Puck deserved it, right Santana?"

"Hm," she absently agreed, her eyes already focused on Brittany, who was happily jumping down the hall into the arms of her waiting girlfriend.

"You two," Quinn sighed with a smile. "You cause even bigger trouble when you're not fighting."

"Well," I shrugged and linked arms with my girlfriend. "You know us. When fire and fire clashes, everything burns down to ashes."

"You just came up with that yourself, didn't you," Quinn asked, grinning. We both started walking behind the Brittana couple, going to our next lesson together.

"Yep," I proudly stated.

"And you're quite smug about it, aren't you."

"Quite. You know me so well, Quinn."

"Hm, don't I."

* * *

><p>Even when Quinn and I got together, we didn't switch our seats to sit next to each other in Spanish class. Well, we tried once, but it resulted in me distracting her the whole lesson because I found her face more interesting than the blackboard. I would dreamily stare at her and doodle hearts in my notebook, scribbling down cheesy 'Q+R's. And she would blush under my intense gaze. And everybody else would shift uncomfortably in their seats because of the sexual tension between us.<p>

Anyway, we both ended up learning nothing from the lesson – well, I never did learn anything anyway – but Quinn suggested for us to return back to our old seating arrangements. She said she couldn't concentrate with me sitting so near next to her, unable to touch me.

So here I was, sitting in the last row while my girlfriend was in the second, and I made sure that no one else but me was leering at her.

Now and then, I couldn't help myself from gaining Quinn's attention, so I would sometimes throw a paper ball with a message scribbled in it on her desk. Most of them simply said, 'I love you' but other times, when I felt being adventurous, I wrote her messages like, 'I'd rather analyze your body than the grammar in this exercise' or 'I like how you roll the 'r's with your tongue, but I like your tongue on me even better'.

I lived for her reactions when I sent her messages like that.

Right now, I was thinking of other dirty things I could write her, especially after the amazing weekend we had. But I stopped when the door of the classroom opened and the secretary stuck her head in.

"Excuse me, Mr Schuester, but Mr Figgins is requiring for..." she paused to look at a small note in her hand. "Miss Rachel Berry. Is Miss Berry present?"

Schuester nodded and pointed into the classroom in my direction and everyone turned around in their seats to dumbly stare at me.

What – I couldn't remember doing anything wrong!

"Why?" was all I could get out. I was not going to follow her into the principal's office with no reason. Innocent until proven otherwise.

The secretary looked unimpressed. "According to Mr Figgins, it is personal."

"Yeah, I take that personal if I get taken out of class with no reason," I retorted in annoyance and ignored the warning look from Quinn. "At least use a good excuse."

"Rachel," Schuester lowly said, "please have some respect. And you are dismissed from class, go to Mr Figgins' office please."

"Fine. It's not like I'll learn anything anytime soon."

Scoffing, I shoved all the stuff on my desk – which was a crumpled piece of paper and a stolen pen – into my bag and slung one strap over my shoulder. On my way to the door, I nodded to a worried looking Quinn and mouthed, 'See you later', before I followed the secretary out of the classroom.

"Whatever it is, I haven't done it," I firmly said, pacing behind the old lady. "And even if, then it must have been months ago. But you have no proof."

The secretary rolled her eyes and stopped walking, standing in front of Mr Figgins' office. She took one step back and nodded to the door. "He is already awaiting you. I cannot go with you."

I raised one eyebrow at her. "Is this some conspiracy? A plan to kidnap me? Are you even the school's secretary?"

She blankly looked at me before she walked away, leaving me standing alone by the door. I scoffed, I was just trying to lift the mood with some humor.

I contemplated on how to open the door. Kick it open? Then leisurely walk in? Strut in? Shove everything off Figgins' desk and demand a reason why I was here?

The normal way then.

Pressing down the door handle, I slowly pushed open the door and stuck my upper body in the room, a questioning expression on my face. Mr Figgins looked up from his desk and waved me in. I entered the room completely and let the door behind me fall close.

"Is there something you need?" I politely asked and looked around the room. It was unremarkable and boring, nothing seemed to catch my eye, so I returned to gazing at Figgins.

"Well, Miss Berry, it is not me, who requires your presence," he started to say in his heavy accent and he pushed a button on his office telephone.

Staring at him in confusion, I quickly retorted, "What? Then for what am I here?"

"For us."

_No_.

No it couldn't be – it wasn't his voice, no, I was just imagining things -

Shocked and frozen, my whole body didn't even twitch as my feet stayed rooted to the ground. I didn't dare to turn my head, didn't dare to risk a look behind me because what if it wasn't a hallucination -

"Rachel?"

My eyes fell shut and I drew a shaky breath. They both were here. Right in the same room as me. And I never forgot how their voices sounded like, even if I hadn't heard them for years.

"No," I breathed, feeling everything inside of me churning and twisting, and I was ringing for air.

"NO!" I screamed like a maniac and I blindly turned around, storming out of the room with my teary eyes steady on the ground; not wanting to see them, not wanting to talk to them, not wanting to _ever _have something to do with them because they were dead to me.

I had never run so fast. Not even in all my football practices, not even when the police was chasing after me for spraying on walls. The lockers on both sides of the hallway were a blur and in just a few seconds, I pushed myself through the entrance doors of the school, keeping my speed as I ran to my bike. I didn't care about my forgotten helmet in Spanish class, all I cared about was to get away from here, as fast as I could.

I heard two unwanted voices shouting after me and the hot rage was fueling my desire to leave and never look back again, because how dared they taking my name into their mouth after not having used it for years? They had no right call me by my name, not if they never bothered to acknowledge me at all.

I carelessly tossed away my school bag because it only hindered my run and I fumbled for my keys in my jeans pocket.

"Rachel, don't! Let us explain!"

In my hazy state, I didn't know whom that voice belonged to and I didn't care. Their chance to explain was long gone.

I jumped on my bike and did a quick start, the adrenaline making my movements more fluid than stiff. Without looking back, I accelerated and drove my way out of the parking lot and almost crashed into a convertible frontally. But the car driver had seen me before I had seen him, so he had been prepared to steer away his car.

Honking and loudly cursing after me, I didn't look back to see if he was alright, but only added more speed. I needed to get the hell away from here.

I didn't know where I was driving, I didn't know how long I had been driving. But my mind was racing with thoughts and it was numb with pain at the same time. The only thing that calmed me down was the feeling of cool wind against my heated face, stroking through my hair. Without the helmet, I felt a lot more free and secure, because now my eyes had an unlimited 180 degrees overview.

It was when a huge school building caught my attention that I finally snapped out of my trance and realized where I was actually driving. 'Carmel High'. How did I land in Akron?

And without even thinking, I did a 180 on the empty street and steered my way onto the parking lot of the school where my birth mother was teaching at. I glanced at my watch. I had been aimlessly driving around for two hours, it had to be lunch time by now.

I parked my bike next to a row of Range Rovers. If you asked me, an exaggerated gift for a high school show choir. But since when did too much money lead to healthy decisions.

Carmel couldn't be more different than McKinley; whereas the school in Lima represented the traditional low budget building, the one in Akron didn't let out any chance to boast with the glory of their students and the fancy stuff that was sponsored by rich people and companies.

The lockers weren't simply a mass of metal, but fine wooden furnitures; the classroom doors were out of mahagony. And I found it quite unsettling to see a camera staring back at me whereever I went.

I had no idea where I was going. No one was to be found in the hallways.

Then I saw a boy leave his classroom, obviously aiming for the restroom opposite of his classroom.

"Excuse me?" I called after him, and he turned around in surprise. "Do you know where I can find Ms Corcoran?"

The boy, probably freshman, smiled nervously and nodded, pointing behind him. "Around the corner, in the auditorium. You can't miss it."

"Thanks," I muttered and followed his instructions.

And just when I turned around the corner, I crashed into something cardboard-y; not hard enough to make me fall, but sturdy enough to resemble a slap to the face.

I stepped one step back and let out a startled yell when I saw the enlarged face of my birth mother plasticly smiling at me. It was a cardboard of her with her arms crossed, miming a triumphant pose and a large golden trophy stood between her feet, reaching up to her navel.

Creeped out by this, I stepped around the cardboard and almost walked against another. A life-sized cardboard of a handsome boy with curly hair and an arrogant grin. Maybe that was the lead singer of Vocal Adrenaline, Shelby had sometimes mentioned his name, but I never bothered to remember because his name was only mentioned in the context of 'singing a duet together' and 'consider dating him'.

No, I hadn't bothered to tell Shelby about my sexual preferences. I had a theory that she knew, but she didn't want to acknowledge it. It wasn't like she could miss the increasing frequency of Quinn coming over the last weeks, and I was quite certain that she couldn't miss the loud noises coming from my bedroom either.

By now I was annoyed by all the stupid cardboards advertising the glory of Vocal Adrenaline and I shoved them away, angrily muttering to myself.

Finally, I found the doors to the auditorium and bless were they large and fancy. Golden door frames? Golden door handles?

"Who pays for this shit?" I mumbled in awe.

"Oh, I could give you a list of names."

Turning my head, I saw the real life version of the cardboard boy approaching me with a cocky smirk and a café in his hand.

Unimpressed, I reached for the golden door handle when Mr Plastic-Smile loudly sighed and said, "I wouldn't do that."

"Hm," I hummed, "I probably wouldn't do that either, _if I gave a fuck._"

And I purposely pressed down the handle, wanting to push open the door when a hand placed itself on top of mine, stopping my movement.

"I told you not to," he said calmly, now close to my side.

As composed as him, I quietly replied, "And I tell you to take your fucking hand off."

He didn't, so I pulled away mine first.

"Fine," I hissed darkly. "Tell me one good reason why I shouldn't go in there."

The boy's smile was pitiful. "Because everyday from twelve to one o'clock, Ms Corcoran spends one hour alone in the auditorium and does not wish to be disturbed. Two members already got fired because they didn't follow the unspoken rule."

"Well, I'm not a Vocal Adrenaline member," I defiantly said.

"I know," he said with superior air and he smiled in self-satisfaction. "You see, I'm actually the leader, so I would know. The name's Jesse St. James, probably heard of before."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Nope," and I popped the 'p' on purpose.

His smug expression didn't falter, quite contrary, he seemed to be happy about this. "Wonderful, another person to introduce to my world of superb performances. Once you hear me sing, you will never want to buy a mainstream CD anymore."

I refrained from gagging and turned to the auditorium doors again. "Save this for later, James."

"Actually, it's St. James and I preferred to be called by my whole name because for better effect-"

And I didn't listen anymore, opening the door with a rough push.

"What are you doing!" Jesse exclaimed behind me, clearly horrified. "Ms Corcoran will murder you!"

"No, she won't," I calmly replied without looking behind me. "She wouldn't kill something that she brought to life."

And I skipped down the stairs to the stage without hearing another sound from him again.

Quite predictably, I found her sitting by the piano and playing single notes, sometimes humming to herself. To everyone else, she would seem like in the process of writing a song. But a musician sometimes played music to think, to remember, to relive. Without even registering the sounds in their ears.

"I'm sorry," was the first thing that I blurted out once I stood on the stage, still half the stage away from her.

If Shelby was startled or surprised by my sudden presence, she didn't show. She slowly looked up from the piano keys and gave me a blank look.

It didn't discourage me. Nothing could; I had come so far and grown so much during my time in Lima that I knew better now. Blank looks didn't mean disinterest, they meant anxiousness and insecurity because before people revealed their fear, they'd rather let you believe that they didn't care. I used to pretend that nothing mattered to me when I felt like bursting out in tears at every moment.

I took a step towards her.

"I'm sorry," I repeated, this time louder and with a steadier voice. I firmly gazed into her eyes, looking at a face so similar to mine. "I'm sorry that I treated you the way I did. I'm sorry that I unnecessarily fought with you at the beginning of this school year and I can't apologize enough alone for the fact that the word 'sorry' sounds so unsorry. But I am."

Shelby folded her hands beneath her chin, still intently looking at me. Only her softening eyes told me that she was listening, understanding and accepting my apology.

"And there's one thing that I regret more than the others," I continued, my voice getting quieter and ashamed. "I'm sorry that I never gave you a chance to be my mother."

And the dam was broken, Shelby finally stood up from the piano bench and walked towards me with insecure steps. It looked like a theatre play, because I was standing in the middle of the stage and Shelby was slowly approaching me, and nothing but one stage light was shining down on the whole scene.

"And I regret that I never gave you a chance to be my daughter," she whispered so quietly that I almost didn't catch on. But call it mother-daughter instinct, I knew what she meant and it was enough to know that she shared the same regret.

"Do you believe in second chances?" Shelby suddenly asked, her watery eyes causing my own to moisten.

I hesitatingly shook my head. I really didn't believe in second chances. I had seen too many people breaking their promises, falling back into old habits, hurting others again though they were granted a second chance. No, some people would never change and some didn't derserve it.

"But would you make an exception for me?"

And then there were others who really fought for their second chances, who took them serious and deserved them. And I did believe in making exceptions. So I slowly nodded.

"Maybe we can start again?" Shelby unsurely offered and I gave her a small smile.

Stretching out my hand, I said, "Hi, I'm Rachel Berry."

She quietly laughed and accepted my hand. "Shelby Corcoran. You seem familiar, have we met before?"

"No, I'm afraid we haven't. But I'd like to know everything about you."

* * *

><p>And it was wonderful, it felt like reliving a second childhood with my mother and we told each other everything, everything we wanted to know about the other. We laughed and we cried, then we laughed some more only to end up crying again. I didn't know which we did more.<p>

"Can I ask you something?" I quietly asked after we had calmed down for a while.

"Hm?" Shelby hummed, nodding encouragingly.

I looked down at my feet dangling off the stage. We both sat at the edge of the stage, facing the hundreds rows of seats. "When you contacted my fathers a year ago – why did you suddenly want to see me? Why not years earlier?"

Shelby looked uncomfortable and slowly shook her head to herself. "I wasn't completely honest with you, Rachel."

I looked up at her, the muscles in my face strained. "One year ago or the last half an hour?"

"One year ago," Shelby mumbled and sighed. "I've always wanted to see you, I was thinking about visiting you ever since you were born, but I never got the courage to do so."

"And?" I probed when she wasn't continuing.

"And your fathers called me."

I felt like someone had knocked me off the stage, stomped and spit on me. I was defenseless because it had already happened and I hadn't been able to prevent it, I had been beat without me knowing.

"Don't run," Shelby worriedly said, placing her hand atop of mine. "You don't know the whole story."

I shook my head. "Just...old habits. Go on."

"You know that I'm so proud of you," Shelby said with a smile. "And you deserve the truth even though I've promised your fathers not to tell."

I swallowed and nodded. My feet were nervously twitching and bumping against each other.

"They asked me if I wanted to see you," Shelby explained slowly. "I thought I was dreaming. I was too overwhelmed to speak at first and they thought I was about to decline, so they explained everything to me before I could ask."

My hands tightly grabbed the edge of the stage. Inhale. Exhale. I could do this. I was above running.

"Rachel, I don't know if you ever read business magazines, but they've been preparing to sell their company for one year now."

And I stared at her with disbelieving eyes, I had heard wrong, she had heard wrong...

Shelby put one hand on my shoulder and gently squeezed. "They needed time. Time to visit every location of their company around the world to seal deals, sign papers, check the judicial circumstances, give statements...Rachel, I don't really understand their motives behind sending you to me, but I think it belonged to their plan of becoming your true fathers again."

No, this was going too fast, I wasn't ready to let them become my fathers again – that was why they were in Ohio.

Too shocked by the information, no words came out of my shivering mouth.

"And the light motorcycle was their present for you," Shelby suddenly said and it made everything worse. I thought it was _her_ present for me, I thought _she_ was the one to reach out and try to make peace with me.

"They knew you were in New York in Spring Break, something about a butler Jerry booking tickets for you? And they were so worried when I told them about you using my motorcycle, so they ordered a light one for you, but told me to say it was from me."

This was too much, too soon and I knew I promised not to run, but I couldn't stay. Just when I thought I could trust my birth mother, just when I thought her and I got closer, she did all these things that would estrange us.

No, fuck what I said, I wasn't above running, I wasn't above anything - I was just a fucking coward. But a coward with fucking feelings.

"I'm sorry, but I need to think," I breathed with difficulty, getting up from the stage.

"No, please don't go, don't you understand how much they still love you? They do love you! And this is their time to get it right, Rachel, they're fighting for you like I should have always done for you!"

But I didn't want them to fight for me anymore; why hadn't they done that earlier, when I had been so naïve to believe that they would come home any second, bursting through the apartment door. They never did and now I didn't want them to.

"But what about me?" I shouted back, the anger arising from nowhere, threatening to consume my body. This wasn't Shelby's fault, but she was the only one here. And I needed to yell the pain off my chest, I needed to be heard for once in my life. I needed the satisfaction of someone hurting with me, someone who didn't understand me as much as they'd like to believe.

"I'm not a puppy to fight over! I do have feelings, you know, and I'm tired of never knowing in which plan with ulterior motives I got into."

Shelby looked broken-hearted and ashamed. She took a step back and gripped at her cardigan. "But that's just what parents do. That is what your fathers and I are doing, we just want the best for you and sometimes we don't know what's the best for you, but we still try."

"Then stop trying," I exclaimed for no reason, because Shelby never raised her voice at me. And it made me feel ashamed to be the only one screaming in the spacy auditorium.

"You know we can't," Shelby quietly replied, "you are our only daughter and we will never stop trying. Give them a chance, Rachel."

And her last sentence triggered a million feelings inside of me, my eyes threatened to spill over with hot tears. "A chance? I gave them thousand of chances, every day and every night for the last four years, waiting by the fucking door, hoping they'd come back; but I've run out of second chances to give, I've run out of exceptions to make – no, the gates are closed, no chances no more."

And this was my last word, the last thing I said to Shelby before I stormed out of the auditorium while drying my eyes with my sleeves.

I had come here in hopes of enlightment and inner peace, wanting to make amends with Shelby, wanting to begin anew. But now everything was even messier than before.

Rushing out of the building, I finally could breathe again when the fresh wind blew against my burning cheeks. And once I saw the Carmel High building from outside, I felt disappointment deep in my bones, weighing down my heart.

I had run again. Though I had sworn to myself that it had been the last time at the cheerleaders' Nationals.

And I suddenly knew whom to call. She would understand me. She wouldn't judge me. She could distract me.

Pulling out my phone, I scrolled for the latest number that I had saved.

"_Hello?"_

"Hi," I nervously breathed, before I cleared my throat and added more loudly, "it's Rachel. I hope it's not inconvenient right now."

"_Rachel?" _Gabrielle sounded so surprised, I thought for one moment that she couldn't remember who I was. _"No, I've got off school early, but don't you still have some lessons?"_

I chuckled in relief. If that was what she was worried about - "Nope," I easily replied, suddenly feeling freer and lighter around the heart than before. I was talking to someone who had no part in the drama that was called my family life and it felt good.

"_I think you're lying, but I'll let it slide because I'm more interested in why you're calling me."_

I laughed and I could feel my heart beating regurlarly again. A slow, but strong pounding in contrast to the irregular pattern before. "Can't a friend just call to say hello?"

The line stayed silent for a few seconds before Gabrielle firmly said, _"No. There's always an ulterior motive."_

And I paused, my eyes widening. The words rang familiar.

"What if there is none?" I slowly asked.

"_Rachel, there are only two reasons why people would do something nice and attentive for seemingly no reason. One, they want something from you or two, they just love you so much that they don't need any other reason to do good things for you. Well, though I'd be flattered if it was the latter one, I don't think I want to deal with your girlfriend."_

And her words made my mind race into a whole nother direction. What if it applied to Shelby and my fathers? What if they really loved me so much that they didn't have another reason to give me presents? Maybe they weren't trying to buy my love. They were just expressing their love.

"_Did I blow your mind with some useful facts?"_ Gabrielle teasingly said after a while when I didn't immediately answer.

"Yeah, you did," I admitted quietly. "You're quite amazing, you know. On a platonic level, just to be clear." I quickly added the last sentence.

A soft laugh filled the line and it soothed me. _"Don't worry, I don't do long-distance affairs. Mostly because I'm scared of your girlfriend. But no, really, why are you calling?"_

I didn't want to tell her the whole truth, because her unknowingness of my situation kept everything light and easy. Once she knew what happened, she'd automatically go into pity mode and erase the last illusion that everything was alright in my world right now.

"I realized how much of an ass I was back in New York," I answered and it wasn't a lie. "And I wonder if I were still that way if I never went to Lima. Would I still be calling you then?"

Gabrielle thoughtfully hummed through the line. _"Probably yes, but only to ask for sex I guess."_

Almost dropping my phone, I loudly laughed, partly in a sheepish manner and partly in a 'you're so right' tone. This was why I liked her, she knew how to defuse a ticking bomb. She didn't even let me light the bomb called self-hate, she didn't let me get that far.

"Would you've said yes?" I asked, just because I was curious. It was entertaining to imagine how my whole junior year could've played out differently if I had stayed in New York.

"_Gosh, no,"_ Gabrielle chuckled before she quickly added, _"no offense, but if you were still that idiot, then no. I have some self-respect, you know."_

"Ouch," I whispered, pulling a grimace. But she was honest and right. "But you know that this wouldn't have stopped me."

"_Hm," _Gabrielle deliberated. _"but a restraining order probably would've. You know, my dad's a lawyer."_

And again, she made me laugh by actually making fun of me, but I enjoyed every second of it.

"You wouldn't have done that because you would've enjoyed my attention too much."

"_Aaaaand idiot-Rachel is back."_

Sheepishly grinning at the ground, I mumbled, "Yeah, sorry."

A gasp echoed through the line. _"What, you even admit it and then apologize? You know, if it doesn't work out with your girlfriend..."_

I laughed in smugness before she could even finish.

"_But honestly, I really wouldn't have used such dramatic measures. Mostly because I don't see my dad so often."_

And that was where I stopped grinning.

"So, uh," I muttered, glad that Gabrielle couldn't see the torn look on my face, "how do you...you know, er..."

"_Deal with the fact that he always comes home late, short before I go to bed? I just do. I just deal with it, because it's what makes him my dad and it's what makes him happy. And a little bit because of the generous sum on my bank account."_

And it made me thoughtful, because she didn't sound sore about it at all. Whenever I talked about my fathers, there was always this bitter and resentful undertone in my voice, always betraying my words of apathy.

But it was different. Her dad didn't leave completely, he at least stopped by and showed his face at the end of the day.

"And – you don't miss him?" I unsurely asked.

"_Of course I wished I would get to spend more time with him," _Gabrielle sighed. If she knew that I was asking these questions with my own fathers on my mind, then she didn't show or address it. _"And I first __blamed his job for ripping our family apart."_

"But most of the time it is the reason, isn't it?" I interjected.

"_It can be a reason, but it doesn't have to be. Things were shaky for a while because we didn't work on a solution together. We just fought and complained, and he would lock himself up in his office. All in all, we made it worse ourselves."_

I scrunched up my face. I couldn't see any other solution but quitting the job.

"Is there a happy ending?" I carefully asked.

Gabrielle laughed and I liked how she didn't sound offended by it at all. _"There's always a happy ending if you search for it. One night, we sat together and made a compromise. He would call every lunch and skype for dinner if he can't make it. And once he's home, there's no work allowed. I see a lot more of him now though he works as much as he did before."_

Stunned, I remained speechless. Then, "And that works?"

"_Look, Rachel, the magic in this was because I accepted his work habits. And that I worked on a solution to see him more. If I had stayed stubborn and resentful, I wouldn't be seeing him at all anymore. You know, I gave him a chance."_

Something about this didn't work with me. I didn't know why or when I had taken a side against her dad.

"And it doesn't bother you that he loves work more than you?"

"_No, it doesn't, because he doesn't love work more than me. I'm his number one, aside from mom, and he really tries to balance everything."_

"I want your family," I said without thinking.

Gabrielle laughed, but I meant it – the way she described her family, with so much patience and affection, like it was the most perfect family when it wasn't, and I wanted that feeling, too.

"_No, you don't, because you know what? The best family is still your own, Rachel. They would do things for you that others would never even dream about."_

And my mind went on overdrive, overwhelming me with thousand thoughts. My heart skipped a beat.

A light motorcycle as a gift. A gift they didn't want to be credited for.

_Things that others would never dream about._

They were giving up their company for me. A company they had built with their tears and blood, brought to the top with hard work just to leave it to someone else. It had been their big dream, the American dream, from dishwasher to millionaire and they had done it, they had come so far – and now they wanted to give it all up. Because they wanted their old jobs as my fathers again.

"_Rachel?"_

"I will make polygamy legal as the first female President of the United States, then I'll marry you and Quinn," I said in a rush, suddenly knowing what to do. Besides what I just said. I went to find my motorcycle.

"_I'll pass," _Gabrielle laughingly said. _"I don't want to get murdered by your girlfriend on the wedding night."_

"Why do you keep referring to Quinn as someone violent?" I jokingly asked as I swung one leg over my motorcycle.

"_I don't," _Gabrielle defensively said, before she continued in a firm voice, _"but no one knows how a woman in rage will react. Though your Cheerio captain seems like someone who would rather use poison. Like, she would smile creepily and watch you choke to death."_

I blankly stared ahead. "You've got some thoughts."

"_Hey, you weren't the one receiving her death glare. It wasn't pretty, okay, I might still shiver when I think about it."_

Smiling proudly to myself, I thought of my lovely girlfriend before my expression slipped. Quinn! She had to be wondering where I was, I was missing a Glee club meeting.

"Gabrielle, I'm so glad I called you," I honestly said, my free hand playing with the left handle of my motorcycle. "And I regret that I wasted my time teasing you when I could've been teasing others _with_ you."

"_And you really didn't mean the things you said?"_

"Hey, you know what they say; teasing is a sign of affection," I defended myself. "I didn't know how else to get your attention, you took me for an idiot anyway."

"_Well, you were. You could've just been nice."_

I shrugged to myself. "Didn't seem like the badass thing to do."

"_Then I'm glad that you changed."_

"Me, too," I softly said. "I have to go. It was nice talking to you and...thank you."

"_For what?"_

"For you being you," I said with a smile.

"_I have no idea what you're doing, but you better stop before it works. One scary reminder, your girlfriend."_

I laughed and chuckled into the phone, sighing, "Goodbye, Gabrielle. I'll call you again on some other day."

"_Shush, don't get my hopes up. But goodbye to you, too, and hope everything works out for you in the end."_

And when I ended the call, the world didn't seem as grey as it was before and my heart wasn't being squeezed by pain anymore. But only one girl was able to brighten my world and lift my heart up, so I started the motorcycle and drove back to Lima.


	43. Chapter 43

**I can't believe that this story is over one year old. This story enjoyed far more commitment from me than any other people or hobbies ever did. And shit, I will finish this. Just not today.**

* * *

><p>"Hey, Berry!"<p>

I frantically turned my head to both sides to find Santana.

"I'm right behind you, you idiot!"

I rolled my eyes and bit on my tongue to refrain from insulting her bitchy ass, because how was I supposed to completely turn around while sitting on my motorcycle?

"Where have you been? Q's going completely cray and I'm sick of telling her to calm her tits."

I remained seated on my motorcycle as Santana walked around it and came to a stop in front of me. She looked annoyed.

"You missed Glee, Berry. Q's gone home and the only reason why I'm still here is because I got some fine locker room sex. What's your excuse?"

"Where's Brittany then?" I dodged her stupid question by asking her an entitled one. Because I didn't see Santana's girlfriend with her.

"What are you talking about, Britts is right here – Britt baby? Brittany!"

Santana just realized that she had lost her girlfriend on the short way from the school building to me on the parking lot.

"Respect," I dryly mumbled as I watched her running back to the school. But I didn't really blame her carelessness, because she had been surprised to see me here and the surprise had shortly distracted her. Enough to forget her girlfriend.

I had to chuckle, before I almost choked on my own spit. What was I doing here if Quinn wasn't here anymore? I forgot about my own girlfriend!

Starting the engine of my bike, I speeded like a madwoman to Quinn's place. And when I got there, I had to do a full braking because I almost overlooked the black limousine parking in the Fabrays' driveway.

I could feel my heart drop, the foreboding making it hard to breathe. I was tempted to roll backwards onto the street again and drive away.

But I was going to get it right this time. If not for me, then for my girlfriend, because who knew what my fathers were doing in there. And how did they know that she was my girlfriend? Did Figgins tell them about my relationship? Because then I'd never forgive him for interrupting one of our kisses by loudly calling us 'teen lesbians'.

I got off my bike and nervously walked towards the door. I could do this. After talking with Shelby and Gabrielle, my mind had cleared by now and there was only one way for me.

I could do this.

But I did nothing, staring at the front door like I was expecting it to open from itself. It had worked before, mostly because either Quinn or Judy would notice me standing there whenever they looked out of the kitchen window.

And just as I anticipated, the door swung open, revealing a relieved Quinn flinging herself at me to lock me up in a tight embrace. But instead of enjoying the feeling of her body flush against mine, I apprehensively stared past her shoulder into the hallway, dreading to see two tall figures popping up out of nowhere.

"I want to be mad at you for ditching school," Quinn whispered in my ear, her voice worried and strained, "but I can't, because I understand why you did it."

"Are they here?" I quietly asked her and even to myself did I sound like a scared child.

Quinn pulled away from the hug and cupped my cheeks with her hands, forcing me to look at her instead of gazing into her house. My eyes widened and turned vulnerable. "Are they?" I whispered again, barely audible.

She slowly nodded and this small motion caused my heart to drop. Leaving my body cold and numb.

Out of reflex, I stepped back, stumbling. I was losing my grip, I could feel it, could feel all the strength that I had built up on my way here leaving me again.

But then I stood still, stiff and unmoving because Quinn had taken my hand, and she was holding it tightly.

"If you want to leave, then let me go with you," she quietly said, looking down on our intertwined fingers, softly squeezing mine. "Just allow me to be there for you...you have no reason to hide your vulnerable side from me. I did once say that I love all of you, the whole Rachel Berry package, whatever dysfunctions it might include."

A trembling smile showed on my face as I started to remember.

"With all the flaws, with all the imperfections, with all the mistakes I've ever made," I slowly recited her words from my memory. I could see blurry pictures of her desperately throwing these words at me when I had been in denial. When I had fought against her loving me because I had thought I wasn't good enough. Still sometimes did.

"See?" Quinn smiled. "I meant it then. And I mean it now. So if you leave, I'll leave with you. If you stay, I'll stay with you. But I'm not leaving you alone."

I couldn't find the right words to express my gratefulness that I almost teared up. I just wanted to tell her how much I loved her and how I wished I could be as calm as her in this situation. She had often called me a charmer for always having the right words to say but it was actually her, who knew the right moments to say the right words.

I wanted to hoarsely say thank you, when Judy's voice came from the living room.

"Quinn? Quinn, is it Rachel?"

Quinn's eyes widened and she nervously looked behind her. I could feel the panic rising in me again.

My girlfriend looked at me again. She didn't let her worry show, instead asking me, "Are you ready?"

I gazed at our intertwined hands. "No, I'm not. But I have you."

She squeezed my hand and slowly pulled me towards the living room.

I didn't know what to do. Enter the room with my eyes closed? Then let myself get surprised? Or to find out that my fathers were gone, which wasn't an unusual occurrence?

Leaving the hallway as I entered the living room, I felt my breath getting stuck in my lungs.

They looked exactly the same as I remembered them. Not a single significant thing had changed about their appearance, except for a few wrinkles that hadn't existed before.

Hiram Berry, my spectacled father, wore the same glasses and spotted the same hair style he had five years ago. Even his love for dark suits had not changed.

And Leroy Berry, no I couldn't forget his curly hair even if I tried to, and his ridiculous bow ties and his brown blazers with leather parts at the ellbows.

I didn't know if I was angry or sad. Maybe both. Maybe none of them.

"Rachel," they both whispered, saying my name like a new learned vocabulary in a foreign language. And I guess this was what I was to them, a foreign language they had forgot to practice, to speak and now couldn't understand anymore.

"You didn't change at all," I breathed and I could feel my hand letting go of Quinn's. I stepped away from her, away from them all, not noticing Judy retreating to the kitchen, not noticing Quinn respecting my unconscious wish to be alone.

It was just them and me. Like in the old times. When we had been one family.

"You didn't change at all," I repeated, this time louder and maybe angrier, I didn't know anymore. Here they were, looking like they did five years ago, like they had never left me. Like the last five years didn't happen.

But they fucking happened and I was alone in that fucking time, and now I was nothing like the naïve girl from five years ago while my fathers still looked exactly the same. And it wasn't okay, nothing about this was okay; they weren't supposed to still look the same, looking like the loving parents I used to have. They were supposed to look exactly how I imagined them to look for abandoning a child: broken, miserable, completely in pain. Because that was how I felt whenever I thought about them.

And now look at them; where were the rundown clothes, where were the tears and the broken looks, why didn't I see them silently dying inside? Did they feel the same amount of panic at the thought of seeing me, were they overwhelmed with the same nauseous anxiety when they realized that I was just a room away?

So tell me now, how was I supposed to feel? Angry or sad or miserable or all of them? Or maybe none of them. None of them because by now, I was too numb to feel any of them. I was just too exhausted. I had gotten upset over my fathers for far too many times that by now, I couldn't muster up the same agitation anymore.

"Rachel, we -" Leroy began in hesitation and I uncontrollably twitched with my head.

It was the same with Shelby once. I hadn't been able to bear her calling my name, because she hadn't deserved it back then. Calling my name like we were acquaintances, like she knew me, like she didn't give me away as a baby.

And now he dared to use my name like nothing had changed in the last five years we hadn't seen each other.

But I wasn't going to start a fight now. Not under the roof of my girlfriend's house.

"It's okay," I weakly said. And I felt like hollowly laughing because nothing seemed to be okay right now but I didn't know what else to say that wouldn't provocate a fight. A fight that would be one-sided, because I'd do all the shouting and accusing, and my fathers would just stand there, taking it all because they knew they deserved it.

Hiram and Leroy shared a sad look. It was short and I barely caught it, but it had been enough.

I suddenly realized that they didn't really look the same as I initially had believed.

Yes, they had kept their hair and clothing style. They hadn't aged much. But I noticed some things lacking...

Like the mischievous twinkle in Hiram's eyes. The embracing warmth in Leroy's. Their eyes weren't filled with tears. But they weren't filled with life either.

And then it hit me, hit me so hard that I could feel nausea welling up in my chest.

I was wrong, they looked nothing like the men I knew. I had been so resentful that I only interpreted their outer appearance, but now that I dared to look into their faces – pale, with sunken cheeks and empty eyes. Eyes that used to sparkle with love whenever they were set on me.

And I waited, waited for satisfaction to fill my heart, knowing that they had suffered as much as me, but it never came. I didn't get any gratification out of this.

All this time, I had believed that if I only saw the suffering faces of my fathers, then I'd feel less miserable. Because then I'd know I wasn't suffering alone. But I was wrong, I didn't feel better, their misery didn't make mine go away. If anything, I felt even worse than before.

"No, it's not fair," I whispered, brokenly and angry. "You can't expect me to forgive you, you can't expect me to jump into your arms. You are in no position to expect _anything_ from me, as I am in no position where I have expectations to fulfil."

Breathing heavily, I paused before I said in a final tone, "Because I'm not your daughter anymore."

They didn't speak. Didn't move. Didn't blink.

And it made me mad. The lack of reaction made me unreasonably angry because where was the reaction? The gasps of shock, the wailing?

And why weren't they breaking out in tears, why weren't they screaming at me – why did they just stand there, unmoving, why did they just stare at me like they had expected me to say that.

I was going crazy, weren't they going to fight for me? Why didn't they use this chance to finally fight for me...

I wanted them to fucking take this chance, I wanted them to beg and plead and cry for my love, right in this moment.

"Why – why aren't you fighting for me?" I started to choke. I hated myself for crying in front of them, hated myself so much because in the end, I was the one begging them to fight for me. "Do I really not matter to you at all?"

Distraught, Leroy turned to Hiram, only to see a mirror of his expression.

"There's nothing," Hiram hoarsely began, then stopped when his voice broke. Leroy continued for him, "There's nothing that matters more to us than you."

My nostrils flaring, I let out a short and empty laugh. "Funny way of showing it. Or rather, not showing it."

They flinched. And it gave me ground to stand on. "I don't know what you're expecting by coming here. I'm not going back to New York."

Hiram loosened the knot of his tie, trying to calmly speak when his voice was still shaking, "We're not expecting anything like you said. We're hoping. Hoping for some forgiveness."

A flash of hot anger burned in my heart. Went as quick as it came.

"No," I simply said, shaking my head, "Shelby just used up the last ounce of forgiveness I had. All you can do is to reduce the bitterness I feel right now."

"Please, Rachel," Leroy desperately started, "we realized our mistakes and we started amending things last year. We sold our company."

"And you think this makes me less angry about seeing you?" I hissed back. "You think you can trade a company for me? Well here's what, I'm still bitter because unlike you, I can remember the last five years and I only remember shitty things."

I watched Leroy's shoulders drop in shame. Hiram stared at the ground when he spoke up, "Then please give us the chance to give you only good things to remember in the future. We know we can't undo the past, but please let us be in your future."

"And what if I don't want you to?" I snapped at him. He had no right to talk about my future when he hadn't been there in my past. "You want to be there for me in the future. But where were you when I needed you in the past?"

They didn't know the answer. And to me, that said it all.

"I'm asking you to leave," I calmly stated. "Not just this house, but Lima. Can't be that hard, right, because leaving me is routine for you, isn't it?"

They wordlessly shared a look which distressed me slightly. They still knew how to communicate without talking. They had always done that.

Then they faced me again with a sad look. "We will respect your wish. But just know that we will always be waiting for you in New York."

Stony-faced, I watched my fathers slowly walk out of the living room until I couldn't see them anymore. Hearing a door open and close, I finally realized that they were gone again. But this time, I told them to leave. This time, they would be the one waiting in New York, hoping and dreaming about me coming back and I would be the one staying away from them.

"Are you okay?"

And once Quinn held me in her arms, I completely broke down because no, I wasn't okay, I never had been when it came to my fathers.

But I was going to be okay.


	44. Chapter 44

**My sincerest apologies for updating so late - I underestimated how time-consuming senior year can be.**

* * *

><p>Sometimes, all you needed to move on was a metaphorical punch in the stomach and a blow to your head, just to rip you out of your self-pity and open your eyes.<p>

For me, the visit of my fathers was like a slap to my face. But it was a slap that finally set me free. For too long I had been drowning in 'what if's and imagining thousands of scenarios on how to react to them should they ever come crawling to me. None of those prepared speeches and trained reactions had helped me any bit when it had come to the real thing. All the time in the world couldn't have prepared me for that.

But now the long chapters about the miserable parts of my life were coming to an end, I had reached the turning point and everything that used to hurt so much was now just a distant memory. It was over.

Now that I knew that my fathers had realized their mistakes and had started to begin the long process of earning my forgiveness, I could finally live in peace. And that was the only thing I had needed in the first place. Just knowing that they still loved me, that I was worth loving after all.

And this confirmation would help me to get rid of my irrational fear that I didn't deserve Quinn. Because how could you give a hundred percent to someone if you were afraid of them leaving you?

Yeah, insecurities were a bitch. I knew better than to listen to them but I still did and even though I knew that everything was just in my head, I still thought they existed in the outer world. It was like one of those moments where it was late night and I would be roaming in the dark to get water, when something inexplicable would startle me and I'd be briefly scared by the concept of ghosts though I knew they didn't exist.

I had no explanation for these kind of things. And sometimes it was better to leave things unexplained, because the more thought you gave them, the heavier would they last on your mind. It was the same with insecurities. Your doubt would only grow with every second of attention you feed it to.

This was why you sometimes needed a good hit to your head to snap you out of it and force you to stop thinking. Not everything needed an answer. Nothing was so important that could justify consuming all your time and energy if it only resulted in misery.

I was almost glad that my fathers had visited me. Or I would still be stuck in the mental cage I had built myself, not able to get out on my own.

* * *

><p>With Junior Prom coming nearer and nearer, all the students in junior year and below were going crazy for whatever reasons. I didn't know that Junior Prom was such a big deal compared to Senior Prom, but apparently, it was one of the biggest popularity contests of the year.<p>

Whenever I walked past posters of Prom candidates advertizing to get votes, I shot a nervous look at Quinn and she would notice and dismissively wave it off with a reminder, "You know that I don't care anymore."

And I believed her and loved her for it, but I still couldn't help feeling that she had to relinquish this experience of being Prom Queen because she didn't have a proper Prom King to candidate with. She was nominated, of course, but she had no intentions of pairing up with one of the male nominees to win. Since the announcement of the candidates, she had done nothing to promote herself to get votes for Prom.

Santana and Brittany on the other side had actually found a solution to this problem, though I still didn't know how that was possible. Brittany was nominated for Prom King. How this high school worked was beyond me.

Anyway, other male candidates for Prom King were Finn, Puck and Karofsky. Especially the last one had seemed to gain liking since he had stopped acting as a moron. I didn't care about who would win, I just hoped it wouldn't be Finn because I was sure that Quinn was going to be Prom Queen despite her not concerning herself with the preparations at all. I just knew that she would win over all the hearts and it wouldn't be because she was Head Cheerleader Quinn Fabray, the only known name in a large high school, but because she was Quinn; smart and kind and wonderful and all sorts of perfect. No, she was no longer the Ice Queen, but the girl who was never too tired to give you a smile.

She was going to win it. And I was going to be the idiot who would watch her Prom Queen girlfriend dance with someone else.

* * *

><p>I sometimes just loved to lie awake in the dark with eyes open though I couldn't see anything. And maybe it was the temporary blindness that comforted me because really, our senses were being flooded with sensory impressions on a daily basis and no one could process it all. Sometimes you just needed a time out.<p>

I felt the mattress shift beneath me.

"You should get some rest," was whispered in my ear and I still got goosebumps from being so near to her.

"I am resting," I quietly replied, turning my head to her side, but it was too dark to discern anything. "I don't think I've ever been more relaxed."

And it was true. The complete darkness was a contrast to the light within my heart because it didn't matter if I couldn't see Quinn lying next to me, I could feel her. Her hand on mine, her body heat, her breath on my cheek; I was content with only feeling.

"But I want your body to rest, too," Quinn mumbled and moved her hand to my abdomen, circling my bare skin there with her fingertips. I shuddered, but didn't stop her movements because I loved letting her torture me in the most delicious ways.

"You're not helping," I roughly whispered when it was too much to take.

"Oh." Her hand stilled, now lying motionless on my stomach. "Sorry." A yawn was followed by that.

"Go back to sleep, future Prom Queen," I softly murmered as I lightly rubbed her arm.

"Don't start with that," she sleepily protested, shifting onto her back. "I won't be. I'm not interested anymore."

Suppressing a sigh, I quietly said instead, "People will vote for you anyway and you will win."

Quinn hummed in response because she was on the verge of falling asleep again. I didn't say anything more, she really needed to sleep.

After lying still for one minute to be sure she had fallen asleep, I carefully pulled the bedcover off me and slowly wiggled my way to the edge of the bed. Just when I was about to roll off the bed, a hand grabbed my wrist and I let out a startled, "Jesus, Quinn!"

"Where do you think you're going?" Quinn slurred, sounding more like a drunk. She made a pause every two words and breathed heavily through the nose, and I cursed myself for being the reason why she forced herself to stay conscious. "Is this still about Prom?"

"No," I immediately said out of reflex, but then gave in because there was no use in lying to her. "Yes."

The hand holding my wrist pulled me back to the center of the bed and I rolled back into Quinn's arms without protest.

"Rachel -"

"Can we talk about this tomorrow? When you can think clearly again?"

"No," she muttered and even in her half-conscious state, the tone in her drowsy voice was unmistakably defiant. "I will say this now and you will listen to me. Okay?"

I sighed, "Okay."

"When I wanted to be Prom Queen, it was for all the wrong reasons and you were the one who called me out on it, remember, New Year's Eve?"

The one memory of New Year's Eve that stood out among the others was me leaning in for a kiss but not pulling it through. The rest of the night seemed to be a blur. But I could distantly remember that she had tried to sell me the dream of becoming Prom Queen as a real resolution.

"Well," Quinn continued, only pausing for a yawn, "I don't need this title to feel good about myself, not anymore. Why would I let opinions of others define me if mine is the only one that counts when it comes to myself? So stop feeling guilty, stop whatever that is bothering you because it clearly doesn't bother me."

I swallowed. I needed to stop thinking that I knew what was good for Quinn because only she herself could know. Only she had a right to decide over what was important to her, I couldn't project my own opinions onto hers. And if she said she didn't care about it, then neither should I because I wasn't her keeper. I was in no position to ever decide for her.

Our relationship worked so good because we weren't trying to define each other. Sure, we didn't always agree on each other's choices and we tried several times to change each other's opinions, but in the end, we always gave in because we saw how happy it made the other. Quinn had accepted my position on the football team because she knew I needed to let off steam somewhere, and she made it her job to support me with her cheer squad.

And if she trusted me to make my own decisions, then I should do the same.

"I love you," I whispered into dark nothingness. I thought I had waited too long and she had fallen asleep again, but then I felt soft lips grazing my cheek, moving against my skin, "I love you, too."

And I still couldn't believe how I got so lucky.

Her even breathing comforted me and slowly, my heartbeat got in sync with hers.

I wished I could stay forever in this state where I was half-awake and half-asleep, feeling numb yet content, having no thoughts at all yet being aware of everything around me. But I couldn't hold this trance, couldn't fight the sleep taking over me and I let it time-travel me to the next morning.

* * *

><p>I had briefly suggested the idea of me not going to Prom, but needless to say that this idea was quickly shot down by a stern looking girlfriend. Instead, she took me on a horrifying trip to the mall where we got our Prom dresses that matched well together, which I begrudgingly admitted afterwards.<p>

But this was pretty much everything I had prepared for Prom. Quinn, Santana and Brittany on the other side intended to use this event as an excuse to spoil themselves with a manicure, pedicure and a full body massage. Since I didn't understand how freshly painted nails would enhance the Prom experience, I resolutely refused and called up Puck instead because he still needed a suit and it had been a long time since we had hung out.

So my plan for today was easy: convince my bro to wear a tuxedo to Prom, buy the damn thing, meet up with the Unholy Trinity at three o'clock sharp at the foodcourt in the only mall that Lima possessed, and – convince my girlfriend to try out a new sex position. Not right after meeting up at the foodcourt of course, but when she would be coming over tonight.

_Sounds like a plan._

* * *

><p>"This is ridiculous, man."<p>

Puck looked down on himself, brushing imaginary dust off his black tuxedo. "I look like a snob. Why does Prom have to be so pretentious?"

I snorted and shook my head. "Hearing you say 'pretentious' is definitely one of the highlights today."

Going shopping for Prom with Puck was one of the most fun things ever. He genuinely looked miserable whenever we entered a new shop and at one point, he had been almost so desperate to end this shopping trip that he had tried to grab and buy the nearest suit. But I didn't let him quit that easily of course, he was my bro, he had to look smashing. And he was going to thank me sooner or later.

"Hm," Puck grunted, eyeing himself critically in the mirror. For someone who pretended not to care about anything, he sure was very picky when it came to his looks.

"Come on, you look good," I yawningly said and I leaned back in the comfortable couch. "I'd say twenty minutes tops and you've got a girl hanging on your arm."

Puck looked uncertain. "I don't know, Rach. This totally ruins my badass reputation. With a suit, I look so...tamed and sophisticated and shit. Nah, not my thing."

I rolled my eyes and yawned again. "Then don't wear anything at all, I bet some girls would like that."

Puck grinned and suggestively replied, "Well, I'll go in my birthday suit if you wear yours. How about that?"

I laughed and waved him off. "No, I don't think Quinn would want everyone to see her fetish for marking my back."

The smirk slipped off Puck's face and he gripped at his tie. We blankly stared at each other and it was tense for a few seconds before my mask broke, and I doubled over in laughter. "You should've seen your face!"

Puck slowly blinked, then exclaimed, "You can't do shit like this, you're my bro! That's not cool, so not cool if I can't picture you doing it, man this is sick. What kind of a sick person are you!"

I was still laughing at him because I had gotten him good. He had always teased me about my sex life with Quinn, suggestively nudging me to reveal juicy details, and now that I let him in on a secret, he couldn't take it. That would teach him a lesson about asking for more than he could handle.

Puck shook his head and ruffled his mohawk, muttering, "I'm buying this 'cause I can't take another hour with you."

And he went back to the changing room, still cursing under his breath.

Wearing a satisfied grin, I checked my phone for any messages from Quinn which had become a habit since we had gotten together. Because since one frightening experience where cuffed hands, unintended love confessions and bitter tears had been involved, I preferred not to let any messages be unchecked because they could be of importance sometimes.

This was not one of those times.

_'what do you think about me getting nail extensions?'_

My phone almost slipped right out of my hands because they had gone slack for second. Narrowing my eyes, I brought my phone closer to my eyes and reread the message.

She didn't mean it, did she? _Nail extensions? _Last time I checked, Quinn had a _girlfriend _and said girlfriend didn't need sharper tools to get her back marked. Or other places hurt.

I quickly typed back, hoping it wasn't too late.

_'not gonna let u touch me if you do this'_

The reply was almost instant as if Quinn had been waiting for this.

_'we'll see'_

What was that supposed to mean? Was she seriously considering to torture me?

"Why that long face?" Puck said once he stepped out of the changing room.

I was too upset to grin at this. Looking up in disappointment, I sighed, "I'm not getting laid tonight."

Puck threw his hands up like he just gave up and he picked up his suit to bring it to the register. "I'm done," I heard him mutter to himself. I would've found it amusing if I wasn't done myself.

* * *

><p>"Here's the plan: You dress up super hot, send some pictures to me, seduce Quinn and when she gives in, don't let her touch you until she cuts her nails. Clever, right?" Puck suggested while chewing on his burger. He pointed with two fries at me to put emphasis on his next words. "That's how <em>you <em>get control of the situation." And the fries ended up in his already full mouth.

I stirred my drink with a straw. "I'll consider it. Wait a minute, why should I send _you_ some pictures of me? How does that help the plan?"

Puck grinned and shrugged. "Thought it was worth a try."

I thoughtfully hummed. He always had the best ideas when we hung out at the food court. Or maybe it was generally the fact that food got him in a better mood.

"Hey, look, three o'clock from my side," Puck suddenly whispered, putting his half-eaten burger down and I knew it had to be something serious for him to neglect his food. I discreetly followed his line of sight.

"Of course," I rolled my eyes but couldn't help smiling knowingly. There were few things that were more important to him than food.

"Super hot girls," he breathed and quickly grabbed a napkin to wipe at his mouth. "Bro, I need you to be my wingwoman. Now."

Slightly overwhelmed, I put up my hands defensively. "Wait, wait, we've got nothing planned-"

"There's no time to plan!" he urgently whispered, his eyes trained on a group of three attractive girls standing in front of a dress shop. "You see them? Like, did you see them?"

"Yes, I can see them alright, my eyes are fine -"

"No, you don't really see _see _them, Rach." Puck turned to face me with the most serious expression I had ever seen on him. "Those are three single ladies in desperate search of a good looking date for a big event."

I gave those allegedly single ladies a doubting look. "And you know that because...?"

"Because they just left the dress shop, and each and one of them has bought a new dress but here's the thing, they don't look completely satisfied," Puck lowered his voice. "And why wouldn't they be satisfied though they just bought new clothes? Because they've got no date for the event for which they bought the dresses in the first place. Bam, Puckerman logic and it's hundred percent accurate."

He leaned back in his seat and stared at the girls some more. I tilted my head and did the same. Those girls were indeed looking slightly unhappy about their new purchases while other girls left the dress shop with a smile. And when they longingly looked after a handsome boy walking by with his girlfriend clinging at his arm, Puck's theory turned out to be correct.

"Okay, your plan?" I asked him, convinced now.

His expression faltered. "I thought you'd come up with something clever."

"You do realize that I've got a girlfriend," I reminded him with one raised eyebrow. I glanced at my watch, my eyes straying to the Q&R engraving before I registered the time. "And she'll be here in about twenty minutes. I'm not taking any risks."

Puck narrowed his eyes. Slowly leaning towards me, I got nervous watching him staring me down. He grimly said, "This is our first bro day in a long time, you owe me. You either get me a date or I'm not going to Prom."

"No way," I immediately refused. "You already bought the tuxedo!"

He shrugged and leaned back. "I'll let my mother return it."

Of course he would let his mother do that because he had too much pride to return his purchase himself.

"Okay, okay," I gave in because I really wanted him to be there, he was a candidate for Prom King after all and it wouldn't be the same without him. "But don't blame me if I fail, I'm out of practice."

Puck just grinned and gave me a thumbs-up. "Best bro ever."

Scowling at him, I pushed myself out of the booth and slowly headed to the still waiting and grumpy looking girls. I swallowed. I actually had no plan. I figured I should go for the traditional way: simply pointing over to Puck and introducing him.

But I didn't get nearer than five foot when the unexpected happened – one of them noticed me, nudged her friends, nodded to me, and their expressions turned sour. I had to be imagining things, I had never seen those girls before, they had to be around twenty or something, and yet they seemed to know me enough to give me a disdainful look.

Mission abort, now. I was about to pretend that I was actually heading to the dress shop, but one of them called out, "Hey, you! I know you!"

Rooted to the ground, I worked on maintaining a nonchalant expression when I innerly felt uneasy watching them coming closer, their faces getting more scornful with each step they took.

The girl who had called me out seemd to be the really angry one in her group, her friends only looked grim by default. Before I could react and dodge her, she stepped into my personal space and gave me a rough shove to the shoulder.

Thanks to regular football practices, I was no stranger to unexpected shoves and pushes, so all the furious girl had accomplished was getting me to stumble a step back, but not fall.

"The hell?" I angrily exclaimed. "What was that for?"

"For my sister!" she hissed in my face and shoved me again. "You're the fucking bitch who slept with my sister because you promised her to join the LGBT club that she leads, oh I know you alright, you cheap little cun -"

"Hey, calm down!"

I sighed in relief when Puck slipped inbetween me and the crazy bitch, coming to my help. Right now I was too overwhelmed to help myself.

"The fuck are you, telling me to fucking calm down!" the girl continued her angry rant at him, her friends doing nothing to pull her aside. They rather watched the scene with interest.

"Oh, I know him, the carrier of at least nine genital diseases – Puckerman, the man whore of McKinley or that's what my sister calls him," one of the two watching girls piped up, happy to throw in some information to contribute to the drama that was about to unfold.

"Puckerman?" The third girl gasped in realization. "Then that girl must be Rachel Berry, his female counterpart. Heard she's banging Quinn Fabray now, my brother told me all about it. Can't believe that Sue Sylvester made Fabray head Cheerio after we graduated."

At the mention of my girlfriend, the fog in my brain instantly cleared up and left room for exponentially growing rage. I could feel my cheeks turning red and it aggravated me even more that I couldn't control it, showing them instead that they had hit a vulnerable spot.

The girl who had been all up in Puck's face took a step back and slowly, almost deliciously drawled, "Oh really? Quinn Fabray, huh?"

My body set to advance, Puck held out one arm, blocking me.

"Don't, they're just trying to get to you!" he quickly whispered, but I shoved his arm away and stepped up to the girl with the irritating smirk.

"Yes," I said under the false pretense of being calm. "I'm dating Quinn Fabray because I love her. Unfortunately, I couldn't say the same about your sister and for that I'm deeply sorry."

She let out an enraged shriek and her breaking point, where she would slap me, came sooner than I expected. She would've hit me and it would've been hurtful, but Puck's hand had shot up and grabbed her wrist before she could've harmed me.

"Let the fuck go, don't touch me with your dirty hands," the struggling girl spat and her friends rushed to her side, clawing at Puck's muscular arm.

"Can't believe I thought you were hot for one second," he angrily gritted out and released his fingers from her wrist.

They cursed at us and threatened to report us because of bodily harm, but we decided to give them no more attention by walking away.

"Fabray never had any standards anyway, she deserves scum like you!" one of them shouted after me and before I could turn around and show her what kind of tackles I had learned in football, Puck looped his arms around me and effortlessly carried me on.

"Let go! Let me down, now! Let me wrap her new bought dress around her fucking throat!" I struggled against his firm hold, absolutely having no chance. But I needed to do something, I couldn't let them have the last word, especially not after what they had said. The rage inside of me made me feel restless and for a short moment, I hated Puck for doing this to me when he knew that I would feel incredibly angry about not getting a chance to strike back.

But once those girls were out of sight and more strangers were staring after me, I realized that I was attracting unwanted attention and I slumped down, feeling almost like a sack of potatoes in Puck's arms.

"I'm okay again," I sighed in defeat.

He didn't ask me any doubting questions. He wordlessly let me down and together, we walked quietly out of the mall. During the whole way to our parking slot we didn't say anything except for Puck shortly informing me that he texted Santana about us not being able to make it to our agreed meeting. He used the excuse that he wasn't feeling well and that I had driven him home, for which I was grateful. Because he could've told her that I was the ill one, but then Quinn would get worried and be at my place the moment she knew about it. It would only cause more lies and complications.

Puck unlocked his car and opened his trunk, checking if the tuxedo we had placed in there was still here. He had refused to carry the large shopping bag with him and especially not to the food court. Something told me that he was rather fond of his new purchase though he kept insisting on otherwise.

After we had gotten into his car, we sat still, not pressured to leave fast.

"Rach, I know you're mad that they used Quinn to say shit about you -"

"It's not about me," I cut him off, staring out the side window. "I can take it, I'm used to shit being said about me. But they used me to say shit about her, this is what I can't take - people talking badly about Quinn because of the association to me."

"Wait, don't go too far with this," Puck warned. "We've already talked about it. You really should stop thinking you're not good enough."

I sighed, turning to him with a lost look. "I did. I do. Well, I try to. But it's kind of hard when people keep telling you otherwise."

"Since when do you listen to the shit people say," Puck asked and nudged my shoulder. He winked. "I remember when I first met you, could hardly keep your interest for two seconds."

I smiled at the fond memory. "But you were persistent."

"Damn right I was," he proudly said. "And look where we are now."

I really loved him, I did, especially in this moment where he looked so proud to be my friend, like it was some sort of achievement. I could honestly say that I felt the same about him. And he had proven me enough times that he was loyal friend, actually, just a few minutes ago when he had stood up for me and saved my cheek from a good sting.

"I haven't said thanks yet," I quietly said.

"Bros stick together," he waved it off. "And it was my fault after all, shouldn't have let you do the dirty work for me. Couldn't know that it was all looks and no brains."

There was a pause in our conversation. It was my way of telling him it was okay.

"Is it strange that I didn't feel insulted?" I suddenly spoke up again, this question coming out of nowhere. But it had popped in my brain and left my mouth the second I had formed the thought.

Puck questioningly looked at me. I went further with my explanation, "Back there, I didn't feel a thing when they called me all those names. But when Quinn got pulled into this – I don't know, I almost lost it."

"Rach, you know Quinn's a strong girl and she can fight back dirty, believe me. One thing I managed to learn about her during her Ice Queen days, is that she doesn't need a knight in shining armor to defend her honor. She can rip her enemies apart on her own."

"I'm not trying to play the hero," I said, getting defensive for no reason. "I don't have a claim on her nor do I own her, I'm not being possessive by wanting to defend her."

I looked up to him with pleading eyes because I wanted him to understand. "I want to defend her because she matters to me, because her being happy matters to me and I learned being happy is difficult around hateful people."

"Hey," Puck softly said, putting one hand on my shoulder. "I know you're not being a jerk about this. Just wanted to state that fact, but I guess that was stupid. I know you're doing this for all the right reasons."

I blew up my cheeks and let out a long breath.

"You know what - never fall in love," I muttered.

"You regret it?" he teasingly asked.

"No, never, but it's complicated. It suddenly feels like you're responsible for two lives though none of them is really in your control. You don't know where you're heading, you just hope not to crash and burn because as long as you keep going, everything is fine – and that's what people call love. Crazy, isn't it?"

* * *

><p>The moment Quinn left the room to get water, I quickly got off the bed and grabbed the hem of my shirt.<p>

_Two could play this game_ was my only thought when I tore my shirt off, revealing my favorite black bra that enhanced my breasts and matched my skin tone. If Quinn thought she could touch this with her elongated fingernails, then I'd prove her that she wasn't the only one in this relationship who had mastered the art of being a frustating tease.

To my disbelief, she hadn't been kidding about the nail extensions. They weren't abnormally long now, but still longer than the neatly trimmed one millimeter I was used to. To someone else, her fingernails would seem perfectly fine and freshly manicured, but I only saw animal-like claws, and the skin of my back tingled alone at the thought. They didn't know what I knew, namely Quinn's tendency to dig her nails into my back when she was about to orgasm, and with that fact in my mind, every millimeter of fingernail equalled inches to me.

I roughly opened my belt, wanting to be half-naked by the time Quinn returned from getting a drink. But when I heard footsteps nearing my room, I let my belt hang loosely, having formed an alternative plan in seconds.

"I brought you a -"

Predictably, Quinn didn't finish her sentence, her eyes dropping to ogle at my body instead.

"Oh, that's for me?" I pointed to the water bottle in her stiff hand and walked over to her, planting a kiss on her cheek and making sure that I pressed my upper body into hers. "Thank you."

I could feel her heart racing, could hear her breath getting shallow. Her body instantly reacted to mine and I innerly smirked at how she refrained herself from pressing herself further against me. She took a step backwards instead.

Clearing her throat, Quinn lowly said, "I know what you're doing." She crossed her arms.

"Doing what?" I innocently asked as I took the bottle from her and uncapped it. "I found a stain on my shirt and didn't feel like wearing it anymore."

"Oh really?" Quinn said, her gaze dropping again to stare down my body. "Did you stain your jeans, too?"

"No, but I feel hot," I groaned and to prove my point, I drank from the water bottle in great gulps, purposely letting a small trail of water trickle down my chin and throat, onto my chest. I couldn't remember since when I had to resort to these cliched moves to crack my girlfriend, but if that was what she needed, then so be it.

"I'm not the desperate one," Quinn throatily said, but her hungry eyes were betraying her. Her expression left no room for interpretation; if she acted out her thoughts, then I'd already be naked and on the bed. But she was stubborn and so was I.

"That's good," I whispered, my gaze holding hers and a smirk tugged at my lips. "Because my zipper is stuck and maybe you can help me out of these jeans?"

It was so easy, making her squirm. And I loved seeing her slowly lose control over something she believed she had control of.

When she hesitated, I raised an eyebrow at her. "Can I trust you to take my jeans off without jumping me?"

She scoffed and her next move threw me off balance. Holding my gaze with a sly smirk, she slowly lowered herself on her knees until her face was inches away from my crotch.

My heart suddenly didn't know how to beat steadily anymore.

"It's stuck, you say?"

I held my breath when she leaned in to take a closer look, pretending to inspect my broken zipper when I knew that she was trying to rile me up by placing her face right in front of where I needed her hands or mouth to be.

"Have you tried it...harder?"

And she placed one hand on my hip, the other roughly pulling at my zipper. I bit my tongue and lifted my head to look away, one more look and I wouldn't be able to stop myself from bucking my hips.

"Quinn, if you can't get it open -" I raspily said, but exactly in that moment, the zipper gave in and Quinn pulled it completely down, revealing my panties that were a match to my bra.

She stilled and that was what I needed to regain some of my confidence. The game was still on.

"Take it off, please?" I slowly asked, my voice getting scratchy from the lust and desire clogging my throat.

I watched Quinn's eyes tracing the line of my panties. She grabbed at my jeans with both hands and slowly tugged, gently pulling them down and my legs felt like being unwrapped like a present.

A triumphant grin lit up my face. I was aware of my well-shaped legs and their surprising length compared to my body height. They were my secret weapon, no one could get past them without wanting to stare a little bit longer or to touch them.

When Quinn finally gave in, not able to resist placing her hands on my thighs, I stepped away from her and disapprovingly shook my head. "I told you I wasn't going to let you touch me with these nails."

Almost instantly, she was on her feet again and her prior lust-clouded expression was gone, replaced by an annoyed look.

"Fine," she said between gritted teeth, "we will see who will crack first. And it's not going to be me."

I challengingly took a step closer to her. "You're not the only one who's learned that it's all about the teasing and not the pleasing."

Her eyes widened. "Who told you that?"

I could've truthfully answered with Santana being my source, but I guessed that would've been no fun. I shrugged my shoulders and offhandedly remarked, "A Cheerio told me. I knew that Celibacy Club was an inside joke."

"No, it wasn't," Quinn defensively said and she was about to add more when she suddenly stopped. An irritated look appeared on her face. "Which Cheerio told you that? When did you talk to her?"

I carefully watched her expression. Using her jealousy could backfire badly and since one particular incident involving a certain girl named Jennifer Mont, I had been cautious about giving out wrong signs.

"It was Santana, Santana told me that," I gave in with a sigh, throwing up my hands in defeat. I didn't want to start a fight over that so I decided to cut my bullshit short before I could take it further.

When I noticed Quinn's narrowed eyes still staring me down, I groaned and muttered, "Should've never mentioned it. Stupid Celibacy Club."

"First, Celibacy Club isn't stupid -"

"That's not what you said when we -"

"And second, if I find out about you lying to me -"

"Now that is insulting, Quinn."

"Will you stop interrupting my -"

Finally, she stopped talking once I captured her lips with mine, giving them a different task that contained no words. Burying my hands in her hair, I relished the feeling of silk-like strands of hair sliding through my fingers.

"Still want to talk?" I huskily whispered when we shortly broke apart for air.

Her answer was pretty clear when I felt her lips on mine again.

* * *

><p>"I don't feel comfortable sitting here," Kurt muttered to himself and Mercedes, who sat next to him, agreeingly nodded and pulled a grimace.<p>

I had heard him and I knew that I was the reason for their discomfort, but that didn't stop me from sending heated looks over the table to my girlfriend. The distance, her being untouchable, made my head dizzy and all I could think of was clearing the table to make space for us two on it.

It had been like this since we had arrived here. Not that we had been here for long, only half an hour. It was the night of the nights, it was Prom and yet I didn't sit next to my date. Not because we were restricted by school guidelines or cared about what others thought, but because our game was still on. Our last make-out session didn't get farther than that and since then, things had been...tense.

"Get a fucking room," Santana snapped at us, glaring at both me and Quinn. I cleared my throat and unwillingly ripped my eyes away from my girlfriend, who looked so gorgeous tonight in her purple dress and yet all I wanted to do with it was tear it off her body.

"Don't you have a song to perform in a minute?" I calmly asked Santana.

She rolled her eyes and replied, "Since you were busy eye-fucking, you missed our change of plans. The boys, except for Kurt, are going to perform some lame boy-band song first and Tina and Brittany are going next, they're already backstage. I will have a solo, being the star I am."

"Of course," I muttered, my attention already slipping away once my gaze found Quinn's again. If she only didn't give me such a suggestive look - it couldn't be appropiate for a school event, where was her self-restraint?

"Ugh," Santana groaned and left the table with an annoyed expression.

Kurt and Mercedes shared a look and carefully adressed us with, "You wouldn't mind if we -"

"No," Quinn and I simultaneously said, grinning at each other.

They didn't hesitate to get up and leave, leaving us alone at the table.

"I still think you will lose," I slowly said, sending Quinn a wink across the table. She placed her elbows on the table and rested her chin on her hands. A taunting smirk graced her features. "It doesn't matter what you _think_, but what you _do_. And by the end of the night, I'll have you begging for my touch."

I could feel my mouth going dry.

"If you excuse me," I cleared my throat, already standing before Quinn could ask what was going on. "I think I'll try the spiked punch – you want something?"

"I'm fine, thanks, I'll have to be backstage in a minute anyway," she replied and knowingly smirked as she elegantly stood up. "Just don't pour more than you can handle, you know. You have a knack for underestimating things."

I wanted to kiss that smirk off her face. "I'm sure that I know what I'm doing."

Her raised eyebrow clearly told me that she thought otherwise. Not wanting to give her a chance for a smartass response, I quickly said, "See you later" and headed to the buffet table. The punch bowl was still almost full since Prom had barely started, there were still a lot of people missing and the only reason why I was here early was because the Glee Club got to perform tonight and we had to set up the stage and sound system beforehand. And soundchecks took time, too.

I filled my cup only half-full, wanting to taste the punch first because I wasn't sure what had already been put in. But the lack of alcohol was almost disappointing, I thought Puck had at least emptied a flask.

"Not any good?" someone asked behind me and I nodded while giving the punch bowl a dark look. Alcohol had been my only hope to help me survive this evening of sexual frustration.

"Oh. I thought Puckerman was responsible for spiking it."

"That's what I thought, too," I muttered and took a napkin from the table to wipe my mouth with it. Wanting to know whom I was actually talking to, I turned around.

My napkin fluttered to the ground.

"I would retrieve it for you, but I'm not really flexible right now as you can probably see," the girl looked down on her body and I involuntarily followed her line of sight, taking in her tight dress that left no questions about how her body form would look like.

"It can't be comfortable," was my first thought that I verbalized. The second I didn't dare to utter out loud because I already felt dirty and guilty for thinking it. I shot a quick glance around me, making sure that Quinn was already backstage preparing for her performance and not witnessing the awkward scene.

"It actually is," the girl in front me said with a smile and my eyes warily darted back to her, trying to figure out what angle she was playing at. "It doesn't seem like it, but I could dance in it for hours if it weren't for my boyfriend. He's not really into dancing."

"Oh," I breathed out. I felt instant relief pushing weight off my shoulders and I sighed. I had already assumed the worst and thought that she was a one-night-stand that I couldn't remember.

"Yeah, he's still sometimes pissed at me for sleeping with you," she laughed. "He hasn't really understood the concept of an open relationship I guess."

I held my forehead with a pained groan and I quickly turned back to the punch bowl, only to be reminded that there was no alcohol that would save me.

"Hey, are you okay?" the girl with the impossibly tight dress asked. She seemed way too relaxed about this for my liking. "If this is about our hook-up, then you're overreacting. It was a one-time thing and don't get too emotional ab-"

"Gosh, no, stop," I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose. I couldn't believe it, I never thought I'd ever be in a situation where I was the one who got told off after a one-night-stand. "I'm not overreacting about this. It's just – look, I have a girlfriend -"

"I'm in a relationship, too, so what?" she shrugged and I wanted to slap myself hard in the face.

"No, you don't understand," I gravely said. "I'm in an exclusive relationship. _Only_ her."

"Ouch." The girl pulled a grimace. "That sounds boring."

"It's not, actually," I said and for once in this conversation, my voice sounded steady. "You should try it, you know. Maybe he's not the right one, that's why you don't want to be exclusive."

She seemed to consider my words, questioningly muttering to herself, "Maybe. Maybe if it wasn't the same sex routine over and over again I'd probably stick with him for longer than a month."

I gave her a fake smile. That was too much information.

"Yeah," I awkwardly laughed and further encouraged her, "try to keep your sex-life interesting. And maybe private."

She slowly nodded and her expression lit up. "Hey, I remember you being really good with your -"

I coughed. "I just remembered that I need to help my friends backstage, you know, we're responsible for the music tonight."

"Oh. Alright. It was nice talking to you – I'm sorry, I never got your name?" She questioningly looked at me and for the first time throughout this whole conversation, I realized that she had no clue about who I was. The roles were reversed for once and I was the nameless girl in her list of conquests.

"It's -" I hesitated to give her my real name. "Emily. My name's Emily."

"Oh, okay, I'm Jules," the girl said with a wink. "Look, Lilly, -"

"Emily."

"Yeah, what I said," Jules dismissively said, "if you're ever tired of your girlfriend, you know where to go."

My features were stone hard and cracking a fake smile felt like the hardest thing to do. I tonelessly hummed instead. I needed to put a stop to this conversation that was devouring all of my patience.

"I really need to go now. I can hear my friends calling," I lied through gritted teeth and I didn't wait for a reply, keen on getting away from her as fast as possible.

So that was how it felt like. Being a notch on someone else's bedpost, just another face, another name among many others. She knew nothing about me except that she had hooked up with me once, she didn't even know my name – I thought McKinley was already familiar with my name?

Admittedly, it wasn't a nice feeling and realizing that this was the same way I had treated other girls before made me sick. I felt so cheap and used, though at that time I hadn't felt that way. Sure, not every fling of mine had had the same emotional attachment, but some had come back for more and I had given them the cold shoulder because they were nothing more than just a blurry memory.

I had trouble breathing evenly with anger slowly swelling in my chest and I sat down on the nearest stool at an empty table. I closed my eyes and sighed.

I wished she would've at least remembered my full name or acknowledged my person in any form, but I might as well could've been characterless because she just wanted my body. No, I wasn't angry about her, this wasn't even about her – this was about me tasting my own bitter medicine and I wanted nothing but to take it all back, take back all the harsh words and indifferent rejections I had ever tossed out.

I was glad that Prom was in full swing now because my sitting figure was swallowed by the crowd of standing or dancing people. If my girlfriend was on stage, she wouldn't be able to spot me. I didn't want her to see me shaken up, this night was about her and about Prom, and not about me and my self-made problems.

I had a feeling that my encounter with Jules was Karma's way of reminding me of its presence and how I still had bills to pay. Just because I had cleared up my act, it didn't mean that I didn't have to face consequences of my past mistakes.

A stretched out hand in front of my face stopped my inner monologue and I looked up in surprise.

"You look like you need a distraction. Dance with me?" Puck grinned and seeing him own that suit made so proud, I knew he would look fine in it. I beamed at him and laughed. Accepting his hand, he pulled me up and we dove into the crowd, searching for a free spot on the dancefloor.

The opening melody of an upbeat song filled the gym and Brittany's and Tina's voice followed shortly after. Puck and I shared a grin and started goofily dancing to it, not caring about weird looks or annoyed ones because we were bumping into everyone around us. Our moves were silly and improvised, sometimes filled with various spins, and above all the embarrassing stunts we pulled, our voices were the loudest when we sang along to the music.

When Brittany and Tina were finished with their song, the tall blonde didn't hesitate to jump off stage and join our stupid dance session. To top it off, Santana was singing some cheesy love song about a love song, and Puck and I were trying our best to make Santana crack up during her song, but her eyes were focused on Brittany anyway.

But when the music slowed down and 'Take My Breath Away' started to play, I turned around to face the stage.

Quinn had joined Santana on stage and she looked stunning under the stage lights. Her eyes found me and she began to sing with a smile, her silky voice warming up my heart and giving me goosebumps.

Smiling back, I didn't notice Puck slowly shuffling away. But Brittany stayed and when Santana and Quinn sang the chorus together, she leaned in to me and said, "Our girlfriends are so hot, aren't we so lucky?"

"Yeah," I absently agreed, only having eyes for my girlfriend. In that moment, I decided I didn't care if she wanted to keep her nails, I'd rather have her slice up my back than not to feel her touch at all.

Only when the song stopped did I wake up from my trance and I realized that Quinn was no longer standing on the stage, but Figgins. As he was fumbling with his microphone, the lighting turned bright and one beam focused on him.

"Attention please," he said in his droning voice. "It is time for the announcement of this year's McKinley's Prom King and Queen, so will the candidates please come on stage."

His tone and expression would've been more suitable at a funeral. But I didn't dwell on his lack of enthusiasm when the candidates stepped out on stage one by one.

Karofsky looked unsure but he pleasantly smiled when he appeared. Next was Puck, who wore his trade mark smirk when he confidently stepped on stage. Winking at the roaring crowd, he pretended to brush dirt off his shoulder.

I shook my head but laughed nonetheless. "Such a clown."

Next came Finn, who kept blinking at the light above him and his obvious discomfort made me feel less irritated about him. He didn't want to be there as much as I didn't want him to be there.

All thoughts about him vanished when a bouncy Brittany jumped on stage and cheerily waved at the crowd, standing next to the male candidates for Prom King. I had voted for her though I had been torn between her and Puck. But I figured Puck would get enough votes on his own whereas I doubted that many people would vote for Brittany.

The first of the female candidates to appear was a raven-haired girl named Mackenzie, but she didn't seem pleasant. Next up was another girl I had never seen before; the school was larger than I had imagined when the unknown name Shay was announced.

Finally, Quinn gracefully stepped on stage and smiled brightly, and when her sparkling eyes found mine, she gave me a shy little wave. I swooned over her like a fan would swoon over a celebrity.

I barely registered Santana placing herself next to Quinn, blowing out kisses to the cheering crowd.

The candidates were complete and in the most unexciting way, Figgins unceremoniously opened the envelope and pulled out the card where the names of the winners were printed on.

"McKinley's Prom King is," and he had the decency to at least pause to make it suspenseful, "Dave Karofsky."

I cheered along with the crowd and clapped for him, partly because I was happy for him, partly because I was relieved it wasn't Finn. Dave looked overwhelmed and his expression didn't change once the crown was on his head.

"That's bullshit," I heard someone huff and that voice sounded suspiciously like Santana's.

Finn looked relieved that he wasn't in the spotlight while Brittany pouted. Only Puck didn't seem to realize that Prom King had been chosen, he was busy making bedroom eyes at some girl in the crowd.

"And Prom Queen is," Figgins held the card closer to his eyes. "That's a close one. Won by one vote more, I present you McKinley's Prom Queen, Santana Lopez."

Before the crowd could errupt into cheers though, Santana ripped the microphone from Figgins' grasp and stopped all commotion with a simple, "Nope, I don't want that title if Brittany is not my Prom King. Give it to the second place for all I care."

And she shoved the microphone back into Figgins hands, sassily strutting off the stage with a dismissive hand wave over her shoulder. Everyone was frozen in shock, disbelieving eyes following her disappearing figure.

Never before had I felt so much admiration for someone. I couldn't believe that she used be the girl who was afraid of an exclusive relationship with Brittany. Because now she would be remembered as the girl who refused to accept the Prom Queen title because her girlfriend wasn't her respective Prom King, showing her loyalty in front of the whole school. That was the most badass thing I could think of.

Figgins cleared his throat to fill the awkward silence. "Well, in that case, Quinn Fabray, would you -"

Quinn shook her head and said in an apologetic tone, "I'm honored but the same goes for me. I don't want to be Prom Queen if I can't dance with my girlfriend afterwards."

And following Santana's steps, she confidently walked off the stage, leaving everyone even more shell-shocked. At this point, nobody dared to move or make a sound anymore, in case they would miss more spectacular moves. While everybody expectantly glanced at Figgins to handle the situation, I couldn't take it anymore and shoved my way backstage, desperately wanting to find Quinn.

As I was roaming in the dimly lit place behind the stage, I heard someone else taking over the microphone and talking. I couldn't make out what he was saying, but a resonating gasp filled the gym. This stirred curiosity in me, but my desire to find Quinn was more pressing.

"Rachel!"

I whipped around and let out a happy laugh when she stood there beaming at me. "Quinn, I – you – so amazing, but foolish, why didn't you take the crown -"

She didn't let me continue my incoherent rambling by engulfing me in a strong hug. Burying her face in my hair, she mumbled, "Why won't you just understand that I don't care?"

My mind was still blown by what had happened. Swelling pride and love for her clogged my throat, making it hard for me to speak or think clearly. "I...I love you. To infinity and beyond."

She pulled back and smirked at me. "Did you just quote an animation movie?"

"No?" I innocently said. "But what you did, it was -"

"The right thing to do," Quinn interrupted me. She placed a hand on my shoulder. "Santana was the rightful winner and she didn't want it. Neither do I want this second-hand title. If the other girls need it to feel good about themselves, then good for them. Give it to them, I have no use for it."

I proudly grinned at her. "I'm sorry if I repeat myself, but – I love you so much."

She giggled and put an arm around my shoulder, pressing me closer to her until we were cheek on cheek. I felt her lips grazing my earlobe, her hot breath on me made my skin tingle.

"I don't mind if you repeat this daily," she whispered into my ear and I shuddered because the smirk in her voice was unmistakable. "You should take me home, you know. I suddenly don't like my nails anymore and would like to cut them off."

My eyes glazed over. I could already see us battling for dominance in my disheveled bed, and it wouldn't even matter who would win as long as I could make the sultriest moans tumble over her rosy lips and watch her pretty face twist up in pure pleasure. My imagination was running wild, it was all a blur of archings backs, bucking hips and desperate calls for release.

I heatedly stared at her. "I've been wanting to try out a new position since last Saturday."

"Then what are you waiting for?"


	45. Chapter 45

**So this is it, guys - after 222k+ words, 45 chapters, 16 months, few writer's blocks **and countless hours spent in front of my computer screen**, I finally finished it. The last few chapters were the most difficult part to write because I didn't know how to give such a long story a worthy ending. But I am relieved that I kept my promise and pulled it through. Please enjoy.**

* * *

><p>"What do you mean you'll be just staying for summer?" Kate's confused voice rang out of my phone speaker. "Does this mean what I think it means?"<p>

"Yes, it means exactly what you think it means," I patiently replied. Sprawled over my bed, I had my phone lying next to my face, which was half-buried in my pillow.

The line went silent and I could imagine my friends staring at each other in disbelief.

To be fair, I could've told them sooner of my plans to finish high school in Lima, but the appropiate moment never came up so it had come to this. My friends were just ringing me up and asking when I would return to New York, and now they learned that I would only be back for summer. With Quinn of course.

"So," Jake's voice piped up from the other side of the line, "you really want to stay there for another year?"

"Have I been not clear enough?" I mumbled into my pillow.

"Wow. Just, wow."

"She must really love her," Nikki whispered and the other two agreed with a hum. I rolled my eyes.

"People from school will never believe us if we had to explain why Rae's not coming back," Kate said.

"Yeah," Jake laughed, "they're gonna think we're shitting them. Our Rae staying in a hellhole for another year – and that for a girl? Are we talking about the same Rae who refused to stay in the same bed for more than a night?"

I turned on my back and grunted. "You do realize that I can hear you."

"Yeah, we do and we wanted you to hear that," Kate knowingly replied, her voice getting louder as she talked to the phone again. "And? How does it feel like?"

"How does what feel like?" I sighed, innerly preparing myself for a sneaky question that would most likely be uncomfortable to answer.

"You know, the big 'c-word'."

"Nikki, what is she talking about?" I impatiently asked.

"Well, my first thought was 'cunt', but I think she means 'commitment'."

Scrunching up my face in confusion, I was about to probe for more clues when Jake let out a groan and quickly said, "What Kate is trying to say in her weird ass way is, how does it feel like to be in a committed relationship that's been going strong for a year now?"

"We got together in February and it's May now. I didn't know you were failing Math this year?"

"Well, you two were already acting like a couple when we visited you in December, so excuse me if I assumed that this relationship has been established since forever."

"And for Rae, one month of relationship equals a decade," Kate added. "I remember how her longest relationship before Quinn was two weeks, and they didn't even see each other most of the time."

I groaned and covered my face with my hands. "Thanks for bringing up the lovely memories I try so hard to forget. I really wish I could take all of this back, none of them deserved that."

It got silent once again.

"Can you please act less surprised about this?" I tiredly required. "I know I used to be an asshole and I'm really not proud of it, but can we get over it? It's not like I don't already hate myself for it."

Jake hesitantly cleared his throat. "You know how much we don't like hearing you talk about yourself in that way."

"And before you deny it, you always find a reason to hate yourself," Nikki cut me off before I had the chance to speak up. "You always do this. Even when there's no reason, you still find a fault in you."

"So it's not my fault I hurt all those girls?"

When they didn't immediately answer, I wanted to dejectedly sigh, 'Thought so', but Kate angrily started, "Listen here, dipshit, this is not a pity party and since we're your best friends, we'll be honest about this. Yes, you were an asshole and yes, it was your fault that we sometimes had to clean up the aftermath of your escapades – but it's in the fucking past and you've changed, you can't be held responsible for your immature actions forever. Get over it, and I'm saying it with love."

That left me speechless and I blankly stared at the ceiling.

"No, Jake, don't try to take away the impact of my words," I heard Kate hiss in the background. "She can handle it."

"Rae?" Nikki tentatively asked and I let out a weak, "Yeah?"

"We love you, you know. We just wish you would do the same."

"Sorry," I breathed. "Still got this habit to find fault in myself since it was everyone else that was leaving me."

"Oh, Rae," Nikki sighed, then I heard her exclaim in indignance and seconds later, Kate's harsh voice replaced Nikki's soft and understanding tone.

"Don't encourage her to stay a pussy," which was obviously directed at Nikki. "And you Rae, you're better than that. I don't remember a melancholic pussy hitting on me on my first day in sophomore year and I don't remember giving this sad piece of shit a chance at being my friend, and I certainly can't recall how I let someone like that become my best friend."

"Don't be so crass," Jake stated in the background.

"No, she needs that, it's the only way she understands and why do you think we became friends?"

I had to agreeingly nod at. She certainly had impressed me with her straightforward nature back then and she still did now.

"Rae, you still with me?"

"Yeah and I appreciate your crass words," I softly said with a smile.

"Damn right you do," Kate firmly said. "And I appreciate your badass character. Always did. Even when you first hit on me and I thought of you as a douchebag, I had to admit that you were quite bold. I mean, who hits on a girl without knowing whether she's gay or not? That's a thing only Rae does. And once I got over this whole bad girl masquerade, I found new friendships worth keeping for forever."

Before Kate transferred to my school in New York, it was only a trio of me, Jake and Nikki. We had other friends, but they never managed to get closer to us than Kate did. Nikki was more welcoming of her than Jake was, mostly because she finally had someone to discuss about same interests. Jake was suspicious of her at first because he believed that she was leading me on and using us to gain popularity since she was new at school.

But once she joined the Debate Club, all suspicions were erased because that extracurricular activity wasn't as reputable as any other school sport. She joined the Club because she had a sharp tongue and needed somewhere to lash out, with success. I didn't think that our Debate Club would ever get a headline in our school magazine, but Kate proved me wrong when she shoved a copy under my nose and opened the double-page article with a picture of her smirkingly holding a trophy.

"Now's not the time to dwell on memories," Kate reminded me. "Focus on now. Dwelling on memories means that the present sucks and I don't think you're in a position to complain. What you got is what I call first world problems. I mean, who the fuck gets miserable about their past as a womanizer? You know how many jocks would kill to have the same record as you?"

"You just don't get me, do you," I finally retorted. Just because Kate knew how to verbally fight, quite dirty at that point, didn't mean she was right. "I hurt those girls because I was selfish. I hurt them because I could, because I had control over that. Because everything else seemed to be out of my control."

I turned over on my side, speaking directly to my phone now.

"It felt good to have control over my life for once. I was the one with no obligation to stay, I could leave whenever I wanted to and it just felt so good not to be the one who got hurt. If you don't think that is the most asshole thing to do, then I'm sorry, you're an asshole yourself. At least I can admit it."

The line went silent again and it was almost depressing.

"Never looked at it that way," Jake mumbled in the background. He raised his voice so I would know the question was directed at me. "It wasn't your sex drive leading you then?"

I sighed. "I guess not as much as I made myself believe."

"If she wanted regular sex, she could've stayed with that volleyball chick – what's her name? Janice? That horny bitch, actually dared to come over when we hung out at Rae's."

"Kate," I groaned and I buried my face into my pillow, breathing deeply through my mouth.

"Sorry," she gave in. "I made the mistake of underestimating you."

"Quite a frequent mistake actually," I turned my head to the side to talk.

Kate huffed. "Do you want to hear my apology or not?"

"What do you think guys, do I want to?"

Jake and Nikki were laughing in the background and Jake neared the speaker. "I don't think you have choice. Our debate captain has already improvised a speech, I can see it in her eyes."

"Shut up, gay Jay."

"That wasn't even offensive. You're merely stating a fact that happens to rhyme." I could imagine Jake rolling his eyes.

"I will hang up if you have nothing important to say," I remarked.

"No, Rae, let Kate explain or she will explode," Nikki snorted with laughter. "Ouch, Kate!"

"I'm serious," I threatened, my finger hovering above my phone. Just one touch and the conversation would be over.

"Look, Rae, I'm sorry if I made it sound like your problems don't matter. They do, but what's the point of clinging onto them?"

"I'm not clinging onto anything, I just don't want to be ignorant and pretend like nothing ever happened."

Kate sighed into the phone. "Moving on doesn't equal with being ignorant of your past. You just choose not to make yourself miserable over it because there's nothing you can change about it. Rae, listen, your regret is sincere and you feel like shit for treating those girls badly, and that's more than others can ask of."

I groaned and rolled over to my other side, taking my phone with me. "I just wish there was a way I could make up for everything."

"The only way you can redeem yourself is not making the same mistake with Quinn, but I don't need to tell you that since you're serious about her."

Facing the ceiling again, I slowly smiled at the thought of my girlfriend. "You guys won't believe how much I love her."

I heard them 'aw'ing and some rustling indicated that Kate had handed over the phone to either Jake or Nikki.

"And you won't believe who came up to me yesterday and asked when you would return," Jake slyly said and I could hear the smirk in his voice. "You finally made nice with Gabrielle!"

I sheepishly laughed and lamely answered, "Yeah, it felt nice as well."

"You were an idiot for teasing her, you know," Nikki chidingly threw in and Kate shushed her. "Let's all not act surprised about the tiny little fact that tough and badass Rae had an awful crush on Geeky Gabby during sophomore year."

My grimace was one of pure horror and embarrassment. "Don't call her that! And what did you say about moving on? Let's not dwell on the past, shall we?"

Kate snickered and mumbled something only my other friends could hear, and I felt left out. "Guys, uncool. I'm gonna hang up if you don't mind, I'm tired."

"Wait, Rae, one more thing," Kate quickly said and she paused. I impatiently tapped my fingers against the mattress.

"You made quite the remarkable change. For the better, may I add. And I'm speaking for all of us when I say I'm proud of you."

My finger tapping stopped and I could feel my heart being painfully squeezed. But it was the good kind of pain, reminding you that you were capable of loving and hurting, which ultimately proved that you were alive.

"She's never said a truer word. We are so proud of you," Jake softly continued.

"And proud to be your friend," Nikki added.

The squeezing stopped, but my eyes started to burn and I pressed the palm of my hands against them to stop possible tears. I wished my friends were here with me right now, so I could engulf all of them in a bone-crushing hug.

"I love you guys so much," I quietly said with a trembling smile. "I can't wait to see you again."

"Same for us," they murmured.

"I'm going to hang up now," I said after clearing my throat. "I love you guys. I'll call you when Jerry's booked the tickets to New York, okay?"

"Okay. Take care," Nikki softly said.

"Oh and Rae," Jake interjected before I could end the connection.

"Yeah?"

"No matter what, we stick together, right?"

He could always make me smile whenever he was being his innocent and cute self.

"In other words," Kate suddenly interrupted, "Jake got a scratch on one of your cars. You really should change the combination of your safe."

* * *

><p>"<em>Never mind, I'll find someone like you -"<em>

"Do you mind if I change the station?" I asked Quinn, already reaching for the car radio.

Quinn's eyes darted from the road to me, then back to the road. She frowned. "No, go ahead. You don't like Adele?"

"She's talented, no doubt." After zapping through five different radio stations where only advertisements were on, I gave up and turned it off completely.

"But?"

"But this song makes me uncomfortable," I admitted and looked out of the window in embarrassment.

Quinn shot me another questioning look. "And that is because -?"

"Because it makes me think of us, and how wrong Adele is – I won't find someone like you, I don't want to find someone like you," I quietly said, looking down on my lap. "I just want...you. I'm sorry, I'm getting sentimental over a song."

I let out a groan and closed my eyes. My full transformation into a sap was complete. Was I really ready to stay another year in Lima?

When the car stopped and gentle fingers lifted up my chin to bring soft lips upon mine, I pretty much had my answer.

–

We could hardly keep our hands off each other, the reason why we were late to our respective classes. Parting after a kiss was the hardest thing to do, especially when you had a girlfriend like Quinn Fabray.

Storming into my Chemistry class, I briefly apologized to the teacher and sat down on my usual seat next to Puck, who looked far too smug for my liking.

"Not a word," I breathed.

But he talked anyway. "You really don't want to know what happened after you two sex-bunnies rushed off?"

"Don't ever use that word again," I grimaced, but curiosity got the better of me. "What else happened? Who's Prom Queen?"

"No one cares about the Prom Queen," Puck dismissively said. "The real topic is Karofsky. He asked if he could have a dance with Kurt, man that was a shock to everyone. Like, it was the gayest night ever."

"Dave?" I said in surprise, louder than I intended to and I got chided by my teacher. Ignoring him, I continued in a lower volume, "He came out?"

Puck ruffled his mohawk. "He didn't say he was gay, he just wanted a dance with Kurt and apologize to him for everything he's done to him."

"Wow," I breathed to myself in wonder. "That was really brave of him."

Puck shrugged and said, "I think all this coming out stuff is stupid. It makes being gay a bigger deal than it is, I mean, it's just a part of you who you are, why is there a need to reveal it like a secret? Like, no one's ever come out as an asshole before. Your orientation should be something you can mention along with your hobbies, and not make it a special trait."

I slowly turned my head to him and stared at him in wonder.

He weirdly stared back. "What? You don't agree?"

"No, I'm actually amazed," I smiled at him. "What gave you that idea?"

Puck rubbed at his arm and thoughtfully scrunched up his eyebrows. "Prom night, actually. Like, everybody acted so surprised when Karofsky asked Hummel for a dance. Like they couldn't believe he was gay until he would personally say so, until he would come out. And that's bullshit, he was gay all along, coming out doesn't make this truer or something."

"You knew he was gay?" I whispered in surprise.

Puck shrugged. "Doesn't make a difference if the linebacker's gay or not, does it? He can be whatever he wants as long as he keeps the opponents away from our side of the field."

He still managed to amaze me from day to day and I couldn't have chosen a better bro.

"If there was a grade for attitude, you'd deserve all the A's," I said with a sigh and nudged his arm. He gave me a lopsided smile and tilted his head.

"Nah, what the hell do I want with grades?" he shrewdly grinned and took out a bubblegum stripe. He offered it to me, but I shook my head. "They don't tell shit about me and if people want to judge me by some numbers and letters," he unwrapped the bubblegum and popped it into his mouth, "then let 'em. It obviously makes 'em feel better if they can categorize you."

I hummed and leaned back in my chair. "There was this girl who once told me that this is what losers say to feel better about themselves."

And to this day, the memory could still be vividly played in my mind. It happened three years ago, I had received an F on an essay for missing the topic. Not wanting to show how bitter and disappointed I had actually felt, I had offhandedly told anyone who would listen that grades were useless anyway and couldn't measure intelligence. Almost everyone had agreed with me until a girl with pitying eyes had said the words that still haunted me whenever I saw a merciless red F on someone else's test paper.

I hadn't seen that particular grade on any of my own tests ever since. Partly because I always learned enough to get a C, partly because the generous donations of my fathers to the school didn't allow the teachers to be too rough on me.

Was I really just a loser who made this all up to feel better about myself? Couldn't I just admit that I had failed?

"Now she ain't totally wrong, just not completely right either," Puck said while chewing his gum, still looking at ease. "I mean, do you hear rich people complaining 'bout earning too much money? Of course only the losing people are the ones who see the real problem. Same with everything else. Like fucking politics. Fucking dictators screwing over their people. Ever heard of a dictator resigning 'cause he realized he had too much power? No? Yeah, thought so."

I wordlessly stared at him and he shrugged again. "So yeah, Rach, that girl wasn't wrong, we say that to feel better about ourselves 'cause there's no one else who would do that for us. We're the losers of this system, no one's gonna complain for us if they have it better. You can't expect Honor Roll Girl to see the bad in something that places her better than the rest."

Sometimes I lost, sometimes I won faith in humanity. Sometimes I doubted, sometimes I believed in people.

"You're really clever, you know," I quietly said with a weak smile. "I just wish more people would see you for who you are."

Puck chuckled under his breath and shook his head. "If you haven't noticed yet, I don't really care 'bout what others think of me. Besides, it would totally ruin my badass reputation."

* * *

><p>It was the last week of school. We barely had any lessons anymore, the teachers had as much motivation as the students had, which meant that their classes mostly consisted of watching movies.<p>

It was a fine sunny morning as I sat in the kitchen and ate my cereal, from time to time glancing out the window to admire the clear, blue sky. It was the perfect weather to ride a motorcycle and the perfect day to introduce Quinn to the freedom of riding a motorcycle. She would love it. And if not, I would get to enjoy the feeling of her holding on to me for dear life. Either way, it was a win-win situation.

I looked up from my cereal bowl when I heard steps nearing the kitchen, and I acknowledged Shelby with a short nod.

"Morning," she quietly replied and opened a cupboard. "Coffee?"

"No thanks, I'm fine. I need to go now anyway."

And I wasn't being rude, I really was finished with my breakfast. I didn't want Shelby to interpret this as me avoiding her, so I stood up and brought my empty cereal bowl to the sink.

I was about to leave the kitchen without another word as I usually did, when Shelby suddenly called out, "Rachel?"

I stopped at the doorframe and slowly turned around. "Yeah?"

Shelby fidgeted with her coffee cup. "I won't be home until ten. I left some money on the coffee table in the living room if you want to order in, and it should be enough for you and your girlfriend in case she comes over."

It was like the lighting in this room had shifted, I suddenly saw Shelby differently. She no longer was a stranger in her own house, she no longer was the unfamiliar face that I couldn't connect warm memories with, but someone who cared. She had known about Quinn all along and never forced me to talk about her, she had just accepted it and never tried to talk about my relationship.

My expression was one of astonishment and gratefulness, and my voice almost cracked when I said, "Thanks."

Still looking unsure, Shelby continued to play with the handle of her empty cup. Then, she carefully asked, "Are you going to take the motorcycle today?"

My smile faltered and I expected her to try and talk me out of it. I slowly nodded.

She silently stared at me, scanning my face and I wondered if she was thinking the same, if she was thinking about the resemblance of our faces.

"Be careful, will you?" And her voice shook, causing my insides to churn as well. Why was she looking this torn? Why was she doing this to me again, confronting me with feelings I didn't want? "Please drive safely. I don't want to lose you again."

Unable to comprehend the sudden emotional weight she had thrown at me, I almost wished she had let me leave the kitchen without a word. I could be on my way to Quinn right now, but instead I was fighting the growing lump in my throat.

And I said the only thing that could make both of us breathe freely again.

"You won't. See you tonight," I paused and gazed into her teary eyes, "mom."

I couldn't stick around to watch her reaction or I'd never be able to leave the house, so I finally turned and left, grabbing my bag with one hand, the other wiping away single tears. I needed a clear vision if I wanted to drive safely.

* * *

><p>The first few minutes Quinn had been riding with me, she had almost hugged the life out of me and squeezed all the air out of my body. But once she trusted my driving style and noticed that I wasn't trying to pull any crazy stunts to impress her, she relaxed and pressed her upper body against my back. But this made me tense up because feeling her body flush against my back was a great distraction and all I could think about was stopping somewhere private and -<p>

No, I had to concentrate on driving because this wasn't only about my safety anymore, I was responsible for Quinn's life as well. And I would never forgive myself if something happened to her on my account.

Quinn directed me to a parking slot that was reserved for her because she was a Cheerio. Sue had made sure that none of her Cheerios would ever be late for pre-school practices just because they couldn't find a place to park their cars.

"I have to admit," Quinn started once she had pulled off her helmet and shook her ruffled hair, "it's better than I imagined."

"Yeah?" I smirked and ran a hand through my own messy hair.

"And to be honest," she continued with a sly grin, coming closer to me, "it's quite a turn-on."

"Uh-huh," I breathed and she pulled me in for a kiss. I knew it would only be a win-win situation.

–

Unfortunately, we had to part for our first class and apparently, heavily making out on school grounds was frowned upon. Figgins was as much of a cock-block as Santana was.

I was on my way to history class when something caught my eye and I froze, standing rooted to the ground. Utter disbelief and disappointment made my blood run cold as I watched Dave approaching Kurt with a slushie from behind. I wanted to scream and run up to him and beat the shit out him, but I was too late, Dave had already raised his cup and – done nothing.

Kurt turned around in mild surprise and he flinched at the sight of a slushie cup, but Dave didn't budge, he just held it in front of him and it seemed like he was offering it to him. Only when Kurt accepted it with an astonished smile did I feel like breathing again, and I sighed loudly, cursing myself. I had jumped to assumptions far too quickly.

I walked past them two and greeted them, and I couldn't describe the smile that I had given Dave, but he had understood my look and flashed me a happy, free grin. He was beaming and his eyes sparkled with joy, and I was truly happy for him. Prom night had freed him.

I was still thinking about him once I entered History class and only when someone waved a hand in front of my face did I snap out of it.

"Er...can I help you?"

I looked down to find Finn warily gazing up at me from his regular seat. I couldn't find an ounce of resentment within me to start a fight. I didn't need to start fights to prove myself anymore.

"I just zoned out," I merely said and took my seat next to Mike, who was already engrossed in a crude drawing of our History teacher. He never got tired of drawing her in the weirdest forms, sometimes he depicted her as a monster, other times as a gnome or an alien.

"Hey, what about one last paper ball fight this school term?" he suddenly spoke up and forgot about his half-finished drawing. I turned my head to look at Finn, who seemed to notice my eyes on him and he stared at me in apprehension, afraid that I would throw heavy things against his forehead again.

"Yeah, but," I faced Mike again, "let's pick a different opponent. It's no fun if Hudson keeps losing against us. We should fight against someone in our league."

Mike grinned and crumpled the sheet with his drawing into a ball. "Makes the victory even sweeter. I know Edison is quite good at aiming, I'll ask him, alright?"

And he stood up to go to a fellow jock across the room. I looked behind me again, and Finn's expression was one of pure relief.

It was about time to bury the hatchet.

–

"Look at my badass bro, coming to school with a hot bike and a hot girl, now that's the life," Puck jokingly said once I sat down next to him in Chemistry class. I couldn't suppress the proud grin on my face because yes, I was living a sweet, sweet life.

"That I can't deny," I cheerfully answered and I leaned back in my chair with a content sigh.

"You know why you're so badass?" Puck continued, and he playfully poked me in the side. I laughed and shook my head. "I figured that being badass doesn't mean a rough look, a large police record and the need to punch everyone. Being badass means being brave enough to be yourself and give no shit about things that could hold you down."

"So I drove to school with a bike and my girlfriend, what does that say about me?" I laughingly asked.

He grinned. "That you're proud to be seen with your girl, and that you don't care if idiots tell you that girls shouldn't ride motorcycles. You know, rebelling against stereotypes and stuffy norms is what I call badass."

"Then you should know that you're the most badass one of all," I proudly said and I held my fist for him to bump it. "Bros for life?"

His smirk grew and he connected our fists. "Bros forever."

–

"Rachel, please pay attention," Schuester woke me up from my day-dreaming and I scowled. I was paying attention, but just not to his lesson. He couldn't expect me to follow his class when the summer heat was making the classroom so stuffy, not giving my head enough oxygen to think clearly.

All my brain could come up with was to scoop Quinn up from her chair and carry her out of the classroom to get real hot and sticky somewhere private. Instead I was stuck in here, settling for only staring at her back. But gladly, this lesson would be over in a few minutes.

I was about to doze off when something light hit my head and bounced on my desk. My eyes fluttered open to find a paper ball lying there, mocking me. I slowly looked up.

Santana had turned around in her seat and she snickered at my annoyed expression. Some people never learned.

Grabbing the paper ball, I pressed it even smaller in my hand. I blew her a kiss and her eyes widened, knowing what was about to come next. But her motions were too slow and I hit her between the eyes, watching in satisfaction as the ball bounced off her face.

She let out a yell of frustration just in time with the ringing of the bell that announced the end of our school day.

Storming over to me, she wanted to lash out, but I shushed her by pressing a finger to her lips. She slapped away my hand, and I tried it again with the other hand, which she grabbed and shoved away.

"Get your disgusting paws off me," she hissed and we started slapping each other's hands away, looking fairly ridiculous.

"Well, stop picking fights you can't win, Lopez," I teasingly said and managed to get one hand past her defense, poking her cheek. She pretended to bite after my finger and I laughingly pulled it away.

"What did I miss in the one second that I didn't look at you?"

Quinn stopped our playful fight and I innocently smiled at her. "She threw a paper ball at me, I was merely fighting back."

My girlfriend shook her head with an amused smile, "You two."

Santana huffed and blew a loose strand of hair out of her face. "Whatever, I'm taking Britts home. Don't call us unless you're dying."

And she strutted away, linking arms with Brittany who had been waiting for her by the door.

"Some things never change, do they?" Quinn said with a smile and we linked arms as well, leaving the classroom.

"No, some things don't," I agreed as we strolled down the hallway. "But some do. And I'm glad that they do, or I wouldn't be the lucky girl to hold your hand."

Quinn blushed and ducked her head, and I fondly watched her struggle with the compliment. She had told me once that she found it hard to receive compliments because she didn't know how to not come off as either ungrateful or arrogant.

And I patiently waited for her to find the right words. But before she could express them, a loud voice, which was amplified by a megaphone, called our names.

"Berry-Fabray!"

Quinn and I turned around, warily watching Sue Sylvester pacing towards us with a megaphone in one hand. Her constant expression of distaste betrayed the softness in her eyes as she glanced at both of us alternately.

"I hope you are not planning on defiling the janitor's closet. Not because I care, but because I find it disturbing to meditate to the sound of coitus as my office happens to share the same wall."

Quinn looked horrified while I had to suppress a laugh. "No, Coach, we're planning to head home. You can meditate in peace. If you excuse us -"

"No," she simply said, "you are not excused. I was polishing the jars where I keep the pinkies of my Cheerios, when I heard Figgins talking about you staying for another year through the bug that I had placed beneath his desk. Is this true?"

I shared a confused look with Quinn, then slowly replied, "Yes, it is."

Her eyes narrowed. "So love got your brain in chains and it's forcing you to keep going to this school."

Those words rang familiar and I took them with a confident smirk. "No, I choose to stay out of my own will. Love is only one reason of many."

And my eyes automatically found Quinn's at the mention of love, because her face was what I associated with this word. It only made sense with her, it only had a meaning if she was the context used in.

Her adoring smile confirmed me in my decision to stay in Lima.

Sue seemed to notice the look we were exchanging and she scoffed. "Young love. Poisonous. Q, I expect you on the field when training season starts again and no excuse is good enough to be missing unless it's death or worse, herpes. Same goes for you, Ray. Avoid getting anyone pregnant. Now march on. I have to level up my meditation skills."

And she sauntered away.

"Yeah, some things never change," I repeated with a sigh, and tugged at my girlfriend's hand because I didn't want to stay longer in this school than necessary.

But Quinn didn't move, just looking at me with bright eyes that sparkled with love. "But some things do. Or I wouldn't be the lucky girl to hold your hand."

I laughed and teasingly raised one eyebrow. "Did you just reuse my line?"

A playful smirk was my answer and I quickly leaned in to kiss her lips that were curled in amusement, kissing her until those lips parted to moan. Until the smirk was gone, until it was replaced by a heated look full of desire.

"We should head home," Quinn gasped once we broke apart for air.

"Or we could head to the janitor's closet," I mumbled against her skin, grazing the soft flesh of her neck with my teeth as if I was searching for the right spot to sink them in. Oh how I wanted to. But I mustered up all the remaining rational sense I had within me and stepped away from her.

"You're not making it easy, you know," I panted and took in her flushed appearance. All I wanted to do was push her up against the lockers and defile every room of this school with her, but I could think of more comfortable places to pleasure her.

"You're one to talk," Quinn breathlessly said and her dilated pupils hungrily swept over my face.

Her look of want robbed me of air and rational thoughts. "Quinn, before you, I could've never imagined to stay in Lima for longer than a school year. But now I don't want to head back to New York without you. And you're doing it again, you make me question whether I should take you home or take you in the locker room."

Hazel eyes widened in lust. Quinn had the sultriest look I had ever seen on her and I wouldn't be surprised if my pants dropped by themselves. Leaning in to me, she cupped one side of my cheek with her hand and hotly whispered in my ear, "Well, you won't discover new things if you don't change your directions."

And my body and heart felt like exploding in want and desire for her, and I let her pull me to the Cheerios' locker room because I was ready, ready to discover new things with her and ready to take different roads. And I wasn't talking about sex, but about everything that we were going to face together in the future.

She built me up before I could break down, she gave me hope before I could lose it and she pieced me together before I could fall apart.

I couldn't imagine what would have happened if I had never come to Lima, if I had never met her. And I would have never found her, and in the end myself, if I hadn't gone through a change of direction.

* * *

><p><strong>I bow down to every reader who has followed me on this long ride from the beginning, and I take my hat off to everyone who wasn't afraid to join and catch up. Furthermore, I thank every reviewer for their comment, whether it was a simple 'good' or long rambling, I read and loved them all. <strong>

**As this story took 16 months to write, I grew with it and underwent a character development as well. Can you imagine that you were at least a year younger when you started reading this story? Thank you for sparing precious time to read my work. Bless the Faberry fandom.**


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